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01
you’re probably wondering...

WHAT THE FUCK is

this magazine about???
We’re trapped in the prison of our own mind,
which is why we choose to Breakout every now and
then. Filled with personal stories and experiences,
media’s depiction of mental health, factual articles
and coping mechanisms, Breakout serves as an out-
let for your demons; focusing on a different issue
every issue.
This issue focuses on schizophrenia, and the pure
terror of hallucinating. We’re an honest publica-
tion, so none of the intense, emotional, potentially
violent subjects are ignored.
“a quiet space” is our section of the magazine
which looks at personal stories and experiences,
submitted by readers. We touch on very personal,
and intense topics throughout, and should warn
you about possible triggers inside these personal
stories.
“fuck the media” is our media section; looking at
perceptions of mental illness within films and TV
shows, whether they’re good or bad.
Breakout works on a submission basis, so any
stories you want to share in this safe space are
welcomed with open arms.
Doodle, paint, scribble down your
thoughts... this is your page.

a quiet space 05 My friend’s inner demons

06 An interview with my partner
08 I was diagnosed when I was 17
11 My life with schizophrenia
14 Using art to cope: an art study
21 Is it just me?
24 Mental health events 2021
My friend’s
INNER DEMONS
My friend has schizophrenia and suffers from psy-
chosis. He stayed in a mental institution for over 16
years, but since 2015, he lives on his own under the
guidance of a psychiatrist and two social workers.
When he is in a psychotic state he makes really
intense black & white paintings of his inner demons.
He calls his work “Painted Pain” and most of his
artworks show screaming or frightened faces.
His work has a small cult following because he
performed as a vocalist for the band Stalaggh.
This band asked mental patients from a mental insti-
tution to do the “vocals.” All patients gave their full
permission. Stalaggh also used one of his
paintings as cover artwork for their “Pure
Misanthropia” album.

A quiet space
5
 INTERVIEW with
my PARTNER
Recently, my partner opened up to me about his hal-
lucinations. I wanted to take this chance to talk to
him about his experiences with these hallucinations
and what happened when he spoke to medical pro-
fessionals. No one should feel like they have no one
to turn to. It’s hard opening up and talking freely
when you’ve been shut down by medical profession-
als; it’ll make you think: Am I crazy???
AM I CRAZY???
6 7
BLACK FIGURES
In the past you’ve opened up to me about having
myself down by breathing deeply and slowly, but it
hallucinations, when did these start?
never gets rid of the intense fear that they’ll come
With white-out eYes
Started April time, this year.
back again.
How frequently do you hallucinate?
What happened when you spoke to a professional
The violent/visual ones I’d say maybe 3-4 times a
about it?
week, sometimes 5 times.
Um, it was all blamed mainly on sleep. Although,
Are they the same as before? my sleep was fine, my eating was fine... but I’m still
Worse, if anything, even though I’m completely hearing and seeing things.
clean now; I don’t take any drugs, smoke or anything
How did that make you feel?
anymore.
It felt like no one was there to listen to me, and that
Can you tell me about some of these they wanted to put the blame on the easiest solu-
hallucinations? tion... I felt so alone.
Mainly, I wake up and can feel something watching
For someone in your position, would you urge
me. I’ll wake up, look around and always manage
them to speak to a professional about it, or self
to find something staring back at me; whether it’s
help or anything else?
peeking around a corner or crawling on the ceiling.
None of those things, the main thing that’s helped
What do these ‘things’ look like? me is having my family and friends, and partner
Often, they’re just black figures with white-out eyes. there to support me; that seems to be more effective
than anything else.
And do you hear things?
Not as much as I used to, but yeah, I still do.
What kind of things?
Mainly my name being called, or whispering; I can
never really make out what’s being said, they’re just
soft whispers in my ear.
Have you ever acted on the hallucinations you’ve
had? As in, have you seen something and maybe
gone to get rid of it?
I’ve thrown things once before, but every other time
I just try to lay back down and forget about it...
A quiet space
How do these hallucinations effect you? In the
moment and in the long term?
When I hallucinate, I get put into a complete state
of fear; I’ll cry, I’ll shake. I’ll usually try and calm
 I was diagnosed
when I was 17.
I have always been an ‘artist’, I just didn’t realize What I live with isn’t easy and it can be debilitat-
what that meant until my mental illness appeared. ing, but I’m not living out on the streets screaming
I despise the term ‘mentally ill’; it implies that who about alien abductions. That’s not to say there
I am as a person is fundamentally corrupted and aren’t people out there who are that severe – there
broken. Unfortunately, as soon as I tell people what are. However, there are also people like me who
I struggle with, I feel like that’s all they see me as. just stay at home most of the time cooped up in
They see the stigma perpetuated by the media, their room. It is a spectrum of symptoms with
and the inaccurate stereotypes portrayed in varying severity levels. Each person’s experience
Hollywood. That is precisely why I am so open is unique.
about what I live with.
In my hallucinations I hear voices, sound effects,
random noises, and I often see bugs, faces, and dis-
embodied eyes. I hallucinate bugs quite often, and
WTdYVBZXAL
my depression makes me feel worthless like a fly.
My bug illustrations represent my illness. They
crawl out of the vent in my ceiling and make
clicking noises, or I’ll see them crawl out from
underneath things. I have a lot of intense emotions,
and hear voices telling me to light things on fire.
Organization, communication, paranoia, depression,
anxiety, and managing my emotions are the biggest
struggles for me.

A quiet space
8 9
My life with
schizophrenia
chizophrenia takes a lot from people’s be accepted.
lives, but it’s hard to know when it’s there. Your diagnosis was a while ago now…
I’ve known my friend J for a good 10 years Yes, it was about 5 years ago.
now. He always struck me as odd, having
Did the schizophrenia diagnosis a big change in
moments of absence and sometimes going
your life?
from a very serious topic to something hilariously
Not really. I knew something was wrong, but know-
unrelated. Recently, he confessed to me that he
ing what it was didn’t really help to make it better.
was diagnosed with schizophrenia a few years ago,
Probably because I refuse to take any treatment.
which is apparently much more common than we
think. Why do you refuse to take any treatment?
*pauses* I once took some antidepressants for a
I decided to take this opportunity to ask him how
few months… I took meds when I was incorrectly
he feels in general about his condition and what
diagnosed with chronic depression. It ruined my
effects it has on his daily life.
life for a while. I was drowsy, couldn’t eat, I would
Although not too many things were said, the vomit often…. This isn’t a way to live.
conversation spanned over 30 minutes. It was hard
Can you define your average day when you’re at
getting him to explain how he feels. This was his
your worst?
first time talking about it to someone other than a
I usually sleep in late. I have bad insomnia and
psychologist. I simply hope that this will help him
it’s hard for me to go to bed early. I’ll listen to
and other people like him to understand they can
music pretty much all day so I stop focusing on my
thoughts. When I go to class, I often panic a bit,
and I have to check several times that everything is
okay and I can go.

A quiet space
In public transportation, I get really anxious and I
try to avoid contact as much as I can. When I’m in
class, it’s hard to focus on listening to the teach-
ers and getting work done. I come back home as
quickly as I can when it’s finished and I go back to
listening to music. Then, I play music or write for
a while, as well as playing video games, then go to 11
bed late.
 “It also makes me really paranoid. I
keep thinking bad things will happen
to me, or that people are trying to
trick me.”
And are these your ways of escaping?
Videogames don’t really help, honestly. They’re just a
nice waste of time to me. But playing music and writ-
ing does help, yes. It allows me to let my emotions
out for a bit.
How would you define yourself now?
*laughs* I, uh… I’m two persons in one mind. Not
two minds in one person. Know what I mean?
Not really. Can you explain?
I hate saying that, but this is a bit like having two
personalities, except different. It’s more complicated
though, it would be easy to understand if I was just
saying “oh I hear voices telling me to kill people” but
it’s not just A voice. It’s MY voice, telling me to do
things I don’t want to do.
My entire day and interactions are plagued with this
“voice” telling me not to care about anything. Or to
do things I don’t want to do. It never really stops.
And what kind of things does it tell you?
Everything that I don’t want to do, really. Socially
unacceptable and forbidden things. It often has to
do with violent tendencies. Like, sometimes, I clearly
hear my voice in my head telling me to hurt some-
one. And it also often has to do with sexuality. It’s
basically telling me to do every thing that I don’t
want to do, and somehow it makes me convince
myself that I want to do these things.
12
Have you ever acted upon these things
you hear?
No. Just thinking about it makes me feel sick. The
hardest part is not hearing the voice. It’s having to
find a way to cope with it.
How do you cope with it?
First of all,I think about very unrelated things. It
makes me forget a lot because sometimes I can’t
concentrate on what people are saying to me.
I have to suppress the voice and so I think about
something else, and that makes me unable to pay
attention. People think I’m ditzy and that I don’t
care, but I just have to bear the constant pain of
fighting with myself.
I was trying to know how you fight back the
voice exactly.
Ah, yes… I focus on things like objects or pieces of
furniture. I get completely lost in looking at things.
Also, I count the number of letters in a sentence
and I try to rearrange it so that I like the number
better. I get obsessed with unimportant things to
think about something else.
What effects does it have on your daily life?
I forget things. A lot. Important things, like taking
care of my loved ones. I forget my mother’s birth-
day every year, for example. I gave up on trying to
note down what I have to do because I even forget
about the notes that I take.
Depression is also frequent. I become overwhelmed You’re not helping your cause, you know…
with how I feel and what I hear, and it convinces *laughs* Honestly, it’s just hard for us. I don’t know
me that I don’t want to live anymore. Even though I how people feel about it. I must admit I’ve never
want to… When good things happen to me, all I can asked “normal” people. Even my mother isn’t aware
hear are things like “You don’t deserve it” or “stop about this.
trying, it doesn’t matter”. And as such, I can’t really
Why don’t you tell anyone?
enjoy these things.
I’d rather have people think that I’m weird than a
Also, I seem to be unable to relate to people. I don’t freak, really.
care about what people say to me. It doesn’t matter
to me when someone I like is unhappy. I try to be
polite, but I genuinely don’t care. Although not too many things were said, the con-
versation spanned over 30 minutes. It was hard
Do you think a lot of people have this condition?
getting him to explain how he feels. This was his
Ehhh… It’s hard to say. I think many people are
first time talking about it to someone other than a
misdiagnosed with depression too. And as such,
psychologist. I simply hope that this will help him
they go through their entire life thinking “I’m
and other people like him to understand they can
depressed”. But as it turns out, it’s not at all what’s
be accepted.
wrong with them.
What are you hoping for now?
I know it’s never going to go away. I just hope that
I can learn to stop listening for a little and start to
enjoy things. I don’t want to become a bitter old
man who doesn’t enjoy anything, you know?
Yeah, I understand. Is there anything you’d like
people to know about when it comes to your
A quiet space
condition ?
It’s not as scary as it sounds, really. People think
we have split personalities and that we can snap
and go like “I’M GOING TO MURDER YOU NOW”.
Even if we – even if I think about it, doesn’t mean
I’m gonna do it. 13
 February
Time to talk day: 4 February
Mental health problems affect
one in four of us, yet too
many people are made to feel
mental health
isolated, ashamed and worth-
less because of this. Time to
Talk Day encourages everyone
awareness events
to be more open about mental
health – to talk, to listen, to
change lives. We know that
2021
talking about mental health
can feel awkward, but it
doesn’t have to.
Children’s Mental Health
Week: 1–7 February
Children’s Mental Health
Week campaign hopes to raise
awareness of the benefits of
getting children support at
the earliest possible opportu-
nity, and to encourage parents
to talk openly with children
about their feelings and get-
ting help.
March
Eating Disorders awareness
week: 1–7 March
Eating Disorders Awareness
Week is an international
awareness event, fighting the
myths and misunderstand-
ings that surround eating
disorders.
Self Injury awareness day:
1 March
Self Injury Awareness Day
takes place every year on
1 March. It aims to raise
awareness, understanding and
empathy around self harm,
and reduce the number of
people struggling in silence.
University Mental Health
Day: 4 March
A day where Student Minds
and UMHAN (University
Mental Health Advisers
Network) bring universities
together to focus efforts on
promoting the mental health
of people in Higher Education
settings.
World Bipolar Day: 30 March
The purpose of the day is to
raise awareness of bipolar dis-
orders and to improve sensi-
tivity towards the illness. It is
promoted by the International
Bipolar Foundation and
partners.
April
Stress awareness month
Stress Awareness Month has
been held every April since
1992 to increase public aware-
ness of the causes, signs and
coping strategies for stress.
May
Mental health awareness
week: 1–7 May
Run by the Mental Health
Foundation, Mental Health
Awareness Week is a national
week to raise awareness of
mental health problems and
promote the message of good
mental health for all.
June
Volunteers’ week: 1–7 June
An annual event run by the
National Council of Voluntary
Organisations to celebrate the of the effects of psychological
contribution of over 20 million distress in the workplace and
people who volunteer in the strategies to address it.
UK.
International Survivors
International Fathers’ of Suicide Loss Day: 20
Mental Health Day: 22 June November
Held on the day following A day for those of us affected
Father’s Day, this campaign by suicide loss to gather come
looks to highlight key aspects together at events around the
of fathers’ mental health, with world - to find comfort, gain
particular attention on pater- understanding and share sto-
nal postpartum depression. ries of healing and hope.
Anti-bullying week: 21–27
November
September Hosted by the Anti-Bullying
World Suicide Prevention Alliance, this is a great oppor-
Day: 2 September tunity to reinforce anti-bully-
Hosted by International ing messages in your school
Association for Suicide or workplace.
Prevention and the World
Health Organisation, the pur-
pose of the day is to promote December
worldwide commitment and
Schizophrenia awareness
action to prevent suicides.
week: 11–17 December
Schizophrenia Awareness
Week is an international
October awareness event, fighting the
myths that surround schizo-
World Mental Health Day: 10
October phrenia diagnosis.
World Mental Health Day is
a great opportunity to raise
awareness of mental health
problems and start conversa-
tions. Each year a theme is set
by the World Federation for
Mental Health.
November
National Stress Awareness
Day: 3 November
Promoted by the International
Stress Management
Association (ISMAUK), this
day aims to raising awareness
Fuck the Media
27 13 Reasons Why it was shit
29 Diagnosing the Joker
32 One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest: Bromden
50 A Head Full of Ghosts review
68 Fear of Clowns
73 A Beautiful Mind: The best schizophrenic movie?
80 Honourable mentions
13 reasons
why it was SHIT
Throughout the Netflix Original series 13 Reason
Why, it always stated that it put the interests of
mental health advocacy above anything else. The
show claimed to raise awareness of mental health
struggles that young adults may be facing, aiding
them with reassurance that they aren’t alone in
their struggles, whilst ending each episode with
links of support.
However, did the show actually accurately repre-
sent mental illnesses? Sure, it may have helped
those with more common conditions, such as
depression or anxiety, but what about more com-
plex illnesses like schizophrenia?
Clay Jensen exhibits symptoms of schizophrenia
throughout the show, but little is addressed about
it. He goes to therapy to talk through his issues and
learn coping mechanisms for his debilitating mental
health issues, but never once does the show actu-
ally diagnose him with schizophrenia. Instead, the
concerning hallucinations that Clay has throughout
the show are romanticised, taking away the poten-
tial for Netflix to portray mental health advocacy to
its fullest potential.
Schizophrenia is broadly described as a long-term
mental health condition where one suffers halluci-
nations and delusions that impair daily activity, due
to the disordered nature of their thought patterns.
After the trauma that Clay endured throughout
the series, his mental health takes a toll and he
frequently hallucinates that he is talking to Hannah
Baker, his friend and love interest who tragically
took her own life. Rather than being taken seriously
as schizophrenia induced by traumatic events, the
show not only fails to clearly diagnose Clay, but
initially passes off his hallucinations as a romantic
fabrication.
In the final season of the show the effects of Clay’s
apparent schizophrenia really start to take its toll
when he frequently hallucinates events, including
seeing Monty after wrongly framing him for mur-
der. It took the show three seasons to stop roman-
fuck the media
ticising the detrimental effects of schizophrenia.
Schizophrenia isn’t a cute way to communicate to
the dead to tell them how much you loved them.
TV shows like 13 Reasons Why fail to address
schizophrenia in an appropriate way: as a severely
27

debilitating mental illness that needs diagnosis,
medication and support. By ignoring the word
schizophrenia, passing it off as simply ‘visions’
or ‘hallucinations’, it isn’t enough to strike up the
conversation truly needed for such a complex
mental illness.
As a show that claims it advocates for mental
health support, it gives no voice to those who are
suffering with schizophrenia. Being vague on such
an issue isn’t representation: it’s ignorance.
28
Diagnosing
the Joker
As junior doctors who work on acute inpatient subscribes to is the hackneyed association between
psychiatric wards, serious mental illness is our serious mental illness and extreme violence. The
daily reality. We have, therefore, watched the con- notion that mental deterioration necessarily leads
troversies around Todd Phillips’s Joker – in which to violence against others – implied by the juxta-
Joaquin Phoenix plays a troubled loner who turns position of Phoenix’s character Arthur stopping
to violence — with professional interest. his medication with his increasingly frequent acts
of violence – is not only misinformed but further
The film’s dominance in the debate about portray-
amplifies stigma and fear.
als of mental illness in the movies comes at a curi-
ous time. Recently, we’ve witnessed great leaps of Studies show this association is exaggerated and
awareness about relatively common mental-health people with severe mental illness are more vul-
issues such as depression and anxiety, and with nerable to violence from others than the general
that awareness, increasing dismissal of the sort population.
of unhelpful prejudices that used to surround
them. These are now readily discussed without
shame and often represented in the media with a
well-informed grasp of the facts, thanks to effective
information campaigns.
However, severe mental health conditions, such
fuck the media
as psychotic illnesses, remain shrouded in stigma
and are consistently misrepresented and misun-
derstood. Portrayals of mental illness in film can
perpetuate unfounded stereotypes and spread mis-
information. One of the more toxic ideas that Joker
29
 Interesting, then, that Joker’s earnest attempt Arthur’s chilling quirk — his bursts of incongruous
to create an empathetic character with mental and uncontrolled laughter — is no laughing matter
illness – who writes: “The worst part of having a either.
mental illness is people expect you to behave as
Presumably, he suffers from the neurological
if you don’t” – contributes to the very prejudice
condition pseudobulbar affect, also known as
that Arthur longs to evade. Arthur’s supposed loss
“emotional incontinence”, perhaps caused by
of grip on reality is suggested by a peppering of
his childhood head trauma. Joker may make an
nods to psychotic symptoms: delusional ideas of
attempt to unpick the difference between the psy-
a grandiose nature (“I am an undiscovered come-
chiatric and the neurological — between a mental
dic genius”) and hallucinations of his neighbour
illness and a medical disorder — but it runs the
– which are confirmed by his eventual admission
risk of conflating the two with a haunting, stigma-
to a psychiatric institution. This restoration of
tising and problematic image. Whether intention-
order via Arkham Asylum affirms the overarching
ally or not, Arthur comes across as a hysterically
inference of the film: Arthur’s descent into violence
laughing supervillain, stereotypically “mad” to the
and destruction is triggered by his mental deteri-
untrained eye; a murderous clown laughing alone
oration. The result of this is to – disappointingly
on a bus.
– remove Arthur’s agency and divert attention from
a potentially more stimulating conversation about Films have the power to perpetuate stigma and
wealth inequality and its responsibility for societal fear, which is why the misrepresentation of severe
collapse. mental illness in Joker should not be dismissed
lightly.
We wouldn’t want to get bogged down in labels,
but the psychopathology Arthur inhabits is foggy
at best: his apparent lack of disordered thinking
means the attempt to illustrate psychosis is half
formed. He also displays traits of narcissism and
depression. This diagnostic vagueness may create
a more relatable character that reflects the pain of
any psychiatric illness; but it gives the impression
that many disorders have been squashed into a plot
device. In the end, it undermines Phoenix’s hyp-
notic performance and Joker’s sincere attempts to
explore the interaction between poverty, inequality
30 and social isolation.