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Is The Glass Half Full or Half Empty?..: Please Send Me Your Contribution
Is The Glass Half Full or Half Empty?..: Please Send Me Your Contribution
This particular item is growing. If you can extend the debate as to whether the glass is half-full,
half-empty, in some other state, or in a different space/time continuum altogether, please send
me your contribution. The world needs to know.
The dog just wonders: can he eat the glass or will you throw it so he can bring it back... The cat
wonders why the glass is only half full (or empty)... is it a trick... poison perhaps...
The eternally optimistic eccentric would say, the glass is consistently overflowing (or is that the
neurotic?...)
The person who is no longer trapped in The Matrix (whatever one might call him/her) says:
"There is no glass..."
More generationally:
The adolescent student says the glass is just another dirty trick played by the teacher to prove
that students are dumb.
More scientifically:
The research scientist says that following initial observation and testing a working hypothesis for
further research is: "The glass is both half full and half empty," and that these findings warrant
further investigation with a more representative sample of glasses and contents, which may or
may not be liquid.
The algebraic simultaneous equation theorist says that if the glass is equally half full and half
empty, then half full = half empty; therefore ½ x F = ½ x E; therefore (by multiplying both sides
of the equation by 2) we show that F = E; i.e. Full equals Empty!
The efficiency analyst says the glass is operating substantially below optimization level, being
consistently exactly 50% under-utilized during the period of assessment, corresponding to an
over-resourcing in meeting demand equating to precisely 200% of requisite capacity in volume
terms, not accounting for seasonal trends and shrinkage, and that if the situation continues there
is in theory opportunity for savings or expansion.
The 'perfect' 1950s housewife would not leave the glass sitting there long enough for anyone to
consider the question, but would scoop it up, wash it up, dry it to a gleaming shine and put it
back in the glass cabinet in a jiffy. No half-full or half-empty in her world... just a full glass or an
untidy one.
The obsessive compulsive postpones the question until the level is checked, and checked again,
and again, and again...
The phobic says yuck, someone drank out of it and left their germs on the glass.
The psychiatrist would ask you, "Is the half-empty/half-full glass really that important? I mean...
really? Think about it. If fact, let's not. Let's set that particular issue aside for a few moments and
talk about what's really bothering you.."
The sales person will convince you that even though the glass is half full/empty you are getting
more than your money's worth compared to buying a full glass. The full glass is less expensive
because of the economies of producing a common standard version in big quantities, whereas the
more expensive half full/empty glass represents much better value because it is more exclusive
and better quality, and very hard to come by and greatly sought after.
The customer service agent will agree with you that the glass is half full/empty, and they will do
anything in their power to fill the glass up at no extra cost. However, after a full investigation
you will be informed that you mistakenly received a half full/empty glass since you only paid for
a quarter. You therefore received a half full/empty glass at the price of a quarter-full/three-
quarters empty glass. You should consider yourself very lucky, and that any further complaints
might result in your having to return the half full/empty glass at your own cost, with no
guarantee of any refund.
The co-dependent hurries to fill your glass, but not so completely that you would spill it and get
upset. Because when you get upset...
The (suggestions welcome for this one) says that's not my glass, mine was bigger.
The radical thankful child of Jesus says, "THE CUP RUNNETH OVER.."
Thanks to the following contributors: Phil Deer (realist and cynic lines), Catherine Trafford
(school teacher line), Jane Benad ('next round'), Robert Wishin (professional trainer), MH
(ground-down mother), Bob Langley (consultant), Lance and Lee (troublemaker and
homebuilder), Cindy Bacon (worrier), Dan Spira (fanatic and entrepreneur), John Cooper
(computer specialist), D Dutcher (first engineer), Craig Marriott (second engineer), Markos
Lemma (computer programmer), Andrew Curwen (Buddhist), J Crawshaw (logician), J Crothers
(scientist), H Bas ten Brinke (Dutchman), R Stalenberg (personal coach), James (grammarian), Z
Mammadov (auditor), GGC (waiter), R Huff (magician), H Arora (physician), Rosalie
(musician), D Thompson (ineffective organization), S Keenaghan (dog and cat), L Moon
(eternally optimistic eccentric), W Snethlage (no longer trapped in The Matrix), P Keogh
(research scientist), Sumit M (adolescent student), S Ainscough (algebraic simultaneous equation
theorist), S Billbess (efficiency analyst), S Clayden (1950s housewife), T Reed (obsessive
compulsive), S Buis (phobic), A Johnson (psychiatrist), H Terblanché (sales person and
customer service agent), G Roberts (co-dependent), M Brooks (suggestions welcome for this
one), George (radical thankful child of Jesus). Your collective creative genius is greatly
appreciated. I welcome further additions. Please send them.