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Break up is not the hardest, Being Ghosted is

Niang Dim

SOCI-2250 MARRIAGE AND FAMILY

SOUTHEAST COMMUNITY COLLEGE

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INTRO:

Relationships start in the form of communication. Once the communication is cut off, the

connection is broken between the two people. It hurts when the individual opens up asking to

terminate the relationship. What would it be like when the individual suddenly stops

communicating on the other end with no explanation and no warning? Ghosting in a relationship

is a term that describes an abrupt communication cut off that is used by one of the two people in

the communication.  

SUMMARY 1:

This article talks about the definition and motives of ghosting in terms of social media

context and the perceived psychological consequences of being ghosted and ghosting others

among emerging adults at university, during the year of developmental age period, as indicated

Thomas & Dubar (2021) (pg.2-4). The general definition for the term “ghosting” is “the act of

cutting off all communication with someone without an explanation, a type of an avoidance or

withdrawal strategy to break up with someone” (Thomas & Dubar, 2021, pg.1-3). The 76

emerging adults, a sample of participants were from a liberal arts university on the east coast

consisting of both male and female freshmen through senior college students (Thomas & Dubar,

2021, pg.4). Through in person, flyers, social media posts, or psychology department, 

participants were informed and had the option to volunteer by completing a consent, the brief

online survey questionnaires, and a focus group consisted of two to five people for duration of 48

mins in one month (Thomas & Dubar, 2021, pg.4). Upon completion of the research

participation, the participants were given either research credit or $15 cash (Thomas & Dubar,

2021, pg.4). Approved by the Institutional Review Board at Wesleyan University, the four

questions were asked to the participant, and they include, defining or describing ghosting,
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reasons why someone might ghost someone else, the role of technology and social media

regarding ghosting, and the psychological consequences of ghoster and the ghostee (Thomas &

Dubar, 2021, pg.4). The basic interpretive qualitative approach was used to

transcribe accuracy of original recordings that was divided into 4 total segments for the 4

questions, one segment each question (Thomas & Dubar, 2021, pg.4).  

The results from the questionnaires and the focus group indicated for question 1, there are

variety of definitions of a term “ghosting,” such that ghosting is carried through an online media,

specifically social media, purposefully ignoring and refraining from communication with

someone (Thomas & Dubar, 2021, pg.4). Also, ghosting is a gradual process of communication

cut-off for the ghoster and a significant sudden cut-off for the ghostee from the pre-existing

pattern of communication, not always exclusive to romantic relationships (Thomas & Dubar,

2021, pg.5). Because of these, there is no closure to the communication between these two

parties, the ghostee and the ghoster (Thomas & Dubar, 2021, pg.5). For question 2, the motives

behind ghosting include disinterest resulted from lack of fulfillment in the ghoster, the desire to

escape from confrontation or conflict, safety concerns from possible dangers, an easy way out,

protecting the ghostee from feeling rejected outright, and the need to feel power over the other

person (Thomas & Dubar, 2021, pg.5-6). For question 3, technology and social media increase

the amount of ghosting as there is a huge number of networking with a large amount of people, a

set acceptable response time frames in this instant reply expectation world, and a protective

barrier to easily de-personalize the accountability between the two people (Thomas & Dubar,

2021, pg.7). The responses furthermore indicated that through the forms of letters, physical

distancing, and phone calls, ghosting already existed way before the emergence of technology

and social media (Thomas & Dubar, 2021, pg.7).

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For question 4, the responses indicated the ghoster may feel lacking maturity and

effective communication if ghosting becomes a habit again in future relationships throughout his

lifetime, indifferent because there is no emotion attached, guilty after ghosting, or peaceful or

relieved after ghosting (Thomas & Dubar, 2021, pg.8). For the ghostee, though, they tend to

question one’s own self-worth afterward, become more self-conscious and self-doubt, change for

the better “self” for future relationships, (Thomas & Dubar, 2021, pg.8). These results supported

the hypothesis that the ghostee perceived ghosting as sudden while the ghoster perceived as a

gradual process strategy in order to cut off all communication when someone without

explanation at a time when a response was most expected (Thomas & Dubar, 2021, pg.9).

APPLICATION 1:

The article by Thomas and Dubar (2021) was written and peer-reviewed by scholars and

was published by the psychology database. This article was an eye-opening to gain the

knowledge of the term ghosting referring to a sudden communication cut off within any types of

relationship such as friendships or romantic relationships. To many of the population, this term

was adequately still new and only associated with dating couples. Moreover, one more lesson

was that the perspective of ghoster regarding ghosting is a gradual process strategy while the

perspective of a ghostee regarding ghosting is a sudden move. The results of being ghosted as a

ghostee are linked to lower level of self-love, self-esteem, and self-efficacy with a little bit of

changing the self for the better future relationships.

SUMMARY 2:

While Thomas and Dunbar (2021) defined ghosting as an abrupt act of communication

termination out of desires, Powell et. all (2021) referred to the ghosting as an unacceptable result

of the “initiator of the communication ending all communication with the other person” out of
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personal desires (pg. 1). Powell et. al (2021) examined the individual differences of ghosting

based on attachment orientation such as having avoidance or anxious personality and implicit

theories of relationships whether they have destiny or growth beliefs in the romantic relationship

(Powell et. al., 2021, pg. 2). Furthermore, it has been previously discovered that the “relationship

dissolution strategy” is related to the purpose of avoidance or withdrawal from someone (Powell

et. al., 2021, pg. 3); and the ghostee similar to their peers who broke up with their partners

directly experiences the same amount of distress from being ghosted and even higher level of life

dissatisfaction and helplessness if being ghosted recurrence in a single year (Powell et. al., 2021,

pg. 3). Having destiny or soulmate beliefs is more likely to lead to breaking up and ghosting

rather than the growth beliefs where the couples perceive making the effort to develop

relationships and overcome conflict over time as the purpose of a relationship (Powell et. al.,

2021, pg. 4)

In Study 1, the purpose was to test if an individual adapted ghosting as a normal behavior

to deal with relationship due to past experiences and if that result was related to attachment

anxiety or avoidance (Powell et. al., 2021, pg. 5). The 188 participants were recruited from a

Psychology Department through the SONA systems and the total 165 participants were the ones

used in the data due to incompletion of the surveys (Powell et. al., 2021, pg. 5). Using the data

Open Science Framework, the participants selected questions appropriate to their knowledge and

experience at the surveys indicating whether they know the definition of ghosting, the

appropriate length of ghosting that typically lasts, and if they have a previous personal

experience of being ghosted (Powell et. al., 2021, pg. 5). The attachment section was surveyed

using the 36-item Experiences in Close Relationships Scale, and also the demographics of the

participants was asked (Powell et. al., 2021, pg. 6). Approved by the Institutional Review Board,
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the participants who completed the online surveys received course credit (Powell et. al., 2021,

pg. 6). The results from Study 1 were that majority of participants are familiar with ghosting,

agreed that ghosting is defined as not responding to texts, phone calls, nor contacting via texts,

indicated that the length of ghosting depends on the situation but definitely not as permanent nor

temporary, reported having more experience of ghosting rather than a ghostee, and had “no prior

ghosting experience within romantic relationship” (Powell et. al., 2021, pg. 6). In addition,

people who have been ghosted have a higher level of anxiety than who have not been ghosted

while those who ghosted others have a higher level of avoidance than who have not ghosted

before in a romantic relationship(Powell et. al., 2021, pg. 6-7).

In Study 2, the goal was to re-test the associations between ghosting and implicit theories

of relationships such as whether having destiny beliefs increased the likelihood of normalizing

ghosting within the romantic relationship (Powell et. al., 2021, pg. 9). The total of 280

participants were recruited and the 247 participants were the ones used in the data measurement

to complete the 12-item Experiences in Close Relationships-shot from and the 22-item Implicit

Theories of Relationships Scale(Powell et. al., 2021, pg. 9-10). Similar demographics and

ghosting experience questions were asked (Powell et. al., 2021, pg. 10). This is also approved by

the Institutional Review Board and more than $2 was rewarded to the participants who

completed the surveys (Powell et. al., 2021, pg. 10). The results from Study 2 indicated that there

is a higher level of experience of being a ghostee among participants and that majority of the

people “had no prior experience with ghosting in romantic relationships but a smaller portion of

them had been “both a ghostee and ghoster” (Powell et. al., 2021, pg. 10). As predicted, people

with destiny beliefs are more likely to engage in ghosting their partners (Powell et. al., 2021,

pg.11).
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In Study 3, the same hypotheses from Study 1 and Study 2 such as ghosting experience,

attachment, and implicit theories of relationships were re-tested with a small change- using a

larger sample (Powell et. al., 2021, pg. 12). The total of 945 participants were first recruited and

then 863 participants were the ones used in the data (Powell et. al., 2021, pg. 12). The method

measurement for ghosting experiences is consisted of asking whether the participants ghosted or

have been ghosted a partner or both ghosted and have been ghosted by a romantic partner

(Powell et. al., 2021, pg.13). The attachment, implicit theories of relationships, and

demographics were measured similar as previous, and like the previous Study 1 and 2, this Study

3 was approved by the Institutional Review Board (Powell et. al., 2021, pg. 13).

The results here indicated that the majority of participants are familiar with ghosting and

also being a ghostee rather than a ghoster was experienced more by the participants (Powell et.

al., 2021, pg. 14). More than half of the participants had no prior experience with ghosting, and

there was a higher level of anxiety reported with the ghostees than the ghosters (Powell et. al.,

2021, pg. 14). Among the people with previous ghosting experience, there are 19% being a

ghostee, 17% being both a ghostee and ghoster, and 8% being a ghoster (Powell et. al., 2021, pg.

14). Compared to people who were only ghosters and those with no ghosting experience, people

who had been both ghostee and ghoster had a higher level of anxiety (Powell et. al., 2021, pg.

14) as well as higher level of adapting destiny beliefs (Powell et. al., 2021, pg. 16). It was also

reported that the ghosters adapt higher level of destiny beliefs while the ghostee adapted higher

level of growth beliefs than those with no ghosting experience (Powell et. al., 2021, pg. 16).

APPLICATION 2:

The article written by Powell et. al. (2021) was powerful in a way the data brought in the

psychological aspect of the implicit theories of the relationships determining the motive to occur
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ghosting in romantic relationships. It is important to adapt the growth mindset even within a

romantic relationship aiming to put in the effort to develop healthy relationships as well as to

resolve conflicts. There is an evidence that the ghostees as well those who are both ghostees and

ghosters have increased level of anxiety after the ghosting experience in a romantic relationship.

Whether the couples terminate the relationship in direct interaction or in ghosting strategy, the

amount of pain associated with the emotional distress is similar. This is peer-reviewed by the

Institutional Review Board; thus, it is a reliable source.

SUMMARY 3:

While Thomas and Dunbar (2021) defined ghosting as an abrupt act of communication

termination out of desires and Powell et. all (2021) indicated that destiny belief is associated with

a ghoster and increased level of anxiety is associated with the ghostee, Walker (2021) focused on

the new modern ghosting styles that were happening during Covid-19 pandemic within a

romantic relationship and how that area could affect other areas of life such career and job

seekers. The first months of the recent Coronavirus pandemic were an era “temporary dip in

ghosting” occurred (Walker, 2021). There is a higher chance that people who got ghosted will

“initiate ghosting one someone else and the “normalization of ghosting” within a romantic

relationship could be carried through other relationships like family members and career

employer (Walker, 2021). The terms breadcrumbing, submarining, and orbiting support the idea

of internet ghosting and these hurt to human beings on some level because human beings were

“hardwired for it to hurt” (Walker, 2021). Because ghosting is getting rejected and left hanging,

it brings real physical pain as well as emotional pain to the human body and the result of

ghosting is lack of closure which triggers self-doubt, self-blame, and the need to “isolate from

trying to meet new people” (Walker, 2021). Anyone who went through ghosting experience
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could remember going through grief “with a messy mix of shock, anger, bargaining, sadness, or

breakthrough periods of acceptance” as if the individual was “responding to a significant loss”

(Walker, 2021).

The grieving process is recognizing loss of trust on other people, loss of hope for future

mates, loss of effort to work the relationship out, and eventually loss of building a relationship

(Walker, 2021). The effective way overcome this grief is to talk with a peer or a trustable adult to

be able to evaluate the relationship or journal the emotions and feelings (Walker, 2021). Trying

to gain a new perspective and trying to see a bigger picture like never before and identifying

some problematic behaviors will help spot the errors (Walker, 2021). The best strategy is to take

care of one’s mental health in brainstorming ways to prevent future ghosting (Walker, 2021).

APPLICATION 3:

This article is a reliable source because it was written by Val Walker, MS and was

published by Psychology Today. Breadcrumbing, submarining, and orbiting were new and

interesting in the way to discover there are far more beyond noncommitment strategies than just

the ghosting culture (Walker, 2021). The tips in how to recover from ghosting and related

behaviors are knowledgeable and practical in approaching the goal to prevent the unacceptable

ghosting life experience.

CONCLUSION:

Ghosting serves pain, confusion, and desensitized perception of avoiding direct

confrontation if the belief towards a partner is someone “not meant to be together with.”

Although not everyone has experienced any ghosting experience, there is a small percentage of

individuals who are both a ghoster and a ghostee and experiences higher level of anxiety as well

as higher level of “meant to be” beliefs about their partner in a romantic relationship. However,
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ghosting is not exclusive to romantic relationships and internet dating and social media create the

easy way out to cut off any kinds of communication such as close friendships or coworker.

Social media and ghosting are the norms of young adolescents lifestyle today. Communication

takes in a variety of forms in accordance with the advanced technology world.

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References

Powell, D.C., Freedman, G., Williams, K.D., Le, B., & Green, Hayley. (2021). A multi-study

examination of attachment and implicit theories of relationships in ghosting experiences.

Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 38(7), 1-24.

https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075211009308

Thomas, J.O., & Dubar, R.T. (2021) Disappearing in the age of hypervisibility: Definition,

context, and perceived psychological consequences of social media ghosting. Psychology

of Popular Media, online first posting, 1-12. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/ppm0000343  

Walker, V. (2021, May 17). The terms of noncommitment: Ghosting, breadcrumbing, more.

Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/400-friends-who-can-i-

call/202105/the-terms-noncommitment-ghosting-breadcrumbing-more