\ f Our UrGENT NEED FOR SELF-ESTEEM Nathaniel Branden Nathaniel Branden (1930- ) is a renowned psychotherapist and writer, He is best known for his contribution to the psychology of selfesteem. The Most famous of his books are The Psychology of Selfesteem (1969), The Six Pillars of Selfesteem (1994) and My years with Ayn Rand (1999). In this essay, Nathaniel Branden attempts to define self-esteem.}He discusses the differences between high and low self-esteem and the need to possess high selfesteem. He mentions that self-esteem is a ‘basic human need! and is required to face the ‘basic challenges of life’. To be ambitious and successful high self-esteem is imperative and in the present increasingly complex, challenging and competitive world self-esteem has gained a new significance. = Of all the judgments we pass in life, none is more important than the judgment we pass on ourselves. That judgment impacts every moment and every aspect of our existence. O1 Y | self-evaluation is the basic context im which we act and react a ee values set our goals, meet the challenges that '. confront us. Our responses to events are shaped in part } whom and what we think we are — our self-esteem. eh eG lied 2 4 Competent 10 Cope am Self-esteem is the experience of being competent to Scope Wis the basic challenges of life and of being worthy of happine Tt consists of two components: 1) self-efficacy—confiden in our ability to think relief that achievement, succe' > love and fulfillment are appropriate to tputed —+ Our Urgent Need for Self-esteem 39 The basic challenges of life include such fundamentals as being able to earn a living and take independent care of oneself in the world; being competent in human relationships, so that ‘our interactions with others are, more often than not, mutually satisfying; and having the resiliénce that urs one to bounce_ = —— back from adversity and persevere iff one’s aspirations. Bhat alercen is-a basic human need is to say that it is essential to normal and healthy development. It has survival value. Lacking positive self-esteem, psychological growth is stunted. Positive self-esteem operates, in effect, as providing resistance, strength, and a capacity for regeneration. When self-esteem is low, our resilience in the face of life’s problems is diminished. We tend to be more influenced by the desire to avoid pain than to experience joy; negatives have more power over us than positives. If we do not believe in ourselves—neither in our efficacy nor in our goodness (and lovability)—the world is a frightening place. To women who are throwing off traditional gender roles, fighting for, emotional and intellectual autonomy,’ pouring in escalating numbers into the workplace, starting their own business, invading one formerly male bastion after another, challenging millennium-old prejudices — self-esteem is indispensable. To be sure, it is not all that is needed for success, but without it the battle cannot be won. For women and men alike, if we do have a realistic confidence in our mind and value, if we feel secure within ourselves, we tend to respond appropriately to challenges and opportunities /Self-esteem empowers, energizes, motivates. It inspires us to Shieve and allows us to take. pleasure and pride \ in our achievements ee : IGH SeLr-EsTEEM ci self-esteem seeks the challenge and stimulation of W and demanding goals. Reaching such goals elf-esteem. Low self-esteem-seeks the safety and undemanding. Confining oneself to the manding serves to weaken self-esteem. --Coursk IN ENGLISH LrrerATURE AND LANGUAGE solid our self-esteem, the better equipped | : Pari croubles that arise in our Careers OF ial onal life; the quicker we are to pick ourselves up afte e more energy we have to begin anew.4¢ca ial ~The higher our self-esteem, the more ambitious we te] to be, not necessarily in a career or findncialsense, but i terms of what we hope to experience in life—emotionall “romantically, intellectually, creatively, and spiritually. fower our self-esteem, the less we aspire to, and the less are likely to achieve. Either path tends to be self-reinforci and self-perpetuating. Pe higher-our self-esteem, the stronger the drive t express ourselves, reflecting the sense of richness within. TI Tower our self-esteem, the more urgent the need to “prove urselves—or to forget ourselves by living mechanically. aim higher our self-esteem, the more open, honest, amt propriate our communications are likely to be, because believe our thoughts haye value and therefore we welco’ rathep, than fea fhe a arity. The lower our self-esteem, thi more fniuddy, evasive, and inappropriate our communication are likely to be, because of uncertainty about our own thought and feelings and anxiety about the listener’s response.) higher our self-esteem, the more dkpdRed we are nourishing rather_than toxic relationships. Health # cted to health:| Vitality and expansiveness in others 4 “naturally more appealing to persons of good self-esteem tha ptiness and dependency. : { Ifyou hope to achieve a happy relationship with someo® factor is more_important than self-esteem—in you le other person.|There is no greater barrier to £0! "Success than the deep-seated feeling that one is unlovable. love we must consurhmate successfully in this oes y tl ire we ready for a relat I ve be fully able to love, and only fly let love in—to accept that anoth hi ic‘ Baye Our Urgent Need for Self-esteem 41 never be quite real or convincing to us; and in our anxiety we may find ways to undermis it wer € ae Self-esteem is an intimate experience; it resides in the core of one’s being. It is what I think and feel about myself, not what someone else thinks or feels about me. I can be loved by my family, m mat and my friends, and yet. ‘e myself. Ican be adrnired by my as8ociate ‘aa worthless. I can project an image of fools almost, everyone and yet secretly t with a sense of my inad lequacy. I can fulfill the expectations of others, and yet fail my own; I can win every honor, and yet feel I have act in| lished nothing; | can be ad@red by millions, and yet wake and emptiness. Eye To attain “success” without attaining positivg”self-esteem is to be condemned to feeling like an ieee anxiously awaiting exposure. The acclai others does not create our self-esteem. p17 Fz ar i, iia Six Pittars oF SeLr-EstEem Over three decades of study and of working with people have persuaded me that there are six pillars on which health self esteem depends. 1. Living Consciously. To live consciously is to be present to at we are dding; to seek to understand whatever bears on our interests, values, and goals; to be aware both of the world external to self and also to the warld within. ~ 2. Self-acceptance. To be self-accepting is_to_own. and “experience, without denial or disowning, the reality of our thoughts, emotions and actions; to be respectful and compassionate toward ourselves even when we do not Pe i decisions; to - admire or enjoy some of our feel ngs refuse to be in an adversarial or rejecting rel ourselves. S : _ Self-responsibility. To be self-responsible is to recognize that we are the author of our choices and actions; that t timate source of our own fulfillme: d _and yet regard’ myself as iy : : dot up each morning with a sickening sense of fraudulenceo ©oe 42 InsicHTs: A Course In ENGLIsH LITERATURE AND LaNc no one is coming to make our life right for us, or make ? happy, or give us self-esteem. 4. Be ioeness To be self-assertive is to honor oup wants and needs and look for their appropriate forms of, €xpression in reality; to live our values in the world; to) be willing to be who we are and allow others to see it; to stand up for our convictions, values, and feel ngs ( 5. Living Purposefully. To live purposefully is to take Tesponsibility for identifying our goals: to perform the} § actions that allow us to achieve them: t: keep on track} © and moying toward their fulfillmen : re 6. Personal Integrity. To live with integrity is to have) 2 Principles of behavior to which we remain loyal in action;| © to keep our promises and honor our commitme nts; tay walk our talk. Se se Now An Urcent Neep Tact i Our need for self-esteem has acquired new urgency. It hay“ always been an important psychological nee, bur today it is} a also an important economic need—the atttibute | iperative| 2 for adaptiveness to an increasingly complex, chal ging and)” competitive world. We now live in a global €conomy characterized by rapid] M aa age sseientificandr hnological breakthroughs, 2 and an uipriGedenced level _of competitiveness. These} V. developments create demands or higher levels of educatiol and training, These developments also Create new demandson| T¢ our psychological resources, Sp. ed 1, ask for a greater capacity for novation, self-management! personal responsibility, and self-direction ;This is not just asked many people who do what they are told (the t1 mmand-and-control model), Today, org ecedentedly high leve] O parti Ci————— d AEE : Selresteem are now needed economically in large numbers. Historically, this is a new phenomenon, and so in a very real sense, self-esteem is an idea whose time has come. GLOSSARY self-esteem @ good opinion of oneself challenges “demanding or difficult tasks or situations resilience ability to recover OE adversity misfortune escalating increasing male bastion stronghold of males self-reinforcing strengthened by self self-perpetuating preserved and continued by self toxic poisonous consummate complete (here) fraudulence deception imposter a person who pretends to be someone else imperative essential MAIN EXERCISES ENHANCEMENT