Ben Broughton Pope TV Sketch frankfromthehub@hotmail.

com

MILES: A TV show that features the Pope is soon to be broadcast; it’s

been billed as a sort of ‘Good Friday Night with Jonathon, -
Lukas and Markus’ affair, in which the chatty man of God will
interact with ordinary people on religious issues. Newsjack has
acquired an exclusive deleted scene from the recording via our
source at the Vatican. Here it is:

POPE: Welcome to ‘Top of the Popes’, live from the Vatican with me
Benedict X-V-Aiii. I’m joined today by members of the public to
talk about everyone’s favourite deity and my personal best
mate; God.

FX: AUDIENCE APPLAUSE

POPE: Firstly I’ll talk with the overeager, orange gentleman with
lipstick on his collar and a fleet of Jezebels surrounding him.

BERLUSCONI: Your Holiness, I’m Silvio and I’ve had some minor problems
and I’m pursuing God’s mercy.

POPE: Child, we all have miner problems from time to time, this is how
the Lord tests our faith.

BERLUSCONI: No father, I’ve had minor problems.

POPE: I see. And you seek penance and reconciliation?

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Ben Broughton Pope TV Sketch frankfromthehub@hotmail.com

BERLUSCONI: More than I seek Miley Cyrus’ phone number, father.

POPE: Lucky for you I’ve facilitated many and I mean; many
individuals in your position regain the grace of God. Are you a
man of the cloth?

BERLUSCONI: I’ve had cloth incorporated into my hairline before.

POPE: No child, have you taken the church to your heart?

BERLUSCONI: No your Holiness, but I once took a cathedral to the face. Does
that deem me worthy of forgiveness?

POPE: Silvio, I can see that despite all the allegations, rumoured ties
with the mafia and your excessive media control – that would
make Murdoch jealous, that you are a religious man at heart.
After all the Catholicism has been accused of many dreadful
acts in the past – yet we know we’ll feel the warm embrace of
our Lord when our time comes.

BERLUSCONI: Does this mean my sins are forgiven?

POPE: Say three “Hail Marys” and – I suppose God would be more
welcoming if you made a contribution. The Apostolic Palace is
need of a new roof, you know?

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Ben Broughton Pope TV Sketch frankfromthehub@hotmail.com

BERLUSCONI: I suppose if I downsize my ‘bunga bunga’ parties – I mean my;

‘important consultations with future leading female politicians’, I
could rustle up a suave and handsome donation – much like
myself. I shall send you a cheque.

POPE: I would prefer it if you wired it to me via my Pay-Papal account.

BERLUSCONI: I didn’t realise the Vatican had become so hi-tech.

POPE: We move gradually with the times, we don’t want to be seen as

cave dwellers like our counterparts. We use computers
regularly– apart from when they’re being seized by the police.

BERLUSCONI: You’re preaching to the choir, your Holiness!

FEMALE: (V.O.) You’ve been watching ‘Top of the Popes’ brought to you
by Holy Water Drink – the only liquid refreshment endorsed by
God and Jesus. Holy Water Drink – keeps you revitalised and
washes away sins – not available in the Middle-East.

END