E-MAIL

WEAKNESSES:

 This E-mail does not have a proper subject.

 There is no greeting through which we can identify to whom the sender is addressed.
 It does not have any complimentary closure.
 The sender’s complete personal information is not given due to which the receiver? find it
difficult to contact with him.
 The sender has used the slang.
 The sender has not made bullet points to deliver the information. If the information is given in
bullet points then it seems to be more meaningful and prominent.
 Poor subject lines are used i.e. HELP!
 There is no action language is used that tends the receiver to act upon the message.

OUTLINE A WRITING PLAN:

Subject line: Request to arrange a best training session

Opening: Asking him to help you in arranging the training session.

Body: Discuss all the details regarding the Training Conference clearly.

Closing: Telling him to share and ask his queries with you and give him the deadline also.
 IMPROVED E-MAIL
To: Greta Targa <greta.targa@gamma.com.>

From: Jim Morales <jim.morales@gamma.com>

Subject: Request to make Best Training Session

Cc:

Greta,

As you know, we have been working hard to plan a Gamma Fall Training Conference. It will be
held in Miami.

I have lined up the speakers for training session. On Tuesday, November 12, is Nicole Gold. Her
scheduled topic is ‘Using E-mail and IM Effectively’. Anthony Mills said that he could speak to
our group on November 13, Wednesday and his topic is ‘Learning Groups and Teams’. Their E-
mail addresses are: tony.mills@sunbelt.net.and n.gold@etc.com.

You can help us to make this one of the best training sessions ever. Please send each of them an
E-mail and confirm the dates and topics. We must print the program soon by September 1. Call if
you have any query.

Jim

Conference Session, Manager

1770 Hawthorn place

4500 Water Street, Suite

E-mail: conference.meeting@suite.com

Cell: 0300-1234567