Essay Writing Teaching Pack

Essay writing pack
Contents
Introduction
Getting students started
Lesson ideas
Resources
Planning and structuring essays
Lesson ideas
Resources
Introductions and conclusions
Lesson ideas
Resources
Using quotations
Lesson ideas
Resources
Inference and deduction
Lesson ideas
Resources
Formal essay vocabulary
Lesson ideas
Resources
Drafting and redrafting
Lesson ideas
Resources
Appendix 1 – student essays
www.teachit.co.uk 25528 Page 2 of 101

Essay writing pack
Introduction
This teaching pack contains lesson ideas, student-facing resources and genuine student
exemplar essays that are designed to help Key Stage 3 students develop writing skills
they will need in GCSE English Literature. This pack is designed as a kind of ‘toolkit’ to
help your students write about a class novel, non-fiction excerpts or a play.
The pack is organised into seven main sections, with each section targeting different
essay writing skills. These are:
 Getting students started: imperative verbs and essay question styles
 Planning and structuring essays: key ideas, paragraphs and linking phrases
 Introductions and conclusions: engaging your reader and summarising
 Using quotations: selecting evidence and embedding quotations
 Inference and deduction: analysis and using the PEE structure
 Formal essay vocabulary: connectives in context, discursive writing techniques,
developing sophisticated word and sentence choices
 Drafting and redrafting: improving vocabulary and structure, self and peer-assessment,
identifying spelling, punctuation and grammatical errors.
The student-facing resources and integrated student exemplar materials can be found
at the end of each section. The student exemplar essays are included in full as
Appendix 1 at the end of the pack.

Essay writing pack
The student exemplar materials are based on:
 Wilfred Owen’s poem ‘Dulce et Decorum Est’ (Student A-G)
 Fran Abrams’ ‘A single room at the Savoy costs £300 a night. A cleaner there earns
£150 a week’ (which the students call ‘Night Cleaner at the Savoy Hotel’) available
here: www.theguardian.com/society/2002/jan/28/socialexclusion.g2
 two extracts from George Orwell’s novel Down and Out in Paris and London (1933):
the first from Chapter 3 (‘It is altogether curious, your first contact with poverty …’ to
‘You plan to grab a loaf and run, swallowing it before they catch you; and you refrain,
from pure funk …’) and the second from the start of Chapter 10 (‘The Hôtel X was a
vast, grandiose place with a classical façade…’ to ‘I realised that the curses I had met
with were only a kind of probation.’) (Student H-N).
The pack lends itself to being used in different ways. It could be used alongside your
class novel or play, to begin embedding the essay writing skills required for GCSE.
Alternatively, it could be dipped into on an ad hoc basis and used for intervention to
help with the specific skills needed to write essays about texts.
This pack is designed for the 2014 Key Stage 3 curriculum, and specifically addresses the
learning objectives below.
Students should be taught to:
 write accurately, fluently, effectively and at length for pleasure and information
through:
 writing for a wide range of purposes and audiences, including:
 well-structured formal expository and narrative essays
 summarising and organising material, and supporting ideas and arguments
with any necessary factual detail
 applying their growing knowledge of vocabulary, grammar and text
structure to their writing and selecting the most appropriate form

Essay writing pack
 drawing on literary and rhetorical devices from their reading and listening
to enhance the impact of their writing.
 plan, draft, edit and proof-read through:
 considering how their writing reflects the audiences and purposes for
which it was intended
 amending the vocabulary, grammar and structure of their writing to
improve its coherence and overall effectiveness
 paying attention to accurate grammar, punctuation and spelling.
Our thanks go to contributor Laura Storr who has written this pack, to the year nine
students who wrote the essays and to the writers of the resources used in this pack:
Deborah Andrew, Lucy Cripps, Rhiannon Glover, Stephanie Hamman, Edna Hobbs,
Joanne Irving, Helen Magner, Fiona Mansell, Sarah Moody, Lucy Meredith, Ruth
Newbury, Alison Powell and Angela Topping.
We hope you enjoy using this pack. If you have any questions, please get in touch: email
support@teachit.co.uk or call us on 01225 788850. Alternatively, you might like to give
some feedback for other Teachit members – you can do this by adding a comment on
the Essay writing teaching pack page on Teachit English.
A note from the writer
For students entering Key Stage 3, the essay is one of the greatest fears in English
assessment. It's something that is not encountered in Key Stage 2, yet a skill that needs
to be fully accomplished for the demands of the new 1-9 GCSE specifications.
With English Literature hoisting itself up the importance stakes to stand side by side
with English Language in the Progress Eight performance measures, it is essential we are
preparing students for the challenge and rigour demanded of them straight away. This
pack is designed to allay some of the anxiety and build students’ confidence in writing
skills.

Imperative verbs, recipes and … mmm, cake
For many students, the essay question itself poses the first stumbling block. The use of
formal language and imperatives that make demands the students don't understand can
lead to disengagement. This task helps students to start using the essay terminology in a
way that makes the sometimes impenetrable language of an essay question fun and
approachable.
Have a look at a recipe for a cake from any cookbook or website. As an initial activity,
ask students to attempt to identify the imperative verbs before collating a class
definition of the word type. When the imperatives have been identified, ask students to
think about what these words have in common. Where else might we find similar types
of words? Recipes, instructions for technology, games, homework tasks, craft activities
etc. might be on the list.
Give students a range of these different texts and again get them to identify imperative
verbs. Students should then rank the texts in the order of formality, from most formal
to least formal. Do the types of imperative verbs change or are they fairly similar? Ask
students to highlight words that indicate the level of formality. What other techniques
have the writers used to make the text formal or informal?
Cut open her heart and sprinkle it with love …
Give her a cuddle and a nice warm glove … (or something less cheesy!)
When students are familiar with imperative verbs, they could write a poem about
subjects such as: friendship, love, courage, ambition etc. They should aim to use the
same structure and imperative verb choices as a recipe, instruction sheet for technology
or game, homework task or craft activity.

What do the Bloom’s words mean?
Encouraging the use of Bloom’s taxonomy within your ordinary classroom dialogue
enables students to accept such terminology into their common usage. If you have a
mixed ability class, you could split your class into groups to define the meaning of each
of the key words, differentiating according to the level of challenge of each key word;
alternatively if your class are all the same ability level, you could target the most
relevant ability level of the question stem for your class.
The Bloom’s vocabulary to explore is:
1. Knowledge: find and remember information.
2. Comprehension: understand information.
3. Application: use information in a different but similar way.
4. Analysis: look at the information in detail and find links.
5. Synthesis: change the information into a different form.
6. Evaluation: make judgements about the information.
Students should use a dictionary to write down a definition for the relevant word(s).
Provide students with the resource ‘Bloom’s examples’ which asks them to match up a
number of words from Bloom’s taxonomy with example questions. This is a challenging
activity, so you might want to give fewer example questions to match up to your lower
ability students.
Second guessing essay questions
The Teachit English ‘Bloom’s taxonomy’ resource provides a great introduction to

Bloom’s, focusing its tasks on the ‘Little Red Riding Hood’ fairy tale. You could adapt
the questions to suit any text for your students. This activity could be used in
conjunction with the What do the Bloom’s words mean? activity suggested above.

Setting the questions
Provide students with an interesting image such as a busy city scene or a shopping
centre. Give each student a slip of paper. They should write a question using one of the
Blooms trigger verbs you have explored and then fold it up and put it in a hat/bag. You
could provide students with suggestions for ‘essay topics’ such as: colour, the sky,
speed, people, cars. Each student then chooses a question out of the hat/bag to
answer.
Making light of tricky imperatives
In order for students to get used to the vocabulary in essay questions, and writing
extended lengths, give them a range of non-literary based topics to write about. Below
are some suggestions. As a quick starter or plenary activity, you could give them a
couple of suggestions and ask them to add to the list of fictional essay questions.
 Analyse the experience of eating a square of chocolate.
 Evaluate the reasons why chocolate is more popular than broccoli.
 Compare the smells of a variety of different herbs and spices or fruit and
vegetables.
 Identify five things in the classroom that are blue. Explain which shade of blue you
prefer.

Bloom’s examples’
Match up the example questions with the level of understanding in Bloom’s taxonomy.
Identify all the reasons the advert suggests you

Evaluation
should buy an iPhone.
List the instructions for how to make a

Analysis
chocolate cake.
Summarise the plot. Knowledge
Watch the video clip and explain how to make a

Evaluation
cup of tea.
Draw a number of pictures to show how to make

Knowledge
a cup of tea.
Compare how making a cake differs to making a

Synthesis
smoothie.
Categorise the pictures of cakes into different

Comprehension
groups based on their colour.
Invent a new machine that speeds up the cake

Application
making process.
Devise a new ending for last night’s Poldark. Synthesis
How would you rate last night’s episode of

Analysis
Poldark?
How would you decide where to go on holiday? Comprehension

Teaching notes - Answers
Example Question Bloom’s vocabulary
Identify all the reasons the advert suggests you should buy Knowledge
an iPhone.
List the instructions for how to make a chocolate cake. Knowledge
Summarise the plot. Comprehension
Watch the video clip and explain how to make a cup of tea. Comprehension
Draw a number of pictures to show how to make a cup of Application

tea.
Compare how making a cake differs to making a smoothie. Analysis
Categorise the pictures of cakes into different groups based Analysis

on their colour.
Invent a new machine that speeds up the cake making Synthesis

process.
Devise a new ending for last night’s Poldark. Synthesis
How would you rate last night’s episode of Poldark? Evaluation
How would you decide where to go on holiday? Evaluation

Bloom’s taxonomy
Outline
Knowledge The learner recalls information.
Comprehension The learner understands what is being communicated.
The learner uses abstractions (ideas learned) in particular and concrete

Application
situations.
Analysis The learner can examine and break down information into parts.
The learner puts together elements or parts to form a whole, using old
Synthesis ideas to create new ones, generalising from given facts and relating
knowledge from several areas.
The learner makes judgements about the value of the material or

Evaluation
methods for a given purpose.
Examples throughout are based on the fairy tale Little Red Riding Hood.
Knowledge – Level 1
The learner recalls information.
Key vocabulary
define, describe, identify, list, match, name, tell, show, label, collect, examine,
who, when, where, recall, recognise, record, underline, order, state
Sentence starters
 What is …?  How is …?  Where is …?

 Can you recall …?  Who was …?  Which one …?
 Why did …?  Can you list three …?  Who were the main
…?
 How did …?  When did …?
For example:
 Who was Little Red Riding Hood?

 Where did she live?
 Who did she live with?
 What did her mother ask her to do?

Bloom’s taxonomy
Comprehension – Level 2
The learner demonstrates understanding of information.
Key vocabulary
estimate, explain, generalise, rewrite, summarise, describe, interpret, contrast, predict,

associate, differentiate, discuss, extend, cite examples of, demonstrate use of, describe,
determine, discuss, differentiate between, discriminate, express, identify, locate, pick, report,
review, recognise, select, tell, translate, respond
Sentence starters
 How would you classify the type of …?  How would you compare/contrast …?
 In your own words explain …  Rephrase …
 What facts or ideas show …?  What is the main idea of …?
 Which statements support …?  Can you explain what is happening …?
 What can you say about …?  How would you summarise …?
For example:
 Why did her mother want her to go to the forest?

 What did Little Red Riding Hood look like?
 What do we learn about her?
Application – Level 3
The learner uses abstractions or skills in new situations, applying rules, laws, methods, and
theories to solve problems.
Key vocabulary
compute, demonstrate, show, use, solve, apply, calculate, complete, illustrate, examine,
modify, relate, change, classify, experiment, discover, dramatise, employ, generalise, interpret,
operate, practise, use, utilise, initiate, choose, sketch, solve, write

Bloom’s taxonomy
Sentence starters
 How would you organise … to show …?  How would you show your
understanding of …?
 How would you apply what you have learned  What would result if …?
to develop …?
 Can you make use of the facts to …?  What elements would you
choose to change …?
 What facts would you select to show …?
For example:
 How was the wolf like a real person?

 Why did Little Red Riding Hood go into the little house?
 Write a sign that should be placed near the edge of the forest.
 Draw a picture of what the grandmother’s house looked like.
 Draw a map showing Little Red Riding Hood’s house, the path in the forest and the
grandmother’s house.
 Show through action how Little Red Riding Hood behaved when she arrived at her
grandmother’s house.
Analysis – Level 4
The learner can examine and break down information into parts.
Key vocabulary
analyse, separate, order, explain, connect, classify, arrange, divide, compare, select, explain,
infer, categorise, classify, compare, contrast, discover, dissect, examine, inspect, simplify,
survey, take part in, test for, distinguish
Sentence starters
 How is … related to …?  What motive is there …?

 What inference can you make …?  What conclusions can you draw …?
 What evidence can you find …?  What is the relationship between …?
 Can you make a distinction between  What is the function of …?
…?
 What ideas justify …?

Bloom’s taxonomy
For example:
 How did the wolf react to Little Red Riding Hood?

 Why didn’t Little Red Riding Hood follow her mother’s advice?
Synthesis – Level 5
The learner puts together elements or parts to form a whole, using old ideas to create new ones,
generalising from given facts and relating knowledge from several areas.
Key vocabulary
build, choose, combine, compile, compose, construct, create, design, develop, estimate,
formulate, imagine, invent, make up, plan, predict, propose, solve, suppose, discuss, modify,
change, improve, adapt, delete, theorise, elaborate, test, improve
Sentence starters
 What changes would you make to solve …?

 What would happen if …?
 How would you adapt … to create a different …?
 What could be combined to improve …?
 Suppose you could … what would you do?
 Can you think of an original way to …?
For example:
 What happened after Little Red Riding Hood discovered that her grandmother was
actually the wolf in disguise?
 What happened before Little Red Riding Hood went into the forest? What is the first thing
she did when she went into the house?
 Draw a cartoon or write a story about wolves.
 Do you know any other stories about children who escape from danger?
 Make a puppet out of one of the characters. Using the puppet, act out his/her part in the
story.
 Make a picture/model of the grandmother’s house and the forest.

Bloom’s taxonomy
Evaluation – Level 6
The learner makes judgments about the value of the material or methods.
Key vocabulary
rate, recommend, explain, appraise, prioritise, assess, influence, award, choose, conclude,
criticise, decide, defend, determine, dispute, evaluate, judge, justify, measure, compare,
mark, perceive, value, estimate, influence
Sentence starters
 What is your opinion of …?

 Can you assess the value or importance of …?
 Would it be better if …?
 What would you cite to defend the actions of …?
 What would you select …?
 How would you prioritise …?
 What information would you use to support the view …?
 How would you justify …?
For example:
 What do you think of Little Red Riding Hood’s behaviour?

 How important is the woodcutter to the outcome of the story?
 What value do stories like this have for children?

Planning and Structuring Essays
Mind-mapping
Introduce students to the idea of planning their answers through mind-mapping.
A good initial introduction to mind-mapping is to create an ‘All about me’ mind map.
Students should put their name in the centre and then have lines coming out from that
to sections such as:
 family
 hobbies
 school
 food.
Students can then include lines out from these categories to create a full information
sheet about themselves. Students could develop this into a piece of writing by using
their sections as sub-headings.
Once you've taught the skill of mind-mapping, transferring it to essay planning should be
an easy process.
Reading the question
One of the key starting points when planning an essay is zooming in on the details of the
question. Take students through the process of identifying the key words in the question
and linking these to the Assessment Objectives. At this point it might be a good
opportunity to take your students through the assessment criteria / mark scheme that
your school uses so that students are aware of how they can gain credit. It is also a good
idea to encourage students to look back on targets from previous assessments, giving
them an opportunity to feed it forward by either rewriting their target out at the top of
the page they are going to do their essay planning on, or by completing a set task linked
to their target on this new text.

‘What makes a good essay?’
Teachit English resource 7414 ‘What makes a good essay?’ would work as an excellent
starter activity to get students thinking about the component parts of an essay.
Students rearrange the statements into the order in which they feel are most to least
important when writing an essay. Students should then be able to justify the reasons for
their choices. You could then follow it with a continuum activity across your classroom
where students place themselves with a statement on an imaginary line from 1 to 10.
You can then use questioning to get some really good discussion going about what makes
a good essay.
What should I include in my essay?
Teachit English resource 4895 ‘Planning framework for essay’ provides an excellent
basis for planning the main parts of an effective essay. Using the components of a house
the plan enables students to plan for the key structural features of an introduction (the
‘door’) and a conclusion (the ‘roof’) as well as a number of key developing points using
evidence from the text (the ‘windows’). The resource is based on Willy Russell’s Blood
Brothers but could easily be adapted to a different text. Give groups of two or three
students the empty house structure from this resource and ask them to identify the four
key paragraphs/windows that they feel they will need in the essay title you have set.
There are two ways they could go about this. They could either identify thematic areas
to discuss, for example: the setting, a character or a key event; alternatively, they
could structure their windows to be a number of skill types such as language analysis or
contextual information. Students should fill in the windows of the house with the
‘topics’ they are going to talk about.

Does the order matter?
Give students the essay in the resource ‘Does the order matter?’ which has the
paragraphs in the wrong order. You could use these questions as clues, if students get
stuck:
1. Are there any paragraphs that contain numbers, hinting at where this paragraph comes
in the essay e.g. a chapter number or temporal connectives such as ‘Firstly’?
2. Do any of the paragraphs repeat information found in other paragraphs?
3. Do any of the paragraphs introduce what the essay might be about?
4. Do any of the paragraphs refer back to all of the other paragraphs?
5. Are there any cohesive devices or connectives used in the paragraphs to link them
together?
Once students have successfully rearranged the essay into the correct order they should
write an explanation to support their work explaining what clues they used to put the
essay into the right order. Students should also consider what the problems would be if
the paragraphs were put into a different order.
Using connectives
Teachit English activity ‘Connectives lesson starter’ (Teachit English resource conn878)
provides an excellent introduction to using connectives to develop ideas. The
‘Connectives writing placemat’ (Teachit English resource 20352) would also support
students and keep them focused in linking their sentences and paragraphs together
within their own essay writing. Note than in the previous curriculum these were
referred to as ‘connectives’, and that from 2014 students are expected to recognise
them by the correct grammatical terms (conjunctions, adverbs and prepositions).
In order to get students to practise their skills using connectives, set them a creative
writing title, such as The Circus or The Email. Every student should write a sentence
which includes a connective and then pass their page onto the person sitting next to
them. They should then do the same and pass it on. Set up some class rules such as: no
story can use the same connective more than once etc. By the end of the activity, each
student will have their original piece of paper back. They should use a highlighter pen
to go through the story and identify every connective that has been used. Ask a couple
of students to share their finished stories and ask them why they think connectives are
important in order to structure their writing, and what they add to creative writing. You
might also consider the negative impact of overusing connectives in narrative writing!

What makes a good essay?
Note for teachers:
This is intended as a sorting activity. In pairs or small groups, students arrange the comments
into a diamond, with the most helpful comments at the top and the least helpful or inaccurate
pieces of advice at the bottom. Ideally students then look at a sample essay and assess how well
it has been written. They can then apply the same strategy to their own essays.
What makes a good essay?
If you express an
Every paragraph Your essay should just
opinion about
should be relevant retell the story of
something, you should
to the title of the whatever poem or book
be able to back it up
essay. you have read.
with evidence.
You should give the

reader no option but You shouldn’t have to Your introduction should
to believe you are prove your point. relate to the essay title.
right.
A good essay has a You should skip from A strong conclusion

carefully considered one topic to another in makes the reader
structure. the same paragraph. remember your essay.
If you write more you get

If you use a big font You should let all your
a better grade, even if
it looks as if you’ve sentences run into each
your writing isn’t very
written more. other.
good.
You should show that you

You should use linking
Paragraphs are not understand your subject
words (connectives) to
really important. by including terms that
start new sentences.
you have learned.
It’s a good idea to

Varying the way you
imagine that the reader
start your sentences You shouldn’t bother
has a basic understanding
makes them more trying new vocabulary.
of what you are writing
interesting to read.
about.

Planning framework for essay
Task
Draw out a copy of the house shown below and then use it to plan an answer to the following
question:
Write in detail your opinions about the Lyons family. You must use evidence from the
text such as quotations to prove your points. You should explain your choice of quotations
and make your points as detailed and interesting as possible.
You might want to discuss:
 the different characters (Mrs Lyons, Mr Lyons and Edward Lyons)

 where they live
 what their opinions are/how they speak
 how the Lyons family is different to the Johnstone family
 how the different characters are feeling during these scenes and how the actors
might show this on stage
 how you would stage these scenes if you were a director (what atmosphere
would you want to create in the house?)
Conclusion:
Have you covered
Opinion: everything? Opinion:
Evidence: Evidence:
Introduction:
Opinion: Opinion:
What are your main
ideas?
Evidence: Evidence:

Does the order matter?
The paragraphs below are all from a sample essay written by Student C about the
poem ‘Anthem for Doomed Youth’ by Wilfred Owen. Work out what order the
essay should be in, by cutting up the parts and arranging the paragraphs in the
correct order.
Finally Owen used rhyme in his poem, he rhymed on nearly every other line which
really made the poem flow. Because of how the poem flows, it links every line
together creating a story, this makes it feel as though what happens on that line will
have a big effect later. I think this was the point Owen was trying to get across by
using rhyme, the fact that every thing that happened during the war could have an
effect later on, causing a chain reaction.
Owen also used personification in his poem, ‘monstrous anger of the guns,’ and,
‘stuttering rifles' rapid rattle,’ are both expressing the sounds the guns made.
‘Monstrous’ could be talking about how shocking the sound of the gun is and how it is
also incredibly frightening for the soldiers to listen to. ‘Stuttering’ is suggesting how
the noises can be very repetitive. Owen could have just written this to show the reader
how even just the noise of these weapons could terrify the soldiers.
Secondly, on the second and third line Owen used repetition of the phrase, ‘only the,’
he uses this as he talks about how the soldiers dying will only be able to hear the
sound of gunfire etc as they are dying. By writing like this he is suggesting that they
won’t even be able to hear what every-person would get to hear at their funeral, the
sound of bells. All they get is the sound of what killed them and what will kill their
comrades.
For this assessment, I am going to write about how Owen presents the realities of war
in his poem, Anthem for Doomed Youth. To do this I will make several different points
about his techniques and how they help to portray the reality of war.
In conclusion, I think Owen used different techniques to give across different points on
the war, however I think the main point he was trying to get across was that the
soldiers who died probably won’t be noticed and they probably won’t get a funeral. I
think Owen successfully got his point across and presented the realities of war by using
different techniques his own thoughts on war, which also gave the reader a chance to
think about how the soldiers died on the battlefield.
To begin with I am going to talk about rhetorical questions he included, for example,
‘What passing-bell for these who die as cattle,’ is inquiring whether soldiers who died
on the field – or as cattle as he saw it – will get any recognition for what they did or if
they’ll just die silently. The quote, ‘those who die as cattle,’ is a metaphor for the
soldiers and how they are most likely to be stood with a crowd of fellow soldiers not
knowing what to do. Owen wrote it like this to put across the fact that they died as
innocent people who didn’t know how/couldn’t prevent their and their fellow soldiers
deaths.
Explain why you chose to put the essay in this order, saying which clues you used.
1. What structural techniques can you use to make your essay writing clearly
organised for your reader?
2. What problems would there be if the essay was in a different order?
Connectives lesson starter
Students are often asked to use connectives and although they get them in the right place they
often use them incorrectly, implying that they fail to understand their meanings.
1. Ask your class what connectives are and where they would be used.
2. Ask for examples.
3. Hand out connectives cards to pairs of students.
4. Read out the dictionary definitions below to the class. Students must choose the
correct connective to go with its definition and hold it up.
Dictionary definitions
 and – together with
 although – even though
 however – but, even so
 therefore – for that reason
 nonetheless/nevertheless – in spite of that
 but – except that, or unless
 furthermore – in addition, moreover
 on the other hand – looking at it from another point of view
 whereas – on the contrary, in contrast to.
Extension task
You could get your students to write out a sentence or two containing each of the connectives
they have learnt about in the starter.

Connectives lesson starter
nonetheless but however
furthermore therefore nevertheless
although and whereas
on the other hand

Connectives placemat
Use a wider variety of connectives to help
Writer’s
Use a wide variety of connectives to help link your ideas, sentences and paragraphs
link your ideas, sentences and paragraphs. to give extra and different information.
You may already use adding, cause and You will present ideas more clearly if you
effect, temporal, place or sequencing
connectives when you write. word bank can use emphasising, comparing,
illustrating, contrasting and qualifying
connectives.
Temporal Adding Place
earlier since before and as well as on within throughout

too also moreover beyond below
whenever in … hours
to from out of
until now during Cause and effect
inside outside
later meanwhile because so thus near among beneath
at … o’clock already by the time therefore consequently towards into off
Sequencing Emphasising Illustrating
firstly secondly next above all in particular for example such as

then finally especially significantly indeed for instance as revealed by
after before notably clearly moreover in the case of
Comparing Contrasting Qualifying
equally similarly whereas alternatively however although unless

in the same way likewise like instead of otherwise unlike except if yet
as with just as on the other hand as long as apart from despite

Connectives placemat
Use a wider variety of connectives to help link
your ideas, sentences and paragraphs to give
Use a wide variety of connectives to help link
your ideas, sentences and paragraphs. You
may already use sequencing, cause and
Writer’s extra and different information. You will
present ideas more clearly if you can use
word bank
emphasising connectives, or connectives that
effect, comparing and contrasting
express opinions, recognise others’
connectives when you write.
opinions, show interpretations or explore
meanings.
Sequencing Cause and effect
because so as a result Expressing opinions
firstly the most important reason thus therefore consequently apparently certainly evidently
secondly in addition fortunately in my experience
another this is also true of naturally logically luckily
next subsequently then Comparing oddly officially in my view
finally after before possibly rationally superficially
equally similarly in the same way
in conclusion to sum up surprisingly understandably
likewise like as
unfortunately of course incidentally
with just as
Emphasising Recognising others’ opinions Contrasting
emphasising above all in particular some people may think that whereas alternatively
especially significantly indeed it is often said that instead of otherwise
notably clearly moreover unlike on the other hand
people may disagree
Showing interpretations many people seem to think that Exploring meanings
alternatively on the other hand most people would agree this could mean it may be
a different way of looking at it is hard to ignore this suggests perhaps possibly
this is looking at it this way it seems to me that if on the face of it
it could be argued that

When we have a class of thirty keen (or not so keen) students answering the same essay
title on the same text, we start to be blinded by the repetitive, dull introductions: ‘In
this essay I am going to …’ It is only when we get something different that we start to
get excited. Conclusions are no different: if a student ends with a boom and a wham
then we will grade the essay accordingly.
Eye spy introductions
The best introductions require your students to try to stand out from the crowd, use
their own voice but still maintain a formal essay writing tone. Look at the examples of
introductions from a range of student essays with your students in the resource ‘Eye spy
introductions’. Get students to add the appropriate statements to the sample of
introductions included in the resource. It’s up to you how you organise your class to look
at these: you could allocate one introduction per group, circulate the introductions
around small groups, or do this as a paired task looking at a single introduction before
combining pairs as fours. You could also ask students to come up with their own ideas of
what makes a good introduction and as an extension task, you could ask students to
rewrite one of the introductions.
Summarise that!
It is likely that you will want students to include a short summary of the plot from the
text that they are writing about. We’ve all read one of those essays where the whole
thing is one long narrative describing in minute detail how Juliet woke up just as Romeo
took the poison. Practising summarising skills is essential so that students actually have
time to get on to the analysis. Teachit English resource 10525 ‘Summarise that!’
provides students with an extract from the text Out of Africa. Students read the
information, identify the key points and summarise it into just three sentences. You
could repeat this exercise with an extract from your class text and discuss how to apply
these skills to the whole text.

Psst …
Another activity to encourage summarising skills is to take one team member from a
selection of class teams outside the classroom. In this example you would need five
students per team, but this could be flexible. Give the students outside the classroom a
detailed message or read them an extract of an unseen text. This group of students are
allowed to write down as much of the message as they like in order to pass it on to a
teammate. They are not allowed to show their teammate the paper, but should try to
pass on the message.
As the message is passed on, the students are allowed to record less and less
information e.g. the second student can only write five sentences; the next student can
write three sentences; the next student can write ten words and the last member of the
team who will pass on the message to you can use three words and two pictures. The
team that manages to summarise the original message most effectively wins!
Summarising with precise vocabulary
Encourage your students to think about their word choices so that they get their
meaning across in as few carefully chosen words as possible. With the text or extract
you are studying, ask them to complete the activities on the resource ‘Cut it down!’.
Your students will reduce a plot summary in stages and will need thesauruses to help
them annotate their writing with more precise vocabulary.
Good conclusions
Because the conclusion to the essay serves a similar functional role to that of the
introduction, it is aiming to be memorable by summarising and justifying the ideas
discussed. Use the resource ‘Conclusions: true or false?’ to help students decide what
good practice looks like.

How to conclude
Once your students have finished the main body of the essay, encourage them to reread
their whole essay, and highlight the key points made in each paragraph. They should use
this as a guide to ensure they cover all of their key ideas when drawing it all to a close.
Peer assessment
In order to help students ensure that they’ve fully explained their ideas and justified
their views, encourage their partner to return to that annoying stage in toddlerhood
where every single question is the same: WHY? In pairs, get the students to read their
conclusions to each other. At the end of every point that is made, their partner should
question ‘Why?’ (with an optional whiney voice!). If the student reading out their
conclusion hasn’t got an answer for why, they should work on adding explanations to
their next redraft.

Task one
Here are a number of statements relating to writing introductions. Cut these out and add the
statements that apply to the students’ introductions.
Tells the whole story of

Written in first person Written in third person
the text in minute detail
Gives detailed
Summarises what the text Gives their full opinion of
information about all the
or extract is about in just how much they liked or
things they’re going to
a few lines disliked the text
talk about in the essay
Gives just a few details

Uses the key words from Stays focused on the
about the areas the essay
the title essay topic
will be addressing
Has an interesting opening Is brief (one to two

sentence paragraphs)
Task two
Once you have looked at more than one example, consider which is the most successful
introduction and why. Select the statements that you feel offer sensible advice for how to write
a really good introduction. Can you add some of your own ideas too? Either stick or write these
in your book.

Students’ introductions
There are three introductions below for the essay ‘How are the texts ‘In the kitchens’ and ‘Night
Cleaner at the Savoy’ similar and different?’
In ‘Night cleaner’, fran Abrams describes the hotel as unequal. This is shown in the
sentence “The potent mix of light and dark, glamour and filth, opulence and poverty
that is the Savoy”. The writer uses juxtaposition to explain the ‘glamour’ and
‘opulence’ which shows the reader the expensive and luxury side for the guests but
also ‘filth’ and ‘poverty’ for the workers. Similarily, ‘In the kitchen’ by George Orwell
shows the difference between the rich and the poor. For example, “The Hotel X was a
vast, grandiose place with a classical façade and at one side a little, dark door way like
a rat hole, which was the service entrance. This also shows the unequal society within
the hotel. Statements like, ‘like a rat hole’ really emphasise the difference between
rich and poor, like the poorer people are like rats.
Both ‘in the kitchen’ and ‘night cleaner at the savoy’ are similar as they have lots of
inequality. An example of this is a quote from ‘in the kitchens’, “Hotel X was a vast
grandiose place with a classical façade, and at one side a little dark, doorway like a
rat-hole, which as the service entrance.” The quote demonstrates inequality because
the hotel guests were staying in a ‘grandiose’ and ‘classical’ place which is really
luxurious and beautiful. Whereas the workers stay in what is described to be like a
‘rat-hole’. The word ‘rat-hole’ suggests that where the workers stay is really filthy and
horrible. This makes the readers feel guilty as they have probably been guests at the
hotel but not realised what bad things the workers have had to do to make their stay
nice. I think George Orwell described both the nice things and the bad things about the
hotel to show how unequal the place and the world is. An example of inequality from
‘Night cleaner at the savoy’ is “I plunge for the first time into the potent mix of light
and dark, glamour and filth, opulence and poverty that is the savoy.” The quote states
how one one side, presumable where the guests stay is luxurious yet on the other side,
presumably where the workers stay is filthy and horrible.
In ‘Night Cleaners’ Fran Abrams shows that the workers in the hotel are treated
unfairly. This shown by the conversation, “why must I always clean the toilets?”, “why
does Mehmet never finish the American Baron time”, “Why have I not been paid for my
overtime?” The conversation shows that the workers are not happy about the way they
are being treated. The constant repitition of the word “why” suggests that all though
there are lots of complaints, their questions are just being ignored by those in charge.

Summarise that!
Read this extract taken from Out of Africa by Isak Dinesen.
‘In the harbour of Mombasa, lay a rusty German cargo steamer, homeward bound.
Upon the deck there stood a tall wooden case and above the edges of the case rose
the heads of two giraffes. They were going to Hamburg to a travelling menagerie.
The giraffes turned their delicate heads from one side to the other, as if they were
surprised, which they might well be … They only just had room to stand in the narrow
case. Their world had suddenly shrunk, changed and closed in around them. They
could not know or imagine the degradation to which they were sailing. For they were
proud and innocent creatures, gentle amblers of the great plains; they had not the
least knowledge of captivity, cold, stench, smoke and mange, nor of the terrible
boredom in a world in which nothing is ever happening.’
1. Highlight or underline the key facts / vital pieces of information.
2. Summarise the piece above by picking out the facts and putting them in your own words.
(Challenge: try to use just three sentences.)

Cut it down!
These activities encourage you to practise your summarising skills. When you write about a text,
you need to think carefully about the words you use so that your meaning is precise.
Complete the table below for your chosen text.
Write a description of the plot in ten sentences.
Look up your words in a thesaurus!

Which ones could you replace to make your meaning more precise?
Summarise it further to five sentences.
Look up your words in a thesaurus!

Which ones could you replace to make your meaning more precise?
Identify five key words that summarise the whole plot.
Now have a go at writing an introduction to your essay, summarising the plot using some of your
preparation from this exercise. Remember to consider the words you use as you write, and use a
thesaurus to make your meaning precise.
When you are under timed conditions, you would probably not want to redraft an introduction,
but practising the words you would like to use in class will help you write more fluently.

Conclusions: true or false?
The conclusion to an essay serves a similar role to an introduction. It aims to be memorable,

summarising and justifying ideas discussed. Decide which of the following statements are true
and which are false, and tick the appropriate box.
True False
The conclusion should just repeat everything I’ve said in

the essay but in summary.
The conclusion is a good place to add in all the extra ideas

I couldn’t fit in my essay.
The conclusion should bring all of my ideas together to

justify my final view on the topic.
The conclusion is a great place to put in my favourite

quote from the book that I couldn’t fit into my essay.
The conclusion is a good place to give suggestions for how

we can take action or change our ideas based on the issues
discussed in the essay.
I should give my own opinion in the conclusion.
I should explain why I feel this way about the text/topic,

referring to ideas in the essay.
A good conclusion could be just one line.
The conclusion should use the key words from the essay
title.
A good conclusion will refer to ideas mentioned in the

introduction to bring the essay to a clear end.

Using quotations
Using quotations
It is impossible to write a good essay without using quotations. It is also impossible to

use quotations effectively in an essay unless you are taught how to do so.
In Key Stage 3 students often struggle with the concept of what a quotation actually is.
Quite often, because they are told to write the quotation in speech marks or inverted
commas, students think they are looking for speech within a text.
What is a quotation?
Using the resource ‘What is a quotation?’ give students a range of paragraphs to

analyse for their use of quotations (four are included in the resource). They will need
highlighter pens, and will work towards creating a definition of what a quotation is.
Why use a quotation?
Teachit English resource 13698 ‘Why use quotations?’ enables students to consider
different reasons why somebody might include a quotation in their work, sorting these
into ‘important’ or ‘not important’ categories and justifying their chosen order.
Using evidence
Using the resource ‘Using evidence’ students consider why using evidence in justifying
a point of view is important, by enacting a series of short role plays.

Using quotations
Introducing a quotation
Using the resource ‘Introducing a quotation’, show students a wide variety of examples
from essays and encourage them to identify the wording used to introduce quotations,
then to make a list of ways to introduce quotations for their own use.
Where should I put the quotation?
It’s really frustrating when students end a paragraph on an amazing quotation throwing
away any opportunity to comment on it or analyse it. Teachit English worksheet
Quot227 ‘How to use quotations effectively’ offers students a definition of what a
quote is, an explanation of why we should use them and finally an analogy of a sandwich
to explain how we should go about using them.
Paragraph sandwiches
Provide students with the resource ‘Paragraph sandwiches’. The resource features a
paragraph of the essay by Student B, in the wrong order. Explore how effectively this
student uses the PEE structure with your students.
Which quotation?
Identifying the best quotation to use is like putting up the scaffolding when building a
house. It is the structure for a secure and stable essay. At the planning stage of an
essay, students should start to consider which quotations will play an important role in
proving their points in their essay. Ask students to work in pairs to diamond nine the
statements in the resource ‘Which quotation?’

Using quotations
Embedding quotations
Students often find this a difficult skill to master but, if given a set of rules to follow,
could instantly make their writing more sophisticated with just one or two embedded
words. The resource ‘Embedding quotations’ demonstrates how to do so, and gives
students opportunities to practise this skill.

There are a number of paragraphs from students’ essays below. Firstly, use a highlighter pen to
identify where the quotations are in the sample student essays.
Once you have done this, create a definition of what a quotation is. You could use the prompt
questions below:
1. What is special about it?

2. Does it have to be a particular length?
3. Does the quotation have to include speech?
4. Where does it appear in the paragraph?
5. How does a quotation differ from the rest of the essay?
6. How long does a quotation need to be?
Student A
Pronouns such as ‘they’, ‘their’, and ‘them’ are effectively used throughout the poem to show
that so many people were involved and affected by the war. This generalised perspective shows
the realities of war by not specifying an age group, or number of people – to demonstrate
exactly how large the numbers were. Without showing this, the poem may not have been as
reflective of the negativity in the war – because the entire poems aim was to sum up what most
men and boys had to go through almost every single day.
Student B
Another poetic technique Owen uses are similes and metaphors. On the first line Owen says
“what passing bells as those who die as cattle.” The first part I will explain later but it’s the
second part that has the similie. If you are like cattle, there tends to be a lot of you. In a
deathly way, cattle and quite easy to kill and are helpless. When Owen compares soldiers to
cattle in this line – he is saying that they’d all die painful and helpless deaths. This shows the
reality of war as many soldiers are easy to kill and were helpless when going over the top and
basically running into machine gun fire. Metaphors are also used in the poem. An example, of
this is “the shrill, demented choirs of wailing shells”. There is a use of personification. In the
poem, Owen says that the shells are choirs meaning that a lot of them and they make loads of
noise like the choirs we have in our world today. This creates a bad impression of war as it
implies that the constant shell noise is deafening, once again, something that actually would
have happened in the war. Personification is used by the quote “wailing shells” as the shells
can’t actually wail like humans do. This is used (like the metaphor) to give an idea of the
tortures and deafening noise the soldiers would have to face in battle and shows that war was
awful. This line also shows the reality of what the soldiers would have to go through in the
war.

Student M
In the text ‘Night Cleaner’ Fran Abrams describes the hotel as luxurious, but the it suggests
that the hotel goes from luxurious and comfortable to unpleasantly shocking. Fran describes it
as a ‘potent mix of light and dark, glamour and filth opulence and poverty’ The word ‘poverty’
realy stands out because when you think poverty you think horrible lives, not a very nice house
dirty starving people and that is how Fran describes the bowels of the ‘Savoy’ almost saying
that the glamorous people who own the Savoy take advantage of people in poverty, because
people in poverty and desperate for any kind of money. However, in “in the kitchens” is still a
dreadful place. The kitchens are described as a ‘rat-hole’ it makes out that the staff are
vermin but it does not have the word ‘poverty’ in it so maybe the people who run ‘hotel x’ are
a bit more proud of their hotel and who they pick as their staff.
But it does still seem that ‘hotel x’ is still not as nice as it makes out. George Owell describes
that ‘so low in places I have to stoop’ the word ‘low’ could be some type of technique it could
be meaning that it is low in business, hygene and all that as well as being low down.
Student L
Orwell suggests poverty is a shameful existence. For example, “you bolt in panic, it is hours
before you dare venture into a baker’s shop again” in a quote that illustrates this shame. This
is referring to a moment when Orwell enters a bakers, but is worried he hasn’t got enough
money to pay. The word “bolt” suggests he leaves in a desperate, fast manner because he is
frightened as being discovered as poor.
Finally, put the paragraphs in order from the one you feel uses quotations most effectively to
the one you feel uses them least effectively. Use your notes from above to explain your
reasoning.

Why use quotations?
Teacher’s notes:
This is a simple card sort activity that can be used as part of a lesson exploring why we use
quotations in our writing.
Students can sort the reasons into two columns: important or not important and this should
encourage discussion.
Alternatively, the reasons can be printed onto A4 paper and the activity can be done as a whole
class. The heading for the activity could be put on the board with the two columns: important,
not important. This is a more kinaesthetic activity that can involve the whole class and gives a
visual reminder to students in the lesson.

Why use quotations?
Task
Read through the following ideas about using quotations. Sort them into two columns: important
and not important. It may help you to think about how you have seen quotations used and why
you might use them in your writing.
Good writers analyse ideas –

quotations can help a writer to do Because you have to in essays.
this.
To show that you can. To explain your point of view.
To back up or support ideas. If you don’t have your own ideas.
To develop or ‘flesh out’ points

To tell the story.
made.
They make your work better. To explain what happens.

Using evidence
Task
Choose one of the scenarios below. Work in pairs to act out the scenario and act it out twice:
once with the evidence and once without.
Once you have had a go at performing your scenes, analyse how hard or easy you found your job.
Is it easier to make somebody believe you when you have evidence? Why?
Scenario 1
You have been caught by the headteacher supplying other students with sweets and
chocolate bars at break time. The headteacher thinks you have stolen the chocolate from
a local shop and is considering excluding you for several days. You try to convince him
that you bought the chocolate on your way to school with your birthday money.
How can you convince him you are telling the truth? Try to think of five pieces of
evidence that would help you prove your innocence. Try to think how you would prove
your case if you didn’t have any of these pieces of evidence.
Scenario 2
You have witnessed another boy in your year group stealing the answers for the upcoming
exam out of the teacher’s drawer. You’ve also heard that he’s copied other students’
answers in exams and has started hanging out with the teacher’s son out of school. He’s a
boy who is always top of the class and never in trouble. You mention it to your teacher
but she instead tells you to stop being jealous.
Try to think of five pieces of evidence that would help to prove that the boy is cheating.
Try to think how you would prove your case if you didn’t have any of these pieces of
evidence.
Scenario 3
One of your friends has started to say mean things to you in school. They have now
started sending you mean text messages and posting inappropriate things on your social
media account.
Try to think of five pieces of evidence that would help to prove what you’re saying is true
when you go to speak to your form tutor. Try to think how you would prove your case if
you didn’t have any of these pieces of evidence.
Now make a list of reasons to explain why using evidence is so important.

You will find a number of paragraphs from students’ essays below. Highlight words that are used
to introduce quotations e.g. ‘You can see this when … ,’‘An example of this is … ,’ ‘The poet
suggests …’ .
When you have finished, work in pairs to create a list of as many quotation introductions as you
can, using your own ideas as well.
Student A
There is also a frequent use of personification, and personification is where an
inanimate object is shown as having human traits and being capable of human actions. It
is generally used within the poem to show the realities of war by exaggerating the
negativity of all of the horrific events that occurred. An example of this in the poem is:
‘The monstrous anger of the guns.’ This phrase shows that the guns used by the soldiers
are seemingly angry at the opponent. The guns don’t have any way of showing emotion,
therefore the personification shows us how the gun was used against the enemy by
saying that it is angry at them.
Student E
A technique that Wilfred Owen used which shows the reality of war is simili’s. he uses
this technique in line 20 “his hanging face like a devil’s sick of sin” in his poem. the use
of the word devil makes it seem the mans face is a grotesque and horrible to look at.
the writer Owen is suggesting that the man is lying in a painfull and horrible death Just
because he didn’t Put his gas mask on in time.
Student G
The repetition of “Gas” is the sound of someone shoting that there is a Gas attack.

Student H
To continue, the people in ‘The kitchens of hotel X,’ are shown to be hardworking and
tired. This is presented in the sentence, ‘He was an Italien, with a round, pale face,
Haggard from overwork. This could imply the amount of stress applied to the workers.
The phrase, ‘ Pale face,’ is used to show the reader how the cramped conditions
actually make people ill. Orwell uses this to make the readers think about if you are not
working you die. If you work then you are ill and not really living, a life at all. This
point is built upon in ‘The night claner’ in the quote ‘scrapping splatters of dried up
vomit from the tiled floor is bearable’ which could imply that these people will do
anything just to get 4 pound an hour. The word, ‘bearable’ is used to show how almost
anything is doable as long as you are getting pid. Fran Abrams uses this to make the
reader aware of the lives of people on minimum wage in the most expensive city in
Britain.

Using quotations effectively
Quoting simply means repeating what someone else has said or written. When a character says
something in a play or novel s/he is speaking but when you repeat what the character says in
your writing or in oral work you are quoting the character. When you do this you must use
quotation marks (also known as speech marks or inverted commas) to show that it is not your
work.
Why use quotations?
Imagine you are a lawyer and your essay is your way of convincing a jury (your teacher or
examiner) of the validity of your argument. A lawyer might be interesting and persuasive but
without evidence a jury is never going to be sure that what the lawyer is saying is true. Quotes
and examples work like evidence in a court case – they convince your audience that what you’re
saying is true.
Quotations, then, are used to support your own ideas; they should not take the place of your
ideas or be used to tell the story. Quotes are a useful way of exploring how theme, character
and language are used in a play or novel or a particular part of it.
You should usually provide some kind of context for the quote and comment on what is
interesting about it.
How to use quotations
Using a quote is like building a sandwich or burger.

The first bit of bread is like your
introduction for your quote.
After making a point, give some
The quote is the meat
context for the quote and
in the middle of the
explain how it illustrates your
burger. It might be
argument.
yummy but it tastes
better between two
bits of bread!
The second piece of

bread is like your
comment on your quote.
Why is it interesting?
What does it reveal
about
character/language/plot
etc.?
Paragraph sandwiches
The sentences below have all been cut up from one paragraph in a student’s essay. Put the
paragraph back into a sensible order. Does the paragraph make sense if any quotations are left
at the end?
Student B
This is used (like the metaphor) to give an idea of the tortures and deafening noise the
soldiers would have to face in battle and shows that war was awful. This line also shows
the reality of what the soldiers would have to go through in the war.
On the first line Owen says “what passing bells as those who die as cattle.” The first
part I will explain later but it’s the second part that has the similie.
If you are like cattle, there tends to be a lot of you. In a deathly way, cattle and quite
easy to kill and are helpless. When Owen compares soldiers to cattle in this line – he is
saying that they’d all die painful and helpless deaths. This shows the reality of war as
many soldiers are easy to kill and were helpless when going over the top and basically
running into machine gun fire.
An example, of this is “the shrill, demented choirs of wailing shells”.
Personification is used by the quote “wailing shells” as the shells can’t actually wail like
humans do.
Another poetic technique Owen uses are similes and metaphors.
Metaphors are also used in the poem.
There is a use of personification. In the poem, Owen says that the shells are choirs
meaning that a lot of them and they make loads of noise like the choirs we have in our
world today. This creates a bad impression of war as it implies that the constant shell
noise is deafening, once again, something that actually would have happened in the war.

Cut these statements up and then put them into a diamond nine shape (see diagram
below). The statements you agree with go further towards the top.
The quote should contain A quote doesn’t have to be a Once I have chosen my quotes
ideas or information I want to set length. in the planning stage, I should
comment on. make sure I stick with them
and not change them later.
You must use a quote for A quote is best if it is two It’s ok to get rid of some of
every chapter of the text. lines long. the punctuation or words at
the beginning and end of the
quote and insert it into the
middle of my sentence
instead.
You must always put a I should use the same quotes It’s a good idea to use a really
quotation into speech marks as the person I sit next to. long quotation in an essay.
to show to show it’s someone
else’s words.

There are quotations from various texts printed below. Your task is to embed the quotation into
a sentence, but you should follow these rules:
 You can omit words from the beginning or the end of the quotation.
 If you remove any words from within the quote you should use an ellipsis to show where
the missing words should go.
 You should always use speech marks to show which bits are the quote and which bits are
your own writing.
Example:
Miss Maudie was a perfectionist who was once horrified when she ‘found a blade of nut grass’
within her perfectly tended lawn.
Task
Try to embed the following quotations (or part of these quotations) within your own sentences,
in response to the questions.
1. Explain Katniss’s feelings at this point in the novel.
‘Peeta Mellark and I stand in silence as the train speeds along. The tunnel goes on and on
and I think of the tonnes of rock separating me from the sky, and my chest tightens. I
hate being encased in stone this way.’ (The Hunger Games, Suzanne Collins)
2. How is this character presented here?
‘I slept like that for a couple of nights, but I didn’t like it on the street. The thing is,
you’re in public. People can see you all the time, even when you’re asleep. Sometimes
you wake up and the police are shining a torch into your face.’ (Junk, Melvyn Burgess)
3. How is Friedrich presented here?
‘Everyone called him mad old Friedrich. He was thought to be mad because he talked
continuously to himself and even when he was not talking he was laughing and chortling
at some private joke that he never shared with anyone.’ (War Horse, Michael Morpurgo)

The main body of the essay is taken up by the analysis of the text being studied. It is
essential students can differentiate between a basic essay that simply summarises the
text and gives example quotations, and an essay where the words, the structure and the
format of a text are analysed, explaining what impact this has on the reader.
Reading between the lines
Being able to read between the lines is something that some students take a little while
to understand. It’s not just when studying a text in English lessons that reading between
the lines is a crucial skill. Display or give students the following list of sentences, and
ask them to identify the implied meanings.
 ‘Didn’t I give you a £10 note to buy this pint of milk?’
 In response to, ‘Can I eat some chocolate?’ your parent replies, ‘Dinner is ready in five
minutes.’
 ‘Sam, were you here when I set the homework?’
 ‘Ask your Dad.’
 When your younger sibling presents you with a cake made at preschool by a number of
toddlers and your response is, ‘Oh, it’s delicious.’
 The teacher tells your mum that you’re very enthusiastic in sharing your ideas with the
class.
 ‘Oh, you already ate pizza for dinner at Harry’s house. I guess you could warm up this
roast chicken dinner for dinner tomorrow then?’

Practising inference
Teachit English resource 18348 ‘Inference rectangle’ is an excellent task for students in
the early stages of the inference and deduction process. Students start in the centre of
the rectangle and gradually work outwards, filling in more and more detailed
information such as significant words and key themes.
Fully understanding the text
Some students find it really daunting to analyse a text on their own, because it requires
them to have a full understanding of the text in the first place, as well as articulating
their ideas about the effects created and their opinions. This is especially the case
when they are faced with unseen texts in exam conditions. The resource ‘Implied
feelings’ helps students to practise their inference of a character’s point of view, using
Siegfried Sassoon’s ‘The Hero’ (freely available on the Internet).
Finding the evidence
For the text that you are teaching your students, provide them with a list of key
characteristics of a character’s personality or get students to work in pairs to create a
list of key characteristics. For example (Lord Capulet in Romeo and Juliet):
1. He is short tempered.
2. He wants to impress others.
3. He has the power in the household.
4. He is rude.
5. He loves his daughter.

Once students have their list, they should identify key quotations or scenes where we
can see evidence of this. Ask more able students to look closely into finding evidence
from one defining word. In pairs, they should then verbally explain how each quotation
shows a specific characteristic. Students should work down the list taking it in turns to
be the explainer or the listener. The listener could then rate the explainer each time in
terms of how convincing they are in justifying that particular personality trait, using
mini whiteboards.
Identifying the best words to comment on
Give students a copy of Edgar Allan Poe’s ‘The Tell-Tale Heart’. This short story builds
tension throughout. Read the text aloud with your class or watch one of the many
examples on YouTube. Ask students to look at the mental state of the narrator at
different points in the text, and to plot these.
Part of text: narrator’s emotion Single words that show this
Beginning: controlled, calculating wisely, caution …
When the officers arrive: confident,

enthusiasm …
arrogant
At the end: anxious, panicked, guilty gasped …
When students have made a list of all of the possible key words that they could use to
show these different emotions, ask them to narrow their list down to the two best
words for each.
Give students the following list of questions to answer about their chosen words:
1. Why does this word show this particular emotion?
6. How do you feel about the narrator feeling this way at this point in the crime?
7. Why do you think the writer chose this particular word rather than one with a
similar meaning?

Considering opinions about a text
Teaching students to be confident enough to explore their own opinions of a text and
responding critically to others can be a challenge at Key Stage 3; it’s a rare but special
moment when they do. A good way of introducing students to opinions of a text is by
identifying a list of opinions that are made up or made by critics (for more able students
you could provide them with critical viewpoints). Give each student a copy of critics’
opinions of your text, encourage them to consider the viewpoint and then agree or
disagree with it. You could get students to then pair up to discuss their answers or do a
whole class continuum across the classroom to show their level of agreement. Make sure
each student justifies their reasons for agreeing or disagreeing with the opinion.
Forming independent opinions about a text
You could use the resource ‘Opinion statements’ to help students articulate their own
opinions about your class text. You could start by asking students to complete this task
on paper, and follow it up as a class discussion.
How would this make the reader/audience feel?
We’ve looked at ways to consider an audience reaction but what we didn’t consider was
what happens if the original audience didn’t live today. How would a Shakespearean
audience have reacted to Romeo and Juliet compared to a modern day audience?
Once you have researched the historical and social context of your text, give students
five key quotes from their text that might provoke a different reaction from an
audience of today. So, for instance:
‘Out, you green-sickness carrion! Out, you baggage! You tallow-face!’ (Capulet to
Juliet, Act 3 Scene 5, Romeo and Juliet):

An early seventeenth-century audience would have more sympathy for Capulet because
Juliet’s disobedience was so unusual in a patriarchal society. An audience of today
might find Capulet’s reaction impulsive and harsh, with more sympathy for Juliet.
PEE mobiles
Teachit English activity 3662 ‘PEE Mobile’ enables students to decorate your classroom
ceiling! Students are given three cards (for each of the different parts of the paragraph)
to fill in. You could differentiate by providing some students with some cards already
filled in; you could challenge a more able learner to craft more than one PEE chain
paragraph, say they can only use one word quotes or to come up with at least two
alternative interpretations to develop beyond just ‘PEE’.
Peer assessing
You could also give your students Teachit English resource 21741 ‘Evaluating a PEE
paragraph’ to assist them in peer assessing each other’s paragraphs before attaching
them to their mobile. This resource is a tick sheet that enables the peer assessor to
work strategically through the list identifying strong and weak points in the paragraph.

Inference rectangle: impressions of a text
Look at the rectangles below and try to complete each one in turn.
Discuss aspects of the grid with a partner if you need to.
What other aspects of the text would I like/do I need to find out more about?
What phrases/words/quotes do I think are significant and why?
What are the main themes/ideas in this text?
What is this text about?

Implied feelings
Read Siegfried Sassoon’s poem, ‘The Hero’. This poem has two different characters’ thoughts
juxtaposed against each other. This affects our understanding of the meanings behind this text.
Read through the poem once. What is it about? Who are the characters featured?
True False
The Brother Officer is really sad about his friend’s death.
The mother says she’s proud of her son’s heroic death.
The mother is devastated by the death of her son.
The Brother Officer is relieved Jack died.
Jack was scared and didn’t want to be at war.
Jack did not die as he’d have wished.
Looking at the poem in more detail, answer the following questions.
1. Identify the mother’s feelings about her son. Which words show this?
2. Identify the Brother Officer’s feelings about Jack. Which words show this?
3. Why has the writer chosen to put the mother’s words in speech marks but not the Brother
Officer’s?
4. Which words show how shameful rather than heroic the boy’s death was?
5. Look at the final line. Why has the poet chosen to finish the poem with a sad description
of the mother?
6. Select three of the words you think are most effective in the poem. Write an explanation
of how that particular word added to your understanding.
7. Write a summary of what the poem is about. How has looking at the evidence helped you
to gain a better understanding of the poem?

Opinion statements
Opinion statements
Make up your own opinions about the text you are studying, using the sentence starts below.
Once you have done this, organise them from the one you agree with most to the one you agree
with least.
..................................................... The text is biased towards

is the strongest character .....................................................
..................................................... The key message of the text is

is the ruin of the main character. .....................................................
If the character, ...............................

.....................................................
is the hero of the text. was not in the text, he/she would not be
missed.
The relationship of ............................

The most important theme in the text is
..................................................... and ...............................................
is the most interesting.
The writer’s use of If this text were a novel/short

..................................................... story/play/film it would be more
is the most effective narrative technique. interesting.
Now choose one of the statements above, and consider the reasons for your opinion. Using the
following sentence starts, write a paragraph explaining your point of view.
1. Some people think this might show …

2. Although some critics suggest … I think …
3. When I first read this section I thought … I later decided …
4. The best thing about …
5. In my opinion …
6. I think …
7. I prefer …

PEE mobile
PEE mobile activity
How it works A single sheet of A4 offers three different shapes, each marked with one of
three letters: P, E, E. Students fill each shape with the relevant part of a
PEE chain (point – evidence – explanation), cut them out, connect them up
and dangle them. A filled-in example (from Frankenstein) is included.
Try this! This is a very simple, time-saving resource, but you can usefully extend it.
Provide more able students with an extra shape with which they can extend
the PEE chain: many teachers now feel that the PEE chain should stretch to
an A on the end for ‘analysis’, or an extra E for ‘exploration’. It is important
to get students to extend the PEE chain occasionally or they can get trapped
in formulaic responses that are limiting.
One reason that the PEE chain is limiting is that too many students master it
in an assertive, rather than an exploratory way: for example they say that
‘Prospero is a bully’ rather than ‘he could be seen as a bully, although at
times he shows a much softer side’. (The example provided in the resource
is very good at illustrating the use of modals in the ‘second E’: ‘This
suggests that…’; ‘he could perhaps be called…’)
A practical It is easy to create additional shapes for the mobile. In Word, simply click on
point … the AutoShapes menu at the bottom left of the screen and then select Basic
Shapes. (In Open Office Writer click on the pentagon on the bottom tool
bar.) In fact, why not get students to do the whole thing on-screen, choosing
and creating shapes that are relevant to the content they are going to put
into them?
What about If you are going to dangle PEE mobiles, it would be a good idea to dangle
this? ‘modal mobiles’ too: ‘could’, ‘might’, ‘perhaps’, ‘on the other hand’, ‘this
suggests that’ etc. These tentative words and phrases will prompt students
to achieve a longer and more satisfying PEEEEEE!

PEE mobile
PEE mobile
P:
E:
E:

PEE mobile
PEE mobile
P: Earlier in Chapter 4, Victor revealed

his motives for making his creature.
He states:
‘A new species would bless me as its
E: creator and source; many happy and

excellent natures would owe their
belonging to me.’
This suggests that Victor has selfish

motives for creating his creature; he
E:
could perhaps be called egotistical as
he thinks little of the consequences,
only the benefits and glory that it
would bring him.

Evaluating a PEE paragraph
Use the table to help evaluate a classmate’s use of PEE paragraphs. When you get your own
evaluation back, re-write your essay according to the advice you’ve been given.
Yes? No?
Consider: Constructive advice on how to improve
Partly?
Have they given all
references to the title of
the text capital letters and
inverted commas?
Have they given all names

capital letters?
Have they written in

sentences using capital
letters and full stops?
Have they made a clear

point?
Have they provided

evidence to back up the
point?
Is the evidence relevant?
Are any quotations

embedded inside a
sentence?
Does the quotation make

sense? Is it complete?
Has the student thoroughly

explained the point?
Are the point, example and

explanation all linked?
Has the student used

literary and/or linguistic
terminology?

Getting the tone right in a discursive essay is vital. The formal essay demands a style of
language and assumes thorough subject knowledge, both of which may present barriers
for your students.
Ask students to use the task ‘Formal or informal?’ to sort out what to expect from a
formal essay style. You could then get your students to work in pairs to look at a range
of text types and identify the features to investigate the level of formality.
Alternatively, you could ask them to rewrite an informal text as a formal text using the
key features as a guide, being mindful that the audience and purpose usually
determines the appropriate style (and therefore might give you some strange results!).
Words for analysis SNAP!
Use the resource ‘Words for analysis SNAP!’ to develop your students’ range of
analytical vocabulary. This would work best printed onto card.
Linking your ideas together
Students should practise giving arguments and counter arguments about the topic being
studied. Using appropriate connectives will help students strengthen the structure of
the arguments and therefore make them more convincing. The resource ‘Linking your
ideas together’ features a number of extracts from students’ essays, and will help your
students see how these work in practice. You could use the Teachit English resource
‘Connectives writing placemat’ (20352) again, for reference.

Linking words and phrases
Using the resource ‘Linking words and phrases’ students work in groups to write a
sentence on a given topic or your essay title, then pass on their sentence to another
writer to include a connecting word or phrase before the next sentence. You might like
to organise the time-keeping for this, for which the Teachit Timer might be useful. If
you’d like to do this exercise as a starter activity with a given topic, some of the
following topic ideas might help as a starting point:
 Phones should be banned in schools.
 Reality TV shows should be replaced with better TV.
 The best film of last year was …
 Who is responsible for the obesity crisis?
 Star Wars is overrated.
As an alternative to this task, you could use the cards to prompt a spoken version of the
activity, where your teams could take turns to add a sentence to the paragraph orally.

Formal or informal?
Add the following features to the continumn. You can add them below and above the line.
Full form of words e.g cannot, will not Colloquial sentences
correct punctuation no or incorrect punctuation
shortened words e,g can’t, won’t abbreviations
slang words full sentences non-standard spelling
standard spelling formal words
Very formal ________________________________________________________________________________________________________Very informal

Words for analysis SNAP!
There are a number of key words for analysis on the cards below. Cut these out, shuffle them,
then lay them all face down on the table. Working with a partner, take turns to turn over two
cards at a time to try to find a matching pair.
When you have played the game, put the cards to one side and see how many of the
words you can remember. Who can remember the most?
shows shows indicates indicates
implies implies connotes connotes
conveys conveys signifies signifies
denotes denotes reveals reveals
depicts depicts represents represents
portrays portrays emphasises emphasises
demonstrates demonstrates exhibits exhibits

There are several extracts from students’ essays below. These are often called ‘connectives’,
and in an essay they should: add new information, develop a point further, argue against a
previous point or conclude an essay. Highlight the words and phrases in the extracts that link
ideas together, and label each of these with an explanation of what each of these do.
Student J
The similie “like a rat-hole” is effective at showing that the workers entrance is filthy and
disgusting. Furthermore, the comparison to a rat hole suggests that the workers are treated
like, and viewed as vermin.
Student K
… Similarily, ‘In the kitchen’ by George Orwell shows the difference between the rich and the
poor. For example, “The Hotel X was a vast, grandiose place with a classical façade and at one
side a little, dark door way like a rat hole, which was the service entrance. This also shows the
unequal society within the hotel. Statements like, ‘like a rat hole’ really emphasise the
difference between rich and poor, like the poorer people are like rats.
Student L
Linking to the other article, this technique is also used in the quote “you bolt in panic” which,
similarly, uses the “b” and “p” sound to create a punchy impart in the readers mind; this
technique exaggerates the powerful aura about both articles. The power and thought –
provoking element that these articles both carry is another similarity between the two …
Thus, I believe both writers succeeded at dealing with the theme of inequality used a range of
techniques such as juxtaposition, exaggeration and alliteration. I believe that the writers
attempted to project the message of how someone of a higher status can entirely downgrade
someone who is poorer or to a status where they are treated differently and most completely
removed their life. I think the writers also made an extreme to involve the reader so they are
able to empathise with the characters. However, I believe that “Night Cleaner at Savoy” was
able to cover this better due to the constant exaggeration, comparison and powerful
vocabulary.

Can you think of other words that would help you link ideas together in your essay? Add your
ideas to the table below:
Why you would use connectives Words or phrases

in your essay: to …
add new information
develop a point further
argue against a previous point
conclude an essay

Below is a set of cards with conjunctions, adverbs and prepositions which might be useful for
your essay. Cut these up, shuffle them and turn them face down on the table in front of you.
Working in a group of four, you should write one sentence of a paragraph on your topic or text.
When your teacher tells you that it is time to pass it on, pass it to your teammate, who will
choose a card at random and use it to begin the next sentence to add to yours. Repeat this
activity until your teacher tells you that time is up!
When you have some completed paragraphs, discuss in your team how well the sentences work
together, and see if you can work together to write a good essay paragraph.

despite the
similarly likewise moreover
fact that
on the other
alternatively in contrast however
hand
a further
furthermore in addition furthermore
example
firstly next accordingly conversely
in conclusion in a similar way what is more hence
consequentially nevertheless to begin with initially

Writing a conclusion
At this final stage in the process students should look over their essay and check the
arguments that they have made are coherent. It would be helpful to look at the
strengths and weaknesses of conclusions to identify how to polish their own essay. Ask
students to read the conclusions of the student essays in the resource ‘Writing a
conclusion’, where they will identify the strengths that they could ‘borrow’ in their
own writing. They could then apply this checklist to their own conclusion.
Improving vocabulary and structure
The Teachit English resource ‘How to improve your first draft’ is a helpful pdf guide
sheet of things students can do to develop their first draft of a piece of work. Although
aimed at writing in general rather than focused on essay writing, the sheet guides
students through the key areas that they should consider developing before handing in
their final draft essay. For essay writing specifically, you might like to add:
 Look at each analytical paragraph. Does it include evidence? Has the evidence been
introduced effectively?
 Is there any part of your essay missing?

Self-assessing
Teachit English resource 20772 ‘Literacy placemat’ provides a number of questions

focusing on spelling, punctuation, grammatical errors and content features. Give each
student a mat so that they can read through their essay, mark it with a coloured pen
and then make final changes to it before handing in their final draft. Give students the
essay by Student E. Students should work in pairs to make the corrections suggested by
the literacy mat as practice before focusing on their own essays.
Peer-assessing
Once your students have finished proofreading their own work, it is time for them to
swap it with a peer. Teachit English resource 21523 ‘Peer marking’ is a useful check-
sheet for students to use at a number of points throughout the essay writing process.
Peer-markers should use a different colour pen to the one students use for their own
self-assessment.
Developing vocabulary and choices of sentence structure
Using the checklist below, or ideally their own personalised set of writing targets,
students should read a paragraph of the essay by Student G, and then redraft it to
improve the formality of the words and sentences. Students should then repeat the
process with part of their own essay. Here are some suggestions of formal writing
targets:
 Vary the conjunctions, adverbs or prepositions.
 Replace five words to make them more formal.
 Insert technical vocabulary.
 Change two sentences to become complex sentences.
 Include a semi-colon or colon.
 Include a subjunctive sentence.


There are three conclusions below, all written for the essay ‘How does Owen
present the realities of war in his poem, ‘Anthem for Doomed Youth’. Read
the conclusions, and complete the checklist below with the ideas you would
like to borrow in your own writing.
Student A
Finally, there is a general use of well thought out vocabulary and representations / ideas which
help you recognise how bad the war was. The phrase: ‘no mockeries now for them; no prayers
nor bells,’ implies that soldiers pray, their belief in God shows no effect – and the mockeries
seem to portray the idea that the Christian religion can have nothing to do with the deaths of
so many soldiers who were involved in the war. The title of the poem: ‘Anthem for doomed
youth’ suggests that, because the word anthem is used, it is very important and very relevant
to the people it was written for. Therefore I think that the general perspective of war which is
shown within the entire poem is very truthful to what soldiers were actually forced to go
through. A variation of poetic techniques were used effectively throughout the poem which
helped portray the negative side of the war. The poem proves that so many people were
involved, and that no men particularly enjoyed enduring the pain and suffering of the war.
Although it isn’t necessary overflowing with information, it portrays a lot of information
interestingly, and effectively – therefore I think that the poem ‘Anthem for doomed youth’
presents the realities of war dramatically, and effectively.
Student B
Overall, Owen presents the war in this poem very negatively and does this by his choicing of
title; similies, metaphors and personification; his uses of implying death and how religion
changes. But what makes the poem show the realities of war is the fact that Owen probably
wrote from his own personal experiences and tried to include them in the poem to give a
detailed and described account of the feelings and sights of World War One.

Student C
In conclusion, I think Owen used different techniques to give across different points on the war,
however I think the main point he was trying to get across was that the soldiers who died
probably won’t be noticed and they probably won’t get a funeral. I think Owen successfully got
his point across and presented the realities of war by using different techniques his own
thoughts on war, which also gave the reader a chance to think about how the soldiers died on
the battlefield.
Checklist
Which conclusion do you

prefer and why?
What does your favourite

conclusion include?
What does your favourite

conclusion not include?
Which word(s) would you

like to borrow?
Which phrase(s) would you

like to borrow?

How to improve your first draft
Ask yourself these questions when proofreading and redrafting a piece of work:
1. Who is my audience (my intended reader)? Is my language appropriate for

the reader?
2. What is the purpose (reason for writing) and have I made my purpose clear?
3. What form (layout e.g. newspaper report) should I use?
4. Do all the sentences start with a capital letter and end with a full stop,
question mark, or exclamation mark?
5. Do all names of people, places and titles have capital letters?
6. Have I read my work out loud to check that I have put in full stops (not
commas) where needed?
7. Have I organised my writing into paragraphs?
8. Do the paragraphs flow from one to the next?
9. Are there some unnecessary parts, which I could cut?
10. Do I need to add more details so that my readers can see and believe what I
am writing about?
11. Have I underlined and checked spelling that I am not sure about?
12. Can I change some boring words for more accurate and adventurous ones?
13. Have I quietly read my writing out loud to make sure that my readers will
understand my ideas?
14. Have I got my work partner to read my work and make suggestions for
improvements?

Literacy placemat
Handwriting Is this outstanding writing? Content

Is there clear, consistent and legible word Is the writing …
formation? Clear, legible handwriting
organised in appropriate paragraphs?
interesting?
Are there clear ascenders and descenders? Sentences make sense
entertaining?
accurate?
Accurate spelling
Is there a difference between the look of the developed?
upper and lower case versions of a letter?
Paragraphs are used for effect clear?
consistent in its style?
Style is consistent, imaginative and imaginative?
appropriate writing suits audience/purpose varied with different sentence starts?
Grammar Formality is appropriate Punctuation

Has the correct tense been used throughout the A range of punctuation has been used Does each sentence finish with an appropriate
whole text? punctuation mark?
accurately
Have commas been used in a list?
Are there any incorrect run-on sentences? Internal punctuation has been used Have apostrophes been used to show possession or
and is accurate missing letters?
Are there any incorrect comma splices? Have any apostrophes been used incorrectly?
Correct capitalisation Has direct speech been punctuated?
Could the part of the sentence each side of a semi-
colon make sense on its own?
Do colons introduce a list or quotation?
Is there a range of punctuation?
Spelling Capitalisation
Have correct homophones been used? Are capital letters used at the start of sentences?
Have correct prefixes/suffixes been used? Do proper nouns start with a capital letter?
Are simple/complex words spelt correctly? Are there any incorrect uses of capital letters?

Literacy placemat
Handwriting Is this outstanding writing? Content

Is there clear word formation? Is the writing …
Clear handwriting
organised in paragraphs?
Have all the letters with ‘tops’ and ‘tails’ got interesting?
these clearly shaped above and below? Sentences make sense
entertaining?
developed enough?
Accurate spelling
Is there a difference between the look of the clear and makes sense?
upper and lower case versions of a letter?
Paragraphs structure the writing varied with different sentence starts?
Grammar Accurate apostrophes Punctuation

Are there any sentences that seem much too long? Does each sentence finish with an appropriate
Writing suits audience/purpose punctuation mark?
Is the word order and choice effective? Have commas been used in a list?
Punctuation is accurate and varied Are there any commas used unnecessarily to
separate parts of a sentence?
Does the writing all make sense?
Capital letters are used correctly Have apostrophes been used?
Have any apostrophes been used incorrectly?
Are speech marks used for direct speech?
Do colons introduce a list or quotation?
Is there a range of punctuation?
Spelling Capitalisation
Have correct homophones been used (e.g. Are capital letters used at the start of sentences?
there/their/they’re, your/you’re)? Do proper nouns (names of people, places, titles,
Are simple/complex words spelt correctly? organisations and festivals) start with a capital
letter?
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

Appendix 1 – Student A
After reading your partner’s work, complete the following activities to provide them
with some valuable feedback!
Q1. What is the strongest sentence or image in the piece?
Q2. What makes it so effective?
Q3. What is the least effective moment? Why is it not effective?
Q4. List the top five most effective words in the piece and identify what each word gives to
the writing.
1. .........................................................................................................
2. .........................................................................................................
3. .........................................................................................................
4. .........................................................................................................
5. .........................................................................................................
Q5. How many different approaches were used to start sentences?
Q6. Which was the most effective sentence starter?
Q7. Did you spot one pattern frequently? What was it?
Q8. Find three sentences that you would write differently and rewrite them. Be prepared to
explain your suggestions.
1. .........................................................................................................
2. .........................................................................................................
3. .........................................................................................................
www.teachit.co.uk 25528 Page 77 of

101
Appendix 1 – Student essays
Student A
Student B
Student C
Student D
Student E
Student F
Student G
Student H
Student I
Student J
Student K
Student L
Student M
Student N

101
Student A
How does Owen present the realities of war in his poem, ‘Anthem for Doomed
Youth’?
The first sentence in the first stanza of the poem uses interesting vocabulary / phrases
to describe in detail, the true realities of WW1. For example: ‘What passing bells for
those who die as cattle?’ – The whole phrase implies that not all of the men (who died
in larger groups) deaths were accounted for and recognised, as they weren’t announced
as being dead by the bell which was supposedly rung out after any soldiers death.
Other adjectives are used throughout the poem to generally show how bad the soldiers
situation was. The words ‘shrill’ and ‘demented’ are used in one line; they are used to
show how wrong the concept of bombs going off was, as they made a horrible sound.
The word ‘demented’ tends to be used to perhaps suggest some sort of deformity, in
the context; however it refers more to the sound rather than appearance, which is
what ‘demented’ can tend to mean.
There is also a frequent use of personification, and personification is where an

inanimate object is shown as having human traits and being capable of human actions.
It is generally used within the poem to show the realities of war by exaggerating the
negativity of all of the horrific events that occurred. An example of this in the poem
is: ‘The monstrous anger of the guns.’ This phrase shows that the guns used by the
soldiers are seemingly angry at the opponent. The guns don’t have any way of showing
emotion, therefore the personification shows us how the gun was used against the
enemy by saying that it is angry at them.
Pronouns such as ‘they’, ‘their’, and ‘them’ are effectively used throughout the poem
to show that so many people were involved and affected by the war. This generalised
perspective shows the realities of war by not specifying an age group, or number of
people – to demonstrate exactly how large the numbers were. Without showing this,
the poem may not have been as reflective of the negativity in the war – because the
entire poems aim was to sum up what most men and boys had to go through almost
every single day.

101
Metaphors are used in most poems/pieces of writing to describe one thing as if it were
something else, I couldn’t find any obvious metaphors in the poem, however I
recognised a phrase which I thought could be interpreted as one: ‘And each slow dusk a
drawing-down of blinds’. I think that this could possibly be a metaphor which perhaps
shows that when every day ends, the soldiers prefer to shut everything away from that
day to get on with whatever else they had to get on with. It isn’t necessarily an easily
recognisable metaphor because there isn’t a clear comparison; however with how I’ve
tried to interpret it I think it reflects the realities of war well, because it shows how
unhappy or fed up they might get after each day fighting, and they know that they
can’t return home.
Finally, there is a general use of well thought out vocabulary and representations /
ideas which help you recognise how bad the war was. The phrase: ‘no mockeries now
for them; no prayers nor bells,’ implies that soldiers pray, their belief in God shows no
effect – and the mockeries seem to portray the idea that the Christian religion can
have nothing to do with the deaths of so many soldiers who were involved in the war.
The title of the poem: ‘Anthem for doomed youth’ suggests that, because the word
anthem is used, it is very important and very relevant to the people it was written for.
Therefore I think that the general perspective of war which is shown within the entire
poem is very truthful to what soldiers were actually forced to go through. A variation
of poetic techniques were used effectively throughout the poem which helped portray
the negative side of the war. The poem proves that so many people were involved, and
that no men particularly enjoyed enduring the pain and suffering of the war. Although
it isn’t necessary overflowing with information, it portrays a lot of information
interestingly, and effectively – therefore I think that the poem ‘Anthem for doomed
youth’ presents the realities of war dramatically, and effectively.

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Appendix 1 – Student B
Student B
Youth’?
There are many ways in which Owen presents and describes war in the poem. One of
these ways is the title, ‘Anthem for Doomed Youth’. ‘Anthem’ usually means an
important religious song but in this instance, Owen implies it’s a solemn, sombre song
for the dead. The lost Post is on anthem of remembrance of the dead so maybe this
was something Owen was hinting at. The next part – ‘doomed youth’ shows that the
young soldiers were almost certainly going to die. The ‘youth’ also given the reality
that many of the soldiers fighting were very young (around 16-20). If we look at the
title of the poem in whole, we get a short but clear sentence that describes the harsh
reality of the war: the soldiers were very young, were doomed to die and a solemn
anthem would be used to remember them.
Another poetic technique Owen uses are similes and metaphors. On the first line Owen
says “what passing bells as those who die as cattle.” The first part I will explain later
but it’s the second part that has the similie. If you are like cattle, there tends to be a
lot of you. In a deathly way, cattle and quite easy to kill and are helpless. When Owen
compares soldiers to cattle in this line – he is saying that they’d all die painful and
helpless deaths. This shows the reality of war as many soldiers are easy to kill and
were helpless when going over the top and basically running into machine gun fire.
Metaphors are also used in the poem. An example, of this is “the shrill, demented
choirs of wailing shells”. There is a use of personification. In the poem, Owen says that
the shells are choirs meaning that a lot of them and they make loads of noise like the
choirs we have in our world today. This creates a bad impression of war as it implies
that the constant shell noise is deafening, once again, something that actually would
have happened in the war. Personification is used by the quote “wailing shells” as the
shells can’t actually wail like humans do. This is used (like the metaphor) to give an
idea of the tortures and deafening noise the soldiers would have to face in battle and
shows that war was awful. This line also shows the reality of what the soldiers would
have to go through in the war.

101
One of my main points is the way Owen writes about remembering death or implies its
inevibility. He uses many ways of symbolising death, and one of these is “what passing
bells” at the start of the poem. The passing bell is a bell which is tolled after
someones death to announce it to the world. At the end of the line, there is a question
mark implying that Owen was asking a question. ‘what bell is tolled for the people who
die helplessly’ The answer is most probably none. This shows the harsh reality of the
war as it says that they couldn’t have been bothered to ring a bell for the countless
men who died. The next quote is “and bugles calling for them” which is a reference to
the instrument played at a military funeral. This line shows their inevitable death as it
basically says that the bugles at their funeral are calling for them, to come and die.
This is effective as it shows that the soldiers were basically leaving their “sad shrines”
to go and die. The last symbolism of death used is on the last line and is “a drawing-
down of blinds”. This is a tradition in which the blinds in a room would be closed
where a dead person lies. The bit before says “and each slow dusk” which is basically
saying the sunset is the drawing of the blinds to show where a dead person lies – in this
case everywhere. Again, Owen portrays the horrible reality of the war saying that with
each day gone another lot of soldiers have died. Owen uses these quotes well to imply
and symbolize the inevability of death. This makes the poem seem extremely negative
as it basically suggest that every day you could die. I think that this is something Owen
speaks from experience as he must have seen all the bodies on the battlefield and
thought that when he joined the army, he was walking to his funeral.
My next point is on religion in the poem. On line 5, there is the quote “no mockeries
now for them; no prayers nor bells”. Mockiers means ceremonies that are insults. We
know that Owen was very religious but in this line he is almost saying that the
Christian religion, with its loving God, can have nothing to do with the deaths of
thousands of men. This line is effective as brings the harsh reality that the soldiers
would force about their religions e.g. thinking about whether their prayers would work
or how could a God have let all this suffering happen. This line could also have
explained what Owen was going through during the war and doubt on whether there
was a God.
Overall, Owen presents the war in this poem very negatively and does this by his
choicing of title; similies, metaphors and personification; his uses of implying death
and how religion changes. But what makes the poem show the realities of war is the
fact that Owen probably wrote from his own personal experiences and tried to include

101
them in the poem to give a detailed and described account of the feelings and sights of
World War One.

101
Appendix 1 – Student C
Student C
Youth’?
For this assessment, I am going to write about how Owen presents the realities of war
in his poem, Anthem for Doomed Youth. To do this I will make several different points
about his techniques and how they help to portray the reality of war.
To begin with I am going to talk about rhetorical questions he included, for example,
‘What passing-bell for these who die as cattle,’ is inquiring whether soldiers who died
on the field – or as cattle as he saw it – will get any recognition for what they did or if
they’ll just die silently. The quote, ‘those who die as cattle,’ is a metaphor for the
soldiers and how they are most likely to be stood with a crowd of fellow soldiers not
knowing what to do. Owen wrote it like this to put across the fact that they died as
innocent people who didn’t know how/couldn’t prevent their and their fellow soldiers
deaths.
Secondly, on the second and third line Owen used repetition of the phrase, ‘only the,’
he uses this as he talks about how the soldiers dying will only be able to hear the
sound of gunfire etc as they are dying. By writing like this he is suggesting that they
won’t even be able to hear what every-person would get to hear at their funeral, the
sound of bells. All they get is the sound of what killed them and what will kill their
comrades.
Owen also used personification in his poem, ‘monstrous anger of the guns,’ and,
‘stuttering rifles' rapid rattle,’ are both expressing the sounds the guns made.
‘Monstrous’ could be talking about how shocking the sound of the gun is and how it is
also incredibly frightening for the soldiers to listen to. ‘Stuttering’ is suggesting how
the noises can be very repetitive. Owen could have just written this to show the reader
how even just the noise of these weapons could terrify the soldiers.
Finally Owen used rhyme in his poem, he rhymed on nearly every other line which
really made the poem flow. Because of how the poem flows, it links every line
together creating a story, this makes it feel as though what happens on that line will
have a big effect later. I think this was the point Owen was trying to get across by

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Appendix 1 – Student C
using rhyme, the fact that every thing that happened during the war could have an
effect later on, causing a chain reaction.
In conclusion, I think Owen used different techniques to give across different points on
the war, however I think the main point he was trying to get across was that the
soldiers who died probably won’t be noticed and they probably won’t get a funeral. I
think Owen successfully got his point across and presented the realities of war by using
different techniques his own thoughts on war, which also gave the reader a chance to
think about how the soldiers died on the battlefield.

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Appendix 1 – Student D
Student D
‘Dulce et Decorum Est’ By Wilfred Owen
In the 7th line of Dulce et Decorum est, Owen is saying the soldiers are agsaustard and
not even bombs shock them. My evendence to support this is on line 7 “Drunk with
fatigue; deaf even to the hoots”. “Drunk with fatigue” could mean the soldiers are so
tired that they could pass out or collapse. And the second part “deaf even to the
hoots” Hoots is referring to the noise that the bombs made when they are falling
through the air. I think Wilfred Owen is trying to say that the soldiers have herd them
so much that now they take no notice of them.
In the second stanza, line 12 Owen is saying how scared and painful the gas could be to
the soldiers. I know this because Owen has put “And flound'ring like a man in fire or
lime…” where it says “flound’ring “ I think this could mean that the soldiers are being
very clumsy because they are so scared. “Man in fire or lime” Being in fire could be
very painfull to your whole body and breathing in this gas would be like burning your
insides. Lime refers to the white chalky substance which can burn.
In the last stanza from, lines 19 to 24, Owen explains how bad of an effect the gas can
have on the soldiers. He uses the sentences like “And watch the white eyes writhing in
his face, His hanging face,” He discribes the eyes shinking, writhing away. He also says
there white like they have lost all colour.
“Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud” Owen is saying the gas is worse the cancer. Cud
is normally the grass cows chew on which is usually green and bubbling. And here Owen
is saying it is issuing from the soldiers mouth.
The last 2 lines of Wilfred Owen’s poem is saying how not right and sweet it is to die
for your country. The lines say “The old Lie; Dulce et Decorum est Pro patria mori.” It
tranclats from latin to “It’s sweet and right to die for your country” Wilfred Owen says
this is a lie because of all the terrible things that could happen to you, like how
terrible the gas could be and how scare, tired and porly you are treated.

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Appendix 1 – Student E
Student E
A technique that Wilfred Owen used which shows the reality of war is simili’s. he uses
this technique in line 20 “his hanging face like a devil’s sick of sin” in his poem. the
use of the word devil makes it seem the mans face is a grotesque and horrible to look
at. the writer Owen is suggesting that the man is lying in a painfull and horrible death
Just because he didn’t Put his gas mask on in time.
Another technique Wilfred Owen uses was Per Sonification. Which is in the first
paragraph us “on the haunting flares” on line 3. the word haunting makes the Flares
seem like they are scary and dangerous as the killer ghose Wilfred is suggesting that
the solders don’t whant to go towards the flares and that they whant to stay in a safe
place in stead of fighting in the war.

101
Appendix 1 – Student F
Student F
How does Owen present the realities of war, ‘Dulce et Decorum Est’?
In the poem Owen talks about life in the trenches. Owen also talks about how most of
the soldiers died, and attacks!
In the first stanza, Owen talks about, the soldiers marching while they fall asleep. In
stanza 2 Owen used exclamation points after he said “Gas! Gas! Quick, boys!” Owen
used exclamation points to make the reader have strong like realistic feelings as if
they were actually there.
Another technique Owen has used is similes. Owen has used a simile in stanza 4, “His
hanging face, like a devils sick of sin” He has used this technique I think, because he is
having nightmares about a soldier he watched die from a gas attack. So Owen is
comparing his dreams to the devil!
Stanza’s 2/3 Owen has used a different technique. He has repeated the word
“drowning”. When Owen used the word drowning he was referring to the soldier who
died in the gas attack. He used the word drowning because after/during the gas attack,
the soldier choked on his flem + blood, because he didn’t get his helmet on in time.

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Appendix 1 – Student G
Student G
How does Owen present the realities of war in his poem, ‘Dulce et Decorum Est’?
Owen uses similes in his poem to describe what is going on. We see this when he writes
“floundering like a man in fire or lime”
He uses this simile because he is saying that it is so hot it is like being on fire or
covered in lime.
Owen also used rule of 3 to described how the gas affected them. We see this when
Owen writes “guttering, choking, drowning”
The rule of 3 is telling us what happened if you where stuck in a gas attack.
Owen is suggesting that the rule of 3 is to describe how the men feel when going
through a gas attack.
Another technique which Owen uses to present the realities of war is repition. He
shows this by putting “Gas! Gas!”.
The repetition of “Gas” is the sound of someone shoting that there is a Gas attack.

101
Appendix 1 – Student H
Student H
How are the texts ‘In the kitchens’ and ‘Night Cleaner at the Savoy’ similar and
different?
In the text, ‘In the kitchens,’ there is a huge contrast between the area above ground
for the guests and below ground for the workers. The inequality is shown in the
quotes, ‘a vast grandiose place, with a classical facade,’ which suggest a large place
with lots of space and room. However, underground there is, ‘narrow passages, deep
underground, so low I had to stoop in places,’ which implies cramped living conditions.
In the first quote, Orwell uses the word, ‘vast’ to show the pleasantries and luxury of
space that is given to the guests. On the other hand, the use the word ‘narrow’ suggest
not enough room for the servants to do their duties in. Orwell used this contrast of
space to make the reader feel sympathy for the workers not having normal comforts.
Equally, ‘night cleaner at the savoy,’ the building is said to be very inequal in the
space given to employees and guests. This is shown in the line, ‘Potent mix of light and
dark, glamour and filth,’ which refers to the areas below and above ground. The
phrase, ‘light and dark,’ uses juxtaposition to show the huge difference between the
‘light’ of above and the ‘dark’ of below ground. Fran abrams uses this to show the
facts that could symbolise the huge inequality shown in London and other expensive
cities. Especially for those on minimum wage surviving those earning millions a year.
To continue, the people in ‘The kitchens of hotel X,’ are shown to be hardworking and
tired. This is presented in the sentence, ‘He was an Italien, with a round, pale face,
Haggard from overwork. This could imply the amount of stress applied to the workers.
The phrase, ‘ Pale face,’ is used to show the reader how the cramped conditions
actually make people ill. Orwell uses this to make the readers think about if you are
not working you die. If you work then you are ill and not really living, a life at all. This
point is built upon in ‘The night claner’ in the quote ‘scrapping splatters of dried up
vomit from the tiled floor is bearable’ which could imply that these people will do
anything just to get 4 pound an hour. The word, ‘bearable’ is used to show how almost
anything is doable as long as you are getting pid. Fran Abrams uses this to make the
reader aware of the lives of people on minimum wage in the most expensive city in
Britain.

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Appendix 1 – Student H
Both writers wanted to show the great inequality seen in rich cities. Working in a hotel
was the best way to show this, as people on the minimum wage are working directly
with those being paid millions. This made me personally think about the vast
inequality all over Britain were people who have done nothing their whole life other
than inherited are being served by some of the most hardworking people in the world.

101
Appendix 1 – Student I
Student I
Both ‘In the kitchen’ and ‘Night Cleaner at the Savoy’ deal with the theme of
inequality. Write about how they are similar or how they are different.
In ‘Night Cleaner at the Savoy’ there is huge inequality between the appearance of the
building for the workers and the guests. This is shown in the quotation “enter the
underbelly of the building and you discover a sleazy world of dripping pipes’. This
shows that beneath what the guests experience is a horrible environment for the
workers at the hotel. As well as this, the word ‘discover’ shows that it is extremely
shocking like nothing you could ever imagine, for such a nice hotel. Similarly, in the
text ‘In the kitchen’ George Orwell contrasts the two evironments in the quotation “a
vast grandiose place with a classical façade, at one side a little door way, like a rat
hole.” Orwell juxtaposes the two environments to exaggerate how the inequality
between the two experiences. It also shows how the cleaners have become the same
level in society as vermin. The two different texts are extremely similar because both
Fran Abrams and George Orwell juxtapose the two experiences to create an impact on
the reader, it makes the reader feel sympathy towards the cleaners because they have
to work in this ‘sleazy world’ underneath the ‘grandiose place’ above them.
The people in ‘Night Cleaner at the Savoy’ are seen as being very badly treated. This is
shown in the quote “berating some poor newcomer for poor work and
insubordination”. Fran Abrams shows that the staff are ill-treated and need to
maintain a good level of work even though they are working in such a poor
environment. This has an impact on the reader, because it makes them feel sympathy
towards the workers because not only do they not get paid much and work in a filthy
place, they don’t get treated well either. In the same way, Orwell shows how the
workers are badly treated : “I realised the curses I’d met with had only been a kind of
probation.” This suggests that you need to prove yourself to your boss and when you
have met their standards you will be treated with respect. The inequality in both of
these texts are shown by the workers being treated badly but the guests at the hotel
are treated very well.

101
Appendix 1 – Student I
The written intentions were to exaggerate the gap of inequality in these places
between the workers and the guests. They make the reader realise how desperate
some people are to earn some money as they put themselves through torture to earn
as little as half of what the guests pay to stay in the hotels. Personally, I think George
Orwell piece was more successful for getting the point of inequality across because it
is extremely detailed and je juxtaposes the two sides to the hotel. However, Fran
Abrams was also very successful at describing the difference between the cleaners and
the guests.

101
Appendix 1 – Student J
Student J
In ‘Night Cleaners’ Fran Abrams shows that the workers in the hotel are treated
unfairly. This shown by the conversation, “why must I always clean the toilets?”, “why
does Mehmet never finish the American Baron time”, “Why have I not been paid for my
overtime?” The conversation shows that the workers are not happy about the way they
are being treated. The constant repitition of the word “why” suggests that all though
there are lots of complaints, their questions are just being ignored by those in charge.
In a similar way, in ‘In the kitchens’ by George Orwell shows that the workers are
being treated unequally. This is shown when he writes “The Hotel X was a vast,
grandoise place with a classical façade, and at one side a little, dark doorway like a
rat-hole” The words ‘grandoise’ and ‘classical’are rather posh words that show the the
hotel is extremely glamorous and extravagant. Then there is a sudden contrast when
he writes that the workers entrance in a “little, dark doorway, like a rat hole”. The
similie “like a rat-hole” is effective at showing that the workers entrance is filthy and
disgusting. Furthermore, the comparison to a rat hole suggests that the workers are
treated like, and viewed as vermin.
The main objective of these two articles was to show the contrast of the unpleasant
working conditions for the workers, to the luxurious treatment of the guests. The
perspective of George Orwell and fran Abrams makes me feel sympathy for them, but
also makes me reflect and feel grateful for the employees who work hard to make sure
we can have a nice dinner or enjoy a holiday for example. I think Orwells article was
for effective because I could imagine I was there because of his use of senses.

101
Appendix 1 – Student K
Student K
In ‘Night cleaner’, fran Abrams describes the hotel as unequal. This is shown in the
sentence “The potent mix of light and dark, glamour and filth, opulence and poverty
that is the Savoy”. The writer uses juxtaposition to explain the ‘glamour’ and
‘opulence’ which shows the reader the expensive and luxury side for the guests but
also ‘filth’ and ‘poverty’ for the workers. Similarily, ‘In the kitchen’ by George Orwell
shows the difference between the rich and the poor. For example, “The Hotel X was a
vast, grandiose place with a classical façade and at one side a little, dark door way like
a rat hole, which was the service entrance. This also shows the unequal society within
the hotel. Statements like, ‘like a rat hole’ really emphasise the difference between
rich and poor, like the poorer people are like rats.
In ‘Night cleaner’, Fran Abrams shows the difference in life at the hotel for guests and
workers by making it sound unfair. This is shown in the sentence “I will be the
shadowing figure here, emerging from the bowels of the building as the last few guests
go yawning, sometimes staggering, to their crisply laundered beds”. The words
‘emerging from the bowels’ shows how the hotel is like a body, almost like the guests
live in the brain of the hotel. In a similar way, Orwell presents the kitchen like the
lower part of a ship. This shows in the sentence, ‘a stifling, low ceilinged inferno of a
cellar, red-lit from the fires and deafening with oaths and the clanging of pots and
pans”. This also explains the bad working conditions for him.

101
Appendix 1 – Student L
Student L
Fran Abrams makes the Savoy Hotel seem as if it has areas to which are so contrasting,
that the extreme measures of filth and poverty are made to be concluded by the
opulence of the Hotels’ appearance. As an illustration of my last point, the quote
“emerging from the bowels of the building” exemplifies the hidden part of the
building that is unhygienic and dark. The phrase “bowels of the building” is
personifying the building to have a lower area which is generally dismal and found
uncomfortable when brought up in conversation by others. The writer intends to hit
hard with the alliteration of the letter ‘b’; this sound is generally associated with
onomatopoeia used to categorize explosions and violent actions such as: “Boom!” and
“Bam”
Linking to the other article, this technique is also used in the quote “you bolt in panic”
which, similarly, uses the “b” and “p” sound to create a punchy impart in the readers
mind; this technique exaggerates the powerful aura about both articles. The power
and thought – provoking element that these articles both carry is another similarity
between the two
Orwell suggests poverty is a shameful existence. For example, “you bolt in panic, it is
hours before you dare venture into a baker’s shop again” in a quote that illustrates
this shame. This is referring to a moment when Orwell enters a bakers, but is worried
he hasn’t got enough money to pay. The word “bolt” suggests he leaves in a desperate,
fast manner because he is frightened as being discovered as poor.
The word also implies that he has been reduced to the state of an animal – less than
human as animals bolt when something shocking has triggered them! Also, the reader
takes empathy through the use of the word “you” because it brings them into the story
and therefore engages them.

101
Appendix 1 – Student L
Discussing and evaluating the differences between the texts, is that as explained
before, George Orwell is downgraded to a status of subhuman nature, to which he is
treated and acts differently. However, in the “Night Cleaner at the Savoy” article the
workers are almost being treated the complete opposite. Explaining my last point, the
workers are expected to take on astronomically difficult tasks in order to satisfy their
boss and at the same time earn a staggeringly low income that that they are expected
to accept; they are treated as if they are herculean workoholics/superhumans. The
quote “tottering precipes of crockery pile up in countless” exemplifies the fact that
the workers are faced with ridiculous tasks at such low pay. Likewise to “Down and
part in pairs” the reader is made to feel sorry for the workers.
Thus, I believe both writers succeeded at dealing with the theme of inequality used a
range of techniques such as juxtaposition, exaggeration and alliteration. I believe that
the writers attempted to project the message of how someone of a higher status can
entirely downgrade someone who is poorer or to a status where they are treated
differently and most completely removed their life. I think the writers also made an
extreme to involve the reader so they are able to empathise with the characters.
However, I believe that “Night Cleaner at Savoy” was able to cover this better due to
the constant exaggeration, comparison and powerful vocabulary.

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Appendix 1 – Student M
Student M
In the text ‘Night Cleaner’ Fran Abrams describes the hotel as luxurious, but the it
suggests that the hotel goes from luxurious and comfortable to unpleasantly shocking.
Fran describes it as a ‘potent mix of light and dark, glamour and filth opulence and
poverty’ The word ‘poverty’ realy stands out because when you think poverty you think
horrible lives, not a very nice house dirty starving people and that is how Fran
describes the bowels of the ‘Savoy’ almost saying that the glamorous people who own
the Savoy take advantage of people in poverty, because people in poverty and
desperate for any kind of money. However, in “in the kitchens” is still a dreadful
place. The kitchens are described as a ‘rat-hole’ it makes out that the staff are vermin
but it does not have the word ‘poverty’ in it so maybe the people who run ‘hotel x’ are
a bit more proud of their hotel and who they pick as their staff.
But it does still seem that ‘hotel x’ is still not as nice as it makes out. George Owell
describes that ‘so low in places I have to stoop’ the word ‘low’ could be some type of
technique it could be meaning that it is low in business, hygene and all that as well as
being low down.
In the text ‘Night cleaner’ Fran Abrams boss is a woman who could have gone to
university and had a great life but got stuck working here. The boss got cross when
tired so that affects the whole staff. At the end of the article Fran’s boss says
something odd and when she sait it she is described as ‘she cooked sad for a minuet’
but then it is almost like she shakes it off then said ‘but you know if you really try, you
could get a rise to 4.50 an hour’ She says that as if is an improvement to what she is on
for now. Fran’s boss that it is an improvement which it is not. The words ‘if you really
try’ it is almost ironic because she’s almost saying that the workers don’t try. Fran I
think says that because it is her saying that she didn’t try hard enough and that is why
she didn’t get into university. However for the ‘chef du personal’ only takes in George
Orwell because at his language ‘You are an Englishman’ I think that the chef du
personal has no indication to raises or any think. The word ‘Englishman’ stands out to
me as it is though the English were/are being treated differently.

101
Appendix 1 – Student M
I think the writers wanted to show how well some people are they are blind to how bad
off others are. They made me feel annoyed for the authors how they were being
spoken down to and that is some peoples lives. I think that ‘night cleaner’ was the
most successful as it really points out how terribly bad some peoples lives are and how
hotels can be deceiving in showing people add and unless you work there you don’t
know what its like.

101
Appendix 1 – Student N
Student N
Both ‘in the kitchen’ and ‘night cleaner at the savoy’ are similar as they have lots of
inequality. An example of this is a quote from ‘in the kitchens’, “Hotel X was a vast
grandiose place with a classical façade, and at one side a little dark, doorway like a
rat-hole, which as the service entrance.” The quote demonstrates inequality because
the hotel guests were staying in a ‘grandiose’ and ‘classical’ place which is really
luxurious and beautiful. Whereas the workers stay in what is described to be like a
‘rat-hole’. The word ‘rat-hole’ suggests that where the workers stay is really filthy
and horrible. This makes the readers feel guilty as they have probably been guests at
the hotel but not realised what bad things the workers have had to do to make their
stay nice. I think George Orwell described both the nice things and the bad things
about the hotel to show how unequal the place and the world is. An example of
inequality from ‘Night cleaner at the savoy’ is “I plunge for the first time into the
potent mix of light and dark, glamour and filth, opulence and poverty that is the
savoy.” The quote states how one one side, presumable where the guests stay is
luxurious yet on the other side, presumably where the workers stay is filthy and
horrible.
Both ‘in the kitchen’ and ‘night cleaner at the savoy’ are similar as they both have
strict workers. An example of this from ‘in the kitchen’ is, “a waiter, another Italian,
thrust a fierce fuzzy head into the doorway and looked down on me”. The quote shows
how fierce and aggressive the people working at Hotel X are. George Orwell uses the
word ‘fuzzy’ to add some humour into what would normally be a frightening situation.
An example of strict workers at ‘night cleaner at the savoy’ is “you want to clean the
toilets? She will bark.” The quote shows how loud and angry the workers are. The word
‘bark’ suggests that she is like a mad dog, mad dogs can be very persistant and whiney
as well which is relatable to the workers.
I conclude to say that the writers messages was to show people how unequal the world
is and how some people get treated better than others. The articles made me feel
really sympathetic towards the workers as they had to face lots of hardships and
challenges just to keep their jobs. I think the most successful article was ‘night cleaner

101
Appendix 1 – Student N
at the savoy’. I felt this was more effective as it described the nice bits and horrible
bits about the hotel in strong detail.

101

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Essay writing pack

Getting students started

Planning and structuring essays

Introductions and conclusions

Inference and deduction

Formal essay vocabulary

Drafting and redrafting

Appendix 1 – student essays

www.teachit.co.uk 25528 Page 2 of 101

 Getting students started: imperative verbs and essay question styles

 Introductions and conclusions: engaging your reader and summarising

 Using quotations: selecting evidence and embedding quotations

 Inference and deduction: analysis and using the PEE structure

 Formal essay vocabulary: connectives in context, discursive writing techniques,

developing sophisticated word and sentence choices

identifying spelling, punctuation and grammatical errors.

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The student exemplar materials are based on:

 Wilfred Owen’s poem ‘Dulce et Decorum Est’ (Student A-G)

with were only a kind of probation.’) (Student H-N).

Students should be taught to:

 writing for a wide range of purposes and audiences, including:

 well-structured formal expository and narrative essays

 summarising and organising material, and supporting ideas and arguments

with any necessary factual detail

 applying their growing knowledge of vocabulary, grammar and text

structure to their writing and selecting the most appropriate form

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to enhance the impact of their writing.

 plan, draft, edit and proof-read through:

which it was intended

 amending the vocabulary, grammar and structure of their writing to

improve its coherence and overall effectiveness

 paying attention to accurate grammar, punctuation and spelling.

A note from the writer

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Getting students started

Imperative verbs, recipes and … mmm, cake

Cut open her heart and sprinkle it with love …

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What do the Bloom’s words mean?

The Bloom’s vocabulary to explore is:

1. Knowledge: find and remember information.

2. Comprehension: understand information.

3. Application: use information in a different but similar way.

4. Analysis: look at the information in detail and find links.

5. Synthesis: change the information into a different form.

6. Evaluation: make judgements about the information.

Second guessing essay questions

The Teachit English ‘Bloom’s taxonomy’ resource provides a great introduction to

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Setting the questions

Making light of tricky imperatives

 Analyse the experience of eating a square of chocolate.

 Evaluate the reasons why chocolate is more popular than broccoli.

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Identify all the reasons the advert suggests you