Mindfulness

Mindfulness is one of the core ideas of therapy.

As it helps individuals accept and tolerate the powerful emotions they

may feel when challenging their habits or exposing themselves to
upsetting situations.
Mindfulness is an awareness of thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and
behavioral urges. By learning mindfulness, we are empowered to
be in charge of ourselves in a different way. It has been proven that
awareness assists in emotional regulation. As we understand
ourselves, we accept ourselves and change ourselves. It is a
practice of attention and intention.
In therapy, core mindfulness begins with the concept of states
of mind. According to the theory, there are three states of mind that
we are all in at varying times: wise mind, logical mind, and
emotional mind. Wise mind is the ideal state of mind that we strive
for from which to make our decisions. The other two states of mind
combine to form wise mind. Logical mind is the state of mind that
people use when doing math, reading a map, and various other
concrete tasks. It is described as the “cool” state of mind that we
use to deal with empirical facts. The last state of mind is emotional
mind. Emotional mind is the state of mind in which we feel the
depth of our emotions and act from an emotional state. In an
extreme, this state of mind would be used if we reacted impulsively
out of anger, without regard to consequences. This is considered
the “hot” state of mind.
Wise mind is the state of mind in the middle of both logical and
emotional mind. In wise mind, we are aware of our feelings, and
we decide how to act in a way to honour our feelings and goals. In
wise mind if we were angered, we would acknowledge our feelings
and act in a way that would not create negative consequences for
ourselves.

These skills are taught through the “what” skills of core

mindfulness: observe, describe, and participate. “The goal is to
develop a lifestyle of participating with awareness; participation
without awareness is characteristic of impulsive
and mood dependent behaviors” 

“WHAT” Skills: Observe, Describe and Participate

 Observe or attend to thoughts, feelings, events, and behaviors

without trying to change them—we just collect data. We want
to know how we respond to certain events in our lives. After
we become aware through observation, we want to describe
our experience.
 Describing is the second “what” skill of core mindfulness.
The more accurately and richly we describe our experience,
the more empathy and self-control we can access. It is
important to separate the experience from reality and
understand that feeling and thoughts are not facts. For
example, remember the example of a child getting hurt while
falling off the cycle.
  The final “what” skill of core mindfulness is to participate
without self-consciousness? To participate, we are fully
present in the moment. We try to become more present and
alive in each moment of our lives.

“HOW” Skills: Non-judgementally, one-mindfully, and effectively

 The final aspect of core mindfulness are the “how” skills:
non-judgmentally, one-mindfully, and effectively. Non-
judgmentally means taking a non-evaluative approach,
judging something as neither good nor bad. Instead of judging
events, this therapy teaches looking at consequences of
behaviors and events.

 One-mindfully is a way to help focus on the task at hand. We

practice controlling our attention and focusing on one thing in
the moment. We do not let worry thoughts or negative mood
influence our task. One-mindfully is the opposite of multi-
tasking.

 Effectively, or doing what works, is the final “how” skill of

core mindfulness. Effectively is understanding and acting
according to a goal rather than acting according to what we
deem as “right or fair”. It empowers us to act from our goals
and objectives versus judgments. It is a tool for enabling
action on a single goal versus endless contemplation.
The main objective is to develop awareness and insight in order to
behave in ways that attain our goal of Acceptance.

Radical acceptance
Radical acceptance is when you stop fighting reality, stop responding with
impulsive or destructive behaviors when things aren't going the way you want
them to, and let go of bitterness that may be keeping you trapped in a cycle of
suffering.

Radical acceptance is when you stop fighting reality, stop responding with
impulsive or destructive behaviors when things aren’t going the way you want
them to, and let go of bitterness that may be keeping you trapped in a cycle of
suffering. To truly accept reality, we must understand the facts about the past
and present, even if they may be uncomfortable or undesirable. By examining
the cause of events or situations that cause pain, we can be better equipped to
move forward with a life worth living even when pain may arise.

By embracing reality rather than rejecting it, individuals are able to break the
cycle of suffering, unhappiness, bitterness, anger, shame, guilt, or other
undesirable emotions. Getting through tough times isn’t easy. By choosing to do
nothing about pain and suffering or using unhealthy coping habits rather than
accepting pain is what makes many people feel stuck. Once individuals can
accept reality while simultaneously not approving of it is when change can be
made.

Turning the Mind

Imagine you are at a fork in the road. To one side is a path of rejection and
continued suffering. To the other side is acceptance. Here is where one must
make a choice. Turning the mind towards acceptance takes you down a path
towards ending the suffering. To turn our minds, we must observe that we are
not accepting of a situation. Emotions like anger, bitterness, or thinking “why
me?” are indicators of non-acceptance. We must make an inner commitment to
accept reality as it is. Keep making this inner affirmation to turn your mind
towards acceptance each time you are faced with pain or suffering and develop
a plan for catching yourself in the future when you drift away from acceptance.
Once you are able to turn your mind, you are choosing to take another step
towards feeling better.

One important factor of reality acceptance is about being willing and ready to
participate fully in life and living. Willingness might not be the most fun or
exciting part of recovery, but it signals that you are doing what is necessary
wholeheartedly. Listen carefully to your Wise Mind and separate willingness
from wilfulness. Wilfulness may look like refusing to tolerate the moment or
make necessary changes, giving up, or an insistence on being in control or
fixing every situation. Flipping wilfulness to willingness gives the power back
to the individual to truly be at peace with reality.

Radical acceptance does not mean that you agree with what is happening or

what has happened to you. Rather, it signals a chance for hope because you are

accepting things as they are and not fighting against reality. 

While this can be hard to practice when things are going very badly, letting your

emotions run wild will only add to your suffering and the pain you are

experiencing. It’s true that you can cause more misery to yourself when you

avoid or dwell. 

Some people might think that forgiveness and radical acceptance are the same

thing. In fact, they are very different. Forgiveness involves extending an act of
kindness to the other person whereas radical acceptance is the extension of an

act of kindness to yourself.

Reality Acceptance Skills

Whereas the goal of crisis survival is to get through the crisis without making it worse, the

goal of reality acceptance skills (Sections X–XV) is to reduce suffering and increase freedom

when painful facts cannot be changed immediately, if ever. There are five sets of reality

acceptance skills.

Acceptance of reality—of life as it is in the moment—is the only way out of hell. It is the

way to turn suffering that cannot be tolerated into pain that can be tolerated. We can think of

it as follows:

 Pain + non-acceptance = Suffering and being stuck

 Pain + acceptance = Ordinary pain (sometimes extremely intense) and the possibility

of moving forward

Half-Smiling and Willing Hands

The skills of half-smiling and willing hands are usually taught together and are ways to

accept reality with the body. In half-smiling, facial muscles are relaxed, with lips slightly

upturned at the corners. Because emotions are partially controlled by facial expressions

adopting this facial expression helps clients feel more accepting. In willing hands, the hands

are unclenched, with palms up and fingers relaxed. Willing hands are the opposite of

clenched hands, which are indicative of anger and of fighting to change reality.