Your Best One 01.05.19 CAP REP FINAL

Your Best One
By Meridith Friedman
Representation:
Max Grossman
Abrams Artists Agency
275 Seventh Ave, 26TH floor
meridithfriedman@gmail.com New York, NY 10001
808.741.9126 646.461.9372
01.06.19 Cap Rep Final Production Draft
Characters
Richard – mid-late 50’s. Not a cold man, but his default is not a smile. Naturally magnetic.
He’s never had to make much of an effort. These days he’s making more of an effort.
Logical. Problems are to be solved. Dry sarcasm. Age is softening him.
David – early 40’s. Richard’s ex-partner. A recovering enabler. A recent convert to cynicism,
after decades of earnest. Trying to take care of everyone was his downfall, but it’s still his
first inclination.
Oscar – late 80’s. Richard and Laura’s father. Physical ailments have destroyed his body. Still,
he manages to be imposing. Most often found complaining. But, like Richard, age has
softened him…a bit.
Laura – late 40’s. Richard’s sister and Oscar’s daughter. Refreshingly, or maddeningly,
unfiltered…depends who is on the receiving end. The last one to leave the party.
Josh – early-mid teens. David’s adopted son. Precocious and confident. Sees through bullshit
and calls it quickly. He’s not a brat. But he is the center of the universe.
Time & Place
Early-mid 2010s. California and Hong Kong.
Primary locations: David’s kitchen, the living room of Oscar’s apartment and a hospital
room. All other spaces should be suggested with minimal set.
Author’s Note
YOUR BEST ONE is the second play in a trilogy commissioned by Curious Theatre
Company in Denver, CO. While the play is meant to stand on its own, it will be helpful for
anyone working on the play to read the first play in the trilogy, THE LUCKIEST PEOPLE,
which takes place eight-years prior. THE LUCKIEST PEOPLE can be obtained by
contacting the playwright or her representation (contact information on cover page).
Oscar can have a New York accent, but doesn’t have to. Laura and Richard do not have
accents. While David’s illness certainly informs his performance, don’t let his illness become
the performance.
Richard and David love each other. They never stopped loving each other. There’s a lot of
hurt, and anger, and resentment between them, but underneath all that: love.
Whenever there is an opportunity in the text to choose lightness or levity, take it. Play
against heaviness, not into it. Be buoyant.
1

1.
Late afternoon. A modest, two story

bungalow-style home. The kitchen. Cheerful
with homey touches. Older appliances. Lived-
in. DAVID futzes with a coffee pot and
mugs. He looks thin and tired in a pair of
jeans and a baggy shirt. RICHARD, in slacks
and a button-down, stands by, ill-at-ease in
the space.
Silence. DAVID stares at RICHARD.

DAVID opens his mouth to say something –
stops. Then:
DAVID
You’re standing in my kitchen.
Long beat.
RICHARD
(duh)
…yes.
(beat)
I should have given you more of a heads up–
DAVID
No, I didn’t mean it like it’s a bad thing. I’m just processing…you. Standing in my kitchen.
(beat; pointing to the mug)
Do you still take it black?
RICHARD
(nodding)
Please.
DAVID
What’s the conference, again?
RICHARD
The West Coast Association of Inter–
DAVID
Of Internal Medicine, right.
RICHARD
Your place is nice–
2

DAVID
How did you know I live here? I’m just curious–
RICHARD
I had heard you moved–
DAVID
From whom?
RICHARD
What?
DAVID
Who told you that I moved–
RICHARD
(a little sheepish)
Oh. Ah…Facebook.
DAVID
You’re not on Facebook.
RICHARD
How do you know I’m not on–
DAVID
I’ve checked.
Beat.
RICHARD
Laura.
DAVID
Laura?
RICHARD
Laura is on Facebook. I guess you guys are “friends” or something? Is that how it works?
DAVID
(smiling)
Yes, grandpa, that’s how it works.
3

RICHARD
Anyway, she told me that you moved.
(pause)
Sorry she did that.
DAVID
Told you that I moved?
RICHARD
No. Made you be her friend.
DAVID
She didn’t make me. She sent me a request.
RICHARD
She shouldn’t have.
DAVID
Why?
RICHARD
It’s been 8 years. You shouldn’t still be dealing with my needy sister–
DAVID
She’s not stalking me, Richard.
RICHARD
Well, if it’s annoying–
DAVID
It’s not.
(beat)
When did she move to Hong Kong?
RICHARD
A couple years ago. Laura’s firm closed their office in Shanghai. Transferred everyone to the
Hong Kong office.
DAVID
How’s Henry?
RICHARD
Not married to Laura. Anymore.
4

DAVID
Yeah…I sort of wondered. There’s no trace of Henry anywhere on her page. She removed
every photo of him.
RICHARD
Sounds like my sister. Dramatic.
DAVID
Nah, it’s pretty standard social media protocol after a split. Erase all evidence that the
relationship ever existed.
DAVID and RICHARD regard each other.
Beat.
DAVID (cont’d)
How’s your father?
RICHARD
Complaining. Most of the time.
DAVID
(smiling)
Glad to hear he hasn’t changed. Please give Oscar my best?
RICHARD
I will.
(beat)
He always asks about you, by the way.
DAVID
Really? I haven’t been…
RICHARD
What?
Beat.
DAVID
Replaced?
RICHARD
Oh. No.
DAVID
So you’re not…?
5

RICHARD
Not right now, no.
DAVID
(feigning nonchalance)
But you were?
RICHARD
I mean, sure, yes, there’ve been…
DAVID
Right, of course there’ve been…
(pause)
Anyone serious?
RICHARD
No.
(beat)
What?
DAVID
(sheepish)
I saw some pictures. You and…Paul, I think? When you guys went to see Laura in Hong
Kong he tagged her in the pictures, so–
RICHARD
I thought this was a social networking site?
DAVID
Yeah, it is.
RICHARD
This sounds more like espionage.
DAVID
Well…yeah, it’s that, too.
RICHARD
We’re not together anymore. Me and Paul.
6

DAVID
Oh.
(beat)
He looked handsome. Paul.
(pause)
And young.
(quickly)
That wasn’t a dig.
RICHARD
(yeah, right)
No, of course not.
DAVID makes a tiny space between his

thumb and index finger.
DAVID
A tiny dig.
RICHARD
You know, you were also younger than me. Still are, I’m assuming?
DAVID
Yeah, but not thirty years–
RICHARD
Paul is not thirty years younger–
DAVID
How many years?
RICHARD
(suppressing a smile)
Twenty…four.
DAVID
Ooook, well then. I stand corrected.
Beat.
RICHARD
(good natured)
I know it’s been a while, but jeeze…
DAVID
What?
7

RICHARD
When did you become such a smart ass?
DAVID
Comes with the territory.
RICHARD
Oh yeah? What territory is that?
DAVID
Parenting a teenager.
An uncomfortable silence. Richard

proceeds…carefully. He’s on precarious
ground and he knows it.
RICHARD
I didn’t realize he was already…how old is he?
DAVID
Almost 15.
RICHARD
Right. That makes sense. Cause he was what…seven when…?
DAVID
Seven. Yeah.
Beat.
RICHARD
I was really glad when I heard that it worked out. With Joshua.
DAVID
Josh.
RICHARD
Josh? I remember he was Joshua in the…in his file.
DAVID
He’s Joshua when he’s in trouble. He was Joshy up until about 11. Then he became Josh.
And now he’s…
(long “O”)
Yosh. That’s what his friends call him.
8

RICHARD
Why Yosh?
DAVID
No clue.
(beat; pointed)
It almost didn’t, by the way.
RICHARD
Huh?
DAVID
It almost didn’t work out with Josh. I knew it was going to be a tough sell–single man
adopting alone–but turns out what they really don’t like is last minute changes.
RICHARD
I didn’t know that it almost didn’t–
DAVID
(an edge)
How would you?
RICHARD
(resentment back)
Good point. You never returned any of my calls.
Beat. DAVID grabs the coffee pot.
DAVID
Refill?
RICHARD
Sure.
Beat. As DAVID refills RICHARD’s mug:
RICHARD (cont’d)
You look tired, David–
DAVID
Well, thank you–
RICHARD
I didn’t mean it–
9

DAVID
It’s fine. I am. Tired.
Long beat. DAVID looks like he might say

something. But he doesn’t. So:
RICHARD
Ok, so feel free to tell me to mind my own business or, better yet, tell me to tell Laura to
mind her own business–
DAVID
Alright…
RICHARD
But she mentioned that she saw…
(pause)
I guess your brother wrote something on Facebook and somehow it ended up on
your…sorry, the lingo escapes me–
DAVID
My wall. But I made him take that down. It was up for like 15 minutes. Tops.
RICHARD
Yeah, I think Laura spends a lot of time on Facebook. All her time, really. It was banned in
Shanghai, so now she’s going a bit nuts with it.
DAVID
She does post a lot of cat memes.
Beat.
RICHARD
So why was your brother asking his church…
DAVID
To pray for me?
RICHARD
(expectant)
It’s prostate cancer, isn’t it?
DAVID
No, actually. You’d think, right? With my family history. Good news is that my prostate is
clean as a whistle. Is that a thing? Can your prostate be clean as a whistle?
10

RICHARD
No.
DAVID
Ok, well, my prostate is fine. Clear. Normal. Cancer free. My pancreas? Not so much.
Gut-punched, RICHARD quickly looks away.
DAVID (cont’d)
You tell someone you have cancer and they’re so reassuring. Weirdly upbeat. “Ooooh, I just
read about this parsley and beet juice cleanse! It cures cancer. I’ll send you the article.” But
then you tell them it’s pancreatic cancer and…
DAVID gestures at RICHARD.
DAVID (cont’d)
(tight smile)
Different reaction.
RICHARD
(pulling himself together)
You’re too young.
DAVID
I’m too young-ish.
RICHARD
It’s probably the only cancer that doesn’t run in your family.
DAVID
If my father were still alive, he’d say, “David. Always has to stand out.” Or, I don’t know. If
my father were still alive, I’m not sure we’d be speaking.
RICHARD
Where is the tumor?
DAVID
(deadpan)
My pancreas.
RICHARD
(impatient)
I know, but where in your–
DAVID
I’m kidding. Sorry. The head of my pancreas.
11

RICHARD
Has it metastasized? Has it spread to the lymph nodes–
DAVID
No. At least not in detectable amounts?
RICHARD
That’s good. That’s rare. They must have caught it early. If it hasn’t spread beyond the
pancreas it could be resectable–
DAVID
Borderline resectable. Possibly resectable. That’s what the surgeon I met with said.
RICHARD
Have you had a second opinion?
DAVID
I’m setting that up–
RICHARD
Don’t. I want you to meet with the head of surgical oncology at UCLA. His name is Charles
Delp. He trained at Johns Hopkins–probably the best center in the country for–
DAVID
For pancreatic cancer–yeah, I know. I looked into him, but he’s out-of-network–
RICHARD
I can get you in to see Delp. I know him–
DAVID
That’s a really generous offer, but I don’t–
The SOUND of the front door OPENING.
JOSH (off stage)

(yelling)
Dad! I’m home!
DAVID
Shit. What time is–
RICHARD
(standing up)
I can go?
DAVID
I haven’t told him.
12

RICHARD
About me?
DAVID
That I’m sick.
JOSH appears in the kitchen, wearing a

backpack. He makes a beeline to the fridge.
DAVID
What are you doing home? I thought you had rehearsal till 6?
JOSH
They weren’t rehearsing any of my scenes so Mrs. Kilroy said I could leave early.
(noticing RICHARD)
Yo.
RICHARD
(looking at DAVID)
Hi there…
DAVID
Josh, this is Richard Hoffman. He’s an old friend of mine. He’s in town for a medical
conference.
JOSH
Can I call you Dick?
DAVID
Joshua!
JOSH
What? That’s a nickname for Richard.
DAVID
You can call him Dr. Hoffman.
JOSH
What kind of a doctor are you?
RICHARD
I’m an internist.
JOSH
Do you ever do surgery?
13

RICHARD
No.
JOSH
Do you work in the ER?
RICHARD
No.
JOSH
Have you ever popped a bone back into place?
RICHARD
I’m trained to do so, but I’ve never had to–are you interested in med school or
something…?
JOSH
No. But I want to play a doctor on TV.
DAVID
Josh is a thespian. He’s in a play right now.
JOSH
It’s called Methane.
RICHARD
I’ve never heard of it. But I don’t see a lot of theatre.
(beat; off David’s look)
Any theatre. I don’t see any theatre.
JOSH
Even if you did, you wouldn’t have seen this. It’s a devised play.
RICHARD
What is that? A devised play?
JOSH
A really bad play.
DAVID
It is not bad!
(to RICHARD)
I sat in on their rehearsal last week. It was very powerful. The students wrote the whole
show themselves. From interviews and research. It’s about global warming. And they even
wrote raps.
14

JOSH
Doesn’t that sound like the worst thing ever? Teenagers rapping about greenhouse gasses?
JOSH and DAVID look at RICHARD.
RICHARD
(beat, to DAVID)
I’m sorry, but that does sound excruciating.
JOSH
Yes! Thank you! I wanted to adapt the movie “Goodfellas” into a stage play but Mrs. Kilroy
said it was too violent.
JOSH imitates Joe Pesci, waving an imaginary

gun in the air.
JOSH (cont’d)
Oklahoma Kid. That's me. I'm the Oklahoma Kid. You fuckin' varmint! Dance. Dance YAHOO, YA
MOTHERFUCKER!
DAVID
Joshua.
RICHARD
Now that’s a great movie.
JOSH
(to RICHARD)
You wanna watch it? Stay for dinner. It’s make-your-own-taco-bar night–
DAVID
Richard has other plans–
JOSH
What are your plans?
Beat.
RICHARD
There’s a lecture over dinner–
JOSH
A lecture? Over dinner? That sounds excruciating. Blow it off. My dad’s taco sauce is scary
good. Hey, can you show me how to do stitches on an orange?
15

RICHARD
It’s called suturing–
JOSH
Yeah, can you show me how to suture an orange?
Beat. RICHARD looks at DAVID.
RICHARD DAVID
Ah sure, ok… Richard doesn’t have time, Josh–
RICHARD
David’s right–your Dad’s right. I should get going.
RICHARD stands.
JOSH
What if someone decides to make a TV show about a teenage doctor? I have to be ready.
DAVID
They already did that.
JOSH
They might remake it! You never know.
(to RICHARD)
Think how terrible you’d feel if I lost the role because my suturing looked fake. You wouldn’t
be able to live with yourself–
DAVID
It’ll be hard, but I think he’ll survive. Say goodbye Josh.
JOSH
Goodbye Josh.
JOSH leaves the kitchen. Beat.
RICHARD
He’s very…spirited.
DAVID
(defensive)
He’s a great kid–
RICHARD
I wasn’t suggesting otherwise–
16

DAVID
He was just showing off–
RICHARD
He’s got hutzpah. As my father would say.
Beat.
DAVID
Please give Oscar–
RICHARD
Your best. I will.
Beat.
DAVID
I don’t want to keep you from your lecture–
RICHARD
Right, no, I should go.
RICHARD grabs his jacket and starts to leave

the kitchen.
RICHARD (cont’d)
Thanks for the coffee. I’ll check Delp’s availability–
DAVID
Ok, but don’t…
RICHARD
What?
DAVID
Go out of your way.
RICHARD
You don’t want me to ask him?
DAVID
No, I do, but–
RICHARD
Great. I’ll get you an appointment for next week–
17

DAVID
Richard.
RICHARD
What?
Beat.
DAVID
Give me a minute here, ok? You show up out of the blue, after eight years–
RICHARD
I’m sorry–
DAVID
No, don’t be sorry. I wasn’t…
(pause)
It’s good to see you.
RICHARD wasn’t expecting that.
RICHARD
You too. It’s good to see you, too.
DAVID
I was thinking about…as soon as I found out that I …I thought about calling you.
(beat)
I wanted to call you.
RICHARD
Really?
DAVID
Yeah.
(beat)
But then I decided not to. Anyway…
RICHARD
Yeah, I should…
RICHARD moves in for a hug but gets cold

feet–he pats DAVID on the shoulder and
leaves.
Left alone in the kitchen, DAVID exhales

loudly. He looks like he might cry.
18

He looks happy. All of it. A beat. Then he

begins to prepare dinner.
19

2.
A few days later. An apartment at an assisted

living facility. The living room. There is a
couch in the center of the room, facing a large
television. Adjacent to the couch is an
oversized recliner. A small table sits in front
of a wall that separates the kitchen from the
living room.
RICHARD sits on the couch. He is on his

cell phone. Lights up on LAURA in her law
office in Hong Kong.
Silence.
RICHARD
Are you still there?
LAURA
Yeah, sorry. Wow. Ugh. Ugh.
(pause)
That’s a really bad cancer, isn’t it?
Beat.
RICHARD
Well, none of them are good, Laura…
LAURA
How did he look?
RICHARD
Are you on speaker? You keep going in and out.
LAURA
Yeah. I don’t put my phone next to my head anymore. I don’t want to get a brain tumor.
RICHARD
That won’t give you a brain–
LAURA
So how did David look? Is he bald?
20

RICHARD
No. He hasn’t started treatment, yet. He was just diagnosed. And you don’t always lose your
hair, anyway.
LAURA
I read this book about a woman who had terminal breast cancer. She cured herself through a
superfood diet.
RICHARD
Superfood?
LAURA
Almonds. Kale. Goji berries–
RICHARD
What makes them super?
LAURA
They’re just really good for you. They’re filled with antioxidants and vitamins–
RICHARD
So she ate almonds and berries and…poof! Her cancer was gone?
LAURA
I mean, well, she also had chemo. And a double-mastectomy–
RICHARD
So maybe that cured her cancer? And the superfoods just helped her sell books?
LAURA
Why are doctors such downers? You guys always have the most cynical outlook.
RICHARD
Says the atheist Jew.
LAURA
I’m actually considering converting to Taoism. I decided that I want my religion to match
my exercise regime.
RICHARD
Are you doing yoga now?
LAURA
No. That’s Hinduism. I think? I’m doing Tai Chi in the park.
21

RICHARD
You are such a Western cliché.
LAURA
My doctor suggested it. For stress management.
RICHARD
A certified psychiatrist prescribed you Tai Chi?
LAURA
Yes.
(beat)
And Valium.
RICHARD
What do you have to be stressed about? You spend half your life on Facebook.
LAURA
Henry is leaving Hong Kong and moving back to Shanghai.
RICHARD
Why is that stressful? You hate Henry.
LAURA
He wants to take our son with him. Over my dead body.
RICHARD
Oh, shit. Is Henry taking you to court?
LAURA
Threatening. He’s claiming that he has to go back to take care of his mom. They just passed
this ridiculous law on the mainland. You can actually go to jail, or have to pay a fine, if you
don’t visit your elderly parents enough.
RICHARD
This is a legitimate, enforceable law?
LAURA
Who knows? But there is no way I’m letting Henry take Matt with him. You know the real
reason I think he wants to go back to Shanghai? Tessa Chen. She was a mom at Matt’s
school. Just like me – expat who married a Chinese guy. Leave it to Henry to be completely
predictable and unoriginal. Anyway, Tessa and her husband got divorced earlier this year. I’ll
bet you anything Henry wants to tap that.
RICHARD
Oh, Laura.
22

LAURA
What?
RICHARD
You’re too old to say tap that.
LAURA
No, you’re too old to say tap that. I can say it. You know I used to catch Henry checking out
Tessa at school events?
RICHARD chuckles.
RICHARD
You’re one to talk.
LAURA
What does that mean?
RICHARD
Nothing. It’s just…I seem to recall someone else in that marriage with a wondering eye–
LAURA
(not going there)
So what was it like? Seeing David again. Did you meet the kid?
RICHARD
Yeah. He isn’t a kid. He’s a teenager now.
LAURA
That must have been a trip.
RICHARD
What do you mean?
LAURA
I mean…he was almost your son.
RICHARD
That’s like saying the strawberries I didn’t buy at the grocery store were almost my
strawberries.
LAURA
No, it’s more like saying the strawberries that you spent months contemplating, and filled
out a shit-ton of paperwork to purchase, and had people come to your home to make sure it
was a suitable environment for strawberries…were almost your strawberries.
23

RICHARD
Bottom line is I didn’t buy the strawberries so they were never mine. David purchased the
strawberries. Alone. So they are his strawberries. End of story.
OSCAR (off stage)

Terri? Terri, are you there?
RICHARD
(coving the mouthpiece)
Hey pop, I’ll be right there.
(into the phone)
Pop just woke up.
LAURA
Have you told him, yet? That he’s getting the boot?
RICHARD
He’s not getting the boot, Laura. They just suggested it might be time to start considering
other options–
OSCAR (off stage)

Richard?
RICHARD
Do you want to talk to him?
LAURA
(no)
Um…sure.
RICHARD
Hold on a sec.
RICHARD places the phone on the table and

heads into the bedroom. LAURA hops on
her computer as she waits.
OSCAR (off stage)

How long was I sleeping?
RICHARD (off stage)

About an hour or so.
The sound of RICHARD helping

OSCAR to his feet.
24

OSCAR shuffles into the living room, pushing

a walker. He is quite bent over–almost
perpendicular to the floor. His can barely see.
RICHARD follows behind him. OSCAR falls
back into his recliner with a hard thud.
RICHARD
Do you want some dinner?
(as OSCAR starts to protest)
The waiter you hate isn’t there today. I checked.
OSCAR
It’s “fish and chips” for dinner. They take a bag of frozen fish sticks and barely defrost
them.
RICHARD
I’ll see what you’ve got here. Laura’s on the phone.
LAURA
Hi, pop.
OSCAR
(looking around)
Where’s the phone?
RICHARD hands the phone to OSCAR, and

exits into the kitchen.
OSCAR
(putting the phone to his ear)
Laura? Are you there?
LAURA
Yeah, I just said hello. How are you?
Richard calls from the kitchen:
RICHARD (cont’d)
Looks like Terri made pastrami and roast beef sandwiches.
OSCAR
I’ll take pastrami. She left early today, by the way.
LAURA
(confused)
What? Who?
25

OSCAR
Shhhh.
RICHARD
(calling from the kitchen)
I know, pop. Terri told us she had to leave early today. It’s her daughter’s birthday.
Remember?
OSCAR
Just make sure we don’t pay her for those hours.
LAURA
Pay who? What are you talking about?
OSCAR
(irritated)
Be quiet for a second! I’m talking to your brother.
(to Richard)
Did you hear me? You better not pay her for those hours!
LAURA acts like someone just walked into

her office.
LAURA
(to the imaginary person)
What’s that? Now? Ok, I’ll be right there.
(into the phone)
Pop, I’m being called into a meeting. Gotta go! Love you, bye.
LAURA abruptly hangs up, the light on her

office fading….
As OSCAR brings the phone close to his face,

looking for the OFF button, RICHARD
enters with a sandwich on a plate.
RICHARD
What happened to Laura?
OSCAR
She had to go.
Taking the phone from OSCAR, RICHARD

places a small tray over OSCAR’s lap.
26

He hands OSCAR a napkin, which Oscar

sticks into the collar of his shirt. OSCAR
starts eating. Silence.
OSCAR
Maybe that’s why he couldn’t do dairy.
RICHARD
Who? What are you talking about?
OSCAR
David. Maybe there’s some link between the cancer and his lactose thing.
RICHARD
It’s not a lactose thing. He’s lactose intolerant.
OSCAR
But maybe the cancer caused it. Or vice versa.
RICHARD
He’s been lactose intolerant for decades. Since he was a kid.
OSCAR
I bet there’s a connection.
RICHARD
You and Laura should start your own medical practice. Hoffman and Daughter: two lawyers
giving uninformed medical advice.
OSCAR
You remember Stewy Bender?
(off RICHARD’s head shake)
He and his wife Judy were in the temple? You went to their daughter’s bat mitzvah?
RICHARD
Yeah, I don’t remember them.
OSCAR
He got pancreatic cancer when he was 47. He was dead in less than a year.
RICHARD
Uplifting story, pop.
OSCAR
But that was almost 40 years ago. I’m sure the treatment is better now. And David’s far
younger than Stewy was.
27

RICHARD
David’s 43.
OSCAR
Really? I thought he was younger.
RICHARD
No.
OSCAR
I could have sworn he was younger.
RICHARD
Well…he was younger last time you saw him. Which was eight years ago. So now he’s older.
(deadpan)
That’s how time works.
OSCAR
If you say so…
OSCAR goes back to his sandwich.
RICHARD
(casually)
Pop, I met with a contractor last week…
OSCAR
You putting in a pool or something?
RICHARD
No, I was getting a quote. To redo the guestroom and downstairs bathroom at my place.
And install a chair lift on the outside steps. So when you come over–
OSCAR
Don’t bother with all that. I hardly ever come over–
RICHARD
If it didn’t take two people to get you inside, you could come over more often.
OSCAR
And do what? Go surfing?
RICHARD
Wouldn’t you feel better at night, more secure, if you knew someone was there–
OSCAR
To chase off the bogeyman?
28

RICHARD
To help you if you need to go to the bathroom. Remember what happened last time.
OSCAR
I told them not to call the doctor–
RICHARD
They have to call an ambulance if there is any sign of head trauma. Otherwise, it’s a huge
potential liability–
OSCAR
It was a bump! I shouldn’t have even rung the buzzer.
RICHARD
Pop, it may not be feasible to stay here in the long–
OSCAR
Are they giving me the boot?!
RICHARD
No-
OSCAR
I’ve always paid my rent on time–
RICHARD
No one is kicking you out.
OSCAR
It’s the new director, isn’t it? He doesn’t like Jews.
RICHARD
Half the people living here are Jewish!
OSCAR
I overheard him making an anti-Semitic joke.
RICHARD
What was the joke?
Long beat.
OSCAR
I don’t remember. But I do remember that it was anti-Semitic.
29

RICHARD
I thought you’d be thrilled. All you do is complain.
OSCAR
I’m not complaining. I’m just offering my observations. If you don’t want to hear them, I’ll
keep them to myself.
RICHARD
(under his breath)
Yeah, when hell freezes over you’ll keep them to–
OSCAR
What was that?
RICHARD
I said I love hearing your observations, pop. Please don’t keep them to yourself.
OSCAR glares at Richard.
OSCAR
Is there anything to drink?
RICHARD
(deadpan)
No, pop, there’s nothing to drink.
(beat)
What do you want? Water, juice, root beer…?
OSCAR
I could take a glass of root beer.
RICHARD exits back into the kitchen.

OSCAR picks up the remote. He brings it
close to his face. He presses a button and
points the remote in the direction of the
television. Nothing happens. He presses
another button. Nothing. He presses several
other buttons. Frustrated, he tosses the
remote to the ground. RICHARD re-enters
holding a glass of root beer.
RICHARD
What are you doing? You’re going to break it.
OSCAR
I can never get the damn thing to turn on! I don’t know why you got rid of the old player.
30

RICHARD
Because it only played VHS’s.
OSCAR
What does it matter? I can’t see anything. At least the old player worked.
RICHARD picks up the remote from the

floor.
RICHARD
This one works fine. You just have to press On, the green button on the top right hand
corner, and then DVD, the blue button right underneath it.
RICHARD presses two buttons and the

television comes on. Gloria Grahame is in the
middle of the song “I Can’t Say No” from the
1955 movie version of Oklahoma!
OSCAR
(singing along)
When a person tries to kiss a girl/I know she aughta give his face a smack!/But as soon as someone kisses
me/I somehow sorta want to kiss him back!
RICHARD
This is a terrible song.
OSCAR
I Can’t Say No? It’s a classic. I saw Celeste Holm play Ado Annie at the St. James Theatre on
Broadway. She was terrific. She even signed my Playbill. I used to have it, but you threw out
everything–
RICHARD
I know, I know, I threw out everything when we sold the house. Which isn’t actually true.
There’s still at least a half-a-dozen boxes of junk in that storage unit in Great Neck.
OSCAR
We still have a storage unit in Great Neck? Who’s paying for that?
RICHARD
You are. It’s just a locker. It’s only a few bucks a month.
OSCAR
What a waste.
31

RICHARD
I actually don’t disagree. I’ll see if they’ll mail the boxes out here. But if we open them and
find the Playbill? I expect a deeply-felt apology.
RICHARD grabs Oscar’s now empty plate

and heads into the kitchen.
OSCAR
(calling after him)
Eh, don’t bet on it.
RICHARD (from the kitchen)

On what? The Playbill or the apology?
OSCAR
Either.
Oscar continues eating his sandwich,

humming along to the song.
32

3.
A week later. DAVID’s kitchen.
RICHARD and JOSH sit across from each

other at the table. JOSH practices a selection
from METHANE on his guitar –
JOSH
The forests are burning, releasing greenhouse gases
Our officials don’t care, they just sit on their asses
But now we’re taking a stand
Gonna stick it to the man
Wanna join our fight?
Wanna do what’s right?
His phone dings. JOSH glances at the screen.
JOSH (cont’d)
My dad just texted. He should be home in like 5.
RICHARD
Ok. Thanks.
(silence)
You don’t have to wait with me. If you have other things…
JOSH
It’s ok. Gotta make sure you don’t steal shit.
RICHARD smiles. Silence.
JOSH (cont’d)
(matter-of-fact)
You know my dad has to have chemo, right?
(off RICHARD’s nod)
If it goes well, he can maybe get this surgery that would get rid of the tumor completely.
They remove all this stuff. Parts of your gallbladder, and the top of your pancreas, and some
of your stomach, and then they like…suture your small intestine to your liver–
RICHARD
Yeah, no, that’s not actually what they do.
JOSH
I Googled pancreatic cancer. Lots of people die from it.
33

RICHARD
(carefully)
In most cases, when a person is diagnosed, the disease has already metastasized–spread to
other sites in the body.
JOSH
My mom had cancer, too. But a different kind.
RICHARD
Lung cancer, right?
JOSH
Yeah, how did you know that?
RICHARD
Oh, I…your dad must have told me.
JOSH
She died from it.
RICHARD
I’m sorry–
JOSH
Do you think my dad is gonna die?
Beat.
RICHARD
No.
JOSH
And you’re usually right?
RICHARD
I…yes. I’m usually right.
JOSH
Like how often? Like out of every 10 patients that you bet on if they’ll live or die…how
often are you right?
RICHARD
I don’t typically bet on that, but…if I did? I would say pretty often.
34

JOSH
Ok. Cool.
(beat)
If anything happens to my dad, I have to go live with my Uncle Randy and Aunt Karen in
Reno.
Long beat.
RICHARD
I’m trying to think of something positive to say about Reno…but the problem is I’ve been
there.
JOSH
Mrs. Kilroy–she’s my drama teacher–would be devastated. Not to brag, but I’m basically the
star of the drama department. Mrs. Kilroy says I have it.
(off RICHARD’s confusion)
The x factor. The thing they can’t teach.
RICHARD
And you’re so humble, too.
JOSH
Have you ever done that operation? The one my dad might get?
RICHARD
A Whipple? No. I’m not a surgeon.
JOSH
Oh, that’s right.
(beat)
No offense, but it sounds like you basically don’t do anything cool. Maybe that’s why there
aren’t a ton of TV shows about internists. We could write our own show! I could write it,
and star in it, and you could be like the technical consultant.
RICHARD
Didn’t we just determine that I don’t do anything cool, though?
The sound of the front door opening.
DAVID enters the kitchen, carrying several

bags of groceries. RICHARD jumps up to
help him.
DAVID
Thanks, I’ve got it. Did Josh keep you entertained?
35

JOSH
We’re writing a TV show together.
DAVID
(looking at RICHARD)
Really?
RICHARD
I thought I was just a consultant?
JOSH
We can negotiate the terms later. I’ll have my people call your people.
DAVID
(to RICHARD)
Yeah, I’m his people.
JOSH starts to exit the kitchen.
DAVID (cont’d)
Where are you going?
JOSH
To shoot some heroin.
DAVID
Did you finish your homework?
JOSH
Kind of.
DAVID
Finish it all the way. Then you can shoot heroin.
JOSH rolls his eyes and sighs loudly. He

leaves the kitchen.
The SOUND of him BOUNDING up a

flight of stairs.
RICHARD
So you’re one of those hip dads, huh?
DAVID
You have to be with Josh. He’s all about getting a reaction.
36

RICHARD
What if the jokes on you, and he’s actually up in his room shooting heroin right now?
DAVID
Somehow I doubt it. He still cries when he has to get a flu shot.
(beat)
You didn’t have to drive all the way here.
RICHARD
Eh. It’s a nice drive.
DAVID
How long did it take you?
RICHARD
An hour-and-a-half.
DAVID
During rush hour?
RICHARD
Two-and-a-half hours. I listened to a book on tape.
(expectant)
So?
DAVID
So. I was on the phone with the insurance all day yesterday. Literally. All day. Long story
short…if I go out of network, they won’t cover me.
(pause)
I really liked Delp, a lot, but they estimated that I could be looking at hundreds of thousands
of dollars out-of-pocket.
RICHARD
I’m sure we could work out an extended payment plan with the hospital–
DAVID
Richard, I don’t have anywhere near that kind of money. My financial situation isn’t…it’s not
great --
RICHARD
I know the start-up folded, but I thought you had a pretty steady stream of freelance work
coming in–
DAVID
Yeah, but still…it’s barely enough to cover the mortgage and Josh’s tuition–
37

RICHARD
(surprised)
Josh goes to private school? Why?
DAVID
He had some…issues, behavioral issues–and please don’t say I told you so–
RICHARD
I didn’t say anything.
DAVID
It wasn’t because of past abuse, or anything they failed to disclose in his psychiatric
evaluation–
RICHARD
I didn’t say it was.
DAVID
But that was always your concern–
RICHARD
That’s a stretch, David. I think I brought it up once–
DAVID
It was just normal, adolescent acting out. We tried a couple of public schools but none of
them were the right fit. And then we found Millwood. And it’s great but it’s expensive–
RICHARD
So maybe he switches schools–
DAVID
No. I can’t pull him out in the middle of the school year. He’s doing so well there–
RICHARD
David. We’re talking about your life–
DAVID
No, no, we’re not just talking about my life. We’re talking about Josh’s life, too.
Beat.
RICHARD
What if–and before you say no, hear me out.
(beat)
What if I helped…financially–
38

DAVID
No. Absolutely not.
RICHARD
Why not?
DAVID
Because it’s too much. Way too much. And it’s not appropriate–
RICHARD
How about we make it a loan? Ok? I’ll charge you interest. That way I make money.
DAVID
No. Thank you, Richard, but no.
RICHARD
Would you swallow your
(lowering his voice)
fucking pride for a minute–
DAVID
It has nothing to do with pride–
RICHARD
Then what’s it about? Cause if you’re really concerned about Josh’s welfare? You’re not
going to do him any good dead.
Beat.
DAVID
It’s about letting you back in.
RICHARD
I’m not asking you to. That’s not why I’m offering–
DAVID
Then why?
Beat.
RICHARD
(challenging)
Because you would do the same for me.
They regard each other for a moment.

DAVID looks away.
39

DAVID
I’ll think about it.
40

4.
Two weeks later. LAX airport. We HEAR the

occasional gate announcement, the din of
chatter, etc. A table at a coffee shop. Laura, a
rolling suitcase by her side, sits across from
Richard. They’ve got coffee cups in hand.
LAURA
Whoa whoa whoa–what? Pop just offered? Unprompted? You were like, hey, pop, I’m
gonna pay for David’s medical costs and he was like…
RICHARD
…let me do that. I’d like to do that. I don’t remember exactly what he said, Laura. You’ll
have to ask pop. You should have given me more of a heads up, I would have brought him–
LAURA
I was only supposed to have a 3-hour layover at LAX. But now they’re saying the plane is
gonna be like 4 hours late. But, wait, back to the money–what about David’s family? Why
can’t they help?
RICHARD
His mom barely scrapes by on Social Security and Medicaid. His brother is a minister–
LAURA
He could take up a collection–
RICHARD
He’s a youth minister. His congregation is a bunch 15 year olds.
LAURA
And so pop’s giving the money to you, or to David directly?
RICHARD
To me. I could barely get David to accept my help. If he knew the money was coming from
pop…
LAURA
If I were David, I would feel the same way.
RICHARD
Feel what way?
LAURA
Uncomfortable. Accepting money–a huge quantity of money–from my ex-partner’s father?
41

RICHARD
Their relationship was more than just–
LAURA
Yeah, no, of course. David was wonderful to pop and mom.
RICHARD
He helped take care of them. Both of them. For years.
LAURA
A few years, yeah.
RICHARD
Three years.
LAURA
What if pop misunderstood? When you were explaining it to him, maybe he thought you
were asking him–
RICHARD
I didn’t ask him for money. He offered–
LAURA
Which is so un-pop like. To make this big, grandiose gesture. That’s more…Richard-like.
RICHARD
Pop’s cheap, sure. But he’s cheap when it comes to himself. When it comes to us, he’s
always been very generous. College, your law school–
LAURA
Your medical school.
RICHARD
Yes. Exactly.
LAURA
But we’re his children. I absolutely want David to get the best possible care, but we’ve also
got to think about pop’s future–
RICHARD
This is not going to wipe him dry. He has plenty of money. The man wore the same two
suits for 45 years. Mom didn’t buy anything she didn’t have a coupon for–
LAURA
How much is left in the estate?
42

RICHARD
I don’t know.
LAURA
Ballpark estimate.
RICHARD
I don’t know.
LAURA
How much is pop giving you?
RICHARD
Enough to cover David’s medical costs.
LAURA
You’re not even gonna tell me how much?!
RICHARD
I don’t know how much! David hasn’t gotten any bills yet.
LAURA
This is not ok, Richard. When it comes to pop’s money, we both need to be involved in the
decision-making.
RICHARD
I wasn’t involved in the decision-making, Laura. It was pop’s decision.
LAURA
And he shouldn’t be making those decisions on his own anymore!
(beat)
Alright, look…this doesn’t necessarily need to be documented, but I would like an
agreement, between us, and, again, this has nothing to do with–you know how much I love
David–but I want us to agree that the money pop is giving you will be deducted. From your
half of the estate.
A long beat. RICHARD laughs.
RICHARD
There it is.
LAURA
What.
43

RICHARD
(imitating LAURA)
Ooooh I loooooove David–
LAURA
I do love David! And you know that. Don’t make this about–
RICHARD
Oh sure, yeah, you’ll send him almonds and goji berries, but when it comes to treatment
that’s actually going to save his life–
LAURA
That is so unfair. I just said I want him to get the best possible care–
RICHARD
Just so long as it doesn’t put a dent in your inheritance.
LAURA
I don’t think it’s an unreasonable–we’re still splitting it. You’re just getting a portion of your
share early.
RICHARD
No, it’s not unreasonable at all, Laura. You’ve earned that money.
LAURA
What the fuck does that mean?
RICHARD
You do so much for pop. You buy his groceries. You clip his toenails. You take him to his
doctors’ appointments. You’re renovating your home so he can–oh wait. No. I’m doing all
that.
LAURA
I am so sick of your bullshit martyrdom. I have said, so many times, if you need a break, I
am happy to come out and take care of pop for a few weeks–
RICHARD
Ok, I need a break. Can you come for a few weeks?
Long beat.
LAURA
Well, I can’t right now–
RICHARD
Exactly.
44

LAURA
Henry and I are starting mediation on Monday!
RICHARD
Why?
LAURA
I told you – he’s trying to take Matt back to Shanghai. You know, I realize you won’t believe
this, since you seem to think only the absolute worst of me, but the only reason I give a shit
about my inheritance is Matt. Because if someday he wants to go to med school or law
school or whatever, I would like to be in the position to pay for it. Or at least help pay for it.
RICHARD
Oooh, the tragedy. He might have to take out loans.
LAURA
Of course, you don’t get it. You don’t have a kid so…
RICHARD
So I can’t possibly fathom–
LAURA
No, you can’t.
(beat)
You want to give your kid what you had–more than what you had. Not less.
RICHARD
Ok, so when you cheated on his father for two years…was that giving Matt more or less?
Just wondering how that works.
LAURA stares at him, hurt and furious. After

a beat, she stands.
RICHARD (cont’d)
Where are you going?
LAURA
Back to the gate.
RICHARD
Your plane isn’t going to be here for another five hours –
LAURA
I’ve got work to do.
45

RICHARD
Oh, stop it. We both know you’re just going to play on Facebook–
LAURA
Bye, Richard. Thanks for the company.
And she’s off. RICHARD watches her go,

sighing to himself.
46

5.
Two-weeks later. David’s kitchen.
DAVID, pale and nauseous, leans heavily on

the counter. JOSH hovers nearby.
JOSH
Are you ok?
DAVID
Yeah, I just need to sit here for a second…
DAVID sits down and takes a deep breath.
JOSH
How was it?
DAVID
(lying)
Not bad.
JOSH
What are you wearing? Is that a fanny pack?
DAVID
Yep. This is how I’ll get my medicine for the next few days. It’s actually kinda cool. Come
take a look.
JOSH approaches cautiously. DAVID

removes a chemo pump from the fanny pack.
JOSH
Can you take it off before tonight?
RICHARD enters with a cool compress.

Hands it to DAVID.
RICHARD
Take what off?
JOSH
The fanny pack.
RICHARD
No. He can’t.
47

JOSH
But my show is tonight. You can’t wear a fanny pack to my show. It looks so dorky.
RICHARD
(to DAVID)
Is he serious?
DAVID
(warning)
Richard…
(beat)
Josh, I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it tonight–
JOSH
What?! No, dad, you have to come tonight–
DAVID
I’ll come tomorrow night. Or Sunday.
JOSH
But I reserved you a ticket for tonight. And we only get two comps for the whole run, and I
already promised my other comp−
DAVID
I don’t mind paying–
JOSH
But it’s not going to be as good–
RICHARD
He’s not coming tonight–
JOSH
Why did you have to start the stupid chemo today? Why couldn’t you have waited till
Monday–
DAVID
Because this was the first day they could get me in. Otherwise, I would have had to wait
another two-weeks–
JOSH
So why didn’t you do that?
RICHARD
(exploding)
Because your shitty school play is not even remotely a reason to postpone–
48

DAVID
(sharp)
Richard, don’t.
RICHARD
He’s acting like a spoiled brat–
JOSH
Don’t talk about me like I’m not here.
(looking right at Richard)
Dick.
DAVID
(to JOSH)
Go to your room. Now.
JOSH
(to DAVID)
Fuck it. I don’t even want you to come.
JOSH exits. The SOUND of him RUNNING

up the stairs, followed by a DOOR
SLAMMING. Beat.
DAVID
(to RICHARD)
Thank you. For that.
RICHARD
You coddle him, David–
DAVID
He’s having a hard time–
RICHARD
You can’t let him talk to you like–
DAVID
I actually don’t need parenting advice from you! Ok?
(pause)
I should never have agreed to let you buy your way back into my life. Into Josh’s life–
RICHARD
You don’t want me here? Fine.
RICHARD grabs his coat and starts to exit.

49

DAVID
You’re not his father.
RICHARD turns around.
RICHARD
(genuinely taken aback)
I never suggested I was–
DAVID
And that was your choice. So for you to come in here and judge the way–
RICHARD
You know, it actually wasn’t my choice. I am getting so tired of your revisionist version of
events. It was your choice. You left. I said I was on board–
DAVID
Was that before or after you suggested we back out of the adoption altogether? It’s just so
hard to keep the timeline straight.
RICHARD
I had reservations, sure, but I was getting there–
DAVID
No, no, you’re right. I should have waited for you. Coddled you. Like I always did. Until you
were ready–
RICHARD
Geeze, David, my mom had just died. You could have given me some time.
DAVID
I gave you years!
RICHARD
I would have gotten there.
DAVID
How do I know that?
RICHARD
Because I’m here now, aren’t I?!
DAVID
Well, it’s too–
(starting to gag)
fucking late–
50

DAVID quickly runs to a nearby trash can.

Begins throwing up in it. RICHARD kneels
down next to DAVID. Puts his hand on
DAVID’s back as he continues to heave.
51

6.
A few hours later. The outside of an

auditorium. A large door leading into a
parking lot. RICHARD stands near the door,
waiting.
After a few moments JOSH exits through the

door, in the opposite direction of where
RICHARD is standing.
RICHARD
Hi, Josh.
JOSH
(turning around)
Oh. Hey.
RICHARD
Great job tonight.
JOSH
You watched the show?
(off RICHARD’s nod)
My dad made you come?
RICHARD
No. He doesn’t know I’m here, actually. He fell asleep at 6:30.
JOSH
Is he always gonna get sick like that?
RICHARD
He might. But he might not. Sometimes it gets easier as the body acclimates.
Beat.
RICHARD (cont’d)
(genuine)
You were very good. In the show.
JOSH
You seem surprised. Did you think I would suck?
RICHARD
No, I was…I was just impressed.
52

JOSH
What did you think of the show?
Long pause.
RICHARD
I think you really…elevated the material.
JOSH
Thanks.
RICHARD
So that award your teacher gave you…it’s a pretty big deal?
JOSH
Yeah. It always goes to a senior. This was the first time a sophomore has ever won. In the
history of the award.
RICHARD
Really?
JOSH
I mean…I don’t know for sure. But probably, yeah.
(beat)
I had a feeling I was gonna win.
(pointed)
Cause Mrs. Kilroy kept asking if my dad was coming to opening.
Beat.
RICHARD
I took some pictures with my phone. And a video of your teacher’s speech. So you can show
him when you get home.
JOSH
Did you catch the part where she said I possessed a rare combination of raw talent and
relentless drive?
RICHARD
(hiding a smile)
I did, yes.
JOSH
Cool.
53

RICHARD
Do you want to go for ice cream or something? To celebrate?
JOSH
There’s a cast party–
RICHARD
Oh, never mind then. Go to that–
JOSH
Nah, it’s cool. I can be a little late.
(beat)
Can I drive your car?
RICHARD
Do you have your driver’s license?
JOSH
No.
RICHARD
Do you have a learner’s permit?
JOSH
No.
RICHARD
Then no.
RICHARD and JOSH exit together.
54

7.
Two months later.
Oscar’s apartment. Six large boxes are stacked

in a corner of the room. OSCAR is asleep in
his chair. His glasses are off.
RICHARD enters with two grocery bags. He

notices OSCAR sleeping, and exits into the
kitchen. The SOUND of cabinets
OPENING and CLOSING.
OSCAR stirs.
OSCAR
Dorothy? Dorothy, what time is it?
RICHARD
(calling from the kitchen)
Hey, it’s me.
OSCAR
Did I miss the 7:25?
RICHARD re-enters the living room.
RICHARD
Did you miss what?
OSCAR
(disoriented)
The train. What time is it?
RICHARD
It’s quarter to 8.
OSCAR
I could still make the 8:15. My meeting is not till−
RICHARD
You have a meeting tonight?
OSCAR
(growing irritated)
No! This morning!
55

RICHARD
It’s almost 8 PM, pop. It’s nighttime.
OSCAR
That can’t be….
(looking at his wrist)
Where’s my watch?
RICHARD
You don’t wear a watch.
OSCAR
(accusatory)
Did you take my watch?
RICHARD
No, you don’t have–
OSCAR
Would you get your mother? I need her to drive me to the train.
RICHARD
(straight forward)
Mom’s not–pop, mom’s dead. Remember?
OSCAR
(thoroughly confused)
What?
(a long pause)
Oh. Oh, right. That’s right.
(beat)
I guess I was dreaming…
(slowly remembering)
We were eating breakfast…we were all in the kitchen. In Great Neck. Dorothy was making
eggs…she had those round things in her hair…
RICHARD
Curlers?
OSCAR
(nodding)
You and Laura were little. You were reading the cartoons. I had on my grey suit.
(realizing)
I could see. Perfectly. Didn’t even have my glasses on. And I was sitting up tall. Wasn’t bent
over at all.
56

RICHARD
Sounds like a nice dream.
OSCAR
It was.
OSCAR rubs his eyes, snapping out of the

reverie. He feels around on the side table, and
finds his glasses. He puts them on.
RICHARD
I brought you groceries. Frozen dinners, bread, roast beef, pastrami, mustard−
OSCAR
We have mustard.
RICHARD
You’re running low.
OSCAR
Cause Terri uses too much. I tell her just a little, but she still globs it on.
RICHARD
We don’t need to ration the mustard. I also got you grapes, eggs and chocolate chip cookies.
You should be fully-stocked for the next month.
OSCAR
Are you going on a trip?
RICHARD
No, but I won’t be around as much the next few weeks. David finished his final round of
chemo on Friday. Good news is the tumor shrunk a little. So he’s been approved for surgery.
Next Wednesday.
OSCAR
Before I forget …
(pulling a check from his breast pocket)
For David’s care.
RICHARD
Oh, we don’t need to do that, yet–
OSCAR
Just take it.
RICHARD takes it.

57

RICHARD
Pop…you left it blank.
OSCAR
I know. That way when you get the bill, you can just put down whatever you need.
RICHARD
(trying to hand it back)
Why don’t we wait to see how much it comes out to–
OSCAR
(nonchalant)
What does it matter? I said I’d pay.
RICHARD
I want to make sure you’re comfortable with the amount–
OSCAR
(impatient)
I’m comfortable. Whatever it is.
Beat.
RICHARD
Thank you, pop. I really appreciate–
OSCAR waves his hand, dismissive. He

doesn’t do thank yous.
OSCAR
Yeah, yeah, yeah…
OSCAR’s overcome by a yawn.
RICHARD
Getting tired?
(off OSCAR’s headshake)
Should we tackle the boxes? That’ll wear you out.
OSCAR
Let’s do it another night.
RICHARD
You’re stalling. You know I’m gonna find the Oklahoma! Playbill.
58

OSCAR
(deadpan)
I’m shaking in my boots, Richard.
(beat)
It’s long gone.
RICHARD
Want to give Laura a call?
OSCAR
I spoke to her last night.
RICHARD
Really? I’ve been trying her for weeks. We keep playing phone tag.
OSCAR
I think she’s busy. She’s getting Matthew packed.
RICHARD thumbs through a stack of mail.
RICHARD
(nonchalant)
Packed for what?
OSCAR
He’s moving back to Shanghai with his father.
Beat. RICHARD looks up.
RICHARD
No, I don’t think…pop, I don’t think that’s what–
OSCAR
That’s what she said.
RICHARD
Henry won custody? Laura said that?
OSCAR
The judge, or whatever they call him over there, made the decision. I tried to ask her why,
but you know your sister. She gets all sensitive and−
RICHARD
What did you say?
59

OSCAR
I didn’t say anything! I just pointed out that, at least over here, they don’t remove the child
from the mother unless they can prove she’s unfit for some reason−
RICHARD
Oh, god–
OSCAR
I didn’t say she was unfit! I just asked if they thought she was unfit. The Chinese. And she got
all upset. So, I don’t know. Maybe you should give her a call?
RICHARD
I’ll call her on the way home.
(beat)
Did you go down for dinner?
OSCAR
No. It was chicken pad Thai. They’ve got a lot of nerve advertising the chicken. The pieces
are so small you need a magnifying glass to find them.
RICHARD
You know, there’s a great Thai restaurant just down the street from me…
OSCAR
It’s not happening, Richard.
RICHARD
Bob is almost finished renovating the bathroom–
OSCAR
Who is Bob?
RICHARD
The contractor.
OSCAR
You actually paid someone–
RICHARD
I actually paid someone.
OSCAR
See if you can get your money back. I think the new director is starting to warm up to me.
(beat)
Turns out he’s Jewish.
60

RICHARD
What do you know.
Beat.
OSCAR
This surgery David’s having, it’s gonna knock the cancer out completely?
RICHARD
Hopefully, yes.
(pause)
Sometimes they get in there and they find growths that they couldn’t detect on the scan.
OSCAR
(reassuring)
Not gonna happen.
(beat)
You give David a message from me. Tell him he’s gonna do A-OK. And after he’s back on
his feet, I expect him to come pay me a visit.
RICHARD
You can visit him in the hospital after he’s out of surgery.
OSCAR nods and grips the side of his walker.

As he attempts to push himself upright --
OSCAR
I think I’ll go to bed.
RICHARD
I thought you weren’t tired?
OSCAR
Maybe if I go back to sleep, I’ll have that dream again.
RICHARD
That never works.
OSCAR
Maybe I’ll get lucky.
OSCAR, now upright, smiles at RICHARD.
OSCAR
You know, David was your best…eh…you know…
61

RICHARD waits as OSCAR struggles for the

word, not comfortable saying “partner” or
“boyfriend.”
OSCAR (cont’d)
(simply)
He was your best one.
OSCAR shuffles to the bedroom. RICHARD

follows behind him.
62

8.
A week later. David’s kitchen. Early evening.

JOSH performs a song on his guitar.
RICHARD and DAVID listen. After he is
done, they applaud.
RICHARD
You’ll have to perform that for my dad.
(self-conscious)
I mean when you–if you–meet him. He’s a big musical theatre fan.
JOSH
(flash of inspiration)
Oh! Idea for our TV show! What if our protagonist–that’s the main dude–has some kind of
superpower. He puts his hands on you and can immediately diagnose your condition. Would
you watch that show?
Beat.
RICHARD
I don’t think I’m your target audience.
DAVID
I’d watch it, Josh.
RICHARD
(to DAVID)
It feels wrong that you made us this huge dinner when you can’t even eat.
DAVID
It was a good distraction.
JOSH
Are you nervous about tomorrow?
DAVID
Are you kidding? A seven-hour nap? Sounds like vacation to me.
RICHARD
What time are your mom and brother supposed to get here? You should go to bed soon.
DAVID
I didn’t tell you? They’re not coming. My mom fell this morning getting into the car.
63

RICHARD
Is Nancy ok?
DAVID
She sprained her ankle. Possibly broke it. They’re not sure, yet.
JOSH
(to RICHARD)
Knowing my grandma, she’s probably just being a drama queen.
DAVID
You would know, Josh.
JOSH
(starting to leave the kitchen)
Hey Dad, come to my room before you go to bed, ok? I need to give you something.
DAVID glances at RICHARD who shrugs.
DAVID
(to JOSH)
Ok.
RICHARD
Night, Josh. See you in the morning.
JOSH
Peace out cub scout.
JOSH leaves.
RICHARD
So they’re just not coming?
DAVID
My brother couldn’t find anyone to stay with my mom, so I just told him to bag it. They’ll
come visit over the weekend. Honestly, I was kind of relieved. Josh is right–it’s always such a
production with my mom. I called her last night and she couldn’t stop crying. “It should be
me, it should be me, it’s my turn!”
RICHARD
Her turn to what?
DAVID
I guess die?
64

RICHARD
Did you tell her Delp’s done over a thousand Whipple’s? Hasn’t killed anyone, yet?
DAVID
No, I told her that my cellphone was out of juice and I had to go.
RICHARD chuckles. Silence. DAVID

nervously taps his fingers against the kitchen
table. RICHARD gently places his hands over
DAVID’s. They look at each other.
RICHARD quickly moves his hands away.
Beat.
DAVID (cont’d)
(smiling)
There is no West Coast Association of Internal Medicine.
Beat.
RICHARD
You checked out my story?
DAVID
I thought it was odd that a major medical association was hosting their annual conference at
a La Quinta Inn.
RICHARD
I’ll have you know the La Quinta Inn was lovely.
(beat)
When Laura told me about your brother’s Facebook…thing…
DAVID
Post.
RICHARD
Post. I thought about calling, but…I don’t know. Driving 70 miles and inventing a fake
conference seemed…easier. Somehow.
Long beat. DAVID returns to drumming his

fingers.
RICHARD once again places his hand over

DAVID’s. This time he does not move it
away.
65

RICHARD
(echoing his father)
You’re gonna do A-Ok tomorrow. According to my father. And, as we both know, he’s
never wrong.
Beat. Though not convinced, DAVID nods.
DAVID
Yeah. Yeah.
As the lights fade on them….
66

9.
The next morning. A hospital waiting room.

RICHARD sits in a chair reading a magazine.
JOSH bounces a small ball against a nearby
wall.
JOSH
How much longer?
RICHARD
(looking at his watch)
They’re just getting started. It’s going to be a while.
JOSH
How come so many of the doctors here know you? Are you famous?
RICHARD
Incredibly famous. I have the “x” factor. The thing they can’t teach.
JOSH rolls his eyes.
JOSH
Ha ha.
(beat)
I can’t wait to be famous.
RICHARD
Really? Seems like a real nuisance. Paparazzi following you all the time, fans hounding you
for autographs…
JOSH
I’ll have a security detail.
RICHARD
A security detail? So you’re gonna be very famous.
JOSH
Definitely.
(beat, bouncing the ball)
Did you always want to be an internist?
RICHARD
No. Actually. I wanted to be a dermatologist.
67

JOSH
So why didn’t you?
RICHARD
My dad smirked when I said I was applying for a dermatology fellowship.
JOSH
And so you didn’t apply? Just because he smirked?
RICHARD
Yes. Pretty much. In retrospect…I may have overacted.
JOSH
Have you ever told him? That you didn’t become a dermatologist because he smirked?
RICHARD
No.
JOSH
One night you should be like, Dad. I have something to tell you. And then start sobbing and tell
him that not becoming a dermatologist ruined your life.
RICHARD
I don’t think I can cry on cue.
JOSH
I can.
RICHARD
How?
JOSH
I just think of something that makes me really sad. But sometimes it makes me legit sad, and
Mrs. Kilroy said that isn’t good. We have to learn to have complete control over our
emotions as actors.
(unexpectedly shy)
I started crying in my acting class last week and I couldn’t stop.
RICHARD
What were you thinking about?
JOSH
Like what if my dad died during surgery. And then I got really scared that maybe by just
imagining it I had jinxed him? And I sort of freaked out. I had to go the counselor’s office.
(beat, looking for reassurance)
Do you think maybe I jinxed him?
68

RICHARD
No.
JOSH
Are you sure?
RICHARD
Positive.
JOSH
The counselor said that, too. But she said if I was still worried, I should give my dad a good
luck charm. That it would undo the jinx.
RICHARD
Is that what you gave him last night?
JOSH
Yeah. A signed copy of my headshot.
RICHARD suppresses a laugh.
RICHARD
I’m sure that’ll do the trick.
JOSH
I guess I’m pretty lucky.
RICHARD
Why’s that?
JOSH
Because my dad didn’t smirk when I told him I wanted to be an actor.
(pause)
I wonder if my real dad would have smirked.
RICHARD
Have you ever met your biological father?
JOSH
No. I bet if I get really famous he’ll try to hit me up for money.
RICHARD
Would you give him any?
JOSH
I guess if I had a lot, I would. Like buy him a house or something if he’s struggling.
69

RICHARD
That’s very big of you.
JOSH
I’ll buy you a house, too. If we’re still like friends.
RICHARD
That’s a strong incentive to stay friends with you.
Beat. JOSH bounces the ball. RICHARD

returns to his magazine.
JOSH
(not looking at RICHARD)
So do you have like a girlfriend?
RICHARD
No.
JOSH
A boyfriend?
Pause. RICHARD shakes his head.
JOSH (cont’d)
But you’re gay…right?
RICHARD
Yes.
JOSH
Yeah, I figured.
RICHARD
Then why did you ask me if I had a girlfriend?
JOSH
(shrugs)
I don’t know.
RICHARD
My father used to do that all the time when I was growing up.
JOSH
Do what?
70

RICHARD
Ask me if I had a girlfriend.
JOSH
Did he know you were gay?
RICHARD
I think so. Yeah.
JOSH
So why did he ask?
RICHARD
I don’t know.
JOSH
I’m not gay.
RICHARD
Ok.
JOSH
I have a girlfriend. Kind of.
RICHARD
What do you mean kind of?
JOSH
We’re not official, but–
They’re interrupted by RICHARD’s

cellphone. RICHARD looks at the screen.
RICHARD
(answering)
Hi, what’s going on–what? What happened?
JOSH
(alarmed)
Is my dad ok? Did something happen–
71

RICHARD
(covering the mouthpiece; to JOSH)
No, no, it’s not–
(into the phone)
Sorry, yeah, Terri, I’m here.
(beat)
Did you check his–
(stark shift, urgent)
Terri, call 911. I’m on my way.
72

10.
Two days later. Oscar’s apartment. A few of

the boxes are now open, their contents strewn
across the living room in piles. Various knick-
knacks, a stamp collection, needle-point
pillows, etc. RICHARD re-enters from the
kitchen, a box cutter in hand.
As he goes to open another box, there is a

KNOCK on the DOOR.
RICHARD
It’s open!
LAURA enters, wheeling a suitcase behind

her. RICHARD stands and goes to her. They
hug for a long time.
LAURA
I can’t believe he just went in his sleep...
RICHARD
(clinical)
He may have had a stroke. But if he did, I don’t think he woke up during it. It didn’t look
that way.
LAURA
You saw him? After?
RICHARD
Yeah. The paramedics waited to take the body till I got here.
LAURA
Should we have an autopsy done? So we know for sure what happened?
RICHARD
(deadpan)
What? You think he was murdered?
LAURA
No. I just…I don’t know. I guess an autopsy is dumb.
RICHARD
(matter-of-fact)
He was old, Laura. That’s what happened.
73

LAURA
I just didn’t expect him to go so…
(disturbed)
…peacefully.
RICHARD
I know. I always figured with pop it would be some long, drawn-out ending. He’d go out
kicking and screaming.
LAURA
Do you think he was ready?
RICHARD
He was a few months away from going completely blind. Another year and he would have
been in a wheelchair. They weren’t going to let him stay here. And I think, by the end, he
kind of liked it here. Maybe liked is too strong. He was comfortable here.
Beat.
LAURA
I hung up on him. The last time we spoke? I got angry and I hung up on him.
RICHARD looks at LAURA.
RICHARD
That probably killed him.
Beat.
LAURA
(straight-faced)
Maybe he killed himself cause he didn’t want to move in with you.
RICHARD
Maybe we should do an autopsy.
(beat)
Sorry I couldn’t pick you up from the airport. We had a meeting at noon with David’s
doctors.
LAURA
Is everything ok?
RICHARD
Yeah. We were just discussing the plan for his adjuvant therapy.
74

LAURA
He has to get more treatment? I thought the surgery went really well?
RICHARD
His margins were clean. No lymph node involvement–
LAURA
English, please? Or elementary Chinese.
RICHARD
It appears they got it all. But it’s a very aggressive cancer. You follow up with a few months
of chemo or radiation.
LAURA
Can I see him?
RICHARD
Yeah. Let me finish up here and we’ll head to the hospital.
Beat. LAURA surveys the apartment.
LAURA
I always thought we’d have this…pop and I would have this moment. On like his death bed.
He’d beckon me over, and we’d talk, or maybe we wouldn’t talk, maybe we would just look
at each other, and…
Beat.
RICHARD
Beckon you?
LAURA
It was very Jane Austen-y in my head.
(beat)
I feel like you and pop had that.
RICHARD
(skeptical)
A moment?
75

LAURA
Maybe not a moment, but…
(beat)
Do you remember that thing you said? At mom’s funeral? In your eulogy? “No one has ever
loved me as much as my mother, and no one ever will.” I’ll never forget that. I feel like with
pop, it’s more like–at least for me–“No one has ever judged me as harshly as my father, and
no one ever will.” “I’ve never cared about anyone’s opinion as much as my father’s…”
(beat)
And so I feel this weird sense of almost, and I hate to say this, I probably don’t even mean
it, but…relief. To finally let go of that. The weight of his judgment. Or what I perceived to
be his judgement. But I feel like you already let it go. Whatever you were carrying when it
came to pop…you let it go.
Beat.
RICHARD
I think I stopped being afraid of him. Maybe he stopped being afraid of me? I don’t know.
After mom died, and David left, I think we were kind of…we became a sort of comfort to
each other.
(beat)
I was almost looking forward to him moving in.
LAURA
That’s a 180.
RICHARD
What do you mean?
LAURA
What do you mean what do I mean? Pop wanted to move in with you and David after mom
died. You were dead set against it.
RICHARD
That’s an overstatement.
LAURA studies RICHARD.
LAURA
You have a very selective memory.
RICHARD
I have a discerning memory.
76

LAURA
A self-preserving memory–
(noticing the stamp collection)
Oh my god. Is that your stupid stamp collection?
RICHARD
I think you mean my awesome stamp collection?
LAURA
Where did you find all this shit?
RICHARD
It was in storage. Back in Great Neck.
LAURA
Oooh, are my porcelain dolls in there?
RICHARD
I think so. When I packed up the house…
(examining a couple of boxes)
Here it is. I labeled it “Laura’s creepy dolls.”
LAURA
Yeeeessss.
RICHARD hands her the box cutter. LAURA

eagerly rips into a box.
RICHARD
I spoke with dad’s broker, yesterday. He’s going to inventory the estate and then set up a call
with you next week.
LAURA
Why does he want to speak with me? I’m happy to, but shouldn’t we both–
RICHARD
Apparently…you’re the executor.
LAURA
Wait. Pop made me the executor?
RICHARD
I was also surprised.
LAURA
I thought you were the executor.
77

RICHARD
So did I.
LAURA
When did he change it?
RICHARD
I had him meet with a lawyer. About a year ago. Just to make sure everything was in order.
He must have made the switch then.
LAURA
Huh.
RICHARD
I mean, I assume he changed it for practical reasons. You’re a lawyer. You work with
contracts all the time–
LAURA
Sure, or…
RICHARD
Or what?
LAURA
Despite frequently insinuating that I was stupid, demeaning my opinion, telling me I didn’t
know what I was talking about…
(pause, overcome)
He actually thought that I was smarter than you.
LAURA starts to cry – it’s happy sad.
RICHARD
Last I checked, being an executor doesn’t require a whole lot of brain power–
(stopping himself)
Sorry. I’m going to let you have your moment.
RICHARD reaches into his breast pocket. He

pulls out a check and hands it to LAURA.
LAURA
What’s this for?
RICHARD
Pop gave it to me. For David’s treatment. But I hadn’t filled it out or cashed it, yet.
78

LAURA
Oh.
RICHARD
So it won’t affect the distribution of the estate. You can just rip it up.
LAURA
Shit. SHIT.
(begrudgingly)
It shouldn’t come out of your half. The last time we spoke…I tried to talk him out of it. But
Pop was adamant. He wanted to do this for David. And I guess I wouldn’t be a very good
executor if I ignored his explicit wishes.
RICHARD
You sure?
LAURA
Yes.
RICHARD
Well, thank you–
LAURA
(echoing OSCAR)
Yeah, yeah, yeah…
They return to their boxes. RICHARD opens

a folder. He sees something.
RICHARD (cont’d)
Son of a bitch…
LAURA
What?
RICHARD removes a Playbill from the box.
LAURA (cont’d)
What is that?
RICHARD
(amused)
The playbill from Oklahoma! at the St. James theatre.
Beat. RICHARD looks up toward the ceiling.
79

RICHARD
I won.
80

11.
That evening. A hospital room. DAVID is

asleep in bed. He is hooked up to a nearby
“Christmas Tree” (an IV covered in medicine
bags) via several lines. There is a heart
monitor nearby. Compression boots are on
his lower legs. LAURA sits nearby, reading a
book.
DAVID opens his eyes. He looks around the

room. He sees LAURA.
DAVID
(a bit hoarse)
Hey you.
LAURA looks up from her book.
LAURA
Hey. I’d give you a hug, but I’m afraid I’ll break you. What’s wrong with your throat?
DAVID
They took out my NG tube.
LAURA
What is that?
DAVID
It’s this long tube that goes up your nose, down the back of your throat, and into your
stomach.
LAURA
That sounds awful.
DAVID
I don’t miss it.
LAURA moves her chair over to the side of

his bed.
LAURA
My brother went to his office for a few hours.
81

DAVID
(worried)
Is he really behind?
LAURA
He’s fine.
DAVID takes LAURA’s hand.
DAVID
I’m so sorry about Oscar.
LAURA
I’m sad you didn’t get to see him again.
DAVID
Me too. Me too.
(pause)
I think he was watching over me, though. During my surgery. My guardian angel.
LAURA
You know I don’t believe in guardian angels, but…what the hell. It sounds nice. I’ll go with
it. Can you imagine my father in one of those long, flowy white gowns? Golden wings?
DAVID tries.
DAVID
I honestly can’t.
LAURA
Me neither. I can’t even picture him without shoes on. My whole life, I don’t think I ever
saw his bare feet.
Beat.
DAVID
I’ve missed you, Laura.
LAURA
I’ve missed you, too.
DAVID
I’m sorry I didn’t…keep in touch. With you and Oscar.
(beat)
At the time, I just felt like I needed to make a clean break.
82

LAURA
I know. I didn’t take it personally. And I blamed my brother.
(beat)
Where’s your boy?
DAVID
I hope at home doing his homework. He’ll be by tomorrow so you can meet him after the
funeral.
LAURA
Richard adores him.
DAVID
Really? Richard said that?
LAURA
I mean, it’s Richard, so, no. He called Josh a pain in the ass. But I could tell.
DAVID takes this in, touched.
DAVID
Where’s Matt?
LAURA
He’s back in Hong Kong.
DAVID
He isn’t coming for the funeral–
LAURA
No. He wanted to, but…there’s just too much–there’s a lot going on right now.
Beat.
DAVID
When does he leave for Shanghai?
LAURA
Richard told you?
Pause.
DAVID
Um…no?
83

LAURA
It’s ok.
(beat)
Next month.
DAVID
I don’t get it. How could a judge–
LAURA
He felt it was in Matt’s best interest.
DAVID
How is taking a child away from his mother in his best interest? Can you appeal the ruli–
LAURA
No, that’s not…
(beat)
…possible.
(long beat)
There was no ruling, David. A judge didn’t make the decision. I agreed to let Matt go with
his dad.
DAVID
What? Why?
LAURA
Because he asked me to. Matt asked to go with his father.
DAVID
Oh.
LAURA
Yeah.
(beat)
All this time, I thought I was doing such a good job…playing the part. You know? Like as
long as I showed up to all the recitals and science fairs…. as long as I saved every piece of
crappy art he brought home from school–if I just did all the things that a mom is supposed
to do, all the things that my mom did for us…he wouldn’t figure me out.
DAVID
Figure you out…?
LAURA
I love Matt more than anything, but I’m not…my mother. It came so easily for her…it just
was her. She was a mom. And I’m…not. I have to work at it. And, on some level, I guess
Matt must have felt that, and–
84

DAVID
Laura, honey, I mean this with love…
(pause)
I don’t think Matt’s decision has anything to do with you. He grew up in Shanghai. He
probably missed his old friends, his old school. And, honestly, I think it’s a good thing – a
really good thing that Matt felt comfortable telling you what he wanted. That he wasn’t
worried about hurting your feelings. That he doesn’t feel…responsible for you.
LAURA
(half-hearted)
Yeah, I guess.
Beat. The following is slow. DAVID has to

swallow periodically.
DAVID (cont’d)
When Josh first came to live with me he was so…clingy. When he started first grade, he’d
throw these awful, violent tantrums when I’d drop him off at school. He wouldn’t let me
leave. I think he was afraid I wouldn’t come back. And so I–very much against his teacher’s
wishes–started to stick around. For an hour or two, at first. Pretty soon I was staying the
whole day. I’d sit in the corner and read a book. Work on my laptop. And at lunch we’d eat
together, and at recess I’d play with him. And one day, we’re sitting eating lunch together,
and Josh keeps looking over at this group of kids. They’re playing some game. And I ask
him, Josh, do you want to go sit with those kids? And I can see that he wants to, he really
wants to…but he just shakes his head and keeps eating. And I realize, oh shit. He’s worried
about leaving me. He could feel how lonely I was. I missed Richard. And you. And Oscar.
And so I was clinging to Josh just as hard as he had been clinging to me. The next morning I
dropped him off and left. And he threw tantrums for a week, but by the end of the month?
He’d cry when I picked him up. He didn’t want to leave his new friends.
Beat. LAURA kisses his hand.
LAURA
But he still went home with you.
85

12.
The next day. David’s hospital room. Late

morning. DAVID sits upright in bed. There
are a few less tubes, and the compression
boots are gone. David’s voice is a little better.
RICHARD, wearing a dark suit and yarmulke,

fixes his tie in a mirror on the wall. DAVID
watches him.
DAVID
Your suit looks good.
RICHARD
I didn’t remember to get it dry-cleaned until 6 am this morning. You know, it’s funny. I
thought it would be so easy making the arrangements. I’d just do whatever we did for my
mom. But I couldn’t remember what we did. And then I realized, oh right. It’s because you
made all the arrangements for her funeral.
DAVID
That’s not true.
RICHARD looks at DAVID.
DAVID (cont’d)
Ok, it’s sort of true. I also messed up a few things. Remember the roses?
RICHARD
You ordered, what? 200 white roses?
DAVID
Someone forgot to tell me that flowers aren’t customary.
RICHARD
And you told pop you wanted to have them made into ornaments?
DAVID
And your father said to me…
(imitating Oscar)
“You want to take flowers from a Jewish funeral and turn them into Christmas ornaments?”
DAVID laughs. He quickly winces.
RICHARD
You alright?
86

DAVID nods. He picks up his phone.
DAVID
Shoot. She isn’t going to make it in time.
RICHARD
(nonchalant)
Who? In time for what?
DAVID
No, it’s just I asked my friend Lucy to bring some black ribbon. But she’s running late and I
know you have to leave soon, so–
RICHARD
Are you talking about for Kriah? Don’t worry about it. The Rabbi gives us ribbons at the
synagogue.
DAVID
I know, but I wanted to tear one. For Oscar. Since I can’t be at the funeral, I just wanted to
do something, you know? To pay my respects.
RICHARD
You’re really meant to tear a piece of your clothing. It’s supposed to be this like… primal,
unbridled demonstration of your grief.
(beat)
Pop did it for his father when he died. I remember it shocked me as a little boy. Watching
him rip his good shirt.
DAVID grips the side bar on his bed. He

slowly moves his body to the edge of the
mattress.
RICHARD
What is it? What do you need?
DAVID
You’re supposed to stand.
RICHARD
It’s ok, you don’t have to–
DAVID
I’d like to.
87

With much effort, RICHARD helps DAVID

up onto his feet. RICHARD places a nearby
walker in front of DAVID to lean on.
RICHARD
(looking around the room)
We need a knife or something to get the tear started…
DAVID
I have some toenail clippers in my dopp kit?
RICHARD exits into the bathroom. He

returns holding up the clippers triumphantly.
RICHARD
Aha! Just like King David used in Israel.
RICHARD removes his suit jacket, and makes

a small cut in his shirt, over his heart. He does
the same on DAVID’s gown.
RICHARD brings his hands to the cut on his

shirt – he pauses.
RICHARD
There’s a blessing you recite…
(pause)
I can’t remember it.
DAVID
It’s ok.
DAVID closes his eyes. A moment of silence.
DAVID rips his gown.
RICHARD, with his eyes open, rips his shirt.
DAVID opens his eyes.
DAVID
(softly)
Goodbye Oscar.
The men share a glance.

88

RICHARD helps DAVID back into his

hospital bed. DAVID lays back, breathing
heavily. RICHARD takes a seat bedside.
DAVID (cont’d)
I’m supposed to feel like I just got run over by a truck, right? That’s normal?
RICHARD nods.
RICHARD
That’s normal.
(beat)
I wanted to let you know -- I took the next three weeks off. After that, I worked it out so I
only have to go into the hospital two days a week. Until you’re back up on your feet. I was
thinking we could hire Terri–my dad’s caregiver.
DAVID
I remember Terri–
RICHARD
–to come on the days I have to go into the hospital–
DAVID
Richard, this is such a generous offer, but…
(beat)
You’ve already taken so much time off from work. And my friends put together a whole task
force to help me when I get home. They’re going to do the laundry, cook meals, drive Josh
to school–
RICHARD
(taken aback)
Oh. I didn’t know–
DAVID
I just wanted to give you a break–
RICHARD
I don’t need a break. But if that’s what you’d prefer–
DAVID
No, it’s just you’ve already been so generous, and–
RICHARD
Would you stop saying that? You make it sound like you’re my charity case.
89

DAVID
I don’t want you to feel obligated, that’s all.
RICHARD
Thanks for the concern.
DAVID
Richard–
RICHARD
It’s fine. Glad you’ll have the help.
RICHARD stands and heads toward the door.
DAVID
Will you and Laura come by after? Please?
RICHARD
Sure.
RICHARD pauses in the door frame. Without

turning around–
RICHARD
For the record…I don’t feel obligated. I don’t.
Before DAVID can respond, RICHARD is

out the door.
DAVID puts his hand over the tear in his

gown.
90

13.
That evening. DAVID’s hospital room. JOSH

covers the mirror hanging on the wall with a
scarf. DAVID is out of his hospital bed,
sitting in a wheelchair.
JOSH
Why do they cover the mirrors?
DAVID
I think, if I remember correctly, it’s to encourage inner reflection. So you’re not consumed
with your outward appearance while you’re mourning.
JOSH
Should we get flowers?
DAVID
No. No flowers. I learned that the hard way. I ordered flowers for Dorothy’s funeral.
JOSH
Who’s Dorothy?
DAVID
Dorothy was Oscar’s wife. Richard’s mom.
JOSH
You’re not supposed to have flowers at the funeral?
DAVID
No.
JOSH
Party fail.
DAVID
Epic party fail.
Beat.
JOSH
So you and Richard must have been pretty close, huh? If you were like ordering flowers for
his mom’s funeral…
(beat)
Were you best friends?
91

Pause.
DAVID
He was my best friend. Yes.
JOSH
Was he your boyfriend?
(off DAVID’s nod)
Why did you guys stop…hanging out?
DAVID
We wanted different things.
JOSH
What kind of things?
DAVID
Big adult life things.
(trying to stay casual)
Do you like Richard, Josh?
JOSH
He’s alright. He’s better than douchey Darren.
DAVID
Please don’t say douchey.
JOSH
I thought I was allowed to say it in reference to Darren.
Before DAVID can respond, RICHARD and

LAURA enter.
JOSH (cont’d)
Shalom! That’s Jewish for hello.
RICHARD
Jewish isn’t a – never mind.
DAVID
How was the service?
LAURA sits down in a chair, removing her

high heels.
92

LAURA
Like 10 minutes long. I think the rabbi was on speed.
DAVID
Was there a reception after?
RICHARD
No. We just went out to dinner with the cousins.
DAVID
Laura, this is my son Josh. Josh, this is Richard’s sister–
JOSH
You’re Dick’s sister?!
DAVID
Joshua.
LAURA laughs.
LAURA
I used to call him Dicky Wicky when we were little.
RICHARD
I really wish you hadn’t shared that−
JOSH
Dicky Wicky! That’s awesome.
RICHARD
(to LAURA)
Thank you. For that.
DAVID
(excited)
So we–Josh and I–have a little surprise…Josh, bring me that bag.
JOSH hands DAVID a large grocery bag.
DAVID (cont’d)
I asked my friend Lucy to pick some things up…
DAVID removes a tall, thin, flameless electric

candle. He turns it on, and places it on his
night stand.
93

DAVID (cont’d)
It’s supposed to be a Shiva candle. I thought we could sit a little makeshift Shiva for Oscar.
Maybe we could each share a story about him?
JOSH
Can I make up a story about Oscar?
DAVID
No. You can listen.
(beat)
I also asked her to get yarmulkes…I think she was confused.
DAVID pulls out a stack of pointy paper

party hats from the bag.
LAURA
I’ll take one!
JOSH
Me too.
LAURA and JOSH put on party hats.
DAVID
Ok, who wants to go first?
JOSH raises his hand.
DAVID (cont’d)
Besides Josh.
(beat)
Actually, can I go first?
LAURA
Sure.
DAVID
So one of my favorite Oscar memories is from the day I met him. Richard and I were in
Great Neck, and I’m really nervous, and we sit down in that little room off the living room−
LAURA
The sunroom. It’s where my mom kept all her dead plants.
94

DAVID
–and Dorothy goes to the kitchen, to get lunch ready, and I think Richard, you were upstairs,
changing a lightbulb or something? And so Oscar and I are alone, and I’m trying to come up
with something to talk about, and all of a sudden, out of the blue, he says to me, “Did you
know Richard’s friend Jerry?” And then he just starts going off about how much he hated
Jerry. And I’m eating it up, cause Richard never talks about Jerry. And so I’m asking Oscar
all these questions about Jerry, and Richard comes back downstairs and finds me and his
father basically gossiping about his ex-boyfriend and he’s completely–
RICHARD
Horrified.
DAVID
And then Dorothy comes in with a tray of like really stale crackers and what looks like moldy
dip–
LAURA
(overlapping him)
She didn’t believe in expiration dates–
DAVID
–and hears us talking about Jerry, and Dorothy–whom I don’t think I ever heard say a bad
word about anyone–says, “I never liked his shoes.”
LAURA
Oh, yeah, his shoes were the worst. Jerry wore these like super tacky rhinestone cowboy
boots.
RICHARD
They didn’t have rhinestones.
(to JOSH)
Man, this poor guy. The vitriol that my family has spewed at him…
LAURA
(to JOSH)
It’s kind of like a sport in our family. Hating Jerry.
DAVID
And when we left that night, as we’re walking out the door, Oscar says to Richard, “I already
like him more than Jerry.”
JOSH
I wonder where Jerry is today.
LAURA
In Miami. With a super annoying looking Chihuahua.
95

RICHARD
How do you know that?
LAURA
Facebook.
RICHARD
You need hobbies.
LAURA
Facebook is a hobby.
JOSH
I bet Jerry wasn’t as bad as Darren.
LAURA
Who’s Darren?
JOSH
This douchbag my dad dated for a few months–
DAVID RICHARD
No, no, no, Josh, let’s not– No, I’d love to hear more about Darren–
who wants to go next? Laura?
Do you have a story about Oscar?
JOSH
Is eating a part of Shiva? Cause I’m starving.
LAURA
Me too.
RICHARD
We just ate dinner.
LAURA
I know. But I wanted dessert.
RICHARD
So why didn’t you order dessert?
LAURA
Because no one else ordered dessert. So then I felt like I shouldn’t get dessert.
JOSH
You should always get dessert.
96

LAURA
I know.
RICHARD hands LAURA his car keys.
RICHARD
Why don’t you take Josh out? There’s a 24-hour diner down the street.
LAURA
Works for me. How ‘bout you, kid?
JOSH
I am so down.
LAURA and JOSH head toward the door.
JOSH
(to LAURA)
Can I drive?
LAURA
Sure.
RICHARD DAVID
No, he can’t. He doesn’t have a license.
LAURA and JOSH exit.
Beat. RICHARD and DAVID regard each

other.
RICHARD
Do you remember that big tree that was in front of my mom’s plot?
DAVID
Vaguely?
RICHARD
They cut it down. Now she and pop have a clear view to the ocean.
DAVID
How lovely.
97

RICHARD
Yeah. I guess. And strange. The Rabbi’s reciting a prayer, the casket’s being lowered, and I’m
looking out at the ocean. It felt so wrong. Pop hated sand. He never went in the ocean. He
wanted to be buried on Long Island with a view of the beautiful Southern State Parkway.
(beat)
Pop had this dream. About a week ago. And I guess it kept reoccurring–that’s what Terri
told me–up until the night he died.
DAVID
What was the dream?
RICHARD
He was back in our old house. My mom was there. Laura and I were there, too. He’d wake
up from it, each time, thinking he was still in Great Neck. And when we told him that he
wasn’t, that it was just a dream, he’d want to go back to sleep. Back there. I was thinking
today, at the funeral …isn’t that kind of nice? If that’s what happens at the end, in the days
before you die. You go back to somewhere you loved, surrounded by people you loved. And
I started wondering, where would I want to go back to? Who would be there? And I kept
seeing your kitchen, sitting with Josh at the table, showing him how to do, I don’t know,
surgery on a banana, watching you set up the taco bar…
(beat)
I didn’t want to share you. With someone else. The prospect of a kid scared me because you
fit so perfectly into my life. You didn’t demand too much of me. You were always so
accommodating. And I didn’t think I had room for someone else…the capacity to make
room. And then you left, and I had more space than I knew what to do with, and you know
how it felt, most of the time? Lonely. Really empty. Even more so, now, looking back.
(pause)
If you think that you and Josh could make room for me…
A long beat.
DAVID
Can I show you something?
RICHARD nods. DAVID reaches into the
grocery bag and pulls out a photo album.
DAVID opens the album. Points to a picture.
DAVID (cont’d)
That’s our first photo together. Me and Josh. The day I picked him up.
RICHARD comes up behind DAVID to get a

better look.
RICHARD
Look at his haircut.
98

DAVID
I know. The bowl.
RICHARD
My mom used to give me that haircut. She’d literally just plop a bowl on top of my head and
trim along the edge.
DAVID points to another picture.
DAVID.
(points to another picture)
This is the day Josh met my mom.
RICHARD
Look at Nancy.
DAVID
Two seconds later he spilled juice all over her blouse. She spent the rest of the afternoon
trying to get it out before the stain set. Totally ignoring her new grandson.
The lights begin to fade. RICHARD puts his

hands on DAVID’s shoulders.
DAVID (cont’d)
That’s Josh sobbing in front of his first grade classroom…that’s him as a train conductor for
Halloween…there we are at the park…
They continue looking at the album together.

DAVID reaches up and places his hand over
RICHARD’s.
As they fall back into each other…
End of Play.
99

Your Best One 01.05.19 CAP REP FINAL

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Your Best One 01.05.19 CAP REP FINAL

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Your Best One

Time & Place

Early-mid 2010s. California and Hong Kong.

Late afternoon. A modest, two story

Silence. DAVID stares at RICHARD.

DAVID and RICHARD regard each other.

DAVID makes a tiny space between his

An uncomfortable silence. Richard

Beat. DAVID grabs the coffee pot.

Beat. As DAVID refills RICHARD’s mug:

Long beat. DAVID looks like he might say

Gut-punched, RICHARD quickly looks away.

DAVID gestures at RICHARD.

The SOUND of the front door OPENING.

JOSH (off stage)

JOSH appears in the kitchen, wearing a

JOSH and DAVID look at RICHARD.

JOSH imitates Joe Pesci, waving an imaginary

Beat. RICHARD looks at DAVID.

JOSH leaves the kitchen. Beat.

RICHARD grabs his jacket and starts to leave

RICHARD wasn’t expecting that.

RICHARD moves in for a hug but gets cold

Left alone in the kitchen, DAVID exhales

He looks happy. All of it. A beat. Then he

A few days later. An apartment at an assisted

RICHARD sits on the couch. He is on his

OSCAR (off stage)

OSCAR (off stage)

RICHARD places the phone on the table and

OSCAR (off stage)

RICHARD (off stage)

The sound of RICHARD helping

OSCAR shuffles into the living room, pushing

RICHARD hands the phone to OSCAR, and

Richard calls from the kitchen:

LAURA acts like someone just walked into

LAURA abruptly hangs up, the light on her

As OSCAR brings the phone close to his face,

Taking the phone from OSCAR, RICHARD

He hands OSCAR a napkin, which Oscar

OSCAR glares at Richard.

RICHARD exits back into the kitchen.

RICHARD picks up the remote from the

RICHARD presses two buttons and the

RICHARD grabs Oscar’s now empty plate

RICHARD (from the kitchen)

Oscar continues eating his sandwich,

A week later. DAVID’s kitchen.

RICHARD and JOSH sit across from each

His phone dings. JOSH glances at the screen.

RICHARD smiles. Silence.

The sound of the front door opening.

DAVID enters the kitchen, carrying several

JOSH starts to exit the kitchen.

JOSH rolls his eyes and sighs loudly. He

The SOUND of him BOUNDING up a

They regard each other for a moment.

Two weeks later. LAX airport. We HEAR the

A long beat. RICHARD laughs.

LAURA stares at him, hurt and furious. After

And she’s off. RICHARD watches her go,

Two-weeks later. David’s kitchen.