This ‘wolfie’ series was originally sent out as 6 daily emails.

If you’re not signed up to get the FREE daily emails,

you should be :) go here >
www.tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com
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PART 1. WOLFIE GETS A NAME

When I first quit drinking, I described my “Drink Now” voice on my

blog, and someone reminded me of the two wolves:
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going
on inside me,” he said to the boy.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil—he
is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resent-
ment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued,
“The other is good—he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kind-
ness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The
same fight is going on inside you—and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grand-
father, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
I named the drinking voice in my head ‘Wolfie’, though most days I
don’t dignify him with a capital letter. I began to say “fuck you Wolfie,
I’m not drinking today.” Think of the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood,
dressed up like Gramma, trying to take you off the good path. Think of
the wolf in the Three Little Pigs, trying to find cracks around windows,
to blow your house down.
So I had two voices in my head. Wolfie and some version of a real
me. Wolfie was loud and mean, and my voice was tiny.
Wolfie says: “You’re a disaster, this is all too hard, you’ve had three
weeks sober so you might as well drink now to celebrate.”
The voice that is ME, says: “Maybe going to this party is not good idea.”

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how to deal with wolfie

Wolfie says to you: “You were held by the police overnight until
you sobered up, but now it’s a week later, and that will never happen
again. I’ll make sure that never happens again. You can have a few
drinks and it’ll be fine.”
The voice that is YOU, when you’re 50 days sober, says “I know some-
times I feel like drinking but I’m not going to because I don’t want to
have a new Day 1. I’ve done enough drinking in my past. I know that
Day 1 is rotten.”
The voice that is YOU says: “I want something different and better and
I don’t know what that is yet, but I know I want to try this sober thing.”
[Quoted from pages 45-46]

So what is wolfie? It’s a part of our head, below reason, below intel-
lect, that wants what it wants, and will yell like a toddler until it gets
it. Just like a toddler, though, if you give this voice what it’s asking for,
then the tantrum starts again.

PART 2. THE LIES THAT WOLFIE TELLS

I thought I was the only person with a head that yelled at me.
See all those quiet faces on the bus? Who knows what’s going on in
there. If they’re over-drinkers, they’re probably hearing a version of this:
Drinking is fun, you need to relax, you deserve this. Just one drink,
no one will know, you can sneak, you can hide. Everyone else is doing
it. If you can quit for a few days then there’s no problem, so drink
now (celebrate your sobriety with a drink!). You need alcohol to deal
with your mother. You drink because your husband drinks. How else
will you deal with your complicated life, and stressful job, and anus
co-workers?

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 how to deal with wolfie

I remember how shocked I was to learn that other people had

a “Drink Now” voice too, and that wolfie says the same things to
everyone. I thought it was just me! I thought I was weak. I thought
I was obsessive or wacky or deficient. I mean, alcohol SPOKE to me.
And when I tried NOT to drink, alcohol flat-out YELLED at me.
And it never said nice things.
You’ll never be able to quit forever, might as well drink. You’re bored,
drink. It’s the weekend. It’s Thursday. That meeting is over, time to drink.
It’s summer, winter, snow, sleet, hail, power’s out, time to drink.
How could I have known that other people hear very similar things?
I asked subscribers to send in what wolfie says to them. You thought
you were the only one, right?
• “You don’t have to get wasted or anything, just have one or two. It’s
not for the buzz, you really do like the taste.”
• “You’ll never lose weight, you’re too lazy to exercise, your kids
are grown so your house should be spotless. Sure, you’re highly
respected at your job, but you wouldn’t be if they knew that you
are an impostor. So the one thing you can do now to feel better is to
have a glass of wine.”
• “With some wine, you could take a break from physical and
emotional pain. With some drinks, you could stop working and not
feel guilty about the piles of stuff you think you should be doing.
With a beer or two, you could feel some relief from that anxiety that
has been riding you all day/week/etc.”
• “My “Drink Now” voice tells me a drink will take the edge off so I
won’t be wound so tight about the situation at hand. The voice urges
me to just buy a bottle and to be sober again when it is finished — to
take a pause in my sobriety because I’ve earned it.”
• “Feel bad? Sorry, bug. Let’s feel better. Feel good? Let’s celebrate so
you can forget that...”

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how to deal with wolfie

• “No one will know. Just do a little bit so you can feel special. It tastes
good. You enjoy picking alcohol out in the store.”
• “This is fucked (for whatever reason, social anxiety, I got myself into
a bad situation, someone mistreated me, I am hungover, I need to
be more than I am ...).”
• “You can have a few glasses of wine, you’ve got this under control now.
Moderation is fine, you’ll be relaxed and mellow, you deserve some.”

So, if you have a head that says any of these things, then this is the
wolfie voice, asking for more. And wolfie will ask for alcohol, even if
you’ve just gotten out of the hospital, even if you promised your sister
you’d stop, even if your husband has asked you to leave, even if your
wife is crying.
Your head says:
“Just one more. This time will be different. I’ll be fine. What am I,
weak? Get it together. Let’s drink, for fuck’s sake. Drink Now.”
These are the things that wolfie says.

PART 3. HOW TO CHANGE THE CHANNEL

IN YOUR HEAD

I think I have a lot to say about this. In fact, I wrote out a draft of this
section and it’s long enough that I might have to split it into two! Why?
Because when we’re stuck in our heads, and the wolfie voice is loud,
we need LISTS of things to try.
What can you do to change the channel in your head (either to
prevent wolfie from starting, or to distract him if he does)...
Reverse: Whatever you’re doing now, change it. If you’re sitting,
then stand. If you’re inside, then go out. If you’re in the kitchen, then

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 how to deal with wolfie

move to the living room. If making dinner at 6 p.m. feels weird, make
it in the morning. Or eat cereal for dinner. Or pasta with jarred sauce.
Movement: Dance in the kitchen (this goes well with singing loud
music, and playing loud music, why is it we always do this in the
kitchen, or when driving?). Do jumping-jacks. Run on the spot. Small
bits of exercise can change your mood quite quickly.
Change the Routine (change the order): Eat dinner in the living
room. Have a picnic on the living room floor. Have pancakes for
dinner. Drive home a different way. Go to the museum before going
home. Go to the gym at 6 p.m. Eat earlier or later. Eat before or after
the kids, before or after your partner gets home from work.
Sleep: OK, I know this is obvious, but going to bed is a good way to
change the channel in your head. A tiny nap, and then you wake up
feeling better. Even just the time-out in bed, if you don’t sleep, can be
enough to change the channel.
Blood Sugar: Set a timer on your phone to have a high protein snack
at 4 p.m. This could be hummus, a hard boiled egg, canned tuna, nuts.
Then at 6 p.m., if you’re feeling weird, you can have a replacement
drink. Make sure you have stuff on-hand.
The Actual Channel: TV shows like Friends (for me) or Three’s
Company (my husband’s choice!). TV in a dark room is a good way to
check-out, and have your cozy space, wrapped up in a blanket, where
you can get away from the world.
Water: Swimming, bath, cold shower (start warm and then turn it
down). Walking in the rain (you won’t melt). Trip to the duck pond,
ocean, stream, city fountain.

Now, before you dismiss this whole list, you can actually try the
things. Often wolfie says “this won’t work” so we don’t even try them.
“This won’t work for me, and I can tell before I even try it.” But you

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how to deal with wolfie

know this now: The thing that will change your channel in your head
probably isn’t something you can anticipate. So you have a list of
things, and you try all the things until you find one that works.

PART 4. DISTRACT, REPLACE, CHANGE

OK, today I’m going to share more ideas on how to change the
channel in your head when the “Drink Now” voice is loud.

Transcript from Sober Podcast 017: Sleep & Changing the

Channel [link]
I think Tony Robbins actually is the person who talked about
changing your state, and that for most people, you have only three
ways of doing it: drugs, alcohol, and shopping. I would probably put
sex in there, as well, as a way you can change your mood relatively
quickly. So, drugs, alcohol, shopping, and sex.
Now what OTHER ways are there to change your state, to change
your mood? If you’re feeling anxious or overwhelmed or exhausted
or blue or sad or afraid?
You can make a list, right, of things that you can do to make yourself
feel better. I know it seems ridiculous, right? But when you feel bad,
you can’t think of anything so you need to make the list while you’re
feeling OK, so that you can rely on it when you’re feeling bad.
Singing makes me feel better. If I’m having a bad day, not only will I
put on music, but I’ll put on music that I can sing along to.
I feel better when I have some exercise, which would also go hand-
in-hand with: I feel better when I go outside everyday. Because I work
from home, there are some days where I don’t go outside ...

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 how to deal with wolfie

I’m going to pause this for a second because I have a list. I made
myself a list of things that I can do to change state, she says, madly flip-
ping the pages of the book. OK, I’ll press pause. OK I found it. Here’s
my list. It has 30 things on it. I’ll say them quickly. Listen to loud music.
Play guitar. Sing. Talk on the phone. Write a letter long-hand. Take a
bath with candles. Light candles anywhere in the house. Clean the
house. Oh, it says ‘clean house’ and then the next one says ‘clean the
house’. I think what I meant was I feel better when I have a clean house,
but that I also, if I stop and actually clean something, that process of
cleaning makes me feel better. Go for a run. Make tea. Plan meals. Test
a recipe. Read magazines. Brainstorm with clients. Design a new logo.
Clean off my desk. Read light fiction. Read self-help. Make a puzzle.
Go for a walk. Take pictures. Swimming. Watch a good movie. Go to
a show or a concert. Go to a movie theatre (as opposed to watching a
movie at home). Listen to audio podcasts. Do volunteer work. Some
kind of public speaking. Oh, maybe these podcasts (gasp) ... do you
remember before when I said that I felt better after I did the podcasts?
Because then it was like me listening to a message that didn’t come
from me. I have public speaking on this list of things to change state.
Hilarious. #30 is Writing in journal. Oh look, there’s more. 31: Playing
cards, 32: Exploring a new city, 33: Museum, 34: Travel, 35: Write a
restaurant review.
These are 35 things I can do to change the channel in my head. Would
you like to add some? Why don’t you send me an email and tell me
5 things that you can add to that list that are specific to you. You
might have a dog you can walk or pet. You can snuggle with a kidlet,
especially a little baby kidlet who has that good smelling top of their
head. You can make cookies with a toddler. You can finger paint. You
can actually sit on the floor and play with a child. Because really those

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how to deal with wolfie

things that we say we don’t have time for, can really change our state
also. Now see, I learned something. I’m so glad I did this. Aren’t you
glad we had time this together? OK, this is self-centred Belle signing off
for yet another podcast. Talk to you soon. OK. Good-byeeeee.

And then there’s this from the book:

How about dance? Did you put that on your list? Play loud music
(that’s one) and then dance around the living room (that’s two), singing
very loudly (that’s three). You can play piano (four).
It’s not only the fact that playing piano distracts you. The act of
playing itself makes you feel better. You like playing piano. You feel
better when you do it.
You have many of these ‘feel better when you do it’ things. You have
forgotten what they are. Booze flows in, regular life and regular coping
strategies flow out. Remove the booze, stand there for a few moments
thinking, “what now?”
What now. You do other things. You have your replacement drink.
You dig in the garden, scrub the garage floor, clean the bathtub. Declut-
tering is surprisingly therapeutic (cleaning from the outside-in).
How long is your list of activities to change the channel now that
you’re thinking about it consciously? You thought the only way to
unwind was with a drink. That is what Wolfie tells us, and it turns out
that Wolfie is a lying bastard.
I know this whole section seems ridiculous, but when we’re feeling
ginormously bad, we can’t think of anything to do that would make us
feel better. So right here, right now, you are going to make a list (while
you’re feeling relatively OK) so you can look at it later (when you’re
feeling shitty and think that drinking is the only solution to all of life’s
problems). [Quoted from pages 93–94]

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 how to deal with wolfie

PART 5. ANY VOICE THAT ISN’T SAYING

“TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU” IS WOLFIE
So you have a voice that thinks that drinking is a good idea. And I have
that voice too. Probably everyone reading this, everyone subscribed
here, everyone who passes by briefly at 3 a.m., has the same voice.
The voice that thinks that NOW would be a GREAT time to drink. And
then to have some more. A drink in the restaurant followed by buying
more on the way home, sitting up late in the dark after everyone has
gone to bed.
That voice.
Now you might say, “But I can’t tell if the voice is me or if it’s wolfie.”
And I’m like, really?

Let’s give you a test, shall we?

Can you identify this voice?
• “You should get alcohol on the way home from the restaurant.”
• “You totally can have a few mini bottles while making dinner and
stop then. OK, you won’t stop, but still.”
• “It won’t be Thanksgiving unless there’s wine. How will you deal
with your mother if you’re not drunk. All that noise and chaos. All
the football and the boredom. You’ll have to drink then, right?”

Now those comments all sound like wolfie, don’t they. They all have
‘drink’ or ‘alcohol’ in them.

But what about the other voices you might hear?

• “You are a terrible husband, and you should make fresh tomato
sauce with all the garden tomatoes before there’s frost. You should
do that now. Yes, even at 10:30 p.m., start now.”

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how to deal with wolfie

• “You really aren’t any fun any more.”

• “You’re bored and it’s a long time from 6 p.m. to bedtime. What are
you going to do?”
• “You should do a bunch of things that you’ve been putting off, instead
of relaxing this weekend. In fact, your to-do list is monstrous, and you
continue to add to it every day, and you’re never going to get caught
up, so you should get up at 6 a.m. and work straight through without
eating, without a break, until midnight and just get-er-done.”
• “It’s totally OK to make the appetizer, the entree, and the dessert,
drive 12 hours in the car, and cat-sit for your neighbour all on the
same weekend.”

These voices are all wolfie too. Winding you up, so that drinking will
seem like a good idea.

What about these voices? Do you hear these ones as often? Or

have you been pouring alcohol on your head for so long that
this voice is dimmed? The voice that says ...
• How about a bath now
• Leave the laundry for tomorrow and go to bed, it’s time
• Turn off the Netflix after 2 shows, that’s plenty, then have a bath and
head to bed
• How about a sober treat for doing the hard things
• How about eating that sober treat in the tub while watching a show
on the laptop propped up carefully FAR away from the tub
• How about saying “I’m sorry, I can’t help you this time” to your
11-year old who left his binder at home, to your husband who wants
to know if you’ll go and pick up his mother at the airport three hours
away for her 2 a.m. flight, to your boss who asks if you can cover for
Cindy this weekend and be on-call so that you can’t actually relax,

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 how to deal with wolfie

and you can’t take care of you. “I’m sorry, I can’t help you this time.”
If they keep talking, repeat the sentence again.

Because when you’re sober, you’re going to have a crash course in

self-care whether you like it or not.

What does self-care look like?

It looks like not getting so wound up that drinking might seem like a
good idea. It means doing fewer things, with more breaks. It means
that some nights you have Cheerios for dinner (with blueberries if you
have them, but plain if you don’t). Self-care means that your to-do list
is too long, will not get done, and is stressing you out for no reason.
Learn Spanish? You can remove that from your list. Just being sober is
enough of a project for now.
You’re learning how to take care of you, which means you HAVE to
learn to identify the wolfie voice.
If you have a sober penpal/coach/mentor/therapist, then you can
run stuff past them. I know, it’s awkward to ask for help, right? Do it
anyway. Send an email like this:
I’m thinking of leaving work late on Friday, flying x hours to my ex’s
birthday party and I’m on day 8 sober. Thoughts? I know it sounds like
wolfie, but I really want to go.
Or this one:
Dear Belle, I have so many fun things to do this weekend and it’s so
great, I want to do all of them. You can’t be overwhelmed with things
you like, right? I want to do them all. They fill me up. There’s no problem
here, is there?
Well, sure, you can be overwhelmed with fun stuff. Sure you can.
Can I write a book and train for a marathon and cater a wedding all
at the same time? They all sound like fun, don’t they? Can I do them

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how to deal with wolfie

all at once? Probably not. Not in early sobriety anyway. And the big
wedding that I did cater when I was one year sober, I set up all kinds
of extra supports, to err on the side of caution. It wasn’t about try to
cram 10 pounds of shit into a 5 pound bag, it was more about making
sure there was margin, there was backup, there was help, a schedule,
that things were done in advance, and that I had a treat for every day
when I headed to the tub to celebrate the end of the shift. I remember
one treat was a little frozen coffee flavoured dessert. And another day
my treat was a green silicone spatula. I still have it. I remember you,
Mr. Spatula, you were my reward for a long catering shift. Was I at
risk of drinking? No. But did I look forward to my treat in the tubbie?
You betcha.

It’s hard to figure out which voice is which.

You really have to frame it like this: Any voice that ISN’T saying ‘take
good care of you’ is wolfie.
What about you? What do you hear in your head that doesn’t sound
like wolfie, but probably is ... something about doing too much? For
too many people, without enough alone time? Something about saying
yes too often, when you’d rather say no.
You know how you can tell you’re doing too much? When something
gets cancelled and you go “phew, that’s a relief.” Imagine if you were
home, bored, waiting to go—you’d be disappointed about a cancella-
tion, right? Not us. Nope. We’re like “phew, now I can work on that
other fucking thing on my list instead.” OK, not you. For you, you
think “phew, I can change the sheets and go to bed early, reading my
favour­ite book about the placebo effect, and finish my love letter to
Belle about how she’s a genius.”
Sleep. Rest. Time off. Time alone. Time (and focus) to read, watch a
movie. Still flipping channels, can’t watch a show without doing eight

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 how to deal with wolfie

things at the same time? More ease. More softness. More slowness.
Fewer things in one day.
And while this might be an epidemic for the world, all this push-
pushing, for US it’s a fucking danger zone. It’s a red-hot warning
that wolfie will use to encourage us to drink. Any time you hear “this
is all too hard,” then change lanes right away. Find a break. Cancel
something yourself. You don’t have to wait for a snow day. You can
announce one. You can take snow from your imagination and sprinkle
it around the living room. This can be your snow day today. Were you
looking for permission?
Hereby granted.

PART 6. HOW DO YOU GET RID OF THE

WOLFIE VOICE

When I first quit drinking, I was quite terrified that I not only had
to give up alcohol, but that I’d be stuck for the rest of my life with this
really loud voice in my head yelling “Drink Now.”
It would’ve been impossible to have convinced me that the voice
would stop. I mean, it’d been with me for so long ... forever. When I
tried to moderate, the voice was there. When I tried to quit, the voice
was there.
I had no experience, and no faith, that it’d ever get any better.
When I read online about people who said that the wolfie voice even-
tually stopped, well that made it seem like quitting drinking was a
cult: “Come over here, it’s so much better. You’ll never regret it. All
of the goodness is on this side.” And I gotta tell ya, I flat-out thought
they were lying.
OK, so what’s the answer?

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how to deal with wolfie

Here’s the truth. For the first 7-9 days, you may well feel like you
have the flu. At around day 16, things feel quite a bit better. By day 30
you’re sleeping better.
And by day 60, something quite miraculous happens. You will begin to
have days (or parts of days) where you don’t think about drinking at all.
Sometimes, too, when you first quit, you’re worried about how much
time you’re spending on sober support (and concerned that might also
last forever).
For me, I was routinely reading and writing sober stuff 1-2 hours a
day for the first 60 days. That’s what I needed to feel normal, to feel
less wobbly.
So right around day 60, things get easier. It’s not a miracle, it’s a
process. It’s a 1% better each day kind of thing. But you’ll get to a place
where you’ll email me and say, “Well, I never thought it would happen
for me, but I hardly ever think about drinking any more.”
You think that won’t be you.
Here’s one way to test it out: Go to Day 60, with good and proper
support, using all your tools, doing all the things, and then see how
you feel. Do 60 days continuously sober, avoiding whatever you have
to avoid, in order to be successful, and THEN assess how you feel.
How loud is the voice then?
Pretty quiet.
And this quiet sober head doesn’t come with attempting to ‘moderate’.
This quiet head doesn’t come when you’re hanging around Day 1 (you
know this already!). The relief of a quieter wolfie voice doesn’t come
when you drink for two days and then quit for two days (you’ve maybe
tried this, too).
The quietness comes when you stop drinking, add on tools and
supports, and move away from Day 1.

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And then when you DO hear wolfie, it’ll be more of a thought, not a
craving. And you’ll know what it is, and you’ll know how to deal with
it. Because to get to Day 60 means you’re learning day-by-day how to
deal, what to do, what to avoid, how much sleep you need, when to get
treats, and these help you to navigate ongoing.
So really. Go to Day 60 :) Tell me what you think when you get there!

Paris, October 15, 2019

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Links

Page 2, Book > www.100daysoberchallenge.com

Page 2, Toddler blog post > www.soberlinks.me/toddler
Page 6, Sleep & Changing the Channel > www.soberlinks.me/17
Page 8, Book > www.100daysoberchallenge.com

This ‘wolfie’ series was originally sent out as 6 daily emails. If

you’re not signed up to get the free daily emails, you should be :)
go here > www.tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com and add your
name.

The podcast subscription, where you get 1-2 new audios each
week is here > www.audiosober.com

And the sober art, thanks to Mr.Belle, that has been sent all over
the world more than 500 times, is here >
www.artsober.com (you can pick out one for you!)

many hugs, me :)

Page 16 © 2019. Tired of Thinking About Drinking

 Author: Belle Robertson
Published by Tower Road Press

Tired of Thinking About Drinking

© 2019 . All Rights Reserved
This is my shit. Go make your own shit.

TIRED OF THINKING ABOUT DRINKING