A Parent’s Guide to Meeting Milestones and Managing Stress Along the Way

STRESSORS YOU FACE AND HOW YOU CAN COPE

Hey Dad.

Gone are the days where fathers were just providers. Due to societal pressures, the ideal

fathers are now described as responsible, nurturing, involved, and invested in spending

time with their children (Wall & Arnold, 2007). Fathers have nearly tripled their time with

children since 1965 (Parker & Wang, 2013). With this increase in time spent with children,

fathers are feeling more and more pressure to become “perfect”. In this blog, we will

discuss some of the pressures and stressors you as a father may find yourselves facing. We

will also be providing ways to help overcome those challenges.

This week we wanted to shake things up a bit. I wanted to get some insight from the very

best father I know, my husband (sorry dad, you are a very close second). After putting our

baby to bed, we sat together and talked about my husband’s role in our family and how he

feels about it.

Check out the video here!

Maybe you feel similar to Jake in the pressure to provide financially and the need to find a

balance in your time. Maybe you miss working out like you used to when you consistently

got a full night’s rest. Maybe you struggle with the desire to spend time with your wife and

children, but also need some YOU time, outside of work. We get that. So, lock the bathroom

door (yes, we know you took your phone in with you) and take time to yourself to read

more of this week’s blog. It’s all about you after all!
A Father’s Impact on Child Development

First off Dad, we want to thank you. We know you have a lot on your plate and that

fatherhood is no easy task. The impact you have on your children is unique and important.

You are a vital part of your child’s development! Research has found that fatherlessness

(children growing up without a father in the home) is the central reason for decline in the

quality of a child’s life (Lamb, 1996). This means your influence is a big deal! Your baby may

reach for mom when they’re sad, look to her for food, or say “mama” as their first word (not

in my case, my baby’s first word was “dada” :/ ), but you are just as needed and just as

loved. Let us prove it to you further.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, one in four children in the U.S. grow up without a

father. The Department of Health and Human Services reports that children without a

father in the home are four times more likely to experience poverty and are far more likely

to abuse drugs and alcohol. Children who grow up without a father show higher levels of

aggressive behavior and violence; a rise in crime rates and fatherless homes parallel each

other (Lamb, 1996). Your involvement decreases behavioral problems and increases

cognitive development in your children (Yogman & Garfield, 2016).

My baby is a total mama’s boy. I am the first one he looks to for comfort, food, snuggles,

kisses, all the cute things. But as soon as dad walks in the door from work, it’s play time and

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I’m chopped liver. His dad playfully (and gently) slams him down on the couch for tickles,

throws him high in the air, chases him around the house while growling like a monster, all

while mom cringes and hopes no one breaks anything. Fathers are more likely to engage in

rough housing and more aggressive play when interacting with their children (Yogman &

Garfield, 2016), which is a GREAT thing. In fact, it is crucial to building independence,

curiosity, and self-esteem (Yogman & Garfield, 2016).

It was found that fathers play a significant role in the language development of their

children (Yogman & Garfield, 2016). Mothers are more likely to converse with their child by

using terms the child is comfortable with, whereas fathers will introduce words and

phrases that are new and more difficult (Yogman & Garfield, 2016). This helps peak the

child’s curiosity, grow their vocabulary, and advance their language skills.

Stereotypes of Fatherhood

Media often depict fathers or men as disengaged family members who cannot complete

tasks expected. If we are exposed to something so often, we make the mistake of believing

it to be reality. This is a harmful depiction of men and fathers that needs to be stopped.

Hatfield (2018) recommends changing our conversations on how we speak about fathers.

Here are three things we should avoid when having conversations about fathers:

● Asking if they are giving moms a break when they’re watching their child. Both

parents are equally responsible for the care of their child.

● Assuming the house will “fall apart” when children are left with their fathers. Fathers

are capable of watching them without that happening!

● Being amazed that a father changed the child’s diapers or dressed them.

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Missing Out on Milestones

Your child has just been born and you’re lucky if you had at least two days to soak it all in. If

your wife is working, it might also seem unfair that she has maternity leave while you have

to return to work. Let’s say your boss did allow you to take more than just a few days off

work. That sounds like a dream, but then you remember all the bills you need to pay. After

all, you did just have a baby and that alone is a large financial burden.

Employers can help increase father involvement at home by:

● Offering flexible work schedules.

● Creating a positive company culture where their employees uplift parents in their

roles rather than fathers experiencing a stigma at work for prioritizing family needs.

● Offering remote work.

● Put employees in teams, so fathers can have people to rely on.

What Can You Do to Relieve Stress?

The transition into fatherhood significantly decreases the physical health of males (Torche

& Rauf, 2021). What on Earth could be the cause…? Stress, perhaps? Yes. Parenting stress

influences the identity you find in fatherhood (Knoester & Petts, 2017). Let’s make sure that

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identity is one full of positivity. Be as involved as possible in your children’s lives, and make

sure to take time to enjoy hobbies that you made time for before fatherhood. We challenge

you to make a list of things you want to do this week that will make you feel like a less

stressed-out dad. Here are some suggestions to get your own brainstorm going.

● Do something you enjoy!

○ Cook, bake, write, read, fish, anything that brings you joy.

● Exercise. Hit up the gym or go on a run.

● Take your children outside and play.

● See a counselor to talk about stress

● Ask for help when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Support from loved ones, especially

your wife, is the number one way to decrease parenting stress (Knoester & Petts,

2017).

● Work with your family to schedule time together after work so you don’t feel like

you’re missing out.

What Can Others Do to Help?

It does take a village to raise a child, but the support of that village is also for you. Whether

it’s your wife, friends, family, or even co-workers, you rely on them for support in being a

better dad. Here are some tips for all of us, no matter the role we play in someone's life,

that can support fathers and relieve the stressors they face.

For Wives

● Thank your husband for the work he does at his job or around the house

● Compliment him on his qualities and characteristics that make him a great dad and

husband

● Give him time to himself that he can do something he enjoys.

● Plan time together as a family doing something he enjoys.

● Get a babysitter and plan a date night.

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 ● Get up early with the kids on a Saturday and let him sleep in (as long as he returns

the favor next week!)

● Make dinner or dessert together after the kids go to bed.

● Play a game or work on a puzzle while you talk to each other about your day.

● Give him some one-on-one time with your children to bond and play.

● Call him on his commute home from work to talk about his day.

For Friends and Family

● Plan a group date.

● Invite him for a guy’s night.

● Offer to watch the kids while mom and dad spend time together.

● Babysit for mom and dad while they do things independently for some time to

themselves.

● As a co-worker, you can help with his workload allowing him to get home to his

family on time.

● Send an encouraging text.

● Give him a call to catch up and share your appreciation.

Next Up

As you prioritize family life, you will experience much stress. Do not let that get to you. You

have an amazing family and friends to help you along the way. Assuming that you are

married, as you work together you will help build a healthy environment for your child.

However, you probably know by now that marriage is also a work in progress. That is why

on our next blog we will be discussing coping strategies for marital stress and how you can

help strengthen your relationships.

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 Resources

Knoester, C., & Petts, R. J. (2017). Fathers' parenting stress after the arrival of a new child.

Family Relations, 66(3), 367–382. https://doi.org/10.1111/fare.12263

Lamb, M. E., & Blankenhorn, D. (1996). Fatherless america: Confronting our most urgent

social problem. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 58(2), 526.

https://doi.org/10.2307/353515

Torche, F., & Rauf, T. (2020). The transition to fatherhood and the health of men. Journal of

Marriage and Family, 83(2), 446–465. https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12732

Wall, G., & Arnold, S. (2007). How involved is involved fathering?: An exploration of the

contemporary culture of fatherhood. Gender & Society, 21, 508–527

Yağan Güder, S., & Ata, S. (2018). Father Involvement, Gender Perception and Children's

Gender Stereotypes. Universal Journal of Educational Research, 6(8), 1637–1646.

https://doi.org/10.13189/ujer.2018.060802

Yogman, M., & Garfield, C. F. (2016). Fathers roles in the care and development of their

children: The role of pediatricians. PEDIATRICS, 138(1).

https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2016-1128