Oceanic Panorama

An intense blanket of yellow rays glistens on the fiery summer’s day. The hot sand burns the
sole of my feet as I dig my toes into the sand with each step. Seagulls squawk through the
clear sky and the smell of the salty crisp air all in a thick sheet of brine. Tidal waves that
tango through the turquoise shores.1 Spread out behind the sand is the grassy patch, swaying
and collapsing side to side as the breeze blew past creating a hypnotic mirage. It went vividly
with the elusive ocean’s surface shimmering like glass in the sunlight.2

Viewing the picturesque ocean, I spotted a lonely bench. As I sat down, a cacophony of
sounds whirled past. Losing myself in the surrounds; families playing in the sand, older kids,
brave and strong were sitting on the colourful towels shovelling grease soaked chips in
handfuls towards the open gage in their round pimply face.4 Birds rushing to and fro, waves
crashing on the shore, strangers dance through sand, shrieks of excitement. Beyond. The
water was waiting for me.

My meandering mind focuses on the intangible water. Broken images of the past were
coming back to me; the rims of my bathing suit shudder in anticipation as I took each step
towards the roaring waters. What was this? My innocent mind puzzles at how people find this
fun. My heart pound as each wave gobbled them down but it was always followed by a shriek
of ecstatic as they arose to the surface. Two warm hands grabbed my small fingers, one was
soft and smooth whilst the other was rough but comforting. I looked up at the two towering
people, their confident smiles reassured me.
‘Johnny, don’t be frightened. We’ll always be here for you...’ the woman’s faint voice
echoed in my head. A change of pace with a quick step and a hop evade the burning sensation
in my feet, and I have reached the formidable obstacle.

***

It was past twelve now, the hooting of owls gave me goose bumps on my arms. I crept slowly
towards the front door. Restraining from jiggling the keys, the door swung open by itself. It
made me jumped.
‘Where have you been?” A voice sneered loudly.
She glared at me; her eyes had dark circles under them. This was unusual since she would
never go on with the day without her practical cosmetics.
“Out”, I replied plainly.
“Out?! Have you any idea how worried I was?”
“Sorry, I was planning to come back earlier but things happen, now if you don’t mind I’m
going to bed,” I walked off to the stairs.
She grabbed my wrist with her smooth hands.
“Johnny...you just can’t do this. I don’t understand. Why didn’t you pick up when I called
you?”
“I had my phone off and forgot to turn on.”
“Where were you?”
“That’s none of your business. I’m sixteen, I can think for myself.”
“I care for you Johnny. I just want to know.”
“For God’s sake, you’re not my mother!” I forcibly pushed her hand away and quickly
walked upstairs.
“I know I’m not...” She whispered softly as I reached the final step.

She has always irritated me but I always had to conceal it with a perfect smile that I long
practised but I just can’t do it anymore. I’m not the passive child that would agree with
everything that she said or do. This time I’ve had enough. Dad always said that she was the
best thing that’s ever happened to us. How could he be so cruel? How could he forget her like
that...?
I screwed up my eyes to prevent tears. As I was leaning on the door, I slid down to sit,
hugging my knees. I never felt so alone.
“You liar... you said you would always be here for me...”

***

The sun shone brightly through my thin curtains as I straightened up my collar and undid the
first few buttons on my school shirt. I made sure I woke up early today since I didn’t know
how to face her. I’ve never told anyone off before especially not my step-mother. The
memory at the beach must have really got to me. I gave out a long sigh as I swung my blue
blazer over my shoulders; it had tiny threads poking out of it. It was originally indigo but I
liked it just the way it is.

It was hard to creep quietly on the stairs; it always made a creak for even the lightest step. I
managed a few quiet sounds. I reached for the front door handle.
“Aren’t you going to eat something before you go?”
I turned around and realized she prepared a banquet on the dinner table we never used ever
since...
“Uh, no it’s alright. I have to head to school early today,” I lied.
“C’mon Johnny, a little brekkie won’t hurt anybody,” she smiled.
“Where’s Dad?”
“He’s received an early phone call from the hospital. Don’t mind him, come on and eat up!”
I sat down and ate obediently.
“The Carlsons officially moved in next door yesterday but they still had stuff settled this
morning.” She carried on.
I just sat and listened to her casual ranting.
“I’m done here. I’ll see you later.”
“Have a good day at school Johnny.”
“Uh thanks you too Jules...” I nodded.
I rushed out quickly before she could say anything else. I walked past the new neighbours,
their house was incredible. It was two stories and had a highly old, decorated front door with
glass railings on the balcony. The front gate was fine detailed outline of flowers that blended
well with the lukewarm yellow walls. Dad has always admired that house. He was
determined to rearrange our house with antiques and anything that had historic meaning to it
before I was born so that I would grow up to love what he loved. And I did. A boy walked
out of the ornamented door. I’ve never seen him before. He had spiked up blonde hair and an
amazingly white shirt that hid underneath his deep indigo blazer with an emblem that read
‘Kingston High School’.
He must be part of the family that Jules mention. Nothing more than a snobby rich kid. I
quickly averted my eyes on the path and kept walking.

***

‘Hey Johnny, over here!”

“Sup Andy,” I grinned.
We clasp our hands together and nudge each other as hard as possible on the shoulders. Andy
was an incredibly pale and tall guy; he had jet black hair and dark eyes but lately they’re
turning bloodshot red, he said he wasn’t been sleeping enough. He led me towards two other
guys. Toni and Phil were pretty known in the school. They were strong guys but looked as if
they would collapse anytime soon. I could smell the bitter smoky atmosphere around them.
Their lazy eyes were half opened; they looked like giant sloths laughing hysterically at each
other. I broke from my daft imagination.
“Hey Newbie, ‘bout time you came.” Toni smirked.
I managed to greet each one of them with a high five.
“Alright, now that we’re all here, last night I’ve managed to swipe a pretty decent plan for
today’s adventure,” he cleared his throat.
I knew exactly what he meant by ‘adventure’. Even though these guys may look like dim-
witted sloths, they were real experts on truants. They were the ‘RR’ real rebels as people
would imply to them as. I’ve managed to learn a few tricks here and there after looping off
twice with them. Andy was the person who scouted me to join them. I knew they would be
the wrong crowd to hang out with, I knew they could never meet my standards. I was
intelligent, I’ve passed all chemistry exams and my literature was inhumane compared to the
other students. But I was envious of their freedom and unruly behaviours. Being with them
was less stressing and for the first time in my high school life I had fun even if it meant
skipping school or loitering around. I didn’t care because I knew I was smart, everything was
just too easy.

The bell rung just after Toni finished telling us to meet up at their hideout at recess.
I shrugged on my bag and went to line up. A bunch of screeching girls whimpered as the
guys threw their footballs around. The ridiculous lack of common sense the year sevens
retain. School was a blur, everything was chaos and nothing mattered to me anymore. I want
to get away from all this. Andy and his friends gave me a feeling that I existed, that I was
wanted, everything Dad could never give me after the incident.

***

“Everyone, be quiet!” Mr. Long shouted over the top of the deafening screams of the
students. He continued to lecture the class after managing to quieten them down. I found my
seat at the back of the classroom. I didn’t like to draw attention to myself, even when
someone asked how I was, the answer I gave them would always be a casual ‘fine’. Quite a
few people have tried befriending me but my injudicious absent-minded personality turned
them off.
“Jonathan Jonath-...!” an echo of my name awoke my soliloquising daydream.
I stared at what was in front of me. Mr. Long was smiling warmly down at me with his arm
on the shoulders of a blonde boy. It was the same guy that walked out of the embellishing
house.
“What is it?” I raised my eyebrow.
“We have a new student; he’ll be joining our class from today onwards. I checked his
timetable and they seem to be compatible to yours.”
“And...?”
“And I would like you to make him feel welcome by accompanying him around and show
him the essential areas of the school.”
“Sorry Sir but I seriously have plans today; I need to go to the library at recess.” I argued
back.
“That’ll be great! You could show him the marvellous books Kingston High has to offer.” He
walked off smiling, but there was a hint in his eyes that told me “You better do it or else” sort
of thing.
“Can I sit here?” The blonde guy spoke with a soft soprano voice.
“Uh sure,” I pulled my leg away from the seat.
“Paul Carlson.” He reached out his hand towards me.
“Huh? Oh...right. Johnny, Johnny Cooper.” I lightly shook his hand.
“You were the guy walking from the posh vintage gates, weren’t you?” He smiled.
“Posh? Vintage? Please... they’re barely anything special. Plus as if you can talk, look at your
house.” I snickered.
He turned bright red.
“No seriously, they’re really pretty. I like the little designs, they’re so detailed.”
“Yeah... I guess so; my Dad was into that stuff.”
This guy wasn’t so bad, he definitely knew his antiques. We spent most of the lesson telling
each other what old stuff we had in the house, it was surprisingly interesting. I could never
tell Andy and the guys or they’ll chortled and I’ll probably come back home with a few
bruises.

Usually the sound of the bell was music to my ears but today a rush of disappointment struck
me. I still had to show Paul around and I wasn’t feeling so bad about it. The weird thing was,
I could actually talk to him. The conversations amongst my other friends were usually about
girls, alcohol and ordinary humdrum things.

***

“So there are the toilets and the canteen is just adjacent to it,” I pointed out to the landscape
of students shoving each other in the line.
Paul looked surprised to see such aggressive behaviour of the average Kingston student.
“...You’ll get used to immaturity in this school,” I added.
“Ha-ha, I guess I need to toughen up a bit then.”
I pointed out the staff rooms and gave him some tips on dealing with idiotic people in the
hallway.
Each time he would laugh and comment on the differences between here and his private
school.
“Weren’t you supposed to go to the library?”
I peeked at my watch and ran outrageously towards the library. Those guys are going to grill
me. Even though I was allow to tag along with them, I knew I wasn’t officially one of them.
There were rules of being part of the ‘RR’ and being late to one of Toni’s decent truant plans
was definitely a no-no. I realized I just dashed away from Paul, I turned back and there
wasn’t anyone behind me.
“What’s with the rush?” Paul laughed beside me.
I knew I was one of the fastest runners in school, Paul was actually running beside me. I was
pretty impressed. We had more in common that I thought.
“Oh god, they’re going to rage!” I huffed.
“Who’s going to rage?”
“What am I going to say to them about you?”
“Johnny, what are you talking about?”
“Crap, crap, crap! Okay just follow me. Don’t worry.” I stopped and went past the library.
“Wasn’t that the library?”
“Yeah yeah, just be quiet and follow me.”
Everything past the library was basically deserted, not even teachers patrolled those areas
because nobody hung around there except the RR but no one knows that of course.
I rustled through the knee-length grass; the smell of tobacco hovered around and voices
murmuring as we got closer.
“C’mon man, don’t you think that’s a bit low? Johnny’s one of us now, isn’t he?” Andy
uttered.
I came to a halt and pulled out a hand to stop Paul from taking another step.
“What. Are you an idiot? We can use him, his house is full of cashed up junk and his dad’s a
doctor, right? Plus you’re dying for some more of that...”
What did they mean by that? What did Toni mean by using me?
“Johnny was a pretty good mate to me though...” Andy sighed.
“Good mate? Ha-ha, he’s nothing more than a snobby rich kid,” Toni sneered.
I could hear the other guys laughing as well, adding insults about my intelligence and family.
“Johnny...why are they saying all those awful things? Are they your friends?” Paul
whispered.
“No... No, this can’t be happening! They’re my friends...!” My eyes puzzled and focused on
the ground.

“Mummy will never come back. I’m sorry, son.”

The moment those transparent words came out of Dad’s mouth, everything fell apart. All the
perfect, crystal-clear childhood memories that I thought would last forever shattering into a
million pieces leaving me behind grasping for that happiness. I was desperate. Every second
felt like an eternity. The pain of denying reality and the realisation of my unfinished story
that cannot be told without her anymore was agonising.
I’ve always wondered why she walked so slowly. I begged and cried for her to take me with
her when Dad told me she needed to go out for a few weeks. The deep irregular breaths she
took after each step on the stairs. Her skin began to turn pale and large bubbly veins were
sticking out at the back of her hand. I was surprised to see her come back with a smooth
round face, barely any sight of her beautiful silky brown hair left on her head. Tears ran down
my soft, red cheeks shaking my head furiously in refusal to who she was. But the moment she
smiled, I knew I had it wrong, her stunning lips curved up, her light dimples poked inwards.
She was who I needed. I never wanted to let go. Why was I so oblivious? I kept pushing her,
crying for her even though she knew she couldn’t do it, she still put an effort and forced
herself. I was thick and selfish. I was thinking of my own happiness. I wasn’t thinking how
much pain she had to put up with. Everything was my fault.

***

“Johnny! Hey, are you alright?” Paul gave my shoulders a little shake.
“Oh..S-sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me...” My eyes filled up with tears.
“Hey hey, don’t worry about it. We all have these moments. Well...I don’t know your story
but I understand.” He smiled.
This guy was too good to be true. He knew me too well. He was a friend I truly wished for all
this time. If only he’d found me earlier then everything will be perfect.
“Well well, look at what we got here. Well, aren’t you two cosy there?” Toni scoffed.
The other guys emerged out of the long grass. All their eyes were bloodshot especially Andy
and Toni. Andy had a rolled up cigarette in hand and he was inhaling it frantically.
“A-Andy?! What the hell are you doing? Stop it!” I shouted.
“Shut up! Isn’t it obvious? I need more drugs... Johnny, please... I need cash, just lean me
some. I promise I’ll pay back!” Andy ran up to me and shook my rapidly.
I swung a punch at his face; he flew down to the ground. Toni threw himself at me and
wrapped his hands around my neck, choking me.
“Don’t take it personally Johnny. We liked you because you got money,” Toni squeezed my
neck tighter.
I tried shoving him off but I needed more air, my arms began to come weak. Suddenly, his
rough hands let go of my neck. Paul hauled Toni to the ground.
“What’s the hells your problem!” He yelled.
He had Toni rigid on the ground. Paul was surprisingly strong.
“Dammit! Get off me!” Toni struggled.
Phil quickly grabbed Paul and knees him a few times in the stomach. I could hear Paul’s
coughing. Blood quickly ran down his mouth. Andy was shaking horribly; he still struggled
to get up from the punch and went to sit in the sports shed. “More, please, I need more”, he
murmured repeatedly.
“Damn Andy, get the back here, you crazy bastard!” Toni bellowed hysterically.
Toni ran up to Phil who was having trouble getting Paul down to the ground.
“Get out of my way!” He shoved Phil against the wall.
He swerved a punch to Paul.
“Toni, please stop. We can get through this; we’ll talk it out, okay?” I managed to talk
calmly.
I knew Toni had lost it. Phil was lying flat on the ground, his head was bleeding.
“No! Ha-ha, you think we can just talk it out? Are you that dumb?”
“We can! You just need to calm down. Please...”
“Ha-ha, I don’t care anymore. I know I’ve lost it. Get me some dope and we can talk it out,
alright?” He laughed hysterically.
Toni was going to throw another punch but Paul stopped him.
“Paul! Don’t hurt him!”
“Ugh! Damn you!” Toni tried getting out of his grip.
He reached for his pocket and pulled out a dagger. It was rusty but sharp.
“Damn you all!” He yelled loudly.
He clenched the handle and aimed it at Paul.
“Paul! Look out!” I shoved Paul out of the way.
I felt a sharp gouge above my hip and a sudden desperation for air. Everything was going
darker and slower. I could hear a few more punches and kicks.
“Johnny! Oh god, Johnny... stay with me mate,” Paul grabbed me.
His voice was becoming softer and his face was fading away. I finally found a true friend but
now he’s going away. The pain, the sadness everything felt the same. The darkness crept in,
devouring me in it. I could hear the sound of the sea... the shrieks, the seagulls and Mum’s
faint voice.

***

“Johnny, look at what I found over there!” Paul grinned.

He held out an old yellow seashell. It had brown little curves on it that made a beautiful
pattern.
“Wow. It’s amazing. How did you find it?”
“Over by that little ridge. There were a lot of different colours too.”
“Johnny! Paul! Lunch time! C’mon!” Jules shouted cheerfully.
She handed us plates of ham and cheese sandwiches.
“Johnny, make sure you don’t go in the water, okay? Your wound hasn’t healed yet.” Jules
sighed.
“Yeah yeah, I know,” I smiled.
“Oh, by the way, I got a letter from Andy this morning. I thought it’ll be nice to read it while
we’re here.” Jules opened the envelope.
“Hey Johnny, I’m really happy to hear that you’ve recovered so fast. I’m doing alright here,
same old same old. Yeah you should totally come visit us, it gets pretty dull here. Toni is
seriously making good progress. He wanted to tell you that your advice really motivated him
to get out of here as soon as possible and live life as it hits you. I’m so glad he’s thinking for
himself. As for me, I’m going to try as hard as I can and get out there and see the world, you
know. I always wanted to travel. Well I hope you have fun at the beach. Oh and get me a few
seashells. I want to hear the ocean even if I can’t be there. Okay, I better get going. Take
care of your family and tell Paul I said hey. See ya!”
“He sounds like he’s doing really well for himself!” Paul beamed.
“Yeah, he is,” I nodded.
We quickly finished the sandwiches and ran across the beach. I spotted the lonely bench.
“Paul, follow me.”
We sat on the bench, looking out to the same view. Somehow, it’s hard to believe but by even
the tiniest bit, the ocean became more beautiful.
“She’s stunning, isn’t she?” Dad smiled.
He sat down next to me and breath in deeply as if he could feel the movements of the waves.
“Just like your mother...”
I smiled and closed my eyes. No matter where I am, she will always be there waiting
beautifully in the oceanic panorama.

By: Alice Dong