Business Communication

SCORE:
Far Eastern University
General Education Office

NAME: Buenavista, Reena S. SECTION/SCHEDULE: W,S 12-1:30 pm DATE: 11/11/20

PROGRAM/MAJOR: BS ACTIVITY # 1 FACULTY: Ms.

Accountancy Business Communication – Email Sanapo

GENERAL INSTRUCTIONS: Read the three letters carefully and do what is asked in each question.
Remember to take note of the rubrics for your essay and email. They are included in the Week 7 folder.

BEGIN HERE:

I. MESSAGE TONES. It is important to know how we communicate mirrors the kind of person we are.
In the business setting, a message tone is a reflection of the writer and it affects how the reader will
perceive the message. Business writing must have the proper tone to ensure it is effective. If the tone
leaves the content unclear, confusing or, worst case, offensive, the reader won’t be able to properly
absorb or react to the text (Cullen, 2018).

Letter #1: Revise the email below to eliminate the negative tone and attitude of impatience with the
patient.

Dear Mrs. Cruz,

As we have repeatedly discussed at least five times already on the phone with you and even on emails you
sent occasionally, we can no longer provide you the remote assistance of constantly providing you
reminders on the dosages of your medicines. For the last time, always refer to the prescriptions and notes
provided to you when you were discharged. There are eight medicines that you have to take everyday.
You already have the details about these medicines. After all, we hope you have already remembered
everything since you have already called us regularly in the past days.

Much as we want to offer remote assistance, we also have current patients who need physical care and
attention. We hope that by this time you have already remembered everything. With all due respect, we
hope you do not misunderstand this message. We are just busy at the moment because of the huge
number of patients currently confined in the hospital.

Thanks,

Juan Dela Cruz

Nurse

1) Your revised version of the email communication (10pts)

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Dear Mrs. Cruz,

We regret to inform you that we can no longer guarantee the remote assistance of providing reminders
about your medicines. We understand that dealing with medical matters could be sometimes confusing. We
would be more than willing to continue providing this assistance. However, at the moment, there are huge
number of patients that are currently waiting for our physical care and attention in this hospital. We are
afraid that if we give more time on constantly reminding you about the dosages of your medicines, it will
affect the quality of care we would give to other patients.

We hope you do not misunderstand this message for we still care for you. Hence, if you still cannot
remember what we have discussed on the phone, here are our suggestions of what you can do:
1. Refer to the prescriptions and notes provided to you when you were discharged
2. Check the details about the medicines
3. Write your own notes about it in a way that you will easily understand and remember
4. Look for our previous emails in your inbox that might have contained reminders about the dosages
of your medicines

Thank you for understanding.

Best regards,

Juan Dela Cruz

Nurse

2. What do you think is the content of the email sent by Mrs. Cruz to Nurse Juan? (5pts)

Considering the message tone of Nurse Juan in the email, it can be assumed that Mrs. Cruz still sent them
questions about the medicines she has already previously asked on their phone or email conversations.
The content would be about her queries on the dosages of her medicines again which has been constantly
provided by Nurse Juan; hence, it explains why the message appeared to be like he is annoyed or with an
attitude of impatience.

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3. How do you feel about the email reply of Nurse Juan? Why did you feel that way? What can be the
implication of message tones to the professional therapeutic relationship? (5pts)

I felt like if I were Mrs. Cruz, I would be either angry or disappointed with their service. I find the way
Nurse Juan emphasized that they have already discussed it with her numerous times offensive. First of all,
he should not have assumed that all their patients have the same level of understanding with regards to
medical matters. After all, it is not her fault that she cannot immediately understand and remember all of
them. He should have directly explained their situation on having huge number of patients on the hospital
instead of making it sound like he has had enough with her queries. This kind of message tones could
affect their therapeutic relationship negatively as it could lose the trust and respect of the patient which is
vital if Nurse Juan truly aims for the wellness of Mrs. Cruz. How he cares for his patients and how he
values their nurse-patient relationship could reflect on his message tones.

Letter #2: Revise the letter and make it professional as it is too emotional and too casual.

John,
What happened today between you and Mark????? I’m expecting a professional behavior from you both
and what you have done does not qualify as that!!!!!!!!!! Please explain!!!!
Regards,
Simon

1. Your revised version of the email communication (10pts)

Dear John,

I have been informed of what happened between you and Mark today. I hope you are aware that I am
always expecting all of you to act professionally in this organization. Thus, I would appreciate it if you
could explain to me what led you to that kind of actions.

Looking forward for your immediate response.

Regards,
Simon

2. What is wrong with the original email? How did you make it right? (5pts)
Based on the context of the message, it appears that Simon is most likely the leader of John, the receiver.
However, how Simon interacts with him casually through the letter does not establish the kind of work
relationship they have. Additionally, it also contradicts his expectations from his subordinates for his way of
communication does not reflect a professional behavior itself. With that, I tried to correct the letter by
making it formal, particularly through adding proper salutation, removing the excessive use of punctuation
marks, as well as properly constructing the sentences in a way that it does not attack the person. I tried to
make the sender still sound calm and respectable despite the situation, like how real professional leaders
should address different issues.

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Letter #3: Revise the letter and make it professional as it is too personal and unappropriate in language.

Hi,
The password to my Paypal account is m1ccu54. Please login tomorrow and make the payment I asked
you to. You should find all the information you need inside the account.
Call me if you run into any trouble.
John

1. Your revised version of the email communication (10pts)

Dear client,

You may now proceed to make our agreed payment, amounting Php 500.000. Please use either of the
details of my Paypal account below:

Email Address: john123@gmail.com

Mobile Number: 09876543219

If you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Thank you,
John

2. What is wrong with the original email? How did you make it right? (5 pts)

If we depend on the content of the letter, we can deem that John is talking to someone who owes him an
amount of money, perhaps a client. It is a business-kind of relationship however, the words used are too
informal. It is wrong to use the salutation ‘Hi’ in this context for it may offend the receiver, considering
that their relationship is only for business matters. On top of that, sensitive information like passwords
should not be shared, particularly, on a professional letter such as this. Hence, to match formality of the
relationship, I changed the salutation into what is commonly used in formal business letters, as well as
ended it with a proper closing. I also tried not to make it sound demanding, applied the appropriate words,
and included the right details needed for the payment this time.

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