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12-21-2006, 03:20 PM #1

Ben Richards

I <3 rasadancer's feet

Join Date: Dec 2006

Location: Around The World

Posts: 725

Anti Joke Thread

Man: Doctor, I've broken my leg.

Doctor: I'm afraid it is a very bad break. You will never walk properly again.
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband has been killed.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

A man walks into a pub.

He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?

She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low
self-esteem.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

What do you call a cat with no tail?

A Manx cat.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do undertakers wear ties?

Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their

appearance has a degree of gravitas.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?

One.

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Why do women fake orgasms?

Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

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Two men are sitting in a pub.

One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men
coming in and out of your wife's house.'

The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her
drug habit.'

-------------------------------------------------------------------

What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple?

Being raped.

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Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and
runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?

Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals

in the largely unpopulated rainforest

__________________

My father used to say that not playing to win is like sleeping with your sister.
Sure she's a great piece of tail, with a blouse full of goodies, but... it's just
illegal. Then you get into that whole inbred thing. Kids with no teeth who do
nothing but play the banjo... eat apple sauce through a straw... pork farm
animals.

12-21-2006, 03:22 PM #2

Ben Richards

I <3 rasadancer's feet

Join Date: Dec 2006

Location: Around The World

Posts: 725
What do you get when you have unprotected sex with a street hooker?

AIDS

Did you hear about the guy who drove real fast without a seat belt?

He hit a garbage truck and splattered his head on the windsheild

What do you call a guy who has sex with kids?

A child molester

What do you call it when someone wipes out an entire race of people?

Genocide

A man walks into a bar

Now he needs stitches on his forehead because he was walking pretty fast

__________________

My father used to say that not playing to win is like sleeping with your sister.
Sure she's a great piece of tail, with a blouse full of goodies, but... it's just
illegal. Then you get into that whole inbred thing. Kids with no teeth who do
nothing but play the banjo... eat apple sauce through a straw... pork farm
animals.

12-21-2006, 03:25 PM #3

Ben Richards

I <3 rasadancer's feet

Join Date: Dec 2006

Location: Around The World

Posts: 725

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Their names, if you know them. If not just say "excuse me"

why cant stevie wonder and ray charles read?

because they are blind

why do jews have big noses?

because it is genetic
whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?

a jew is a person of religious faith whereas a pizza is a semi high protein food
with lots of fat

Why was the little girl screaming?

Because she was getting raped by a paedophile.

What do you get when you cross a muffin with chocolate chips?

A chocolate chip muffin.

What did the little boy with no arms or legs get for xmas?

Cancer.

Doctor, Doctor. I feel like a pair of curtains!

Thats the least of your problems. You've got AIDS.

What did batman say to robin to get him in the batmobile?

"Get in the batmobile"

Knock Knock

Come in.

Q. Whats worse than being a Jew in 2006?

A. Being a Jew in 1942.

Yo mama is so fat she has to wear large clothes.

What do you call, when a baby has forks in it's eyes?

911.

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It shouldn't take more than one person to do this task, regardless of hair
color.

What's the difference between George W Bush and a doorknob?

George W Bush is the president of the United States. A doorknob is a

mechanical device that securely closes a hinged door, thereby keeping your
family safe from danger.

How do you get 500 midgets into a Volkswagon?

You have to manufacture a Volkswagon large enough to accomidate 500

midgets. It wouldn't be street-legal, but at least the problem of getting 500
midgets into a Volkswagon is solved.

Yo Mama's so fat, that she was instructed by the doctor to go on a low

carbohydrate, high protein diet to reduce the risk of heart disease or even a
heart attack later in life.

Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?

It wasn't on purpose. Through the course of natural friction, his keys wore
through the innards of the pockets. Being bald, on top of this, is
inconsequential.

__________________

My father used to say that not playing to win is like sleeping with your sister.
Sure she's a great piece of tail, with a blouse full of goodies, but... it's just
illegal. Then you get into that whole inbred thing. Kids with no teeth who do
nothing but play the banjo... eat apple sauce through a straw... pork farm
animals.

12-21-2006, 03:29 PM #4

Ben Richards

I <3 rasadancer's feet

Join Date: Dec 2006

Location: Around The World

Posts: 725

Why did the black man die?

Because he was the victim of a race-hate gang related attack.

What do you get when you cross a chinese man with a white woman?

Yellow babies.

Why was Mary upset?

She was involed in a severe car accident which resulted in the loss of both
her legs and 3 fingers from her right hand. Her mum was also killed.

Why does Brian Peppers molest children?

Because he can.
Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Why did the 2nd chicken cross the road?

Same reason as the first one did.

Why did the 3rd chicken cross the road?

It was following the other two.

What did the mother give her child for his christmas?

A flower on his tombstone because his cancer was in partial remission, but
later came back and slowly killed him.

Why did the girlscout start crying after she spilled all her cookies?

Because her father beats her mother and calls her a whore every night in a
drunken rage.

Yo Mama's so fat, that she was instructed by the doctor to go on a low

carbohydrate, high protein diet to reduce the risk of heart disease or even a
heart attack later in life.

Why did a doctor prescribe a low carb diet to reduce a patient's risk of heart
disease?

Because he didn't look at the Mayo Clinic's results stating that trans fats or
large amounts of saturated fat are what mainly cause heart disease/heart
attacks due to clogged arteries.
3 guys go to hip hop club and notice they cant dance or keep with the rythm
much. What race were these outsiders?

The race is really insignificant. The fact that they went to a hip hop club
without being able to move with rythm was really the sad part. Not to
mention the fact that they were jumped and robbed afterwards.

__________________

My father used to say that not playing to win is like sleeping with your sister.
Sure she's a great piece of tail, with a blouse full of goodies, but... it's just
illegal. Then you get into that whole inbred thing. Kids with no teeth who do
nothing but play the banjo... eat apple sauce through a straw... pork farm
animals.

12-21-2006, 03:39 PM #5

Osama Bin Laden

Talibanned

Join Date: Dec 2005

Location: Middle East

Posts: 1,744

What do you get when you cross a black man and his drugs?

Killed
__________________

[QUOTE=PokemonMaster;4395711]Okay, your threads may suck, but that

was a good post

+5 internets.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=The_Guitarist;4395677]This made me lol where no man has ever

lol'ed before.[/QUOTE]

[B][U][I][SIZE="4"][COLOR="Magenta"]irc[/COLOR].
[COLOR="DarkOliveGreen"]rizon[/COLOR].[COLOR="PaleGreen"]net[/COLOR]
[COLOR="Red"]#hatecrew[/COLOR][/SIZE][/I][/U][/B]

12-21-2006, 04:22 PM #6

MiKe

not human at all

Join Date: Jun 2005

Location: Lawn Guy Land

Posts: 8,755

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ben Richards

What do you get when you have unprotected sex with a street hooker?

AIDS
This one actually made me lol. Good thread.

__________________

sigpic by LurkMore, my first-born belongs to him

Fan the sinking flame of hilarity with the wing of friendship, and pass the rosy
wine!

12-21-2006, 04:40 PM #7

Allergic

Premium User

Join Date: Jan 2005

Posts: 826

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walked into a bar.

That's pretty much the highlight of the story.

__________________

[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

What's This?

12-21-2006, 05:05 PM #8

jnettl2
Registered User

Join Date: Nov 2006

Posts: 278

A white man, a mexican, and a black find a genie lamp and rub it. The
mexican wishes for all mexicans to go back to mexico. The black wishes for
all blacks to be brought back to Africa. The white man, lonesome for his
friends, wishes for yearly round-trip airline tickets for every black and
mexican so that they may visit America again if they so wish.

__________________

Unofficial Ebaum's World AM Shift Leader

12-22-2006, 12:53 AM #9

Rapex

Bland

Join Date: Dec 2006

Location: Chicago

Posts: 2,986

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ben Richards

Why does Brian Peppers molest children?

Because he can.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!Im putting that in my sig

Where did you find these?

__________________

[QUOTE=Ben Richards;2999999]

Why does Brian Peppers molest children?

Because he can.[/QUOTE]

12-22-2006, 01:52 AM #10

swchblade34

banned of brothers

Join Date: Jun 2005

Location: Chicago

Posts: 1,116

i have never laughed so hard at a thread. maybe its because its midnight and
i just had a mountain dew but almost every one of those made me have to
walk away cuz i was laughing so hard

__________________

----------------:blahblah: :preachon: :blahblah::preachon: :blahblah:

:preachon: :blahblah: :preachon: :blahblah:----------------
 12-22-2006, 08:20 PM #11

jijiji

black & white violence :)

Join Date: Jun 2004

Posts: 369

Quote:

What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple?

Being raped.

Made my day

__________________

[U][SIZE="7"][B][COLOR="DarkSlateGray"][CENTER][FONT="Microsoft San
Serif"]j i j i j i[/FONT][/CENTER][/COLOR][/B][/SIZE][/U]

[CENTER] :ahhh: :boink::boink::boink::boink: :ahhh:[/CENTER]

12-26-2006, 08:04 AM #12

hypnotic_frog

Guest

Posts: n/a

Weird jokes! Who wrote it?

12-26-2006, 01:20 PM #13

ItchyItchyFace

Banned Ages
Join Date: Jul 2005

Location: Antwerp

Posts: 761

Do you know the joke about the two guys that wanted to go to Paris?

They didn't go.

12-26-2006, 08:40 PM #14

TrueDrew

Tired of mind games

Join Date: Dec 2006

Location: A Waffleite from Waffletington!

Posts: 1,415

All these anti-jokes were more funny than a majority of jokes i have ever
read.

12-26-2006, 09:08 PM #15

FonsecaWalls
I came, I saw, I posted!

Join Date: Aug 2005

Location: Toronto

Posts: 4,679

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ben Richards

What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple?

Being raped.

Now that's funny

__________________

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iaretehpwn

I would have gay sex with you fonsecawalls

Quote:

Originally Posted by mattjm24

I'd do FonsecaWalls for a klondike bar.

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