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Don't Hug Me I'm Scared Pilot Script Leaked
Don't Hug Me I'm Scared Pilot Script Leaked
101:
Pilot
Written by
Becky Sloan and Joe Pelling
13.2.17
Blink Industries
Super Deluxe
Conaco
A DOOR. Psychedelic colors flash around it, if you slow it down,
you can see it’s previous episodes of Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared.
YELLOW GUY
(singing)
Wakey Wakey! To the new day, and today is my birthday! The
yellow balloons up in the sky, which means it’s time to go
outside, it’s my birthday…
(to the camera)
Hello! Yay!
DUCK
(singing)
Now I’m here! And I’m another one! And I live with him in this
funny house, and everyday when the sun comes out, we go outside
and walk about in our town!
A view shows the town gates. A sign above the gates reads: “A
TOWN CALLED CLAYHILL”
DUCK (CONT’D)
I lived here my whole life. Why, it feels like --
RED GUY interrupts Duck and ducks under the doorway, being too
tall.
RED GUY
(singing)
It’s me now. And I’m another one. And I also live with them in
the funny house too. And every morning we sing this song. Every
morning.
DUCK
Yes we do!
YELLOW GUY
And it’s my birthday! Yay!
DUCK
Not really a part of the song…
CUT TO:
TOWN
We just can’t wait to see what’s going to happen to us three.
Everyday’s an opportunity for a newer…
YELLOW GUY
Birthday cake…
DUCK
Will you stop it?!
RED GUY
And everyday when we wake you up, you come outside and say
“Hello, I’m Big Ian.”
BIG IAN
Hello. I’m Big Ian.
A beat.
DUCK
Look! There he is!
DUCK
You live next door to Big Ian!
MRS. GRENALD exits. She has a baker’s outfit, glasses, and blue
hair.
MRS. GRENALD
And everyday I come outside, and give you lots of cakes and
pies, good morning!
YELLOW GUY
Ooh, birthday cake!
Yellow Guy rushes toward Mrs. Grenald, but Red Guy pushes him
away.
RED GUY
No, don’t eat it.
DUCK
Yes, we are!
YELLOW GUY
And it’s my birthday!
DUCK
Now, onto the mayor’s house.
TOWN
Wakey Wakey, Mayor Pigface! We love you, you’re our mayor! And
everyday you come outside and tell us everything’s all right in
our town!
DUCK
Looks like someone’s being a bit of a sleepy head.
YELLOW GUY
Mayor Pigface?!
RED GUY
What’s going on? Where’s the Mayor?
DUCK
Wakey Wakey!
YELLOW GUY
Wakey!
Duck Guy slowly approaches the doors of the mayor’s house, the
song slowly going away.
FADE TO BLACK:
FADE IN:
Yellow Guy holds a balloon, Duck watches the news, and Red Guy
reads the newspaper with a headline: “MAYOR GONE?”
POLICE MAN
(on telly)
Oh, it’s very, very bad. The Mayor is gone. He is not in his
house. And he normally is in his house.
YELLOW GUY
Does this mean that I can’t have my birthday party?
RED GUY
I don’t know. Everyone seems to be very upset about the Mayor’s
disappearance. Even our funny house has gone sad.
YELLOW GUY
Aw… But I’m already wearing my special birthday buckles on my
shoes! See?
DUCK
Sad house? Birthday buckles? Who cares about all that rubbish?
The town has no Mayor. What are we going to do?
YELLOW GUY
Who’s gonna sing his bit of the song?
RED GUY
Who’s gonna find him?
DUCK
Who’s gonna look after the town while he’s gone?
YELLOW GUY
No, but who’s gonna sing his bit of the song?
RED GUY
No, who’s gonna find him?
DUCK
No, who’s gonna look after the town while he’s gone?
YELLOW GUY
No, but who’s gonna sing his bit of the song?
RED GUY
No, who’s gonna find him?
DUCK
But who’s gonna get his special bowling ball?
Duck opens his pocket and a key flies out and turns into a
bigger size.
THE KEY. He’s gray, tall and mean. Whenever he is acting evil,
he grows a “Hitler-Stache”
KEY
Because security… That’s the key.
DUCK
Oh, look! It’s that little metal stick from earlier. He’s turned
into a real boy.
KEY
No, I’m a key. The Key to the City…
RED GUY
Oh, right. So, do you know what happened to the Mayor?
KEY
But let me ask you a question? Do you love your town?
A beat.
RED GUY
What? Is he talking to me?
DUCK
I love my town! I’ve lived here my whole life.
KEY
Oh, but you don’t wanna protect it?
DUCK
How dare you?!
YELLOW GUY
Protect it from what?
KEY
Well, listen… Listen…
YELLOW GUY
Sounds like…
KEY
LISTEN!!
CUT TO:
KEY
(singing)
They’re creeping around the corner… Fiddling with the door.
Hiding in your garden.. Sleeping on the roof! Renting you a
function room. Stepping on your toe! And now you need the
toilet… THEY’RE MESSING WITH OUR TOWN! What if I brought you a
precious gem, you wouldn’t just leave it lying around? Well,
you’d put it in a box, and cover it with locks and bury it deep
under the ground.
RED GUY
But we’re looking for the Mayor.
YELLOW GUY
I would like a gem!
DUCK
Quiet!
RED GUY
He wasn’t in his house, and he’s nowhere to be found.
KEY
But you said you loved your town! Look at all the danger, any
old stranger could walk right in and pinch you on the legs, Look
inside your lunchbox, take out all your front teeth. Look at
KEY (CONT’D)
this! What a silly mess! It's not secure at all, Some uninvited
guest could sneak right in, and fiddle with the bin lids. Ruin
all our stuff!
BIG IAN
But that belongs to us!
KEY
Well, you’d better lock it up!
MRS. GRENALD
‘Cause we don’t have enough!
POLICE OFFICER
Who’s taking all our stuff?
KEY
I think you need the toilet.
RED GUY
Wait, look, guys. Footsteps leading up to the gate.
(clears throat)
Well, I know this is a song and everything, but aren’t these the
Mayor’s? You know, maybe start a search party…
KEY
But I thought you loved your town... Don't you want to stop
it... From rotting down?
RED GUY
Pretty sure these are the Mayor’s footprints.
DUCK
Then we can make it better!
RED GUY
I’m gonna go.
KEY
And we’ll get this town secure!
RED GUY
(leaving)
Alright, see ya.
LADDER
Wow! You and your key friend really know what you're talking
about when it comes to making Clayhill safe!
MRS. GRENALD
Yeah! Maybe you could be our new mayor!
DUCK
What? Me? The Mayor? Yes. Me. The Mayor!
(singing)
I am your new mayor!!
A green striped black top-hat falls from the sky and lands on
Duck’s head.
DUCK
There! Now everyone in town is all locked up, being safe! All of
our problems are over! I really am brilliant at being the mayor.
And now I can play with the mayor’s prized bowling ball… Eh…
DUCK
Oh, Morgan, go home!
YELLOW GUY
But the old mayor is still missing. But now that the town is
safe, we can finally start my birthday! Yay!
KEY
Oh, yay… Birthdays are my favorite!
YELLOW GUY
Yeah!
KEY
Lucky you… But wait… What’s this?
The Key grabs a scope and secure-checks the present Yellow Guy
is holding.
SCOPE
Secure Alert! Secure Alert!
The Key slaps the present out of Yellow Guy’s hands, it lands in
a bucket of acid.
KEY
Oh phew. Look, it’s melting in the acid.
YELLOW GUY
My present! I hate our new metal brother!
Yellow Guy runs off crying.
KEY
I’m supposed to be a key! See? I told you Mr. Mayor. Danger’s
hiding everywhere.
DUCK
Really? I think that was a Puppy.
KEY
Exactly! That’s what they want you to think, but we know the
truth, don’t we?
DUCK
I… Do we?
KEY
Stranger’s hiding everywhere.
(goes to the window)
See? Who’s that?
DUCK
Who? Oh! That’s Paula The Postbox. She’s been here her whole
life.
KEY
But is it?
DUCK
Yes.
Now, When Duck looks in it, black marker written around Paula
the Postbox has devil horns and a speech bubble reading: “ME
BAD!”
DUCK
Oh my goodness! Not little Pauline the Postbox!
KEY
You see? Nothing is what it seems?
FADE TO:
RED GUY
Mayor? Oh, Mayor Pigface?
RED GUY
This must be the Mayor’s.
MUD-MAN (O.S.)
Ow! You stepped on my face!
Red Steps back and sees a pile of mud, filled with rocks and
twigs. Oh, and it has aface.
RED GUY
Oh, sorry. Have you seen--
MUD-MAN
Do you know what I am?
RED GUY
A pile of--
MUD-MAN
No! I’m a tree!
(sings)
I’m a tree, I’m a free tree! I’m a tree! Oh, a wonderful,
wonderful tre-
RED GUY
Please, Mud-Man, stop!
MUD-MAN
(with angry eyebrows, singing more furiously)
I’M A TREE! I’M FREE! I’M A TREE--
RED GUY
Where did the Mayor go?!
MUD-MAN
Behind me!
RED GUY
Thanks.
CUT TO:
YELLOW GUY
Blah! Bad Mayor. And metal mean stick, he should be called.
Melted my present. My acid.
YELLOW GUY
Whoa! Who are you?
FIZZY MILK
Who me? I guess I’m nobody, like you. Which is the kind of crazy
outcast. But this new mayor? With all these rules. You know what
I say to him?
YELLOW GUY
What?
FIZZY MILK
I say, “Hey, Mr. Mayor. Why don’t you take all your silly rules
and put them out of Clayhill.” Yeah, sick!
YELLOW GUY
What just happened?
FIZZY MILK
If you’re sick of the mayor, and his crazy rules, puff some
Fizzy Milk!
YELLOW GUY
Wow! You are the coolest guy ever! Please teach me how to be
cool, like you?
FIZZY MILK
I don’t think you got what it takes to be as cool as me.
YELLOW GUY
No! Please! I’m cool! I can do it! I wanna smash the system!
FIZZY MILK
If you wanna be a cool skater punk like me, you gotta have a sip
of this! Fizzy Milk!
YELLOW GUY
“Fizzy Milk?” “Boiled Beef Flavor?”
Yellow Guy drinks it and it transforms him into a MO-HAWKED
PUNK!
FIZZY MILK
Congratulations, my friend! You’re almost as cool as me!
Yellow Guy takes a spray-paint can and spray-paints all over the
Poster of the mayor.
CUT TO:
RED GUY
Oh, no. There really are strangers lurking around. Maybe that
rude metal stick was right. Hang on a minute… Mayor Pigface?
MAYOR PIGFACE
(singing)
Mud is brown. A rock is round. I used to be the mayor of the
town. But now I live here, with my new friends. And sleep
underneath the Logs and leaves.
RED GUY
Mayor Pig--
MAYOR PIGFACE
The outside world is kind and simple. There are no troubles to
worry me.
RED GUY
...No. Mayor Pigface, you do realize none of this stuff is even
real!
CUT TO:
RED GUY
Hello?
CUT TO:
MAYOR PIGFACE
The outside world is wonderful! There’s my food. My friends. And
my home!
RED GUY
Mayor, my friend found the key to the city in your office. It’s
trying to make the town “secure.” Whatever that means.
MAYOR PIGFACE
What? Key to the-- Impossible! This is The Key to The City!
Mayor Pigface holds up a golden key.
RED GUY
We gotta get out of here! C’mon, Mayor.
MAYOR PIGFACE
Goodbye, twig people!
Mayor runs off. One of the twig people start crying blood.
CUT TO:
END MONTAGE:
Then looks at the Clayhill people, and DRILLS SLASH INTO THEIR
HEADS. Blood SPLASHES OUT.
CUT TO:
The Mayor and Red Guy arrive at the gates… too late. An angry
bolt has been put on the gates, locking it.
MAYOR PIGFACE
I’m sorry, friend. We’re too late.
MAYOR PIGFACE (CONT’D)
Well, the forest is waiting!
RED GUY
No!
CUT TO:
FIZZY MILK
Dude, so not punk! Do not interrupt the brainwash-- I mean, the
work of our mayor!
YELLOW GUY
No!
Yellow Guy shoves the milk and it spills over some machines. It
electrocutes him and he spills.
The Clayhill residents get free, and the whole thing EXPLODES.
A WHITE SCREEN.
FADE IN:
DUCK GUY
Mayor Pigface! You’re back! I’m sorry about what happened.
MAYOR PIGFACE
Fizzy Milk! Only 12.99 a carton!
DUCK GUY
What?
A FIZZY MILK BOTTLE ROLLS OFF THE TABLE AND SMASHES ON THE
GROUND.
The End.