( mỗi trang e viết 1 bài nhé để em chừa chỗ chị chữa cho em :>> )

Cocoa Beans

The diagram describes how cocoa beans are processed. Overall, the process is consisted of consists of
three steps; from picking whole cocoa beans to the delivering of cocoa powder and chocolates as main/
final products to consumers.

In the first step, cocoa beans are harvested and selectively picked before going through the drying
process, which peels its shell out of the beans. In the next step, beans are pressed to the liquor state. At
From this stage, different products can be made to serve different purposes.

On the one hand, Aafter further pressing the liquor, cocoa cake can be made, which can produce cocoa
powder after a griding ( grinding chứ nhỉ chị tại em thấy ảnh ghi “griding”) procedure. This powder can
then be used to makes drinks or cakes. On the other hand, industrial chocolates are made by adding
sugar to the liquor cocoa through a further refining stage.

Finally, final processing procedure comes in to produces finished chocolate products, which are brought
to consumers after packaging. ( exactly 150 words đã trừ phần ghi chú nhé chị :>>> )
Bài viết có mạch tốt, sử dụng từ nối chỉ các bước tốt, nhưng có chỗ vẫn cần thêm linking words (on the
one hand). Sai vài lỗi ngữ pháp (chia động từ, giới từ chọn chưa hợp lý).

Chị chia lại đoạn cho rõ ràng hơn và cân đối hơn.

Overall: 8.5

Museum visitors

The diagram represents four international museums’s number of visitors from 1980 to 2015.

It can be observed that the London Science Museum is was the only museum in which the number of
visitors decreased twofold in the span of 35 years while the three other three museums’s visitors count /
that of the other three (museums) increased in the same period of time.

In the first 10 years, the Shenzhen Museum witnessed a gradually decrease of almost 25% in the
number of visitors, from around 4 millions to 3 millions at the end of 1990. However, the reduction of
visitors had slowed down in the next 10 years before rose rising up again in the last 15 years.

The Vatican Museums was were steadily rocketing in the number of visitors for the whole period,
almost doubled its visitors in 2015 (how many?) compared to 1980. On the other hand, while the Louvre
also recorded a significant increase in the number of visitors, there was a period in between 1995 and
2000 where the museum witnessed a slightly drop. (164 words)
Mạch bài rõ ràng, sử dụng từ nối để liên kết các câu tốt. Chỉ ra được các trend nổi bật nhưng đôi chỗ vẫn
thiếu data (Vatican museums, không có số liệu cho London Science Museum)

Lỗi ngữ pháp (Ving, chia động từ)

Lỗi word choice (represent)

Overall: 7.5

Energy Consumption

The diagram represents data from the Annual Energy Outlook 2008 of about the amount of energy
consumed in the USA since 1980 with prediction until 2030.

No overview?

It is easy to see that coal, petrol, oil, the three typical non-renewable sources of energy are/have been
recorded to be increasingly consumed and are expected to continue to rise in the near future. From
1980 to the present, all three types of fuel have witnessed slight fluctuation but still in an increase
increasing trend. While energy provided from natural gas is predicted to stablized in the future, the
amount of energy consumed by the other two types of fuel is expected to shoot up to almost doubled in
1980.
 On the other hand, the renewable sources of energy witnessed a “slow, but sure” increase in the
amount of energy used. The projection indicates the same result in the future where these sources of
energy will increase slightly in the amount of energy used. Particularly, nuclear power is expected to
doubled its figure in 1980, while hydropower is predicted to increase the least. (171 words)

Chưa có overview. Cả bài không có một số liệu nào để dẫn chứng.

Đã có sự chia đoạn rõ ràng mạch lạc.

Nhiều lỗi ngữ pháp, có lỗi spelling nhưng không đáng kể.

Overall: 6.5