GE-11

GENDER & SOCIETY

SECTION: AB, 7:00-8:00 PM, MWF

CHAPTER 9:

GENDERED CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS

BY:

(GROUP – 5)

MAQUISO, JANE MAXEIL

PABUAYA, SIMON JESNARD
PAJUELAS, RAYMUND
RAMIREZ, ALJIVER
SAMORIN, CHARIBEL
SAMSON, MICO

SUBMITTED TO:

MS. SABRINA TRASMONTE

INSTRUCTOR
THE MEANING OF PERSONAL
RELATIONSHIPS
Personal relationships are ones in
which partners rely on each other for a
variety of reasons, ranging from love to
financial support. Partners in intimate
relationships demand love, friendship, time,
energy, and help with big and little life
problems. Furthermore, partners in intimate
relationships see one another as distinct
people who cannot be replaced. Most of our
connections are social or professional; we
may replace the individuals in them and the
relationship will continue to operate.
In our model, personal relationships
refer to close connections between people,
formed by emotional bonds and
interactions. These bonds often grow from
and are strengthened by mutual
experiences
Relationships are not static; they are
continually evolving, and to fully enjoy and
benefit from them we need skills,
information, inspiration, practice, and social
support.
Paul Wright - - There is much more
similarity than dissimilarity in the manner in
which women and men conduct their
friendships.  Both women and men are
looking for intimacy, acceptance, trust, and
help.
MALE DEFICIT MODEL  understand – methods that may vary from
Differences in masculine and
feminine orientations to close relationships
usually—but not always—coincide with
male and female approaches to
relationships.
Some scholars argue that masculine
orientations are inferior to feminine ones,
while others think that the two styles are
different yet equally valid.
According to the male deficit hypothesis,
males are less competent at intimacy
because they are less motivated and/or able
than women to express emotions, divulge
personal information, and communicate
about sensitive subjects.
Psychologist Robert Lewis
examined four "barriers" to emotional
intimacy among men:
1. Competition, which inhibits the
ability to form friendships and also
minimizes the ability to share
vulnerabilities and weaknesses
2. Need to be "in control," which
forbids self-disclosure and openness
3. Homophobia, which inhibits
displays of affection and tenderness
toward other men and
4. Lack of skills and positive role
models for male intimacy. Men, he
argued, learn to avoid appearing
weak an vulnerable in order to
maintain a competitive edge.
ALTERNATE PATHS MODEL
The alternative pathways concept
agrees with the male deficit hypothesis that
gendered socialization is at the core of
disparities in men's and women's usual
interaction patterns. However, it differs from
the deficit model in significant respects. First
and foremost, the alternative pathways
perspective does not assume that men lack
emotions and emotional depth, or that
relationships and feelings are relevant in
men's life. Rather, this theory implies that
male socialization restricts men's comfort in
vocally expressing certain emotions and, as
a result, reduces men's chances to practice
emotional conversation. Another significant
difference is that the alternative pathways
model contends that males do show
closeness in ways that they value and
those of feminine people but are still
legitimate.
GENDERED STYLES OF FRIENDSHIPS
Most friendships typically form for
the same reasons like sharing different
interests, support, and companionship.
Against the backdrop of commonalities in
approaches to friendship, there are some
differences in how women and men typically
—but not invariably—build friendships and
interact within them. The type of relationship
appears to differ between male and female
relationships, one
is more casual
(male friendships)
and the other is
more intimate and
personal (female
friendships).
 According to Paul Wright, the
interaction style of masculine people is they
usually interact side by side which means
they don't sit around as a group, the way
women do, sharing their deepest feelings.
Men tend to like a judgment-free, action-
packed, adventure-based style of friendship.
They value relationships that include shared
activities and are less intimate. Men are not
physically or emotionally expressive, but
they derive great support from their
friendships. The most common finding is
that men’s friendships tend to be more
“instrumental” and less emotional.
Women's
friendships are
face to face.
They talk, cry
together, and
share secrets.
Feminine
people tend to
self-disclose
more often than masculine people, and in
more intimate details. Likewise, feminine
people tend to communicate more affection,
and with greater intimacy and confidence.
Generally speaking, feminine people
communicate more and prioritize
communication more than masculine
people.
Unlike women, men often do not feel
the need to discuss all the changes in their
lives with a friend or a need to say in touch.
Interestingly, men can go extended periods
of time, months or even years, without
having contact with a friend, yet still
consider the other person a close friend. In
contrast, if a woman does not have regular
contact with an individual she views as a
close friend then she is more likely to
assume they have grown apart, is no longer
interested in the friendship, and assume the
friendship is over.
FEMININE FRIENDSHIPS: CLOSENESS
IN DIALOGUE
This beneficial effect of friendship was
felt whether the friends lived near or far. An
article published on the New York
Times website states that women feel they
can count on their friends to pull through for
them no matter what they are struggling
within their lives. Women are each other’s
emotional support system. From giving
advice, being a shoulder to cry on, keeping
secrets, lending a listening ear and
boosting self-esteem, to developing strong
and healthy female friendships is something
all women can benefit from.
 Initially separate worlds are woven
together into a common one
 through dialogue (Creating a close
connection)
 Feminine norms may make women
with feelings of envy &
 Competition feel guilty; they also
tend to feel like they have to be
 Constantly available & caring
 Can enrich and constrain
MASCULINE FRIENDSHIPS:
CLOSENESS IN THE DOING
The alternative form of intimacy that
men experience is called “closeness in the
doing” (Swain), which entails feeling close
through shared activity, not through self-
disclosure. The masculine approach to
communicating closeness involves the use
of shared activities and doing favors for one
another as a way of communicating
closeness. Men have been found to
generally associate relational closeness
with drinking together, handshakes, and
discussing sexual issues as opposed to
self-disclosure and emotional
expressiveness (Floyd, 1995)
 Signals affection by teasing,
competition, and playfully punches
 Cultivates camaraderie
 Different friends for various interests
THE MAN DATE
Man Date according to Jennifer Lee
“is two heterosexual men socializing without
the crutch of business or sports”.
For instance:
 A man date is sitting across the table
from each other while talking and
dining; eating together in a sports
bar while watching a game is not.
 A man date is taking a walk together
in a botanical garden; jogging
together isn’t.
 A man date is attending a showing
at an art gallery; attending a
baseball game is not.
Men who preferred with these kinds of
interaction are concerned of how their
intentions will be perceived. Mostly people
will see it as weird having two guys together
on a “date” and so people who liked face to
face interactions with their male friends
avoided to have intimacy around other men.
So to avoid the questioning, some men who
do go on dates set guidelines to avoid the
misinterpretation of their intentions:
 Dinners are okay (but not with
candlelit tables); brunch is not.
 Beer and hard alcohol are fine; wine
is iffy; coolers are out.
 Cooking for a friend at home is
unacceptable unless you are grilling.
 It’s okay to go to a movie together as
long as you keep a seat between
you.
FRIENDSHIPS BETWEEN MEN AND
WOMEN
Is friendship between sexes hard?
Friendships between the sexes pose
unique challenges and offer special
opportunities for growth. Because our
culture so heavily emphasizes gender, it is
difficult for women and men not to see each
other in sexual terms. The tension on the
friendships between women and men arises
from sex-segregated socialization.
Beginning in childhood, males and females
are often separated (Monsour, 2002, 2006)
Despite these difficulties, many
women and men do form friendships with
each other and find them rewarding (West,
Anderson, & Duck, 1996). Between
these friendships both parties can gain or
offer something unique.
 For women, they receive less
emotionally tense companionship to
their male friends as compared to
their male friends.
 For men, they receive more
emotional support and therapeutic
release with women than men
friends (Koesten, 2004; Werking,
1997).
This may explain why both sexes tend
to seek women friends in times of stress
and why both women and men are
generally more comfortable self-disclosing
to women than to men (Monsour, 2006).
GENDERED ROMANTIC
RELATIONSHIPS
The General Rule on Gendered
Romantic Relationships. We have different
cultural upbringings and insights about
relationships. But most if not all of us,
regardless of our nationalities have the
same cultural script for romance and it tells
us that:
 Feminine women and masculine
men are desirable.
 Men should initiate, plan, and direct
most activities in a relationship.
 Women should facilitate
conversation, generally defer to
men, but control sexual activity.
 Men should excel in status and
earning money, and women should
assume primary responsibility for the
relationships.
DEVELOPING ROMANTIC INTIMACY
 Intimacy is achieved when we
become close to someone else and
are reassured that we are loved and
accepted for who we are.
 Children usually develop intimacy
with parents and peers.
 As adults, we seek intimacy in close
relationships with other adults,
friends, family and with a partner.
 Our views of desirable partners often
reflect cultural gender expectations
—success and status in males,
beauty and nurturing tendencies in
females.
Heterosexual Relationships
 Men takes the initiative
 Many people claim they don’t accept
this pattern, most heterosexuals still
conform to it.
Androgynous Relationships
 Breaks from rigid cultural definitions
of masculinity and feminity.
 Behave in more flexible, less
stereotypical ways

GENDERED PATTERNS IN COMMITTED
RELATIONSHIPS
Gendered orientations influence four
primary dimensions of long-term love
relationships:
 Modes of expressing care
 Needs for autonomy and connection
 Responsibility for relational
maintenance
 Power
GENDERED MODES OF EXPRESSING
AFFECTION
Masculine mode of expressing affection
is instrumental and activity focused.
Feminine mode is emotionally expressive
and talk focused.
Women often feel hurt and shut out if
men don’t want to discuss feelings and the
relationship. Whereas many women feel
that ongoing talk keeps problems from
developing.
Some men feel resentful or intruded on
when women push them to be emotionally
expressive.
 Men often find talking about a
relationship unnecessary
 Men are more likely to express
caring by doing things for and with
their partners
Research shows that men as well as
women are more satisfied with partners who
are willing to engage in intimate self-
disclosure, to give emotionally supportive
responses, and to be sensitive and
empathic.
Cultural Bias Favoring Feminine Modes
of Expressing Love
 Gay and lesbian couples tend to
share perspectives about how to
communicate affection.
 Gay men generally engage in more
emotional and intimate talk than
straight men but less than women of
any sexual orientation.
 Lesbian partner mutual
attentiveness to nurturing and
emotional openness may explain
why lesbians report more
satisfaction with their romantic
relationships than gays or
heterosexuals do.
GENDERED PREFERENCES FOR
AUTONOMY & CONNECTION
 Autonomy is about a person’s ability
to act on his or her own values and
interests. 
 Autonomy and connection are two
basic needs of all humans.
 We all need to feel that we have
both personal freedom and
meaningful interrelatedness with
others
 Demand-withdraw occurs in one of
two patterns between marital
partners, in which one
 Partner is the demander, seeking
change, discussion, or resolution of
an issue, while the other partner is
the withdrawer, seeking to end or
avoid discussion of the issue.
 For instance, to think that a man
who wants time alone doesn’t care
for his partner or value a relationship
is to interpret his withdrawal
according to a feminine rule.
 Although the demand–withdraw
pattern may persist in relationships,
we can eliminate the poison of
misinterpretation by respecting
different needs for autonomy and
connection.
 Both men and women are likely to
withdraw when partners demand or
request change; however, the
intensity of withdrawal is greater
when a woman requests change in a
man than when a man requests
change in a woman
 Masculine individuals tend to be
more comfortable when they have
some distance from others, whereas
feminine people tend to be more
comfortable with close connections.
GENDERED RESPONSIBILITY FOR
RELATIONAL HEALTH
Lesbian couples are more likely to
share responsibility for their relationships.
Because most lesbians, like most
heterosexual women, acquire feminine
ways of thinking and behaving, both
partners are sensitive to interpersonal
dynamics and interested in discussing and
working through issues in their relationship.
WHEN FOCUSING ON FEELINGS MAKES
US FEEL BAD
Women, on average, pay more
attention to emotions than men. This
enables women to connect with their
emotions and work with their feelings.
However, there may be a disadvantage.
According to research, women have
a higher proclivity to dwell on their emotions
than males. Excessive brooding may cause
women to get trapped in unpleasant
emotions and emotionally slide downhill into
despair.
Experts advise ladies to break out of
their unpleasant emotions by going
someplace, doing something, or focusing
their attention elsewhere. In other words,
instrumental coping techniques, which are
usually male, may be beneficial.
I PROMISE NOT TO EXASPERATE MY
HUSBAND. NOT!
Interdependency, or being able to
depend on each other, is part of what
makes a marriage special and successful.
Dependability is one of the top qualities
people look for in a spouse, and it should
be. If one or both of you can’t depend on
each other, the viability of your marriage is
threatened.
When you make a promise to your
spouse or say you do something for your
spouse or family and then you don’t keep
your word, you’re letting your spouse down
and hurting your marriage. Keeping your
word and following through on your
promises helps to reinforce the trust that
your spouse has in you. Not keeping your
word tells your spouse that you simply don’t
care, whether or not that’s actually true. It
makes your spouse feel unloved or
unimportant as if they aren’t worth the effort,
and it probably makes you feel bad too.
So why do people break their
promises and not keep their word? There is
a multitude of potential reasons behind this
and it differs for every individual. Some
people minimize their need for others, which
may be a result of early childhood
experiences where there was not a reliable
caretaker available. People who
experienced this tend to learn to take care
of themselves, avoiding out to others for
help because they may not know how to
depend on someone else. Another reason
interdependency may be difficult for some
people is because they were raised in a
household filled with chaos. There was no
consistency and a poor (or no) model of a
mature marriage was all that was available,
so they may not fully understand the
nuances of what it means to be able to
count on each other.
GENDERED POWER DYNAMICS
Gender dynamics are informed by
sociocultural ideas about gender and the
power relationships that define them.
Depending upon how they are manifested,
gender dynamics can reinforce or challenge
existing norms
Example:
Gender roles and the lack of power
that women have in many traditional
societies adversely affect the health of
women in many ways.
For example, reproductive roles can
be emphasized, resulting in high birth rates,
high maternal mortality, and this emphasis
can interfere with a woman’s autonomy,
limiting her decision making power and use
of financial resources.
For example, in 2008, Nepal’s
maternal mortality rate reached 830 deaths
per 100,000 live births (compared to less
than 15 deaths in developed nations).
Though limited facilities and lack of quality
of care contribute to this high maternal
mortality rate, the disempowerment, low
status, and restricted decision-making
capacity of females also contribute.
In addition, in many societies,
women are valued only for their ability to
produce children, and they may put
themselves at risk in order to do so. As a
Nepalese woman explains, “I got married
when I was 14 years old and after 2 years of
marriage I became a mother. I have no
intention to have another baby before this
one goes to school, but my husband doesn’t
agree. He wanted to have at least four sons.
It won’t affect him even if I die during
childbirth but I have to produce them
because it was his wish.

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 Dr. Keller, K. (2002). Gendered
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Taking Charge of your Health &
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