Marlene Amero

673, Words

A Place of No Return

"What is it? I cried, feeling empty and worthless inside. I’m a man of many weaknesses, fighting
battles that rage within and without. With no where to go, my horse Trigger and I ride out into an open
space that leads to no where.

Trigger comes to a quick stop, seeing the same thing, and jerks backward. I jump to the ground,
holding my horses reins. I look closer, and watching ghostly as it moved toward me, I began to fear.
Discouragement, discontentment, and unhappiness caused my heart to race, while tears filled my eyes.
I continued to stare, backing away, but the grip was too strong.

I saw myself, my life, my heart all wrapped up in that thing. Not realizing that it was the cause of all
my failures and fears. How can I describe such a thing as mixed up as it seemed to appear? The bottle,
the taste, has let many down, left many homeless, divorced, childless, lonely, fearful, grieved, helpless
and empty.

With mourning and groaning the bottle stared at me with eyes of fire; sending forth a sweet odor of
new wine, that was hard to resist. I told myself I would never be able to live without it as I begin losing
strength. Reminding me of many nights I found myself alone, hurting after losing my wife and family. I
sought for comfort from it but it always failed to give.

I heard as it were dragging chains, weary and entangled as though by the weight it carried. Leaving
an impression that had a bearing upon me I took a step back as my horse jerked backward again.
Running off, Trigger left me with the suddenness of my movements, fearing I might depend once again
upon this bottle power. I felt weighted down the more I stared at it. How intangible can a man feel, as
he glares too long, and becomes hypnotized by the cruel image of its making? As I move towards it, it
seemed to speak my name, and losing strength it was gaining just what my heart did not want and that
was to allow it to control me again. Getting hold of the neck of it, planning with all my might to throw
it far away from me, it forced itself closer to my lips, causing my skin to become damp, prickly as I
began to sweat.

Before I realized it had me, causing me to look as meaningless as it appeared to be. Having no
answers, no feeling of security, I began to depend upon its strength once again. It was then it let me
down. I cried for its mercy, but it had none to give. The only thing it could do was wrap me up in its
destructive arms. Tipping up the bottle too many times made me realize right then, there wasn't
anything about the bottle that could fulfill the desires of my heart. There wasn't even hope that I would
ever be the same again. It had me wrapped in its arms with me pleading for a way out. I hope one day
I'll be able to turn my back on it, forever, but sometimes I fear there is no hope, for each time I try it's
then I lose strength. It's then it plays on me with a, horrible grip. My knees tremble and I shake at the
thoughts of it's power. I cry, Why! Why have I let myself get so tangled into such a thing? I lay with it
against my chest. I can't move. It has me once again in it's power and now I feel alone and hopeless.
Where will I go? Even trigger, my horse, has left me and I am here by myself with no one to care and
no power within myself to overcome my desire that has destroyed my life, ruined my past, and eating
on my present which is giving me no hope for the future."