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02.models and Mortals
02.models and Mortals
02.models and Mortals
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Last night my friend Miranda got invited to a dinner party by a man she hardly
knew (Cut to dinner party) She was the date of Nick Waxler, a fairly successful sports agent who once
told her she had nice legs
NICK: Okay, old movie stars you’d have liked to fuck when they were young?
NICK: It doesn’t matter. I’ll start, Veronica Lake the year she made Sullivans Travels. Dave?
DAVE: I'd have to say Sophia Loren, probably ‘cos my dad has this thing for her
DEANNE: Oh
EVERYONE: Ooooo
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) For a first date Miranda felt like she was hitting it out of the ballpark
MIRANDA: We’ve been riding the same elevator line for years, and then we had lunch a few weeks ago,
and then he invited me here for dinner
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) They told Miranda that Nick had this thing for models (Cut to same dinner party,
another night, with a different date for Nick)
NICK:OK Old movie stars you’d have liked to fuck when they were young. I’ll start: Veronica Lake, the
year she made Sullivan’s Travels. Dave?
DAVE: I'd have to go with Sophia Loren, probably ‘cos my dad had a thing for her
NICK: Yvette?
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) They’d come to dinner, push their food around and pout
(Marissa whispers something in Nick’s ear, gets up and walks out of the room; the men follow her with
their eyes, the women glare)
NICK: She, uh had to make a phone call
DEANNE: You can't bring around any more of these so called models Nick. Uh-uh it's too depressing
NICK: Correct
NICK: Don’t be pissed, all right? (Miranda shakes head) You gotta admit, you met some nice people, you
had a good time, okay? (Goes to kiss her, she backs away)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) you were on a date with a modelizer….(Cut to Carrie and Miranda in a restaurant)
… and you didn’t even know it?
MIRANDA: If men like Nick are dating models what chance do ordinary women have? I mean do you
have to be a supermodel to get a date in New York?
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Modelizers are a particular breed (Cut to Carrie typing on her computer in her
apartment) They’re a step behind womanizers who will sleep with just about anything in a skirt (Cut to
view of woman’s leg) Modelizers are obsessed not with women, but with models who in most cities are
safely confined to billboards and magazines (Cut to lots of billboards) (Cut to street) But in Manhattan,
actually run wild on the streets turning the city into a virtual model country safari where men can pet
the creatures in their natural habitat (man stroking model’s leg)
SAMANTHA: I've been out with a lot of guys and they say I am just as beautiful as a model, but I work for
a living. I'm like, well I'm like a model who’s taken the high road
MIRANDA: The advantages given to models and to beautiful women in general are so unfair, it makes
me puke
MIRANDA: Cute doesn’t cut it in this town. What’s cute compared to supermodel?
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) There's nothing like raising the subject of models among four single women to
spice up an otherwise dull Tuesday night
MIRANDA: Yeah, what I wanna know is when did all the men get together and decide that they would
only get it up for giraffes with big breasts?
(Samantha laughs)
CHARLOTTE: In some cultures heavy women with mustaches are considered beautiful
MIRANDA: We should just admit that we live in a culture that promotes impossible standards of beauty
MIRANDA: Yeah
CHARLOTTE: You know, no matter how good I feel about myself if I see Christy Turlington, I just wanna
give up
MIRANDA: I just wanna force feed her lard, but that’s the difference between you and me
(All laugh)
CARRIE: What are you talking about? Look at you two, you're beautiful
MIRANDA: O come on
CHARLOTTE: I can't even open a magazine without thinking "thighs, thighs, thighs"
MIRANDA: Well I'll take your thighs and raise you a chin
CARRIE: I’ll take you a chin and raise you a … (points at nose)
SAMANTHA: What?
CARRIE: Come on
MIRANDA: You should. You paid enough for it ( Miranda, Carrie and Charlotte all laugh)
SAMANTHA: Hey, I resent that. I do not believe in plastic surgery. Well, not yet
CARRIE: I find it fascinating that four beautiful flesh and blood women could be intimidated by some
unreal fantasy. I mean look, look at this (pulls out magazine) Is this really intimidating to any of you?
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Suddenly, I was interested. If models could cause otherwise rational individuals to
crumble in their presence, exactly how powerful was beauty?
(Cut to gym)
BRAD: A motorcycle, a juicer (Subtitled Brad Fox, catalogue model)
ASHLEIGH : Most guys just think you're dumb, but I'm really very literary. I read (Subtitled Ashleigh B,
lingerie model) I'll sit down and read a whole magazine from cover to cover
(Cut to gym)
BRAD: Some scuba gear, a Herb Ritt's photo
(Cut to park)
XANDRELLA: A Bulgari necklace, a breast job
(Cut to Nick)
NICK: My friends think I'm shallow. Sometimes I think they’re right, other times I think 'Hey I'm fucking a
model'
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Barkley, a notorious modelizer was one of those SoHo wonders who maintained a
fabulous lifestyle despite never having sold a single painting
BARKLEY: No, it's not easy. The trick is you gotta treat ‘em like they're regular girls. You gotta be able to
roll into a place, walk up to the hottest thing there, otherwise you're finished. It's kinda like being
around dogs, you gotta show no fear
BARKLEY: Yeah, well they are things, beautiful things and that’s what my life is about you know, beauty.
Come here I wanna show you something. This is my real art, I can't really show it to the public (Pan to
roughly 10 tvs) well not yet at least (pushes a chair to Carrie) Sit down (Tvs all show him having sex with
women) That’s Vanessa, that’s Tanya, Elana, Katrina
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) I couldn’t believe it. The man had slept with half the perfume ads in September’s
‘Vogue’
CARRIE: (On Screen) Do they, do they know about this?
BARKLEY: Maybe? Oh look at that one (Shows tv screen) She does runway now, but I think she's gonna
be huge someday
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) I didn’t know what to say there really wasn’t anything to say, except… (Cut to
Carrie with a cigarette in her mouth) (On screen) Do you have a light?
(They both watch the tv on which Barkley winks at the camera whilst having sex)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Later that day I was relieved to discover (Cut to Skipper and Carrie walking along a
street) that at least one eligible bachelor got his kicks off the runway
SKIPPER: yeah I think she is so sexy, she's smart and, did she tell you that we made out?
CARRIE: No?
CARRIE: Oooo, so did you call her? You should call her
SKIPPER: I did, like a hundred times, she totally won't return my phone calls. Did she say anything about
me?
CARRIE: No
SKIPPER: I don’t know, maybe she's just busy. Am I not cute enough for her?
SKIPPER: Well, I don’t know (Gives Carrie his phone) Find out for me. I wanna see if I still have a chance
SKIPPER: (on phone) Hey this is Skipper. I'm in the street with Carrie. I just told her how you won't call
me back. So now you have to call me back. You better call me back! No no I'm kidding! I'm joking! But
seriously I hope you call me back and um did I mention this was Skipper? (walks off camera)
CARRIE: (to camera) I believe there is a curse put on the head of anybody who tries to fix up their friends
STANFORD: ‘The Bone’ is like the human equivalent of the sable coat. He's so beautiful that I find
sometimes I have to look away
CARRIE: Where?
STANFORD: Look at him. It's like he travels with his own personal lighting director
STANFORD: Derek, I would like you to meet a very dear friend, Carrie Bradshaw
DEREK: Uh no
STANFORD: The other day Derek and I were walking past his billboard, and he told me he’d like to get a
piece of it for his apartment like maybe his nose, and I said ‘you should get the bulge in your pants’ That
way when women ask how big you are you can say ’14 feet’
STANFORD: (to Derek) Everybody’s talking about you. You are so great. You’re gonna be a star! Have I
told you that enough? (patting his chest excitedly) You're a star! You're a star
CARRIE: (pulling Stanford away) We’d better let you get dressed
DEREK: I am dressed
CARRIE: Oh
DEREK: Bye
CARRIE: Bye
STANFORD: (walking away from Derek) Can you believe anyone that beautiful can be that nice? I keep
dreaming that someday he's just gonna turn around and say ‘Stanford, I love you’
CARRIE: Is he gay?
STANFORD: He denies it, but how could anyone that gorgeous be straight?
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Samantha Jones never missed a major fashion show. She was one of the only
people I knew that thought proximity to beauty made her feel more attractive (Carrie goes to her, the
kiss, and Stanford and Carrie sit down next to Samantha)
CARRIE: Hey sweetie, so wait, what happened, you couldn’t find seats right on the runway?
SAMANTHA: Oh you can see all the flaws from this angle
(Show starts, Barkley sits down in the row behind Samantha and Carrie)
CARRIE: Straight up
SAMANTHA: (Camera cuts to Barkley) Really? He's very cute. You're not dating him?
(Samantha turns to look at Barkley seductively, he winks at her. Derek comes onto the runway and looks
towards Carrie, Samantha and Stanford, The girls both wink at him; Close up of his bum)
(Cut to party)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Later that night we all went downtown for a party (Pan to Carrie on her own) I was
beginning to float away on a sea of sweet potato puffs with smoked salmon and sour cream when… (Big
walks into the party) It was Mr Big : major tycoon, major dreamboat, and majorly out of my league (Big
walks up to Carrie, whose mouth is full)
CARRIE: Cute?
BIG: Well, yeah cute. What are you writing about this week?
CARRIE: Umm well I'm working on a story about men who date models Any thoughts?
BIG: Only that they're very lucky. So what have you discovered about these men who are dating models?
(moves very close to Carrie)
CARRIE: Well, I'm discovering that some of them treat it as a competitive sport and others I think just
need the validation
BIG: and probably others just have a thing for exceptionally beautiful women
CARRIE: Exactly
CARRIE: No, there's nothing wrong. I just think it might become a little monotonous. Puff? (Offering him
an hors d’oeuvre)
BIG: Um no thanks
CARRIE: No, well about half the time I'm at my apartment and the other half I'm over at this coffee shop
on 73rd and Madison
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Suddenly I felt like I was wearing patchouli in a room full of Chanel
BIG: Oh see you around some time I hope (walks away with Misha, but turns back to raise an eyebrow at
Carrie)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) The truth was I thought I had come to terms with my looks the year I turned 30
when I realized that I no longer had the energy to be superficial
SAMANTHA: (Coming up to Carrie) You friend Barkley, he's really been coming on to me. Do you actually
think he believes I'm a model?
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) As Samantha began to get ready for her close up (Samantha looks in mirror
checking herself) I felt it was time to call it a night (Cut to outside) I had never felt so invisible in my
entire life (Hails taxi, as she's getting into one, Derek comes up and stops her)
DEREK: Carrie?
DEREK: No, he's in there giving a neck massage to a Versace model. So where are you going now?
CARRIE: (To camera, smiling) The things you gotta do in the name of research
CARRIE: Thanks
DEREK: The truth is I'm totally neurotic. One minute I can be walking down the street, totally cool, and
the next minute I'm depressed for no reason. I'm totally self conscious, before I say something I say it in
my head first so it doesn’t come out wrong
DEREK: It only takes a second (Takes Carrie’s cigarette, and they touch fingers) and sometimes I get so
distracted
DEREK: It's just so cute. I hate my nose too, it's too big but I think it depends on my hair
CARRIE: Well I think this might be it. What do you want to be when you grow up?
DEREK: I’d like to move back to Iowa and have kids and be a cop
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) I felt like I was in my bedroom when I was 16 and I used to hang out with this guy
who was really beautiful and my parents thought I was helping him with his Chemistry homework
DEREK: Do you mind if we just lie here? I get so lonely in the city. Sometimes it's just nice to lie with
someone
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) It was hard to imagine that anyone so beautiful could ever be lonely (Cut to
supermarket, Miranda is shopping) Meanwhile, somewhere below 14th Street, two ordinary joes were
doing their own lonely late night thing (Skipper comes down another aisle, missing Miranda)
SKIPPER: Hey
SKIPPER: So like how come you haven’t been returning any of my calls?
SKIPPER: You get that way with every guy that you're with?
MIRANDA: No, it's just, don’t you wanna go out with a girl your own age?
SKIPPER: Totally
(Pan to Miranda’s reflection in Skipper’s glasses)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Miranda couldn’t resist the vision of herself reflected in Skipper’s slightly smudged
lenses
SKIPPER: Oh
(They leave)
(Samantha’s looking round for the camera, whilst still having sex)
BARKLEY: What?
SAMANTHA: Uh-huh
BARKLEY: Fine I’ll make an exception (Gets up and reveals camera, you can now see Barkley and
Samantha on all the tvs)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) Samantha demanded nothing less than the same consideration given every other
model in town
(Cut to Carrie’s apartment, the next morning, Carrie and Derek are asleep on the bed. The phone rings)
CARRIE: Hello?
STANFORD: (on phone) Carrie, it's Stanford. Do you have any idea what happened to Derek last night?
STANFORD: Yes?
CARRIE: (holding the phone to her chest, and whispering to Derek) It's Stanford (Derek takes the phone)
CARRIE: Hello?
(Big walks into the café and sits down opposite Carrie)
BIG: I can't stay. I'm late for a meeting, but I've been thinking about your article about men who date
models
BIG: But the thing is, after a while you just wanna be with the one that makes you laugh, you know what
I mean? (Carrie nods) Okay, see ya (Walks out of café, Carrie smiles)
CARRIE: (Voice-Over) I take that back, beauty is fleeting, but a rent controlled apartment overlooking the
park is forever.
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