(This is an old English project I dug up, it's really bad

so please don't read it.)

EXT. NOWHERE - BEFORE TIME

OVER BLACK

CHYRON: Part I - Creation and meatballs

In the beginning, there was nothing, and everything was engulfed in a bright white light, that is,

except for a lone IKEA.

EXTERIOR SHOT OF IKEA, SURROUNDED ON ALL SIDES BY A BLINDING LIGHT. IT

APPEARS TO BE BUT A DOT ON THE SCREEN.

The IKEA has always been; it predates time and space, and it is here where we find the origin of

life, as well as incredibly low prices on quality furniture. The store was lined with Totebo light

beige UPPLAND (R) Sofas and NORDLI (R) Queen Beds with headboard and storage.

TRUCKING SHOT SHOWING ALL OF THE AMAZING FURNITURE IN THE IKEA.

However, at the center of the IKEA; the most vital substance to the life-force of the universe, were

the legendary and carb-free IKEA MEATBALLS.

MICHAEL BAY-SYTLE HERO SHOT DOLLYING AROUND THE MEATBALLS ON A HIGH

MM LENS. THE CAMERA REVEALS THE TORSO OF A PERSON STANDING NEXT TO THE

MEATBALLS. THE FIGURE IS WEARING A UC SANTA CRUZ BANANA SLUGS T-SHIRT.

Alas, the camera pans up and it is revealed that the figure is Vincent Vega [John Travolta], and his

partner in crime, Jules Winfield [Samuel L. Jackson]. Vincent is eating the meatballs; Jules doesn't
dig on swine.

It's a slow day; Marcellus Wallace is busy...

As they stand and talk, someone appears at the doors of the IKEA.

WE GET A FRONT-ON SHOT OF THE DOOR. WE CAN ONLY SEE THE SILHOUETTE OF THE

MAN STANDING, AND HIS SHADOW IS CAST ONTO THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF US.

Vincent stops slobbering all over the meatballs, and the guys turn to face the doorway.

THE MAN in the doorway has the whole Wild-West getup - a black hat, a Clint-Eastwood style

poncho, and most importantly, he brandishes a REVOLVER - plated in gold with an ivory handle,

slung on his left thigh such that he can cross-draw it with his right hand.

Vincent and Jules are not impressed; they've seen plenty of cowboy wannabes before. We do not

see his face as the man lights a cigar, just the top of his hat. He turns to look up, and it is revealed

that he is none other than Henry Fonda!

HENRY FONDA

Any meatballs left?

Vincent glances at the meatballs. There are two meatballs.

VINCENT VEGA

Well, looks like we're...

Looks like we're shy one meatball.

HENRY FONDA

(shaking head slowly)

You brought one too many.

 JULES WINFIELD

Well, I don't eat meatballs, so you could ha...

BANG! BANG!

Henry shot both of them.

They were unarmed, and all they wanted was to eat meatballs and sleep on quality furniture.

As their bodies fell, however, the sacred meatballs fell to the ground. Upon impact, they exploded.

The IKEA blew apart, destroying all of the discount furniture. All the matter in the universe was

contained in those two meatballs; and the explosion is ever-expanding.

FADE IN:

EXT. SOMEWHERE IN THE WEST - DAY

OVER BLACK

CHYRON: Part II - The man with the golden gun

CHYRON: 3.8 billion years before the war

CHYRON: Somewhere in the wild west

About 10 billion years after the events in Part I, the Earth has been formed from the matter in the

meatballs, but it is nothing more than a dry, barren landscape.

WIDE SHOT OF A VAST DESERT LANDSCAPE, WITH SAND AS FAR AS THE EYE, CAN SEE,

AND ROCKS LITTERED ABOUT.

THE CAMERA PANS ACROSS THE DESERT, UNTIL LANDING ON AN EXTREME CLOSE OF

A MANS FACE.
The man is sitting in a rocking chair on his porch, and two men are in the house playing poker

behind him. The man continues rocking in his chair as he stares out into the empty desert. His eyes

are half-closed - squinting - and he appears as though he is about to fall asleep.

The men in the house exchange banter, but we can't understand anything they are saying.

One of the men in the house begins laughing; he has clearly won the game. The man in the house

looks out the doorway and immediately stops laughing. The 3 men focus on something far off in

the distance.

The man on the porch cautiously gets up from his rocking chair and stands there unsure whether or

not he should stay outside or run inside.

REVERSE SHOT. FAR OFF IN THE DISTANCE, A MAN APPROACHES ON A HORSE. HE IS

BARELY VISIBLE, AND LOOKS ALMOST AS IF HE IS A MIRAGE, AND SLOWLY RIDES

TOWARDS THE MEN.

The man in the distance still approaches the camera and is close enough that the men in the house

can begin to make out the outline of his body.

MAN FROM PORCH

(anxiously)

Get the gun!

The man on the porch finally decides to run inside, first slowly, then quickly. The WINNER grabs

the only rifle, the LOSER draws his pistol.

The men stare out the window as the man gets close enough that they can begin to distinguish his

facial features. The men grow increasingly anxious until the 'winner' cannot handle the tension

anymore, and, gun in hand, runs out onto the porch and aims his rifle at the man. The man is
immediately shot and killed. His brains splatter all over the door frame, and his body falls to the

ground such that the men inside see his dead corpse.

The 2 remaining men in the house are shocked when the LOSER decides to bolt out of the house,

but he doesn't make it far before he is shot down, to bloody resolve. The man from the porch, the

only remaining man, stays in the house fearing that if he leaves he will be shot down. He eagerly

watches as the man on the horse, who has finally reached the shack, dismounts his horse.

The MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN [Henry Fonda] wields a big rifle; made from polished iron

and a wooden stock. It has a tall iron sight and a ridiculously long barrel.

He wears a bright yellow bandanna and still brandishes the golden revolver with which he killed

Vincent and Jules.

He slowly walks inside the house as the man from the porch eagerly waits in the corner. The man

with no name turns to face the man in the corner, and they lock eyes. There is a long moment of

silence.

MAN FROM PORCH

(eagerly)

Who are you?

The man does not reply. He grabs a bottle of booze off of the table and begins to guzzle it. He spills

some of it on himself, and wipes his mouth with his sleeve as the man in the corner watches

anxiously. The man puts down his drink and reaches into his pocket to pull out a piece of paper. It

is a wanted poster. He shows it to the man huddled in the corner.

MAN WITH NO NAME

You seen this man before?

The man in the corner takes a deep breath.

MAN FROM PORCH

(nervously)

He's behind you.

The two men turn to face the lifeless body of the winner, whose head has been blown clean off.

Golden Gun turns around to take another drink.

While his back is turned, however, the man in the corner quickly draws his gun, but not quickly

enough; Golden Gun swiftly draws him and the screen cuts to black as the gunshot is heard.

CUT TO:

THE FIRST FILM BY

RICHARD TOWNSLEY

FADE IN:

EXT. SUBURBAN HOME - 2.2 BILLION YEARS LATER

OVER BLACK

CHYRON: Part III - Rock and roll

CHYRON: 2.993 billion years later.

We learn that the events from Part II, the blood of the three slaughtered men, led to the creation of

the oceans, and the flesh of the men decomposed and became the vegetation, the grass, of the

Earth.

Things have changed since then as well - the barren landscape has been conquered, and Golden
Gun now resides in a suburban-type house. He is a mafia boss.

GROUND-LEVEL WIDE SHOT: A TYPICAL SUBURBAN HOUSE; IT IS SURROUNDED BY

VIBRANT GREEN GRASS AND TWO IDENTICAL LOOKING HOUSES ON EITHER SIDE OF

IT.

A piece of newspaper blows across the sidewalk in front of the house, like a tumbleweed. The

neighborhood is silent, with the exception of a few birds singing in the distance...

WHEN...

The front wheel of a car rolls into FRAME and stops. The car blasts The Beatles “REVOLUTION”.

We can only see the tires and the bottom half of the car. The car is jet black, the rims are golden.

We move up to see more details. On the car door, there is a long, deep SLICE just underneath the

car door handle; it looks as though it was done by a knife. The windows are tinted black. The front

passenger seat window has three bullet holes in it. We stop and observe this window until the driver

of the car rolls it down. And its BRAD PITT.

Brad Pitt wears a bright red and black racing jacket. The jacket has racing logos patched on the

shoulder, and a giant “43” embroidered on the back and lapel. The man also sports a NASCAR cap

and black leather gloves.

He reaches over to the glove compartment.

CU: Inside the compartment is a gun, bullets, a silencer, and some cassette tapes. The man pulls out

one of the tapes, labeled "SOUNDS OF THE SIXTIES" He puts the tape into his car radio and old-

timey rock n' roll begins playing. The mysterious man dances and mouthes the words to the song as

he reaches back into his glove compartment to fish out his gun and silencer. As he puts his gun
together he looks out the window.

OTS. The DRIVER looks out his window to observe the house. We do a CRASH ZOOM into the

window of the house as we see a man inside. The man inside the house is wearing a tuxedo, and is

fixing his bow tie; he must be an important person.

FREEZE-FRAME. TITLE: Henry Fonda.

TITLE APPEARS: Leader of local mob; responsible for the deaths of 143 innocent people.

The man in the car finishes screwing on the silencer to his gun, and after shoving the magazine into

the gun, he sticks the gun in the back of his pants and exits the car. He shuts the door and the music

STOPS.

AS PITT WALKS TOWARDS THE HOUSE, WE GET A HIP-LEVEL TRACKING SHOT THAT

SHOWS THE GUN STUFFED IN THE BACK OF HIS PANTS.

Brad Pitt arrives at the door and rings the doorbell. We observe crime boss Fonda as he walks to the

door to answer it. Before he answers it, however, we see him grab his BIG GOLDEN REVOLVER

off of the table. He opens the door while concealing the gun in his hand behind the door-frame.

HENRY FONDA

(in his Henry Fonda drawl)

Who are you?

Brad Pitt does not answer for a couple of seconds, and Fonda grips the BIG GOLDEN REVOLVER

he is hiding, while the driver prepares to draw his pistol. The two stare for a couple of seconds...

...until...

...Golden Gun cannot handle the tension anymore. He attempts to draw and shoot the driver, but
Pitt rams him headfirst into the house, causing him to drop his gun.

The door slams behind them, as the two men struggle on the floor. Pitt has Fonda pinned down, but

when the driver tries to pull out his gun out from the back of his pants, Fonda kicks out his leg from

underneath him.

The two men struggle on the floor until Pitt kicks Fonda across the room. Pitt picks up a bottle of

wine, while Fonda grabs a fire poker. The two dance around the room, separated by a big wooden

COFFEE TABLE in the center of the room. The two men occasionally jab at each other, until Pitt

makes a move.

CU: The driver drops the wine bottle, which crashes onto the hardwood floor and shatters in slow

motion.

Brad Pitt flips the table in the center of the room towards Fonda, confusing him long enough that he

can run and grab his pistol. He shoots through the table into Fonda's head.

The table falls forward, with Fonda's body on top. His body disintegrates into dust, and the dust

blows away into the wind. This dust will soon form the first humans. All that is left is his GOLDEN

GUN, lying in a pool of blood on the hardwood table.

The driver breathes a sigh of relief before drawing the blinds on the window. He walks out of the

house and locks the door behind him. As he walks back to his car, he disassembles his gun.

Brad Pitt gets in the car and puts his gun back into the glove compartment, and fishes out another

tape, titled "BEST OF SURF GUITAR. " He puts the tape into the radio and starts his car. Satan's

Pilgrim's "THE GODFATHER" plays as he rides away.

FADE TO BLACK