STEPHEN AOLY GUIRGIS CHARACTERS Victos, Italian-Am Balthazar, Latino, mi Rooftop, Aftican-Ametican, mid-Forties Father Lux, white, mid-seventies Flip, African-American, thirty-seven Gail, white, thirty-seven Ince, African-American, Norea, Latina, lae thirties Edwin, Latino, late thirties thirties ‘ACT I: LATE MORNING Scene 1: Ortiz Funeral Home, Main viewing room. Balthazar and Vie stand in front of an empty casket. ‘vic: What kinda fuckin’ world is thi paLrHazan: Mmm. vic: I mean, am I alone here?! BALTHAZAL Rose ever do ‘vic: What did she ever do anyway, bul on this earch bur be a fuckit sacrilege! to deserve this BALTHAZAR: Sister Rose was a good woman. ‘vic: There are limits—I dont give shic! Maybe you grew up in a godless jungle, bue I remember when the world was not this ‘And this? This is not the world! sacriazan: Okay. ‘vic: Her fuckin’ father, he should rot in hell! That’ first off! ‘Demons should shit in his mouth daily, the Irish punkt Dorit take much guts to beat on a woman, ya get me?‘ STEPHEN ADLY GUIRGIS BALTHAZAR: | wasnit aware of her his y— vic: Why you think she became a nun anyway, beautiful ‘needle exchange,” “alcoholic drunk rank” she “stop the violence” that? All chat thar person? Sure. But she donned the habit because she was terrified of and all chem programs was a way to atone for the sins of her fuckin’ piece-of-dire Shanty-Irish Mick-fuck father! paurisazan: Hey, what's your name? vic: My name? atrtiazar: Yeah, friend, tell me your name, ve: Ie’ Viewor. Why? sarrHazar: You wanna drink, Vie? A little nip? Take the edge off? vic: I prefer to keep my edge on, pal. (oaurniazan drinks from a helfpint bore) natrmiazan: Gotta ask you about your pants, Vic. vic: My pants? satriixzan: You are aware that you're noc wearing pants? vic: Of course I’m aware—they stole em! acrnixzan: Where'd you sleep ight, Viee (OUR LADY OF 1215T STREET 7 ‘vic: I slept here lastnight, and my name is Victor, not Vic. patnazan: That's quite uncommon, isnt it? A mourner sleeping over at a wake? vic: What are you, a cop? auruazar: No, Vic, [ma farmer. I came here to sell some eggs. vie: You accusing me of something?! patrnazar: I'm sorry. I’m not accusing, sir, just, I get a call, 1 ‘come here, there's a man ranting in his underwear, a missing corpse, no sign of forced entry—and its not the corpse of Ned the Wino or Bobo the Clown that’s been stolen, it's our Sister Rose, sit. Sister Rose, ‘vic: Look, I came aver in the mornin’ yesterday, it was a fuckin’ porces, screaming! cossed the funeral guy a couple hundred bucks ... I wanted, I needed a little time, allt paureazan: Okey. vie: I knew her my whole life since we were six, for Christ sake, paurnazan: I understand. ‘vnc: These fuckin’ people, yesterday? Some of them showin’ up in dirty jeans and T-shi i Little kids with video: games makin’ loud eler I mean, “What goes on saw onc mothahfuckah kneelin’ in front of Rose's casket, hes prayin’, then his fuckin’ cell phone goes off and he... he fuckin’ answers itt! Has a goddamn conversa-‘ STEPHEN ADLY GuIRGIS whar the fuck is that, mister? Can you tell me?! Cuz Vm at a loss over here— auritazan: Grief takes different forms. ‘ro: That aint grief! T don't know what the fuck thet is, bu ie ain't ariel! baurtazan: I once knew a guy—hey now, vic: Vm here, ‘auTHazan: True Story: I once knew a guy, a coupla detectives went to his apartment to informn him that his son had been raped and ‘murdered in the playground up on a hundred thirty-seventh — vic: Jesus. - sauraazan: You know what his reaction was? And keep in mind this is a man who loved his son deatly, okay? His reaction was: He wouldnt leave the house to I.D. the body until after the Knicks game was over... Iewas “the playofls,” he said. They watched the whole fourch quarter together in silence. He served them ham sandwiches with warm beer. And this isa man who lived ... for his son. (onxraazan takes another swig fom his bottle) >atrHazan: Iam going to close this casket now. You are going to 0 outside and speak to my partner. He will secure you a new pair of pants. Where you live, Vie? Brooklyn? Queens? vic: Staten Island, (OUR LADY OF 12157 STREET waurnuazan: Well have a squad car drive you home : Pm here for the duration. savrusazAr: Okay. Crime Scene needs to work through this room now, Vie. When theyre done, the room will be open again, Okay? BaxritazaR: My partner's outside in front of a black-and: Ford. Ya can’t miss him, he's Chinese and he walks with a P. pronounced ic: For the record, I had 1 pacritazan: I dont think that you did. vie: Juse make sure you catch the mothahfucksh. Bauriazan: Sister Rose was my teacher, [liked her very much. vic: Ya know, if Rudy were still in office, this happened—I'm sure of. He wouldnt of too for two seconds. BALTHAZAR: My partner—he's right outside. vic: Right... Say... . Did they ever catch that guy? naxruazan: What guy? ‘ic: The guy who murdered the kid. ‘aurtazan: No . ..No, not yet*0 STEPHEN ADLY GUIRGIS wiches? bauriazan: The guy with the ham sandwiches? vic: Yeah... BatrHtazan: Why? You want one? vic: One what? saxritazan: A ham sandwich, vic: Dol...? BALTHAZAR: It’ a joke, Vic. I'm joking, ‘vic: Nor fanny. Nor fanny stall. ‘Scene 2: The church. Walter “Rooftop” Desmond confesses. RooFror: Bless me, Father, for Lhave sinned... (pause)... a lot, know what I'm sayin? ... Yes, sir...Um ... Are you there, Father? pariter Linc Yes. Roortor: All right, uss checkin’... That you, Father Martin? ariter ux: Uh, no. noorror: Father Cunningham? rarer nic No, th, what ever happened to the guy with the ham sand- paren Lux: Excuse me? | xoorror: I say; where Father Cunningham at? parner ux: Father Cunningham? oorror: Yeah. paTier Lux: Hes—no longer with us. roorror: Father C, you talkin! "bout? paren Luxe Yes. noorror: “No longer with us,” huh? paruter 0x: Yes. oorror: Father C? ‘FATHER Lux: Correct. roorror: He didn't do something “bad,” did he? sqcaten wux: He's dead. noorTor: Dead?! raruter 1ux: With God, yes. noorzor: Well, pardon me, but—why dids’t you just say thar then?12 STEPHEN ADLY GuiReis, our LADY OF 12157 STREET parame tox: What? “xoortor: Right. Well. .. last one been -. noortor: I'm sayin’, if the man’s dead, juss say he dead. cae wun: Yes, “xoorror:, Well... well, ies been... Know what I'm sayin’? Ie Parser unc I did. been been. Definitely been beet. Roorror: Nah, you said “no longer with us"—like ... like a 7 “scandal” or something. q | rarer unt: Okay. my first confession?, that was my last with yall, so, yeah, been 2 while raraer tux: Are you here to make confession, sic? ie Roorror: Yes, am, but Father C was a close, personal friend of mine, and I carve really appreciate— Farner wx: Father Cunningham has been dead for fifteen years, sir, okay?! (Pause) aTHER Lux: What? noorton: Oh... Okay... Soy. aviteR LUX: ... So how long since your last confession? | noortor: Cuz I was hopin’ ta got Father C. Roo#TOP: My last confession? parser wx: Si PATHER LUX: Yes, noorrop: Guess everybody got ta go, right? ‘ROOFTOP: The last one? FATHER LUX: Yes. vari Lane: Yes nooFTo?: Sill, how's a man gonna up and die with no warning? RoorTor: You mean in a church? rarer 117%: Sit— sexsi 1x: In a church, yes. oorror: Send a selegram, sumpthin’: “Might die soon. FYL.”STEPHEN ADLY GUIRGIS later noorror: Hey Father, did you know that Father C one time got hit by a Mack truck bur he was okay? arHtER 10x: Sie— noortor: See, us kids, we was playin’ Booties Up on the sm here, but we was: do, and— naman 0x: Stop. noorror: What, I cant relate a lcte anecdote? PatueR Ux: What you can do, ss, is confess no0FTOP: Confess, hub? parte Lux: Confess your sins, Yes. noortor: Dag, you all business, ain't cha, Father? FATHER 1% Sir— noortor: No prelude nuthin’—justspie it out. Pariten 210 Sir— noorrov: —“Early birds eat apples and worms,” I gotcha—gor sari ruc: Okay standin’ in the stret like fools (OUR LADY OF 1215T STREET s corror: You got a forthright nature, Father—no nonsense—I cespect that in a man, xruer vox: Oh. Well— jorTor: Srill, even Hank Aaron hit a few off the practice tee be- fore he stepped up to the rock—gotta marinate before ya grill, right? © pare 15« This is not a “cookout” sit. = xoortor: No, its not— "parser ux: No charcoal, no anecdotes, no franks and beans— | xoorror: True dat— | rarmier 10x: This is, in fact, a Confessional, sir. A Confessional— not a “Conversational.” Do you understand that distinction? E noortor: I'll keep it moving, grater 10x: Thank you. noorror: Ol. .. ight: So ... So, yeah—I mean, whaddyacallic? The interVenal Sins? pavtter 117: Venal noorror: What? paren Lux: Venal. noortor: Venal yeah—mucho venal. Venal Sins. Dass daly, daily ‘occurrence. Prolly racked up a dozen since I walked up in16 STEPHEN AOLY GUIRGIS. (OUR LADY OF 12157 STREET ” here... And, uh, Mortal Sins? Mortal Sins, Father? I mean, ‘Gan: Flip whae? Flip a pancake? Flip a fappy Flip Flop? “pick a Commandment, any Commandment,” know what Pm s Gail rarier tux: How ‘bout you pick one? ‘gaat: Maybe I should have a special name t00, like ... “Rocky.” uur: Stop it— © cam: could be “Hercules,” grow a beard. a guy—one time girl once... . Say Father, I can't smoke in there was t right? ‘Scene 3: Flip and Gail by the bathroom—midstream sum: Do not act like a faggot! = caus Cursing att: Excuse you? up: I will not have this today, Gaill Do you hear me? Wi have it! Fur: Put your collar down! © att: Will nor have what, Robert? A relationship? A partner? The respect of the man who lies beside you at night? cau: My col ruir: Where'd that scarf come from?! You were not wearing that ure: You know who I am, and you know how I feel about you! scarf when we left the hotel, cau: Do cast: You said we were coming here asa couple, Robert! | se: Dont do this today, Gail. ind! And you know that I changed my rind because I been tellin you all fuckin’ morning, Gail, that changed my fuckin’ mind—so just lose the scarf, do not act like a faggot, and stop calling me fuckin’ “Robert”! ur: And I changed my ‘cat: My friends embraced you, Robert! My patents took you int 1y, Gail, and your parents trumpet my concealed glee ‘cus it makes chem pup: Your friends are al race and sex: feel like be ‘caat: What should I call you? Penelope? ibe usp: Flip, Gaddamnit! For the fifty-eighth time, they call me Flip! cart: Ym going to tell them you said thar!18 STEPHEN AOLY GUIRGIS su: Good. Why don’t you hop on the next plane and tell them in person. ant: Do you really mean thar? Do you? up; You know what? J ain't even tryin’ ca have this conversation! cant: “Ain't even try sup: Dass what I said! coamt: Right, “Assimilation.” Going back ta the “hood,” can’t be You, gotta be someone you never were. rus: Careful now— ruap: Gail— cart: Sunny Waldman de bun: Sunny? She became a morphine-addicted harlot who ended up wandering into the forests of Bavat wolves and jackals—that’s what! D ke a pair of Prada sill pajamas, Robert—the price is just too high! rare: Look, Drama Empress: Jus turn ic down a few notches and bee here for me, Quiet and dignified. Can you do that, yes or not! ‘gait: “Turn it down a few notches”? i: Yes or no, Gaill ast: On my worst day, Pm more mascul even: Nevah mind all that You look s0 good, ed her Jewishness before a Nazi ti- to avoid the death camps—and whee happened co fae Pd att FE rzzr: Cuz Pm lookin’ at you, Inez S to be consumed by (OUR LADY OF 12157 STREET ” © cau: Tam not a drama Empress! | sup: Tam begging you, okay? Begging. than you. peur: Gail ~ att: Tim like a young Al Pacino: intense, soulful— ything, Gaill And you certainly, up: Oh, you arena “you certainly, sive no Al Pacino! (ovez. exits bathroom.) Nez: Flip Johnson, shit! Is that rally your? you're lookin’ too how long its been? look so good? mez: Aw, Who's this man, pur: Ab, Inez, I'd like you to meet my colleague, chs is— att: Goliath, Goliath Muscleton. avez: Goliath, huh? sup: Goliath is one of my partners at che firm.20 STEPHEN ADLY GUIRGIS sez: [gues chngs mus be prety progresive out thee in Wise consi. Maybe I should move there. att: Whae do you mean? vwex: I mean, a black man and a gay man, partners in che sume fic — Fup: I'm not gay, Iner. wvez: Pm not talkin’ ‘bout you, honey, here. (To can.) Now you stay away from my man now, girk— iar: Say. How's Rooftop doin’? Ez: Oh, Me and Walter divorced fifteen years now, baby. Lhope the bastard’ go sukemia, ‘cat: (To avez) So Look gay to you, but “Hip” doesnt? I wonder why thac is? ur: Maybe ‘cuz you homosexual, and I'm not. (Ts nvez) Now how's that for a theory? sz: Sounds good to me. Anyway, I'm gettin’ ready to move on, Filip. I gotta go meet Norca before che wake. utp: Nasty Norea? How is she? wz: Fucked up and forgotten, so Tim told... Havent seen her in years, awe: “Do a cow got /yazz You done Gone Country up there in Wisconsin, ain (ouR LADY OF 12187 STREET nur: Now, why’ that? sz: Cuz she slept wit’ Walter, fckin’ ho. sup: Say what?! tz: Please. Walter cherry-popped every Jordache bubble-bute from Ninecy-sixth on up, served me right to be so damn naive... Comin’ home with tar stains all on his sweatpants. Pigeon feathers. And ca think, I thought yall called him, “Rooftop” “cuz he was tall....We gonna have a drink tonight, baby? »: Shit, “Do a cow gor mez: Do a cow gor what?! “Lips,” Pip?! sup: Ies, ie’ an expression ‘Oh, Flip Johnson, you are just so cute ass self alive— Tcould eat your li ur: You know how we do— aut: Yee-haw. ?—T'm a havera try thet one out on my mez: “Do a cow peoples in Bed-Stuy! ur: Anyway—conight baby, after ifs you, me, and a pitcher a rmargaritas—and Pl be lookin’ forward to that, ip» do I look old? vez: Allright then .22 STEPHEN ADLY cuIRGIS ‘uk LADY OF 121ST STREET ur: Girl, you're The Fountain of Yout i in of Youth. want to know what you meant by that. ez; Thank you, Well, nice to meet you, Ulysses. wo: Gait! euiP: Goliath, ‘Because if you're inferring that I'm not a good actor— 12: Shame about Sister Rose, huh? I heard they found her on »: Gail, I just gor some unsettling news. the curb, : So did I. According to you, I cant act! ure: Heart attack? 17: Why are you talking about this 127; Alcohol, ” you said “certainly, cer- tains” like, “Oh, certainly, cor Fur: What? az: Yeah, now they can't find her ar all 1: Go back to the hotel, Gail! rum: How you mean? iaaaee * cas I dont wane to be with somebody who doesrt respect what Ido! iNzz: They stole her body and'the pants off a white man, “ puzp: Oh, yeah?! Well, you're a fuckin’ lousy actor, Gail—not “not good,” lousy! You're the worst actor in che stave of Wiscon- sup: What? sin—and that’s no easy feat! gonna bury an empty box in the mornin’ if she don't § ip. Well... Bye, baby. a | aati: That's nor true. | ruir: Oh, itis true! When's the last time you made a fuckin’ dime acting anyway? Never! That's when. (sez exits) (Pause) amt: I studied with Lee Strasberg! tring when you said that I “certainly, cer ‘cast: What were you tainly no Al Pac - is utr: That’ prolly what killed him! up: What?! (ous drinks from the la.)2s 4 STEPHEN ADLY GUIRGIS UR LaDy OF 121ST STREET for the last two years to allow myself to keep growing closer cast: Youtre upset, you're angry with me, that’s why you're being | | to you. cruel right now, saying things chat you know areatt true iar: I Anow when I go to a theater and something sucks ass, 1: And [applaud that— cupid, Gail, All [asked for was the respect to han- de my business, in my neighborhood, with my people, at my own pace and in my own way. You couldn even give me that. cat: If you're referring to my Torvald— usr: I'm refetting to your everything! You did that show with the kkids and fuckin’ five-year-olds were acting circles ‘round you! Everything youre in, youke the worst fucking one! Ask our friends! Ask anyone who knows you! You suck, okay?! You ac- ‘cuse me of denial?! Look at your own self, Gall 1 = can: Where you goi ur: I don't know. GarL: Atleast... F cam: Can I come? utp: At least what? I know who I am—I'm a lawyer, Gail! And what are you—other than a fuckin’ self-centered, drunk, wishing communicy theater housewife! mur: Get away. (our exits.) together? cau: Tam not that fem, ‘cami: So are we st ‘Scone 4: Norca and Balthazar, a hallway in the funeral home. | Midstream, up: Whatever! ‘eatt: So you admic 'm nor that fem? asreiazan: Last night, Norca, between ten p.m. and nine a.m. (eur drinks.) ‘where were you? "worca: I was at your mother's house fuckin’ her in her ass wid Fup: Tam so tolerant of your weaknesses, Gail. I really am. But strap on—dass where I wast you? You have no empathy for anything that goes against ‘what you wane when you wat aauresazAn: Very funny. ‘att: Robert: bah orca: You see anybody laughin? I know your moth laughist —I drove that bitch’s head chru the wall, her hai all covered in plaster ant could go now, up: You chink joint checking was easy for me? I have your name con everything chat’s mine, and T've pur in the work every day2 2% STEPHEN ADLY GUIRGIS ‘OUR LADY OF 12157 STREET saazan: And when you get to Bellevue, you gonna bug out, ‘Norcal You gonna hit somebody; or wild out somehow, and they gonna start medicating your ass. Then, you gonna be real fucked up, and they gonna send you to Creedmore for men- 1 You know you cant sign yourself our of BaLtuazan: Detective, nonca: Rent-s-cop! Fisher Price Bitch!! (anuraazan takes a drink from his flac.) paurnazar: Where are your kids these days, Norca? Foster care? Rikers? seca Nonca: Wheres your kid, Balthazar? Oh, yeah—he in a cemetery, all raped up and dead, ait that right, Me. Parent! Me. Judge mental alcoholic mothahfuckah! 4 “saurmazan: You must've visited Creedmore, tight? Half your fam- ily passed through there, no? That brain of yours, Norca? That brain you love so much even though its killin’ you? ‘Creedmore gonna snatch that brain, Norce. Snatchy, snatchy, no more brain! No more Norca. They gonna snatch your brain, and before you know it, you gonna weigh thres hun- dred pounds, have haie where God didnit intend, and you gonna have one of chose faces—you know those faces I'm talking about, right Norea? The institutionalized face? The no more brain, smile like a chree-year-old” face? The “I've been downgraded from a human ro 2 mammal” face. No more Nasty Norca, you're gonna be a mammal! Gaureazan smiles) Bacruazan: I hope you took her, Norca. orca: Took who? saurHazan: “Took who"? Noncx: Faint sturtered. Took who, mothahfuckah2! a You'e very smart, Norea. You always been smart. ae at brain of yours, ic hurts co carry it around, doesn it? atrizazar: Then tell me where she ist Nonea: I's been five seconds, Balthazar, don't ee Ithazar, don'e you need another orca: Where who is?! | paurixzan: Where is she? natrnazan: The next time I take you into custody, Norea, Iwont slap you on the wrist. No, the next time, Norca, I'm gonna send your ass to Bellevue— 3 wonca: Where is mothahfuckin’ who?! orca: Fuck you~ aacrsiazans Whereis she? orca: I don't know what you talkin’ ‘bout!2 STEPHEN ADLY GuIRGIS our LAby OF 121ST STREET BALTHAZAR: You'te lyin’. = Second Grade, and chen for Second Grade agai 1, Which is why I respecced Nonca: No I aint! though she beat my ass Paurttazan: You're a fuckin’ liar, worca: Dont be breathin’ up on me! Ns “We always loved her, even when we didat.” saxriazan: Liat uve: Edwin— Nonea: Liar, what?! i: Shue up, Pinky, I'm tryin’ ta put my thoughts in place— pauriazan: Where is she? cme: Oh... okay. Nonca: Where is wi “row: Puc that cigarette ous, you can‘t smoke in here batrnazar: Whereis she? = oie: Somy— Norca: You want me to bust you in your mothahfisckin’ face?! . Seownn: Wait. Gimme a drag firs... “We loved her cuz” saurnuazan: Yes. Lwould like very much for you to bust me in my mothahfuckia? face, Mammal Girl. Please hit me. Please. ivy: You want a fresh one? Norea: Pl do it, ya drunkeass bitch! bwin: Nah . .. Yeah. Whatchu smokin’? BALTHAZAR: Please, envy: Kool Breeze, -=pwin: Kool Breeze? What the fuck kinda brand is dat? sauTHazan: Hit me. Right now, Nozca. Hit me now! piney: Two dollah eighty-five, Scene 5: Edwin and Pinky, funeral home waiting room. wan: Fuck dat... You got any chocolate? | Dwi: (Te himself) “Sister Rose Marie was a very special person, 1, personally, had her for Homeroom for First Grade, and for wvxy: I could get some,30 STEPHEN ADLY GuIRGIS epwin: You could get me two packs a Yodels? paver You wanna juss split a box? spwin: Nah... . Yeah. You need money? ivi: Maybe juss like four dollahs. epwin: In other words, you need money, avy: I guess. EDWIN: So juss say dat then. envtce I didn't wanna upset your concentration. sowi: Wel, ie’ upset. Posie: Sorry. epwin: Not on account a you, Pink, all righ puns: Okay, sayin’, “okay”? puvxc: Like I believe you, idle that right now. ann: [ain't gonna cry. Epwin: Are you sayin’ “okay” like you believe me? Or are you jus Idoan wanna see you start cryin’, ‘cuz I juss (OUR LADY OF 12157 STREET a c cryin, ery, 'Cux I doan wanna sti- Is juss, need you strong over here, ’m strong. Wanna feel my muscle? a twenty-dollah bill, okay? Wie the Yodels? © Geta quart milk, pnicy: Okay. yin: Regular, not skim or some shit. The red one. ini: I know. IN: And check the date, On the Yodels too. Grab the mille from the back, ina I gor three gicfriends, Bc “ xowin: Thac’ great. Bring me the change. "pines: They‘e all pretty... except one, zpwi I gotta get back to ths, Pinky. inn: Okay, You're gonna make a great analogy, Edwin. spwin: Eulogy, Pinky. Not analogy. Eulogy. pavey: Tim gonna tell her all about it when I gec home.2 STEPHEN ADLY GUIRGIS UR LADY OF 121ST STREET 2 stment right now T posed to be there, right? EDWIN: Great... Tell who? PINKY: Sister Rose, 1u mean like Mes. McNulty’ cat? Bro... Sister Rose is dead, you know dat . 1: Never mind, Go get the Yodels now. rev: I wantcha to meet my girlfriends. prey: I know. win: Dead, like, dead. Tm lookin’ forward to it. Yodels. Go. prace: I know, pwn: Like Mom and Dad, tight? nt mean to upser your concentration, Edwin. piv: Yeah, And the super, Mr. Regal. van: I know that, Pinky. wor: I chink. .. Can I say som: pwn: Yeah... Dead like them, pix: In Heaven. ‘sown: Dass right ava: Eatin’ cheeseburgers pwn: Watchin’ Pay-Per-View for free with the Blessed Mother and Saine Anthony, and Mom and Dad... . rin And Me. Regal. zpwin: Yes. Now, Pinky, when Balthazar’s partner came in h and asked us those questions, you answered the truth, ri envy: Whaddya mean?4 STEPHEN ADLY GUIRGIS (OUR LADY OF 121ST STREET nowin: How many hugs have I given you today? cia: Oh, Pave: Only like six, Brivex: You look like Sister Rose. Bowin: So go get che Yodels and milk, bring me the change, fancta: She was my aunt Til give you another hug. How’ that? ipinxy: I'm getting Yodels now. pmvey: A long hug? Sancta: Well, nice to meet you. Epwin: Would you just get the fuckin’ Yodels already?! : Srnec: Can T touch your bute? Pinky: Oh, Okay... What about Norca? ; E xpwi: Pinky! Go ger the Yodels. spwan: Forget about Norca. She don't like you. Eat some Yodel a and forget about that s B ric: Okay. Bye, lady. piney: [really would fel better if you— E (envy exits.) pwn: Oh, fuckin’ “Jesus fuckin? Christ” Pinky! Come over here! \ spwin: Hello, sorry for that. I'm, uh, Edwin Velasquez. (on eroses 9 BDwin. They hug, Mancta enters) : | Marcia: Marcia Cook, could you open up that window, please?! marcia: Oh, excuse me, | epwn: It’s closed ’cuz of the A.C. pinky: Hello, lady. Tm sorry, but I'm an asthmatic! -ancta: So smoke outsi (nell) Was someone smoking in here? | epwin: Ass what? Thave asthma. I mean the sign says: “Pro- But, of course, Lin the bitch, just be- cause other people dontt give a hoot about anyone else except themselves, so they have no goddamned— pnnxy: You wanna be my gielftiend? Marcia: Uh, I don't know. Maybe? rive: Tm going to get some Yodels for me and my brother Edwin, _epwin: Hey, look—36 STEPHEN ADLY GUIRGIS Marcia: I mean, I could die! Okay?! I asthma attack and drop dead right here! So I'd appreciate you would stop gawking at me and open the damn win before I start to really get upsec! EDWIN: It’s open, its open! seancus: I'm really sorry— xpwin: Apology accepted. .cta: Danger! Danger! mancta: Apology? See, that’s the whole pr shouldn't have to go off on people and get labeled some ki of overreacting per to get them to obey @ dam: ich they're supposed to just obey because aw! I shouldn't have to even ask! ws: What should I do? .cik: My inhaler... please... . my bag! win: What? This? 8: Youre very right— Pee Sancta: Oh, God... Yes... Thank .- Marois: I mean, / didn’t put up thae “No Smoking” sign, pwn: No, you didnt. . © spwis: Should 1 “ mancia: No! Oh, God! Danger! I'm—'cr Ive just found another place « rine, ive— humidity or something, okay : bbecause—Don't look at me like d EDWIN: Like what? | marcia: Bight? marcus: Like I'm some kind of lunatic, or bitch, or rabble rouser! pwin: (helping her) Seven «- =pwin: Whats a rabble rouser? marcia: Sixt» Y OF 121ST STREET 36 STEPHEN aDLY GuIRGIS ou renee xpwin: Dass right— Brin: Ate you sad about Sister Rose's body gettin vicked! MARCIA & EDWIN: Five... four... three... two ... one. (Panse) win: Do you think— imi silence, they just actA: Pipe down! People get so intimidated by yj Manet: Oh, my God. i iE Ik, tale — epwin: That was scary. Marcia: Oh, my God. =pWIn: It’ okay. Maxcza: Hold me? epwin: Yeah ... Yeah, sure. (epwm enadles Manca. A beat.) Marcia: You saved my life. mown: Actually, I was one of the smokers that caused your con- nition. owin: He aint retarded, he jus suffered a accident when we ‘ancis Loo [rarely feel grateful fo anything 50 could you jut ie { meidenaly theew a brick out the window which shut up and let me be grateful for a second? ” e ended up on his head. Pause) , sdancus: Pm sorty nN: You're a very strange lad) : : a ene owtn: Are you... are you crying? eae acta: I just. anycime I see someone like that, you know, it just makes me very sad, like I should be nicer ro people... Pause)STEPHEN AOLY GuIRGIS devote mote time to charities, Something .. . know? pwin: So why dont you just do that then? meancta: What? epwin: I said, do it then, Help our more. Manca: Look, [help out plenty already. Dwin: But maybe you could do more— deancta: Okay, like, back off? pwn: Back off? marcia: You know nothing about me, or what I do or don! 1¢ you wrote a check or helped an old +. Tim not sure, ‘Mancta: Right. So... “People in glass houses,” okay, mister? Epwiy: People in glass houses what? Maxcia: You know! epwin: I know what? ‘ancta: You've never heard thar before? sowin: Why would anyone wanna li break, or people could peep at you— something. Yo in a glass house? It could ‘OUR LADY OF 12157 STREET : You know what? I've gotta find my friend Sonia nv: Did I say something wrong? cza: Look, goodbye, thanks for saving me. iw: Why donchu hang out, have a Yodel? .cis: Pm allergic to chocolate. pwin: Have a soda then. nota: Caffeine? sowin: How ‘bout a slice of pizza? Cheese?! God, did someone throw a brick lady scene 6: Inez and Norea, Bar and Grill vez: So I toal chat nigga, “If che shit cant stay up, then put che damn thing away,” okay? sonca: You said that shit?! orea: No he di Erez: Oh, yes he did!a2 STEPHEN ADLY GuIRGIS. ‘OUR LADY OF 12157 STREET 3 Avwtight, I had me some Eustace, but that was long after you NoRca: No-class fool— ‘were Ginished wie him. waz: So I toal the driver ta pull over, and I kicked his ass out damn cab. jonca: Yeah, well... you know... onca: Cab?! prez: I think you was datin’ that bank robber by then. Exonca: He wasn't no robber, He was @ suspect! vez: Ended up I fucked the cabby. orca: You was in a cab?2l! ‘ez: Well, I never mec the suspect. orca: Dag, Inez, you funny. 1Nz2: Shit, Iwas fife now what Pm sayin’? orca: You nevah Fucked no nigga in a cab! 12: How you mean? jorca: I mean, “you funny’—like how you make yout face look ez: Yes I did! Fine H. ‘when you say shit, like when you said “suspect.” to his mom co by jan man—he was sending money hot ce, a new hut or something, orca: “A hue’? Ewer: My face is my face. ight now! F once: See, you doit ‘vez: Sumpthin’ like chat—house, hut—you know them Hai back then— D inez: I'm not doin’ orca: Girl, you crazy i’ 2 compliment, gs you useta say ‘when you was [ worca: Yes you are, and it’s funny. Dass all olay? Cuz somesimes I chink about funn that was funny, or how your face look reactin? ta something—like in schoo!—or when we had them sleepovers at your aunts house—os like, ya know, all the times we was together—and, I think ta myself, “Damn, thae ‘was funny,” and I wanna just laugh, and I do laugh, and ’s helpful ro laugh somerimes—and dass “cut of you, so— dass all, ez: Anyway, you wasnt around. You was—I think you was that Bustace Mejias at the time. orca: Oh, ma Gawd! Little Eustace. mez: That ain't what I heard. Nowca: Heard?! Git, stop lyin ansz: Yeah, okay.a“ STEPHEN AOLY GUIRGIS cryin’ ea say nuthin’. ez: Okay, then, Nonea: What? You ain't got no compliment for me? mez: Well, Nore pussy to my husband” —other than that, ad a complete blank. Nonca: Whatever mez: That all you got to say? Nokea: I'm just tryin’ ta have a nice conversation. aiez: You fucked my husband! Norca: You aintt never missed me afterall these years? zz: You ftcked my husband! worca: I mean, besides that, nnuz: Norca—you fucked my husband! Noxca: How many times I gotta apologize for that?! ‘wxxz: How about once?! Nonea: Awright, shit. I apologize, okay? Nez: Okay, et chan “Gee, girl, your fat ass bounced ‘my kitchen table teal nce when you was servin’ up your stank (OUR LADY OF 12157 STREET = xonca: I'm just tryin’ ea have a nice conversation. “1wez: Okay... (To sonta) Excuse me, Miss, we ain’t ruinin’ your are we? meal oF nut E sonta: Oh, no. I'm just . .. Is that ketchup? = orca: Does it look like ketchup? E ayez: (To worca) Girl, stop it. (To sonia) Here ya go. sonia: I'm sorry, I... I'm from Connecticut. _ivez: Oh, yeah? You know New Haven? conta: Um . - yeah? nvez: I got some folks up there. Cousins, nephews, all kinds of relations running ‘round up there. Good pizza up there in Connecticut, You know about that, Norca? Norea: Stop playin’ Fame: I'm not playin’. (To sonta) Tall het. sonia: Um. | ez: Tall this bitch yall got the best pizza up there. sonia: It’s really very good.7 ‘OUR LADY OF 12187 STREET “6 STEPHEN ADLY GuIRGIS Nonca: Not better than New York, Fonca: Dont lie, et out my face fuckin’ Wendy waz: (To wonca) You need to get your ass on the Greyhound, the shit. 'm tellin’ you, remember how pizza useta be? + (To ween) That ain't Wendy Elmer. Wendy Elmer dead. orca: Yeah: eae know from what—I along time ago. ‘ez: Wel, that’s how ie sil is up there, (Zé sows) Am I yj 1 Dead from the bitch is dead. I do aint the damn coroner. Wendy Elmer dis sonta: Not as far as T can tell Nonca: (To mer) What she know about how pizza useca be ovee. yorca: Oh. ee From aillness, I think. sown: Ub, Pve had pize in New York before, Lots of times, We tsera come into the city a lot, you know; forthe theater oF 3 ball game or like my dad seca tae us tothe Car Show atthe Coliseum on Fifey-ninth— q E orca: Well, good then! «the fucks your problem? inz2: Norea, you need ta chill. What xnvez: You here for the wake? | sonia: She's prolly juss— mean E wonca: I could speak for myself, thank you very much! a: Yeah Nonca: You was a student here? E sonra: I'm sorry. | (Paws) orca: You eat fish, donchu? sonta: Ub— orca: Hold up, you that bitch, ain’ you?! You fackin’ Wendy Elmer, right?! E 7 _ sow: Eat fish? son: No. ] eee | onca: You 2 fish eater Noxca: I fuckin’ hate your ass! Sy sonta: I'm not her.oy STEPHEN ADLY GUIRGIS Norea: You suck on females titties donchu?! sowia: You mean am Ia lesbian? You juss like my mother, my kids, my it Everybody always wanna gang up on “me, well, what the fuck did I do, huh?! What the fuck I did so "bad that you gotta cake the side a some bug-eyed bitch you never met before co know practically from fuckin’ birth? sez: (To wonca) She ain't no lesbian, Norca. Damn, git, about ta put a muzzle ipsy and grieving. Nonca: I aint grieving! Sister Rose could lick my ass, all I care. ta: 'm gonna go. No, I'm gonna go. woRcA: So what she was abous the bitch—ainit yin’ ta disrespect her—P'm here, a 1 Tim repsesentin' for her memory an’ shi talk about chat penguin fe how you fucke up to buy his moms a hur— Funny! Not fckia’ all chi ‘you scarn’ a2! in't gonna abandon me twice! I aban- don you! Y'all fuckin’ suck, ya know that?! The two of you! Ines, you look older than the hair on my ass, and—you!!—I know you Wendy Elmer! You could act like you ain't but— you are fackin! Wendy Elmer and this is for you from fifth- grade Earth Science. C’mere! (10RCA slaps sont across her teeth.) sonta: Tm not statin’ Nonca: I never copied off you, anyway!! avez: She ain't sta nez: Norca, chill, You beter put yo eyeball: | worca: (To sonta) If you so smart, why the fuck you live in scomp ‘em, ya bug-eyed ez: (To sonta) She been drinkin’ Nonca: (To mez) Why you takin her side?! ‘orca: Connecticut, pizza-catin’, conversation-ruia’ fuckin sez: Norco F (xonca bursts out the bar in tears.)‘OUR LADY OF 1215T STREET 50 STEPHEN ADLY GUIRGIS “Thou shalt not covet chy neigh- sez: Sorry. ‘m runnin’ outta neighbors! sonta: That’ okay, this has happened to me before. ux: I smell marijuana. wez: It has? prolly one a them altar boys lighting up, sonra: Yeah. People always think I'm someone else, ux: The altar boys are at Bear Mountain today, sir. mzz: And then they slap you upside the head? Fro: Bear Mountain? Sonta: Well, no, bur somerimes I gee che feeling that they: Pause) mez: That’... chat’ strange. (ez exits) sonta: Yeah... Yeah, itis a wwrop: Weld always be like, “Dag, Father C, Bear Mot jungle Habitat, again” “Cant we go oi Jung Scene 7: Rooftop in the Confessional ding those nights I cart remem : me we beter jue tack on another 25, E ' wna, I must ask you co extinguish it s better to err on the side a caution, ? the o T pur it out, well eared at cighe erage ie oe anda noorror: Oh... You wouldn't want a hit before J pt half times a day T just tuemed forty, that's 32 times 365, als would ya, Father zero carry the one, 13, cazty one, 730, 5, 9, 4 : te bat ae plus half a that, say 55 hundred give or take, that’ oved carmen tine: Ti just like you to put 17,000 solo ventures!—thass a lor a seed, Father—a lor‘of. wcky-whacky”! T mean, over 500 counts of adultery, 17 noortor: Right. Sorry, Padre.yy OF 1215T STREET 3 82 STEPHEN ADLY GuiRGIS (OUR LADY OF 1215T eariten Lunt Its okay. sea xurx: Despair is marked by the termination or the cessa~ Roortor: Nah, I'ma bad man, smokin’ weed u “tion of action. For example: A m: in a well— one of God's soldiers wie’ some s« Tm som kinda... Ya think there's any hope for me? FATHER Lux: Listen, we have weekend retreats for those kin questions. wen tux: Not a “whale,” a well yeror: What's a “well jss askin’ your opinion. Is it not okay to aske aTHER LUX: There are people betver equipped than me to a povun Lux: A welll You know, you get water from iv . a talkie! about a “well,” like, you go wit your pail RooFToP: Like who? Farrier unc Well, God, Ask God. jought you said “whale.” RooFror: I'm not ready for God. Fnoorton: Tim sozry, Pathe: FATHER tux: Or a therapist. Or the Jesuits—they're smart: b rarer Lux: That's okay. So— jus, well... Thear confessions, okay? | xoorror: Cun there’sstory about a man stuck up in awhele, right RoorroP: Okay... B its pretty hopeless, right? Right! 4 E esrnten wx That’ Jonah saritan Lux: They say despair is the absence of hope. Are you despairing? g oorror: Who? PATHER LUX: Jo-nah, RooFTOP: Iam. . Jon e Whale.” arien tun: You know what despair is? oorToP: Yeah, “Jonah,” dass right—"Jonah and the Whal Roorror: The absence of hope, right? | earner 10x: Yes, So— FATHER LUX: Besides that. _ xoorror: Sister Rose, she useta tell us that story all the time.st STEPHEN ADLY GuiRGis OUR LADY OF 121ST STREET 55 paniter 1% Its a nice story— Roorror: I useta go home and have nightmares bout ge rin unc: Waiting, up inside a whale—my pops useta beat my ass bout “Ain't no whales in Harlem, fool, go back for: Others? sleep, this is a workin’ yer Lux: Others. Yes. FATHER LUX: Anyway— ror: You tryin’ ta get rid of me, Father? oorror: Say, you remember them pajamas wit’ the fect one: You ever had a pair? 3 pox wu: No. parser wx: No, _ joFToP: You gor a ltele egg timer back there or sumpthin’? noortor: Dass too bad, they was snug. An I always useta li erate Lox: No egg timer, no. those little glove clips they would pur on your co: Jong string runnin’ through your sleeves, so your gloves ws joFTor: ‘Cuz maybe you didn't hear me when I said I ait made ‘a confession for thiety years. ‘winter—I mean, this is before I moved out to Los Angeles -o-walk into a church noorror: You have any idea how hard FATHER uN Sir? after thirty years, Pacher? RooFror: I once lost a pair of genuine Mink-lined Iralian Leath Bloves— | saruisn Luxe The important thing is thar you came back. - noorror; Dass right I came back—and ies not like yall got the ‘most alluring marketing campaign going on these days either, © Bather. You feelin’ me? arian 10x: Si? oorror: Yes, Father? patie Lux: Confessional! Not “Conversational”! Remember | satan tox: | feel you. noorror: Right right. parHer 10x: There may be others waiting,56 STEPHEN ADtY GuIRG: sea ‘OUR LADY OF 121ST STREET new churches, rel do whatever you w: ax: And yet, my question remains: Do you ‘moze imporcant than those others who may be jeror: Well, obviously, you think the answer to that question, is nol arte Lux: But you came here, noorror: Thats exactly my point! I came here. So I would th that afer thirty years in the wind, Father, chat fa fillen yrrov: Well then, what the hell are you saying?! I mean, sthen the Prodigal Son came home, his pops killed the fatcese calf and had a mothahfuckin’ banquet! And Noah, Father? Noah gathered up al! the animals two by two—he didnt say, “Nah, fuck chem chiba smokin’ zebra, they takin’ too long— Parier 1ux: In other words, you're mote important than others who may be ™ : ooFrop: What?! PRooFtor: The real question here ain't “Do J think I'm more im- porrant?” The actual fuckin’ question is, “Do you think I'm imporrant enough?” Pareen Lux: I said— RooFrOr: Oh, see? Dass trickery! Trickery, Father! saviter tox: I don’t understand— je me a single, compelling reason why Rooror: I came here to feel bettes, and you tryin’ ra send me feelin’ worse! rarer Lux: That's not my intention. Roorror: Them other churches? They don't uy ta make a m ai fe guilty for speakin’ his truth, They don't cash their checks whatchu been doin’ the past half century—playin’ pinochle?! Can't you tell when a man is coming to you affaid? paviter tux: Youre right ee | psmner ux: Affaid of what? | noorror: Goddamnit, Father, I'm afraid a everything! Is chat what noortor: Whaddya mean, “Pim right”? yawanna hear? Afraid I'm never gonina be the person I thoughtse STEPHEN ADLY GUIRGIS ‘OUR LADY OF 12157 STREET Ta be, back when I thought I had all che time in the world get there! I'm afraid ro go next door ta pay my respects Sister Rose ’cuz my goddamn ex-wife Iner, she's p next door over there a the waleet She dont like me! [dor I'm afraid thac the person Pil ike least wherever will always be mel! ... Okay, mothahfuckah?! You happy Boorror: You mean, like, specifically? fuarizen 10x: Specifically, yes. noorror: Uh. (Chere is loud insistent knocking on the confesional door) (Beat) bearer vux: (To roortor) Hold on a sec, I'll get rid of him . . . FATHER Lux: My name is Father Lux. | (Ts she knocker) Please wait your turn, I'm in the middle of a con- RooFro?: Yeah, so what? fession. © saurutazan: Father: This is the New York City Police Department. Tm afraid I must ask the gentleman in che confessional co step ‘out, hands up, and vacate the booth. ParHER conc T'm sorry, (Beat) RoorTor: Line, hub? You mean, Hke— | sartien vox: (To ooFtor)"This has never happened to me before. arsier tune: Like the soap, yes. © sacruazan: I xepeat: Gentleman in confessional, step out—now. © soosror: I gor weed on me, Father, could you help a brother ou? Roortor: I was gonna say Lux as in the Latin, meaning “li varttER Lint Thats impressive, Most people say the soap. > sacruszan: Gentleman in the confessional, I am drawing my ‘weapon— nooeror: Wall, Im not most people. 3 E oortor: Dont stioot! Dorit shoot rartier xux: No disputing that. | (eoorror exits the confessional) Roortor: I'm twelve years Catholic school educated—I know my. Latin. Rident stolid de verba latina —i © goortor: Balthazar? varie upc: Yes. Yes it is... Listen, why don't you tell me what WME pauruazan: Rooftop! What ups my m brought you ro confession roday.DY OF 120ST STREET os “ STEPHEN ADLY GuIRGis pean ne punch you in ye, Balthazar? RoorTon: Mothahfuckah, what the fuck you think you dk Beor70r: Hey—someone punch you in yo eye, Baha scared hell oucta mel?! fascruazan: Bad day. Tm fine. Tm gonna go. Bye, Roof. Father. saxtnazar: Come on, brother, 'm with Flip at the bar? 4 you a beer, U(sactHazan crosies to leave.) a 2 ‘ ion we? Roorro: A beer! Balthazar—C'm conducti’ some serious busi etean wan: (Re she confenional) Shall we ‘ness in there with the Father—what I want with a danin b = FE oorror: Yeah uh... (Tb satraazax) Where you gonna be at sauritazar: Yo, Rooftop, what’ the matter, man? Canttyou take | The bar? little joke? 4 ES ; nautisazar: Yeah. ‘oortor: Joke? I'm holdinga bag of weed and a eight-ball of ‘on me, brother—cops bangin’ down the door on me ai joke! = aoorror: The bar atthe corner? crsazan: Yeah. natrnazan: Ti sorry © sooFror: With Flip Johnson, you said? units for fuckin’ heart atcacks, man! 2 sattuazan: (To noorror) Look, I saw your limo out front. I got 4 excited. I'm sorry. (Zo priest) Vm sorry, Father. 4 aa 7 E naursazan: Nab. Seca al _ noorror: Y'all havin’ a little drink, huh? Farner 1x I'm fine. ; | rrugsr: Uh— noorror: Where your legs at, Father? F sacruazan: You wanna come? ara 10x: Korea ce i © roorror: I mean, a little drink is soothin’, ain't no one tryin’ ta Passe) | deny chat, sartHazan: I'l, ub, we'll catch up lacer, eight? (Conny enters with grocery bag.)2 STEPHEN ADLY GuiRGis Pine Rooftop! Roorror: Oh, shit! Wassup, Governor? in Lux: (To noortor) Sie Batruazan: Pinky, my man, que pasa? ic: Tm ready to confess, Father. pny: Hi Rooftop. Roorro: You doin’ okay, Governor? piney: Yes, paren Lox: Yeah, bur still it [em But it’s not noon, vinx: Fim going to confession. Then, Pm going to bring th Yodels and milk to Edwin so we can eat them. P estten Lux: I know it’s not noon. BatTHAzaR: Man with a plan, E river: Thass “cuz it's not noon. Panky: Yes, Then, I'm going to find Norca. E noortor: Late, fellas. roorton: Well, I won't keep ya then. (Profering a bil) Say, Gi E Gaoorror exit.) you gor change for this dy? : paraer vox: Waith piney: No, 4 ‘ pinky: How could it be noon when i¢s not noon’ noorror: (With a wink) Then I guess you gonna haveta hang on | to it then, 4 pinky: Oh, Okay. oorTo»: (Re: the confessional) Go on, handle your business now. mvc: Yes,“4 STEPHEN ADLY GuIRGIS parser rox: What? (Beat) nner: brought you some mixed nuts saree ux: Oh... thanks, vic: Yes, Planter’. FATHER LUX: Great (enn peoks earner wx: cheek) avaEr Lux: Donte do thas, Pinky! nvice: You looked sad. arene tux: Don't do that ever, Pin: Oh... Why? Paria Lux: Why? ... Just don’t do itt (Beat) ‘ouR LADY OF 12157 STREET 6 jinute, Tor: Man, you carve juss sneak me in there for a Balthazar? Flash your badge? Lemme take care of my busi- ess, pay my respects? -TAZAR: Pay your respects to who? There's nothing in there Syoorror: Stole the photo? Well, how "bout a mass card che ‘Cuz Tim tryin ta catch the midnight flighe out of brother. | sauruazan: You're not staying for che Funeral? int, six a.m, Prime-time E soorror: Nah, man—got my radio dive time. E vacrHazan: I thought we were gonna hang. (ss pances, oping for a 3 pauses, hoping for a reaction from raruisn Lux, docmt ge © soorror: Balthazar, when we strolled up in this joins, it was one, Hands exreten wx the peanuts, exits) (Blackout) day—it aint day no more. That tells me we been hangin. Right? | pacraazan: I guess... Salut, roortor: Yeah. Salut brother. Sab | (They drink, Beat.)66 STEPHEN a PHEN ADLY GUIRGIS. ouR Lany OF 121ST STREET ROOFTOP: So, I can’; like, go in there for a second, touch the umazan: I cant. |-down for a second? think on it, You been talkin’ "bout comin’ out for a visit for years now. Lotta private security work out in L-A., man, Lotta rich mothahfuckahs whold pay | good money for a New York City detective to oversee their | protection. You'd be clockin’ ducats to get suncan, man! You gota girlfiend, BP aLTHAZAR: Bro’ «crime has bee ited. B n committed. Evidence ie collected. When that’s all done, and if Sister raid forrnd, well open up the room. Roortor: And when's that gonna be? natrizazan: Irs gonna be when ies gonna be. Shit. p sautnazan: Nah. Roorror: But the rooms gonna open? | soorror: How "bout you, Fl auratazan: What kinda question is d “yu: Tim matried. now the answer to that question 2! How am I supposed. oorrop: (To FLIP) God bless ya. (To pattHazar) All I’m say you divorced, you been @ cop since you graduated high school, and—if I can speak frankly—you look about eighty- five yeats old, brother. The last jammy my man Barry threw —women outnumbered men ten to one, B, and thass all 'm gonna say about that! juss inquixing! BALTHAZAR: Look, Rooftop, they're k oofiop, they're keeping the waiting room open for us all night—so if you wanna go to th rel ‘oom, pay your respects toa lamp and a box of Kleen jeton outta here, then be my fucking guest, okay? | sauruazan: I'm goirt to the funeral—and you should too. RoorToP: You don't have to gee all cantankerous, B. i: ' © roorror: Would if I could— ‘BALTHAZAR: I just thought you were gonna be here for a whl ow! T gor Mets tickets, I fixed up my extra room, sheets— : satruazan: Irs fuckin’ Sister Rose, man. - roorror: I'm done with funerals! Don't mind a wake, but fuck a funeral, man. Buried my pops, my litle brother. My sgodson—I was there for you on d ‘that hill, away from the crowd? RoorTor: Why don't you come back to LA. wi Yeah... B Leo line prin che a barbecue tomorrow night at Barry White's crib, man ‘White—and believe me, when Barry hosts a “malin : brother throws down! You could come too, Flip —ifya wane pauretazar: Yeah,(oR LAbY oF 1215T STREET STEPHEN ADLY GuiRGIS. ‘young boy falls to his death coday’—wasnt like the word © wasntt out! Stay away from the fuckin’ elevator'l But, nahy "Chrissy always had to be nosy, adventurous— noorror: All them crazy Dominicans on your ex-wi ta blame you, tryin’ suazan: We were the same— F xoorror: Balthazar, did you fall down an elevator shaft thar sum- ip? Did I? Did any of Chrissy and Flip’ crew? have no sense, and subsequently, he didn't have iday party neither! BALTHAZAR: Anyway. (Beat, soorvo? drinks.) noorrop: Damn, this is some lo it usyrass cognac—they ain't gor a0 Henny up in here? aes eece juss.» juss remember after the funeral, still being in my lide suit, and walking over to chae spot in the projects where me and Chrissy always used ta be at—and you two were there. Fu: Sold out. aries This is some ridiculousness right here! The whole thi q suckin’ cognac, fuckin’ wake, Shi, E pauruazan: (To roortor) Drinkin’ on some pink champale, remember? patrnazar: Salut = suir: Lzemember seeing you, Rooftop, and you lookin’ at me real hhard—I thought you was gonna maybe hit me or chase me away—bur then you just handed me the borele and said, “Sip oon this for Chrissy.” And I... I had never tasted liquor be- fore, but I started 6 anyway, and then you were like, “Got va ki.” So I did, but I felt nervous because I had fucked up and Ispilea of icon my pants and shoes. Bus then, I took my sip, and I passed the bottle over to you, Balthazar, and then, I looked over at you, Rooftop, and you, you came over to me and just gave me eis hug, and I juss remember it fete real good, especially at that moment, “euz it was like you didn’t hesitate, and it juse felt good, ya know? (They drink. Silence.) T was, I was thinkin’ "bout your brothers funeral befo: Rooftop. noorror: Lil Chrissy BaurHazan: Chrissy was a good kid. noosror: He was a dumb-ass kid is what he was! I mean, know very other day noortor: Yeah. I know. fon the Eyewitness News, Bill Buetel talkin’ "bout “another70 STEPHEN AOLY GuiR Gs ‘OUR LADY OF 12187 STREET x: Look. fearacen 1x wheels toward she table.) Fur: [listen to you on the radio som RooFToP: Ya do? OOFToP: Aw; man, now what’ all this about? Roorror: Where you live at? sy ux: (To misp and paxtunzan) Hello... . (To Roortor) Didn't recognize you with the hat and glasses 1¢ DL., know what I'm sayin’? Fup: Wisconsin, ror: Tryin’ ta keep it Roortor: 'Cuz you ror: ‘Cuz you know, chey talkin’ about takin’ the show national. © xoortor: Not “hiding,” juss not advertising, atrtazan: For real? sarvten tux: Hiding, Roorror: Yeah, brother. See, right now, we number three behind! Steve Harvey and Large in Chay se se. 2 © xoorror: You a funny ext, you know that? ersten tin: IF you're not hiding, cake off the hat and glasses. ‘sarruazans Who's Large in Charge? am agrown man, Father—I believe T can attire myself | RooFTo! RoorTon: Some fat mothahfuckah thinks he's somebody % as please. a fac mothahfuckah—but he billboards. Fs ll about the billboars ae im / saurmiazar: You wanna drink, Father? sauraazan: You gota billboard? pariten Lux: I want a dry Manhattan desperately—T plan to have Roorror: Yeah, You wanna sce a photo? Tm finished three once I'm finished here, ished? Finished what? (ooRTOP goes into bis wallet) Battnazar: Ob, shit—look who's he who's here, astise 10x: Look you—Take off your hat and glasses noorror: Now, Father, you a father, and a war veteran, cut off at Roortor:(reflexively) Inez?! the knees and all, and you aint a bad guy, bue—