walk onscreen looking at paper

Ok, so lets see, banking, employment, taxes, looks like ive got everything right here notices camera oh hi
there! Im guessing you want to take a look at these numbers, right? Well then, lets just get right into it!
sits down lets see here, ummmmmmmmmmmmm, these are all blank, except for one that has my cat
on it… and one that has barney on it. pause for a few seconds oh well throws papers ive got everything
right up here, so let me just walk you through my plan here. First; banking, now in order to save for
something, you need to have a goal to save towards, so heres my plan: scoopis black diamond ice
cream. Imagine a scoop of madigascar vanilla ice cream, topped with Italian trufllues, gold and some
other stuff, all served in a fancy bowl with a fancy spoon, and you get to keep both! Now THAT sounds
like heaven. Unfourtunately, its not quite heaven, but its is Saudi arabia, which I mean I guess that’s
close enough. now I know what your thinking, brandon, that one scoop of ice cream, who wants only
one scoop of the greatest thing since water balloons. Good thinking, my names not brandon. That’s ok I
forgive. Hears my plan; get two. That means that ill be spending a cool 1632 dollars, because its its 816
dolars per scoop. Well, I guess ill also need to fly across an ocean, so thatll bring my total up a little, plus
ill want to come back, so… pulls out calculator 1213 dollars for plane tickets times two because I don’t
want to be stranded in the middle east for the rest of my life so… thatll round up to abput 4058 dollars,
although im gonna rounfd that up further to 4500 because I should probably have a few extra bucks
with me. So using a pinnacle bank pinn savings account with an interest rate of 0.07%, and investing a
total of 4000 dollars, I should get enough money in about… 48 years, give or take a few years.

Now your probably thinking hey brandon, how are you gonna get that money… wh…ehers it gonna
come from well that’s another excellents question, my names still not brandon. Well, I am a little in
between jobs at the moment, because those orphans were annoying, but I did find a job that I can apply
for in the library system ans a library aide, which will be nice because I wont constantly have people
asking me questions like, why did you let the cows out, and where did they go, and why is a fence post
missing Now according to the inforn=mation that what posted on the inter webs, they’ll pay my 9 $ an
hour, 29 hours a week, which doesn’t sound terrible, I mean that’s like 261$ a week 1044 a month,
12528 a year you know, enough to keep me alive for a while. Now sadly, I will have to deduct 752 for
social security, 157 for medicare, 1306 for taxes, and a little bit to pay back those farmers for
accidentally using a fence post as a windmill, so I should have a net pay of 10314, which still isn’t too
bad, I mean, its better than what I was getting.

But its definitely not enough to buy that heavenly ice cream, so I should probably get a credit card. Now,
I usually wouldn’t get a credit card, because they kinda sound like a pyramid scheme, but this is the very
definition of an emergency, so im gonna go with a citi double cash card, because that was the first one I
found. So, the maximum credit limit is 500 dollars, so ill have to be careful, but I should be able to figure
something out, plus thers an apr of 13.99%, which I think that means something, but hey, theres no
interest rate, so that’s suspiciously nice. Now, I’ll need to buy somehtings with it to make it worth the
money, so heres a list of the things I would buy. A new book- 50 $, a big mac probably-7.50, and I don’t
know, a cookie, sure, that’s like a dollar.

Phone rings oh one second, hello who is this, oh the irs, oh I forgot to pay my taxes, oops right I did
forget to do that thing… totally… yeah… I definitely forgot that hey ill get that mailed to you right away.
Ok yeah you have a nice day love you bye.
Ok so I finger quotes forgot to pay my taxes, so im just gonna, do that realy quick writing montage ok so
I should still owe them 755 $. Heck. Ill get that taken care of, don’t worry about it.

Anyways where were we. Right housing. Now your probably asking, brandon, where are you gonna live
next year, and that is a fantastic question, you are on a roll today with these questions, my name is still
not brandon, I thought you would remember that… why did you forget? Are you not paying attention?
Anyways, I need to figure a housing situation, because apparently living in a cardboard box isn’t social
acceptable or something, which imnea I don’t get why, I mena its work perfectly foine for the last
seventeen years, but I guess ill humor you. Luckly, I have a place I can stay, abel hall, on the unl campus.
So, with a meal plan, thisll cost me 11920 $ per semester, but hey, I wont have to repaint or worry about
any maintenance thingies, and I shouldn’t need to hire a moving service or anything like that, and ill get
half of 219 sq ft to live in, but I will need to set aside 500 dollars for buying stuff that ill need, so thall
bring the full cost up to 12420 $.

Now, if I look at all the information across my notes, then, yyoull see that ive reached the solid
conclusion that………. Im gonna be broke. seinfeld music