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Number two. The second stage, is when the person begins to rely on medication. This becomes the only
thing that gets them through the day. The sufferers take prescribed drugs religiously. They know each of
their medications inside out and can categorize in exact detail the timing effects and degree of relief
obtained. The mere thought of not having the medication at hand can bring terror. While they don't
think of themselves as dependent on drugs, they do rely on them absolutely, and so the dependence
begins here.
What's going on underneath this, is that they are allowing themselves to become addicted to a
medication, which will help them to avoid the pain and the emotion causing the pain, by numbing the
issue or by creating a high of adrenaline. So whereas some people take drugs, others gamble, or shop, or
have indiscriminate sex, or bungee jump, in order to get the adrenaline highs and avoid the pain of life.
This includes playing sports.
Stage three, the person who's now reliant on drugs begins to feel anxiety about their increasing inability
to handle any problem. And this triples their fear in their chronic suffering getting worse. They realize at
this stage, they're not in control and they become very anxious about it. Since physical incapacity makes
the sufferer rely on others for help in doing daily tasks, their self esteem lowers. The result is periodic
deep depression, which results from pushing away all the feelings. This is an attempt to not feel the bad
feelings. And in the process, the person pushes away all feelings and stops feeling all feelings, and this
results in depression.
At the same time, they're also having anxiety, because they aren't in control, and they don't know how
to get back in control. They can feel themselves getting further and further away, distance away from
the solution, which was their original emotional injury. At this point, remember that you have some
control and seek out therapists who know this.
In stage two, the positive behavior is to choose to create programmed relaxation in order to feel your
true feelings, and then seek healing or facilitation to put those feelings or hurts to peace. In stage one,
the wellness behavior is to become preoccupied with progressing and healing your pain, and if medicine
doesn't have the answers to seek something outside of Western medicine to do so.
In stage four, the person is now tired of pain, tired of depression and tired of anxiety. They have now
been continually searching for a cure to their physical symptoms for some time. They're trying hard and
the answer has to be out there, when actually the answer is within them. People at this stage, [inaudible
00:03:25] usually stay with any single authority for an average of three to four months. When the pain
doesn't disappear, disappointment and a sense of betrayal comes up for them. Naturally, this stem's any
positive expectation, yet still the search continues, another authority, doctor, therapist, et cetera.
Another chance and anything is worth a try.
Another way people do this is they relationship shop, rather than doctor shopping. With love as the
physician, people hope to alleviate their pain. When one relationship doesn't work, they seek out
another almost instantly, hoping that a caring physician or a loving partner will heal the person. They're
getting closer to the solution, because it is actually love that will help to heal them. Only, they are
looking at it from a doctor and a partner perspective, but it should be coming from a healer, someone
who knows how to give unconditional, compassionate love and facilitate healing. Again, the wellness
behavior is to remember that you do have control and seek those who know it and who can support you
in it.
Stage number five. In stage number five, a person begins to gradually withdraw from social involvement,
also as decreased muscle tone from lack of physical activity or exercise makes a person more vulnerable
to stress and more vulnerable to embarrassment in unfamiliar environments. They find it easier to just
stay home, except of course, for doctor's appointments. So what's going on underneath, is the person is

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suffering embarrassment. They're now feeling the feelings of low self esteem. They feel that this illness
has got them down or they have let themselves down somehow, and they have become weak and
possibly could embarrass themselves in social settings. We're now at a stage where the person is looping
and feeding more and more negative self esteem onto themselves.
Stage six. A person withdraws from either active sex life or intimate relationships. For chronic sufferers,
intimacy in the form of sex becomes uncomfortable if not downright painful. Still, many continue
intercourse rather than jeopardize a relationship, or more accurately, they sometimes also act it out,
usually faking intimacy until at last, the act becomes too painful. This tends to produce masochistic or
set a masochistic feelings. The sufferer can't help but begin to see the non suffering partner now as an
enemy.
What's really going on here, is the person is suffering such low self esteem and they are becoming
deeper and deeper embarrassed and they begin to also blame others. Periodic withdrawal from
intimacy, especially in a committed relationship with other party can be used as a weapon, but is usually
from an emotional hurt by the other person. Again, the person doesn't want to risk embarrassment in
physical intimacy and sometimes also emotional intimacy, and so they withdraw. Again, the wellness
behavior is choosing to make intimacy enjoyable again and to seek healing on intimate and vulnerable
feelings, especially in relation to being accepted unconditionally and loved.
Stage seven. At this point, the person is completely powerless and completely without control. As a
result, there can be bouts of hysterical outbursts. The effort to maintain a calm front proves to
[inaudible 00:07:32] and more and more often, these people find themselves in the midst of hysterical
outbursts, usually such self-pity explosions, target people in their support group, loved ones and family;
the very people they depend on. Even excused by pain, such moments of hysteria still drive a wedge into
the relationship, which in turn causes more fear of loss and therefore more hysterical outbursts. Less
and less control, more and more hysteria.
At this stage, a person can also exhibit self destructive behavior that can mask the feelings of hysteria
and rage, which can be repressed due to a sense of overall futility and powerlessness. The wellness
behavior at this stage is to remember that it is your experience, your life, and your body and only you
have control. Look for a facilitator now, who can elicit from you your own answers.
Stage eight. Stage eight is about projecting your suffering onto others. At this stage, chronic pain
sufferers identify with the anguish, physical or mental of others, especially with the terminally ill. A wash
in sympathy, they see everyone else's suffering as their own, and will do all in their power to rescue the
other from symptomatic pain. They play the rescuer for others. The wellness behavior here is to refocus
on yourself, never others, and find a facilitator who can help you to get a hold of what's making this pain
happen for you.
Stage nine. In stage nine a person increases their restrictions, because their fear of more pain is going up
again. Fear that more pain will result from activity, makes suffers unwilling to do more. One by one
activities fall by the wayside, and so do relationships. Attitudes undergo revision and so do expectations.
Fear of pain and actual pain become synonymous. The irrational fear of being alone coupled with fear of
being hurt again, fears which immobilize and make for more and more restrictions are in control.
Underneath all this, what's happening is that a person's focus goes from getting better to just not getting
any worse, and finally, more and more bed rest or sleep seems the only viable alternative.
The wellness behavior here is to understand and believe that you can heal, strengthen yourself in any
way possible. Use all the tips and tricks and tools you possibly can to strengthen your body, which will in
turn strengthen your mind. You'll find a list of bio-hacking tools at the end of this book. In stage nine the
other thing that is going on for the person is they have the inner knowing and they also have the belief

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that they have a lack of resilience on all levels. And they know and believe they can't take much more
stress and they go into extreme self-protection.
Stage 10. At this stage, they've given up and nothing works. They now have an expectation of failure and
a pessimistic outlook. Even in new treatments or treatment modes, they expect failure. This failure
expectation goes hand in hand with pessimism towards all other activities and relationships. Chronic
sufferers develop a fatalistic outlook. They have accepted their powerlessness to change or improve the
conditions of their lives. And they have accepted that everyone they have given the power to to cure
them, is also unable to do so.
What's going on under this, is a complete loss of hope and a complete powerlessness, which is now
deeply ingrained. The wellness behavior here is to be willing to risk success, to keep trying with new
therapies that you may not have considered before.
Stage 11. At stage 11 there's been so much pain. The person has been confronted by failure on an hourly
basis to master their pain or to recover their health, that they begin to accept pain as a punishment for
something they've done that's wrong. Many people come to believe that chronic pain serves as some
form of divine retribution for past sins, and accept this punishment as their due. Pain becomes a form of
atonement or payback; a kind of socket regulator. On a subconscious level, to recover would be a sin.
So what's going on underneath, is they've taken on massive guilt, massive self blame, and they're
looking for and accepting that the reason must be they are bad. The wellness behavior here is to
remember that punishment is not what you are deserving. Continue to love yourself. Continue to accept
yourself as okay, and continue to seek loving healing.
Stage 12. To know I love any other problem other than pain. At this point, the person has fully accepted
that they are to be blamed and that they deserve pain and punishment. They now focus fully on the
pain. Without pain, everything else would be just fine. Nothing but relieving the pain matters. Without
pain, everything would be fine. The rest of the life has no meaning and no importance. Family troubles,
relationship failures, lack of income. So what and who cares? "In my pain, I can do nothing," they say.
This becomes a morbid preoccupation with emotional pain based on fear of past and future rejection,
which is actually the original injury. And their inability to take responsibility for any positive action is
obvious here. At this stage, the best thing a person can do, the wellness behavior is to accept pain as a
given and get on with life, and engage in other areas of your life; do not ignore them. At the same time,
focus on healing.
Stage 13 is withdrawal avoidance and escape. Using their pain as an excuse, chronic sufferers manage to
withdraw, avoid or escape all past, present and future responsibilities. Suffering excuses non-
performance, helplessness, and the unwillingness to take charge of physical and mental recovery. They
completely renounced their power over themselves. They deny all responsibilities for causing or
perpetuating their pain, which is actually correct, because they did not cause it or perpetuate it. They
have done everything they can to be well. It is others in society who have not been able to assist them
to see the problem for themselves. They have been unaware. The wellness behavior is to choose to deal
with real issues, and to remember that you can have love and happiness without guilt, shame or blame.
Stage 14. At this point, pain is used to manipulate others. Consciously and or subconsciously using pain
to get their way becomes an instinctive survival tactic for chronic sufferers. The more intense their
symptoms, the more likely others will be to sympathize with and conform to their desires. What's going
on underneath is that they are completely helpless and powerless, and they feel that manipulation is the
only way to get what they want. However, they are now hurting others in the same way in which they
themselves were hurt. The wellness behavior is to remember that you can have love and control
without manipulation, as it's not a good idea to go on perpetuating this devastation or injury on others.

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And stage 15. Pain has become now, a well entrenched addiction. Finally, pain and pain behavior have
become an attitudinal habit. It now becomes what the person does and they learn to adopt it. Pain and
pain behavior support each other. They become a self fulfilling prophecy and lock the sufferer into all of
the above pain behaviors. Even when confronted with actual, measurable, positive change, a person in
this stage will emphatically deny it. And should the original pain vanish, they will promptly find another
to take its place.
As a learned behavior, becoming addicted to pain becomes as difficult to change as any other addiction.
This person then takes up martyrdom and sainthood conferred by their pain. They are now the complete
victim. The wellness behavior at this stage is you can have love and attention and acceptance without
pain. Again, seek loving healing for your original injury.

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