Counselor Refresher

Building relationships
Counselor Refresher modules

Building
relationships

Difficult Engaging
messages our people

Career conversations &

Managing poor
development
performance
planning
Coaching in
counseling
relationships

Page 2 Building Relationships

Learning objectives

► At the end of this module session you will

► understand the concept of the emotional bank account and the link to
EY values
► know how to ask powerful questions that open up a conversation
► know how to listen more effectively
► know how to avoid making assumptions and viewing the situation from
just one perspective

Page 3 Building Relationships

Road map for the session

Approx timings
► Introductions 10 mins
► Video 1 and debrief 30 mins
► Emotional Bank Account 5 mins
► Questioning and Listening 5 mins
► Frame of Reference and Assumptions 5 mins
► Video 2 and debrief 30mins
► Close 5 mins

Page 4 Building Relationships

Meet the team!

► This is David and his four counselees

James Fleur David Jessica Mike

Page 5 Building Relationships

Play Video – David and Jessica

► Consider the following questions:

► What are your initial reactions?
► What worked well?
► Was anything missing?
► What, if any, assumptions were made?
► Put yourself in Jessica’s/David’s shoes how do you think s/he is
feeling after the meeting?

Page 6 Building Relationships

Scenario 1 – David & Jessica

In table groups:

► Consider the following questions:

► What are your initial reactions?
► What worked well?
► Was anything missing?
► What, if any, assumptions were made?
► Put yourself in Jessica’s/David’s shoes how do you think s/he is
feeling after the meeting?

Page 7 Building Relationships

Building trust: the emotional bank account

Emotional bank account – Stephen Covey

Positively impacting behaviors
that are the six types of J J
deposits:
J J
1.
2.
Understand the individual
Attend to the little things
J
J
3. Keep commitments
J
4. Clarify expectations
5. Show personal integrity J
6. Apologise sincerely when you make
a mistake J
JJ
J JJ
Reserves J
JJ J J

Page 8 Building Relationships

Emotional bank account: withdrawals

Emotional bank account – Stephen Covey ► Negatively impacting behaviors are

withdrawals
► High reserve balance results in:
► Higher tolerance for mistakes
► More open communication

J J
J J
J JJ J J
J J JJ J

Page 9 Building Relationships

Our values

► Who we are and what we stand for

► People who demonstrate integrity, respect, and teaming
► People with energy, enthusiasm, and the courage to lead
► People who build relationships based on doing the right thing

Page 10 Building Relationships

Questioning styles: directive vs. non
directive

Directive

Telling

Giving advice

Offering guidance

Giving feedback

Asking questions that raise

awareness

Summarising

Reflecting

Listening to understand

Non-directive
Source: “Effective coaching”, M Downey, 1999

Page 11 Building Relationships

The Brain & Coaching Style

Advising Questioning

Page 12
Levels of listening

► Most people listen with the intent to reply

► When another person speaks, we are usually listening at

one of five levels:
► Ignoring/pretending
► Selective
► Attentive listening
► Empathic

Page 13 Building Relationships

Self-awareness – Map of the world

Page 14 Building Relationships

Frames of reference in action

Take
actions I will not promote Jane

Adopt
beliefs Jane has poor leadership skills
Frame of reference

Draw
conclusions Jane cannot lead the team

Make Jane knows the issues and is not

assumptions assertive enough to speak up
Jane is the senior and should speak
Add meanings
up to support the team

Select data Jane only spoke once

Observable data
Jane speaks once during the
client meeting
Source: The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook by Peter Senge

Page 17 Building Relationships

Changed frame of reference

Take
actions I will promote Jane

Adopt Jane has excellent leadership abilities

beliefs and overall executive presence
Frame of reference

Draw
conclusions Jane is one of our best seniors

Make Jane has a good understanding of the

assumptions issues and knows how to listen
Jane pays close attention to key
Add meanings
details talked about in the meeting

Select data
Jane only spoke once and made
a very insightful comment

Observable data
Jane speaks once during the
client meeting
Source: The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook by Peter Senge

Page 18 Building Relationships

Checking assumptions

► Reflect
► Take time to become more aware of your own thinking and
reasoning . Ask yourself, “What evidence do I have for this
opinion?” “Why do I think this?”
► Clarify
► Make your thinking and reasoning more visible to others so that
you aren’t unfairly judging them. “When you speak to me with that
tone, I feel defensive”
► Inquire
► Inquire into others’ thinking and reasoning so that you are not
accepting other’s perceptions without careful thought. “Can you tell
me what makes you feel that you don’t have support from your
boss”
Remember – how can you eliminate bias?
Page 19 Building Relationships
Play video – David and Jessica (Version 2)

► Consider the following questions:

► What specifically made the difference in how David handled the
meeting? What did he say or do?
► How do you think both are feeling after the meeting?

Page 20 Building Relationships

Video – David and Jessica (Version 2)

► In table groups capture your thoughts around:

► What specifically made the difference in how David handled the
meeting? What did he say or do?
► How do you think both are feeling after the meeting?

► Consider:
► Emotional Bank Account
► Avoiding assumptions
► Non directive questions
► Levels of listening

Page 21 Building Relationships

Recap what we have learned

At the end of this module session you will:

► understand the concept of the emotional bank account and the

link to Ernst & Young values
► know how to ask powerful questions that open up a
conversation
► know how to listen more effectively
► know how to avoid making assumptions and viewing the
situation from just one perspective

Page 22 Building Relationships

Thank you