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Ellie Park

Mrs. Scharf

ERWC

03 May 2021

Reflection on the Scholarship Essay

On my original essay from tenth grade, I scored a 9/8 on my “Abolish the Penny”

piece. Although my score was high, I realized that I added way too much fluff around topics

where I did not have much to say. For instance, in the first body paragraph, I wrote about the

1700’s time frame of pricing and the penny’s significance. Looking back, the documents given,

did not mention hardly any 1700s pricing or cultural mentions. So, in my rewrite, I focused on

the penny in present-day use. I made my points clear but did not force myself to follow the

two-chunk paragraph style that often creates inorganic phrasing and direction. Throughout the

essay, I incorporated more textual evidence from all but one of the documents provided. In the

third body paragraph, I added more of Source F and introduced a portion of Source G within my

argument. I also altered the topic of paragraph 2 slightly. Before, the paragraph had a misused

quote from Source C and therefore had an unrefined point after reading both articles. I changed

the context around the Source C quote and even added more supporting words from the author

that added to the visual of the forgotten and impractical penny. I changed the personal

perspective point to a slight counter-argument and rebuttal point for a more objective, but

argumentative tone. I also refined my mismatched, rushed body paragraph 3, in order to

respectfully show the audience, currency past their historical background, and more for their role
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in society. All in all, my “Abolish the Penny” essay from tenth-grade, had solid bones, however

needed to be shortened and clarified.