Life is full of frustrations.

From the minor irritations of losing something to the major problem of

continued failure towards a desired goal.  Since many of the things we truly want require a
degree of frustration, being able to manage frustration is required in order to allow us to remain
happy and positive even in trying circumstances.

Understanding Frustration

Frustration is an emotion that occurs in situations where a person is blocked from reaching a
desired outcome.  In general, whenever we reach one of our goals, we feel pleased and whenever
we are prevented from reaching our goals, we may succumb to frustration and feel irritable,
annoyed and angry. Typically, the more important the goal, the greater the frustration and
resultant anger or loss of confidence.

Frustration is not necessarily bad since it can be a useful indicator of the problems in a person's
life and, as a result, it can act as a motivator to change.  However, when it results in anger,
irritability, stress, resentment, depression, or a spiral downward where we have a feeling of
resignation or giving up, frustration can be destructive.

What Causes Frustration?

Frustration is experienced whenever the results (goals) you are expecting do not seem to fit the
effort and action you are applying. Frustration will occur whenever your actions are producing
less and fewer results than you think they should.

The frustration we experience can be seen as the result of two types of goal blockage, i.e. internal
and external sources of frustration.

Internal sources of frustration usually involve the disappointment that get when we cannot have
what we want as a result of personal real or imagined deficiencies such as a lack of confidence or
fear of social situations.  Another type of internal frustration results when a person has
competing goals that interfere with one another.

The second type of frustration results from external causes that involve conditions outside the
person such as physical roadblocks we encounter in life including other people and things that
get in the way of our goals.  One of the biggest sources of frustration in today's world is  the
frustration caused by the perception of wasting time. When you're standing in line at a bank, or
in traffic, or on the phone, watching your day go by when you have got so much to do, that's one
big frustration.

External frustration may be unavoidable. We can try to do something about it, like finding a
different route if we are stuck in traffic, or choosing a different restaurant if our first choice is
closed, but sometimes there is just nothing we can do about it.  It is just the way life is.  Our goal
in dealing with external sources of frustration is to recognize the wisdom of the the Serenity
Prayer..."God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the
things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."

One can learn that while the situation itself may be upsetting and frustrating, you do not have to
be frustrated.  Accepting life is one of the secrets of avoiding frustration.

Responses to Frustration

Some of the "typical" responses to frustration include anger, quitting (burn out or giving up), loss
of self-esteem and self-confidence, stress and depression.

ANGER: There is a saying "Frustration begets anger and anger begets aggression." Direct anger
and aggression is expressed toward the object perceived as the cause of the frustration. If a
machine does not work, you might hit it or kick it. If someone gets in your way, you could
verbally threaten them or push them aside. If the source of the frustration is too powerful or
threatening for direct aggression, displaced aggression is often used. The aggression is redirected
toward a less threatening and more available object.

An angry person often acts without thinking.  The person has given in to the frustration and they
have given up restraint. Anger can be a healthy response if it motivates us to positive action but
all too often the actions we engage in when angry are destructive.  Indeed, if we could see a
videotape of ourselves getting angry, the humiliation might well help cure us of anger. When you
feel frustration building, you have to practice learned responses that lead to healthy actions
instead of destructive ones.

GIVING UP: Giving up on a goal can be productive if the goal is truly out of reach.   However,
more often giving up (quitting or being apathetic) is another form of giving in to frustration.
When repeatedly frustrated, people can drop out of school, quit jobs, or move away. Apathy is
giving up all of your goals, so you cannot be frustrated by trying to reach them.

We live in difficult time and we have to be persistent in order to accomplish.  Consider how
many projects you began, and then gave up, because you became frustrated and lost patience.
Make a list of things you started and quit because they seemed too difficult. Now calculate the
disappointment and loss you suffered by not dealing with the frustration in a more healthy way. 
Try to remember that quitters never win, and winners never quit. Losing your temper means
you're a quitter.

LOSS OF CONFIDENCE: Loss of confidence is a terrible frequent side effect of giving up and

not fulfilling your goal.  A loss of self-confidence and self-esteem means that If we quit once,
then the next time we plan a goal, we may not be able to accurately assess our ability to carry it
out and we stop trusting ourselves and our own abilities.  This became a self-fulfilling and self-
destructive attitude.  You  need to be able to learn that when the going gets tough, you say to
yourself  "It is worth it!" and by following through, it not only gets the job done, but it builds
self-confidence.
STRESS: Stress is the "wear and tear" our body and mind experiences as we adjust to the
frustrations our continually changing environment.  Too frequently, extreme, or prolonged
frustration and stress strains us and generates distress signals. Our body experiences distress
signals in a variety of ways, often in the form of: irritability, anger, fatigue, anxiety,
headaches, depression, stomachaches, hypertension, migraines, ulcers, heart attacks, or colitis.

DEPRESSION: Depression can affect almost every aspect of your life. It affects people of all
ages, income, race, and cultures. Depression can affect the way you eat and sleep, the way you
feel about yourself, the way one think about things, and the way you interact with others. While
we all feel depression at various appropriate times in our lives, excess or inappropriate
depression cannot be easily dismissed or wished away.

OTHER REACTIONS: Abuse of drugs or alcohol is self-destructive and usually futile attempt at

dealing with frustration, as are many eating and weight problems and addictive behaviors. 
Whenever the immediate effects of the addictive behavior wear off, users find themselves back
in the same, or even worse, frustrating situation.

Learning To Deal With Frustration

It is unrealistic to believe you can rid yourself of frustration forever, but you can learn to do
things to minimize your frustrations and to make sure you do not engage in unhealthy responses
to frustration.

You will need to learn to distinguish between what you hope will happen, what will probably
happen, and what actually happened.  Life inevitably has its ups and downs -- its moments of
relaxation and times of tension. When you learn to truly accept this reality, you come one step
closer to being able to deal with frustration in a healthy way.

There are several types of problems that we encounter in everyday living: those which you know
can be solved, those which you are not sure if they can be solved or not, those you know are
totally out of your control, and those you are so confused about that you do not even know what
the problem is.  You need to be able to accurately assess your abilities to alter situations that
prevent you from solving your problems and reaching your goal.  Then you will be able to assess
which of the types of problems you have encountered, and you will then be able to develop a
realistic plan.

Learning to take things in stride will also help you to be more content and happy which, in turn,
will help you to more easily overcome anger and frustration. If you are upset, sad, anxious, or
depressed you will have less patience and tolerance for everything and everybody.

Treatment of Frustration

Frustration and anger are fundamental emotions that everyone experiences from time to time.
From a very early age, people learn to express frustration by copying the behavior they see
modeled around them, and by expressing frustration and angry behavior and seeing what they
can get away with.

We all suffer from frustration, and being able to effectively deal with frustration is a very
important skill to develop. Each person needs to learn how to control frustration, so that it does
not control them. The following is a brief overview of types of frustration management programs
and resources that have proved helpful in understanding and controlling frustration and anger.

I have found several approaches to treatment that have been effective for my clients including:

Individual and Group Therapy for Anger Management

A therapist, who can observe and analyze your behavior from an impartial perspective, can help
you with your reality testing. A therapist knows many effective frustration and anger
management strategies and will be able to help you develop a personalized set of strategies for
changing both your thinking and behavior.  Depending on your needs, your therapist may work
with you on breathing or meditation exercises to reduce frustration, safe and appropriate
emotional and physical techniques to release frustration, communication skills, or cognitive
restructuring (a method for disputing and changing the way you think).

Relaxation and exercise

Simple relaxation tools such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery can help calm down
feelings of frustration and anger. Breathing deeply, from your diaphragm, will help while
breathing from your chest won't relax you. While breathing, you can slowly repeat a calm word
or phrase such as "relax," "calm down" or "take it easy." Non-strenuous exercise, like yoga, can
relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.  Strenuous and vigorous exercise can also
help you to work off frustration and angry feelings.

Frustration can have a highly damaging impact on our frame of mind. It can turn a positive
person into a person who sees nearly everything  as a problem. It can slow you down, inhibit
your progress, and at times completely immobilize you. We can become so wound up with our
frustration that we do not, and cannot, think or act rationally.  Our frustration can often
exacerbate a situation and create a vicious circle. If we are convinced that our actions are not
working, no matter how hard we try, we are much more likely to reduce, rather than increase, our
chances of success.

Remember, you can not eliminate frustration. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that
will cause you frustration and anger.  Life is filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the
unpredictable actions of others. You can't change that; but you can change the way you let such
events affect you.

If you feel that your degree of frustration is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your
relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to
handle it better. Please contact me or another therapist
All of us feel anxious at times. Normal anxiety can help us to mobilize our resources.  However,
you may be one of those individuals who feels anxious most of the time, often without any
reason. Or you may have anxiety so intense that it terrifies or immobilizes you. Anxiety
disorders are the most common of all the mental problems.

Understanding Anxiety

If you have an unusual amount of anxiety, this normally helpful emotion can keep you from
coping and can disrupt your daily life. Excess anxiety and anxiety disorders are often related to
the biological makeup and to life experiences of the individual. People often misunderstand these
problems/disorders and think they should be able to overcome the symptoms by sheer willpower.
This is often not possible, but there are a wide variety of treatments that can help.

There are a number of anxiety disorders.  Technically, "anxiety disorders" are those defined in
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR) by the American
Psychiatric Association.  It is the standard classification of mental problems/disorders used by
mental health professionals in the United States.

Kinds of Anxiety

If you have anxiety to the degree that it disrupts your life you are far from alone.  The majority
of my clients report anxiety issues.  While there are a number of anxiety disorders, each with its
own distinct features, the common factor in all of them is the anguish caused by anxiety.

Anxiety is chronic and exaggerated worry and tension.  It may be caused by a specific situation
or problem (such as Agoraphobia and Social Phobia) or the anxiety may have no apparent cause.
Having an anxiety disorder means that most of the time you are worrying and anticipating
problems.

Anxiety is often accompanied by a variety of physical symptoms such as trembling, twitching,

muscle tension, fatigue, headaches, irritability, sweating, feeling lightheaded, nausea, feeling like
a lump is stuck in your throat, and difficulty concentrating. Feelings of worry, dread, lack of
confidence, lack of energy, depression, a loss of interest in life, and sleep problems are common.
The symptoms appear to worsen during periods of stress, even the common stresses of everyday
life often aggravate anxiety.

In one form of anxiety, call a Panic Attack, you may experience sudden, unpredictable, and often
unaccountable feelings of terror so extreme that you can not breathe, think you are going "out of
your mind ", or feel like you are about to die or lose complete control.

Another type of anxiety, call Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is the result of having
experienced a traumatic life experience such as having been in an accident, experienced physical
or sexual abuse, lived through events such as a earthquake or hurricane, etc.  As a result of this
trauma, the person suffers future anxiety and panic over the traumatic event and may also have
flashbacks.  

Treatment of Anxiety Problems

You do not need to accept the disruption and pain that anxiety causes.  For the vast majority of
people who come in for therapy, treatment has been shown to be very effective in reducing and
eliminating anxiety and its side effect.

Anxiety can be treated with therapy, coaching, and medication. Many persons have demonstrated
improvement with counseling techniques such as behavioral therapy, cognitive-behavioral
therapy (CBT), and desensitization.  Most patients with mild symptoms can be treated with
supportive counseling and education without need for medication.

Other therapies including relaxation training and medication have been found to be of benefit as
have regular exercise and avoidance of caffeine and alcohol.

Major Anxiety Disorders

In case you want more technical information about the Major Anxiety Disorders, I have listed
them below:

1) Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is much more than the normal anxiety people experience
day to day. It is chronic and exaggerated worry and tension, even though nothing seems to
provoke it. Having this disorder means always anticipating disaster, often worrying excessively
about health, money, family, or work. Sometimes, though, the source of the worry is hard to
pinpoint. Simply the thought of getting through the day provokes anxiety. The source of the
worry may be hard to pinpoint. People with GAD can't seem to let go of their concerns, even
though they usually realize that their anxiety is more intense than the situation warrants. Physical
symptoms that often accompany GAD include trembling, twitching, and muscle tension,
difficulty sleeping and/or un-refreshing sleep, headaches, feeling edgy, irritable or keyed up,
sweating or hot flashes, feeling lightheaded or out of breath, nausea or a need to go to the
bathroom frequently, the sensation of a lump in the throat, fatigue, and difficulty concentrating. 

Excessive anxiety and GAD may be caused by both biological and psychological factors. The
symptoms appear to worsen during periods of stress. Although some studies have reported that
GAD runs in families, others have not found this connection. GAD usually does not cause people
to avoid situations but it is the thinking, dwelling, ruminating, and inability to shut the mind off
that so incapacitates the person. At times, all thoughts seem almost non-existent because the
anxious feelings are so dominant. Feelings of worry, dread, worthlessness, lack of
energy, depression,and a loss of interest in life are common. Many times there is no cause for
these feelings and the person realizes these feelings are irrational. Nevertheless, the feelings are
very real.
The normal stresses of everyday life often aggravate generalized anxiety. The person who
typically performs well at work and receives a sense of accomplishment from it suddenly feels
that work has become drudgery. If work is perceived as a negative environment, and the person
no longer feels fulfilled, then considerable additional anxiety and worry takes place. The same
process can also happen with the person's home life, marital and sex life, and social life. 

2) Panic Disorder

A person with a panic disorder has feelings of terror that strike suddenly and repeatedly with no
warning. They cannot predict when an attack will occur, and many develop intense anxiety
between episodes, worrying when and where the next attack will strike. In a panic attack the
person may feel their heart pounding, they may feel sweaty, weak, faint, dizzy, feel  flushed or
chilled, they may feel nauseous, feel like they can't breathe, that they are having a heart attack,
are going “crazy”, or feel like they are about to die or lose control.

3) Agoraphobia

Agoraphobia is the abnormal fear of expecting or experiencing a difficult or embarrassing

situation from which the sufferer cannot find an escape. The word is an English adoption of the
Greek words agora and phobos, literally translated in modern Greek as "a fear of the
marketplace".  This translation is the reason of the common misconception that agoraphobia is a
fear of open spaces. This is most often not the case since people suffering from agoraphobia
usually are not afraid of the open spaces themselves, but of public spaces or of situations where a
person is afraid of having a panic attack and will not be able to receive help. As the panic attacks
occur more frequently, the person begins to fear going anywhere outside of their security zone.
Thus, it is common for the person with agoraphobia to avoid travel and stay close to home.

4. Social Anxiety Disorder or Social Phobia

Social phobia is a persistent fear of one or more situations in which the person is exposed to
possible scrutiny by others and fears that he or she may do something or act in a way that will be
humiliating or embarrassing.  People with social phobia are nervous, anxious, and afraid about
many social situations. This persistent and irrational fear of situations in which the person feels
they may be closely watched and judged by others, as in public speaking, eating, or using public
facilities, includes most any type of social interaction, especially small groups, dating, parties,
talking to strangers, and restaurants.

5. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is the result of a person having experienced a traumatic
life experience.  As a result of this trauma, the person suffers future anxiety and panic over the
traumatic event. For example, severe wartime experiences not only elicit on-gong and future
anxiety and stress, but they may induce future flashbacks and panic attacks. Other post-traumatic
conditions include rape or other sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and living through negative
natural events, such as a devastating earthquake or hurricane.