Copyright 2016 © by Chris Seiter The information contained in this guide is for informa-

tional purposes only. I am not a lawyer or an account-

All rights reserved. Reproduction and distribution in
ant. Any legal or financial advice that I give is my
any way, shape, or form is forbidden. No part of this
opinion based on my own experience. You should
manual shall be reproduced, stored in a retrieval sys-
always seek the advice of a professional before act-
tem, or transmitted by any other means, electronic,
ing on something that I have published or recom-
mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise
mended.
without prior written permission from the author.
By reading this guide, you agree that I am not re-
If you have questions, email
sponsible for the success or failure of your relation-
cfwebvoyager@gmail.com. ship decisions relating to any information presented
in this guide

i
CHAPTER ONE

WELCOME TO THE
FAMILY!
I have a funny story to tell you...

This is the third iteration of this book. In

other words, this has been the third time
that I have re-written this book.

Why?
Well, it’s because change is a constant in this world.

What may work for getting an ex back right now may not work ten years from now. I
mean, can you imagine what men and women had to do to get their exes back forty
years ago when cell phones hadn’t even been invented yet?

Thus, in order for my advice and my brand to “stay ahead of the times” I need to
evolve with the times.

So, every few years or so I update this book to make it better and more centered
around what’s currently working.

Well, when I started writing this book I wanted it to be the best thing that I have ever
written.

I took all the complaints that I had ever gotten from people in the past and worked
them into the book so I would never get those types of complaints again.

I did extensive research into what people wanted to hear about.

Hell, I even compiled a list of every situation that I have ever encountered through-
out my time as a relationship consultant (more on that in a second.)

My point is that I was prepared.

I wanted this book to be so good that nothing ever written in the field of “getting an
ex back” could competed with it.

And about a month ago I started writing it.

It was going well...

Hell... I am not one to be modest.

IT WAS GOING F*CKING GREAT!

Every day I would think about how excited I was to continue writing and adding on
to this masterpiece I was writing.

3
But then something happened that changed things for me...

Something horrible.

I think I was around 92 pages in when it happened.

Now, in order for this to make sense I need to tell you a little bit about my personal
life.

I have a lot going on.

I have a wife...

A newborn baby...

A website to run...

Podcast episodes to record...

YouTube videos to film...

I have thousands of people wanting my advice...

And for the most part I feel like I do a pretty good job of managing all of these re-
sponsibilities.

How do I do it you ask?

The truth is, is that everything runs through my computer.

Literally... I plan my day out using my computer and then check off my “tasks” once
they are completed.

That process has always worked for me.

But the one downside of that is that things tend to pile up.

I want you to take a look at what my computer screen looks like right now,

4
Seems pretty busy, right?

Well, about an hour ago my entire computer screen was filled up to the point that
there was no room for anything else.

Every bit of space was taken.

So, at that point I did what any person would do,

I decided to clean it up.

And in the process of cleaning it up I erased something accidentally.

....

Yup, you guessed it.

I erased my masterpiece of a book.

GONE FOREVER!

So, I guess what I told you at the beginning of this book isn’t exactly true.

5
This is the FOURTH iteration of this book.

But it got me thinking...

How I feel right now is exactly how you probably feel about your ex.

You feel like you would do anything to get them back, right?

Just like I would do anything to get my masterpiece of a book back.

But it feel’s like it’s impossible, right?

And therein lies the first lesson I am going to teach you about today.

It’s going to be impossible to get your previous relationship with your ex back the ex-
act way that it was.

I know that’s probably what you want but something has changed and nothing you
can do or say can erase that fact.

Breakups tend to have that effect.

Take this book as an example, do you honestly think I can replicate it to be the exact
way that it was?

Absolutely not.

It’s impossible.

But that doesn’t scare me because of what I am going to tell you next.

Just because you can’t get your relationship with your ex back to the exact way that
it was doesn’t mean that you can’t create something greater the second time
around.

Hmmm...

Maybe I am not getting through to you.

Let’s look at this book.

6
I was in the process of creating what I thought was a masterpiece.

But then, in my own stupidity, I erased it.

It is gone forever.

I have accepted that fact.

A human being really isn’t tested until they have to go through some type of adver-
sity.

So, rather than just sit around and act all depressed I decided that I was going to
make this fourth iteration even better than the masterpiece I thought I was writing.

That’s my attitude towards this whole debacle and that’s the attitude that I am going
to teach you to have when it comes to getting your ex back.

But first, I should probably introduce you to your support system.

Yes, you read that correctly,

YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM!

You see, one of the qualities that sets EBR and EGR apart from the rest of our com-
petition out there is that we are willing to do things that most companies aren’t.

In other words, we are willing to do everything in our power to help you.

Thus, I have created a support system or “family,” if you will, that you can lean on in
your time of need.

These are the people that you can talk to when you have a bad day.

The people who will always be there to help, guide, advise and support you.

Would you like to meet them?

7
I like long walks on the CHRIS SEITER - FOUNDER
beach...
First you have me!
I am a former UFC
Fighter... Chris Seiter...

I won a nobel peace Creator...

prize...
Founder...
I once saved a child
from a burning GOD...
building...
Also very conceited (if you can’t already tell.)
I was once voted as
“The Sexiest Man I created Ex Boyfriend Recovery.
Alive”
I write all the books and content you see on the website.
Ya... none of that is
true. Except maybe the I am essentially the brains behind the operation.
first statement.
Now lets meet the boss... AKA: My Wife!

8
Hmm... what can I say JENNIFER SEITER -
about Jennifer.
YOUTUBE & MARKETING
She likes long walks on
the beach... Now I know what you are thinking...

Is a former UFC f... Oh “How the hell did he wind up with her?”
wait, that’s what I said
for me. That’s a good question!

Here’s all you need to Even I am shocked that I somehow got this beauty. Jennifer
know about Jennifer. is in charge of our YouTube channel so if you ask a ques-
She is the most
tion there she’s going to be the one that answers you most
amazing woman I have of the time.
ever met in my life.
However, in addition to YouTube she is also in charge of our
That tells you all you marketing efforts.
need to know about
her.

The Best Way To Reach Her: Our YouTube Channel

9
Amor has been one of AMOR -
the greatest additions
to the Ex Recovery
RELATIONSHIP SPECIALIST
Team.
Amor is our relationship specialist.
If you ask a question
she is going to answer In other words, if you have a question and decide to com-
it. ment on the website then she is the one who you are going
to be talking to.
She’s very personable
and gets along great
with everyone.
(Though I pop in from time to time to shake things up.)

Plus her name literally

Amor is really one of the rockstars on the Ex Recovery
means “Love” in Team due to the sheer number of comments she has an-
Spanish. swered.

So, to say that she has experience is an understatement.

Best Way To Reach Her: Comment On Ex Boyfriend Re-

covery or Ex Girlfriend Recovery

10
She was recently LEIA - CUSTOMER SERVICE
featured on a
documentary about When she isn’t kicking ass in bike races she’s kicking ass in
biking. helping people with their exes.

This girl is in serious Leia is our customer support rep and I don’t know where
shape as she races
we’d be without her.
competitively every
weekend and wins
If you ever have a question via email Leia is definitely the
first.... all the time!
person you want to talk to.
Oh, maybe I should
mention that she is Now, I am not going to claim that we can get back to you
currently studying for within hours BUT you are going to get a response from ei-
her graduate degree
ther me or Leia in 24 to 48 hours.
and loves helping
people in their
Best Way To Reach Her:
relationships!

support@exboyfriendrecovery.com

support@exgirlfriendrecovery.com

11
CHAPTER TWO

THE THREE PARTS

OF THIS BOOK!
In Chapter One I mentioned that one of
the things that I did before writing this
book was compiling all the complaints I
have ever gotten.

You see, one thing I have learned over the

years is that when someone is unhappy
after they buy a product they won’t be
afraid to let you know about it.
So, what I have done is taken all of those complaints and addressed them in this
book.

Of course, my way of “addressing them” is very unique (more on that in a second.)

For now all you need to know is that this book is going to be divided up into three dif-
ferent parts.

PART ONE: The Game Plan

PART TWO: The “Mock” Campaign

PART THREE: Specific Situations

Let’s take a moment to dissect each of these parts so you fully grasp what I am go-
ing for here.

PART ONE: THE GAME PLAN

Part one of this book focuses specifically on the game plan that I teach to men and
women to get their exes back.

In other words, I literally map everything out for you from start to finish so that you
have a detailed explanation of what you have to do to get your ex back.

To be honest I am not quite sure if I can add anything more to the explanation here
since it’s pretty straightforward.

It’s really in parts two and three where things start to get a lot more interesting.

Let’s talk about those now.

PART TWO: THE “MOCK” CAMPAIGN

In preparation for this book I conducted an independent study where I asked people
what caused them to buy the previous versions.

13
I literally had HUNDREDS of responses.

And out of those hundreds of responses I learned some interesting things.

First off, without a doubt the most significant factor for what makes someone buy
PRO are the testimonials.

In other words, seeing someone use it and have success is a HUGE selling point.

Another popular reason for why a person would buy PRO is the fact that they
thought I looked genuine.

(Blush)

All I have to say is....

THANK YOU!

Ok, we are getting off topic here.

While those are great reasons for buying PRO those pail in comparison to the reason
I am about to let you in on.

The “mock” campaign!

You see, back in 2013 when I wrote the first version of PRO I came up with an idea
to create a mock get your ex back campaign.

It’s basically a pretend situation where I implement the game plan I taught you about
in part one.

Why do I do this?

Well, I think it’s not enough to just learn about the game plan.

You have to see it in action.

Besides, I have always learned more by doing it than just having my nose in a book.

So, that’s what you can expect from part two of this book.

14
PART THREE: SPECIFIC SITUATIONS
Without a doubt the number one complaint that I would get in the previous iterations
of PRO was the fact that someone would buy it with the belief that it would talk about
what to do in their specific situation but it wouldn’t.

It would just talk about what to do in the general situations.

• General breakups

• Cheating

• Long Distance

• Etc

So, once I got this feedback I began compiling a list of all the situations I have ever
encountered in my time as a relationship consultant and I am not afraid to admit that
there were a lot,

• You Cheated

• They Cheated

• Long Distance

• Being Blocked

• He/She Has A New Girlfriend/Boyfriend

• If You Slept With Them

• Engagement

• If They Are In The Army

• If You Have A Child Together

• How To Get Them Back After A Long Time Apart (1 Yr +)

• What To Do If They Are Married

15
• What If You Were Friend Zoned

• If You Are Pregnant (Women Only)

I decided that I was going to include specific plans for each of these situations.

And that’s what makes this book so much more unique than everything else out
there.

It takes the game plan that I talk about in parts one and two of this book and alters it
to fit each one of these situations.

You see, most people who teach you how to get your ex back will give you a linear
game plan.

Meaning that the game plan can only be done in one specific way but I don’t believe
that human beings work that way.

No, human beings are complex creatures and if you approach getting an ex back in
a linear way you are probably going to fail.

Instead, you have to take the linear plan and alter it’s direction.

Are you ready to get started?

Oh wait... perhaps I should say one more thing before we dive in to part one!

I want you to take a good look at this list one more time,

• You Cheated

• They Cheated

• Long Distance

• Being Blocked

• He/She Has A New Girlfriend/Boyfriend

• If You Slept With Them

16
• Engagement

• If They Are In The Army

• If You Have A Child Together

• If You Have Been Friend Zoned

• How To Get Them Back After A Long Time Apart (1 Yr +)

• What To Do If They Are Married

• If You Were Friend Zoned

• If You Are Pregnant (Women Only)

If you don’t see your exact situation on it then I want you to get in contact with me or
a member of my team immediately.

Our goal with this book is to help YOU in your exact situation.

That’s the only way this works.

So, if your exact situation isn’t covered here then we are going to add it and add on
to this book.

Once we have done so we will give you the updated version for free.

Now, I can’t guarantee a 24 hour turnaround time on when we will update the book
assuming we missed your situation but I promise you that we will eventually get to it.

Just bug us enough and it will get done.

17
CHAPTER THREE

THE GAME PLAN

This chapter is going to be pretty long so
buckle up.

I am going to be covering the entire proc-

ess of getting an ex back from start to fin-
ish.

You ready?
Yes?

Ok, I want you to take a look at this graphic,

19
This is the game plan for getting an ex back.

Now, if this doesn’t make sense to you don’t worry I am going to explain everything.
Oh, and if you already think you know everything there is to know about this strategy
due to reading about it on my website.

You have another thing coming...

But more on that in a second.

Let me tell you a little bit about the strategy.

The best way to view this strategy is by it having levels and stages. Kind of like a
video game.

I am thinking of Super Mario here.

If you have ever played the old Mario game you would often start the game at level 1
- 1.

20
In other words, you would start the game at level one and within that level you would
be at stage one.

If you passed stage one you would move on to stage two and if you passed that
stage you would move on to level two.

This process would repeat until you eventually completed the game.

The same principle is going to apply here,

21
So, I want you to approach this game plan like a video game.

If you beat the game you get your ex back.

It’s as simple as that.

Of course, you can’t cheat. You can’t skip any of the levels that I talk about within
this plan.

Why?

There is a very specific way in which this “game” has to be played out.

Let me give you an example.

Let’s say that you are starting at the beginning with level one (no contact) and you
want to advance to level two (texting.)

You can’t just do the no contact rule (which I will talk about in a moment) for a few
days and then move on to texting.

You have to complete these two stages first,

Get it?

No?

22
Ok, perhaps this will make more sense to you.

I have found that oftentimes people are their own worst enemy when it comes to get-
ting an ex back.

They often get in their own way and end up failing as a result.

This game plan is meant to prevent that from happening.

It utilizes a “value chain” strategy.

In business, a value chain is used to explain the set of activities that a firm operating
in a specific industry performs in order to deliver a valuable product or service for
the market.

In our case, we have used a value chain to explain how you are going to get from
point A (where you are right now) to point B (where you want to be.)

But perhaps the most interesting part of our value chain is the fact that it hinges on
letting things unfold in a natural manner.

It doesn’t rush this process which is another HUGE problem I see with men and
women who want their ex back.

They always want to skip from level one to level four.

For this to work you can’t skip ANY level.

You wouldn’t ask someone to marry you after the first date, right?

The same principle applies here. You aren’t going to ask your ex to be official again
until enough attraction has been built and the only way that you can successfully
build attraction is by completing each level and stage one by one.

Speaking of levels and stages, I think it’s about time that we get to talking about our
first level!

23
LEVEL ONE: If there is one certainty in this world it’s the fact that a
lot of the so called “experts” out there have different

THE NO ideas on how to implement the no contact rule.

CONTACT For example, one of the things that I do a few times a

week is I go to Google and check out my competition.
RULE (I don’t like people stealing my precious visitors!)

24
Oftentimes, when I do check out my competition, I find my peers suggesting a super
long No Contact Period (i.e. some in excess of 60 or 90 days.)

My point here is that everyone seems to have their own spin on what is the best way
to implement the No Contact Rule.

So what’s mine?

Well, that’s the funny thing. When I first started in the “Ex Recovery” business, I gen-
erally believed that everyone should strongly consider the No Contact Rule. I recom-
mended a 30 day period. And I advocated you should rarely break that commit-
ment.

I did list a few exceptions in which the No Contact Rule could be interrupted, but
most of those were practical and reasonable.

For example, what if you have a child together? Or what if your Ex shows up at your
doorstep wanting his or her things back or trying to make a plea to forgive him or
her?

So I have weighed into those types of exceptions and still feel my advice in the past
applies.

However, somewhere along the way I started changing my mind on my view on the
no contact rule. I am no longer dead set on you maintaining a strict adherence to
the No Contact Rule in every single situation.

Though, I strongly caution you to be careful with making exceptions and consider
my advice on this topic very carefully. I will be getting into all those details later!

So, all in all, what this amounts to is....

My Early Advice < My Advice Now

Why is my advice better now, than it was a few years ago?

25
First of all, let me just underscore again, that I have not overhauled my advice.
Rather, I have made some modifications. And I have flushed out many more angles
and situations that you should consider.

So it would be fair to say that the treatment I am providing on this subject is much
more comprehensive.

I am more experienced and have seen thousands of situations, so my opinion on

things changed a bit from the early days.

After all, you would expect someone who has been training in a discipline for sev-
eral years to be more sophisticated than when he/she started, wouldn’t you?

I have you to thank for that!

The hundreds of different situations that people have brought to my attention has
forced me to examine everything much more closely and in much greater detail.

So with the purchase of this book, you are getting an even more informed view on
the No Contact Rule and how to apply it.

With several years of experience under my belt and considerable study in this area,
I believe you will find even greater value from my advice.

So, it’s off to the races!

The No Contact Rule: A period of time in which you ignore your Ex, DELIBERATELY,
in an attempt to make them miss you more and ultimately allow them time to erase
any bad feelings they have to- wards you; while simultaneously providing yourself an
avenue to emotionally recover and grow as an individual.

Now, there is a lot to dissect with this definition. I suppose we can take this one step
at a time. Let’s start with “A Period Of Time.”

The No Contact Rule - A period of time in which you ignore your Ex, DELIBER-
ATELY, in an attempt to make them miss you more and ultimately allow them time to

26
erase any bad feelings they have to- wards you; while simultaneously providing your-
self an avenue to emotionally recover and grow as an individual.

How long exactly is this period of time?

Above, I mentioned that I found a few of my peers recommending 60 to 90 day

rules.

But is that ideal?

Is going into a freeze out period for 90 days really ideal?

No, and research supports my view. And I also have considerable practical experi-
ence which informs me!

Let’s start with the science first.

Most people who recommend using no contact for 60 to 90 days fail to take the
“Habit Principle” into account.

THE HABIT PRINCIPLE

How long does it take to break a habit? Let’s ask Google.

27
Wow, 21 days does not seem that long.

But actually...

The Google result is missing something important.

So, contrary to popular belief, it DOES NOT take 21 days to develop a new habit or
routine. It takes about 66 days on average...

Of course, we are talking about averages. It could actually occur sooner (18 days)
or take a much longer period of time (254 days).

Also bear in mind, there are many factors that influence habit forming behavior, rang-
ing from the person’s attitudes, personality type, and the circumstances at play.

But let’s not get lost in all of the minutia. A good benchmark to use is around two
months.

Like I said.... about 66 days!

28
Now, how does this apply to the No Contact Rule?

Good question!

Let’s pretend that your Ex decided that they wanted to get out of the habit of thinking
about you.

Like I said much earlier, given the seductive forces of “attachment theory”, this is not
an easy thing to do. (Oh, don’t worry....we will be talking more about attachment the-
ory!)

But let’s just say, your Ex was determined to put you out of their mind. In other
words, they wanted to completely get over you.

Well, according to scientific research, it would take them, on average, 66 days to get
out of the habit of thinking about you so much.

You want to know what would help this 66 day process along?

IGNORING THEM FOR 60 OR 90 DAYS!

That’s why I don’t like recommending a “No Contact Rule” that exceeds 45 days.

This begs an interesting question.

Is there an exact guideline that you should follow when it comes to the time period of
the No Contact Rule?

Hmm...

What is the best way that I can answer this?

Ok, below I have put together three “No Contact” time frames that you could follow.

1. The 21 Day Period

2. The 30 Day Period

3. The 45 Day Period

29
So which one is perfect for your situation? Well, that really depends on your situa-
tion.

I know that sounds like I am avoiding the question. But the truth is there are many
variables that impact such a matter.

However, I know you guys always want more definitive answers, so here is all I will
say when it comes to choosing a time frame to embark on.

The 21 Day Rule = Usually effective for situations where the breakup ended on rea-
sonably good terms and you feel your healing process won’t be too difficult. (more
on that later).

The 30 Day Rule = Good for situations where the breakup wasn’t well received by
either party or other people (i.e. a new boyfriend or girlfriend) are involved. You feel
damaged and some work is needed to help you regain your confidence and self es-
teem.

The 45 Day Rule = Probably a good time period if the relationship is reeling from a
cheating episode, betrayal, or serious lying. Considerable personal recovery is
needed.

Let’s move on to the next element of our definition.

The No Contact Rule - A period of time where you ignore your Ex, DELIBERATELY,
in an attempt to make them miss you more and ultimately allow them time to erase
any bad feelings they have to- wards you; while simultaneously providing yourself an
avenue to emotionally recover and grow as an individual

Ignoring...

You get that concept, right?

Your Ex contacts you wanting to talk. You politely tell them that you wish not to com-
municate. You need time for yourself.

Simple, right?

30
Well, not so fast!

In the past, I said numerous times that you should not communicate with your Ex.

Exceptions to this rule were very rare.

Well, I have softened my views on this point.

You should not communicate with your Ex so long as it’s reasonably possible, unless
you run into CERTAIN exceptions which I will talk about now.

THE SEVEN EXCEPTIONS

One of the biggest problems with my advice in the early days of my ex recovery jour-
ney was the fact that I wasn’t flexible enough.

I was so dead-set on the fact that you couldn’t break the no contact rule for anything
that I advised quite a few people the wrong way and may have ruined their situa-
tions.

For example, if you are in the no contact rule and your ex texts you this,

Should you break the no contact rule?

YES, absolutely!

31
But according to my old advice you couldn’t break the no contact rule for even this.

That is flawed logic and it’s something that I don’t agree with anymore.

That’s why I put together these seven factors that you absolutely have to consider
before breaking the no contact rule early.

Let’s talk about the factors for a second,

1. How long were you in the relationship?

2. How many Days have passed since you started the No Contact Period?

3. What is the Couple’s Track Record with “Break-ups”?

4. Where are you in your own Personal Recovery?

5. What was the Cause of the Break Up (i.e. cheating involved, how serious was it,
etc)

6. Who initiated the Break up?

7. How many Positive Communications have your received from your Ex?

FACTOR ONE: How Long Were You In The Relationship For?

This can be a useful data point because if you have been involved with your Ex for a
lengthy period of time, then this history between the two of you should give you
some valuable insight as to how to approach this situation.

If the history reveals a relationship plagued with many conflicts and multiple break-
ups, then you should take note of this pattern. It is probably telling you something.
You may benefit more from staying on course with your No Contact strategy.

Then we have the situation in which the relationship was only weeks or a few months
in duration.

Relatively speaking, that is not a very long time to build a solid foundation.

32
Breaking up after such a short time, suggests that something is not working out for
one or both partners. In such a situation, making an exception and ending your No
Contact is probably not a good idea.

Maybe things will work out.

Maybe not.

But I would think long and hard before breaking off the No Contact.

FACTOR TWO: How Many Days Have Passed Since You Started No Contact?

If you hear from your ex on day 5 of your No Contact Period, it may be too early to
make an exception and break no contact.

While not a “deal breaker”, since all of these data points need to be considered as a
whole, you should know that your Ex reaching out to you so soon may be more to do
with his “rebound emotions”.

You both may need more time to sort things out on your own, before you try to do it
together.

Now on the other hand, if your Ex reaches out to you on day 26 of a 30 day No Con-
tact Period, I would be inclined to recommend that you consider ending “No Con-
tact” and exploring what is on their mind.

Unless, of course, your Ex was spewing some nasty venom.

FACTOR THREE: What Is Your Track Record With Breakups?

If you guys have had multiple breakups in the past, then it probably is not in your
best interest to make an exception.

The on again, off again relationship cycle is not healthy.

Where on the other hand, if this is your very first breakup, that bodes well for your fu-
ture.

33
Maybe you can cut short your No Contact Period on the strength of this factor and
other data points.

FACTOR FOUR: Where Are You In Your Own Personal Recovery

Are you truly ready to talk to your ex again?

How much time has gone by since you last spoke?

How far along are you in your No Contact Period?

The more time that has gone by, the better, because it takes TIME to heal.

Have you been able to set aside the angry and resentful feelings you may have had
following the breakup?

Do you feel you have progressed emotionally in other ways?

Are your drawing closer to becoming the best version of yourself?

Can you honestly say you have learned something meaningful about yourself?

These are the kind of things you need to think about. The last thing you want is to try
to re-enter your relationship when your wounds have not healed.

FACTOR FIVE: What Caused The Breakup?

If your ex cheated on you, then I am not an advocate of ending the No Contact Pe-
riod early. Not unless all of the other Data Points are strongly and positively in place.

When weighing whether an exception should be made, one really needs to put a lot
of weight on what caused the breakup.

Ask yourself, how severe and ugly was the ending of the relationship?

The more severe, the longer one should stay with No Contact. Breakups can be dam-
aging and both parties need to time heal.

All breakups hurt a heck of a lot, no matter the degree of severity.

34
But it is usually easier to spring back from breakups if they did not cause consider-
able spite, anger, and hate.

FACTOR SIX: Who Initiated The Breakup?

The forces of “personal power” play a role during and after the relationship.

If you initiated the breakup, you have more personal power, at least on this matter.

But be careful with power.

It can go straight to your head in a matter of speaking and you may not be thinking
with the right side of your brain.

If you are feeling really cocky and confident about this new development of your ex
reaching out to you, you may not be in the right place “emotionally” to properly
gauge your situation.

Now, if your ex initiated the breakup and is now reaching out, you still need to weigh
things carefully. On its surface, it may appear that the balance of personal power
has swayed to your favor. Perhaps, your ex realizes they made a mistake.

Just tread carefully

THE GOLDEN FACTOR: How Many Times Has Your Ex Contacted You In A Posi-
tive Manner?

I saved the best and most important data point, for last! This is why I call it the
Golden Factor.

What you should be looking for are multiple positive messages sent by your ex to
you. One attempt to communicate, even if it’s made in a most positive way, is usually
not enough, particularly if the other data points are not favorable.

When an ex reaches out to you and tells you something really nice and pleasant,
that demonstrates good faith. If it is repeated, that shows the person probably really
cares. If you receive a few more “reach outs,” that demonstrates a persistence.

35
As long as those messages sent to you have a positive energy, that bodes well for
you.

Now if you get bombarded with negative message after negative message, to a
point where it seems the ex is obsessing....well, that is not a good thing. If that hap-
pens, I would suggest you ignore those many obsessive contacts.

Positive contact can come in multiple forms.

It could be text messages. It could be emails. It could be phone messages. It could

be old fashioned letters. It could be a message in a bottle. It could be a bouquet of
flowers or a gift with a card.

The main thing is that such messages need to number more than one.

They need to be positive,friendly and respectful. And they need to occur within a
brief period of time (e.g. over a few days, perhaps over a week).

What if they show up at your door?

Don’t fall for it the first time around. Remember, we aren’t looking for one positive
“reach out” we are looking for MULTIPLE!

And that leads me to my next point.

THE RULE OF FOUR

Please don’t take this the wrong way but I don’t trust you.

I have been doing this for far too long to just expect you to follow my every word
blindly.

I know that if I give you any bit of slack when it comes to the no contact rule you are
going to abuse it.

It’s kind of like if you put a jar of cookies in front of a child and said,

36
“Whatever you do, you can’t eat any cookie in this jar.”

Well, what do you think the child does?

They eat the cookies.

The same thing applies here.

Now that I have told you that you can break the no contact rule early I know that
there are going to be a lot of women out there actively looking for a reason to break
it early.

In other words, they are going to be trying to eat the cookies!

That’s why I put a failsafe into play to prevent that from happening.

I like to call it,

“The Rule Of Four”

So, what is this rule of four?

Easy, in the last section I talked about the seven factors that you have to consider be-
fore breaking the no contact rule prematurely.

Those factors were,

1. The Length Of The Relationship

2. How Long You Have Been In NC For

3. If This Was Your First Breakup

4. Where You Are In Your Personal Recovery

5. What Caused The Breakup

6. Who Initiated The Breakup

7. THE GOLDEN FACTOR!

37
What if I were to tell you that in order for you to break the no contact rule early you
had to have obtained a bare minimum of four of these factors and the golden factor
is non-negotiable.

In other words, the golden factor has to absolutely be one of the factors that counts
towards the four.

I will give you an example.

I would be able to end my no contact rule early if,

1. My ex and I dated for a year (Factor One)

2. I have been in NC for about 18 days (Factor Two)

3. This was my very first breakup with this person (Factor Three)

4. My ex contacted me in a positive manner multiple times throughout the no con-

tact rule (The Golden Factor)

Do you see how that works?

You need a minimum of four factors and one of the factors has to be the golden rule.
Only then are you allowed to break the no contact rule.

Ok, lets move on and talk about the REAL purpose of the No Contact Rule.

THE REAL PURPOSE OF THE NO

CONTACT RULE
If you recall, before I went off on a tangent, we were in the middle of defining the no
contact rule using this definition,

The No Contact Rule - A period of time where you ignore your Ex, DELIBERATELY,
in an attempt to make them miss you more and ultimately allow them time to erase

38
any bad feelings they have to- wards you; while simultaneously providing yourself an
avenue to emotionally recover and grow as an individual

And next up we were about to dissect this part of it,

The No Contact Rule - A period of time where you ignore your Ex, DELIBERATELY, in
an attempt to make them miss you more and ultimately allow them time to
erase any bad feelings they have towards you; while simultaneously providing
yourself an avenue to emotionally recover and grow as an individual.

In my view, this is the long pole in the tent.

If you cannot take the necessary time and action to recover and heal, then you will
be in a less advantaged position to reunite with your Ex.

And just perhaps, during this recovery time, you may decide you do not even wish
to pursue any future relationship with your Ex.

When you get to my Chapter that deals with Recovery Strategies, please read every
word!

Your goal should be to detach from your Ex, then become the best version of your
HAPPY self.

So ultimately the No Contact Rule serves three main purposes.

Yes... you read that correctly, THREE PURPOSES.

Let’s begin with the first one!

PURPOSE ONE: TO MAKE THEM

MISS YOU
Have you ever heard the phrase,

Absence makes the heart grow fonder?

39
Well, the No Contact Rule definitely plays into that type of thinking.

The belief is that if you utilize the No Contact Rule (NC) on your Ex, you will let
enough time go by such that they miss you and ultimately will want to reach out to
you.

Sounds too good to be true, don’t you think? Well, for most people who implement
NC, it is.

Sure, every once in awhile all it takes to get an Ex back is to complete your No Con-
tact Period, but even I will admit that a rare occurrence.

There is a lot more one should be doing during and after No Contact.

And by the way, just getting through 21 or 30 days of No Contact is no easy under-
taking.

But I am getting off topic here.

What you need to know for now is that the No Contact Rule can contribute to an Ex
missing their lover.

Will it make an Ex come back for good, just by doing this one thing?

That’s obviously your hope, but I want you to understand that it’s rare.

So don’t get your hopes up too high.

Thought I will say that it definitely sets you up in a position where you have a good
chance of success. After all, you can’t miss what you see every day.

OR We Could Say.....

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder,”......”Growth from love comes from a place
of absence”,.......”How anxious I yearn for those I forsake”,.......”Missing someone
broadens the feelings shared”.

Ok, enough of that! You get the picture!

40
Let’s move on to the next purpose of No Contact.

PURPOSE TWO: ALLOW YOUR EX TO

ERASE ANY BAD FEELINGS THEY HAVE
TOWARDS YOU
In all my time of dealing with breakups, there is one thing that is certain.

Breakups cause people to get pissed beyond belief.

The heartache and pain you feel by going through a breakup can be immense.

In fact, it’s so immense, it has caused some people descend to very dark places.

My point is that going through a breakup tends to bring out the worst in people and
this same principle probably applies to your Ex.

Particularly in those very early days following the breakup.

Let’s pretend that we could grade your Ex’s anger or bad feelings for you on a 1 - 10
scale.

With 1 being not very angry and 10 being so angry they would have no problem
breaking every precious item you owned.

Ok, maybe that’s too graphic.

Maybe they don’t break everything, but they might imagine it happening in their
mind.

Immediately after a breakup is when your Ex is probably going to be the most emo-
tional. So let’s assign that a very high ranking. Maybe a 9 or 10.

But let’s say that a month passes and their anger and resentment has subsided
quite a bit to the 5 or 6 category.

41
Another month goes by and their bad feelings have largely dissipated.

Now we are in the 3-4 range or lower.

Basically, as more time goes by, anger and resentment becomes less. So, in case
you missed all of that:

Immediately After A Breakup = 9-10 (Very Bad Feelings)

A Month After The Breakup = 5-6 (Moderately Bad Feelings)

Two Months After A Breakup = 3-4 (Improved Feelings)

Now, I will give you an example of this phenomenon from my own life.

My very first breakup was HORRIBLE!

I said things...

She said things...

I yelled...

She yelled...

You get the picture.

Anyway, in that moment immediately following the breakup, I was pretty upset. So, I
would have definitely been a 10 on the bad feelings scale.

Such are the ways of young love. I admit, I lacked maturity. And so did she.

At the time I did not realize it. But the experience, as horrible as it felt at the time,
was a growth experience. I learned a great deal about myself and about how to
cope with disappointment.

I started noticing that slowly and surely as time went on, I began to feel better and
better about the breakup.

42
You see, at a 10 on the bad feelings scale, you couldn’t even talk to me without me
going into a red hot rage.

When emotions runs high, logic and control runs low.

But a few months after the breakup... I wasn’t like that anymore. I was calm... cool
and collected.

Time heals all wounds after all...

Well, almost all wounds!

And so does the No Contact Rule.

Think about it. By purposefully ignoring your Ex, you are essentially forcing your Ex
(and yourself) to experience their own “healing time”.

Let’s hope they use their time as wisely as you will!

And like I teach on my websites....

It’s easier getting an Ex back, when they are in a happy place (post NC), as op-
posed to an angry place (following the breakup).

Let’s move on and talk about purpose number three!

PURPOSE THREE: TO GIVE YOURSELF

TIME TO RECOVER AND GROW
Hey, you didn’t think that your Ex was the only one who could benefit from having
some time away from their lover, did you?

While you are allowing your Ex's pent up, negative emotions to play out, you will also
be providing yourself with an opportunity to recover.

Why is that important?

43
I always tell my clients to approach getting an ex back from a logical mindset, as op-
posed to an emotional one.

Why?

Because oftentimes, to take the steps necessary to win an Ex back, you have to be
willing to do some things that will make you step outside of your comfort zone.

These things will be hard to accomplish at first, particularly if you are possessed by
a highly emotional mindset.

But imagine if you have made progress with your recovery.

Well, your chances became that much higher. As you draw closer to becoming the
best version of “Yourself”, you become a happier person. You can become a more
desirable person.

Don’t forget.... your Ex probably won’t come back just because you want them too.
Their motivation is aroused often due to another reason.

Sometimes they come back when they fear they can’t have you.

STORY TIME!

A few months ago, I started a podcast where I encouraged my readers to ask me

questions about their particular situations. One of the questions that I received has
always stuck with me.

It was from a woman whose question went something like this:

“I dated a guy and we broke up about a year ago. Since that year, my business has
taken off. I have changed my look completely and I am like a totally different person.
Of course, when I tried to get him back, none of this had happened. Do you think
that getting over an ex is a way to get them back?”

Now, I bet you're wondering why this particular question stuck with me. It’s because,
time and time again, I see this trend.....

44
A person tries to get their Ex back after the breakup and fails. However, when they
moved on and get over the breakup and do some self improvement, all of a sudden,
their Ex is back in the picture.

Why is that?

Well, I’d like to introduce you to a little principle called,

PSYCHOLOGICAL REACTANCE
“People want what they can’t have”.

People want “that” which they feel should belong to them. By taking something away
from them (e.g. you make yourself unavailable by not communicating), the person
will be motivated to pursue.

In the world of psychology, it’s called “Psychological Reactance”. This concept

emerged from the work of the American psychologist, Jack Brehm in 1966.

“Brehm argues that individuals have a set of “free behaviors” that they believe they
can engage in at present or some time in the future. Behavioral freedoms vary in im-
portance, with some being highly important because they deal with critical survival.
Stephen Worchel (2004) suggested that these free- doms help define the individual’s
self-identity. A threat or elimination of freedom results in an increase of attractiveness
of the forbidden act and the motivation to engage in that behavior.”
http://www.encyclopedia.com/doc/1G2-3045302191.html

In really simple terms, when you implement a No Contact Strategy, it’s like you are se-
cretly saying, “You can’t have me. You can’t talk to me. I am depriving you of your
freedom to be with me”.

With psychological reactance in play, your Ex is secretly thinking, “I want what you
say I can’t have. It should belong to me and is part of me, so I will pursue it”

I guess I can give you another example of this principle using my own personal life!

45
Last year for Christmas, my wife got me an amazing christmas present. She got me
a surround sound system for my TV.

Unfortunately her gift was a little too nice, because my TV was outdated and the
sound system wasn’t compatible.

But the gift she got me was too nice to go unused, so I decided to treat myself to a
new TV.

A BIG TV.

A 65 inch television to be exact :) . I thought, “yea”, that size should suit me fine!

I figured I would love my new TV and my surround sound system. And I do!

But every time I find myself in a Best Buy, I can’t help but wander back over to the
TV section and admire the big 78 inch high definition screens.

My mind would start working on me. I wanted that even bigger television. Why?

It’s probably because I don’t have it.

I know on a deep level that I am not supposed to have it!

But that didn’t stop me from wanting to have it.

And the same principle can apply here with your Ex. Because after all, what we are
talking about here is behavior and attraction.

By using the No Contact Rule to heal yourself, you can become more attractive to
your Ex, partly because you are less available.

Humans have this weird ability to sense when someone is over them and I am bet-
ting, that you ex is not over you.

And as we all know...

Humans want what they can’t have.

46
 What I’d really like to focus on now is actually purpose
STAGE ONE:
three that I talked about a few sections ago.

THE Now, if you recall the third purpose of the no contact rule
GATSBY was,

METHOD “To Give Yourself Time To Grow and Recover”

I am going to teach you a mindset that you need to have if

you want to drastically increase your chances of getting
your ex back.

Some of you may already have this mindset but if I was a

betting man I would say that most of you don’t.

This mindset is....

The Gatsby Method!

47
Have you ever read “The Great Gatsby” by F. Scott Fitzgerald?

Ever seen the movie with Leonardo DiCaprio?

(Side Note: I promise you if you didn’t like the book or the movie you will still find this
really interesting.)

Ok, in the book and the movie there is a character named Jay Gatsby (The Great
Gatsby) who is madly in love with a woman named Daisy. 



Now, the book was actually written in 1925 and it was also set in that time period.
During that time social status mattered a lot. In other words, someone who was
clearly rich would either be looked down upon or even flat out forbidden to marry
someone who was poor.

In the story, when Gatsby first meets Daisy he is struck by her beauty, innocence
and wealth. One thing that we know right off the bat here is that Daisy is clearly up-
per class and from a very rich family.

This is a problem for Gatsby since he is from poverty. So, understanding that Daisy
is going to turn him down if she finds this out Gatsby decides to lie to her about his
own “status.” Now, Gatsby and Daisy are clearly attracted to one another but Gatsby
has enlisted to go to war.

This means that they really can’t get married because when Gatsby will come back
from the war is unknown.

So, in an effort to show their devotion to each other Daisy and Gatsby make a prom-
ise, that they will wait for one another.

Unfortunately, it’s a promise that she doesn’t keep as she marries another after he
goes off to war.

Here is where things get interesting though.

48
Gatsby, who clearly understands that he needs to improve his position to win a girl
like Daisy, begins doing things after the war to acquire the wealth he needs to gain
the same type of social and financial status to re-attract Daisy.

Of course, what he does to acquire that wealth is an entirely different story.

What I would like to look at here is the actual idea he had of improving his position.

Gatsby knew what he had to do in order to get Daisy, amass a fortune.

Well, when it comes to your ex you need to amass your own personal fortune. This is
the essence of the “Gatsby Method.”

During the no contact period you can employ the GM (Gatsby Method) to slowly but
surely improve your position and appear more attractive to your ex.

Now, I suppose the question you are having right now is,

“Wait, what is this fortune? Are you talking about money? Are you saying that I have
to be rich to win my ex back?”

No, your personal fortune can be anything.

It can be money...

It can be a car...

It can be a certain set of clothes...

It can be fitness...

It can be friendship...

Basically what I am trying to say is that it’s unique to you. The important part of this
“fortune” is that it’s something you are currently lacking.

Let’s do an exercise.

I want you to close your eyes and imagine something for me.

49
Imagine your perfect self.

What would YOU look like if you became the very best version of yourself?

What would you have?

Who would be in your life?

What would your personality be like?

Do you have that vision?

Well, once you have it I want you to take a good hard look at yourself right now.

What are you lacking right that’s preventing you from becoming that perfect version
of yourself?

Hmm... Maybe this would work better if I used myself as an example.

Ok, I want you to take a look at the graphic below,

PERFECT VERSION OF ME

CLOSE
IN GREAT FINANCIAL PROXIMITY
SHAPE FREEDOM TO FAMILY

GREAT TIME MORE MAKE MORE

MANAGEMENT OPTIMISTIC FRIENDS

50
This is my wish list to the universe at this point in my life.

If I could obtain all of these things I will feel like I have obtained a fortune. But that’s
besides the point.

If I were to become all of these things I would truly feel like I am at my best. And
when I feel I am at my best I feel like nothing can stop me.

Therefore, if I were to employ the Gatsby Effect to obtain all of these things then
every action I take should create some type of progress within the categories I have
listed.

Now, I want you to keep this graphic in mind because it’s going to be important in
stage two of the no contact rule,

The Holy Trinity!

51
 The most important aspects of your life can be divided into
STAGE TWO:
three categories.

THE HOLY These three categories make up what I like to call, the holy
TRINITY trinity.

(I promise this isn’t biblical or anything like that.)

Those three aspects of your life are,

1. Health

2. Wealth

3. Relationships

Now, with the Gatsby Method I talked a lot about obtaining

your own personal fortune and that’s what the holy trinity is
going to help you do.

Take the example I gave of myself in the last section,

52
 PERFECT VERSION OF ME

If you recall I stated that if I were to obtain all of these things I would feel that I would
have achieved my perfect self.

Which coincidentally is what you are going to be doing with your time during the no
contact rule.

Did you know that all six of the things I have listed above can be put into the three
categories of the holy trinity?

But maybe I am getting too far ahead of myself here. First things first, let’s talk about
each one of these categories individually.

HEALTH
This refers to things like your overall health and how good of shape you are in.

53
So, lets say that this area of your life is out of balance. This could mean a lot of
things. Maybe you are a chronic smoker and get lung cancer. Perhaps you are con-
sidered to be obese. Maybe you have an acne problem and it causes issues with
your confidence.

The point is that if this area of your life is out of balance most exes won’t find you at-
tractive.

Don’t believe me?

Ok, try this on for size.

Imagine for a moment that you smoke and are really obese. If I were to put you side
by side with someone who doesn’t smoke and who isn’t obese and gave the aver-
age person a choice between the two of you which one do you think the average
person would choose?

Food for thought?

But let’s not get too off topic here.

We are building a fortune, after all.

So, which aspects of my “fantasy fortune” fall into the health category?

These,

The “getting in great shape” is pretty self explanatory.

But “being more optimistic?”

54
How does that fit into the health category?

Well, believe it or not but mental health also counts as being a part of “health” and
that’s what I would classify being more optimistic as.

It’s a mental mindset.

Let’s move on to wealth.

WEALTH
This one is pretty self explanatory.

How rich are you?

What kind of job do you have?

Do you have any goals for your future?

What kind of car do you drive?

Do you have “status?”

All of this stuff is included in the “wealth” portion of the holy trinity.

It’s interesting, I was actually watching a documentary on Netflix the other day called
“The Science of Sex Appeal.”

In that documentary they performed a very interesting experiment. They took about
ten men and got a bunch of women to rate their attractiveness on a 1-10 scale.

The point of the experiment is to see how much a job title or having a certain
“status” mattered to the average person. Each of the men who were rated were
given an imaginary job title and salary figure. That information was placed on a
piece of paper with their picture.

The actual experiment then took place on the street where random women were sur-
veyed and asked to rate the men in the pictures.

55
The experimenters took the man who was rated as the worst looking “in the lab” and
assigned him a high power job and a very high yearly salary.

Suddenly a “4” turned into a “10.”

Then the experimenters decided to take the man who was rated as the best looking
“in the lab” and assigned him with a bad job and a very low yearly salary.

The man who was originally an “8” suddenly turned into a “4” just because of this
low job title.

So, your job title and status definitely matters to people. Now, I am not saying that all
you need to do to get your ex back is to get a super high paying job. No, there is a
lot more to re-attracting a human being than that.

I am just pointing out that this stuff matters. Besides, something tells me that you are
going to have a lot more confidence walking into a room if you were making six fig-
ures a year as opposed to something lower.

And you will notice that when it comes to my own personal fortune financial things
turn up a lot,

Here is my dream.

I want to live the rest of my life never having to worry about bills or not having
enough money.

Wouldn’t that be nice?

56
To be able to live life without any type of financial worry.

That’s true freedom in my opinion.

I mean, they say that one of the top reasons that couples fight is over money. I never
want to have to worry about that.

Now, the financial freedom aspect fits into the wealth category pretty easily but why
the hell did I put “time management” here as well.

Truth be told, I used to have incredible time management.

I used to have a very productive schedule.

• I would wake up and work for about 3 to 4 hours.

• I would break for lunch

• I would then work for another 2 hours

• Then I would go workout for 2 to 3 hours (depending on how I was feeling)

• After that I would just goof off for the rest of the day and if I really felt like I was in a
great mood to work I would work some more.

But that all changed overnight when I had this little one,

57
Don’t let her fool you.

She’s cute... yes.

But this cute baby wouldn’t sleep for four months.

She becomes a lot less cute when she is screaming in your face at 4 A.M. in the
morning.

In fact, before my wife and I had her I had never pulled an “all-nighter” before.

But I ended up doing it three times while watching over her.

As first time parents my wife and I didn’t know what the hell we were doing.

And when I say “my wife and I” I really mean ME...

I don’t know what the hell to do.

There is literally no schedule with this little one.

Hell, I think I even went a whole month without working at all. I just stayed up all
night long to watch over her so my wife could get sleep.

I would feel guilty getting all this nice sleep while my wife couldn’t get any.

The whole experience left me really discombobulated.

I didn’t really have a schedule.

But slowly and surely she started sleeping more at night.

And I started getting back to a schedule.

There are still breaks in it but it’s become more like a normal person.

Here’s my point.

Without a productive schedule I couldn’t work to make any money for my family
something that is very important to our survival.

58
That’s why I put time management under the wealth category.

But let’s move on to the final pillar of the holy trinity.

RELATIONSHIPS
Your relationships suck right now...

How do I know that they suck?

Well, something must be out of sorts if you are reading a book like this (no offense.)

Now, when I say “relationships” what do you think I am talking about?

Am I only talking about potential sexual partners? No, your relationships extend be-
yond that. It can include things like,

• Family

• Friends

• Business Relationships

• Etc.

Of course, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that when I talk about relationships in
this book I am referring to the relationships with your potential sexual partners (your
ex.)

Here is an interesting question thought,

What do you think happens when your love life begins to suffer but the rest of the as-
pects of your life are pretty good ( physical and wealth?)

If this happens that will usually mean that your mental health is going to be compro-
mised. In other words, you are going to get really depressed and stare into space
for long periods of time.

59
I guess the point of me telling you this is that all three of these areas of your life inter-
sect with each other

They are interconnected.

What happens to one affects the other.

And I already gave you an example of that when I talked about time management in
the last section.

I guess I will dive deeper because this really highlights everything I am talking about
here.

When my daughter Lilly was born I felt extreme guilt.

For about a month I would stay up to about 2:30 AM to help my wife with her but af-
ter that I went straight to bed.

I would get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

And when I would wake up I could see it in my wife’s face...

She was tired.

But I couldn’t help her... I had to work.

Eventually it got to the point where I felt so guilty that I ended up doing something
very difficult. I decided I would rework my schedule completely so she could get the
type of uninterrupted sleep that I was getting.

She would watch the baby during the day and I would watch the baby all night long
for her.

And by all night... I mean all night.

Now, most of you are probably wondering why we didn’t just try to sleep together at
the same time in the same room with the baby next to us.

We tried it...

60
The only time the baby would ever sleep is if someone was holding her.

I know it sounds ridiculous but it’s the truth.

AND BELIEVE ME...

We tried it all.

Everything everyone recommended.

The only damn thing that worked was holding her.

So, that’s what we did.

For about 3 months we held her so she could sleep until we could slowly transition
her to sleeping by herself.

But I am getting off topic here.

A very interesting thing started happening when I would watch the baby all night
long (AKA hold the baby all night long.)

I found that I wasn’t able to work...

Thus, I felt really bad about myself and worried constantly about my families safety.
So, to compensate for this worry I did the only thing that I could to make me feel bet-
ter.

I ate...

When I was off daddy duty I would go down to McDonalds and eat very very very
very very BAD (good) food.

Ya, I gained about 15lbs in a month.

Which of course, made me more depressed and I felt as a result my relationship with
my wife suffered.

I have always prided myself on being in great shape and I was always pretty confi-
dent with the way I looked but I wasn’t anymore.

61
I felt weak and fat.

Luckily, my wife and I came up with a new schedule that is good for both of us and I
ended up losing the weight very fast when I was able to actually work out again but
that’s besides the point.

I want you to study what happened to me.

So, what exactly happened?

Well, the wealth aspect of my holy trinity took a huge hit when I wasn’t able to work.
As a result, this negatively impacted the health aspect.

How?

Well, my mental health was compromised when I worried about my families financial
safety.

And my own physical health was compromised when I gained 15 lbs.

The next thing to take a hit was my relationship with my wife. Since I was low on con-
fidence I wasn’t exactly the most attractive to her.

So, as you can see.

What negatively impacts one aspect of the holy trinity can negatively impact the
other aspects.

Of course, if that’s true then the inverse is true as well.

What positively impacts an aspect of the holy trinity can bleed into the other as-
pects.

62
LEVEL TWO: And on we move to level two.

Just to make sure that we are on the same page level

TEXTING two of my strategy for getting an ex back encom-

YOUR passes the following,

EX

Now, if you are a little confused as to how this all ties

together and exactly what texts to send I am going to

63
have to ask you to be patient. I am going to be covering that in a very in-depth man-
ner when we get to part two of this book,

“The Mock “Get Your Ex Back” Campaign”

But, for now, you have to learn to crawl before you can walk.

You see, if you are looking for actual texts that you can send to your ex during the
texting phase of this process I suggest you skip ahead to part two of this book or
pick up, The Texting Bible.

Those mediums include the technical aspects that you are looking for.

Right now I am more interested in explaining the why instead of the how.

In other words, I want to teach you why we are going to be doing the things that we
are going to do.

Oh, and I think you already know this but you cannot move on to to level two (tex-
ting) until you have completed,

• Level One (including stages one and two of level one.)

Ok, let’s just get right to it.

The first thing that I want to talk to you about with texting is the four different types of
responses that you can get from your ex assuming you have texted them.

You ready?

Let’s get to the nitty gritty!

.....

.....

.....

Was that lame to say? Oh whatever!

64
THE FOUR CATEGORIES
Before I can teach you about all the text messages that you are going to send to
your ex, we need to cover a few of the basics.

I suppose we will start with the most basic of concepts.

There are four kinds of text messages that you are going to be dealing with through-
out the texting process.

It sounds crazy, right?

Well, as it turns out there are really four key categories that every text message sent
or received usually falls into.

Those four categories are,

1. Positive

2. Neutral

3. Negative

4. No Response

POSITIVE RESPONSE
I want you to imagine that you are texting your ex and you send them a text mes-
sage.

Let’s start with something pretty simple like,

65
Now, lets pretend that after you send this text message to your ex they respond
pretty positively to you:

This text is pretty self explanatory.

You text your ex and they respond with a message that is clearly positive.

It is happy, upbeat and might even make you smile.

66
Messages like this are pretty much the holy grail when you are dealing with your ex.

Think of it like this.

Every single time you get a positive response to a text message, you are slowly inch-
ing closer to your goal of getting your ex back.

What To Do If You Get A Positive Response

This one is pretty simple.

You can either advance the conversation or end the conversation.

Generally, I am a fan of advancing the conversation.

The only exception is when you are sending your first text after the No Contact Pe-
riod is over. I will talk about the No Contact Rule later in this book.

Let’s move on to the next category.

NEUTRAL RESPONSE
The neutral category is pretty self explanatory.

You send a text message to your ex and instead of them responding positively, they
respond in a neutral type of way.

I realize that it is a little hard to explain, so I think it would be best if I just showed
you.

Let’s pretend that you send the same type of “hey” text that you sent in the example
in the positive category above.

67
Do you notice how your ex responded with a very neutral “hey?”

Any type of response that can be perceived as a bit boring and uninspired, is proba-
bly going to be in the neutral category.

What To Do If You Get A Neutral Response

The challenge that you are going to face is that you are going to have to decipher if
the message you got was a neutral response or just a fake neutral response.

I want you to imagine something for a moment.


Let’s say that you and your ex are texting pretty frequently.

The two of you are responding at a pretty good clip (meaning both of you are re-
sponding to one another.)

I think in this case, when your ex has already proven that they are responding to you
in a frequent manner, you don’t have to pay as much attention to neutral responses if
they are in the middle of a texting conversation.

However, when you are starting a conversation and you get a neutral response, then
you need to pay attention because that means you probably shouldn’t engage your
ex for a while.

68
Let some time pass before you initiate contact again. How much time?

Well, generally I would say 2-24 hours.

THE NEGATIVE RESPONSE

The negative category sucks.

There is no way around that fact. If you get a negative text message from your Ex, it
could be for any number of reasons Far too many to detail here. But it’s clear your Ex
is not ready to have a pleasant conversation.

What does a text from the negative category look like?

Ouch!

If you are getting a response like that from your ex, then you have some serious
work to do.

In my experience, negative responses (when dealing with exes) usually always re-
volve around how bad the breakup was. Though, it is also true some people are just
not nice people, irrespective of the reasons for the break up.

69
Generally, the worse the breakup, the worse the responses tend to be. What consti-
tutes a bad breakup?

If there was a lot of yelling, name calling, things thrown and mental warfare from
both sides, then I think you had yourself a pretty, bad breakup.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response

Have you ever heard that quote.

Time heals all wounds?

Well, we are going to really put that into practice here.

The mistake I see most people make is that they are unable to remain classy when
they get a negative response. Hey, this is the Texting Bible. Just turn the other
cheek! Don’t fall into the escalation trap.

I am not making judgements here at all. I totally get what you are feeling when you
get a negative response. It’s painful. It really hurts.

Nevertheless, this is a time to let your class speak for itself. If you do get a negative
response, apologize for the inconvenience you caused and then do not text back.

You end up taking the high road and just perhaps they will start forming a little guilt
for their behavior.

Don’t worry, you will eventually text your Ex again, but it is going to have to be later
down the road when their emotions have settled in a bit.

Lets move on to the final texting category that you can find yourself in... the No Re-
sponse

70
THE NO RESPONSE
In my opinion, while not necessarily a terrible thing, it could be pointing at a serious,
breakdown in communication.

Now, “no response” is pretty self explanatory.

It basically means that you sent a text message and your ex doesn’t respond to it.

As I said, this could be a bad sign. But a lot depends on where you are in the rela-
tionship. Are you just coming off the No Contact period? Or, are you just trying to
chat it up a bit with an Ex who has come back into your life.

What I would like to talk about now are the different degrees of “no response.”

In my opinion, there are two likely scenarios for why you got no response. Let’s start
with the most positive outlook when it comes to NR (no response.)

Imagine for a moment that you and your ex are having a texting conversation.

Let’s say that the two of you text for about 2 hours.

After two hours you send a text message and they don’t respond to it. Technically,
this is a “no response” type of outcome.

However, do you think in this case it would be negative?

I mean, you did text them for two hours.

In all honesty, that is pretty good.

I think in this particular case, a NR isn’t all that horrible. It’s not ideal. Usually, YOU
should end the conversation first, but we can survive with this.

What you really need to watch out for is the NR when you are initially reaching out to
start a conversation.

That would look like this:

71
Having this happen to you is probably the worst type of outcome if days have gone
by without a response. Let’s take a look at how you are supposed to deal with it.

What To Do If You Get No Response

If you don’t get a response when you initially reach out, don’t panic. Most people
think that the world is ending.

Trust me when I say it’s not.

Heck, look outside the window right now if you need re-assurance. Not getting a re-
sponse sucks, but it can also tell you two things.

That your ex needs more time before they can talk to you. So, give them that time.

You may need to come up with a more compelling text message. Like
really...sending them a “Hey” message as your initial first contact message is pretty
lame!

Ok, now that we have some of the basics of text messaging categories down, let’s
move on to some of the more advanced stuff.

72
RESPONSE TIME
It’s funny, I don’t hear many of the other “ex back” experts out there talking about
this, but I think it’s super important.

I mean, most of the people out there that talk about texting an ex just focus on what
text messages to send. But the truth is that you are only understanding half of the
situation if you do that.

In order to get the full picture, you need to look at how long it takes an ex to respond
to your texts.

That’s what I am going to be teaching you in this section.


Now, before I really get started here, I do want to say that not everything I say in this
section will hold true to you.

Look, your ex is a human being and human beings are notoriously hard to predict.
What I will be talking about in this section should give you insight into your ex, but in
the end every single person reading this will be in a different position because every
relationship out there is unique. And what is discussed in this section is a generaliza-
tion.

So, it is best to look at the information here as a “guideline”, rather than a set rule.

Consider yourself warned.

The Basics Of Response Time

It is best to look at response time as a gauge of how interested the other party is in
what you are saying.

For example, if I was texting a girl and I responded to her texts every few hours, you
can assume that I am not very interested in what she is saying.

However, if I was texting a girl that I was very interested in and I responded to her
texts every few minutes, then I am definitely engaged in what she is saying.

73
Deep down you know this isn’t anything new. Pretty much everyone on planet earth
with a cell phone knows this.

But what about when you apply this knowledge to your ex? Well, then things tend to
get more complicated.

Since you and your ex dated, we can assume that at one point you were their top pri-
ority when it came to texting.

Sure, they may have texted their friends a lot, but during the high point of your rela-
tionship you were probably priority number one to them.

Immediately after a breakup do you think you are still a top priority?

Well, that depends on how bad the breakup was.

Obviously if the breakup was really bad, then they may not want to talk to you and
you will have to earn the right to get those quick responses from them again.

However, I would say that in most cases an ex will be willing to talk to you and re-
spond pretty quickly if the breakup wasn’t horrible.

Of course, the question that is probably on your mind is:

“What do I do to earn back the right of quick responses if the breakup was really
bad?”

Don’t worry, that is what this entire book is for and I will be giving you the step by
step plan on texting an ex a little later.

First though, I would like to move on to how you can use response time to your ad-
vantage.

Using Response Time To Your Advantage

What do you think is better.

Rushing things when it comes to text messages?

74
or

Slowly building the anticipation so that you can almost get a guaranteed quick re-
sponse?

I vote for building up anticipation.

There is a way in which you can do this through the use of a text message. Getting a
quick response, ironically, has to do with your own response time.

The fastest way to get a quick response from an ex is to build up the anticipation
through text messages so that they are constantly waiting for your response to their
own text.

Pretty simple idea right?

Well, putting it into practice can be really tough because there are two battles that
you are going to be fighting.

The first battle is going to be the most obvious one in that you have to get them con-
nected in a conversation with you.

The second battle is going to be going on inside of YOU!


It is the fact that discipline is going to be required to pull this off. So, how does this
anticipation “response” strategy work?

Your first goal is to engage your ex in a text conversation. What you are going to be
doing is looking for one specific text message. This text message has to be sent
from them and it has to be one where they open up emotionally. Or a message from
them where they really want an answer from you about something.

My recommendation is to look at the word count (yes the word count) of their text
message. The longer the word count, the better the text message to “pick.”

Let’s say that you have accomplished this.

75
You have engaged them in a texting conversation and you picked out a text that was
sent by them that was high in word count and emotional (i.e. the more emotional the
better.)

Once you have your pick, I want you to ignore this text message for: 30 – 60 Min-
utes!

Do you have that?

Ignore their text message for half an hour to an hour.

Why do you want to do that?

Well, this is how the anticipation is going to be built.

They will check their phone constantly waiting for your response.

Heck, they may even get angry because they feel you are ignoring them (and exes
hate being ignored.)

Of course, when your response finally does come 30 – 60 minutes later, they will be
absolutely thrilled.

What you will have successfully done, if you pull this off, is you have just made them
realize how much they want to hear from you. Their response time should be quicker
from that point on.

THAT is how you can use response time to your advantage

WORD COUNT
What I would like to talk about now is how the word count of text messages plays
into this whole enchilada.

I have an interesting question for you.


How much do you think word count matters when you are texting an ex?

It’s such a simple question right? And yet the answer tends to be quite complicated.

76
It is best if you don’t view word count in those terms. Rather, word count should be
looked at as a “check” to see just how interested the person is in what you have to
say.

For example, if you send a text message to your ex that is about 25 words and they
respond with a 1 word answer, then that might be a little troubling.

Sure, maybe they were busy when you sent that text and they didn’t have time to
write a proper response. But imagine if this trend was consistent throughout the his-
tory of your conversations as of late.

Chances are probably high that they are not too invested in what you have to say (or
they are just really pi**ed about something.)

My point here is that word count and how interested a person is in what you have to
say, can have a direct correlation. At least, most of the time.

“Wait, what do you mean “most of the time?”

Well, there will always be those exes who get busy while they are:

• At work

• With friends

• Out and about

• You get the idea

The point is that you can’t automatically assume that just because you got a one
word response from your Ex ONE time (or even a few times), that it means they
aren’t interested in what you have to say.

It could mean they were just super busy or that they didn’t quite know how to re-
spond.

What you need to be looking at is the overall trend.

77
Like I said above, if you are consistently getting a one word text message response
from an ex, THEN you have a right to be worried.

78
 In the last three sections, we have covered the different
STAGE ONE:
categories of text messages, response time and word

TIDE
count.

THEORY Do you know what we haven’t covered?

By golly, we have not discussed, “How often you should be

be texting your ex?”

Well, that is where tide theory comes into play.

Have you ever wondered what the correct way to text your
ex is?

How to build attraction?

How to transition from one rung of the ladder (texting) to the

next (calling?)

79
Well, that’s where tide theory comes into play.

I am a very big believer in letting things unfold naturally when you text someone.

I have always found that more often than not, the people who end up getting the
best results when it comes to getting an ex back are able to make the process seam-
less.

They don’t look at it like a math problem like so many people out there do. They look
at it like a natural interaction between two human beings.

That’s how you need your texting conversation with your ex to be, natural. But how
do you achieve this? What is Natural?

How can you get your ex use to texting you every day like when the two of you first
started dating?

I want you to think of a beautiful beach on Hawaii...

Now, a beach on Hawaii is going to have two types of tides.

1. Low Tide

2. High Tide

If you don’t know what a low tide and a high tide is don’t worry, this picture should ex-
plain it all,

80
Of course, for our visually challenged readers I will give you a quick crash course on
what the tides are.

Low Tide = The water on the beach only takes up a small portion of the beach

High Tide = The water on the beach takes up a large portion of the beach

Ok, now that you are an expert on tides, lets do a little role playing.

Let’s imagine that you wake up one morning and decide that you want to go to the
beach.

Oh, perhaps I should mention that you live in Hawaii (a tropical paradise), so going
to the beach is a treat.

So, you get in your car and decide to stop by and pick up your best friend and the
two of you make your way to the most beautiful beach you can think of.

What’s the name of the beach?

Oh I don’t know.

How about the “Chris Seiter Beach.”

Anyways, when you get there the sun is shining, hardly anyone is at the beach and
the water is crystal clear.

In other words, it’s a perfect beach day.

When you walk onto the beach you notice that the water level on the beach is pretty
low.

“Hmm... that’s interesting you think to yourself.”

As the day wears on you begin to notice that the water level is slowly but surely ris-
ing, but you are busy having fun with your friend to really take notice of it.

Anyways, by the end of the day you notice that the water has risen significantly.

“When did that happen?” you think to yourself.

81
You were at the beach all day and literally had a front row seat to the water level ris-
ing, but the rise seemed so natural that you can’t really pinpoint an exact moment
where the water jumped from super low to super high.

Want to know why?

Because a moment like that doesn’t exist.

It’s a series of moments that are compounded on one another.

That is how you need to approach texting your ex.

One important element of Tide Theory is if you start out going from 0 to 60 right off
the bat, you are going to fall flat on your face. You will become a bonafide Text Gnat!
You will drown in failure.

However, if you go from

0 to 5...

5 to 10...

10 to 15...

So on and so forth, until you will arrive at the proper speed for your relationship. You
will find that the two of you are really clicking. There will be balance. The communica-
tions between you and your Ex will not feel forced. They naturally progressed...back
and forth.

Has anyone ever told you to,

“Let it happen naturally?”

My wife constantly tells me that.

Geez... I can almost hear her saying it to me now. “Let it happen naturally...”

“Let it happen naturally...”


82
EEK...

The truth is that phrase sort of annoys me because I don’t view the world in that way.

I am of the mind that if you do things A, B, C and D, you will get result ABCD. Per-
haps I get a bit too mechanistic in my world view at times.

Do you know what I mean? So my wife is right.

Often times, when we allow things to happen naturally...with balance and harmony....
feelings grow stronger.

(I can’t believe I am about to tell you this but what the heck. We are friends, right?)

My wife thinks that the start of our relationship was very natural.

Like how we met...

What we said to each other...

How often we texted...

How often we called each other...

You know, all that fun stuff.

Half of it was very natural, but the other half wasn’t...

She perceives it to be natural, but the truth is that I made a very conscious decision
to slow things down on purpose because I wanted to make it seem more natural to
her than it really was. Maybe that is because I am self aware that I can push a bit
hard at times.

This is Tide Theory at work.

So we are coming up with a game plan to make something that is supposed to hap-
pen naturally seem like it’s happening naturally, when the truth is that it’s not always
that way. Some of us are designed to streak across the sky like a comet....moving for
0 to 60 lickity split. Slow it down or your will burn out!

83
So let’s dig a little deeper to understand how to properly implement Tide Theory in
winning back your Ex or pursuing anyone romantically for that matter.

THE POWER OF COMPOUNDING

Are you familiar with the idea of money doubling over time?

No?

Ok, lets imagine that this year you only earn $100 for the entire year.

OUCH, right?

Bear with me here because I promise there is a point to all of this.

Let’s say that by the next year you have doubled that money from $100 to $200.

In fact, you do this every year for the next 10 years.

$100 into $200

$200 into $400

$400 into $800

$800 into $1600

$1600 into $3200

$3200 into $6400

$6400 into $12,800

$12,800 into $25,600

$25,600 into $51,200

$51,200 into $102,400

84
At year one, you had only earned $100 a year and by year ten you have turned that
$100 into over $100,000. Wow, you think to yourself, this power of compounding is
indeed powerful.

Well, Tide theory works in a similar way. Double your pleasure, Right?

Imagine that you send your ex one text and then the next day you send them two
texts and then the next day you send them four texts and then so on and so forth.
The Tide is coming in. The attraction is building.

So, the chart could look like this,

Day 1: 1 Text

Day 2: 2 Texts

Day 3: 4 Texts

Day 4: 8 Texts

Day 5: 16 Texts

Day 6: 32 Texts

Day 7: 64 Texts

And so on and so forth.

Notice how it starts off slow and then slowly ratchets up as attraction is rebuilt.

This is by design. It seems natural, right? Wrong! The natural Law of Attraction does
not operate that way in the real physical world and certainly you should not adopt
such an approach.

There is a BIG problem with the chart. It only represents one element of Tide Theory.
The tide naturally rises and comes in (i.e. the progression of your text messages in-
crease). But over time, the tide also will regress and go back out (the slowing down
of text messages - fewer texts).

85
These natural powerful Tidal Forces work to your advantage. The giving and the tak-
ing away. It represents a main cog in the law of attraction.

Too many text message over time will sink you! Such behavior leads to the birth of
the Text Gnat which is essentially a person who sends so many text messages that
they just become addicted and annoying.

That’s why I have created another little phrase to help you with the proper implemen-
tation of Tide Theory.

FULL MOON RISE

I like to call it “Full Moon Rise”. Its the great equalizer. Just like a full moon can affect
the direction of a tide, you too can strategically slow down the frequency of your
texts to your Ex.

“When the moon is full or new, the gravitational pull of the moon and sun are com-
bined. At these times, the high tides are very high and the low tides are very low.”

So think of it this way. As the re-attraction builds, your text message frequency in-
creases (i.e. like the tide coming in!).....then over time you call upon the “Full Moon
Rise” factor so to speak, to slow down the progression of text messages (i.e. like a
tide going back out to sea).

Then you again increase the frequency of texts (slowly and naturally). Then you
again naturally slow them down. Almost like an orgasmic experience. The waxing
and waning of your your love life. This is the natural order.

If your texting behavior is like a comet streaking across the sky, the relationship will
quickly burn out. Too much of thing is not natural.

From a psychological perspective, you need to guard against being the comet be-
cause you will feel very excited about how things are progressing in the early days
of re-attraction. This excitement can build and impair your judgement and perspec-
tive.

86
If the quantity of text messages just keep increasing, you run the risk of scaring off
your Ex because you are sending far too many texts as the days progress.

So if we take into account the effect of the rising “Full Moon” on the natural Tidal
Forces of Romance, how might it look like if we were to chart it?

Take a look at the updated chart below,

Day 1: 1 Text

Day 2: 2 Texts

Day 3: 4 Texts

Day 4: 6 - 8 Texts

Day 5: 10 - 14 Texts

(Full Moon Rise - Wait 1⁄2 Day)

Day 6: 8 - 12 Texts

Day 7: 4- 6 Texts

Day 8: 2- 4 Texts

Day 9: 1 - 2 Texts

(Full Moon Rise - Wait 1⁄2 Day)

Day 10: 2 - 4 Texts

Day 11: 4 - 6 Texts

Day 12: 6 - 8 Texts

etc, etc

Do you see what I did there?

87
Bear in mind that this Chart is a rough representation of how the Tidal Forces might
operate in winning back your Ex. Feel free to tweak and modify as appropriate.

I basically distributed the text messages in a such a way that getting back in touch
with your Ex and building rapport is a more natural process, taking into account the
natural rise and fall of communication. This give and take is especially important be-
cause attraction is optimized when your Ex is chasing you a bit...hungering for your
next message.

Later in this Handbook, I will teach you all about Chase Theory. This will be of vital
importance to your understanding of how to maximize your chances with not just
your Ex, but anyone you wish to romance.

Now, here is the coolest thing about Tide Theory.

It’s customizable.

You can customize it to your needs.

For example, maybe you feel that doubling your texts is a little too much and you
would like to spread the doubling out even more.

Well, you can craft the secret sauce to fit your needs perfectly.

So, that’s it!

That’s how Tide Theory fits into the laws of attraction. And by the way, let me give
you a heads up! We will be talking more about the Law of Attraction in a Chapter
later in the e-book.

Pretty cool, huh? Don’t you just love it when science and psychology is on your side!

Now, you are probably bummed out because you are wondering what the heck you
should say in these text messages to your ex.

Don’t worry we will get to that a bit later, but before I can give you the tons of exam-
ples I promised, you have to understand the game plan in order to optimize your text
delivery.

88
Lets move on to another piece of knowledge that you have to grasp before we can
talk about the actual texts you will be sending to your ex.

89
 What do you think I mean by moving up?
STAGE TWO:
It’s actually really simple.
MOVE Thus far we have been treating this game plan for getting
UP your ex back like a video game.

We move from one level to the next. And within those levels
are specific stages that you have to clear before you can
move on.

So far it has been relatively straightforward but what if I

were to tell you that moving from level two to level three
wasn’t going to be so straightforward.

Oh, and just to refresh your memory level two is texting and
level three is phone calls.

In other words, how the hell do you move from texting your
ex to talking on the phone with them.

90
That’s what this stage is all about.

When I say moving up I am talking about transitioning from text messaging to a

phone call.

I want you to take a look at this graphic,

This graphic basically breaks down the purpose that the stages in level’s two and
three serve.

Hint Hint: It’s to build attraction.

Think of it like this.

With every new level you find yourself in you are upping the ante on re-attraction.
The goal by the end of the value chain (our game plan) is to have so much attraction
built within your ex that they will have no choice but to come to one simple conclu-
sion.

I can’t live without them.

91
Our main goal with this section is to move from one level to the next. However, be-
fore that can be done enough attraction has to be built through texting.

So, how can we tell if enough attraction has been built?

Well, the truth is that I am going to get into that a lot more when we move on to part
two of this book, the mock campaign.

But for now I will let you in on a few indicators.

Let’s start off with something simple.

THE 50/50 SPLIT

If you are texting an ex you need to eventually get to a 50/50 split. Why? Because it
generally operates as a rough barometer of interest and attraction levels.

So strive for a 50/50 split.


Now, what do you think I mean by that?

In short, a 50/50 split simply means that every time you text your ex, they text you
right back, usually in a timely manner.

Like this,

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Notice that in the graphic above there were a total of four text messages sent.

2 were sent by one person.

&

2 were sent by another person.

This is what I would like to call a perfect 50/50 split. Balanced communications!

Let’s pretend that you and your ex had a conversation identical to the one in the
graphic above.

You sent two text messages and your ex sent the other two messages.

In other words, you sent 50% of the text messages and your ex sent 50% of the text
messages.

Do you see where the 50/50 split comes in now?

If you are texting your ex, striking a balance is the holy grail of what you are trying to
achieve in your texting conversations.

You want everything to be mostly even.


Unfortunately things rarely are when you are dealing with an ex.

Let’s turn our attention to the 50/50 split idea in a perfect world vs. in the actual
world.

50/50 SPLIT IN A PERFECT WORLD

We live in an imperfect world.

In other words, if you experience what I am about to tell you about here then con-
gratulations... you are living in a perfect world.

In a perfect world a 50/50 split, when it comes to texting, is easy to achieve after a
breakup.

93
You simply pick up your phone, type out a text to send to your ex and before you
know it you are in a very passionate conversation with your ex where they are re-
sponding at an equal rate to your own responses.

That’s how things work in a perfect world.

They are super easy.

Now lets turn our attention to how things work in the actual world.

50/50 SPLIT IN THE ACTUAL WORLD

Think about this for a moment.

Breakups are often associated with the most depressing and angry emotions known
to man.

So, if immediately after the breakup you decide to text your Ex, do you think they are
going to be super responsive to you?

Do you honestly think a 50/50 split is easy to achieve?

Of course not. You may not even be on talking terms.

In such a situation, a 50/50 split is something you strive to achieve over time.

And it is not something you rush into. You need to make an INVESTMENT in TIME
and YOURSELF!

Now, what do you think I mean by that?


Well, in order to illustrate this point, let’s talk about a hypothetical situation.

Let’s pretend that you and your ex had a really bad breakup and when I say bad
breakup, I mean BAADDD!

94
I am talking the kind of breakup where dishes and lamps are thrown, walls are
punched, words are yelled and threats are made. Ugly stuff.

Anyway, after this really bad breakup you decide that you want them back so you be-
gin texting the person.

At first, the person is not responsive to your texts at all.

Ummmm, I wonder why?

You send a text.

They don’t respond...

You send another text.

They don’t respond...

“Hmm... you think to yourself. Maybe I need to give them more time.” So you do.

And after some time has passed, you text them and to your surprise they respond.
You are one of the lucky ones. Soon you enter into a texting conversation but you
end up dominating the conversation.

Your split looks like this,

• You Text

• They Text

• You Text

• You Text

• They Text

• You Text

• You Text

Hmm...

95
Not good.....there is an imbalance of 5 texts to 2 texts.

What do you do now?

Well, you have to earn your way to a 50/50 split.

How do you do that?

Well, there are a number of ways but there are two main factors that are essential to
“earn” your way to a 50/50 split.

And they relate to you first making an Investment in Time and in Yourself. Still Con-
fused? No worries. I will get you to the finish line!

THE TWO ESSENTIAL FACTORS!

I am just going to cut right to the chase for you. Let me teach you first about the two
essential factors. Then I will walk you back to something that could be very critical to
your success.

The two essential factors that you need to achieve a 50/50 split are,

1. Good Feelings

2. Interesting Text Messages

Let’s tackle the good feelings idea first.

FACTOR ONE: Good Feelings

I have this theory.

Are you interested in hearing about it?

Ok, here is the theory.

I think that people are drawn to things that make them feel good and shy away from
things that don’t.

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Food comes to mind here.

Speaking personally, I love McDonald’s.

I know that may be gross because McDonald’s is so bad for you, but I can’t help
that it tastes so good to me.

On the other hand I absolutely hate Spinach.

So, lets say I am walking down the road and all of a sudden a man with a gun and a
ski mask comes up to me and takes me hostage.

He throws me into a van, blindfolds me and takes off with me in his van.

After about an hour of driving we arrive at a secluded area and he lets me out of the
van and sits me down in a chair.

After he takes the blindfold off of me, I notice that in front of me is a table with two
covered plates.

Very slowly he takes the covers off of the plates. The plate to my left contains McDon-
ald’s food.

The plate to my right contains Spinach.

His next words I hear very clearly.


“Be honest now... Which one of these dishes looks more appealing to you.”

I think for a moment about all the time I have eaten McDonald’s and how good it has
made me feel. Then I think about all the times I have eaten spinach and how it made
me want to gag.

Without hesitation I answer,

“McDonald’s.”

What was the point of me telling you this make believe story?

It’s to reinforce that human beings will always be more drawn to things that make
them feel good as opposed to things that make them feel bad.

97
The same principle applies to your ex.

They are going to be more likely to respond to your text messages if they associate
you with good feelings as opposed to bad.

The reason why that 50/50 split is so hard to achieve is that right now your Ex may
still be associating YOU with some bad feelings.

FACTOR TWO: Interesting Text Messages

Now, before you get too excited I want to say that I am not going to be going too in-
depth for you here.

I cover how to send interesting text messages extensively in part two of this book,
the mock campaign.

I am just going to be giving you the basics here.

An ex isn’t going to respond to someone who sends boring texts.

Want an examples of some boring text messages?

98
One word or generic text messages spring to mind here.

One word text messages is a bit of a pet peeve of mine, which causes some diffi-
culty with my wife. She absolutely loves them for some reason.

Seriously, there will be times that I spend a few minutes composing a nice, sweet
text message to send to her and then when it goes out, I get a generic.

OR

These are boring text responses to me.

In fact, sometimes when I get one word responses, I tend to ignore the other person
because I feel like they aren’t worth my time. I am probably not the only one who
feels this way.

99
Keeping an Ex interested with a text message is a lot like going out for a job inter-
view.

An interviewer isn’t going to sit there and hire a boring interviewee over an interest-
ing one.

Interest most often wins out in the end and you absolutely need to strive for interest-
ing text messages if you want to achieve a balanced 50/50 split with your ex.

CHASE THEORY
You know what Chase Theory is, right?

No?

Geez... Do I have to teach you everything?

Oh wait... that’s what you paid me for :p.

All kidding aside, Chase Theory is something that you need to understand if you are
going to have a decent shot of winning your ex back.

The premise of Chase Theory goes like this.

In every texting conversation there is a chaser and a chas-ee. And guess what! The
same principle applies outside of the texting conversation in our everyday activities.

In other words, either you or your ex is going to be putting more effort in when it
comes to the text messages you send back and forth.

Chase theory operates under the psychological assumption that individuals pursu-
ing a romantic attraction attain excitement and thrill when they have to work at it. The
chase gives them purpose and challenge. It feeds their ego to pursue and lay claim
to that which they desire.

The Chase is as old as time itself. It is in part ritualistic and biological. Animals
throughout the kingdom participate in chasing rituals.

100
Guess what?

You have to make sure that your ex is the one putting in more effort than you.

In other words, you want to ensure that your ex is the chaser and you are the
chasee.

But how?

How can you accomplish this dynamic?

By combining everything I have just taught you. Are you aware of the idea of syn-
ergy?

Synergy- the interaction or cooperation of two or more organizations, substances, or

other agents to produce a combined effect greater than the sum of their separate ef-
fects.

In other words, each of the tactics I have taught you in this stage are very clever, but
they are all meant to work in synergy with one another.

Hmm...

Ok, I have an idea.

Let’s pretend that you are texting your ex right now.

In order to successfully guide your ex to become the chaser, you need to figure out
which of the four categories that their texts are falling into. You need to determine
how well you are doing with regards to response time. Oh, and we can’t forget about
the word count either.

You will also need to achieve that 50/50 split that we are all after. Oh, and when it
comes to your conversation with text messages, you are going to have to under-
stand the idea of tide theory and the full moon rise.

In other words, in order to make your ex the chaser, you are going to have to do all
of these things.

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Is it a lot of work?

Yes.

Does it work?

Better than anything out there that I know about!

MOVING UP TO LEVEL 3
Most exes love surprises.

However, in my experience when it comes to getting an ex back, surprises can back-

fire. Be sure you have properly primed your Ex with text communications, before you
call.

Now, tell me, what is a bigger surprise to a person than their ex calling them out of
the blue, with no warning at all?

I have always been of the mindset that you should give an ex a fair warning before
you call them.

However, I want you to be clever, so your “heads up” seems harmless.

Essentially my “heads up” are stories that have to be told on the phone.

What do I mean by that?

I think it’s best if I just show you:

102
Let’s say that I am in your shoes and I send the text above to an ex that I am trying
to get back.

The first thing I would have to come up with is a compelling story to tell.

I think I would tell a funny story, because funny stories are always interesting to peo-
ple.

Now, I can’t make up your story. It has to be real and that is important. People al-
ways appreciate authenticity and a story that is made up is not authentic.

Note how the initial “transition” text message also serves as a test for your Ex.

Notice how the text message says,

“Can I call you briefly and tell you about it?”

This part of the message serves as the test for your ex.

They can either accept your invitation to talk on the phone or decline it.

If they accept it, then you can run around your house like a crazy person full of ex-
citement. It’s Ok! Get it all out of your system. Then put your game face back on!

103
If they decline it, then don’t take it personally. They may be busy at that particular
moment or you may not have built up enough attraction yet. It just means you have a
little more work to do.

Eventually, as you make use of all of these tactics I have described over the last sev-
eral pages, you have a good chance of hitting the bull’s eye.

That is really what I want for you, if that is best for you. I would love to see you ad-
vance from No Contact....to First Contact...to building attraction texts...to re-
establishing phone conversations...and ultimately the meet up.

If you fall short, keep trying. If things simply get worse, do not panic.

104
LEVEL THREE: So, before we get into the nitty gritty of talking on the
phone with your ex I want to give a quick recap of

TALKING what this level actually entails.

ON THE
PHONE

As you can see we are going to be talking about the

Zeigarnik Effect and moving up (again) but before I
jump right to stage one I need to teach you the three
rules for talking on the phone with an ex.

105
You ready?

Yes?

Good!

Let’s begin

THE THREE RULES

The truth is that there are a lot more than just three rules for talking on the phone
with an ex but I didn’t want to chain you down with too many rules so I am going to
keep this as brief as I can.

Below I have compiled a list of the three major guidelines that you need to follow
when you are on the phone with your ex.

1. Do NOT Fight Under Any Circumstances

2. Stay Away From Your Past Relationship

3. Always End The Conversation First

I am going to talk briefly about each of these guidelines for a second now.

RULE #1: Do NOT Fight Under Any Circumstances

Exes have this nasty habit of constantly getting into fights.

Maybe you say something that sets them off or they say something that sets you off
and before we know it the two of you are red in the face and screaming at each
other over the phone.

It is very important that you remain calm because it is ten times easier to get “set off”
on the phone when you can hear your exes voice and how they react to things on
the spot.

Think about this in a very logical manner.

106
Will getting into a massive argument with your ex over the phone help you get them
back?

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

So, don’t do it even if every fiber of your being tells you to.

Rule #2: Stay Away From Your Past Relationship

Ideally I would like you to have more attraction built before you bring your past rela-
tionship up.

Why?

Because people are more accepting of things that make them upset when they have
STRONG feelings for someone or something.

For example, let’s say my wife goes out and spends $9,000 on a HUGE TV for my
birthday and then our daughter comes around and breaks it by throwing something
at it. The chances are high that I am probably going to be very upset.

But let’s say that, that day I learned that I hit a lottery jackpot and won $50,000. Well,
the chances are high that I probably won’t be as upset about the broken TV be-
cause I am in such a good mood from the lottery.

Same principle here.

Wait until you have enough attraction built up before you touch on a controversial
topic like you failed relationship.

Rule #3: Always End The Conversation First

I have a very unique way of teaching people to end conversations first on the phone
and I am going to teach it to you on this level, just not right this second.

First, it’s important for me to prime you with knowledge about something that I like to
call,

The Zeigarnik Effect!

107
 If you have never heard of the zeigarnik effect in psychol-
STAGE ONE:
ogy before then you are in for a treat.

THE It states that people remember uncompleted or interrupted

ZEIGARNIK tasks better than completed ones.

EFFECT And it also happens to be probably one of the defining

strategies that I have ever come up with regarding exes.

I always like to use TV shows as an example when explain-

ing the ZE (zeigarnik effect.)

Let’s go to fantasy land for a moment and pretend that we

are in charge of a popular TV show.

Our main focus revolves around retaining our viewers.

What is the best way to do that?

108
If you didn’t already know, television is a very interesting medium in the fact that an
entire story isn’t told over the course of two hours like in the movies but rather 4 to 6
months.

And retaining our audience over the course of this 4 to 6 month period is important
because if our audience drops off our show can get cancelled.

So, how can we prevent that from happening?

Well, the best way is by utilizing the zeigarnik effect.

By creating an uncompleted or interrupted story thread that makes an audience go,

“I need to find out what happens next!”

In other words, we create a cliffhanger at the end of each one of our TV episodes
that ensures that we continue to keep them engaged and tuning in from week to
week.

So, if you were to chart our ideal reality it would look like this.

109
Hollywood has perfected this process.

Just think to your favorite TV shows (excluding reality ones.)

Personally speaking I love Game of Thrones.

Almost every single episode ends on a cliffhanger. A story thread that isn’t fully com-
pleted.

And what does it make me do?

“What the hell... What is going to happen? I have to find out.”

Of course, TV shows make you wait an entire week before they air their next episode
so during the course of this week I think about the next episode from time to time.

This is the zeigarnik effect at work.

And it’s how I want you to approach every phone call with your ex.

So, staying with our chart on the last page here is what we are going to be trying to
do when talking to an ex on the phone,

110
Don’t worry, I am going to break this down for you step by step.

CIRCLE ONE: TALKING TO YOUR EX ON

THE PHONE
That’s this circle in case you were wondering,

Now, if you go back to level two you will notice that I had a section at the end where
I talked about how to transition from a text message to a phone call.

Definitely go back and re-read that section if you are wondering how to get on the
phone with your ex because I am not going to talk about that here. Instead, I am go-
ing to talk about what you are going to try to accomplish by talking on the phone
with your ex.

You have a short term goal and a long term goal.

Let’s talk about your short term goal.

Short Term Goal = Creating an atmosphere where your ex will want to talk to you on
the phone again.

I have already told you that, that’s what the ZE is for. It’s going to create this type of
an atmosphere where your ex is going to be itching to talk to you again.

111
But it’s easy to lose sight of the long term goal.

Long Term Goal = Moving up from level three to level four (AKA as Level 3 (Stage
2).)

Here’s the beautiful thing about the process I am about to teach you.

Everything is put together in a way that simultaneously advances you to your short
term goal and your long term goal.

But I will get to that in a second. For now I want to finish my talk about the graphic.

CIRCLE TWO: BUILDING ATTRACTION

ON THE PHONE
Just in case you forgot here is circle two,

Building attraction on the phone is essential for you to make your ex want to talk to
you on the phone again.

The only question is how.

How do you properly build attraction on the phone with an ex?

112
Ok, I’d like to start off with a question.

What is the first thing that pops into your mind when I say,

“You need to build attraction with your ex over the phone?”

Flirting?

Dirty talk?

Phone sex?

The truth is that I am not talking about any of those things when it comes to building
attraction on the phone.

Take me for example, I was in a long distance relationship with my wife (back when
we were dating) for close to six months which meant that we had to talk exclusively
on the phone and build attraction that way.

Do you think our conversations were limited to dirty talk and phone sex?

No.

Rather we always seemed to have interesting things to talk about.

Our phone conversations would start by talking about our days and then somehow
we would wind up discussing tsunamis and what we would do if we ever encoun-
tered one.

The point I am trying to get at here is that we always seemed to have something in-
teresting to say and quite honestly it created this bond between the two of us that
proved to be unbreakable.

Make Sure You Prepare Interesting Things To Say

Lets run through a quick scenario for a second here.

You and your ex are about to talk on the phone and you are super excited about this
fact.

113
There is just one problem…

Once you are on the phone you realize that you don’t have anything to talk to them
about and you panic.

There are a lot of “uhhhhs” and awkward silences where one person is waiting for
the other person to take control of the conversation.

DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU.

Don’t go into this conversation unprepared.

Think of it like this.

If you go into talking on the phone with your ex without being prepared it’s like bring-
ing a knife to a gun fight.

Preparedness is the key here.

Here is my recommendation for you,

Before you call your ex make sure you have a list of at least 5 interesting things to
say while you are on the phone with them.

(Remember, 5 things is the minimum. Personally I would feel more comfortable with
10 things prepared but that’s just me.)

So, what constitutes something interesting to say?

Good question!

The Background Check

We are going to do something with me that you should be doing to your ex.

A background check!

Below I am going to tell you five things about myself and using these five things we
are going to come up with an interesting script to use against me if you were hypo-
thetically trying to get me back instead of your ex.

114
You ready?

Chris Seiter…

A man’s man!

He dresses well…

Talks well…

Makes love well…

Too much?

Ok, i’ll get off the ego trip.

115
What makes Chris Seiter, Chris Seiter?

Well, here are five interesting things that you probably didn’t know about me,

1. I love TV shows like Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, House of Cards and The
Walking Dead.

2. My favorite sport is Tennis.

3. I love beaches (Favorites Include: Florida, Hawaii and Key West (technically FL.))

4. I am fascinated by Entrepreneurship specifically people who make a living selling

products over the internet.

5. I am very family oriented.

So, I just gave you a run down of five topics that I would enjoy discussing if I was on
the phone with someone.

Lets pretend that your ex and I did a role reversal and swapped places. In other
words, instead of trying to get your ex back you were trying to get me back. Well, us-
ing the above knowledge (the 5 things I just told you about myself) what would you
talk about on the phone with me?

Most likely you would talk about the five things above, right?

Here is an idea of how that conversation would go,

(We are just going to assume that you used the text-phone call transition and pick
things up from there.)

Remember, this is just a sampling of what the conversation should look like.

Me: So, what’s up with you?

You: Oh, nothing much… I actually just got done binge watching the latest season
of House of Cards! It was so good (1)

116
Me: ME TOO!!! I loved it so much. Especially that ending. WOW! I am just kind of de-
pressed that we are going to have to wait an entire year for the next season to start.

You: I know, that’s kind of the downside of the way Netflix releases the entire season
all at once. You can just binge watch an entire season in a day and then you have to
wait another year for that to happen.

Me: Yup, so you see any other shows lately?

Now, obviously this conversation could be fleshed out even more but if I actually
fleshed it out we would be here all day.

My point is simple,

Do you see the advantage to having these strategic “interesting points” to talk about
on the phone?

The real challenge you face is that you are going to have to put together a list like
the one I gave you about me for your ex. Now, what was important about the five
things I gave you in the last page?

They were all topics I liked talking about!

In other words, I find them interesting and as a result I will associate you as an inter-
esting person if you bring them up.

This is where knowing your ex really comes in handy.

For example, if they don’t like TV shows then they aren’t going to find chit chat about
the new season of House of Cards or Game of Thrones interesting.

Stick to topics that that they find interesting.

Got it?

117
CIRCLE THREE: END THE CALL ON
A CLIFFHANGER
Again, in case you forgot here is the final circle,

This is where our knowledge of the ZE really comes into play.

If you recall the zeigarnik effect states that a person will remember an uncompleted
or interrupted task better than a completed one.

Therefore, if you strike up an interesting conversation with your ex, capture their at-
tention and then “all of a sudden” interrupt the conversation to make it incomplete
they are more likely to think about you.

The more they think about you the more they will want to talk to you to complete that
uncompleted conversation.

Do you see how it all ties together now?

Let’s talk about how to properly interrupt a conversation on the phone.

118
How To Properly Interrupt A Conversation On The Phone

What I am about to teach you about ending conversations prematurely on the phone
is truly a game changer.

In fact, I can’t even take credit for this little nugget of knowledge.

I have to give credit to my wife for using this tactic on me to build attraction when we
were still dating.

FYI: I did find this little tactic super annoying but upon reflection it was oddly effec-
tive.

Let me set the stage for you a bit here.

When my wife and I officially began dating we were in a long distance relationship.

1,600 miles apart to be exact.

So, our whole relationship hinged on two things.

The ability to send text messages and the ability to make phone calls.

Now, I would never admit this to my wife in person (can’t let her get a big head) but
she was a master on phone tactics to build interest and attraction. She surpassed
even me when it came to this stuff.

I have never seen anything like it.

So, with this section and the next one I am going to give you her entire “phone strat-
egy.”

Truly revolutionary stuff!

Finding And Ending The Conversation At The High Point

There was actually one time before my wife and I got married that we were having a
conversation on the phone that was absolutely amazing.

I mean this conversation had it all.

119
It was interesting…

Exciting…

Charged with emotion…

Right as it was getting to the good part her phone suddenly “shuts off” and I don’t
hear from her for an hour.

It drove me absolutely insane.

Was I angry? Yep.

Was I disappointed? Yep

DID I WANT MORE?

You bet your ass I did!

More than anything I wanted to get back on that conversation.

It turned me into a madman.

I must have called her 8-10 times trying to get a hold of her and each time there was
no answer.

It didn’t make sense…

How could her phone go out right when it was getting to the good part of the conver-
sation?

Now, to this day she will claim that her phone was really old and she needed an “up-
grade” but when this happens to you literally 20 times you start to wonder.

Even if her phone was bad it was an ingenious tactic because she left me always
wanting more.

She put me right in the role as the “chaser.”

And hey, it worked out for her.

120
We got married,

So, why did her tactic of leaving the conversation work so well?

Simple, it always left me wanting more.

It was something I haven’t ever experienced before and on some level it fascinated
me and made me want to work until I was the most important thing to her.

So, the lesson I want you to take from this is the fact that it’s not just about leaving
the conversation early.

It’s about leaving the conversation at the right time.

Look at the graph below,

121
Notice how the graph goes from low to high and then from high to low.

This graph is meant to represent a phone conversation.

Every single good phone conversation I have had in my life follows this trajectory.

The conversation starts out kind of slow with both parties feeling each other out and
then when enough attraction or interest is built the conversation picks up. Eventually
the conversation gets to the high point. This is equivalent to the point of the conver-
sation where you stop and think to yourself,

“Wow, this is actually a lot of fun.”

Of course, if you stay on the phone with someone too long then you will wear out
your welcome.

The conversation starts to dip as you run out of ideas on what to talk about or you
simply just get tired of talking.

Hey, we are all human after all.

122
This part of the conversation is represented in the dip after the high pint in the graph
above.

So, when is an ideal time to cut the conversation off?

Right at the high point or for our visual learners out there, here,

This is exactly where my wife used to kill our conversations and let me tell you it was
the most effective tactic ever.

I would constantly be chasing her and subconsciously I would think in the back of
my head,

“Wow, she is a really powerful woman. She’s hard to pin down.”

Remember, people are drawn to the things they can’t have and that’s what the zei-
garnik effect accomplishes.

(That’s what the tactic above accomplishes.)

Let’s move on to level 3, stage 2!

123
 The smartest thing you can do to get a date with your ex is
STAGE TWO:
to build attraction through texting AND phone calls.

MOVE And once you feel you have hit a point where they won’t

UP say no that is when you pull out the date card.

Of course, that is only a last resort.

In a perfect world you will have built up enough attraction

to where your ex would ask you out on a date on their own
accord without you having to take charge and make a date.

So, that means that your chances of success for a date are
completely reliant on how well you build attraction not just
in text messages but on the phone as well.

Before I get into the meat of this section I feel compelled to

mention that if your ex asks you out on a date say yes.

It’s as simple as that.

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You will have accomplished your goal and you can move on to the “in person” por-
tion of this process (level four.)

What I would like to talk about now is what to do if your ex has not asked you out on
a date yet.

First though, lets talk about the difference between men and women when it comes
to asking for a date.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN

AND WOMEN
The cool thing about this book is that both men and women read it. Usually that
wouldn’t really matter but the truth is that you have to take it into account when deal-
ing with relationships.

Why?

Well, men and women find themselves in two camps when it comes to asking an ex
out on a date.

The Men’s Camp

Men have it easier if you ask me.

Why?

Because they absolutely must ask their ex out on a date. There are no if’s, and’s, or
but’s about it.

The women find themselves in a more difficult situation.

The Women’s Camp

(If you are a man then you can skip this section and move on to the next one.)

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A woman will buy this book, read about my strategies, implement them and then
when her ex doesn’t ask her out on a date she freaks out and refuses to take the ini-
tiative and ask him on a date.

In other words, her pride takes over and she refuses to keep it in check.

This is not a place for your wounded pride.

We are dealing with the art of making another human being fall for you again and
sometimes things aren’t going to go exactly as planned.

So, if you get hung up on this idea of,

“He has to ask me out first…”

Then I have some really bad news for you.

You aren’t going to have a lot of success.

Sometimes you have to go out of your way and contact your ex for a date.

Sometimes a man can be too scared to do it himself so you have to tell him its ok
with your actions by asking him out.

Now, if you are sitting there saying,

“There is no way that it will ever work out for me if I ask him out on a date first.”

While it is definitely not an ideal situation it doesn’t mean things won’t work out for
you.

Look, before we were even dating my wife was the one that asked ME out on a date
first…

AND I MARRIED HER!

So, swallow your pride and maybe you will get a guy to do that to you.

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THE SPECIFIC SIGNS TO KEEP AN
EYE OUT FOR
What do we know so far about asking an ex out on a date?

Well, firstly there is the fact that usually the only way an ex will say yes to a proposed
date is if enough attraction is built on your part.

But how do you know when enough attraction is built?

That’s what I intend on answering right now.

Look for these signs,

• They respond quickly to your text messages.

• There is a 50/50 split on who texts who first.

• Your phone conversations consistently last 45+ minutes

• You have a minimum of 3 phone conversations that last 45+ minutes

• They always seem to be in a good mood to hear from you

• They are flirty with you

• THEY TELLS YOU THEY LIKE YOU/LOVE YOU

If your ex has the qualities above in their communications with you then you can
move on to the phone tactic that I am about to explain below.

If not, then I would recommend you keep plugging away until you feel you can get a
yes from them if you were to ask them out on a date.

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HOW TO SET UP A DATE ON THE
PHONE
Setting up a date with an ex is an art.

It’s an art that requires subtlety and brains on your part.

Do you think you are up for the task?

Yes?

Good!

Now, before I move on I do want to mention that 8 times out of 10 if you do build
enough attraction your ex WILL be very open to going on a date with you. In fact, I
would say that without a doubt the biggest mistake I see people making is that they
try to ask for a date before enough attraction has been built.

So, how do you ask an ex out on a date over the phone?

How do you subtly suggest something like a date to an ex?

Good question!

Imagine that you are on the phone with your ex and around 25 minutes into the
phone call you take a step back and think to yourself,

“Wow, this phone call is going really well.”

The moment you think that you have a few plans that you can put into motion.

Plan A- Continue the conversation and end at the high point like I taught you in
stage one.

Plan B- Subtly ask for a date.

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If you do decide to opt for plan B then you can only do it when the conversation is
going well.

Why?

Because your ex is more likely to say yes to a date when they are having fun in a
conversation as opposed to when they aren’t.

So, half the battle to getting a yes is timing.

But how do you go about subtly asking them out on a date?

I have always found that the best way to do this is by following a script,

You: You aren’t going to believe what just happened.

Them: What happened?

You: Someone told me that they are closing down Bakers (your favorite restaurant
together)

Them: What? NO WAY?

You: Ya, I am so disappointed…

Them: I hope it isn’t true…

You: Me too… Maybe we should go there for old times sake before it closes?

Them: I would like that very much.

Now, I realize that this script is very specific and not every couple has a “bakers” to-
gether but this can work with anything.

For example, maybe your favorite movie theater is closing down?

Maybe your favorite Starbucks is moving locations?

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Now, the funny trick here is that your favorite place together doesn’t really have to be
closing down. As long as you get the information from a “friend” you can always
blame the friend for being wrong.

So, pick a favorite place the two of you constantly frequented when you were dating
and go from there.

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LEVEL FOUR: Before I get to the nitty gritty of this level I think it’s im-
portant for me explain the ultimate purpose of going

IN on a date with your ex..

PERSON I hate to sound like a broken record but I want you to

take a look at level 4 of our strategy on the game plan
below,

What is the ultimate goal of any in person interaction

with your ex according to this graphic?

To succeed, right?

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To get them back.

And that’s the assumption we are going to be operating under. We are going to be
positioning you to get your ex back on every single date you go on.

And that’s where the three date strategy comes into play.

WHAT IS THE THREE DATES

STRATEGY?
I don’t know why but a lot of people seem to be under the impression that it’s going
to take one date with their exes to convince them to be in a relationship again.

NEWSFLASH!

This rarely every works.

Instead, it will probably take three dates and sometimes even more than that.

But what’s the game plan for these three dates?

What should you try to accomplish during them?

What should you say on them?

Do we actually ask our exes to be official again?

Geez… you sure have a lot of questions...

Look, I promise you that I am going to answer ALL of those questions but first a
story.

Well… perhaps that isn’t accurate. This is more like a role play.

Lets say that you had a blind date with a guy tomorrow. Now, it’s been a while since
you have last dated so you are very excited for this blind date. You get all dressed
up, looking perfect and then finally the moment is here.

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You arrive at the restaurant where the blind date is supposed to go down and are
greeted by the best looking date you have ever seen.

The type of date that you have always dreamed about (looks wise.)

You find yourself picturing a future with them…

And that’s when it happens.

Your date gets down on one knee and proposes to you.

Would you say yes?

Bear in mind, this is the first time you have ever met this person in your entire life.

NO WAY…

In order for you to say yes to a marriage proposal you will have to know them on a
deep level and will have to have at least dated them for a few months.

And yet… time after time I witness people essentially doing this to their exes except
instead of marriage it’s forcing a relationship on them.

Look, convincing an ex to get back into a relationship with you isn’t going to happen
overnight and it isn’t going to be necessarily easy.

Hell, I would say that it’s going to be hard which is why you can’t expect to accom-
plish it completely on one date.

Instead, I want you to go on three dates and slowly build up to it.

Just like my marriage analogy.

It takes time to get a yes to a marriage proposal.

Same principle here.

It takes time to get a yes to a relationship proposal.

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 I want you to take a good look at the graphic below,
STAGE ONE:

THE
THREE
DATES
STRATEGY

Notice anything interesting?

134
Besides the fact at how poor of an artist I am.

Well, first off the three dates I keep going on and on about are,

1. The Small Date

2. The Medium Date

3. The Romantic Date

But that’s not the most interesting part.

Instead, the most interesting part is that there are two arrows revolving around the
“romantic date.” This was done on purpose by me because… well, I will get to that
in a second.

First things first, lets talk about the three dates.

THE SMALL DATE

The idea behind the three dates strategy is that you are starting off slow and then
building up attraction very gradually. The analogy I like to use is kind of like when
you are boiling a pot of water. You put the pot of water on the stove and then you
turn the fire on.

Does it start boiling immediately?

No, it takes a few minutes and slowly but surely the water gets hotter until it reaches
the boiling point.

Same principle here.

While our main goal may be getting your ex boyfriend back that isn’t until later.

For now, we are just trying to “heat the water” up. Once the water boils that’s when
you will strike.

Get it?

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That’s why this date is called “the small date.”

Your main goal here is to plant the seeds for a future date.

To remain memorable.

To have your ex walk away from the date thinking,

“Man, I really want to see them again.”

And there are a TON of ways to do this. But first, lets talk about location. Where
should the small date be held?

A few days ago I recorded a podcast episode where one of the visitors to my web-
site asked a pretty simple question.

“What should I do on a date with my ex? Do I ask them to hang out?”

And in that episode I explained the premise of the three dates and how you want to
gradually build attraction throughout them. But I think deep down the person who
asked the question already knew that. The question I really wanted to answer was
when they asked,

“When I see my ex in person do I ask permission to hang out?”

I thought my answer to this visitor perfectly summed up what a “small date” would
look like. You see, I told them that they should never ask permission. They should
just put their ex in a position where they are hanging out.

I gave them an example.

Starbucks is an ideal location for a small date. Why? Because of these things,

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Seriously, Starbucks is known for having a ton of comfortable chairs and couches
throughout their locations.

So, let me give you some background on this person’s situation.

This person’s ex contacted them about returning a record that they had left over
their house after the no contact rule was completed. So, the two of them set a date
up a week ahead of time so my visitor could get the record back but my visitor (who
happened to be a woman) was panicking because she didn’t really know how to ap-
proach the situation.

Luckily for her… I did!

The fix was easy and would require a bit of initiate on her side.

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Here is what she should do.

She should tell him to meet her at Starbucks and set a specific time in the middle of
the day.

Let’s say 2:30 PM.

Here is the thing though.

Instead of her showing up at 2:30 on the dot she should show up 30 – 45 minutes
early and make her way inside of Starbucks and sit at a table or couch where there
is enough room for both of them to talk.

You see, exes can sometimes be cowards when it comes to dates and since her
date is predicated around her ex returning a record that she owns to her I have a
feeling that he would take the cowards way out and just give her the record in the
parking lot of Starbucks as opposed to actually sitting down and having a conversa-
tion with her after he returned the record.

So, her showing up early and sitting in Starbucks will force him to come inside, sit
down, give her the record and then talk.

Which is what she wants.

She wants to talk to her ex.

To interest him…

Excite him…

Keep him engaged and then just when he starts enjoying her company she needs to
end the date prematurely.

THE WORST DATE I HAVE EVER

BEEN ON

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I have been on a lot of bad dates in my life.

Here’s a list of some of the more interesting experiences I have had to endure,

• I broke my foot on a date…

• I didn’t have enough money to pay for a movie ticket for a date once… (The movie
sucked anyways)

• I once got roped into doing a double date with an alcoholic…

• I spent my entire paycheck when I was a waiter on a date to impress my then girl-
friend (and then I broke up with her a week later)

But the truth is that I look back on those dates as funny stories to tell.

They don’t even compare to the story I am about to tell you.

It’s funny… I actually thought about this date today because my wife and I were actu-
ally trying to get our pediatrician to call in a prescription for our daughter and they
kept saying that they did it when they really didn’t.

Yup, I would keep calling CVS Pharmacy to verify that the medicine had been called
in and they kept saying,

“I am sorry sir… we haven’t gotten anything.”

And then I would call the pediatricians office to get them to call it in again and they
wouldn’t answer.

Quite a morning a the Seiter household.

It got to the point where I got so angry with our pediatrician (we are leaving them)
that I drove up there and forced them to call the medicine in, in front of me.

The whole thing was a massive waste of time.

There is nothing I hate more than having my time wasted.

Which leads me to my point.

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The worst date I have ever been on was a never ending date. Seriously, I met this
girl up at a restaurant at noon and I essentially spent the entire day with her.

I didn’t want to…

Seriously… any time I would tell her that I had to go she would just keep talking and
ignore me.

Eventually it got to the point where I had to tell her,

“I HAVE TO GO!”

Now, I liked her fine at the beginning of the date and if she had ended it prematurely
I may have wanted to see her again but when the date just kept dragging on and on
I literally lost any attraction I had towards her.

It’s very possible for you to outstay your welcome on the “small date” which is why I
recommend ending it early.

Kind of like how I taught you to end the conversation prematurely on the phone in
level three.

THE MEDIUM DATE

So, before I get into the specifics of the “medium date” I want to reiterate that the
whole point of doing this “three date” method is to SLOWLY rebuild attraction.

Thus, every new date that you go on is going to slowly ratchet up the attraction.

I want you to imagine a graph that is going upwards slowly by slowly.

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This is supposed to represent a visual of his feelings.

It’s also supposed to represent a visual of the level of “attraction intensity” that you
want on your dates.

Let’s say that the attraction intensity on the first date (the small date) was here,

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Well, if we hold true to the “three date method” and slowly building attraction up over
the course of the three dates then that means you want the “medium date” to be
right around here,

But what does that date actually look like?

Where do you go?

What do you do?

What are you supposed to accomplish?

These are all very good questions that I am going to be answering in this section.

Let’s start with what your main goal is during the medium date.

142
WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO
ACCOMPLISH ON THE MEDIUM
DATE
Simple, you are trying to rebuild attraction and make your ex want another date with
you.

In other words, you have the same exact goal as you had on the small date.

Here’s where it gets tricky though, you can’t be too romantic on this date.

So, you have to build attraction without it being too threatening.

After all, this isn’t meant to be the uber romantic date that we are going to talk about
next.

How do you do this?

How can you build attraction in your ex without it being too romantic?

One word!

FUN!!!

I want you to take your ex on a fun date.

That leads me to my next point.

Where Do You Go On The Date?

If you actually go back in time and read some of my earliest articles on my website
you will notice that I actually recommended that you go on a date with a group of
people during your medium date. The idea here is that it creates an un-threatening
vibe and opens your ex up to having fun.

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And after a few more years of coaching and advising under my belt I still think this is
the smartest thing to do.

Why?

In my opinion, to convince an ex to go on a romantic date with you (which is where

the heavy lifting is really going to occur) you are going to have to get them to jump
through a few hoops.

What are these hoops?

The two non-threatening dates.

But the big difference between the first date and the second date is the venue.

A coffee shop meet up during the day is non threatening in and of itself.

A medium date at night revolving around fun can border on romantic depending on
the activity.

So, to “dumb down” the romantic vibe all you need to do is invite a group of people.

This group will serve as a buffer between your ex feeling like you are going too fast
too soon which is a HUGE mistake that I see people continually make.

Now, I am not going to lie to you.

Getting a group of people together is difficult.

Why?

Well, you can’t invite a bunch of your friends because your ex will feel threatened by
that.

Also, you can’t invite a singular couple that you know because that will scream DOU-
BLE DATE.

Instead, you want to have a healthy mix of men and women going on this fun date.

But where?

144
The activity has to be fun.

Here are a few of my favorite examples,

• Bowling

• Laser Tag

• Beach Day

• Sporting Event (Baseball Game Is Preferred)

• Mini Golf

• Pool Party

All of these are super fun and they are conducive to big groups.

What Do You Do If You Get Your Ex To Go On “The Group Date?”

That’s easy!

HAVE FUN!

It’s really that simple.

I want you to take off the “Ex Recovery” goggles for a second and allow yourself to
be “in the moment.”

Just have fun.

The attraction part will take care of itself if you do that.

I have found that one of the biggest issues for people trying to get their exes back
is the fact that they get so uptight and focus on the technical aspects of “building at-
traction” that they end up achieving the opposite effect.

Sometimes the smart thing to do is to throw the rules out the window and just see
where things take you.

145
As long as you show your ex a good time and you are having a good time the attrac-
tion part will take care of itself, trust me.

But Chris… Do We Still End The Date Prematurely?

I am going to be honest with you.

The politically correct answer is YES.

BUT there is an external factor that you have to take into account.

Where you had the date.

Let’s say that you gathered a huge group of friends for a pool party over at your
friend Lisa’s house and you managed to get your ex to attend. If you end the date
prematurely and your ex doesn’t go home when you go home then you run the risk
of your ex meeting and falling for someone else at this pool party.

We definitely don’t want that.

But at the same time you aren’t going to leave your ex wanting more if you stick
around by their side the entire time while you are at the party.

Get it?

So, what this really boils down to is the fact that where you have your date is IMPOR-
TANT.

Ideally you don’t want to pick a date that isn’t going to last all day.

For example, a pool party or a beach day is probably going to last into the night.

Whereas bowling and laser tag are activities that are fun but won’t last super long.
This will allow you to end the date prematurely without feeling threatened by a poten-
tial poacher that may be on the group date with you.

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THE ROMANTIC DATE
The romantic date is without a doubt the most important date out of all three dates
we are talking about on level four because it’s going to be the actual date where you
are going to be going in for the kill.

Going In For The Kill = Getting Your Ex Back

Now, if you recall my cool little graphic above you would recall that the romantic
date part of the graphic had a strange circle,

I assure you that this wasn’t a design flaw on my part (even though I will admit that it
looks very crappy.)

No, this is actually done on purpose because it’s supposed to represent a repeat cy-
cle.

Thus far we have talked about three dates,

1. The Small One

2. The Medium One

3. The Romantic One

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The idea behind these three dates is that each one ups the ante.

It creates this “attraction funnel” that you put your ex through and hopefully by the
end of it they are willing to re-enter a relationship with you.

Now, lets assume that you have made it as far as the romantic date portion of our lit-
tle funnel.

In a perfect world your ex would be willing to get back into a relationship with you
again at the end of that romantic date.

But we don’t live in a perfect world now do we?

Nope, most of the time we live in an imperfect world.

I have found that most of the time one huge romantic date isn’t enough.

Sometimes it takes multiple romantic dates.

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That’s where that endless cycle of romantic dates comes into play.

I want you to go into each and every romantic date with your ex with a mindset of
getting them back but if it doesn’t happen at the end of the romantic date then I
want you to repeat the process over again in a few days.

The idea is to keep putting your ex in a position where they will have an opportunity
to ask you to be official again (more on that in a second.)

However, after three romantic dates I want you to hit the pause button.

What do I mean by pause button?

I want you to go into a mini no contact period again for a total of 3 days.

That’s it… It’s as simple as that.

So, here is what this looks like,

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Notice how you put your plans on pause after your ex hasn’t asked you after the
third romantic date?

The idea behind doing this is actually to make your ex think,

“Where did they go? Are they over me? What happened?”

Common sense dictates that if anyone is willing to go on three romantic dates with
you then they have some type of feelings for you and by putting the breaks on by
pausing you are attempting to shock they into the reality of the situation.

The Reality = YOUR EX LIKES YOU!

Now, one of the biggest debates among men and women revolves around whether
or not YOU should ask your ex back during these dates so you don’t get caught in a
situation where you have to “pause.”

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 Alright, once again we are faced with the question.
STAGE TWO:
How do women handle “the ask” versus men?
SUCCESS! So, I’d like to speak to that.

Men have it easy.

We ask the person we like if they want to:

• Go steady...

• Date...

• Be in a relationship again...

• You get the idea.

It’s as simple as that.

For now, I’d like to directly speak to the women.

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(Men, you can skip ahead to “YOU Initiating “The Talk”” section here.)

Ladies... we have a bit of strategizing to do.

From now on I am going to be referring to asking your ex boyfriend to be in a rela-

tionship with you again as “the talk.”

So, there are two things I would like to talk to you about today about the big “talk”
with your ex.

Thing 1- Him Initiating The Talk

Thing 2- You Initiating The Talk

What’s the best protocol for this?

Generally speaking when it comes to men its always a bit more powerful if they initi-
ate things as opposed to you initiating things. However, sometimes men can have
trouble with “the talk.” This is especially true of exes who are hyper sensitive to every-
thing.

So, here is how I am going to approach things on this stage.

I am going to operate under the assumption that you want your ex boyfriend to be
the one to initiate “the talk.” So, I am going to give specific game plans on what you
need to do to entice him into committing to you.

Of course, there are some cases where no matter what you do your ex still won’t be
the one to initiate things so you are going to be forced to be the one.

If you find yourself in this situation then don’t worry, I got your back.

I am also going to be providing strategies on how to do that.

So, essentially I am dividing this guide up into two sections.

Section 1- Getting HIM To Initiate The Relationship Talk

Section 2- YOU Initiating The Relationship Talk

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Pretty cool, huh?

Well, lets get right to it.

GETTING HIM TO INITIATE “THE TALK”

There are really two aspects to getting a man to initiate a talk where he asks you to
be his girlfriend again.

To illustrate these aspects I have decided to put together a little graphic.

153
For those of you who had trouble dissecting the graphic let me make things easier
for you.

Aspect 1 = Your ex boyfriend feeling influenced/affected enough to want to solidify a

relationship with you.

Aspect 2 = You dropping subtle hints that your ex picks up and eventually realizes
that you want him to ask you to be in a relationship again so he takes the initiative
and does it.

So, here is what I have decided to do.

I am going to dissect these aspects a little more in-depth (one aspect at a time) and
then once we fully have a grasp on them I am going to integrate the two and show
you how you need to use them to get your ex boyfriend to have “the talk” with you.

Sound good?

Ok, lets start with aspect 1.

ASPECT ONE: INFLUENCING HIM TO

HAVE “THE TALK”
How can I put this in a way so that you understand it with perfect clarity?

Hmm…

Ok, this is the best I can come up with.

A man is not going to do something (relationship wise) unless he feels a strong influ-
ence to do it.

Take my wife for example.

Some of the more hardcore fans of the Ex Recovery Team know that my wife and I
were in a long distance relationship for close to 5 months.

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One thing that she did phenomenally is hold such an influence over me that I was
willing to consider a move from Texas to Pennsylvania.

Every single day that I was in Texas my mind was consumed with one singular
thought,

“I have to find a way for us to be together permanently.”

It got to the point to where I was obsessive about it.

It was all I would think about and to be honest it kind of made me depressed to have
to wait around.

Obviously we all know how things ended up there.

Because of the influence my wife held over me I was willing to take some drastic
measures (like leaving my family and friends to move to PA to be with her.)

Now, lets play devils advocate here a bit.

Lets pretend that when my wife and I were dating that she didn’t hold that type of in-
fluence over me.

What do you think happens then?

Personally speaking, it was very hard to move away from my family. I am not quite
sure I realized the full extend of how hard it would be until I had moved. I mean, sub-
consciously I think I knew it would be hard but thinking it and experiencing it are two
different things.

Anyways, if I was dating my wife and she didn’t hold a big influence over me then I
guarantee you that moving wouldn’t have been in my vocabulary.

She probably would have just been some girl I had dated long distance for a while
and I would have been the same to her.

But she wasn’t…

She held an insane amount of influence over me.

155
So much, in fact, that I believed that I was going to marry her (I did.)

I guess the point of my whole spiel is to show you that without influence your ex boy-
friend isn’t going to be asking you to be his girlfriend again.

This begs an interesting question.

How do you gain the right type of influence over your ex boyfriend?

HOW TO GAIN INFLUENCE OVER

YOUR EX
There are a lot of ways of gaining influence over your ex again.

I want to start off by saying that going over every single one of those ways is going
to be impossible.

Why?

Because it may take an entire lifetime to explain them all.

So, instead of boring you with a long complicated explanation I am going to cover
the main factors that cause a man feel an insane amount of influence to his woman.

Sound good?

Factor 1- He Has To Think She Is Better Than Him

This is a weird one, huh?

I mean, it seems like it’s made up, doesn’t it?

I assure you it’s not.

You are talking to a man who was influenced by a woman to move all the way across
the country. Do you think I would have done that if I didn’t think the woman I was
moving across the country for was worth it?

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Of course not.

Rather, I had this innate belief that she was better than me and it intrigued me.

For example, I look like this,

She looks like this,

157
She is better looking than me.

Oh, what about intelligence?

Well, let me put it this way. When I am writing for this site and I get stuck and can’t
think of anything who do you think I go to?

HER!

Yup, she gets me right back on track and brings a new idea to the table that I would
have never thought of.

I guess the point I am trying to get at here is that part of the reason she fascinates
me is the fact that I have this innate belief that she is better than me and that gives
her influence over me.

Factor 2- You Can’t Be Too Available

Look, I get it.

You want your ex back.

Heck, some of you want him back so bad that you probably would be willing to sell
your soul for another chance.

I understand how bad you want him back but you want to know a secret?

The more you appear available to him the worse your chances of getting him back
are.

Too available to a man is essentially the same as being needy.

Once again I am going to go to the well that is my wife and I’s relationship.

You know one of the things that she did to me before we officially started dating?

We would be texting back and forth and I was really hooked into the conversations.
In fact, I was so hooked that I would be drooling like a dog waiting for my next re-
sponse. Unfortunately, the response wouldn’t come.

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Ugh…

Still makes me angry to this day.

Of course, while it made me angry it also intrigued me and made me want to find out
what was going to happen next.

Kind of like a good TV show that just ends abruptly…

All in all, it made me feel like I wasn’t the most important thing to her (which I wanted
to be.) I think this was important because it set this dynamic where I was always
craving her attention. If you are too available for your ex boyfriend then that dynamic
isn’t going to exist.

Factor 3- Flirting, Friend Zone, Flirting, Friend Zone

This is a relatively new idea that I have come up with but it’s rooted in some sound
logic.

Based on everything you have learned so far what is it about a woman that has a lot
of influence over a male?

Well, for one he has to feel like she is better than him and taking things a step further
he has to feel like he can’t get her. I don’t think it’s any secret that men are drawn to
things they can’t have.

Take me for example.

The last big purchase I made was on something that I told myself I couldn’t have.

My TV.

You see, my old TV was getting a little bit… well, old. So, I decided it would be time
to upgrade to a new TV.

I told myself that the maximum I was willing to spend on a TV was $1,200.

What do you think I ended up spending?

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$2,700…

Quite a bit over my limit, huh?

But why?

Why did I spend so much more than I had originally planned.

It’s because I kept getting seduced by TV’s that I told myself that I couldn’t have. As
a result, all the TV’s I couldn’t have looked ten times more attractive to me. In fact,
one had caught my eye so much that I actually pulled the trigger and bought it.

Bottom Line = Men Want What They Can’t Have

But how does this tie into gaining influence over your ex?

The tactic we are studying here, flirt, friend zone, flirt and friend zone is deeply prem-
ised on the fact that men want what they can’t have.

Think about it for a moment.

If you flirt with your ex boyfriend what is he going to naturally think?

That he can have you, right?

Well, right when your ex has this thought your are going to do something that makes
him think he is in the friend zone.

All of a sudden he can’t have you anymore so your attractiveness level slightly
raises.

Then after some time goes by you are going to un-friend zone him and make him
think he has a chance with you again by flirting a bit.

He can have you again, yay.

Of course, what happens next?

Yep, you guessed it you are going to friend zone him again making him think he
doesn’t have a shot again.

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As a result, your attractiveness level will raise.

This process repeats over and over again a few times until your exes attractiveness
level for you is to a point where he feels influenced enough to want to ask you out.

In fact, it’s probably a good idea for me to mention that this little tactic is excellent for
those of you who seem to have trouble with getting an ex interested in you. So, make
sure you put this to use if you find yourself in that predicament.

Lets move on to the next step of this process, dropping subtle hints.

DROPPING SUBTLE HINTS TO YOUR EX

BOYFRIEND
Ok, I want to start this section off with a statement.

When it comes to asking women to be an “official girlfriend” just assume that men
are stupid.

I know I was.

Would you like to know how I worked up the courage to ask my wife to be my girl-
friend way back when I was dating her?

We were out at a concert at a bar and there was some sort of “American day” going
on to support the troops.

Anyways, it just so happened that my wife was wearing an American shirt so the bar
owner asked her to go on stage and say the pledge of allegiance when the time was
right. When the time came she was called onto stage and I did what any guy who
was falling in love with a girl would do. I ran to the front of the stage to record the
whole thing with my phone.

It was interesting because she kept looking over my way and was constantly smiling
at me.

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Some of the people at the front of the stage began to take notice and one guy who
was standing next to me tapped on my shoulder and asked if that was my girlfriend.

Now, at this point of our relationship we hadn’t really talked about “labels” so I didn’t
know exactly what to say.

I paused for a moment and then I thought to myself,

“Ah, what the heck I am just going to say yes because I do want her to be.”

So I said yes.

I felt like I had just robbed a bank because I didn’t officially know if we were in a rela-
tionship yet.

Of course, that little tap on the shoulder from that guy gave me the courage to offi-
cially ask her out.

You see, I was stupid.

I should have had the guts to do it earlier but I was too scared I would get a “no” if I
did so I let the fear rule me.

Don’t ever think that asking a girl to be in a relationship with you is an easy task for a
guy.

We have been rejected more than you think and oftentimes that fear still rules us.

Sometimes we need a little help from you.

We need to know that you are thinking the same thing as us.

So, how do you do that?

How can you show a man or in this case your ex that you want to give things another
try?

By dropping subtle hints of course.

Here is what I am going to do for you.

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I am going to list some of the most successful ways to drop hints to your ex so even-
tually he will catch on and ask you to in a relationship again.

Sound good?

Lets get started.

Hint #1- Picturing An Activity Together In The Future

You and I dated before…

Ok, not really but for the purposes of this book we are going to pretend that we did
(don’t tell my wife.)

So, after our breakup we decide that we are going to meet for a cup of coffee.

A cup of coffee soon turns into dinner and a movie and the next thing we know we
are seeing each other more and more regularly.

In this particular instance how should you drop a hint that tells me that you want to
be more than friends?

Simple, by picturing a future activity together.

Lets pretend that we are talking about travel and how amazing it would be to travel
the world one day. Well, this would be an ideal time to say something like,

“You know what we should do? We should ride a train all the way across Melbourne
one day.”

The idea here is to pick your spots and sprinkle little comments like the one above in
as much as you can.

For example, if I talk about how much I love beaches then that is an opportune time
for you to say something like,

“You know what places has the best beaches in the world? Hawaii… We should go
there one day.”

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Comments like these can be oddly effective for making a main think,

“Wait, she wants to go to Melbourne and Hawaii with me? Wow, she must really like
me a lot.”

Comments like these essentially remove the risk of him getting a “no” for when he
does decide to ask you out.

Hint #2- Drop Hints For Romantic Dates

Want to know something interesting about men?

We like romance too.

To this day one of my fondest memories is when I told my wife that I love her for the
first time. We were walking on a beach, there was a full moon in the background and
the mood just felt right.

Telling her that I love her was a very big deal for me and by doing it I was basically
saying that I though so much of her that I would be willing to marry her in the future.

If that doesn’t spell commitment then I don’t know what does.

Here is the interesting thing about that little trip down memory lane.

Everything was perfect about it.

The mood was right…

The setting was right…

Everything was just… right.

What can I say, I like romance.

Sometimes getting a man to commit to you is all about his mood and in order to
make that mood right there has to be romance in the air.

Why not up your chances of romance by dropping subtle hints of the most romantic
places you know?

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For example, maybe there is this incredible restaurant overlooking the water called
“Chris’ Place” 😉 .

Well, in this case maybe you say something like this to him,

“You know, I have always wanted to go to Chris’ Place I heard the view there is un-
beatable.”

Oh, perhaps I should mention one tiny little thing before you drop a hint to go to a ro-
mantic place.

It’s important to remember that the whole idea of this hint is predicated around the
fact that HE has to feel the romance to ask you out. In other words, you have to sug-
gest a place that HE is going to find romantic.

Look, my idea of romance and my wife’s idea of romance can sometimes differ. It’s
the same most of the time but every once in a while we disagree on things like that.
So, before you suggest a romantic place to visit with him think really hard about his
interests and what HE finds romantic.

For example, if your ex boyfriend is the biggest monster truck fan in the world then
perhaps suggesting seeing a monster truck rally is the ideal spot for him to feel ro-
mance.

Get it?

Good, lets move on.

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YOU INITIATE “THE TALK”
Alright ladies... the special treatment is over.

Now it’s time for the men to get their special treatment!

Are you ready for your lesson on how to initiate the talk with your ex?

Yes?

Ok, let’s begin.

So, there are a lot of different ways I could have structured this section but I decided
to keep things as simple and easy as possible for you. Below I have compiled a
small list of the subsections within this section that we are going to talk about today.

• When You Have To Initiate “The Talk”

• Where To Initiate “The Talk”

• How To Initiate “The Talk”

Hey, all we are missing is the “who” and the “what.”

You know,

Who..

What..

Where…

When….

Ok, ok, I know that, that joke was pathetic but it sounded really good in my head be-
fore I typed it out.

Lets move on to talking about the “When.”

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“WHEN” YOU HAVE TO INITIATE THE
TALK
This ones easy.

In a perfect world you will do everything right when it comes to getting your ex back
and they will ultimately have “the talk” with you.

Unfortunately, we don’t live in a perfect world.

There are many times that no matter what you do your ex won’t touch a “relation-
ship” talk with you with a ten foot pole.

So, if this happens to you then you are going to be forced to take the lead on “the
talk.”

But when?

Have you ever heard the term synergy?

It’s basically a fancy way of saying that two parts working together get better results
than one thing working by itself.

I wrote this section with this in mind.

That’s why I divided it up into two different parts.

In case you forgot,

Part 1 = Influencing Your Ex To Have The Relationship Talk

Part 2 = You initiating The Relationship Talk With Your Ex

Oh wait... I told you to guys to skip part one...

Whoops...

167
Well, even though I wrote it directly for women I suggest that you take a moment to
go back and read the special treatment I gave them.

There are a lot of applicable ideas in there.

Anyways, there is a certain synergy about these two parts.

In other words, you must do everything you can to influence your ex (part 1) before
you move on to initiating the talk with them (part 2.)

It’s not a good idea for you to storm out of the gates asking your ex to be yours
again right off the bat. In fact, the only time I recommend doing that is after you have
tried everything in your power to influence them to have the talk with you.

Get it?

“WHERE” TO INITIATE THE TALK

Before I tell you about the ideal place to have “the talk” I want to take a moment to
explain an interesting psychological principle about people.

Hmm…

Perhaps it’s best that I do this by role playing.

Lets say that you have bad news that you have to tell me.

What’s the bad news?

Lets say my dog died.

Here is my question to you now, when is the ideal time to tell me this bad news?

When I am in a normal mood?

or

When I am in an incredible mood?

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In other words, which of these options will result in me having the best reaction to
this bad news?

When I am in an incredible mood of course.

(Come to think of it... I already talked a bit about this in a previous level, didn’t I?)

Well, having an important relationship talk with your ex kind of follows the same line
of thinking. I am more likely to say YES to being in a relationship with you if I am al-
ready in a great mood as opposed to a bad one or even a normal one.

Now, I bet you are wondering how this is relevant to where to initiate the talk.

The truth is that it’s very relevant because a lot of times a mans mood can shift
based on the location he is in.

Why Location Matters To The Talk

Hmm…

How can I put this in a very easy to understand way?

Ok, what do you think is going to be more effective for getting your ex in the right
mood to say YES to a relationship proposal,

Asking them over the phone?

or

Asking them in a romantic place?

I don’t think it takes a brain surgeon to realize that a person is going to be more
likely to say yes to a proposal in a romantic place.

But why?

Well, it goes back to that mood thing I was talking about above.

If you can get your ex in a great mood then it’s an ideal time to pounce with the rela-
tionship talk.

169
A lot of times the location you ask them in can have a direct correlation to how good
of a mood they are in. For example, if you were to ask me to be official with you over
a phone conversation I am going to be thinking to myself,

“This is kind of weird… No.”

However, if you were to suggest that we go to a nice restaurant overlooking a beach

with a full moon in the backdrop and then after dinner we were to walk along the
beach..

You know what, I am going to post a photo here for emphasis,

If you were to take me there and then initiate the talk I am going to think to myself,

“Wow, this is one of the most incredible things that has happened to me. It couldn’t
be any more perfect.”

Location does matter when it comes to this talk.

Trust me!

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HOW TO INITIATE “THE TALK”
This is the tricky part.

Everywhere I looked I couldn’t find any good information on how a person should ap-
proach this relationship talk with an ex.

So, I guess that makes this section in this book the first of it’s kind.

I really want this to be good so I am going to divide this little section up into three
sub-sections,

1. Finding The High Point

2. How To Initiate

3. What To Say

Now, if none of these sub-sections make any sense to you right now that’s ok. Re-
member, it’s my job to explain them to you. So, I guess I had better start.

Finding The High Point

You remember the principle of an ex being in a good mood that I talked about a few
pages ago in the “where to initiate the talk” section?

Well, we are going to size that down to a smaller scale right now.

It is true that you want your ex to be in the best mood possible (overall) when you
have this talk with them. However, you also want to pick the right spot in the conver-
sation to have this talk with them.

Where is that?

At the high point of course.

You see, in every single conversation there is a high point, a point where the conver-
sation can’t get any better than it already is before it slowly starts losing some

171
steam. It’s your job to find this point of the conversation with your ex when you are
talking to them.

Here’s a graphic I put together that is intended to represent a conversation between

you and your ex,

You didn’t happen to notice the arrow did you?

You did?

Oh good!

Well, that arrow represents the high point of the conversation.

Notice how after that point the conversation quality slowly but surely begins to dip.

What you want to do is initiate “the talk” at the high point of the conversation.

Look, I am all about percentages and when it comes to getting a yes answer to the
“lets be in a relationship again” question your best shot is to catch your ex when
they are going to be in the absolute best mood and that is going to be during the
high point of the conversation.

172
How To Initiate “The Talk”

First things first, you want to stay away from phrases like,

“We have to talk about something..”

or

“There’s something I need to talk to you about..”

Can you tell me what’s wrong with both of these phrases?

No?

They have a negative connotation behind them.

If you were to come up to me and say,

“I have to talk to you about something…”

The first thing I am going to think to myself is,

“God, what’s wrong?”

While there is a time and a place for these types of phrases (We will cover that soon)
this is not the time or the place.

Our goal here is to make this conversation as positive as possible.

In other words, you need to frame this baby in as positive a light as you possibly
can.

How do you go about doing that?

Instead of saying,

“I have something to talk to you about”

Try starting out with something like this,

“Whenever you are around my life just always seems to get better…”

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Notice how it’s a compliment.

Look, people love to be admired and if there was ever a time for you to turn on the
admiration it would be now.

So, start off with a compliment and then segue into the more juicy stuff.

What To Say During The Talk

Now that you know how to start the big talk off lets get into some of the more compli-
cated aspects.

The biggest mistake I see people make is the fact that try to convince their ex to
come back to them based on logic.

Look, logically trying to make a case to your ex to come back to you isn’t going to
work.

I’m sorry it just isn’t.

When it comes to making relationship decisions people are emotional.

So, my best piece of advice is to talk about how THEY feel.

Talk about the times when you knew for a fact that they were having strong positive
feelings in the relationship.

Once you have successfully done that then you can move on to the big ask.

Now, another mistake I see a lot of people making when it comes to the talk is that
they approach it from a weak position.

For example, they say something like,

“Do you… maybe.. possibly… want to be my boyfriend/girlfriend again?”

That’s so weak.

Look, don’t flat out ask them.

174
Just tell them what you think and let them respond.

For example,

“I think it would be a good idea for us to get together again.”

Notice how you didn’t technically ask them you just told them what you think should
happen.

Perhaps it would be a good idea for me to map out this whole process for you so
you can see it first hand.

Ok, below I am going to write up a sample of how “the talk” should go so you can
see it with your own two eyes.

(FYI we are going to pretend you are asking me to be in a relationship with you
again in this mock write up.... Sorry guys.)

“Chris, you know every single time we are together you just seem make my life bet-
ter. I have been thinking about that a lot lately. I have been thinking about our past
relationship and these past few weeks and I can tell you seem so happy. I can just
tell from your smile. Your big beautiful smile. It often reminds me of the time that we
could just sit on the couch, cuddle up and watch your favorite TV show. Oh, and
how could I forget the way we felt when we made love to each other. The more I
think about it the more I think about how well we compliment each other in a relation-
ship. Lately I have been feeling some very strong things towards you and I think it
would be a good idea for us to make things official.”

Notice how in this “mock up” I started with a compliment and then pretty much
talked about things that I knew I would appreciate to hear.

Plus there was a mention of sex…

Look, people like sex. Use that to your advantage.

Oh, and the ending was textbook.

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CHAPTER FOUR

THE “MOCK “
CAMPAIGN
Welcome to part two of PRO.

The “Mock” Ex Recovery Campaign!

Something tells me that you are going to

find this part of the book fascinating.
Now, before we hit the ground running I would like to explain how this chapter
works.

Because initially there may be some confusion.

Basically I am going to create a fake scenario where I am going to take you through
this entire process,

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The idea here is to show you how to put the game plan that I put together for you
into action.

Now, just because this is going to be a fake scenario doesn’t mean that I am going
to make things go smoothly.

My goal here is to make this as realistic as possible.

In fact, you may find that as I take you through this process we aren’t going to ad-
vance from level to level too easily.

So, are you ready to start?

Yes?

Ok, the first thing we need to do is set up the situation.

SETTING THINGS UP
In this mock campaign we are going to follow two made up characters.

Bob (The Boyfriend)

&

Cordelia (The Girlfriend)

Of course, with the way we have set this up I am only allowed to choose one to
control/consult through this mock campaign.

This proves to be an issue since we have both men and women reading this book.

So, who should I choose to control?

Well, since I like challenging myself I think I am going to control Cordelia...

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Now men... just because we are going to be using Cordelia’s perspective doesn’t
mean that what you read here won’t be applicable to your situation. I am going to
make this as gender neutral as possible.

Alright, so now the we have our “player” chosen let’s figure out what happened be-
tween good ole Cordy and Bob to cause them to break up.

You know what?

Now that I think about it this is kind of like a video game.

I am controlling Cordelia and my main goal is to convince Bob to take me back.

Soooooo Cooool!

Alright, now that I am done with my nerdgasim let’s get a bit of background on Cor-
delia and Bob’s relationship.

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WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN
CORDELIA AND BOB?
It was a cold winter day...

The sun was blotted out by the...

Oh wait, you probably don’t care about those details do you?

My bad...

My bad...

Cordelia and Bob had what I would classify as a “general breakup.” This means that
there was no cheating or other extracurricular circumstances involved in the
breakup.

It’s just that their relationship grew stale over time as they had been dating for 3
years and Bob often found himself wondering,

“I wonder if I can do better?”

Eventually a day came where Cordy and Bob got into a massive fight over some-
thing trivial and Bob snapped and broke up with Cordelia.

Like I said... it’s a pretty standard breakup.

And that’s our starting point.

That’s where we begin our little mock campaign.

Immediately after the breakup of Cordelia and Bob.

You ready?

Let’s begin!

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(MOCK So...
CAMPAIGN) Here we are.

THE NO Bob has just left Cordelia heartbroken.

CONTACT What now?

RULE What’s the best way to approach getting him back?

Well, the first thing that Cordelia probably want’s to do

is beg for Bob back.

It’s something I see a lot.

But this rarely works.

Besides, it’s not like you are going to have a great

foundation for the future if you begged for your ex
back and they took you back.

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The entire time you date them you are just going to worry that all it will take for an-
other breakup to occur is for them to fly off the handle and get into a fight with you.

The smartest thing that Cordelia can do at this point is to go into a no contact rule.

But for how long?

HOW LONG OF A NO CONTACT

RULE SHOULD SHE DO?
Cordelia’s breakup is classified as a “general breakup.” Meaning that it isn’t really
that bad.

Therefore we can get away with going with a smaller no contact rule like the 21 day
rule.

If you recall there are three time frames that I recommend with the no contact rule.

1. The 21 Day Rule

2. The 30 Day Rule

3. The 45 Day Rule

So, should we do the 21 day rule?

Hmm... logic says yes but my gut is telling me something different.

I honestly think that for what I want Cordelia to do during the no contact period it’s
going to take longer than 21 days.

I think we can put those 9 extra days for the 30 day rule to good use. So, that’s what
I am going to make her do.

The 30 day rule.

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Now the question turns to what she should be doing during the 30 day no contact
rule.

Well, now it’s time to plan with something I like to call...

THE CALENDAR METHOD!

WHAT IS THE CALENDAR METHOD?

The no contact rule yields the highest fail rate out of all the strategies that I recom-
mend throughout this book.

However, my own research has also proven that the no contact rule is without a
doubt the most effective method for getting an ex back.

So, that puts us in quite the predicament since we absolutely have to do the no con-
tact rule if we want to raise our chances of getting an ex back.

But most people who try it end up failing.

It’s hard to ignore someone you want back so badly.

It’s hard to freeze them out when every inch of your body and soul wants to talk to
them.

And all it takes is for them to reach out one time with a simple message like,

183
For you to throw all your hard work away and respond.

In fact, just the other day someone asked me,

“Chris, you should write an article about what you can do to prevent yourself from
breaking the no contact rule.”

It really got me thinking...

What can you do?

And there was really only one idea that I came up with that I thought would be effec-
tive.

What was the idea?

Make yourself so busy that you have no choice but to not think about your ex.

And that’s what the calendar method is all about.

Here is the gist of it.

I want you to go out and buy a calendar...

Yes, an actual calendar.

One of these things!

Once you have bought the calendar I want you to take a picture and send it to me.

184
My number is 267... no just kidding.

Once you have your calendar we are going to map out everything you are going to
do during your thirty days of no contact.

Remember, our idea here is to make yourself so busy that you have no choice but to
NOT focus on your ex.

What activities are you going to be doing?

Well, that’s where part one of this book comes into play.

You remember a little something called “The Gatsby Method,” right?

You remember the holy trinity?

We are going to basically incorporate these into the activities the calendar.

Here’s how it works.

DIVING DEEPER INTO THE

CALENDAR METHOD
We are going to focus mostly on the holy trinity here since the holy trinity and the
gatsby method are very closely intertwined.

If you forgot what the holy trinity is then here is a quick refresher.

1. Health

2. Wealth

3. Relationships

It is universally agreed upon that these are the three most important aspects of a hu-
man beings life. Therefore, we want Cordelia to maximize these three aspects of her
life to the fullest during the no contact rule.

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But what can she do to improve these aspects of life?

Let’s find out.

How Cordelia Can Improve Her Health

There are a number of ways that she can improve her health.

The most obvious one is working out. But what most people don’t talk about is the
fact that health can also include mental health.

Therefore, we are going to make Cordelia pick up a new hobby so she feels more
happy emotionally.

But what hobby?

Well, we want this hobby to be powerful enough to impress her ex.

Hmm...

Well, there was that one time that Bob mentioned he always had a weird fetish for
women who spoke french.

Maybe Cordelia should take french lessons?

What do you think?

Yay?

Nay?

Well, that’s what I am choosing.

So, the big things that Cordelia is going to have to do to improve the health aspect
of her life are,

• Getting Into Incredible Shape (Losing 10lbs)

• Learning French

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How Cordelia Can Improve Her Wealth

There are three things that I want to Cordelia to do here.

1. Coming up with a business idea that interests her

2. Determining if the business will work for online marketing

3. Taking the idea and creating a website for it

I remember the very first time that I decided that I wanted to have a career online. I
was 19 years old and my brother (who was 14) had just sold a website online for
$500.

I know...

I know...

That doesn’t sound like a lot but at the time to me... that was.

It fascinated me how he was able to sell a website online for money. It was an entire
world that I didn’t even know existed.

So I researched and researched and I soon learned that it was very possible in to-
day’s day and age to have a career online.

The idea of just having a lifestyle where I didn’t have to wake up early... where I
could make my own hours and work for myself appealed to me.

Financial freedom.

It’s a beautiful thing.

Hard to achieve but beautiful.

And that’s what I want for Cordelia.

I want her to start working towards a goal.

187
And I want her to have a lifestyle where she doesn’t have to dress up to go to work. I
want her to make her own hours.

I want her to be able to be her own boss and the best way I can think of for her to do
that is to create a business like mine.

An online business.

Of course, you probably don’t care at all about that do you?

Well... you probably do care about that but you care more about how this relates to
your ex.

But before I get to that we still have one aspect of the trinity to cover.

How Cordelia Can Improve Her Relationships

Have you ever heard of the idea of social capital?

Well, in order for me to explain that I first need to define what capital is.

In business capital simply means,

Wealth in the form of money or other assets owned by a person or organization.

That definition is take directly from Google.

(I just want to make sure I give credit where credit is due.)

So, if capital means “wealth in the form of money” then social capital means,

“Wealth in the form of friends and family.”

It’s like your support network.

And it’s something that Cordelia going to rely on very heavily going forward.

I want Cordelia to expand her social capital.

In addition to that I want her to cultivate her existing social capital.

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It’s a two pronged approach.

CREATE CULTIVATE
MORE EXISTING
SOCIAL SOCIAL
CAPITAL CAPITAL

In other words, Cordelia needs to make more friends (creating more capital) while at
the same time spending more time with her existing friends (cultivating those relation-
ships.)

Now, I know what you are thinking.

“How the hell is Cordelia supposed to make more friends?”

Well, do you remember that hobby that I asked Cordelia to have with French les-
sons?

That’s a great place to make friends, don’t you think?

But enough of this.

Now that Cordelia has her marching orders let’s map out how she should spend her
30 day no contact rule.

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Phew... that is one busy calendar huh?

What I’d like to do now is dissect everything that I put on the calendar for you. So, in
all there are 8 items listed on this calendar (many are repeated.)

1. Workout

2. Business Idea Research

3. French Lesson

4. Hang With Friends

5. Business Viable

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6. Start Creating Website

7. Start Prepping Texts

8. Having Your Texts Prepared

Let’s take a moment and dissect what each of these things mean to Cordelia.

The Workout (Health)

This is without a doubt the most repeated item on the calendar.

You will notice that “workout” shows up only on weekdays (Monday through Friday)

I gave Cordelia the weekend off from her workout schedule.

Everyone needs to rest every now and then, right?

Business Idea Research (Wealth)

Having this on the calendar serves two purposes.

Purpose One: It distracts Cordelia from thinking about her ex.

Purpose Two: It serves as a confidence booster since Cordelia is going to be work-

ing to secure financial freedom in her life.

It’s important that Cordelia only chooses a business idea that appeals to her. I want
her to be super passionate about it.

I want her to get excited about it.

French Lesson (Health, Relationships)

I know what you are thinking.

How is this both health and relationships?

Well, if you recall my little speech about creating more social capital you would re-
member that I said taking french lessons is an ideal place to meet new people.

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AKA: making new friends.

Now, generally when you take lessons of some sort it’s a once a week type of a deal
and that’s the case with these french lessons since they are every Thursday.

Hanging Out With Friends (Relationship)

It’s important for Cordelia to cultivate her existing relationships.

I want her to feel like she has an amazing support group to fall back on and the only
way that happens is if she gives her friends some face time.

Besides, it’s always fun hanging out with friends.

She needs to make this a weekly thing.

The more times she can see her friends the better.

Why?

IT GETS HER MIND OFF OF BOB!

Making Sure The Business Idea Is Viable (Wealth)

When it comes to business the hardest thing to do is to find something you are pas-
sionate about that can actually make money.

The two don’t always mesh.

That’s where determining if Cordelia’s business idea is viable comes into play.

We want to make sure that Cordelia isn’t going to waste her time working towards an
idea that isn’t going to yield any results down the road.

So, the question now becomes how?

How do we prevent that from happening?

Well, I have always been a fan of Occam's razor.

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Meaning that often times the simplest solution is often the best one. So, if Cordelia
does research and finds that other people are able to make money using a similar
business idea then it tracks that she should be able to as well.

Start Creating A Website For The Business (Wealth)

A couple of things to note here.

Thing #1: Learning to create a website will distract Cordelia from obsessing about
Bob.

Thing #2: It will help her tremendously as she will create something that she has full
ownership of and that’s a great feeling.

Trust me... I know!

The Text Messages (Relationships)

You may notice that towards the end of the calendar I start talking about how Corde-
lia should start preparing text messages to send to her ex boyfriend.

If you forgot level two of our game plan here is a quick refresher,

Cordelia needs to have an idea of what she needs to text her ex so that she is fully
prepared when the time comes.

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Now, as for what she should text?

I will get to that in a moment.

First things first, we need to talk a bit about how Bob reacted to her doing the no con-
tact rule.

BOB REACTS TO THE NO CONTACT

RULE
Before the no contact rule even begins Bob has a thought.

“I am going to make her text me first.”

It’s a relatively common thought that I myself have had after a breakup before.

But Cordelia isn’t common.

She doesn’t yield to the no contact rule like 95% of the women out there.

Nope, she just does her no contact rule. It isn’t until right around here...

That Bob starts to think,

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“Man, she may not end up texting me...”

This worries him and causes him to panic.

So, what does he do?

He texts her!

It’s at this point that Cordelia is faced with a decision.

Does she respond to the text?

OR

Does she continue to ignore it.

Well, if you remember this little section in part one of this book then you would re-
member that there are seven factors that someone has to consider if they are going
to break the no contact rule.

1. The Length Of The Relationship

2. How Long You Have Been In NC For

3. If This Was Your First Breakup

4. Where You Are In Your Personal Recovery

5. What Caused The Breakup

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6. Who Initiated The Breakup

7. THE GOLDEN FACTOR!

And in order to have my permission to break the no contact rule Cordelia needs to
obtain a minimum of FOUR of these factors (including the Golden Factor.)

Now, I don’t know about you but Bob reaching out and simply asking,

“How are you?”

Isn’t going to be enough for Cordelia to break the no contact rule early.

CORDELIA STRUGGLES WITH THE

NO CONTACT RULE
Most people who try the no contact rule think it will be easy.

They think that they can ignore an ex for 21 to 45 days without much trouble.

But reality often tells a very different story.

Based on what I have observed there is a point in the no contact rule where people
often fail.

They hit a wall.

And this is what happens to Cordelia.

She begins the no contact rule very optimistically and sticks to my advice word for
word. But around day seven something starts to happen to her.

She begins to miss Bob.

She misses those intimate moments...

That one time that he made her laugh so much that she exclaimed,

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“STOP IT! You’re going to make me PEE!”

She remembers how she would often admire his looks when he wasn’t paying atten-
tion.

These memories hit her all at once and make her really emotional.

So emotional that she has a thought.

“Why am I doing this? This is so stupid. I was always taught to communicate and
this is the exact opposite of that.”

It’s this thought that often leads to someone failing the no contact rule.

Cordelia needs to be aware that this sudden rush of feelings for Bob is going to
fade.

Not today...

Not tomorrow...

But in a few weeks.

Like I said, I have seen people consistently hit this wall between days 7 - 10 of the
no contact rule and this is where people often give in to texting their ex.

Luckily, Cordelia is aware that this “rush of feelings” will fade.

She has enough foresight to realize that and decides not to give in to her urges to
break the no contact rule.

BOB PUSHES HARD TO GET A RESPONSE

Exes are fascinating creatures.

Sometimes when you are in a relationship with them they want nothing to do with
you.

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However, when you start ignoring them all of a sudden all they want from you is atten-
tion.

Such is the case with Bob.

You see, when it came to his relationship with Cordelia, Bob wasn’t exactly the most
attentive man to walk the earth.

However, now that Cordelia is actively ignoring him Bob starts using all the tricks he
has up his sleeve to get her to respond.

The Casual Reach Out...

The “Guilt” Reach Out...

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The Angry Reach Out...

Most women fall victim to these attempts to get them to break the no contact rule
and it’s easy to see why.

Take the guilt reach out as an example.

When a man tries to guilt a woman into talking to him the woman will often think to
herself,

“Maybe I am as rude as he is making me out to be?”

“Maybe he doesn’t deserve the way I am treating him.?”

But that doesn’t even compare to what a woman is going to think if they have an ex
who reaches out to them in an angry way.

Instead of thinking,

“This is so cool... He is giving me more attention now as opposed to when we were

together.”

They think,

“Oh no... what if I scare him off?”

“What if he gets so angry that he won’t talk to me.”

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Cordelia doesn’t fall victim to this kind of thinking.

She realizes that in the grand scheme of things it really isn’t going to matter if she up-
sets Bob by ignoring him for a month.

Besides, from everything I have ever seen it’s highly unlikely that ignoring an ex for a
month is enough to ruin your chances. In fact, my research proves that the opposite
is true.

So, Cordelia successfully makes it through the no contact rule.

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(MOCK I am not going to lie.
CAMPAIGN) Out of all the phases of my “process” texting is the

TEXTING
one phase where I get the most questions.

“How do I do this?”

“What do I say in this situation?”

“How long do I wait to respond?”

There is just so much to cover so I am going to try to

make this as comprehensive that I can.

But first let’s do a quick recap of where we are with re-

gards to our mock campaign.

Cordelia and Bob have broken up.

As a result, Cordelia has decided to implement the

no contact rule.

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During the no contact rule Cordelia has been doing a great job of freezing Bob out.

In addition to that she has also been working to implement things like,

The Gatsby Method

&

The Holy Trinity

After 30 long days the time has come for Cordelia to move on to the next phase of
the process, texting.

But let’s back up a bit.

Do you remember this?

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If you study the no contact rule calendar you will notice that on Day 27, 29 and 30 I
make a big deal out of “prepping texts.”

That’s where I would like to start with texting.

PREPARING THE PERFECT FIRST

CONTACT TEXT MESSAGE
Ah, the first contact text message.

Without a doubt this is one of the most important messages you can send to your ex.

Hmm..

How can I put this in a way so that you understand just how important the first con-
tact text message is.

Let’s pretend that you are playing a game of soccer.

Throughout this entire game you and only you get three shots on the goal to score.

Here’s where things get tricky.

By the time the end of the game rolls around, you are the one who ultimately de-
cides whether or not your team wins.

All you need to do is score one goal, out of those three attempts, and you will win.

If you don’t score a goal at all, you will end the game in a tie (which for our purposes
we are going to look at as a loss).

Well, first contact text messages work in the same way.

Realistically, you will usually have about three chances to pull one off.

Where did I come up with the three factor?

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I have been doing this for several years and have communicated with well over
50,000 men and women who are trying to get their exes back.

Generally speaking, after three attempts to reach out after a no contact rule (which
you just learned about), the situation will either have progressed or not.

So, lets say that you reach out to your ex three times after the no contact rule and
they don’t respond to you at all.

Well, then from what I have seen you probably don’t have a great chance of getting
them back.

In other words, preparing a perfect first contact text message is ESSENTIAL to your
success.

So, what does Cordelia have to do to prepare the perfect first contact message?

Good question.

THE STABILIZING EFFECT

A first contact text message needs one thing to be considered successful. Care to
take a guess on what that one thing is?

.....

Anyone?

Anyone?

Bueller...

Ok, in order for a first contact text message to be successful, you need to get a
POSITIVE RESPONSE from your ex.

You can revisit exactly what a positive response is here.

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On my websites, I have made reference to the fact that if you can get any type of re-
sponse with a first contact text message, then that is better than nothing and I still
stand by that statement. But the truth is that you aren’t here for a negative or neutral
response.

You didn’t spend money to buy this book to get negative responses to your text mes-
sages.

No, you bought this book because you want positive responses and I am going to
show you how you can increase your odds in order to receive those types of re-
sponses.

Have you ever sat back and wondered,

“Why is it called a first contact text message?”

Well, the truth is that, that name is really derived from the no contact rule.

Take Cordelia and Bob as an example.

Cordelia used the no contact rule on Bob.

If initially she was to try to win Bob back without the no contact rule, do you think she
would have a better chance of reasoning with him while he is highly emotional or a
little more stable?

When he is more stable, right?

The no contact rule served as a way for Cordelia and Bob to chill out....

To stabilize!

Both parties need to be stable emotionally in order to come to an agreement that

they want to get back together.

The no contact rule can expedite that process a bit.

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Oh, and let’s not forget that there is the small, added benefit that Bob could poten-
tially miss Cordelia so much that he asks her to come back, without her even having
to do anything.

Anyways, the point I am trying to get at here is that the no contact rule is a period of
time where Cordelia completely took an extended “time out” from her ex.

Hence, her first contact text message will be the first time she actually contacts Bob
AFTER the no contact rule.

Like I said though, she really has only have around three shots on goal before she
could potentially fail, so we need to make her first contact text message a good one.

Lets talk about that now.

DECONSTRUCTING THE PERFECT

FIRST CONTACT TEXT MESSAGE
Above, I stated that in order for a first contact text message to be successful, Corde-
lia has to get a positive response from Bob.

How can we increase our chances of having that happen?

By ABI of course.

What the heck is ABI?

ABI is an acronym that I came up with that stands for Always Be Interesting. ABI- Al-
ways Be Interesting

Hmm...

How can I explain this in a way that will make you understand?

Oh, I know!

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Ok, this is going to sound super weird, but just roll with it because I promise there is
a point to this.

I am a big fan of Batman. Yes, Bruce Wayne...

I am a big fan of his story.

How his parents got killed in front of him as a child. How he used that horrifying ex-
perience as motivation for cleaning up Gotham. How he used his own fear of bats to
strike fear in the hearts of criminals.

While I must admit Batman has an interesting backstory, would you like to know what
I think makes him the most interesting comic book superhero today?

It’s the villains that he has to face.

Penguin...

Two Face...

The Riddler...

Mr. Freeze....

Catwoman....

These villains are arguably the most memorable out there and they all belong to Bat-
man’s story.

But even out of all of those villains there is one that stands out.

The one I didn’t mention.

The one that you were probably expecting me to say first, but I didn’t...


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The Joker...


What an interesting character.

He’s a psychotic clown killer that has absolutely no rules.

He just likes chaos.

He just likes trying to make Batman break his rule of “not killing anybody.”

You have to admit that any time you watched a batman movie, you were just capti-
vated when he had a scene.

Immediately, the movie that is coming to mind is The Dark Knight.

Heath Ledger portrayed The Joker and literally won an academy award because of
it.

His performance was so interesting that at one point of the movie I was thinking,

“Get Batman off the screen... I want to see The Joker.”

While he is a weird example to use, the Joker is definitely an example of the “Always
Be Interesting” acronym.

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So, how can we bring out Cordelia’s inner Joker and make sure that Bob is capti-
vated by her every time she texts him?

I think I have just the technique.

I WON A MILLION DOLLARS

TECHNIQUE
Imagine that you woke up tomorrow morning and received this text message,

Now, being the skeptical person that you are, you go to your computer and check
your bank account and sure enough there has been $1,000,000 deposited into your
account.

How would that make you feel?

(Pun totally intended)

Like a million bucks, right? :p

Well, what I want Cordelia to do is to find a way to send a first contact text message
to Bob that will make him feel this way.

This will probably require a deep understanding of what makes him tick.

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For example, many of you probably know that I am a married man.

Yup... sorry ladies, I am off the market and I am going to be staying that way for the
rest of my life.

Anyways, if I were to think of a first contact text message to send to my wife, I would
definitely leverage the knowledge I have of her.... knowledge that I know she would
respond to.

What is that knowledge?

HOT AIR BALLOONS!

She is absolutely obsessed with them.

(Side Note: When I proposed to her, I got her a trip to Paris and a private ride in a
hot air balloon.)

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Anyway, if I were to send her a text message like this,

She would respond to it.

(I even asked her just now to make sure she would if I had originally used a NC rule
on her.)

Every person walking this earth has their own personal leverage point that you can
find and use to your advantage.

Thus, Cordelia needs to leverage what she knows about Bob and use that to her ad-
vantage to get a positive response out of him after she sends her first contact text
message.

So, let’s create a text message for Cordelia based on what she knows about Bob.

Fun Facts About Bob

• Loves his truck

• Game of Thrones is his favorite show

• He’s very passionate about his dog

• Likes to work out

• Is a huge fan of Tennis

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Now, our goal here is to construct the perfect first contact text message for Cordelia
based on the knowledge that she has about Bob.

Hmm...

Out of these five data points there is one that really speaks to me.

The truck!

Why?

Because Bob absolutely adores his truck and I have a clever idea that I want Corde-
lia to try out.

But let’s start with the basics.

We are going to use Bob’s truck as our leverage point in our first contact text mes-
sage.

But there are two ways that we can go about it.

We can use the basic first contact template.

OR

We can try something a bit riskier.

Personally... the riskier option sounds funner to me BUT I would like to show Cordelia
all of her options so let’s talk about how we can leverage the truck to our advantage
in a basic first contact message.

THE BASIC TEMPLATE

The most basic template behind the first contact message almost always revolves
around five words.

“Made me think of you”

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Consider my “fake” first contact text message to my wife.

As you can see I used those exact five words.

Well, we can do something very similar with Bob’s truck.

The key here is finding the right leverage point.

The only way that this ever works is if Cordelia properly identifies the right interest
within Bob.

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For example, if she picks a leverage point that is boring to him she is probably not
going to get a response and for every time that he doesn’t respond her chances of
success in getting him back lower.

Of course, the basic template for a first contact text message bores me a bit if you
were to ask me to be honest with you.

Personally, I prefer the “shock and awe” approach.

THE SHOCK AND AWE APPROACH

I know this is a totally lame reference but I am all for lame references.

Have you ever seen that movie “Hitch?”

It’s about a dating coach who teaches men, who can’t get girls to... well... get girls.

But you can see why the movie appeals to me, a relationship consultant. Anyways,
there was always one scene in the movie that cracks me up.

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Hitch, who is played by Will Smith, is teaching a man named Albert, who is played
by Kevin James,

Hitch: What is the objective?

Albert: [softly] Shock and awe.

Hitch: That was shockingly awful. What is the objective?

Albert: Shock and awe.

Basically Hitch is trying to teach Albert that in order to get a woman’s attention then
you need to do something shocking and immediately follow it up by something that
makes her go awe.

I’d like to steal this little method and apply it to Cordelia’s ex. I want her to text some-
thing shocking that get’s a response and then immediately follow it up with an “awe”
statement.

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Let me give you an example.

With the basic template we determined that one of Bob’s passions was his truck. I’d
like to leverage this again by making a statement that isn’t exactly true.

This is a completely false statement and it’s main purpose is to make Bob go,

“Wait, I wasn’t driving a second ago. I have been at home the entire time.”

Ultimately his need to correct Cordelia’s statement is going to kick in,

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So, we have completed the “shock” part. Now it’s time to complete the “awe” part.

But how?

Well, we just tap that leverage point one more.

The “awe” part can be difficult to pull off because if you aren’t careful you are going
to make it seem like you have been obsessing over your ex the entire time you have
been in the midst of a no contact period.

Cordelia is smart about how she does it here though because she makes it into an
actual sweet statement.

After all, the “awe” statement is supposed to make Bob feel good.

So, the question on the table now is, “what’s next?”

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NEXT IT’S TIME TO END THE
CONVERSATION
I know...

I know...

It’s cruel to end a conversation so quickly with an ex after you spent all this time ac-
tively ignoring them/preventing yourself to contact them but it has to be done.

If you remember my teachings on tide theory you would remember that it’s important
to slowly build up to sending a lot of texts back and forth.

Thus, the first contact text is Cordelia’s starting point and she should end the conver-
sation immediately after receiving this response,

But how?

218
How do you end a conversation so quickly.

Well, there are two ways that I typically like to recommend.

1. The No Response

2. The Nice Response

THE NO RESPONSE
When it comes to texting I am a very big fan of ending the conversation first. I have
always felt that the person who does that ends up with more power.

Why?

Well, it leaves the other party wanting more.

For example, imagine if every single time Cordelia talked to Bob through texts she
allowed Bob to end the conversation first.

She just texted him to her hearts desire and after the conversation lasted far too long
Bob ended the conversation first.

All of a sudden, instead of leaving Bob with this constant need to get a response he
finds himself thinking,

“Man, she is just as annoying and needy as I remember.”

Thus, it’s important that Cordelia aims to end the conversation first as many times as
she possibly can.

By doing this Bob is going to think,

“Where did she go? I didn’t want the conversation to end yet.”

And one of the best ways to accomplish an end to the conversation is to simply stop
responding.

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For example, let’s say that Bob responds to a text Cordelia sends.

It’s at this point that Cordelia has a choice. She can either respond to Bob’s re-
sponse or simply end the conversation by not responding.

Honestly the no response “conversation end” is pretty self explanatory.

Where things get interesting is with the nice response.

THE NICE RESPONSE

The nice response is just that.

It’s a nice way of ending the conversation.

Though maybe that’s not the best way to describe it. I mean, technically you are go-
ing to lie.

220
Ya...

I know it sounds weird but bear with me here.

Let’s say that after receiving a response from Bob, Cordelia decides to end the con-
versation with a nice response.

That’s going to look like this,

Work really wasn’t calling.

But Cordelia needed an acceptable excuse to end the conversation and this is it.

Pretty self explanatory again to be honest with you.

Let’s talk about what to do next.

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THE TEXTING CALENDAR
You remember “the no contact rule calendar” right?

Well, when I was putting this section together I figured it would be easier to structure
things if we had a pre-set timeline to constantly reference.

And since the calendar idea worked out so great with the no contact rule I figured I
would replicated it for the texting portion.

Pretty cool, right?

Upon seeing the texting calendar for the first time I bet you took notice of the fact
that it’s significantly smaller than the no contact rule calendar.

This was by design since you typically aren’t going to spend 30 days texting back
and forth with your ex before you push for a call.

Thus, Cordelia’s texting phase is going to last a total of 12 days.

Why 12?

Honestly there is no set rule on how long it will take to text an ex.

222
Sometimes it could be shorter than 12 days and sometimes longer.

It’s just I wanted to condense this mock campaign for you a bit so I picked 12 days
since that’s how long it’s going to take for our purposes.

Anyways let’s get right down to it and dive into the texting calendar.

I have already taught you all about the first contact text message so we can check
that day off and move on to day 2!

I know what your thinking!

“But Chris... it’s blank?”

THE BLANK DAYS

The blank days on the calendar serve a purpose for Cordelia. Ideally they are sup-
posed to leave Bob with the feeling of wanting more.

However, the very first blank day (day 2) is to keep with my teachings on tide theory
and “the full moon rise,” except instead of ignoring Bob for half a day Cordelia is go-
ing to ignore him for a full day.

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Again, this is pretty self explanatory.

Let’s move on and talk about day 3!

ESTABLISHING RAPPORT (DAY 3)

Have you ever looked up the definition of rapport before? Let me save you the excite-
ment,

Rapport - relation marked by harmony, conformity and accord

In other words, when I tell Cordelia to build “rapport” with her ex, I am really saying
that she needs to re-establish the ability to live harmoniously, agree with Bob about
stuff, recognize Bob for what he is to her and to project the fact that she likes him.

Lets go a little deeper with this line of thinking.

Cordelia and Bob broke up.

Breakups = Anger, Sadness, Depression, Anger...

Rapport = Happiness, Harmony, Conformity and Accord

In other words, rapport is the exact opposite of a breakup.

By building rapport with an ex, you are training them to look at you in a positive light
again, as opposed to having them look at you through the lens of a breakup.

But how is rapport built?

Good question. It turns out that it takes a good bit of effort. So Cordelia needs to be
prepared to invest time and effort with Bob to master this.

The definition of rapport has certain adjectives that are associated with it. Those ad-
jectives are,

• Harmony

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• Conformity

• Accord

When Cordelia texts her ex, I want her to hit on each of these things.

What I am going to do is go down the list one by one and give you examples of how
to do this.

Lets start with Harmony

BUILDING HARMONY THROUGH

TEXTS
Harmony is also known as agreement. How can I best describe this?

Ok, have you ever been texting back and forth with someone and the two of you are
getting along great?

And then the person you were talking to says something about your favorite TV show
and how incredible it is.

You started off enjoying the conversation and liking the person you were talking to,
but after they mentioned the TV show it moved your attractiveness for them to a new
level.

Any time that you can agree on a topic, it’s really great for establishing rapport.

I want you to take a moment to think of a few of the things that you and your ex
agree about.

Once you have come up with some ideas, I want you to take out a piece of paper
and jot them down because these are going to be your best “harmony rapport build-
ing texts.”

So, what kind of rapport building texts can Cordelia use on Bob here?

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Well, if you recall a few sections ago when I was talking about the first contact text
messages I came up with a list of Bob’s interests.

Here is a quick refresher of that list,

• Loves his truck

• Game of Thrones is his favorite show

• He’s very passionate about his dog

• Likes to work out

• Is a huge fan of Tennis

What I want Cordelia to do here is hit on each of these things in the midst of a con-
versation at some point.

She doesn’t have to hit on each of them in one conversation but when this process is
all said and done she needs to have expressed interest in each one of these topics.

So, let’s say that on Day 3 of this process Cordelia decides that she wants to imple-
ment the first rapport building attempt.

How does she do that?

How does she start the conversation?

How long does the conversation last?

Easy, I recommend wrapping a rapport builder in with a first contact text message.
except this time she doesn’t have to worry about the shock and awe approach.

Let’s use the famous TV show, Game of Thrones, as an example of how this is done.

Imagine that Cordelia sends this text immediately upon viewing a GOT episode,

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And once Bob responds to this Cordelia is going to want the conversation to last a
tad bit longer than their first conversation (on Day 1) but she is still going to have to
keep it relatively brief.

Let’s say a total of 5 messages back and forth.

Here is how that would look,

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Do you see how that was longer than the first contact text message but it still didn’t
go over board.

That’s your goal for day 3.

Day 4 is where things start to heat up.

BUILDING CONFORMITY AND ACCORD

(DAY 4)
By conformity, I mean that Cordelia and Bob’s attitude on certain things need to
match.

Hmm...

The best way I can describe this is by Cordelia matching her personal beliefs with
something that Bob believes.

So, I am going to teach you a method on how to do that.

Let’s say that Cordelia and Bob are talking about having sex before marriage.

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Yup, I totally went there.

Now, since Cordy is an avid church goer we are going to be very biblical about this
and say that she believes that having sex before marriage is wrong.

She thinks that a couple should be married and in love before they make love.

As it turns out, Bob believes that you shouldn’t have sex before marriage either.

Well, this is an opportune time for her to let Bob in on that fact.

In other words, it’s a perfect time to let them in on the fact that you conform to the
same beliefs that they do.

Now, this will require some work on Cordelia’s part since she is going to have to lis-
ten to when her ex goes on a rant about something.

Hmm...

Maybe she remembers a time when Bob was complaining about waking up early for
work so she sends this text,

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If you conform to the same beliefs that your ex does and THEY start going on a rant
about that belief, then make sure that they know you support them.

Lets move on to our next rapport builder.

BUILDING ACCORD
I am going to let you in on a little secret about human beings.

We all like to feel powerful. When we grant someone the recognition of the fact that
they are powerful.... it can be very empowering.

Let me tell you a little story about a guy I know that perfectly proves this point.

To protect his identity we are going to call him... JOE.

So, Joe is someone I know who is obsessed with money. More particularly, the
power that money gives him.

How do I know this about him? This is the guy who once said,

“When I walk into a room I look around and think to myself, I make more money than
everyone here.”

This guy LOVED feeling powerful from money and I am betting that if you made 12
million dollars a year, then you would let that go to your head a little bit too.

Anyways, what if you sent small, little rapport building texts that made your ex feel
as powerful as Joe?

Do you think Bob would like that if Cordelia did that for him?

The correct answer is YES!

You see, I have this theory that human beings are drawn to things that make them
feel good and run from things that make them feel bad. Sounds pretty basic, but I
am amazed how people forget to incorporate this in their interpersonal relationships.

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While you do want to be careful to not feed your ex’s ego too much, there is nothing
wrong with making them feel a little powerful.

How can you do this?

Once again, I am going to ask you to call upon your extensive knowledge of them
and think back to some of the things they bragged about while they were with you.

For example, if Bob bragged that they were an all star student athlete, then Cordelia
is going to want to compose a text that looks like this,

There can be many variations of text messages like this. It really depends on what
your Ex brags about.

But just to stay in the swing of things, here are a few text messages that could be
used on me to make me feel more powerful.

In other words, if my wife were to use these on me, they would work like gangbus-
ters!

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I think you get the idea.

This is a rapport building ego stroke for an ex.

It’s as simple as that.

So, now that you know the basics let’s look at how Cordelia’s “Day 4” will play out.

Remember, we have two goals on Day 4.

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Goal One: Conformity

Goal Two: Accord

Now, if you recall I imposed a 5 message limit on Day 3. Well, we are going to be
loosening the reigns here a bit in Day 4 as you will have 14 texts to play with.

Below I have put together a graphic of what an ideal conversation with Bob is going
to look like on Day 4,

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This probably needs some explaining.

If you look at the graphic you will notice that there are a total of 3 main types of text
messages (not including the “no response” at the end.)

1. The Conformity Text

2. The Accord Text

3. The Regular Text

The conformity and accord texts are pretty self explanatory at this point because I
spent the first part of this section setting them up.

It’s the regular texts that I want to talk about.

What are they?

Simple, they are texts you use to advance the conversation.

There’s nothing special about them.

HOWEVER, I will say that no regular text you send can be boring. Each one Cordelia
sends needs to make Bob WANT to respond to her.

Get it?

Anyways, that’s sort of the strategy for day 4.

Let’s move on and talk about day 5!

ATTRACTION FEELER TEXT (DAY 5)

We are going to try something new on day 5.

We are going to make Cordelia send what I like to call,

“The Attraction Feeler Text.”

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The purpose behind the feeler text is quite simple,

We are feeling Bob out to determine if he is ready for a more romantic type of a con-
versation.

Now, perhaps I should clarify.

When I say a more romantic type of a conversation I don’t mean that Cordelia has to
pull out all the stops.

All I am saying is that she needs to test to see if Bob needs a bit more priming be-
fore receiving more romantic type of text messages.

You’ve heard of that word before, right?

Priming.

No?

Well, in sales you will often here “guru’s” ordering people to prime their clients for the
sale.

All it means is that you are prepping a person to buy something.

You are earning their trust.

Well, we are going to be testing Bob to see if he needs more priming (more rapport
building) before we try some of the more advanced text messages.

So, how do we do this?

Well, we are going to send out a feeler text.

Particularly this feeler text,

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I like to call it the “good memories” feeler text.

Memories can be a very powerful tool when it comes to reconnecting with an ex. Par-
ticularly good ones.

The key to the good memories text is the actual memory selection. A lot of times why
people fail with this particular text is because they choose horrible memories.

You don't want anything too sexual yet and you need to remember that in order for
this to work you have to choose a memory that your ex enjoyed, not just you!

But what’s the ultimate purpose behind having Cordelia send a text like this?

It’s to see how Bob responds.

For example, if Cordelia were to send this text to Bob and he responds like this,

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Then that is going to tell Cordelia that she probably needs to prime Bob a bit more
before advancing on to the more romantic type of text messages.

On the other hand if Bob responds like this,

Then that tells Cordelia that she can probably advance on to romantic text mes-
sages.

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Now, before we move on and talk about day 7 (remember day 6 is a skip day) I want
to talk a little about how Cordelia can increase her chances of getting a positive re-
sponse to her feeler text.

In the first iteration of this book I didn’t really do a good job of specifying when you
would send out this type of a text.

As a result, people were under the assumption that they should just send a romantic
type of a text as the first text of a conversation.

Umm...

This rarely ever works.

Instead, the best way to improve your chances of getting a positive response is to
surround the text with rapport building messages.

So, instead of it being the first text Cordelia sends to Bob it’s the tenth.

It’s at a high point of the conversation.

People respond to controversial things better when they are in a good mood.

At least, that’s the thinking.

So, let’s go out on a limb here and say that Cordelia does everything right and gets
Bob to respond to her attraction feeler text in a positive way.

What are the next steps?

BUILDING RAPPORT AND ATTRACTION

(DAY 7)
Now, before you freak out claiming that I skipped a day I want to show you some-
thing.

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As you can see, according to our little timeline day 6 is a blank day. Meaning that
Cordelia isn’t going to be talking to Bob at all on this day.

Instead, we are skipping right to day 7 (which I was kind enough to circle for you.)

Day 7 is all about building more rapport and attraction.

There are two attraction text messages that I want you to try out here.

1. The Good Memories Text Message

2. The Compliment Text Message

If you recall day 5 you would remember the good memories text message. Yup, we
are going to be using that again.

However, in addition to that we are going to be trying out a new text message, the
compliment text message.

Let’s talk a bit about what that is.

What Is The Compliment Text Message?

I promise we aren’t re-inventing the wheel here.

A compliment text message is just that.

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It’s a compliment that Cordelia is going to give Bob that will make him feel good.
Here’s a perfect example,

You have to be very careful with this text message because if Cordelia sends it with-
out Bob being ready to receive it, it can impede her progress.

In addition to that you probably would need to set this text up.

Now, what do you think I mean by that?

Well, with this text Cordelia is going to be complimenting Bob on his beautiful eyes.
Can you imagine if Bob and Cordelia were talking about something like dogs and
then all of a sudden Cordelia starts complimenting Bob on his pretty blue eyes.

Oh ya... Bob has blue eyes.

Anyways, sending a text that seems out of place isn’t going to help your purposes.
So, you are going to have to set the text up a bit by directing the conversation to-
wards eye color.

Here’s an example text of how you can do that,

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This steers the conversation towards eye color so Cordelia’s compliment won’t seem
so out of place.

Ok, now that we have a good grasp of all the types of text messages that we will be
sending on day 7 of this process lets take a look at how everything shakes out.

Take a look at the graphic on the next page,

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This is how I believe Day 7 should look for Cordelia.

Notice how the bulk of the day is still “rapport building messages” but then you have
these little attraction texts sprinkled in.

This is an ideal way to approach things and one I think you should definitely adopt
when you are trying to get your ex.

But let’s continue on with our campaign.

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 NEXT LEVEL ATTRACTION BUILDING
(DAY 8)
How many attraction text messages have I taught to Cordelia so far?

Well, we have the “good memories text” and the “compliment text.”

So, I guess that’s two.

It’s time to add another message to the fray and this one is something I like to call,

“The Daydream Text!”

Before I get into the specifics of this text I want to tell you a story.

When I met my wife (before we were married) one of the first things I did was try to
figure out what her biggest dreams were.

She had two!

Dream One: She was obsessed with hot air balloons and wanted to go for a ride on
one.

Dream Two: She wanted to visit Paris

So, once I figured out these dreams I did my best to find little ways to incorporate
them in to texts.

For example, if my wife and I would be texting I would say something like,

243
Do you see what I did there?

Here, let’s look again,

I basically created a situation where she would automatically picture a future where
the two of us would ride in a hot air balloon together.

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What’s the point of me doing this?

Well, I wanted her to start associating me with that dream.

Can you imagine the power of that?

Think about it, every single time she starts thinking of a hot air balloon she is going
to picture me right there with her.

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Oh, maybe I should mention that we eventually did end up going on a private hot air
balloon ride.

It was absolutely one of the best experiences of my life.

Apparently hot air balloons don’t know where they are going to land and we ended
up dropping in the backyard of a 9 year olds birthday party.

Here is a picture of the kids helping us put the balloon up,

But I am getting way off topic here.

I want Cordelia to create a text where she makes Bob daydream about a future with
her.

She essentially needs to do what I did and find out his biggest dreams. 


246
Once again, this is a natural advantage that she has since she actually dated Bob
and is aware of his dream to travel to Australia.

Now, there are a lot of ways to approach this but I have found the best way is to en-
tice your target into talking about the dream and then saying something like,

“Oh, we will go there one day don’t worry.”

So, the daydream text has two parts.

Part One: The Setup

Part Two: The Confirmation Of The Dream

Here’s an example of how the whole text will look,

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Did you see the setup?

It’s this part right here,

But what about the confirmation of the dream?

Well, that’s right here,

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Remember, the purpose of this text is to get Bob to picture a future where Cordelia
and him are visiting Australia together.

So, that’s the daydream text in a nutshell.

But I still haven’t specified exactly what you should be doing on Day 8!

Well, Day 8 is going to be very similar to Day 7 in that we are going to combine build-
ing rapport with building attraction.

Except instead of sending “the good memories” text we are going to send the day-
dream text in it’s place.

Why are we ditching the good memories text on Day 8?

Well, I don’t want to get repetitive.

It might be a little weird to Bob if Cordelia sends the same type of text three days in
a row. So, let’s swap it out with something new.

On the next page I have another breakdown of what I want Day 8 to look like.

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Remember, I said that Day’s 7 and 8 are very similar.

Of course, we change things up yet again on Day 9!

THE RAPPORT BUILDING DAY (DAY 9)

Alright, now it’s time for Cordelia to change the game up again. Like I mentioned in
the last section. Cordelia doesn’t want Bob to catch on to what she’s doing.

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So, instead of focusing so much on building attraction like she has with the previous
three days her goal with day 9 is to build rapport.

Now, I feel I have been a little stingy with teaching you about how to build rapport.
Sure, I taught you about it a few sections ago but I purposefully left out my favorite
way to build rapport in preparation for this day.

So, what’s the absolute best way to build rapport with an ex?

Tell a story.

That’s it.

Simple, right?

Well... it may not be as simple as you are thinking.

Truthfully, there are no rules to this story. The only requirement is that it has to be in-
teresting.

That’s it.

Oh, and you are going to be telling it over text.

Which leads me to my next point.

Cordelia is allowed to send as many texts as she wants on Day 9.

Yup, I am going to give her permission to open the flood gates.

In part one of this book I talked extensively about tide theory and it’s importance
when it comes to texting and you will notice that for 9 days we have slowly but surely
been upping the ante when it comes to our text messages.

For example,

Day One: A total of 2 texts are sent by Cordy

Day Three: A total of 3 texts are sent by Cordy

251
Day Four: A total of 13 texts are sent by Cordy

Day Five: (Though it’s never specified) 10 texts are sent here

Day Seven: A total of 19 texts are sent by Cordelia

Day Eight: A total of 19 texts are sent by Cordelia

So, you can see that we have slowly but surely upped the ante on every single day
since Cordelia started texting Bob.

Now, this leads me to my next question.

When it comes to your specific situation with your ex should you follow this exact pat-
tern?

Truthfully, it depends.

Some of you may find a different amount of texts per day work best for you.

Some of you may find this exact spread will work.

All that matters is that you are slowly but surely increasing the amount of text mes-
sages sent every single day with the exception of a few blank days sprinkled in here
and there.

All of our research and experience suggests that this is the best pattern for building
attraction.

But day 9 is different.

For the first time I in 39 days I am allowing Cordelia to go nuts.

If she wants to text Bob all day then she is allowed to.

If she wants to text Bob for an hour and then take the rest of the day off then she is
certainly allowed to.

All that matters with Day 9 is establishing a deep rapport with Bob and stories are
the absolute way to do that.

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Of course, I said the only prerequisite of the story is that it has to be interesting and I
have a great example.

Yesterday my dad told me a really crazy story and I thought it would be perfect to
share with you.

Hmm... perhaps it’s better if I just share a photo with you first,

This is a picture of my parents front lawn.

Pretty nice, right?

Except for that gigantic rut on it.

Well, that rut has a very interesting story.

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It all starts two nights ago when my dad is sitting in his recliner chair working on his
laptop.

Around 11 PM he hears this car speeding very fast down the street.

And then it happens again.

And again...

And again...

And by this point he is thinking to himself,

“I really hope that doesn’t wake up Cookie (my mom.)”

But eventually the speeding stops.

So, he chalks it up to just a couple of teenagers joy riding around the neighborhood
and goes to bed.

It isn’t until the next night that things really get crazy.

At about literally the same time the next night my dad is doing the exact same thing.

He is sitting in his recliner chair working when he hears two loud gunshots.

Hmm...

Maybe gunshots aren’t exactly the best way to describe this sound.

SHOTGUN SHOTS!

Ya... that will explain it.

BAM... BAM...

This obviously scares my dad but he is curious enough to look out the window and
notices a car on his lawn.

Turns out that those two loud shotgun shots weren’t shotgun shots at all.

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Nope, it was a car hitting the curb in front of my house.

But that’s not the crazy part of the story.

The car, after sitting on his lawn for a bit, frantically pulls off the lawn and speeds
down the street once more.

That’s when my dad hears it.

Police sirens!

This car was in the midst of a police chase.

The police speed by and by then the car getting chased was long gone.

“Whew, it’s over my dad thought to himself.”

That’s when he looked up and saw the car (again) 200 yards down the street right
about here,

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It was speeding towards his house at full speed yet again.

“My god...” my dad thinks.

“Can’t I catch a break.”

“This guy is going to try to kill himself by running into my house.”

So, what does my dad do at that point?

He decides to run to the back of his house fully believing that this crazy madman is
going to crash into it.

Luckily, the guy turns at the last minute.

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Now, since I realize none of you are familiar with my parents neighborhood to the left
of our house is a dead end.

The car who was getting chased by police chose very poorly.

He eventually hit the dead end and ditched the car.

His plan was to run from police hoping that they wouldn’t catch up.

They did!

Pretty crazy story, right?

And it’s perfect for rapport building.

It’s interesting but that’s only half of what makes it excellent.

The other half is the way it’s told.

Notice the pictures...

Notice the strategic placement of first person perspective...

All of that stuff matters when you are telling a story over text.

Especially the pictures.

You see, one of the biggest advantages to being able to tell a story through text mes-
sages is the fact that you can utilize pictures.

So, Cordelia should utilize them.

MORE ATTRACTION BUILDING (DAY

10)
Man, Cordelia is getting close to the end here.

What, we have two more days after this?

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Let’s see...

Yup, just two more days after this one.

Alrighty, Day 10 is going to be very similar to Day 8.

To recap, Day 8 looked like this,

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But we are going to be making a few changes.

We are going to try to pack 3 different attraction texts into the span of 19 text mes-
sages.

And we are going to be leading off with a new text that I haven’t taught you about
yet.

I like to call it the, “miss you” text.

Here’s the breakdown of what Day 10 is going to look like,

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So, instead of focusing on the other two texts (that I have already taught you about)
we are going to shift our focus to the “miss you text.”

Oopps... I am sorry about that.

I meant Cordelia... that I already taught “Cordelia” about.

Most people think that the “I miss you” text is a very easy text to send.

I mean, all Cordelia has to do is text Bob,

“I miss you”

Right?

260
NO!

This “I miss you” that Cordelia sends has to be powerful.

It has to make Bob feel like he has never felt before.

And she’s not going to get Bob there by simply saying “I miss you.” No, this is going
to require her knowledge of their past relationship.

Specifically the aspects of their relationship that Bob enjoyed the most.

Here’s an example of what I want Cordelia to send,

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Now, you will notice that I instructed Cordelia to not lead off with the “I miss you.”

Nope, I told her to lead off with this,

Who knew 6 little words could have such a powerful impact.

Immediately upon hearing,

“I have a confession to make...”

Where is the first place your mind jumps to?

“What did they do?”

“What could they possibly have to confess?”

It’s funny, I read a study once where email marketers were testing out the best sub-
ject lines to get people to open an email.

You will never believe what won out in the end.

“Bad News...”

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Seriously, that got the biggest open rate.

Well, “I have a confession to make...” is our “bad news...”

It captures an exes attention. Of course, right when they think you are about to de-
liver some crushing news you sweep in and say something really sweet.

Building attraction is like riding a great roller coaster.

Cordelia want’s Bob’s feelings to go up, down and all around.

The name of the game is making the ride fun and by playing with his emotions like
that she can not only raise her value but make him feel happy.

THE INTIMACY TEXTS (DAY 11)

Now, here is where things get a bit more controversial and risky.

I want Cordelia to test the waters by talking about sex.

BUT perhaps in a few of your real life cases you and your ex haven’t had sex yet. If
not, then I suggest focusing in on a time that you were very passionate with your ex.

For example, let’s pretend that that while you haven’t had sex with your ex yet you
have advanced far enough to where you are kissing in a very passionate way.

So, instead of talking about sex on Day 11 you should talk about the kissing.

Get it?

Good!

Oh, and just to clarify.

When I talk about sex texts I am not talking about taking a picture of yourself naked
and sending it to your ex.

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That’s too barbaric.

I am talking about something that Cordelia can send that can really excite Bob that
can get him thinking about her in a sexual manner.

What’s the point of this?

Well, talking about sex serves two purposes.

Purpose One: Cordelia is trying to re-attract Bob and no matter how you slice it sex
is a great way to speed that process up.

Purpose Two: To test Bob and determine how far she has come with regards to
building attraction up.

In other words, if Bob plays along with our little sex talk then we know that his attrac-
tion for Cordelia is nearing it’s climax (pun intended.)

But what does an intimacy text look like?

How does it work?

Well, like anything, a "sex" text has a beginning, a middle and an end. The beginning
of the text should look like this:

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Notice how you play it off like you want to say something to your ex but don't quite
have the courage to.

I call this "casting the hook." The idea is that if your ex bites that “hook” then you
have them where you want them.

Here’s the thing though, you have to make the beginning of the "sex" text very com-
pelling. Play it off like you have something to say but you aren't sure if you should
say it or not.

Inevitably your ex (or Bob in this case) is going to get curious and respond with
something like,

Ah.. Bob took the bait.

Next Cordelia is going to follow up by alluding to a place or time where they had
sex. The keyword there is “alluding.”

Here is how that should look,

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You don't want to go into the extreme details right now. You are still testing the wa-
ters to make sure that you and your ex are on the same page here. For example, if
Bob were to respond with something like,

Then Cordelia would know either one of two things.

Thing One: Bob isn’t quite ready to talk about sex yet.

Thing Two: Cordelia picked the wrong time or place to remind Bob about.

But lets assume things are going Cordelia’s way and Bob responds with something
like,

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Well, then it’s time for Cordelia to respond with the intimate details.

She should be as descriptive as possible without going overboard. For example,

267
Also, I want you to notice how Cordelia slipped in a "what happened next?" at the
end there. She did that to make sure that Bob was engaged in the conversation. The
idea is to get him to start talking about the intimate details and include him in the
fun! She actually want him feeling like he is a part of this.

From here on out Cordelia is supposed to keep telling the story, testing Bob along
the way to make sure that he is in to it. Once she has the story told and she knows
that she has him hooked it’s time for her to drop out of the conversation.

For example, let’s say that Bob was getting really into the story telling and sent
Cordy a text like this,

Cordelia, being excited with the nice things that Bob is saying about her, is going to
want to extend the conversation.

However, she needs to make sure she ends the conversation at the high point and I
don’t know if it get’s any higher than Bob saying the things he just said with that text.

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So, she should aim to end the conversation right after that text.

But how does the intimacy texts look in the grand scheme of things?

I am glad you asked.

Take a look at the graphic below,

Notice how you have to build some attraction up first before you send the intimacy
texts.

That’s essential because it’s meant to prime Bob to respond positively.

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 THE TRANSITION TEXT (DAY 12)
If you recall our value chain (level 2) when it came to texting

The ultimate goal that we are trying to achieve is to build enough attraction to ad-
vance on to the next level or “move up” to talking on the phone.

Well, that’s what day 12 is all about.

I want you to think of the way we have approached things throughout this entire tex-
ting “mock campaign” like a chess match.

We have been putting things in motion all for this moment.

We have been setting everything up for this transition text that Cordelia is going to
send to be successful.

But what is a transition text?

I am so glad you asked!

I want Cordelia to start telling a story.

But this can’t just be any story.

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No, this has to be one of the most compelling stories she has ever told. The compel-
ling part is important because it’s what is ultimately going to help her advance from
the comfortability of texting to the excitement of talking to Bob on the phone.

Let’s talk about the story because it’s essential for this transition text to work.

Before she even sends the transition text message she needs to have this story all
worked out.

Why?

Because you are going to be telling half of this story through text messages and half
on the phone.

The story can be funny, emotional or serious.

But one thing it cannot be is boring.

Here’s an example of something that I would use that’s funny:

When I was in high school I was on the track team.

Truth be told, I was actually a very fast runner and was dubbed as the fastest 400
meter runner on the team at the time.

At the end of the year our track team would go to the football field and play a game
of pickup football. Keep in mind, that the track season was over so there was no
point of training for anything anymore. Our coach was nice enough to where he
would just let us have fun by playing football.

Now, I don't like to brag but I was really good at football (compared to the track
kids.) I was always the first one picked because I could outrun everyone, catch the
ball and score a lot of touchdowns. One particular day in the heat of summer our
track team was playing football like we always did.

It was shirts versus skins. Of course, I was picked to be on the skins team which
turned out to be really unlucky (but more on that in a second.) So, I ran around shirt-
less doing what I did best, catching the football and scoring touchdowns. Then I be-

271
gan to notice something.... something very unusual. I had just scored a touchdown
and when I turned around to do my "celebratory dance" I noticed that the entire
track team had hit the ground and all of them were curled up in the fetal position.

"What the hell is going on?" I thought.

It seemed like it was a joke that they were playing on me. Then in the distance I be-
gan to notice this smoke cloud. It was pretty far away, about 70 yards at this point.

Like a fool I just stood there in awe of this dark smoke cloud. Keep in mind, every-
one is on the ground at this point. Then something funny happened. The dark cloud
got close enough for me to see what it really was.

Bees....

This “dark cloud” was literally a swarm of bees and the bees were coming right after
me. At this point it was fight or flight and by god I chose flight. I took off running
down the track as this swarm of bees chased me. There was just one problem, I was
shirtless because I was chosen to be on the skins. I could hear them behind me, the
buzzing of their wings, but the thing that I will always remember is one or two of
them hitting my back.

It made me run faster. In fact, I ran so fast that I ran into one of the girls on the soc-
cer fields across the school...

RUN!!!

RUN!!!

THERE ARE BEES!!!

I screamed at the top of my lungs.

There was just one problem. The bees stopped chasing me and all of the girls on
the soccer team were looking at me like I was nuts.

And that’s why I never got a date in high school (not really.)

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Now, I know this story sounds farfetched but it really happened. I am not making it
up.

As much as I would like to say that I am...

Here’s the thing though, that story is interesting enough to where we could use it as
an example for what Cordelia could send as her transition text.

But how would that look?

Simple, you just divide the story up into two parts and tell one of the parts through
text and the other part through the phone.

Here’s an example of how to do that,

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Did you notice how there are two parts to this text.

You have the initial start to the story here,

And then you have the transition ask here,

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The “transition ask” works in tandem with the start of the story. If you can make the
start of the story compelling enough then any ex will want to hear the rest over
phone.

So, that’s the transition text in a nutshell.

If you successfully complete this text and get your ex to pick up on a phone call
then you will have successfully moved from level two (texting) to level three (calling.)

Let’s talk about something with regards to the transition text that I feel I haven’t really
touched on before.

Timing!

Let’s say that Cordelia starts her transition text to Bob while he is at work.

Do you think there is a good chance that he is willing to hop on the phone and have
a 30 minute conversation with her?

Probably not.

Timing is everything when it comes to the transition text.

What Cordelia should do is wait until she thinks that Bob won’t have anything to do
but talk to her.

That’s when she should strike!

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(MOCK I am not going to lie to you.
CAMPAIGN) This is where I start to lose people in the ex recovery
process.
PHONE
CALLS
Either people rush to the phone call phase or they
completely fumble things up because they have no
idea of what to do when they get on the phone.

Luckily, Cordelia has been doing really well thus far

and Bob is going to be very accepting of Cordelia.

But first.... I think it’s important to mention the main

goal that Cordelia is trying to accomplish on the
phone.

If you recall, this is the overall game plan that Cordelia

has been following,

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Cordelia is right here...

277
And if you took the time to read between the lines there are really two main proc-
esses behind “phone calls.”

The Zeigarnik Effect

278
&

Moving Up

Now, we have already talked about the zeigarnik effect with regards to text mes-
sages and tide theory.

But truthfully this is where that idea shines.

How do I know that?

Well, because I have had the zeigarnik effect used on me first hand and I have seen
it’s power up close.

But more on that in a second.

The other goal behind talking on the phone with Bob that Cordelia is going to try to
achieve is to move up from the “phone calls” level to the “in person” level.

That’s a bit trickier since gender plays a huge role in this.

For example, if Cordelia was a man then it would fall on her to ask for an in person
meet up.

But Cordelia is not a man.

She’s a woman and women aren’t supposed to ask men out on dates.

More on that in a second too.

First things first...

I have a story for you.

THE ZEIGARNIK EFFECT STORY

I met my wife at the end of 2013.

December 27th, 2013 to be exact.

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Now, we don’t have exactly a glamorous “meet” story to be honest with you. I just
happened to be on Facebook when a mutual friend of ours posted a video of this
woman who was sitting in front of this little girl waiting for the girl to open a present.

It turned out that this little girl was my wife’s niece and the woman was.... yup, you
guessed it, my wife!

Just the way she was sitting... I knew she was different.

And I don’t say that lightly.

There was something about the way that she handled the whole interaction. It seri-
ously looked like she was more excited about the girl opening the present than the
girl was.

I have always thought that, that was a great way to measure someones character.

For example, I have horrible character.

I am selfish.

During Christmas time I have never gotten the feeling that I am excited to see some-
one open a present I got for them.

Half the time I am sitting there wondering,

“Hmm... I wonder what they got me?”

Though I will say that in my defense I have gotten better. I used to be way worse
about it. Especially in my teen years.

But my wife, Jennifer isn’t like that.

She loves watching peoples reactions to opening her gifts.

She is selfless and I always had this picture in my head that I wanted to marry a girl
like that.

I even remember thinking,

280
“Man, wouldn’t it be nice to end up with a girl like that”

I was completely unaware of the fact that I eventually would.

Life’s funny that way.

So, I decided to reach out on Facebook to try to get to know this woman.

Things obviously went well.

We connected and soon we were off to the races.

We would text every day and talk on the phone every day.

But I started noticing this weird thing happening during our phone conversations.

We would be in the middle of a conversation, maybe 45 minutes in, and all of a sud-
den her phone would just hang up on me and I wouldn’t hear from her for hours.

Hell, sometimes I wouldn’t hear from her for the whole day.

It was torture.

I can’t tell you how many times I paced around my room waiting for a phone call
back that would never come.

I mean, when someone hangs up on you without any explanation they should at
least have the decency to call you back as soon as possible.

The explanation I got was that her phone was old and couldn’t hold a charge so it
would die.

I have inquired about this multiple times after the fact and still am not sure I buy into
this 100%.

But nevertheless, it taught me an interesting thing.

When Jennifer would do this to me I went through a serious of interesting emotions.

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First I would become curious...

“Why isn’t she calling back?”

“Why isn’t she picking up?”

Then I would become angry.

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“UGH... she always does this.”

“Why am I even putting up with this.”

But always without fail, I would end up missing her.

“I really want her to just call me back.”

“I miss her.”

This is the process I would go through every time that Jennifer would have one of
her “low batteries.”

And this just didn’t happen a handful of times.

This happened maybe 40 or 50 times total.

Each time it framed exactly how important of a person this was to me. It made me re-
alize how much I was in love with her.

But it wasn’t until I started writing a post for you guys that I finally understood what
was going on, on a psychological level.

I literally remember reading about the zeigarnik effect and thinking,

“Holy shit, that’s what Jen does to me.”

If you recall, the zeigarnik effect states that people remember uncompleted or inter-
rupted tasks better than completed ones.

I have likened this to what television shows do by ending episodes on a cliffhanger.

They get you all worked up and involved in the episode and then they end it right
when it’s getting good.

The interrupt the the program to make you remember it better.

And that’s what Jennifer would do to me.

And let me tell you... it worked.

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HOW CORDELIA NEEDS TO UTILIZE THE
ZEIGARNIK EFFECT
The truth is I only told you half the story of what Jennifer used to do to me.

Yes, it’s true that she would just, out of nowhere, end a conversation over the phone
with me by having her phone die.

But that’s what she did.

The when is just as important.

Imagine that Jen and I were only talking for 10 minutes and neither of us really had
too much invested in the conversation.

Well, if she were to end the conversation there I probably wouldn’t have minded that
much.

But that’s not when she would end the conversation.

No, she would wait until the best parts.

She would wait until I couldn’t wait to hear what she would say next.

This frustrated me.

People often seek closure.

And they often get it.

Think to every sporting event known to man. Oftentimes after a game there is a
press conference held to talk about the game and gain closure.

But when they don’t get it...

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Well, they want to seek it more and ultimately that is going to work out for you if you
are trying to attract a member of the opposite sex since they will get used to being
in a position where they are putting more effort in than you.

And that brings us to Cordelia and Bob.

Cordelia needs to learn to locate the high point of a conversation.

I have often referred to this as the point of the conversation where you think to your-
self,

“Man, I don’t want this to end.”

Chances are, if you are thinking this then your ex is going to think this too.

What happens when you find the high point of the conversation and refuse to end it
there?

Take a look at this graph,

This is a graph of a very famous company, Enron.

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For those of you who remember, back in the day it tanked after there was a major
scandal.

I have found that phone calls can often tank if they are allowed to run rampant.

More on that in a second.

For now, lets pretend that Cordelia is an investor in 1988 and she invests in the En-
ron stock right here,

For years she holds her money and for years the stock continues to rise.

Eventually the stock hits a record price, $90 per share.

Now, Cordelia hasn’t ever been wronged by Enron before and the stock price has al-
ways been on the rise since she first put money in it in 1988.

So, rather than sell at $90 per share she decides to keep all of her money in the
stock.

BIG MISTAKE.

286
Once, something has hit the high point, which Enron had, there is only one place for
it to go...

Down.

And down it went.

Cordelia eventually sells here,

She loses money.

Phone conversations are like this.

If you allow them to run rampant they can slowly begin to get boring.

So, the smartest thing that you can do is try to leave the conversation at the high
point.

And that’s what Cordelia is going to have to do.

She is going to have to locate and leave the conversation at the high point.

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Ok, now that we have some of the basic principles out of the way let’s take a deeper
look into what Cordelia needs to do to move on to an in-person interaction.

THE PHONE CALL CALENDAR

We all know how much I love calendars!

I have mapped out what I think needs to happen on the phone,

What’s the first thing you noticed about this particular calendar that I put together for
Cordelia?

Well, how about the fact that it’s quite a bit shorter.

But the truth is that once you reach this level things can go fast.

But rather than listening to me ramble on setting this up let’s just jump right into day
one!

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THE TRANSITION TEXT AND SHORT
PHONE CONVO (DAY 1)
We are starting off right where we ended with the text message mock campaign.

If you recall, I ordered Cordelia to send a transition text message.

The purpose behind this is to interest Bob enough to want to finish a story that Cor-
delia starts through text over the phone.

So, the first order of business for when she gets on the phone with Bob is to finish
that story.

The thing I want to zone in on here is the scope of the conversation on the phone
that I want Cordelia to have with Bob.

I want this to be short.

And by short I mean that I want the conversation to last no longer than 25 minutes.

I don’t even want Cordelia worrying about the ZE (Zeigarnik Effect) right now. I just
want her to prove to herself that she can start a conversation on the phone with Bob.

In other words, she is just going to dip her toes in the water but she isn’t going to go
for a swim just yet.

This process takes time so she needs to be patient.

TEXT MESSAGES (DAY 2)

You may find that day 2 is a little weird since we are supposed to be focusing heav-
ily on talking on the phone and day 2 is about text messages again.

Don’t worry there is a method to this madness.

I want Cordelia to spend the whole day texting Bob.

289
She doesn’t even have to worry about striking up a phone call conversation.

I have found that this process works best when there is no set pattern that Bob can
pick up on.

AKA: it makes things look more natural.

You see, deep down Bob is going to be expecting that Cordelia is going to want to
talk on the phone from this point forward.

After all, that’s the level they are at right now.

So, when Cordelia goes against the grain of what Bob thinks is going to happen it’s
going to confuse him (in a good way.)

PHONE CALL “NICE ENDING” (DAY 3)

Day 3 is where we are going to start implementing the zeigarnik effect.

But first, how the heck is Cordelia going to start talking on the phone with Bob?

Well, the last thing she wants to do is overextend herself but at the same time keep-
ing the momentum going is essential.

Thus, I am going to recommend to her that she be the one to reach out and call
Bob.

Is this a risk?

Yes.

BUT we are far enough along in this process that Bob shouldn’t have a problem with
it.

I mean, let’s get a bit of perspective here.

• Cordelia has done the no contact for 30 days.

290
• She has spent a total of 12 days texting Bob (where he responded positively)

• And now she is on day 3 of the phone call phase

She has earned the right to take risks.

So, my recommendation here is for her to be strategic about when she calls him.
Like I mentioned with regards to the transition text/phone call.

She wants to pick a time where the chances are high that he is going to pick up the
phone.

Don’t call Bob at work...

Don’t call him when you know he is out with friends...

Call him when he is home alone with no distractions...

Call him when he is on his commute home from work...

When school is over and he is driving home...

You get the idea.

Now, getting Bob on the phone is just one half of the battle.

The other half of the battle revolves around what to talk about on the phone with him.

What Cordelia Should Talk About On The Phone With Bob

Let’s not forget our main goal with day 3 here.

We want to end the conversation in a nice way (which I will teach you about in a sec-
ond) and utilize the zeigarnik effect.

Of course, in order to properly utilize the zeigarnik effect we are going to have to en-
sure that the conversation that Cordelia has with Bob interests him to the point that
he is going to think to himself,

“Man, I don’t want this conversation to end.”

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It’s at that point that Cordelia is going to end the conversation.

What will this achieve?

Simple, Bob is going to want to talk to Cordelia even more over the phone making
two things more likely to happen,

Thing 1: Bob is going to be more likely to call Cordelia without any prompting.

Thing 2: If Cordelia calls or texts Bob he is going to be more likely to respond to her.

So, how can Cordelia achieve all of this?

By telling a story.

You know how fond I am of stories, right?

A good phone conversationalist is an expert story teller.

And Cordelia needs to have a fascinating story to tell.

Take a look at the graphic I created below,

This is a birds eye view of how I want Cordelia’s conversation on day 3 with Bob to
go.

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Notice how she isn’t starting off with with a story.

Instead, she is building rapport.

Let’s imagine that we were to chart the ideal way that this conversation with Bob
would go.

The first few points that you see on the graph revolve around Cordelia and Bob build-
ing rapport.

There’s nothing too out of the ordinary happening here.

Really what Cordelia is trying to do is get the conversation to a point where she feels
that telling an amazing story to Bob is going to kick things up another notch.

Once she feels she has accomplished that she is going to begin telling her story.

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Now, you may think that telling a story by itself is going to be enough to put this con-
versation on another level but it’s not.

Really what matters is how Bob responds to the story.

You can really tell when a person is digging a conversation by the way they respond.

Not only will Bob’s responses be quicker but they will have more fervor behind them.

So, that’s what Cordelia’s next order of business should be.

She should determine if Bob reacted to the story in a positive way.

294
Let’s say that Bob had a positive reaction to the story. That’s when Cordelia com-
pletes the conversation.

295
Ah ending the conversation in a nice way.

I have some explaining to do on this one.

I told you the story about how my wife used to end conversations on the phone with
me, right?

How she would just let the phone die?

Well, that’s not considered to be a very nice way to end a conversation.

The nice way will require some subtlety on Cordelia’s part but it isn’t rocket science.

Basically she needs to make up an excuse for why she has to leave.

Friends, parents or work are often great go to’s.

For example,

“Hey Bob... I actually have to go now. I had promised my sister that I would take her
shopping since her birthday is coming up. I am so sorry to cut this short. Rain
check?”

The key to ending a conversation in the nice way is that the reason for ending a con-
versation in a nice way can’t be looked down upon. No man is going to find fault with
Cordelia for helping out her sister for her birthday.

The smartest thing that you can possibly do is have your conversation ender pre-
pared before you even start a conversation with your ex.

Just sayin!

THE PHONE DIES METHOD (DAY 4)

Day 4 packs a punch and it is going to be without a doubt the riskiest day that Cor-
delia has encountered since ending the no contact rule.

There are three phases to this day.

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Phase One: Text Message Priming

Phase Two: Flirting On The Phone

Phase Three: Cordelia’s Phone “Accidentally” Dying

I suppose we should start from the top!

Phase One: Text Message Priming

I want Cordelia to start priming Bob for the phone call through text messages.

How can she do this?

Well, it’s really simple actually.

I want her to utilize the following text messages,

Now, I don’t want you to get confused.

Cordelia isn’t supposed to use these text messages back to back. Instead, she is
supposed to sprinkle them in throughout her conversation with Bob.

So, let’s walk a mile in Cordelia’s shoes and go through an entire day of being her.

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It’s a Friday and Cordelia has just woken up.

Her first order of business is to get dressed and ready for her first college class of
the day.

Oh ya... Cordelia is a college girl.

I might have forgotten to mention that.

Anyways, upon waking up the first thing she does is look at her phone to see if Bob
has texted her.

He has!

“Awwww... that’s so sweet” she thinks to herself.

So she decides to go with an old classic response,

298
After sending the text to Bob she determines that if she doesn’t get a move on she is
going to be late for her first college class of the day so she frantically jumps in the
shower, throws on some clothes and puts her make up on.

When she feels that she looks presentable she hits the road.

Now, safety is a huge priority for Cordelia so she doesn’t text Bob while driving. She
wait’s until she gets to school.

DON’T TEXT AND DRIVE!

Anyways, when she gets to school she begins texting Bob.

It’s just very simple stuff like asking how his day is going and what he is up to. For
which he responds in kind by asking her how her day is going and what she is up to.

That’s when Cordelia takes her first risk.

She decides to use the compliment text I talked about earlier,

Bob eats it up!

What man doesn’t like being told that he is good looking?

Am I right, guys?

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Anyways, the time has come for Cordelia to attend her first class. Of course, she still
continues texting Bob during it.

And that’s when she sends her second volley forward,

That’s pretty much phase one in a nutshell.

Phase two is where things get really interesting.

Phase Two: Flirting Over The Phone

It’s 5 PM and Cordelia has been texting Bob pretty much all day. But now it’s time for
her to move on to the phone call portion of the day.

Cordelia decides to call Bob since Bob has yet to step up and call Cordelia once.

(Hey, I didn’t say everything was going right for Cordelia.)

Of course, one of the things that is going right for Cordelia is the fact that Bob is
very responsive on the phone.

But today’s phone call is going to be on a whole new level.

You see, with days 1 and 3 a lot of what I instructed Cordelia to do was to cut the
conversation short.

That’s not going to be the case here in day 4.

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Generally speaking there is a direct correlation between the time one spends in a
conversation and how much they are enjoying it.

For example, I am not going to sit there for an hour talking to someone who I don’t
enjoy a conversation with.

No, I am probably going to make up some excuse to get off the phone as soon as
possible.

Don’t believe me?

Well, I have an interesting story to tell you.

My wife and I just bought our first house,

301
302
I suppose technically I shouldn’t say that we bought it yet since our closing date is
on June 24th. Thus, we are still about a month and a half out from officially getting
the keys.

To me the coolest thing about this house is that I get my own office with it!

(Pictured Above)

I am calling the office the “Ex Recovery Headquarters” and I feel like I am going to
be a lot more productive with work which means I am going to help a lot more peo-
ple.

My life isn’t complete when I feel like I am not helping people and lately I feel like
that.

Though it’s not hard to see why if you saw where my wife and I are currently living.

We live in a two bedroom apartment with a baby.

The apartment is barely a thousand square feet and as I am writing these words my
wife and baby are behind me.

303
The baby is screaming and my wife is trying to keep her quiet by showing her some
weird bunny video.

Not that I am complaining as I know that a lot of people are in worse situations than
we are.

Actually... I take that back.

I am going to complain about one thing.

But it’s not my screaming baby.

It’s our neighbors.

They are a nightmare.

They are unbelievably loud.

They move furniture on a daily basis and have consistently woke our child up from
her naps.

Any new parents reading this can understand how aggravating that is.

The walls are paper thin so when they walk around it literally sounds like we have
bigfoot living above us.

Anyways, to top it off I have been confronted two times by the man who lives there.

The first time was when someone dropped something off at our door and since I was
out of the house I didn’t bring it in.

Apparently this guy waddled up the stairs and tripped over it.

He confronted me about not taking it inside the moment it was dropped off (where I
wasn’t even present to hear a knock at the door.)

But I am not one for confrontations so I just smiled and apologized even though I felt
I did nothing wrong.

The second time occurred about a week ago.

304
It all started at 3:30 AM.

I generally stay up late to keep an eye on my child. Sometimes she wakes up be-
cause she is hungry and rather than let her roll around for a few minutes and work
herself up I like to be there with a bottle to keep her happy.

Anyways, around 3:30 AM I started hearing this bird.

Yes... the people upstairs have a freaking bird!

And the bird was right above our daughters room.

Cawww...

Cawww...

Cawww...

It was non-stop.

All I could think to myself was,

“How is any baby going to sleep through this?”

That’s when I put two and two together...

Every night around 3:30 my child is waking up and every night around 3:30 that stu-
pid bird goes off.

Cawww...

Cawww...

Cawww...

This angered me because I feel like just when we are starting to get into a groove
with getting my daughter to sleep the monsters upstairs screwed it up.

But even that wasn’t enough to push me over the edge.

I remember just telling myself,

305
“It’s a month and a half more of this and then you won’t ever hear them again.”

I finally went to sleep that night around 4:20 AM and decided that the best way to
handle the situation was to just ignore them.

Well, that lasted a good 8 hours.

You see, my baby takes about 2 naps during the day and to my wife and I those
naps are precious.

The naps last from anywhere between 1 to 2 hours.

My wife had just put the baby down for her first nap of the day and guess what hap-
pened.

Yup, the people upstairs went into her room and started doing something that re-
quired banging...

Yes... banging.

Now, even the heaviest sleeper wouldn’t be able to sleep through this so our daugh-
ter definitely didn’t.

We were expecting a 2 hour nap. Instead, we got a 20 minute one.

This was my final straw.

“Why are they so loud? Are they even aware of it? How can I stop them?” I remem-
ber thinking.

Here’s what I came up with.

I decided that every time they were obnoxiously loud I was going to throw a tennis
ball at the ceiling to make them aware of how loud they are being.

Is that a bit childish on my part?

Definitely.

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But I was hoping it would serve as an embarrassing moment for them so they knew
that we could hear them and how they should maybe try to keep it down.

So, for about 3 days this went on.

Every time I felt they were obnoxiously loud I would throw a tennis ball at my ceiling.

The confrontation happened on day 4.

Now, the thing you have to understand about our apartment complex is that I am
looked at as “the tennis guy.”

There are tennis courts smack dab in the middle of our complex and I spend the
most time on them by far.

So, everyone recognizes me as the guy who plays tennis.

Even our neighbors.

I think you can see where this is going.

The man upstairs waited for me to go play tennis and confronted me there.

When I saw him I knew I was about to get scolded.

Kind of like how when I was a kid and I would get scolded by my parents but the dif-
ference is I am a grown man and this guy is a grown man as well.

And when a grown man interrupts you from doing something by stomping up to you
and yelling,

“I think it’s apparent we are having problems as tenants.”

It doesn’t exactly put you in a nice mood.

“I was upstairs chopping my onions when all of a sudden I hear these four or five
loud bangs. The bangs were coming from under me. Do you have any idea of what
they are?”

307
Now, I am not one to lie or pull punches when I feel I am in the right and the other
party is in the wrong.

“Yes, that’s me and my wife. Every time you guys are obnoxiously loud we have
started letting you guys know. You keep waking up your baby and your bird... well,
we don’t appreciate it waking her up at 3 in the morning every day.”

To which he replies,

“Well we don’t appreciate it when you guys are up late at night singing to your
baby.”

A little background here,

When our baby wakes up because of their loud banging upstairs and we can’t get
her to go back to sleep we take her into the living room and try to distract her from
screaming so the people upstairs and downstairs can sleep.

And we have found that the only thing that works in distracting our child is singing.

But that’s not the most bizarre part of what he said.

He is literally blaming us for doing our laundry.

No joke..

“Every day when you guys do your laundry it makes our kitchen have this lavender
scented smell. It almost smells like some type of washing detergent. It has been go-
ing on every day for the past few months.”

I am sitting there thinking,

“Seriously...”

For literally 45 minutes this guy interrupts my workout to talk to me about how I need
to change washing detergents (which is unscented by the way) because it is mak-
ing his apartment smell.

So eventually I had enough.

308
I said,

“Ok, I have to go back to my workout. I will work on that detergent issue for you.”

So, why did I tell you that long story?

Well, I wanted to prove two points.

The first point was the fact that the more time you spent reading the story the more
likely you are to want the story to continue.

The second point was the fact that if that story was incredibly boring you would have
skipped over it entirely.

Now, I am betting you didn’t do that.

No, I am betting that the story interested you but it isn’t exactly the type of flirting
that we are going for here.

That’s ok.

Having Cordelia tell Bob a fascinating story is just a way of getting his attention.

It’s his response to the story where the flirting really comes into play.

Ok, let’s imagine for a moment that Cordelia was the one with the crazy neighbors
and let’s also imagine that instead of them waking a baby up it was waking her up.

Let’s also sprinkle in some fear.

Let’s say that in Cordelia’s story instead of the neighbor confronting her on a tennis
court he confronts her at her home by angrily knocking on the door and she is afraid
of what this guy is capable of.

She is afraid of potentially getting raped.

Yup, I went there.

Well, as she is telling this story to Bob she is going to be positioning Bob as a protec-
tor. He is going to want to respond to this story by making bold claims like,

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“If I was there I would have knocked him out.”

“If I was there I would have handled it..”

You get the idea.

Bob likes being a protector and the story kind of alludes to that fact.

So, let’s say that’s how that conversation goes. Let’s say that Cordelia is on the
phone with Bob and tells him that exact story.

Bob responds by saying something protecting.

And Cordelia responds by saying something like,

“I really miss having you protect me.”

You get where this is going.

The flirting has started and it advances from there.

Phase Three: Cordelia’s Phone “Accidentally” Dying

Now it’s time for the fun to begin.

Let’s say that Cordelia has hit a point of the conversation where she thinks,

“I really don’t want this to end.”

Guess what?

That means the conversation has to end and we are going to be instructing Cordelia
to do that by having her phone die.

Now, the key to having a phone die is making it look realistic.

Meaning that Cordelia needs to do it mid sent...

...

...

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...

...

...

You get it?

But that’s not going to be enough.

Why not?

Well, what do people typically do when they get hung up on?

They call back, right?

So, in order to make this look as real as possible Cordelia is going to have to turn
her phone off so when Bob calls her back he is going to go straight to voicemail.

Meaning that he won’t be able to debate the fact that her phone is dead since every-
one knows that a dead phone will go straight to voicemail.

It’s at this point that Cordelia is going to be faced with a choice.

She has the option of ending the conversation permanently for the day with Bob or
simply waiting a few hours and texting him something like this,

But here’s the key.

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If Bob were to come back and want to continue talking on the phone Cordelia
shouldn’t entertain that.

The conversation should end here.

After all, we still have a few more days left.

THE NICE METHOD “AGAIN” (DAY 5)

It’s been a while since we have referenced our calendar so for your purposes here is
where we are at in the grand scheme of things,

I am going to be honest with you.

I am not quite sure if there is anything new I can teach you here.

Day 5 is going to be very similar to day 3 except Cordelia is allowed to extend the
conversation out further if she wants.

It still is essential that she ends the conversation at the high point so she makes Bob
want to talk to her more.

However, it is also essential that she make this phone call last at least an hour.

We want Bob to become invested in the conversation and the only way to make that
happen is by getting a time commitment out of him.

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Again, nothing too revolutionary happening here.

Same thing with day 6!

TEXT MESSAGES “AGAIN” (DAY 6)

This day is going to be identical to day 2.

However, there is one big difference between day 2 and day 6.

Care to take a guess at what that difference is?

What do days 3, 4 and 5 have in common?

How about the fact that all of them involve talking on the phone.

You see, Bob is probably getting used to a certain routine. He is getting used to talk-
ing to Cordelia on the phone on pretty much a daily basis by now.

So we are going to change that up.

We are going to ensure that her value to him raises by making him aware that talking
on the phone with her is a privilege that he has to earn.

So, instead of talking on the phone which is what Bob really wants I am going to in-
struct Cordelia to just communicate by text messages.

Again, nothing too revolutionary here.

The only thing I would recommend is the fact that even with text messages Cordelia
should aim to be the one who ends the conversation.

Let’s move on to day 7!

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THE ASK (DAY 7)
This is the section where I am going to deviate a bit from the format that you have
gotten used to reading.

You see, both men and women read this book.

And when it comes to asking a member of the opposite sex out for an in person date
the rules are a little bit different.

Society says that men are the askers and women are the asked.

And in a perfect world that’s exactly what’s supposed to happen. If you are a man
who is following this case study then you have an easy job.

All you have to do is ask your ex out for a date.

(More on that in a second.)

Women on the other hand have it tougher.

Since society says that they are the ones that have to be asked a lot of women out
there are afraid to take any risk when it comes to asking an ex out on a date.

It has been hardwired into their brains that it’s a mistake to ask an ex out and I will
admit that if I had the choice between a woman asking or being asked I would pre-
fer that a woman be asked.

However, I am also about controlling the situation as much as possible and sitting on
your hands waiting for a man to ask you out on a date may never happen.

This puts women in a very difficult situation.

The way I look at it you have two options.

Option 1- You can wait for your ex to ask you out on a date (which may never hap-
pen)

Option 2- You can be proactive and ask him out on a date.

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(Side Note: I want to apologize to the men reading this if you feel like the women are
getting special treatment over you. That is definitely not the case. It’s just their par-
ticular situation is a bit more difficult to navigate than yours.)

I asked my wife about the predicament that women have found themselves in and
she said,

“A woman should never ask a man out on a date.”

But I have to disagree with her on this one.

Why?

Well, sometimes waiting around for a man to step up is a mistake.

Sometimes it may never happen.

Besides, I did have to remind her that she was actually the one who asked me out
on a date first.

Sometimes being bold pays off.

Sometimes doing the things that make you uncomfortable yield the greatest results.

I want you to remember that if you are a woman.

If by day 7 of this process your ex hasn’t asked you out then day 7 is going to be the
day where you ask him out.

But this begs an interesting question.

What if an ex has asked you out on a date before day 7?

What do you do then?

Do you accept it or decline it?

Let’s use Cordelia and Bob as an example here.

Let’s say that Bob ended up asking Cordelia out on a date right here,

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What should Cordelia do?

Well, everything I have been teaching her to do during this mock campaign serves a
purpose and the phone call days after day 3 (where Bob asked her out) serve a pur-
pose.

Everything works together and her chances of success on the date will lower if she
doesn’t do the necessary steps with days 4 through 7.

So, here is what Cordelia should do.

She should accept the date but schedule it on day 7 or past day 7. Whichever she
prefers.

It’s important that she build more rapport with Bob before a date.

But lets say things don’t go well for Cordelia and Bob hasn’t asked her out on a
date.

What does she do now?

Well, that’s when she takes charge and asks him out on a date.

The Rules For Asking An Ex Out Over The Phone

Alright boys and girls (oh ya... welcome back boys) it’s time to get down to business
with what you need to do to ask an ex out for a date over the phone.

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Can anyone tell me what Cordelia has done throughout this mock campaign that
90% of people out there fail to do when it comes to getting an ex back?

Anyone?

Anyone?

Bueller?

Ok, I am done joking.

The thing that she has done that most people haven’t is that she has primed Bob to
say yes to a date.

She isn’t coming in right off the bat and asking Bob out on a date she is coming in
when he is more likely to say yes.

Rapport has been rebuilt...

Attraction has been rebuilt...

Flirting has started up again...

And the fact that Bob is picking up whenever Cordelia calls tells us that he is inter-
ested in talking to her.

In other words, we have done everything we can to put Cordelia in a position to get
a yes when she asks for a date.

But how?

How should she ask.

Well, in order to understand that we first need to understand the type of date she is
going to ask for.

If you recall level four of our overall game plan there was a stage entitled,

“Three Dates”

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You remember that, right?

I basically said that we are going to be aiming to go on three dates with an ex,

The small date...

The medium date...

The romantic date...

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The idea behind this is that you aren’t scaring an ex off by wanting too much too
soon.

In other words, you aren’t going on a super romantic date before your ex is ready for
it.

Why is that important for our purposes?

Because when Cordelia asks Bob out on a date over the phone she is going to
come out with a very non threatening proposition.

Just a cup of coffee.

A small date..

Here’s how the whole thing should look,

1 2 3

BUILD
RAPPORT FLIRT “THE ASK”

The first thing Cordelia wants to do when she gets on the phone with Bob is start
building rapport much like I have taught her throughout this mock campaign.

After she feels enough rapport has been built she can move on to step two which re-
volves around flirting.

Once enough flirting has gone on she can go in for the kill.

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She could say something like,

“I have been enjoying this past week so much I think we should catch up. A new cof-
fee place opened up around the corner would you like to join me on Thursday to try
it out?”

A lot of people think there is some secret trick to asking an ex out and there is.

It’s called preparation.

Put your ex in a position where it would be dumb for them to say no.

Got it?

Let’s move on to our final section of the mock campaign.

Going out on a date with Bob!

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(MOCK And now we enter the final stage of this mock cam-
CAMPAIGN) paign.

Now, just to recap, in case you forgot, the “in person”

IN PERSON section encompasses the following,

Luckily for you, I have already taught you a lot of what

to do “in person” here but this is where Cordelia is
weakest.

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She has no earthly idea on what to do or how to approach these dates.

Well, she shouldn’t worry because that’s what I am here for.

Basically the game plan that we are going to be following goes as follows,

So, rather than just beat around the bush lets hop right to it.

We are first going to continue our campaign right where we left off.

SETTING UP THE SMALL DATE

If you recall we left Bob and Cordelia off at a point where Cordelia was asking Bob
out on a date.

Let’s assume that she gets a yes for this ask.

There are still two questions left,

Where?

&

When?

Which would you like me to answer first?

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Where The Date Should Happen?

If you buy into my 3 dates idea then we need to make sure this date is as least threat-
ening as possible.

In other words, this date has to almost not feel like a date.

So, in my humble opinion the perfect place to hold a “small date” is at a coffee
place like Starbucks.

Of course, that leads us to our next question.

WHEN should Cordelia set up this small date?

When The Date Should Happen?

The way I look at it there are two “when’s” to answer.

When One = What’s the exact date on the calendar that this date is going to take
place?

When Two = When during the date is this date going to take place.

Let’s tackle when the actual date is going to happen.

If you take a look at the trusty calendar I put together for Cordelia (AKA YOU) you
will notice that the small date happens here,

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Why shouldn’t it happen sooner?

Well, Cordelia doesn’t want to seem to desperate and asking for a date ASAP may
seem a little desperate to Bob.

Besides, it will give her more time to prepare.

Anyways, let’s go ahead and answer the second “when.”

I want this “date” to be as low key as possible. Therefore, I don’t want it to happen at
night.

Instead, I want it to happen during the day.

I want it to look like it’s just two old friends catching up.

Therefore, I am going to advise Cordelia to schedule it at 1:30 PM smack dab in the

middle of the day.

There’s not too much else to add on here.

Let’s move on.

TEXTING/PHONE CALLS
Throughout the calendar I put together for Cordelia you may notice that I mention
“texting and phone calls” quite a bit,

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I would like to tackle, in one fell swoop, what I mean when I say,

“Texting/Phone Call”

For some reason, when people advance to the in person reactions with their exes
they seem to forget all the lessons I taught them leading up to the in person reac-
tions.

In other words, they rely solely on the actual in person reactions to continue building
attraction with their exes.

This is a huge mistake because they can work in tandem with the dates you take
your ex on.

So, every time you see me mention “texting/phone calls” on the calendar I want you
to remember the lessons I have been teaching you in the previous sections.

Basically.... Just keep building attraction via text messages and phone calls.

Got it?

Good!

THE SMALL DATE (PLANTING THE

SEEDS)
Ah the small date...

Going for a cup of coffee with an ex.

How is Cordelia going to handle it?

What is she going to say?

How long should this date last?

Well, I am going to answer all of those questions in this section (and more.)

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But first let’s talk about timing.

The small date is all about timing.

Timing of the beginning...

And timing of the ending...

Perhaps I should explain a bit.

Cordelia has two options when it comes to showing up to the date.

She can be early.

OR

She can be late.

Which option is better?

Good question, personally, I prefer to show up early and I will tell you why using Cor-
delia as an example.

Let’s say Cordelia shows up 30 minutes early to her date with Bob at the coffee
place.

She goes up, buys a coffee and sits down on a couch and begins reading through
her smart phone.

While she is doing that a very handsome man walks up to her and begins hitting on
her.

But rather than turn him down she engages him, knowing full well Bob is going to
come walking through those doors any second.

Of course, when Bob does walk through those doors she is going to tell the guy hit-
ting on her that she has to go meet with her friend.

But consider things from Bob’s perspective.

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He walks into a coffee shop and immediately sees his girl chatting it up with some
other guy.

This is going to serve as a reminder that Cordelia is a wanted by other men and will
hopefully light a fire under his ass that he better step up his game soon.

Of course, this would never have happened if Cordelia didn’t show up early.

On top of that by showing up early it’s going to put Bob in a position where he is
physically chasing after her.

He is coming to her.

Again, this doesn’t happen if Cordelia doesn’t show up early.

But enough about that.

Let’s get to the question that everyone always seems to wonder when they go on
dates,

What is Cordelia going to do on this date?

Well, she has three goals,

BEGIN
HAVE FUN TOUCH END THE
STRATEGY DATE EARLY

Let’s start with the first goal.

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Goal One: Have Fun

Having fun...

It seems like such a simple premise and it is.

I feel that too often the people who come to me for advice get stuck in this mindset
that they have to say something that blows their exes mind.

That just isn’t the case.

In fact, all they have to do is have fun.

Here is my thinking behind that.

It tracks that if your ex is into you then if you are having fun then they are going to be
having fun too and the goal with this date is not to ask your ex for anything major.

It’s just to continue re-establishing the connection that you have already put so much
time and effort into rebuilding.

So, if you focus on having fun then your ex is going to have fun by default.

Cordelia doesn’t need any more pressure than she has already put on herself.

Goal Two: Begin The Touch Strategy

I am about to teach you something that I have never muttered on any of my websites
before.

I like to call it “the touch strategy.”

Here’s the premise behind it.

Having the ability to touch, hold, hug and kiss your ex is going to be essential for
Cordelia to raise her chances for getting Bob back.

Why?

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Well, scientists have determined that oxytocin (the cuddle hormone) is released
when you hug someone for at least 20 seconds.

They have also determined that Dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with feel-
ings of desire and reward, spikes when you kiss someone.

Now, if you aren’t aware of what dopamine is often associated with here is a quick re-
fresher,

“Dopamine is produced in the ventral tegmental area of the brain, the same region
affected by addictive drugs like cocaine”

Do you see now why this touch stuff is kind of important.

Here’s the thing though.

Cordelia just can’t come out of nowhere and start hugging Bob for 20 seconds and
then kissing him.

It would be weird.

Therefore, the smartest strategy here is to work up to those things which is why on
this date I am going to instruct Cordelia to do two very simple things.

1. Hug Bob at the beginning of the date

2. Hug Bob at the end of the date

And if she can she should attempt to sit in close proximity to him and playfully touch
him from time to time.

The idea here is that she is getting him used to having her touch and hug him again.

Goal Three: Ending The Date Early

Yes, even the zeigarnik effect applies here.

Cordelia needs to locate a point of the conversation where Bob is having fun (which
is often when Cordelia is having the most fun) and end the date there.

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But instead of just ending it she needs to plant the seeds for the next date.

Often times, the best way to do that is to secure a date right when Bob is feeling the
best.

So, as Cordelia informs Bob that she has to go she should also slip in a line like this,

“I had a lot of fun. I think we should do this again. My friends want to take me bowl-
ing in a few days do you want to come?”

If Cordelia ended the date at the high point then this is probably the best chance
she will have of getting a yes.

THE MEDIUM DATE

You are definitely going to get your moneys worth here as I am going to teach you
something that I have never taught before.

You remember how I made Cordelia plant the seeds for a date bowling with friends,
right?

Well, what if all of a sudden the bowling date became a date with just the two of
you?

The only reason for why Cordelia would ever want to involve other parties in the me-
dium date is so she can provide an atmosphere where Bob isn’t going to get scared
off.

But let’s be honest.

It’s kind of a pain in the butt to have to build attraction with an ex while managing
other people at the same time.

If you recall my little write up about it before you would remember that I recommend
that you should figure out the best way to balance these two aspects.

Aspect One: Your ex...

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Aspect Two: Using a crowd to your advantage.

But there was something in that little write up that I neglected to tell you on purpose.

What if you didn’t have to worry about managing a crowd on top of managing an ex?

What if there was a way that it could just be the two of you on the medium date while
still accomplishing the low risk view of the medium date provided by having other
people involved with it.

Of course, you may have to tell a little tiny white lie to accomplish that.

Let’s use Cordelia to demonstrate.

Back at the end of the “small date” Cordelia clearly invited Bob to join her out bowl-
ing with some friends.

But what if those friends were a lie?

What if all of a sudden all of the friends cancelled?

She has already gotten a “yes” from Bob and assuming she did everything right on
the small date it’s highly unlikely that he will cancel at the last minute if Cordelia says
she stills wants to go bowling.

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It’s important that Cordelia not view this as a life or death scenario that hinges on
whether Bob says yes or no to continuing the date.

If she approaches the situation that way then the probability of her getting a no
raises.

Instead, she should just set it up so that it’s assumed that he is going to join her on
that date.

We are going to let it serve as a hoop for Bob to jump through to determine how seri-
ous he is about seeing Cordelia.

If he jumps through it then Cordelia has him right where she wants him.

If he doesn’t then that means more attraction needs to be built.

Now, this leads me to my next point.

What are the goals with the medium date.

Well, stop me if this looks familiar but...

Yep, this is essentially the same strategy that Cordelia had back with the small date.

But there are some minor differences too,

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• The Medium Date Is Going To Take Place At Night

• The Medium Date WILL Last A Bit Longer

• The “Touching” Will Also Last Longer

Allow me to get a bit more in-depth with our three strategies this time.

Let’s take it from the top again,

Goal One: Have Fun

The medium date is going to take place at night and at a place that’s a lot more inter-
esting than a coffee shop.

For example, whenever I went bowling there was an arcade, pool and laser tag also
attached to the bowling place.

Now, I don’t know about you but anyone, no matter their age, can have fun in a
place like that.

Now, let’s imagine this picture for a moment.

Cordelia and Bob start bowling.

But that gets old fast.

So Cordelia suggests that they go shoot a round of pool.

Bob agrees.

But again, that gets old very fast.

So Cordelia suggests that they play at the arcade.

However, it gets old.

So Cordelia suggests that they shoot some laser tag.

Pretty soon Bob is having fun.

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And that’s where Cordelia goes in for the kill,

“You know what I could really use right now? Some ice cream! I saw an ice cream
place nearby do you want to go grab some?”

You see, if there was one flaw with the medium date it’s that it may be a little too fun
filled an not enough romance filled.

Well, a change of location to some place less fun and more quiet can accomplish
that.

An ice cream shop is a perfect place for Cordelia and Bob to have some time to talk
and build attraction.

Goal Three: End The Date Early

You think I made a mistake.

You think that I forgot about goal two.

That’s not the case. I just figured that talking about ending the date early here would
be smarter and I would cover goal two after this.

Take a look at the trajectory of the medium date that Cordelia and Bob have gone
on.

They have bowled...

They have shot a round of pool...

They have played in an arcade...

They have played laser tag...

And now they are eating ice cream and connecting...

If my math is right that’s a total of 5 location changes in the span of 3 hours.

This date has been exciting and it has also found a way to pack in some time to con-
nect.

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But it’s during that time in the ice cream shop where Cordelia needs to be extra
aware of how Bob is feeling.

Remember, we are looking for a point where he is legitimately enjoying himself.

Cordelia needs to identify a point where he is going to think,

“Man, I don’t want this to end.”

And that’s where she should end it.

But before I get to that I want to make one thing very clear.

While the medium date largely revolves around having fun the time to connect is es-
sential.

Meaning that Cordelia should always find a way to work that in.

And it’s during that “connecting” that Cordelia should seek to end the date at the
high point.

But just like last time she needs to secure a future date.

So, saying something like,

“This has been so fun. Let’s do this again.”

should do.

Goal Two: The Touch Strategy

Now, you may be sitting there wondering,

“Why the hell did he put the goals so far out of order.”

Well, it’s because the main thing that I want Cordelia to accomplish with the touch
strategy will happen after the date has ended.

You see, after the date is over I want Cordelia to initiate a hug that lasts for 20 sec-
onds.

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Basically the last thing that I want going through Bob’s head isn’t a thought.

It’s oxytocin...

But having a hug last so long has to be earned and the location has to be right.

In other words, trying to initiate a hug in the middle of an arcade or an ice cream
shop is going to be extremely difficult.

But if Bob and Cordelia are alone in the parking lot in front of their cars...

Well, then that hug becomes a lot easier to achieve.

Now, Cordelia may find that as she initiates the hug with Bob he wants to pull away
before the 20 seconds are up.

That’s fine...

She should let him.

This hugs purpose other purpose is to serve as a test to see how well the date went.

THE ROMANTIC DATE

The romantic date is definitely the most important date that Cordelia is going to go
on.

But genders do matter here.

Therefore, there is going to be a point during this section where I am going to have
to divide this up for men and for women.

More on that in a second.

For now lets cover what our strategy is with the romantic date,

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 THE ASK
(FOR MEN)

LOCATION TOUCH
STRATEGY

THE
REPEAT
(WOMEN)

You’re confused, huh?

It’s ok, we will take this step by step.

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Goal One: Location

Location is important for a romantic date. In fact, I would argue that it’s what makes
the romantic date romantic.

For example, can you imagine if Cordelia tried to have a romantic date at McDon-
alds?

Something tells me that she isn’t going to get Bob to ask her to be official there.

Instead, Cordelia should suggest the following locations for dates,

• Going To A Museum

• Going To A Pumpkin Patch

• Going On A Picnic

• Going To The Beach

• Going Strawberry Picking

• Watching A Sunset Together

• Going On A Hot Air Balloon

• Going To The Opera (I am iffy about this one)

• Going To A Cornfield Maze

• Going To A Carnival

• Going To The Aquarium

• Going Horseback Riding

• Going To A Jazz Club

• Taking A Wine Tasting Tour

I can see all of these locations working to re-ignite a relationship.

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To be honest with you location is pretty self explanatory. There isn’t too much there
that I can add on to it.

The more romantic the location the better Cordelia's chances are of getting her ex
back.

Enough said...

Goal Two: Touch Strategy

I’m going to be honest with you...

I should have named this the kiss strategy because that’s what we are going to be
going for here.

If you’ll recall correctly with the small date your main goal was to just re-enter the pic-
ture with a few hugs and little touches.

With the medium date you wanted that oxytocin to be released by holding a hug for
at least 20 seconds.

With this date we are going to attempt to make a kiss happen.

But how?

By using something I like to call....

The triangle method!

What is that?

It’s a method that I have come up with for men and women to use when they want to
initiate a kiss with a potential lover.

Now, in order for the triangle method to work for Cordelia a few things need to hap-
pen.

The first thing that needs to happen is that Bob and her need to be placed within a
romantic location.

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Luckily, since this is the romantic date the location isn’t going to be a problem.

The second thing that needs to happen is that Cordelia is going to have to slowly
but surely build up physical attraction throughout the date.

Lets pretend that we could chart physical attraction on a chart.

Notice how the start of the date begins with playful little touches but as the date ad-
vances the ante progressively gets upped with hugging and then finally a kiss at the
end of the date.

The triangle method needs this type of a trajectory throughout the date.

But lets assume that all of this happens with Cordelia and Bob.

Let’s say that they decide to go for a late night stroll on the beach and the proper
amount of physical attraction was built throughout the date.

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How does the triangle method work?

Take a look at the graphic below,

This is a picture of Bob.

You may have noticed that Bob has three red arrows plastered on his face and if you
look close enough you will see that those arrows create an upside down triangle.

So, what are these arrows supposed to represent.

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Well, imagine for a moment that you are Cordelia and you are looking straight into
Bob’s face.

The path that you want your eyes to take are as follows,

You want to look at Bob’s eyes from the left to the right.

Then after that you want to move down and look at his lips.

Like this,

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Care to take a guess at what happens next?

If you guessed that you move from the lips back up to the eyes then you would be
right,

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After you have made the full triangle you simply repeat the process from start to fin-
ish again.

You see, what this accomplishes is that it’s an indirect way of insinuating that you
want to kiss and unless Bob is an idiot he is going to take the hint.

But that begs an interesting question for the men reading this book.

Will the triangle method work for them?

Yes, it will except you guys have an extra step.

You have to initiate the kiss.

344
Look, if I was in your shoes here is what I would do,

Now, I know this may look confusing at first but bear with me here fellas.

Let’s pretend, for the sake of argument, we are Bob and we are trying to kiss Corde-
lia (who is pictured above.)

What we would want to do is look into her eyes and go from left to right, right to left,
left to right and then finally right to left.

345
After that we simply look at her lips and then complete the triangle by moving back
up to her eyes.

We want to give her an indirect indication that we are going to go in for the kiss.

And then we go in for the kiss.

It’s as simple as that.

Goal Three (For Men): The Ask

This section is only meant for the men reading this book. Therefore, if you are a
woman you should skip over to the next section.

Men... Listen up.

This is going to be the moment where you are going to ask your ex girlfriend to be of-
ficial again.

Now, oftentimes I get people who ask me what they should say to convince an ex to
take them back.

The truth is that there is no special phrase or secret word you need to mutter to get
the job done.

Oftentimes all that needs to be done is the hard work of getting to the point of where
your ex is open to taking you back.

Everything that lead up to this point is what is usually going to seal the deal for you.

The no contact rule...

The texting...

The phone calls...

The dates...

That’s what’s going to get you over the finish line.

346
But when it comes to asking your girl back out.

I only have one piece of advice for you.

Pick your spots.

What do I mean by that?

Ask her when the mood is right.

Don’t ask her in a parking lot of a McDonalds.

Wait until she is in the best mood of her life.

She is going to most likely say yes if you have advanced to this stage and pick the
right spot.

As for what to say...

Again, there is no special phrase or words that you should mutter. Just tell her how
you feel and ask her.

Now is the time!

Goal Three (For Women): The Repeat

In my opinion, girls got the rotten deal when it comes to dating.

You see, oftentimes you will hear men gripe about the fact that they always have to
be the ones to initiate things and that all women have to do is sit there.

But I actually think that’s a disadvantage for women.

That puts things out of their control.

At least men have the ability to control their own fates.

Not that women don’t have that ability but even I will admit that it means more for a
relationship if a man is the one to ask.

347
So, I often recommend that women give a man a chance to step up and ask her to
be official before they try to take control of their own fates.

Let’s say that Cordelia and Bob went on their romantic date and things went really
well except Bob didn’t ask Cordelia out.

I feel that Cordelia should try to repeat the date a total of three times before trying
something.

I alluded to that on page 149 with the graphic below,

Basically Cordelia needs to repeat three romantic dates with Bob before she
pauses.

Now, what do you think I mean by pause?

348
Well, when I say pause I want her to go into a no contact rule for 3 whole days.

I want Bob to feel like he is missing out.

I want him to understand that Cordelia shouldn’t be taken lightly and that if he waits
too long some other guy is going to come scoop her up.

Usually this is enough to shock a man into committing.

But in the event that it isn’t.

Then I suppose she can attempt to secure a commitment on her own.

349
CHAPTER FIVE

SPECIFIC
SITUATIONS
Welcome to the most unique part of this
book.

It’s here where we are going to identify

your particular situation and tailor a strat-
egy to it.
Now, it’s been a while since page 14 where I gave you a list of the strategies that we
would be covering so that’s what I am going to do right now.

Below is a list of all the situations that we are going to be covering,

• You Cheated

• They Cheated

• Long Distance

• Being Blocked

• He/She Has A New Girlfriend/Boyfriend

• If You Slept With Them (Being Friend With Benefits)

• Engagement

• If They Are In The Army

• If You Have A Child Together

• How To Get Them Back After A Long Time Apart (1 Yr +)

• What To Do If They Are Married

• If You Were Friend Zoned

• If You Are Pregnant (Women Only)

Phew....

That’s a lot to digest, huh?

Ok, so here is how this is going to work.

One by one I am going to go down this list and talk about what you need to do to
get your ex back if you find yourself in that particular predicament.

Now, here is the cool thing.

351
Back on page 19 I gave you a very general game plan which I then spent the next
330 pages dissecting.

Rather than throwing all that hard work out I think the most practical way of ap-
proaching things going forward is to use that game plan as a starting point.

Of course, certain things will need to be altered or added to it

Now, the things I add or alter I will talk about in detail so you understand why you
are going to be adding or altering them.

If you forgot here is a quick refresher of our game plan template,

Anyways, I am getting tired of talking about this.

Let’s just hop right to it and talk about our first situation.

352
353
YOU CHEATED I wanted to start off with what I consider to be one of
ON YOUR EX... the hardest situations to succeed in.

Now, before you freak out by the fact that I think you
are in a very difficult situation I do want to say that I
feel I have come up with an incredible game plan for
you to follow.

You ready to see it?

354
 NO KILL MINDSET
CONTACT RELATIONSHIP SHIFT

NO SAME
TEXTING JEALOUSY STRATEGY

PHONE SAME SAME

CALLS STRATEGY STRATEGY

IN SAME SAME
PERSON STRATEGY STRATEGY

355
I suppose the smartest way to approach this going forward is taking this level by
level.

So, what has changed with the no contact rule?

THE NO CONTACT RULE

You still want to be doing the same stuff I taught before with the more generalized
game plan.

In other words, you still want to do stuff like the gatsby method and employing the
holy trinity.

However, with cheating involved there are a few extra things that I am going to re-
quire you to do.

The first thing revolves around “killing the relationship.”

What Is “Killing The Relationship?”

Lets look at things from your exes perspective for a moment.

Lets say that your ex is thinking seriously about taking you back but is having some
serious reservations about doing so because you are still good friends with the per-
son that you cheated with.

What about if your ex actually did take you back but you were still good friends with
the person you cheated on them with?

Something tells me that your ex is going to be worried about history repeating itself.

One of the biggest mistakes I see that people make when they are in this particular
situation is that they don’t have the stones to be a little mean and end a relationship
with the person that is the cause of all of their exes pain.

Look, I am not a fan of burning bridges but in the end it all boils down to this.

356
Who do you want more?

Your ex (the reason you are here) or the person you cheated on them with?

If you are serious about getting your ex back then show that intense commitment to
them and don’t be afraid to be a little mean to this other person.

• Block the person from calling or texting you.

• Block them from all forms of social media.

• Never see them again in person.

• Essentially cut them out of your life entirely.

Is this too harsh and a bit much?

Probably.

But here is the way I look at it.

Lets say that you advance pretty far in your quest to get your ex back. After months
of slowly rebuilding trust you finally go on a date with them.

This is it.

You FINALLY have them one on one again and it’s your chance to prove to them that
you’ve turned over a new leaf. Of course, eventually your ex is going to get curious
and ask the question that all exes will eventually ask in this situation.

“So, how’s (insert name of person you cheated on them with?)”

This is a question with meaning behind it.

If an ex ever asks you something like this then that means they are trying to figure
out what your relationship with that particular person is like.

It is at this point that you have two options which will all depend on whether or not
you took my advice.

357
Option One- You Are Still Friends With The Person You Cheated On Them With

(AKA, The Wrong Option)

Lets say for a minute that you are an idiot and didn’t take my advice of completely
ending your relationship with the person you cheated on your ex with. Well, one of
the main doubts in your exes head on whether or not they want to get back with you
is if history is going to repeat itself.

Specifically with this one person.

So, the second that your ex asks you the age old question and pry’s into your rela-
tionship with that one person and you tell them that you are still friends with that per-
son then that is going to add extra doubt into your exes head which is going to
make it twice as hard to get them back.

Option Two- You Haven’t Spoken To That Person Since The Incident (You Cut
Them Out Of Your Life)

(AKA, The Right Option)

Alright, now lets say that you were smart and you did take my advice about cutting
the person that you cheated on your ex with completely out of your life.

When your ex asks the question and you tell them that you got rid of them as a
friend, as a phone contact and from all social media your ex is going to be very im-
pressed and instead of doubt creeping into their head the exact opposite thing will
creep into their head, trust.

Let’s move on to our next little alteration.

The Mindset Shift

This part isn’t going to be easy to hear but it has to be heard.

Any type of behavior that can make your ex think of cheating has to be eliminated.

What are these types of behaviors?

358
 • Getting drunk.

• Going to clubs (for a while.)

• Going to bars (for a while.)

• Hitting on other people.

I am going to take a moment now and describe the threat of each of these behaviors
and why you are going to have to avoid them at all costs.

Getting Drunk

You want to know what the most cited reason is for cheating?

“I was drunk… it was a mistake.”

Now, that’s a total BS answer but I have heard way too many stories from people us-
ing it as a crutch for cheating. Look, people have crazy minds. So, trust me when I
say that you getting drunk can lead an exes mind down a rabbit hole that eventually
associates it with cheating.

So, rather than taking this chance of having your ex look at you like an unchanged
child I say cut out drinking altogether.

Of course, if you do like a beer every now and then at least promise yourself that
you won’t get drunk.

Show some commitment to this.

Going To Clubs And Bars

I have a question I want to ask you.

Why do most single men go to clubs and bars?

Let’s not beat around the bush here, it’s to get laid.

Here’s my next question.

359
Why do women go to bars or clubs?

Well, it’s usually to meet a man.

Your ex isn’t stupid and realizes these facts. So, if for some reason an ex catches
wind that you are going to a club or a bar they have already began forming an asso-
ciating that you are going to try to meet other people.

So, show some commitment and be willing to sacrifice going to the clubs and bars.

Hitting On Other People

I have a feeling that this is going to be one of the more challenging tasks that I ask
of you.

Look, you are single and I am assuming that you are pretty good with attraction be-
cause you got a partner (and you cheated on them.) So, that tells me that you know
how to seduce.

Well, if you really want your ex back then you are going to have to stop flirting with
members of the opposite sex. You will have to stop hitting on them too. Your sole fo-
cus needs to be on one person, your ex.

360
YOUR EX Being on the receiving end of being cheated on gives
CHEATED ON you a much better chance of success in my opinion.
YOU However, the one major headwind that you face is
your own ability to cope with betrayal.

It has once been said that being cheated on is the

worst pain on earth. I am not sure I agree with that but
that’s besides the point.

Let’s talk about the alterations you need to make.

361
 NO DETERMINE IF
YOU WANT
SAME
CONTACT THEM BACK
STRATEGY

JUMP THROUGH SAME

TEXTING HOOPS STRATEGY

PHONE JUMP THROUGH SAME

CALLS HOOPS STRATEGY

IN JUMP THROUGH SAME

PERSON HOOPS STRATEGY

362
Hmm...

I think that instead of tackling things by going from level to level, like I did with cheat-
ing I am just going to talk about the overall alterations to the game plan.

So, when it comes to the overall game plan much of it remains intact.

There are only two alterations that I would make to it.

Of course, one of the alterations affects three aspects of the strategy but more on
that in a second.

Let’s talk about the more straightforward alteration.

DO YOU REALLY WANT THEM

BACK?
I want to start this section off with a statement.

It is entirely possible to have a great relationship with someone if they cheat on you.
It’s just that most people can’t get over the initial betrayal of cheated on.

I have done a lot of research on this and have determined that for most people it will
take years to finally forgive their partners for cheating on them.

And if I can interject with someone a little more personally I would say that I don’t
have it in me to forgive that type of betrayal.

I mean, I can already tell you how I would handle it.

I would probably attempt to salvage the relationship but every time I kissed my part-
ner I would literally think to myself,

“I wonder if he kissed her like this. I bet he did.”

I am not sure I could go a day without imagining some other guy all over my partner.

363
This is something that you need to be prepared for if you find yourself in this situa-
tion.

I know it may seem difficult but you honestly have to answer this question,

Will you be able to forgive your ex for cheating on you?

Because if you can’t answer yes to that question then I am going to tell you right
now that it’s going to be a waste of time to attempt to get an ex back.

Why?

Well, let’s play devils advocate and say that you were cheated on by your ex (which
if you are reading this section you probably have been.) Let’s also say that you
ended up getting your ex back but during the new relationship you couldn’t find it in
your heart to forgive them.

As a result, a breakup occurs again.

You have literally just wasted your time and have end up at exactly the same point.

It’s a self fulfilling prophecy where you convince yourself that you can forgive them
but when push comes to shove you can’t so you end up breaking up.

Forgiveness is essential for a relationship to work.

Do you think you can truly forgive your ex for what they did to you?

If so, then continue.

If not, then I would recommend that you start working on moving on.

JUMPING THROUGH HOOPS

When it comes to advice on cheating there is one person that I trust more than any-
one.

Esther Perel!

364
Now, if you don’t know who that is don’t worry, I am going to explain.

Esther Perel is my “go to” expert when I get stuck on cheating.

(Meaning I can’t figure out what to talk about.)

Esther Perel is a world renowned relationship expert and she deserves every good
thing anyone has ever said about her.

She has given a Ted Talk on infidelity, has had a New York Times profile done on her
and has also been featured on Business Insider.

In other words, she knows her shit.

ESPECIALLY when it comes to infidelity.

Through her I learned two core concepts revolving around cheating.

Concept One: Why People Cheat

According to Perel,

“At the heart of an affair, you will often find a longing and a yearning for an emotional
connection, for novelty, for freedom, for autonomy, for sexual intensity, a wish to re-
capture lost parts of ourselves or an attempt to bring back vitality in the face of loss
and tragedy.”

(Source)

So let’s dissect this.

People often cheat for a variety of reasons but they all of those reasons seem to fol-
low a pattern.

Boredom.

Let’s take apart this statement brick by brick.

Yearning for an emotional connection

365
Meaning that if your ex cheated on you then they aren’t feeling satisfied fully by the
emotional connection they have with you.

For novelty, for freedom, for autonomy, for sexual intensity,

Novelty meaning your ex wants something new. They are getting bored of doing the
same thing over and over again.

Maybe they feel trapped and want to break free.

Hell, maybe they want to feel autonomous (independent.)

Sexual intensity... Well, this clearly means someone is getting bored in bed.

A wish to recapture lost parts of ourselves

Ah... the good ole days.

I think you get the picture by now of what I am going for.

Boredom is a very prevalent commonality among all of the reasons Perel listed.

Concept Two: What It Takes To Get Someone Back After Cheating

Now, I looked everywhere for the quote but I couldn’t find it anywhere.

Nevertheless, I want to make sure I give Perel her credit because I am not the one
who came up with this idea.

People often don’t regret cheating and it’s not hard to see why when you look at their
motivations for cheating. You see, in their mind they are just looking for excitement
and the cheating certainly made them feel that way.

So, their apologies aren’t genuine.

They say they are sorry without actually feeling it or meaning it.

Perel found that when people who cheat genuinely express that they are sorry for
the pain they caused the chances in salvaging a relationship are better.

366
This leads me to my next point.

You will notice that throughout our game plan for this particular situation there are
multiple places where I mention that you need to make an ex jump through hoops.

367
Let’s make one thing very clear. You are not the one who fu*ked up here, your ex is.
And you are going to look like a pushover if you just take them back without them
jumping through a few hoops.

Now, what do you think I mean when I say, “jump through hoops?”

I want to you to give your ex tests throughout the process of getting them back.

These tests are meant to prove how serious they are about getting you back.

What are some examples of these tests?

• Getting A Meaningful Apology

• Testing To See If They Will Flirt With Other People

• Seeing If They Are Still Friends With The Person They Cheated With

• Make It Known That There Is No Chance With You If That Person Is Still In The Pic-
ture

• Trust Tests

I want you to preform these little tests throughout the entire strategy. Sprinkle them in
and see if they pass.

368
LONG DISTANCE Out of all the situations out there the one I am the most
RELATIONSHIPS confident in is long distance relationships. Why?

Because I have been in a long distance relationship

for 6 months and I am one of the few people who
came out of the other side successful.

I am now married to the woman I was in an LDR with.

Let’s take a look at the strategy,

369
 NO IS SAME
CONTACT IT FEASIBLE? STRATEGY

PLANT SAME
TEXTING SEEDS STRATEGY

PHONE PLANT SAME

CALLS SEEDS STRATEGY

IN 3 - 5 DAY TRIP
PERSON (NO SEX)
THE ASK

370
The cool thing about the long distance relationship strategy is that it largely remains
the same.

I took the liberty of looking at the general strategy that I taught you about in the
mock campaign and checked off the aspects that are going to be featured in long
distance relationship strategy.

371
With the exception of the “three date” strategy every other aspect of our original
strategy must be done to succeed with a long distance relationship. Here’s the cool
thing though.

(Depending on how you look at it...)

The long distance relationship requires a few extra “add-ons” to the overall strategy.

Let’s talk about those now.

IS IT EVEN FEASIBLE?
Long distance relationships require three things to be successful.

1. Time

2. Money

3. A Plan

Without these three things a breakup is usually inevitable.

Hmm... Perhaps I should dive into each of these three things and tell you about my
experience dealing with them in my own long distance relationship.

Time

My wife, before we were married, lived in Pennsylvania and I lived in Texas. Now,
that’s about 1600 miles apart right there so we didn’t exactly have the option of driv-
ing to see each other every weekend.

Instead, we would have to hop on a plane every month to see each other.

This required a time commitment from both of us since we both had to deal with ex-
tracirrcular things like getting out of work and coordinating our schedules.

So, there is that aspect of time but at the same time both of us didn’t want the rela-
tionship to grow stale.

372
So, subconciously we knew that if we let too much time go by without seeing each
other the relationship would probably deteriorate.

This leads me to my next point.

Generally speaking, the closer you are together as a couple distance wise the more
you see each other.

Let me give you an example.

If you live together you see each other every day.

If you are 30 minutes away from each other then you probably see each other a few
times a week.

If you are 50 to 100 miles away you should probably aim to see each other once a
week.

If you are a plane ride away then you probably should aim to see each other once a
month.

Long distance relationships are defined by their distance and in order to ensure that
the long distance relationship survives you need to both come to an agreement that
you will have to see each other X amount of times every month.

Due to our distance my wife and I agreed that we would see each other at least
once a month.

But that agreement would have been different if we had only been a few hours away
from each other.

Instead, we probably would have aimed to see each other once a week.

This leads me to my next point.

Money

Money is something that you are absolutely going to need if you are in a long dis-
tance relationship.

373
Why is it so essential?

Well, let’s take a look at my situation with my wife. We were 1600 miles apart and we
made a commitment to see each other at least once a month.

Therefore, we both needed money to acquire plane tickets.

Without money our relationship wouldn’t have been possible.

Now, I know what you are thinking,

“But my ex and I aren’t 1,600 miles apart. We are only about 100 and I can just drive
to see them.”

That’s fine but the last time I checked even driving required you to have money.

There are things like gas...

Food on the road...

Where you are going to stay if you stay overnight?

Hell, what if you have car trouble?

No matter how you slice it an LDR is going to require money to become feasible.

A Plan

Long distance relationships by nature are doomed to fail.

I have never met a person who has stayed in a long distance relationship for the rest
of their lives.

Eventually one of two things happen.

The couple breaks up.

OR

The couple creates a plan to kill the distance and be together.

374
Again, I am going to draw from personal experience.

My wife and I knew right when we started dating that we wouldn’t be able to be to-
gether long term without a plan.

So, we decided that the best way to approach the situation was to move in together
after a certain amount of months of dating.

And that’s what we did after 6 months.

Without that plan in place we probably wouldn’t have made it.

Usually the big mistake I see with long distance relationships is the fact that people
get caught in limbo. There is no plan to kill the distance. There is nothing to work to-
wards.

Of course, your significant other has to be on board with this plan and that’s where
you run into a lot of issues.

One person can be on board with a plan but another might not be.

It takes two to tango after all.

So, how does this all come together?

What’s the point of me telling you these three things that a long distance relationship
needs to survive?

Well, if you are looking at getting an LDR ex back then you need to look at your rela-
tionship with them and ask yourself if this is even feasible.

Do you have the time to commit to it?

Do they?

Do you have the money to afford it?

Do they?

Is your ex willing to work with you to create a plan?

375
If you can’t answer correctly to all of those questions then this process isn’t for you.

I know that may sound a little harsh but it’s true.

But let’s operate under the assumption that this process is for you.

What then?

What’s next?

THE 3 - 5 DAY TRIP (NO SEX)

You may have noticed that I completely skipped over the “plant seeds” alteration.

That’s because I feel that the best way to explain planting seeds is by explaining
what you are planting the seeds for.

With the general “get your ex back” strategy I made a huge deal about the three
date method.

But with long distance relationships that isn’t exactly an option.

So instead you are going to have to shoot towards creating a super date.

You should aim to have this date last from anywhere between 3 - 5 days.

Why so long?

Well, let’s assume that you are in a situation like I was in with my wife. You are thou-
sands of miles away and driving to see each other isn’t exactly an option.

You are only going to have one chance to make this work and that chance is with a
trip.

Look, it goes against what I preach in this book BUT your situation changes things.

Now, lets lay out a few ground rules for this trip.

376
The Goal With This Trip Is To Become Official Again

If your ex agrees to see you for a trip then you are almost assured that the two of you
will eventually date again.

However, don’t get a big head. You still have to play the game perfectly to get what
you want.

No Sex... Until Things Are Official Again

DO NOT sleep with your ex until you are officially dating again.

I am not sure how much more bluntly I can put it other than that.

PLANTING SEEDS
You may notice that “planting seeds” is featured throughout the game plan with the
texting and phone call portion.

What do you think it means?

Well, specifically it means that you are going to be planting seeds for the big trip.

You will talk about it...

Allude to it...

And make it happen in the build up to it.

Start off small and then progressively get bolder with it. Much like how I taught you
with tide theory.

Plant the seeds early if things are going well.

Other than that the core strategy remains the same.

377
MY EX BLOCKED Getting blocked by an ex is a horrible situation to be
ME... in.

Luckily, it is something I have dealt with a lot and I

have helped a lot of men and women out of being un-
blocked.

So, don’t look so gloomy. I am going to help you too!

Let’s take a look at our overall strategy,

378
 NO YOUR
STARTING
SAME
CONTACT POINT
STRATEGY

UNBLOCK SAME
TEXTING STRATEGY STRATEGY

PHONE SAME SAME

CALLS STRATEGY STRATEGY

IN SAME
PERSON STRATEGY
THE ASK

379
Again, when you look at the game plan for being blocked much of the core strategy
is still in place it’s just that you have this extra hurdle to cross... being blocked.

So, dealing with that first before you get into some of the more involved stuff is essen-
tial.

There are no major changes to the strategy.

Instead, we are just adding a few extra steps to the strategy.

Let’s cover what those extra steps are,

YOUR STARTING POINT

What do you think I mean by “starting point?”

Well, what I am referring to is how bad your situation is with being blocked. Some-
times people come up to me and ask how they can get unblocked when they aren’t
fully blocked.

What do I mean by that?

Let’s say that an ex blocked them from calling or texting but is still friends with them
on Facebook.

Technically speaking they aren’t fully blocked.

They can still utilize this strategy by contacting their ex via Facebook messages in-
stead of text messages.

I want to move forward with an assumption.

Hmm…

Perhaps “assumption” isn’t the right word.

So, what is the right word for this?

380
Hmm…

Oh, I know.

Worst Case Scenario

Lets assume that you are being blocked by your ex and you want to get them back.
I want to start from a worst case scenario situation and figure out how to approach
the situation. I feel you will get more out of that then me just explaining the basics of
being blocked.

Of course, before I can begin this worst case scenario situation I have to drop some
knowledge on you first.

You cannot get your ex back if you are blocked by them.

Do you understand me?

You need to have some way of communicating with them for you to be able to even
have a chance of getting them back. In other words, what I am saying is that if you
are blocked by your ex and have no way of getting in touch with them then you will
fail.

So, what is the worst case scenario you can find yourself in when it comes to block-
ing?

It’s an important question that needs to get answered so we can continue this sec-
tion.

I think this kind of thing always works better when I am using an example so I have
decided to use the one below.

Lets say that when you and your ex were dating the two of you communicated fre-
quently in three ways. Through calling each other, texting through WhatsApp and
messaging each other through Facebook.

Well, when you take that example then the worst case scenario would be what I like
to call a full out block.

381
What is a full out block?

Simple, it means that you are blocked to such an extent that you have absolutely no
way of contacting your ex other than you turning into a creepy stalker and showing
up at their door step. So, using the example above that would mean that you are
blocked from talking to your ex through their phone, WhatsApp and Facebook.

Of course, a full out block extends beyond just those mediums.

For example, if you had contacted your ex through texting (on your phone), Face-
Time, Facebook, Calling and Snapchat then you would be blocked in all of those ar-
eas.

In other words, a full out block actually means you have NO WAY of talking to your
ex.

You are completely cut off.

Above I mentioned that going forward we are going to assume that you are in a situa-
tion where you are already in a full out block.

I figured you would be more interested in learning how to “houdini” your way out of a
full out block as opposed to a partial block.

For the record a partial block is a situation where you are blocked in most mediums
but not all of them.

So, if you were blocked on their phone, email and WhatsApp but you were still
friends on Facebook that would mean you still have a way of communicating with
them.

Hence you are not fully blocked by them.

But like I said above, most of you are probably curious as to how to get out of a full
out block so for the rest of this section we are going to operate under the assump-
tion that you are blocked fully by them.

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Lets move on to our next section which has to do with understanding what is going
on in her mind during a block.

THE UNBLOCKING STRATEGY

You may be curious as to why I placed the unblocking strategy after the no contact
rule strategy and at the start of the texting strategy.

Well, it’s because I believe that you should implement the no contact rule first before
you try the unblocking strategy.

Why?

Well, you will find out in just a second.

Lets talk a little about the specific actions you can take to improve your chances of
making your ex unblock you from a full out block.

Before I start I would first like you to understand one simple fact.

I can’t guarantee that your ex will unblock you.

No one can.

You can read everything I have ever written and you will notice that I am very ada-
mant about the fact that I can’t guarantee anything when it comes to this process.

What I can guarantee though is that if you follow my advice you will raise your
chances to get your ex to take the desired action you want which in this case means
unblocking you.

So, what we are looking for here is for your ex to unblock you in one way.

Whether it be on Facebook…

The phone…

Or even through email.

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If you are in a “full out” block then you have no way of contacting your ex outside of
being a stalker and tracking them down in person. So, our main goal here is to give
you a chance to communicate with them again.

There are a few things you can do to improve your chances of making that happen.

Lets look at a few of those things now.

THING ONE: Do Nothing

I know what you are thinking.

“Do nothing? Are you crazy?”

Trust me, I’m not.

What have you learned so far about an ex who takes an action of putting you in a full
out block?

That they are emotional, right?

(Side Note: In case you forgot a breakup is one of the most emotional things that a
human being can go through)

Now, what do emotional people do during breakups?

Well, they say things they don’t mean and they do things that don’t really want to do.

In most cases if you do nothing your ex will unblock you for a number of reasons.
Let’s go down the list and talk about a few of those reasons now.

Reason #1- They Miss You

Lets pretend that you and your ex just broke up and as a result of that breakup they
block you from contacting them.

At first they feel pretty pleased with themselves.

However, as time wears on they begin to miss you and wonder what you are up to.

384
They constantly find themselves asking their friends to log onto Facebook and see
what you are doing.

Oh, and if you don’t believe this happens there is a friend that my wife has who has
asked my wife to log on to her Facebook account, JUST to see what her ex is up to
and report her findings back.

Anyways, eventually the facade is too much to endure and they miss talking to you
and they decide to unblock you.

Reason #2- They Did It Out Of Anger And They Are No Longer Angry

Now lets say that your ex gets super angry with you.

Again, breakups tend to do that to people.

In their mind they think to themselves,

“What can I do to make them hurt as bad as I am hurting right now?”

After some reflection they come up with their answer,

“I KNOW! I will just cut them out of my life completely.”

So, what do they do?

They do the full out block on you of course.

They block you from texting them, calling them, Facebooking them, IM’ing them,
emailing them, snapchatting them, WhatsApping them, Skyping them and FaceTim-
ing them.

You are out of the game entirely.

Now, you are pretty depressed upon discovering that they have cut you out of their
life on purpose. However, you don’t let your emotions cloud your logic.

You know (after reading this section) that in most cases an ex will unblock you in one
way, shape or form without you having to do anything.

385
So, something happens to your ex that they weren’t counting on.

After a few weeks their anger subsides.

What was once a fiery rage that made them never want to talk to you again no
longer exists.

They become curious as to what you are up to (see reason #1.)

So, what do they do?

They unblock you.

THING TWO: Good News/ Bad News Friend Tactic

This is going to be a little tricky to explain…

How am I going to do this.

Ok, lets imagine that you are an aspiring actor.

You have been trying to break into the business for years and haven’t had much suc-
cess. In fact, your desire to become an actor is actually one of the reasons your ex
broke up with you.

“You won’t ever be a world famous actor.  You should just get a real job so we can
get married and have a stable life” they always told you.

But you wouldn’t give in.

You were always kind of stubborn that way.

Well, one day you get a call and guess whose on the line?

....

....

....

Brad (FREAKING) Pitt!

386
Pitt tells you that he wants you to star in his latest movie.

He saw an audition that you did and thought you were the perfect candidate to star
alongside him.

You accept of course.

Here’s where things get interesting though.

You decide that you are going to contact your ex and tell them the good news but
upon doing so you realize that you are in a full out block.

Your ex has you blocked everywhere.

Now, this saddens you very deeply since they are the one person you know would
love to hear this incredible news. So, instead of contacting them you decide to con-
tact their best friend since they are the only line of communication you have to them,

You text the friend,

387
It’s a juicy bit of gossip.

So, your exes best friend is forced to share it and what do you think happens next?

Your ex unblocks you of course.

Now, this is a very powerful tactic if used properly so we are going to dive in a bit
deeper here.

The idea behind the good news/bad news factor is that your ex is sitting around their
house one day and suddenly gets a call from their best (and most trusted friend.)

They picks up the phone and the two of them start talking to each other.

It’s at that point that the friend mentions some shocking news about YOU (the ex.)

The idea here is that the news is so shocking that your ex has no choice but to un-
block you and ask you about it.

Take a look at the example text message above.

Notice how I created two text messages to send.

This was by design.

The first message,

388
Is all about delivering the shocking news.

Now, I do want to mention that the news can be either good or bad just as long as
it’s shocking.

Though I will say that I always prefer good news as opposed to bad news.

Hence the Brad Pitt example above.

So, lets take that Brad Pitt example and dissect it a little more.

Remember, this text message is going to your exes best friend and it has to be so
juicy that the friend is forced to share it.

Now, I don’t know about you but suddenly hearing about someone you know getting
a part alongside Brad Pitt is worth sharing.

Obviously (unless you are some sort of super actor) you aren’t going to be able to
make the Brad Pitt claim so lets brainstorm a few ideas that you can realistically
share that are shocking.

Good News Ideas:

• Suddenly losing a ton of weight by sending a picture of how much weight

you lost

• Getting an incredible job

• Achieving an incredible physical feat (running a marathon, etc)

• A mutual icon doing well (a sports icon or something of that nature)

• Discussing a shocking moment in a TV show that just happened

Bad News Ideas:

• Losing a job

• Losing a family member

389
 • Losing something personal to the both of you

• Any other type of shocking bad news you can think of

Again, I am not a huge fan of delivering bad news.

I think good news is so much better.

So, the intent of the first text message you send to the friend is that it has to be such
juicy gossip that the friend will want to do nothing more than to share it with their-
friend (your ex.)

Now, lets take a look at the second text message you are supposed to send.

Again, I am going to go back to the Brad Pitt example,

Where the first text message you send was all about delivering shocking news this
text message is all about ensuring that, that news is shared.

Notice how I made it sound like you wanted to get in touch with your ex but weren’t
able to.

This suggests to the friend that she should share the news without you actually say-
ing,

“Hey, share this good news with my ex so they will unblock me and eventually call
me.”

Also, don’t be afraid to get into a conversation with the friend (who you are basically
using to get in touch with your ex) after you send the second text message.

390
Why?

Because the more you talk to the friend the more likely they are to run back to your
ex and talk about you and the more they talk about you the more likely it is that they
share the shocking thing you want her to share and the chances of your ex unblock-
ing you to find out more about this shocking thing go up!

See, there is a method to this madness.

391
MY EX HAS This is another one of those situations that is difficult to
MOVED ON TO be in.
SOMEONE So, what can you do if your ex has moved on to some-
ELSE... one else?

Are your chances completely done for?

Well, not exactly...

392
 BRIEF

NO SAME
STRATEGY
SAME
CONTACT STRATEGY

RE-ESTABLISH SAME
TEXTING FRIENDSHIP STRATEGY

PHONE RE-ESTABLISH SAME

CALLS FRIENDSHIP STRATEGY

IN SET UP
PERSON A HANG OUT
PICK THE RIGHT
TIME

393
Quite a few alterations have to be made to the overall strategy.

Let’s look at the original strategy and see what aspects made it and which aspects
didn’t.

394
Turns out that again most of the basic strategy is still in play. However, if you look at
the graphic on the previous page you would also be able to tell that a lot of altera-
tions have been made.

Let’s start from the top.

THE BRIEF NO CONTACT RULE

So, what is the thinking behind this?

Well, if your ex is dating someone else the last thing you want to do is disappear
from their lives for too long.

However, at the same time you don’t want to be so prevalent that you don’t give your
ex space.

That’s why I recommend doing the shortest version of the no contact rule.

The 21 day rule.

This should be enough time to make the personal strides you need to make and
serve as a reset button that ushers in an era where your ex is willing to communicate
with you.

Also, it will help advance things in your exes own relationship with the new person.

395
Why is this important?

Well, every new relationship goes through something that I like to call “the honey-
moon period.”

The last thing you want to do is try to get your ex back when they are in the midst of
a honeymoon period with someone else.

Instead, you want to wait until they are off their “high.”

The brief no contact rule can sometimes accomplish this.

Let’s move on and talk about our next alteration.

RE-ESTABLISH FRIENDSHIP

In the texting and phone call levels of the strategy almost no big picture strategies
change but you need to go through a mindset shift.

396
Instead of trying to get your ex back you need to approach this from a position
where you are just trying to get a friend back.

Why is this important?

I am not in to helping someone break up another couple.

And you sending text messages about your previous sex life basically insinuates
that.

This is definitely over the line and it’s something that I can’t get behind.

Instead, I am of the mind that your constant presence can cause your exes new part-
ner to implode.

Personally speaking, I am NOT ok with a person being friends with an ex or even

talking to them every single day.

I know that may sound a little controlling or possessive but the truth is I honestly
don’t care at this point. Perhaps I am a bit jaded because I have seen so much with
regards to exes and I know that any time that exes are friends it usually doesn’t work
out.

Of course, I would like to get your take on this.

Would you be ok with a person you are dating or married to being close friends with
an ex?

Hmm.. let me twist the knife a bit for you.

Imagine that your new (made up) partner is best friends with their ex. Someone who
used to sleep with them, who used to touch them in all the ways you get to. Your
new partner talks to their ex every single day and provides them with emotional sup-
port (support that is supposed to come from you.)

Would you be ok in a situation like that?

Most people aren't.

397
I’ll admit that I certainly wouldn’t be ok with a situation like that.

So, how can we use this knowledge to our advantage?

By becoming your exes friend of course!

Become One Of Your Exes Friends

Right now your goal isn’t going to be to get your ex back.

I know that may sound weird and counterproductive but if you really think about it,
it’s not.

Like I said above, it is very rare for someone to be ok with the fact that their new part-
ner is good friends with their ex. Well, once your exes new partner catches wind that
you and your ex are on speaking terms again (and friends no less) they aren’t going
to be too happy and this is going to cause friction between them.

In other words, you becoming friends with your ex is going to cause your exes new
partner to go absolutely ballistic when they finds out that they are talking to you and
this is what you want. You want THEM to do all the work in making you look like a
star.

Provide Emotional Support

Providing emotional support for your ex (when you become friends) is really where
you are going to shine. If you can get them to open up to you and trust you enough
to let you in then I guarantee that you are going to put yourself in a great position.

Think of it this way.

If your ex can’t get the emotional support they need from their own boyfriend or girl-
friend but they can get it from you then when your ex makes that inevitable compari-
son between you and the new person they are going to take that into account.

Now, I don’t want you to be fooled. When I talk about providing emotional support I
am not talking about helping them with their own relationship. I don’t want you to

398
even mention the new boyfriend or girlfriend at all. If your ex asks you for relation-
ship advice then I want you to decline as politely as possible.

However, anything else requiring emotional support you are definitely the “go to” per-
son.

Not Using Attraction Text Messages

You have to be very careful with sending attraction level text messages to your ex if
they have moved on to someone else.

Focus on building rapport and lightly flirting.

Like I said earlier don’t send anything regarding sex or any of the hardcore compli-
ments that can be taken the wrong way.

I know...

I know...

It feels like your wings are being clipped a bit BUT trust me when I say that your
exes new partner will feel intimidated by your presence.

I would!

SET UP A HANG OUT

399
This is really your first BIG test.

You have done the no contact rule.

You have become your exes friend and provided them with emotional support.

You have rebuilt some of the attraction you used to have with them in a respectful
manner.

(Basically you haven’t overstepped any of your boundaries.)

Well, now is the time to test and see if that hard work paid off. I want you to ask your
ex out for a casual hang out. This isn’t supposed to be a date. It’s just supposed to
be two friends catching up. Now, a really good ex wouldn’t see their own ex out of re-
spect for her their new partner.

So, don’t take it personally if your ex declines your offer to meet up for a hang out.

It doesn’t mean you can’t get them back. It just means that they are being respectful
towards their new partner and they shouldn’t be punished for that. Keep being a con-
stant presence and very slowly build rapport and attraction until they choose to
leave their current partner in favor of the better option, you.

What It Means If They Accept The Hang Out

If your ex accepts your offer to hang out then that means something important.

It means they don’t respect their new partners feelings enough to not hang out with
you.

Why is this important?

Because an ex who is truly in love with someone else wouldn’t do anything to jeop-
ardize that relationship. They wouldn’t hang out with their own ex, they wouldn’t talk
romantically to anyone else. They would be completely committed to that relation-
ship.

400
Luckily for you, if they accept your offer for a casual hang out, it means that they
don’t care enough about their current partners feelings to not hang out with you.

Now, I don’t know about you but that is a very good sign for you!

PICK THE RIGHT TIME

Let’s operate under the assumption that you are able to get that “hang out” with your
ex.

I have guided plenty of men and women whose exes have moved on to this exact
situation and would say that the number one mistake that I see them making is ac-
tively trying to convince their exes to break up with their current partner.

THIS IS A HUGE MISTAKE.

You shouldn’t ever have that conversation with your ex EVER.

Let them come to that conclusion on their own.

But what do you think I mean by “pick the right time?”

Simple, don’t push for a relationship with your ex until they are completely broken up
with their new partner.

For now just become a constant presence.

An intimidating one for the new person.

401
I SLEPT WITH MY Ah... friends with benefits.
EX... It’s sad to say but I see this a lot.

A recent study done by the associate press found that

out of the 1,240 adults surveyed 36% of them admit-
ted to sleeping with an ex. I would love to say that I
am shocked but I am not.

So, how can you get back an ex after you sleep with
them?

402
 NO SAME SAME
CONTACT STRATEGY STRATEGY

SAME
TEXTING PUSH/PULL
STRATEGY

PHONE FRIEND SAME

CALLS ZONE STRATEGY STRATEGY

IN NO SLEEPING
PERSON TOGETHER
SAME
STRATEGY

403
THE FIRST DETERMINATION
I think the first thing that you have to determine is if you have tried the strategy that
we teach here before sleeping with an ex.

OR

If you ended up sleeping with an ex before trying any of the strategies.

Let’s pretend that you slept with your ex boyfriend before trying any of the strategies.

Going forward you have a very simple game plan!

Just do what I spent 350 pages covering.

404
The game plan I put together at the beginning of this section is really meant for peo-
ple who have already done the no contact rule and advanced to an in person inter-
action and had sex with their ex.

We need to make some alterations going forward and what I would like to focus on
with this strategy is this area,

405
You made a pretty big mistake sleeping with your ex. However, what if I told you that
I found a way to make your mistake work for you?

Have you ever seen that game that people play with cats?

They call it,

“Playing a game of cat and mouse.”

Basically they dangle a fake mouse in front of a cat and the cat swipes at the fake
mouse trying to get it.

However, as the cat swipes, right before it makes contact the person pulls the
mouse away.

This only makes the cat more determined as it gets serious about trying to get that
fake mouse.

You are going to be doing something similar to your ex except sex is going to be
used as your “fake mouse” and you aren’t ever going to let your ex have that “fake
mouse” until they commit.

Let’s look at some of the strategies that you are going to be employing here.

THE PUSH/PULL THEORY

The push/pull theory is a pretty simple theory on the surface but once you dive
deeper it can become complex.

In other words, there is a very specific way that I feel it should be used.

But let’s define it first.

The Push/Pull Theory- You pull your ex in by saying or doing something sweet and
then you push them away by teasing them or doing something that disqualifies “the
pull.”

406
Mixed signals are a perfect example of the push/pull theory.

When your ex does something that makes you think,

“Man, they may really want me back.”

And then the next moment they turn around and do something that makes you think,

“Never mind… they don’t want me back.”

This is the push/pull theory at work.

The desired result by using the push/pull theory is that you make your ex want you
even more. It’s supposed to put you in a position where you are highly valued. BUT
in order to achieve this you really need to implement the theory in a certain way.

More on that in a second.

Let’s turn to our research.

What Research Says About The Push/Pull Theory

I first came across the push/pull theory when reading a book called,

“The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists”

It was basically written by a guy who was very nerdy and couldn’t get a girl to save
his life. However, throughout the book he undergoes this physical and emotional
transformation after meeting and hanging out with a society of pickup artists.

Essentially he listens to what they say and successfully is able to get any girl he
wants.

One of the tactics that these PUA’s (pickup artists) preached to him was the push/
pull theory.

Now, I do want to say that pickup artists are a pretty despicable bunch.

They don’t respect women…

407
They take advantage of them…

All around they aren’t very nice.

But they were on to something with the push/pull theory. Just not in the way they de-
scribe it.

You see, there is a fundamental flaw with the push/pull theory.

It basically makes you look like an a**hole.

What I Have Found To Be True With The Push/Pull Theory

I want you to imagine something for me.

Imagine that you use the P/P theory to the extreme.

You say something that pulls your ex in,

And then you say something that pushes your ex away,

408
This is the way the pickup community thinks you should use the push/pull theory.

I think this is a massive mistake because all you accomplish by doing this is looking
like a total dweeb. Seriously, if someone did that to me I am pretty sure they would
be getting a big “fu*k you” in my head. So, here’s what you should do.

Instead of taking the push/pull theory literally and incorporating it into every mes-
sage or conversation you have with your ex you should look at it in a more general
way.

Yes, you want to incorporate it but you probably need to incorporate it without say-
ing something that will piss your ex off.

That’s why I would like to introduce you to my version of the push/pull theory.

My Version Of Push/Pull Theory

Have you ever been fishing?

Yes?

Have you ever caught a fish?

409
No?

Well, allow me to explain how that process goes down.

The first thing you need is a fishing pole and some type of bait to attract the fish.
Once you have those things you go to an area where there are fish and throw your
line in the water,

Eventually… after enough time passes a fish will bite the bait and get stuck on the
hook at the end of the fishing line,

410
Now the hard part begins. It’s time to reel your fish in.

But how?

Well, oftentimes if you reel the fish in too fast then it will get loose and run away.

So, what can you do?

Well, what you want to do is lightly pull the fish in… and then let it go a bit…. and
then pull it in a bit… and then let it go for a bit. However, the key here is that every
time you “let it go” you let it go for less and less.

Remember, you want this fish to be pulled in completely.

It kind of looks like this,

411
Do you see where I am going with this analogy?

No?

Ok, maybe this will make things clearer,

You essentially want to make your ex feel like they have a chance and then make
them feel like they don’t. You want to be engaged with them and then not engaged
with them.

412
Let me give you an example.

Let’s say that you have gotten very far into the ex recovery process and you are at
the point where you are talking on the phone. The two of you just had an amazing
conversation.

This can be classified as “the pull.”

Well, now it’s time to push.

Maybe you ignore your ex for a day.

You don’t say anything mean or do anything ridiculous that those pickup artists rec-
ommend you just ignore.

That’s all the push you need.

THE FRIEND ZONE STRATEGY

I know what I am about to say sounds counterintuitive but it’s oddly effective.

Let’s look at the situation as a whole.

You and your ex slept together.

In your exes mind they think you are more than friends.

They think you are probably friends with benefits.

And for the most part you have acted in a way that aligns with this. But what if that
changed?

What if instead of begging for a relationship you treated your ex like a friend.... AND
THAT’S IT.

Hypothetical situation...

You are moving into a new apartment.

413
And you have a lot of stuff lying around that you need help packing up.

Who should you call?

Well, you should a few people.

Your ex and another friend who shares the sex as your ex.

Let’s say for the sake of argument that you are a woman reading this book. Well, the
way this would work is you would invite your ex, who is a man and another friend of
yours who is a man.

Competition can work wonders and showing your ex that they aren’t as great as they
thought by friend zoning them is oddly effective.

You see, in your exes mind they think they are better than every other potential suitor
out there and showing them that you view them as just a friend will drive them nuts.

It falls into what I said about psychological reactance and people trying to get their
freedoms back.

WAITING TO SLEEP WITH AN EX

Back in 2000 communications professor, Sandra Metts did a study to determine if
having an emotional connection (saying “I love you”) before having sex could have a
positive impact on the trajectory of a relationship.

She determined that couples who had sex before saying “I love you” often had a
negative experience with their relationship.

AKA: They broke up faster or had a very toxic experience in their relationships.

(source)

What does this tell us?

414
Well, it tells us that establishing an emotional connection before you have sex is very
important for the survival of a relationship.

It also explains my theory above about how exes can suddenly lose interest after get-
ting sex too soon.

There is no emotional connection to hold their interest.

Which is why it’s essential to get them to commit before you become intimate.

415
IF YOU WERE Believe it or not but I have had a lot of success with
ENGAGED TO getting people back together when they were en-
YOUR EX gaged to be married.

Why?

Well, we will get to that in a second.

For now, let’s talk about the overall strategy for getting
an engaged couple back together.

416
 NO SAME SAME
CONTACT STRATEGY STRATEGY

SAME
TEXTING SAME
STRATEGY
STRATEGY

PHONE SAME SAME

CALLS STRATEGY STRATEGY

IN SAME
PERSON STRATEGY
SAME
STRATEGY

417
Hmm...

That’s odd..

It appears that there aren’t any alterations that were made to the original game plan.

What gives?

Well, believe it or not but I don’t consider an engagement to require anything differ-
ent or new to the original strategy that we talked about in this book.

Why not?

Because everything I talked about originally will work very well.

Don’t believe me?

Well, I would like to introduce you to “R”

418
“R” was able to successfully get her ex back after being engaged to him.

Now, as you can see from her situation it wasn’t necessary the easiest process but
she didn’t do anything special to succeed.

She just stuck to the basics and even though she really struggled with the no con-
tact rule she did do everything else pretty well and ended up succeeded in getting
her ex back.

Here’s my best advice if you find yourself in this situation.

Stick to the basics.

Don’t try to reinvent the wheel.

419
IF YOU EX IS IN This one has been a long time coming.
THE ARMY I have written about a lot of situations throughout my
time as a relationship consultant but for some reason I
have always put this one off despite the fact that I get
tons of questions about it.

If you need proof of this all you need to do is think

back to episode 11 of the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pod-
cast where a woman named Shannon asked me a

420
question about trying to get her ex back when he was about to be deployed over-
seas via the army.

Of course, Shannon was one of the lucky ones who was able to implement my ad-
vice and win her ex back as evidenced here.

But when you take those two resources into account they are by my own admittance
a bit… thin.

I mean, I am sure you could listen to those two podcast episodes and think to your-
self,

“Where are the details?”

“What do I do in this situation?”

“What do I do in that situation?”

Well, that is going to end today because, I am going tell you exactly what you need
to do to get your ex back if they are in the Army, Military, Navy, Air Force or any other
combat type of outfit that you can think of.

First though, I feel it is important to set the groundwork for what this section is going
to cover.

THE GROUNDWORK
There are two things that come to mind when I think about a situation like this.

Well, technically those “things” are situations in and of themselves but bear with me
here.

Thing 1: There are people whose exes have shipped away due to the Army, Navy or
Military

Thing 2: There are people whose exes are in the Army, Navy or Military and are still
stateside.

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Guess which “thing” we are going to be covering here today?

Thing 1 of course!

Now, you may be wondering why I’m not going to help those people whose exes are
in the army but are still at home.

The answer is quite simple.

In that case there isn’t really anything special you have to do to get them back.

In other words, someone who has gone through a general breakup is going to have
the same exact “get your ex back strategy” as someone who has an ex in the Army
that is still stateside.

What we are really focusing on in this page is how to get your ex back if he is in the
Army, Navy or Military when they have been shipped away.

Now, I realize that this isn’t exactly the broad topic that a lot of the people visiting my
websites love to read about but this guide absolutely needs to get made because I
can’t tell you how many questions I have run across over the past few years from
people asking what they should do if their ex is about to get shipped away.

Well, now it’s made!

Lets start at the beginning.

ARMY, MILITARY AND NAVY

BREAKUPS
Dating someone from the Military is kind of tough.

Look, I am definitely not into talking bad about the Army or anything like that BUT
when you look at combat jobs like being in the Military or Army and you try to match
it up with dating it’s just tough.

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While there are a TON of advantages to being in a uniform there are also a lot of sac-
rifices.

For example, lets assume that you and your ex are still dating and they get stationed
somewhere in Texas. Now, since you are a huge lover of the heat you have no prob-
lem with this at all. Just as you start to get settled in Texas their job demands that
they move North to New York in the middle of the coldest Winter ever.

“Ugh… I hate this you think to yourself.”

And then lets say the worst happens and they get shipped off to some foreign coun-
try you have never heard of in the middle of some terrible war zone.

Not only are you worried about where the two of you stand in your relationship but
now you are worried about their life.

You have read the crazy stories of a couple very much in love and then the someone
gets shipped overseas only to come back in a coffin…

That’s scary and it adds a lot of stress to your relationship.

WHAT IS GOING THROUGH YOUR

EXES MIND DURING THE BREAKUP?
We already know that being in the Military adds a lot of stress to a relationship but
you have found yourself in a unique situation.

Your ex (who is in the Military) is being shipped away on tour and has broken up
with you.

You have a lot of questions.

“What is going on in their mind?”

“Why did they break up with me?”

423
“Is it possible for me to even get them back?”

Lets take a good moment and answer some of those questions. Now, before I get
started I do want to mention that I am not in the Military nor have I ever been in the
Military. So, I can’t say that I know for certain what is going on in your exes mind if
they are.

However, I can say that I know people quite well so while I may not be the best per-
son to talk to you about Army stuff I can say that I am the best person to talk to you
about people stuff.

So, with that little disclaimer out of the way lets get down to business.

WHY YOUR EX BROKE UP WITH YOU

Lets talk about this for a minute.

One day everything is fine between you and your ex and then the next day they tell
you that they can’t do it anymore….

That they are behind where you are in the relationship…

That the two of you have moved too fast…

“What the hell are they talking about?” you think to yourself.

What I want to do now is explain the “why.”

Why would someone break up with you when everything seemed fine?

Well, the big “X” factor here is the fact that your ex is about to be shipped away due
to the fact that they are in the Army.

Most people in their position would probably think a few things.

Thought One: “I don’t want want to be tied down while I am away”

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Lets pretend that you are a guy who is in the military and you have this… vision in
your head.

What’s the vision?

Basically you get shipped overseas and fight for a few months until you finally get a
break. While on your break you are sitting at a cafe and you meet a beautiful girl,

As you look at her she looks back at you.

The connection is undeniable.

Now flash forward to the night where the two of you are in bed together having the
most passionate sex of your life.

What I am trying to do here is show you what is going on in a hypothetical mans

mind who is in the Army, Military or Navy.

That little fantasy isn’t possible if a man already has a woman back home.

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Well, I suppose that’s not entirely true as a man could always cheat on his woman
back home and she would be none the wiser but we are hoping a man of the military
has more loyalty than that.

Oh, but I haven’t even gotten to the funniest part yet.

When someone fantasizes about something like this it almost never come to fruition.

How do I know that?

Well, if it did then every man would be walking around with a big boobed blonde/
brunette girlfriend.

Oh, and that little cafe fantasy that I painted for you above.

Well, instead of that girl at the cafe looking like the one pictured on the previous
page she probably looks more like this,

Let’s move on to the next thought.

426
Thought Two: “I Don’t Want Her To Find Someone Else… I Need To Protect My-
self”

One word.

Jarhead…

Now, I realize I may be talking to women here so I don’t expect you to have seen
this.

But if you have then there is a specific scene that is coming to mind here.

Do you know the one I am talking about?

Probably not…

Let’s just call it “The Deer Hunter Scene.”

In order for me to explain this to you I need to give you a bit of background.

There is a famous movie that won a bunch of Oscars called “The Deer Hunter.”

427
And no this movie isn’t about hunting deer…

Well, there is actually a deer hunt in the movie… A couple of them.

But it’s a war movie.

Basically there is a deer hunt at the beginning of the movie and then once again to-
wards the end of the movie after war.

Whatever… the movie is great and I definitely recommend it if you are into that type
of thing but as you probably assumed it’s very big among men that are in the Mili-
tary.

So, now lets flash back to the movie “Jarhead.”

During a break a man’s wife sends him the movie “The Deer Hunter” to watch and
when he gets the movie he gathers a bunch of his fellow peers to watch it. By the
end he has like 30 people all sitting and watching what they think is going to be the
movie “The Deer Hunter.”

Guess what?

It’s not “The Deer Hunter” instead it’s a video of the wife cheating on the man with
the next door neighbor…

I don’t want to get much more graphic than that so I’ll let you fill in the blanks.

What I am getting at here is that every man is afraid of being cheated on and being
shipped away further prods at this insecurity for a man.

Now, before you roll your eyes and tell me that, that’s not the reason that your ex
(who is in the Military) broke up with you I want to let you know that no person is im-
mune to this.

You’ve heard the phrase,

“Out of sight, out of mind,” right?

428
Your ex doesn’t know what you will do behind their back and an active imagination
can be a bad thing.

So, instead of talking to you about their fears of being cheated on they decide to pro-
tect themselves by breaking up with you before you have a chance to hurt him.

Thought Three: “I Don’t Believe In Long Distance Relationships”

Can I just say one thing?

Yup, I am totally guilty of this.

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Before I met my wife I literally would look at a long distance relationship and scoffed
at the idea of it.

Heck, my wife thought the exact same thing.

Here is the funniest part.

For 6 months the both of us were in a long distance relationship with each other.

Hypocritical of both of us, huh?

There is a point of me telling you this though.

There is a stereotype that follows LDR’s around and hardly anyone wants to be a
part of that stereotype. Now, when you look at an ex who is about to be shipped
away due to their combat duties they are going to look at your relationship with them
and think,

“Wait, when I leave this is going to be long distance… I don’t want that.”

This singular thought is so overwhelming that it can cause anyone to break up with
you.

Now, all this talk about breaking up has gotten me fired up to show you how you can
get your ex back.

CAN THE NO CONTACT RULE WORK?

You have found yourself in a very tough situation.

Your ex has just broken up with you and is about to deploy somewhere far across
the world.

Now, unless you skipped the most important part of this book then you would know
that I am a huge advocate of the no contact rule.

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Basically as you learned earlier the no contact rule is the backbone of almost every
“get your ex back” strategy that I have ever composed.

But having an ex in the Army, Military or Navy is a bit different.

Why?

Simple, when they are deployed they can go months without any cell phone access
for a variety of reasons.

For example, lets say that your ex boyfriend is a Navy Seal. They could get shipped
away for some super top secret mission and won’t have any access to their cell
phone.

How do you deal with that?

How does the no contact rule work in this instance?

What about if your ex is in the Army and they gets shipped to Afghanistan or some
other foreign country where his cell phone reception is horrible?

What are you supposed to do?

Well, in order for me to answer that question you first are going to have to under-
stand a basic get your ex back strategy.

Take a look at the graphic below,

431
This is the basic strategy that I have been peddling to you throughout this entire
book.

But when you look at an ex who is in the army… Well, things are different.

I mean, if they are shipped away then it’s almost like the no contact rule happens on
it’s own and loses a bit of it’s effectiveness…

432
Oh, and then lets say that your ex is shipped to some country where they have little
to no cell service.

You know what that means, right?

433
Yup, text messaging is out and if text messages are out due to poor cell service that
means that phone calls are going to be out too.

434
Honestly the only thing that you can use out of the regular four tier strategy is the
last part, a re-connection in person but there is a big downside to that. While a re-
connection in person may sound good to the average reader it’s rendered useless
without the first three tiers being completed.

In other words, the regular strategy that is used in the more general situations that
women find themselves in on this site can’t be used on an ex who is being shipped
away in the army.

So, what do you do?

Well, that’s what I am going to teach you.

435
THE STRATEGY FOR GETTING AN EX
BACK WHO IS IN THE ARMY, MILITARY
OR NAVY
Since you are in such a unique position I have come up with a new “four tiered” strat-
egy just for you.

I figured we would use the same four tiered graphic since that is what we are used
to already.

436
Ok, so lets talk a little bit about this.

As you can see there are four parts to this new strategy.

1. The Self Improvement No Contact

2. Texting IF Possible

3. If Not Possible Then Patience

4. Regular Strategy When Home

So, here is what I am going to do for you.

I am going to go through this strategy and explain it to you until you understand it so
well that you are sick of reading about it.

Sound good?

Ok, lets start with part one of the strategy.

PART ONE: THE SELF IMPROVEMENT

NO CONTACT
Way back when I first started the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast I got a question
from a woman who was wondering why her ex boyfriend was into her all of a sud-
den.

You see, ever since this woman and her ex broke up the woman’s life really took off.

Her business started succeeding….

She started hanging out with more friends…

All in all her life was going well…

So, the question that this woman had was,

437
Does having your own life help you get your ex boyfriend back?

(Oh, and FYI this was episode 3 of the podcast.)

After all I have seen and learned as a relationship consultant I can honestly say that
having your own life or improving your life does have a positive correlation to getting
your ex back. Now, what do you think I mean when I say that?

Simple, it means that if I were to ask all the people who actually succeeded in get-
ting their exes back the following quesiton,

“Before you got your ex back would you say that you improved your life?”

The vast majority of them would say yes.

I find that interesting because the way that I teach the no contact rule almost lends
itself to self improvement.

Oh who am I kidding.

I am pretty blunt about the fact that during the time that you are actively ignoring
your ex you need to be improving yourself. Again, I explain this in more detail earlier
in this book. You see, in my mind there are two big benefits to a regular no contact
rule.

Benefit One: By ignoring your ex you increase the chances of having him miss you.

Benefit Two: It gives you time to focus on yourself/improve yourself.

Now, since your ex is being shipped away to some foreign country where they might
not be able to use their phone until they are stateside that pretty much takes care of
the no contact rule right there.

However, the huge difference between this self imposed no contact rule and one
that is imposed by someone who is trying to get her ex back in a general situation is
the fact that the no contact rule will probably last for more than a month. Heck, it
may last as much as six months to a year.

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Pretty depressing, right?

Well, after you finish crying lets do something with all this time.

Let’s use this time for self improvement.

Why?

Good question!

WHY IT’S IMPORTANT TO IMPROVE

YOURSELF DURING THE NO CONTACT
RULE
I am going to tell you something and I don’t want you to freak out.

The chances that you and your ex will eventually talk to each other again at some
point are very high.

Yippeee…. YAY… WOOO HOOO….

Did we get that all out of our system?

Good!

When the two of you do eventually come face to face I want you to be at your best.

I want you to have interesting things to talk about…

I want you to make them laugh…

Smile…

Fantasize…

Oh, and above all I want them to be captivated by your looks.

People are really big on looks.

439
I have a question for you.

What matters more to men vs women?

Looks or personality?

Would you like to know the answer?

Both matter a lot for relationships but one always matters a little more than the other.

At the beginning of a relationship it’s looks…

Basically when we look at potential mates we are always basing our judgements off
of their looks.

Personality definitely comes into play at some point but it always starts with looks.

This is especially true of a soldier coming home after a long time.

I want to take a moment and talk about something that I feel none of the other “get
your ex back” experts ever touch on.

It’s a little thing I like to call “The Caged Animal Effect.”

The Caged Animal Effect

Imagine that you are a guy that has been overseas for 9 months. You have been
away from your family, friends and any form of regular civilization for a long time. Oh,
and you haven’t had any type of “sexual release” in all this time.

Well, coming home your sex drive is going to be going crazy.

As an ex you can use this to your advantage.

This is especially true if you were to bump into them on the street and look the best
you have ever looked before.

You might find yourself getting a text like this,

440
Now, this is an obvious attempt to probably release that “caged animal” that is their
sex drive but like I said we are going to use this to our advantage.

What is the one principle that I am constantly preaching to my clients?

People always want what they can’t have?

Well, an ex in the Army is no different.

So, lets pretend that you were to take them up on their date idea of going out and
getting a drink and you were to wear something that “rev them up” on purpose. Just
as the animal in them is about to pounce you leave the date suddenly.

Pretty extreme, right?

Will it work?

Absolutely, they are going to try to ask you on another date and then another and
then another and then pretty soon THEY will the the one constantly annoying you in-
stead of the other way around.

So, improving yourself is kind of a big deal during this time away from each other.

The whole part of the strategy revolves around this.

Let’s move on to the next part of the strategy.

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PART TWO: TEXT IF POSSIBLE
Yesterday one of my wife’s friends came over to help us with the new addition to our
family (a baby.)

Why am I telling you this?

Two reasons,

1. I want to brag about my child

2. My wife’s friend has a brother in the military

Perfect, right?

So, I figured I would ask her a few questions about a man who goes on tour to get a
better idea of how the whole process works.

Here is what I found out.

When a man (or woman) who is in the military gets shipped overseas to go on tour
the tour can last from anywhere between 6 months to 1 year. Heck, in some cases it
can last a year and a half. However, if someone in the military does end up going on
a long tour they will get a leave of two weeks somewhere in the middle of the tour
where they can travel back home.

HOWEVER, according to my wife’s friend it seems like the military seems to be start-
ing to go away from this process as of late and going to a shorter tour with no leave.

So, if your ex is going to be going away for that long of a time then it’s kind of impor-
tant to text them or have some form of contact with them, right?

I mean, it’s kind of impossible to get an ex back without at least talking to him.

But therein lies the problem.

442
What if your ex gets shipped away to some foreign country where they have no cell
service?

What do you do then?

What about if you don’t even have a way of reaching them because they confiscate
theircell phone due to his mission.

Lets explore this a bit more.

What To Do About The Cell Phone Problem

The first thing you always want to do is to determine whether or not your ex will even
have access to a phone.

However, for the sake of this example lets pretend that they do have access to a cell
phone but they doesn’t have any cell phone reception where they are. As a result of
this bad reception they can’t use it for phone calls, text messages or anything else.

Is there a way around this problem?

Unfortunately not…

Soldiers are usually given a couple of computers to Skype on and a few landlines to
make calls to home on but there’s a problem.

How are you going to make an ex in the army Skype you or talk to you on the phone
when THEY broke up with you?

Well, I think I might have an idea for you.

I like to call it the “reminder mail method.”

THE REMINDER MAIL METHOD

If you have been an avid reader of my websites then you know that I am not a big
fan of people sending letters to exes. In my experience it really doesn’t work. I

443
mean, for some strange reason people think that if they pour their heart out in a let-
ter that it’s going to convince an ex to come back to them but that’s never the case.

But what if a letter is the only way that you could get in contact with an ex?

I mean, if your ex is in the Army and they are going to be gone for a long time like a
year you are going to have to do something to remind them that you are still existing
in the world.

But a direct letter to hthem can be dangerous.

So, let’s just take a step back and assess this situation.

Right now your ex is overseas in a strange place amongst a bunch of other dudes in
a platoon.

Hmm…

What if we could somehow get these other guys that he is around to champion your
cause of getting them back?

But how?

How can we do that?

Well, I am sure you are aware of this idea of a military care package, right?

It’s basically this care package that you can send a member of the military that has a
bunch of stuff in it from home. Some care packages are sentimental while others are
more practical and contain things like food. So, here is my idea.

Why not send your ex a care package that isn’t meant for just them but meant for
their entire platoon.

Think of it this way.

Imagine that you sent a care package their way that had enough stuff for their entire
platoon and all you wrote to your ex specifically was a note like,

444
I was just thinking about how lonely it must be for you and your platoon lately so I
thought I would send you guys something.

All of a sudden all of the men he is surrounded by are going to start asking ques-
tions about you and when he tells them that you are his ex they are going to look at
him like he was an idiot for letting you go.

PART THREE: IF NOT POSSIBLE THEN

PATIENCE
What if you are in a situation where you don’t have any way of contacting your ex at
all.

Oh, and the reminder mail method you can’t do due to money constraints or know-
ing where to send the care package.

What are you supposed to do then?

Well, in my opinion there isn’t much you can do at this point.

Perhaps I should rephrase that.

There isn’t much you can do for your ex at this point to get them back.

HOWEVER, there are things that you can do to improve yourself in an attempt to get
him back.

In other words, you are going to have to be patient with the way things are until he
gets back.

Lets talk about some of the things that you can do to improve yourself during this
time.

I am really big on setting goals so lets set a couple of goals for you to complete so
you can improve yourself/bide your time for when your boyfriend comes back.

445
Hmm…

What should these three goals be.

Well, I am a big believer in the holy trinity and no I am not talking about anything bib-
lical here.

I am talking about health, wealth and relationships.

So, set goals relating to each of these aspects.

PART FOUR: REGULAR STRATEGY

WHEN HOME
You aren’t going to make me write a huge explanation here are you?

Basically just refer to the regular strategy I talk about in this book.

446
IF YOU HAVE A When people come to me and ask,
CHILD “Chris how can I get my ex back if we share a child to-
TOGETHER... gether?”

They are hoping I give them a super detailed game

plan but the truth is that you really don’t need to re-
invent the wheel. In fact, only one big change is going
to be needed.

Take a look,

447
 LIMITED SAME SAME
CONTACT STRATEGY STRATEGY

SAME
TEXTING SAME
STRATEGY STRATEGY

PHONE SAME SAME

CALLS STRATEGY STRATEGY

IN SAME SAME
PERSON STRATEGY STRATEGY

448
Do you see what that big change was?

Here, let me help you out.

Instead, of entering into a no contact period I would like you to enter into what I like
to call a “Limited Contact” period.

What’s that?

I am so glad you asked!

449
WHAT IS LIMITED CONTACT?
Limited contact is essentially the same thing as no contact. The same underlying
goals apply with it.

You are still trying to make your ex miss you and you are still trying to grow as an in-
dividual.

HOWEVER, due to external circumstances (your child) you are allowed to break your
no contact period to talk about that external circumstance (your child.)

Hence, that’s why we call this “limited contact.”

I’ll tell you what, I want to give you a test to determine the extent of your limited con-
tact knowledge.

Here’s how it’s going to work.

We are going to be dealing in hypothetical situations. So, I will give you a situation
and then I will answer if you are allowed to break no contact for it.

You ready?

The Test

• Your ex messages you about the incredible day they are having. (NO)

• Your ex messages you to ask why you are ignoring them. (NO)

• Billy, the child you share together, just got rushed to the hospital. (YES)

• You need to talk about who picks up Billy from school now on. (YES)

• Your ex has incredible news that they just have to share with you. (NO)

• Your ex is wonders why you didn’t wish them a “happy birthday.” (NO)

450
Do you kind of get the gist?

You are only allowed to talk about important things relating to your child.

Other than that the core strategy remains the same!

451
HOW TO GET So, I have some good news and some bad news?
YOUR EX BACK Which would you like first?
AFTER A LONG
TIME APART The bad news?

Getting an ex back in this situation is very difficult.

The good news?

It’s entirely possible if you utilize the following game

plan,

452
TEXTING RAPPORT
BUILDING
RAPPORT
BUILDING

ATTRACTION
TEXTING ATTRACTION
BUILDING BUILDING

PHONE SAME SAME

CALLS STRATEGY STRATEGY

IN SAME SAME
PERSON STRATEGY STRATEGY

453
The first thing that should pop out to you is the fact that the no contact rule, arguably
the biggest piece of our “get your ex back” puzzle has been taken away.

Why?

Well, it all goes back to what I was saying earlier in the book about “the habit rule.”

THE HABIT RULE

One of the biggest reasons that the no contact rule is so effective is due to the fact
that most people utilize it very close to their breakup.

You see, research has taught us that on average it takes a human 66 days to make
or break a new habit.

So, if your ex really wanted they could get out of the habit of thinking about you after
66 days.

Part of the reason for why the no contact rule works is that it is utilized within this 66
day time frame.

So, it allows the habit rule to work for it.

Of course, there are two sides to every coin and if you find yourself in a situation
where you have long exceeded this 66 day time frame the “habit rule” can actually
work against you.

In this particular section we are dealing with a situation that far exceeds the 66 day
time frame. We are looking at how to get an ex back after a year or more apart.

Therefore, the no contact rule loses a lot of it’s effectiveness.

So, what’s the best way to approach getting an ex back in this situation?

Well, treat it like you were just going to start a new relationship.

454
That means you want to spend extra time building rapport and re-establishing a con-
nection first.

JAB, JAB, JAB, RIGHT HOOK

What’s the first thing your ex is going to think after hearing from you after a year or
more apart?

“What the hell do they want?”

I like to use the analogy of door to door sales.

The other day, around 6 PM, I heard a knock on my door.

So, I ended up opening it up and I was greeted by a woman who wanted me to do-
nate to some cause.

The whole thing made me feel very uncomfortable since I hate it when people try to
ask for money without doing anything to earn it.

Suffice it to say... I declined to donate.

But what could she have done to make me donate?

Hmm... honestly I think there are a couple of things she could have done.

She could have built more rapport and added value to the conversation.

I am of the “jab, jab, jab, right hook” mindset.

It’s actually a sales strategy I picked up from this book.

The gist of the strategy goes like this,

You want to give people a bunch of free stuff or things of value.

And you want to do it a lot.

455
And then when they trust you or feel like you have something of value that can en-
rich their lives that’s when you “go for the kill” and ask for the sale.

Jab (give)

Jab (give)

Jab (give)

Right Hook (ask)

The same strategy can be applied to getting your ex back. However, instead of giv-
ing them free stuff you are going to build rapport.

So, in this case it’s,

Jab (rapport)

Jab (rapport)

Jab (rapport)

Right Hook (move up)

(By moving up I mean moving from rapport building to attraction building)

Once you have “moved up” the jab strategy is still applicable,

Jab (attraction)

Jab (attraction)

Jab (attraction)

Right Hook (phone calls)

You keep repeating this process until you get them back. It’s like a good boxing
match where you win.

456
457
WHAT IF MY EX IS No...
MARRIED? Just no...

Your not serious are you?

Oh, you are?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

458
IF YOU ARE Being in the friend zone sucks.
FRIEND ZONED There is no denying that.

However, what if I told you that I knew of a way that

you could increase your chances of getting out of the
friend zone with your ex?

Would you be interested in that?

Take a look,

459
 NO SAME SAME
CONTACT STRATEGY STRATEGY

SAME
TEXTING JEALOUSY
STRATEGY

PHONE JEALOUSY
SAME
CALLS STRATEGY

IN FRIEND SAME
PERSON ZONE THEM STRATEGY

460
The big add ons to the overall strategy here is more utilization of jealousy and utiliz-
ing the friend zone tactic.

Other than that the core strategy is exactly the same.

Let’s talk a bit about the “add ons”

JEALOUSY
A few months ago I ran a test where I took every success story that I had on file and
attempted to find any correlations that they shared with each other.

Guess what?

I found a few correlations AND I learned a few new things.

One of the new things I learned was just how powerful jealousy could be if it was util-
ized properly.

Now, I have always been a proponent of sprinkling some jealousy into many “get
your ex back” strategies but jealousy is one of those tactics that needs to be han-
dled with extreme care.

Sometimes I have seen it blow up in peoples faces when it wasn’t used properly. Of
course, those people weren’t friend zoned.

Being in the friend zone changes things.

In my mind, you have nothing to lose by using such an effective (yet dangerous) tac-
tic.

Let’s take a look at some of the most effective jealousy tactics that I have seen peo-
ple utilize when getting their exes back.

Jealousy Tactic #1: Facebook Jealousy

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(Disclaimer: This method will only work if you are still friends with your ex on Face-
book. If you are no longer friends with them then don’t try to friend them… yet.)

It’s amazing how big Facebook has gotten.

I can remember back when I was in high school no one was talking about Face-
book. All the rage was with MySpace.

Maybe that just shows how old I am... It is funny how quickly that changed though.

Anyways, I am going to give you the Facebook breakup jealousy rules now. I have
found that the rules that I am about to describe are the most effective at making your
ex a little jealous.

After the breakup get rid of 95% of the pictures with you and your ex. Pick out
maybe one or two that you really like and keep them up.

Why?

I can’t tell you how many people come up to me and ask about their exes reasoning
for keeping a few pictures of them up together.

It drives them crazy!

BUT this is just to confuse your ex.

It’s the next part where the jealousy really comes into play.

I want you to take lots of pictures of you having fun with friends. Friends of the oppo-
site sex.

After you have done that post those pictures to Facebook.

That’s it!

I know it sounds very simple but I can’t tell you how effective this tactic is at making
exes jealous.

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Jealousy Tactic #2: The Romantic Movie Text

The romantic movie jealousy text is something that I can’t take credit for. A guy
named Michael Fiore really came up with it and while I am not a huge fan of his stuff
I do think this is really clever.

Basically, you text your ex that you went to see a “romantic” movie with a friend (you
don’t specify if the friend is male or female.)

The fact that the words romantic and friend are placed so close together in the text
will make your ex wonder a little bit.

Jealousy Tactic #3: The “Was That You” Text

This is another text that I can’t take credit for.

Again, Mr. Fiore deserves all the credit.

Basically, in this text your are going to send your ex a message saying something
like “was that you at (place you frequent) last night.”

If you want to get really aggressive with it you can add in “if it was, you looked really
good ;)”

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Here’s how it will look,

FRIEND ZONE THEM

I know this may sound really weird but sometimes the best way to get out of the
friend zone is to give your ex a taste of their own medicine.

Deep down your ex is not stupid.

They know that you have feelings for them and you are going to use that to your ad-
vantage here.

What do people who have friend zoned you do once they have you in the friend
zone?

Well, for starters they walk all over you…

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They flat out tell you that they just want to be friends…

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They make you do ridiculous things for them…

Oh, and my personal favorite…

They make you get these awesome rings!

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Ok, all kidding aside your ex has given you a gift by friend zoning you.

(I am a glass half full kind of guy and try to turn negatives into positives so bear with
me here.)

What is the gift that they have given you?

They’ve given you a complete game plan for how to reverse friend zone them.

Seriously, just do exactly what they did to you, to them.

For example, lets pretend that you are moving into a new apartment and you need
help moving. Well, in that case the thing that you want to do is call up your ex and
ask them to help you move (just like they would call you up and ask you to help her
move.)

Assuming they say yes (which we will for this example) make them help you for
hours with the move.

After all the heavy lifting and work is done walk over to them and say this exact
phrase to her,

“Thank you so much (insert exes name) I couldn’t have done this without you. You
are a great FRIEND.”

Hell, if you want to be really courageous invite someone else to help the both of you.
Maybe you can create some jealousy.

Another popular way that you can reverse friend zone your ex is by talking to them
about your relationship troubles.

For example, talk to her about that cute girl or guy you saw on the job the other day
and how you are thinking of asking them out.

Ask your ex for advice on how to do that. You want your ex to feel like they aren’t a
top priority to you anymore.

One last thing before we move on.

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Friend zoning an ex isn’t going to be an overnight process. It is going to take time
and you are going to have to stick with it but if you do it correctly your ex is going to
be the one that where you are right now and you are going to be where they are.

Do you see how the roles completely reversed there?

Pretty cool, huh?

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WHAT IF YOU This is the ultimate nightmare scenario for women who
ARE PREGNANT? go through a breakup, being pregnant.
(WOMEN ONLY) You see, when most women go through a breakup
they go through the 5 emotional stages that accom-
pany that breakup,

Stage 1- “How in the world did this happen?”

Stage 2- ” There is no way that this is happening to

me..”

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Stage 3- ” LEAVE ME ALONE!!!”

Stage 4- ” How am I going to get him back?”

Stage 5- ” Can I survive without him?”

The stages seen above are normal for 99% of the women visiting this site.

But what about that 1%?

You know, the 1% that are going through a breakup AND pregnant?

I am going to admit that these cases are very rare but they do exist. Whats worse is
the fact that there isn’t really much good information out there on the internet teach-
ing women what to do if they find themselves in these rare circumstances. I plan on
changing that with this section.

First things first though, I need to make sure your priorities are right.

YOUR UNBORN CHILD VS. YOUR EX

Lets get something straight here, the most important thing in your life right now isn’t
your ex boyfriend, it’s your child.

The second you found out that you were about to become a mother the game com-
pletely changed. You see, before you were pregnant your ex boyfriend was probably
priority number one. You would have done anything for him.

How do I know that?

Well, you are pregnant with his child and you bought this book because despite him
leaving you, at arguably the most important time of your life, you still want him back.

However, now that you are going to be a mother your boyfriend just became priority
number two.

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Yes, I know this is a page designed to help you get your ex boyfriend back (and
don’t worry I am going to go above and beyond when it comes to that) but let me tell
you something about “the love of your life.”

A real man wouldn’t have left you during this fragile time in your life. A real man
would have stuck around for HIS child. A real man would have stepped up and
found a way to take care of you AND his child. Unfortunately for you though, your ex
boyfriend is not a real man.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand why you want him back. He is the father of your un-
born child and you want your family to be complete. Besides, it just doesn’t seem
complete without him in the picture, right?

I totally get that and I promise you that I am going to impart as much wisdom as I
possibly can on you to make sure you can achieve that goal. However, I want to ask
you a question first,

Is your ex boyfriend even worth the effort to try to get back?

I already know your answer is going to be a resounding YES. However, you are an-
swering from a place of extreme grief (your ex just left you) and I probably have a
much more logical view of the situation than you do.

I would say that there is a scenario I can see where he is worth the effort to get
back.

What is that scenario?

Only if he can add substantial value to you and your child’s life.

Now, if I were to tell you to pick out the most important word in that phrase what do
you think it would be?

If you guessed,

SUBSTANTIAL

Then you would be right.

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What do I mean when I say that in order for your ex to even be worth trying to get
back he has to add substantial value to you and your child’s life?

Let me give you an example.

Lets say that your ex has a really secure well paying job, a stable house and you
know for a fact that he has the ability to support you emotionally. Well, in this case
that would mean your ex can bring a lot to the table and would probably be worth
getting back.

Wait… But Does Me Wanting An Ex Boyfriend Back Because Of His Job Make Me A
Gold Digger?

If you wanted a man only because of his money then yes that does make you a gold
digger.

However, it actually makes me angry when men throw around the gold digger accu-
sation to women wanting money/help to support a child. The truth is that if a man
gets a woman pregnant he has an obligation to step up and help.

Call me old fashioned but I believe that once you and another human being create a
child together you can’t be selfish anymore. In fact, you have to become so selfless
that you’d be willing to do anything to make sure that, that child can have a happy
and healthy life.

Now, obviously you should want to get your ex boyfriend back for a lot more than
just his financial obligation. He is the father or your child and without him your family
is not complete. I know for a fact that you love him very much and I know that you
feel he can be there for you emotionally.

However, the main point of me writing this section was this.

If it comes down to it, your child is going to take top priority over your ex.

Never forget that.

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MY LIFE IS OVER MINDSET
In my experience there are two types of reactions men can have when they learn
they are going to be a father for the first time.

1. Some men will be extremely excited and dedicate the rest of their lives to making
sure that they can do everything in their power to create a stable environment for
their child.

2. The other portion of men adopt the, “My life is completely over” mindset.

Unfortunately, since you are on this page it seems that your ex adopted the “my life
is over” type of thinking.

So, what is this type of thinking and how does it apply to your relationship with your
boyfriend?

I am glad you asked.

What Is The “My Life Is Over” Mindset?

There is an interesting story to how I came up with the idea of this mindset. Around
three years ago a friend of mine had a pregnancy scare with his girlfriend. Now, at
the time I was extremely close to this friend so I was the first person he called to vent
to about the situation.

Him: “I don’t know what to do. She’s late and she’s never late.”

Me: “Give it some time. You told me there is still some time for her to have her period
right?”

Him: “Ya… but what if she doesn’t? My life will be over. I can’t go out and have fun
anymore…”

Thus, the “my life is over” mindset was born.

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Some men are frightened to death of having a child because they know that the sec-
ond that, that child comes into the world they can’t be that selfish anymore. They
know that they are going to have to dedicate time and energy to the child and that
threatens the freedom they have of running around and having fun.

Gone are the nights where they can stay out all night and get drunk with their
friends.

Gone are the nights where they can jump from girl to girl having one night stand af-
ter one night stand (though some pathetic guys still do this.)

My point is simple, in these men’s minds the life that they have grown accustomed to
living is over. Here is the most ironic part of the whole situation though. If your ex boy-
friend has adopted this “my life is over” mindset he isn’t thinking too clearly.

The truth is that his life isn’t over it is just going to change.

The only constant in life is change and adding a baby into the mix whether he is with
you or not is going to change his life. This is a fact that he will eventually accept but
it just may take some time before he has this epiphany.

One of my favorite examples to cite when it comes to this mindset came from an-
other friend of mine.

In fact, there is a really interesting story to this one as well.

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A REAL LIFE CASE STUDY OF A WOMAN
WHO GOT HER EX BACK WHILE BEING
PREGNANT

(Yes, apparantely Harry Potter got pregnant… and I think Ron or Malfoy is the fa-
ther…) ”

Believe it or not but the very first person who I helped get her ex boyfriend back was
a woman who was pregnant.

The woman was actually a friend I had met in college. She ended up meeting a guy,
falling in love and then he broke up with her which I am sure a lot of you can relate
to.

The major twist here happened when she found out she was pregnant with his child
literally a day after the breakup occurred. Of course, when she told her ex boyfriend
that he was the father he adopted the, “my life is over,” mindset and ran off to try to
preserve the life he had grown accustomed to.

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My friend, the woman, was obviously devastated. The man who she fell in love with
had rejected her, she had nowhere to go and on top of everything she was pregnant
and broke.

Now, I don’t know about you but that is a really bad situation to be in.

Of course, when all of this happened the two of us hadn’t really talked in months. So,
when I was goofing off on Facebook one day I was surprised to receive a personal
message from her. We got to talking and she filled me in on everything that had
been going on in her life.

She told me about how she fell in love, how he broke up with her, how she was now
pregnant with his child and how she was still deeply in love with him.

The whole story made me feel bad to be honest and I kind of wanted to help her out.

So, at first I provided some support by listening to her situation and offering helpful
tidbits of information here and there which she would sometimes take. However,
eventually things had gotten so bad between her and her ex boyfriend that it didn’t
seem like anything would work.

That’s when I decided I was going to do some research on how most people typi-
cally approach a situation where they are trying to get their ex boyfriends back.
Through my research I learned a lot about male psychology, how to properly build
attraction and the importance of timing.

However, I would have to say that the most useful piece of advice I learned was the
no contact rule.

It was the first time I had ever heard of something where you essentially cut some-
one out for a certain period of time in order to make them realize how important they
are to you. So, I suggested that my friend should try this on her ex. Of course, some
modifications had to be made to a strict NC since she was pregnant and he had
every right to know what was going on with his child.

So, the way she approached the situation was simple.

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Any time where there was a checkup or any other important information regarding
the baby she would be allowed to message or talk to him on the phone. Other than
that however, she was strict about her NC and didn’t break it.

At first, it didn’t seem like it was working too well because she missed him more than
she had ever missed anyone in her life before. However, slowly but surely the no con-
tact rule began to work its magic as he started getting antsy and wondering why she
wasn’t begging for him back anymore.

Perhaps I should hit the pause button and explain the timing of how this all went
down.

My friend didn’t get into contact with me until she was already a month pregnant.
Four months after she had got into contact with me I simply listened to her vent and
provided the necessary,

“It’s going to be ok’s.”

and

“It’s all going to work out in the end’s.”

as I could to her.

Around the start of month six of her pregnancy I decided to suggest that she try out
the no contact rule and she complied.

She did NC (in the way I described above) for about a month and a half before it
fully worked and her ex wanted her back. Yes, about midway through month seven
of her pregnancy her ex boyfriend accompanied her to a checkup for the baby and
they got back together the very next day.

I guess the question you are wondering is why?

What was it that she did that made him want to get back with her?

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WHY HE WENT BACK TO HER
I believe there are a number of reasons that he went back to her.

I already taught you about the “my life is over” mindset and her ex definitely had
some of that. Rather than accepting that his life was about to change he decided to
run away from this fact and try to preserve the lifestyle he was so used to living. Of
course, seven months after my friend told him the big news that she was pregnant
he had some time to let reality set in and he began to realize that running away from
his unborn child is not the right way to do things.

I have always found it interesting that men who get this MLIO (my life is over) mind-
set tend to have their hearts in the right place.

Now, that doesn’t excuse them for their pathetic actions of bailing but on some sub-
conscious level they know that the second that, that child enters the world they are
going to have to step up and act like a man. They know that they can’t be selfish any-
more but rather selfless.

The idea that their life is over stems from this fact.

Of course, some men don’t come to this realization right away and that is where the
no contact rule comes in, especially in this case.

What were some of the rules that my friend implemented when she was pregnant
when it came to the no contact rule?

Well, she obviously wouldn’t contact him. However, when she went in for a checkup
she felt he was entitled to know what was going on with his child so she would break
NC then. Of course, she was short with him in those instances and any time he
would try to steer the conversation to a topic other than their child she simply
wouldn’t respond.

This was a massive 180 from the beginning of their breakup when she practically
begged for him back and who can blame her?

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She just found out she was pregnant. She had never felt more alone in her life and
she was in love with him.

Her ex was just like most men in that he loved admiration. Any time she would beg
for him back or plead for him to reconsider he kind of liked it. It made him feel
wanted. It made him feel like he was powerful since he had a girl wanting him on
this deep level.

Of course, when you fast forward seven months later the dynamic had changed
when she blocked him out.

For the longest time he was used to her begging, used to her trying to reason with
him and then all of a sudden it all stopped. The begging stopped, the reconsidera-
tion requests stopped, it all just stopped. He no longer felt wanted. He no longer felt
needed.

This singular act of the no contact rule served as a wake up call for him that made
him realize what a mistake he had made in leaving her and his child in the first
place.

THE GAME PLAN

We are going to take a page out of my friends book in how she got her ex back
when we look at how to get yours back. Of course, it has been years since my
friends situation unfolded and I am a bit more crafty now when it comes to exes so I
have new insight and advice for you to implement on top of what she did.

Here’s a brief overview of what you should do,

• Modified NC

• Building Attraction

• Inviting To Checkups

As always, I am going to be covering each of these steps in-depth.

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THE NO CONTACT DURING
PREGNANCY
Breakups tend to put people in a place where they feel highly emotional. Of course,
pregnancy seems to do that to women too. So, when you couple the two together
you are probably going to experience emotional pain like no other. This emotional
pain is going to make doing the no contact rule extremely challenging.

Why?

I would say that a good 80% of women who visit this site and attempt the no contact
rule end up failing it. Well, those 80% of women aren’t pregnant. So, if they are hav-
ing such a rough time with no contact how do you think you are going to fare when
you add in things like pregnancy hormones?

What I am about to say now is probably the most important piece of information you
will find on this page.

Under no circumstances can you stray from NC in this case.

Why?

Because NC on a man who has left you while you are pregnant seems to have an in-
creased effect since he is going to assume that you are going to beg for him back.

Of course, we are going to have to modify the no contact rule a little bit since you
are pregnant and your ex does have a right to know what is going on.

Modification 1- If He Asks Anything About The Baby

I am going to leave this one up to you.

If you are in the middle of the no contact rule and he asks you something about the
baby you are allowed to respond and talk to him about his inquiry. Of course, I do
want to point out that if he shifts the focus to anything other than your child you are
not to respond to him.

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If I was in your position though the only time I would talk to him about the baby is if I
were to volunteer the information myself.

Look, the thing to remember here is that these rules only apply for the time during
the NC rule. After the NC rule you can go back to normal.

Modification 2- Volunteering Information On Checkups

As I am sure you have noticed one of the major sections on this page has to do with
how to handle the checkups you get when you are pregnant. Well, during the NC
rule you aren’t supposed to invite him to the checkups. Rather you are supposed to
go to the checkup yourself and then volunteer the information to him after the fact.

Why?

Because this paints you in an independent light and should make him realize what
he is missing out on.

Will it make him angry?

Probably.

But you know what?

He has no right to be angry when he is the one who left. This is what he misses out
on when he leaves so make sure you make him realize that.

BUILDING ATTRACTION
Go back and read the sections earlier in this book on how to do that.

Nuff said!

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THE INVITATION TO PREGNANCY
CHECKUPS
One of the smartest things that I feel my friend did when she was trying to get her ex
boyfriend back was the fact that she would invite him to her checkups.

I actually remember she would tell me how excited she was to see him during these
checkups. She even compared it to a date once.

Now, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but one of the biggest advantages
to being pregnant and trying to get your ex boyfriend back is that you can use these
checkups as a way to get him on your own version of a mini date. I know that
sounds a little weird but hear me out.

When you go on a date with someone the main objective is to get that person to feel
a connection with you. Generally speaking if you don’t feel a connection with that
person you aren’t going to go on another date with that person. Now, let me ask you
something.

What can make two human beings more connected than going to checkup and
checking on a baby that is essentially made from them?

I dare you to find an activity that can match the level of connection that something
like that can.

What you want to be doing is using these checkups as a way to slowly advance
things and take advantage of your opportunities.

A Final Word

I don’t want to end on a bummer but I feel this is important to mention.

It’s not out of the realm of possibility that even if you do everything right, if you hit all
the right emotional buttons within your ex you still may not get him back. This is an-
other human being we are talking about here and as much as you may wish you had
the ability to mind control him you can’t.

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I don’t want this to discourage you and let you think that your dating life is over for-
ever, it’s not.

The truth of the matter is that a man who leaves you during a time when you are
pregnant is pathetic. No excuse can be made for that.

I know it sounds cliche but there are men out there who would be more than happy
to have a beautiful woman with a child. So, if your ex can’t see you for the incredible
person that you are then you can find a man who knows your value and who will
treat you right.

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