Nightmare Time Ep2 With Lyrics

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EPISODE 2
Written by
Nick & Matt Lang
October 17, 2020

Nightmare Time Ep.2 1.
‘NIGHTMARE TIME THEME’
SONG LYRICS - WRITTEN BY JEFF BLIM
You, no need to run away

You little run-away
Cuz the nightmare will get you soon
No need to contemplate
How deeply that you’re afraid
Cuz your life is a waning moon
It’s a matter of time, A matter of time
Don’t need to look far to find it
Every story you tell we’re in pursuit
It’s all in your mind, It’s all in your mind
Look behind you!
Hey what was that?
Boo
You can run, but are you fast enough?
You can hide, but I will find you
Close your eyes if you don’t dose off
Hold your breath so I don’t hear you
The trail of tears that you will leave me
Will lead me straight to those that fear me
You can run if I don’t catch you
But the Nightmare Time is gonna get you
Take every precaution, babe
Get out the caution tape
Cuz the timer is ticking down
You even understand
The danger that you are in?
You’re standing on shaky ground
It’s a victimless crime, A victimless crime
I’m in your head and you know it
Nothing that you do about it
It’s all by design, All by design...
Where’d he go?
You can run but, are you fast enough?
You can hide, but I will find you
Close your eyes if you don’t dose off
Hold your breath so I don’t hear you
The trail of tears that you will leave me
Will lead me straight to those that fear me
But the Nightmare Time is gonna get you
Just run away if you want, if you dare
The Nightmare’s gonna get you
The Nightmare’s gonna get you
Daddy’s gonna get you
But the Nightmare Time already caught you
10.17.20
PART 1:
Written by
Nick & Matt Lang
October 17, 2020

Forever & Always 1.
‘FOREVER & ALWAYS’
Forever and always

Forever I needed
Forever I wanted something more to come true
Forever and always
Forever I pleaded with the world
That it’d see things from my point of view
The day we collided, all my plans had fell through
I finally conceded, that fate had planned something new
It was forever and always you
Forever and always
Forever I knew that
Forever I knew that I was alone and for good.
Forever and always
Forever succeeded in excluding the world
From wherever I stood
Your heart was unflinching, mine still broke in two
My walls were collapsing, once defeated I knew
It was forever and always you
It was forever and always….
Oh, how much time is left
I’m so in love that
One day less than forever won’t be enough
Oh, there’s so much I’d take back
I can’t shake that
All the time we wasted with anyone but us
Forever and always us
Forever and always us
Forever and always...
Us
Lang, 10.17.20
Forever & Always 2.
EP2, PT1: FOREVER & ALWAYS
Crisp, clean sunlight streams through large stained glass

windows. A gathering of FRIENDS & FAMILY sits in the main
hall of Hatchetfield’s Natural History Museum, which has been
booked for a very special occasion. PROFESSOR HENRY HIDGENS
officiates...
HIDGENS
(turning to address the
CROWD seated before him)
And now, the bride and groom have
prepared their own vows. Paul...
PAUL MATTHEWS stands dressed in a very handsome tuxedo. He

smiles down at his bride-to-be...
PAUL
Hi… Emma…
EMMA PERKINS smiles back. Her dress is prefect. Her braided

up-do woven with flowers.
In the crowd, BILL WOODWARD dabs his eyes with a HANKY.
BILL
(Softly sobs)
A WOMAN with curls & cat-eye glasses, SYLVIA, takes his arm.
SYLVIA
Oh, Billy, it’s so romantic.
Behind them, a MAN IN A HURRY checks his watch.
MAN IN A HURRY
I wish they’d just kiss already.
Paul unfolds a piece of PAPER, and starts to read.
PAUL
(to Emma)
Wow. Here we are. Seems like it was
only yesterday when I walked into a
local coffee shop for a cup of
black coffee. No cream. No sugar.
Nothing in it. And there you were,
working at the register…
(a beat)
And you were very rude to me.
The crowd chuckles.
Lang, 10.17.20
Forever & Always 3.
PAUL (CONT'D)
And yet, I found myself coming back
to Beanie’s the next day. And the
day after that. And every day after
that. For a while, I told myself it
was for the coffee, but who am I
kidding? It was bad coffee.
EMMA
(nodding)
The coffee’s shit. We spit in it
sometimes.
PAUL
The truth is, what kept me coming
back, time after time, was a girl.
A girl who gets chatty when she’s
stressed. A girl who can make you
laugh while she’s wiping down a
counter, or brewing a pot of decaf.
A girl who’s smile can make your
heart sing, even if you don’t like
musicals.
(a beat)
I was born here in Hatchetfield. I
never had any kind of aspirations
for myself. I never really wanted
anything… Until I met you, Emma
Perkins. You gave me a purpose.
Because I want to be a man who’s
worthy to stand up here with you.
And I vow to do everything in my
power to be that man. I love you,
Emma Perkins… The Latte Hottay…
(impersonating Borat)
My wife.
CROWD
Haha!
The crowd loved that one. Especially TED.
TED
Yes! That’s fuckin’ Borat, dude!
PAUL
(to Emma)
Forever and always.
HIDGENS
(motioning to her)
Emma.
She unfolds her own VOWS and starts to read...
Lang, 10.17.20
Forever & Always 4.
EMMA
Wow. Here we are. You know, I
remember the night before my
sister, Jane, got married. I was on
the phone with her... trying to
talk her out of it. Sorry, Tom.
In the crowd, TOM HOUSTON is not amused.
TOM
(nods)
Mmhmm.
EMMA
I said, “You’re really gonna let
this hairy, Yeti-man hog half your
bed, filling it with his farts, for
the rest of your life?” And that’s
how it was for the rest of her
life... but I don’t think she
woulda had it any other way.
(a beat)
If I could go back in time and talk
to a younger Emma Perkins, I’m sure
she’d tell me there’s no worse fate
than settling down and getting
married in Hatchetfield. To which
I’d say, “Could be worse... You
could be gettin’ hitched in
Clivesdale.”
CROWD
Hahaha!
This sends the crowd into a celebratory frenzy. Bill

shouts...
BILL
Fuck Clivesdale!
PAUL
(softly, proudly)
Yeah. Fuck ‘em.
EMMA
(continuing)
And I’d tell her, “Relax. You
haven’t met Paul yet.” But now I
have, and I find myself doing these
things I never thought I would. I
think it’s because there’s this
part of me I didn’t know before.
(MORE)
Lang, 10.17.20
Forever & Always 5.
EMMA (CONT'D)
The part that wants to save money
instead of blowing it on another
hiking trip. The part of me that
thinks it’s a huge turn-on that you
just have a boring office job that
you don’t like but you do anyway
because it gets us health
insurance. I never had insurance
before I met you, Paul. I never
used to think about the future. Now
I think about it all the time. I
wanna thank you, for introducing me
to that Emma.
(a beat, tears welling up)
I know who I am now. I’m Emma
Perkins. And I love you, Paul
Matthews. Forever and…
HOMELESS MAN
Liar!
Everyone turns to find a HOMELESS MAN standing in the aisle.
EMMA
What?
HOMELESS MAN
(points to Emma
definitively)
I said, YOU are a fucking LIAR!
PAUL
Excuse me. Who let that guy in
here?
HOMELESS MAN
(to Emma, crazed)
You think I don’t know? You think I
don’t remember?!? I’ve seen the
plan… You aren’t Emma Perkins!
Tom gets up and takes the man’s arm.
TOM
Alright, pal. That’s enough.
HOMELESS MAN
(as Tom pulls him outside)
Get off of me! Where you taking
me?!? That’s not Emma Perkins!
That’s not Emma…
(holding his CUP to Bill)
Spare change for the homeless?
(MORE)
Lang, 10.17.20
Forever & Always 6.
HOMELESS MAN (CONT'D)

(Bill’s got nothing)
THAT’S NOT EMMA!!!
Tom escorts the Homeless Man out. Ted watches them go.
TED
What a loser.
HIDGENS
(calming the crowd)
I’m sorry for the interruption,
everyone. But the show must go on!
Emma, you were saying?
He motions for Emma to continue, but she’s shaken.
EMMA
I… uh… I’m sorry.
She turns and runs off.
PAUL
Emma? Emma?
Paul follows her.
He finds Emma on a bench in an empty hallway. She’s crying,

her head in her hands. He approaches, lightly touching her
shoulder.
PAUL (CONT'D)
Emma, are you alright? I’m so
sorry. I don’t know how that
homeless man got in here, but I’m
going to have a word with the
venue…
EMMA
It’s not that, Paul. It’s just… the
reality of all this is hitting me
for the first time.
PAUL
I know. It’s crazy. But I’m right
here with you.
EMMA
Paul, I can’t do this…
PAUL
(distraught)
Emma…
Lang, 10.17.20
Forever & Always 7.
EMMA
Unless…
(looks into his eyes)
If this marriage is going to work,
it needs to be built on trust.
Right?
PAUL
Absolutely.
EMMA
(with difficulty)
You have to understand. It’s hard
for me to be one hundred percent
honest with anyone. I have a
confession to make, but I’m afraid
to tell you what it is...
PAUL
(softly, supportive)
Hey. You never have to be afraid
with me. You can tell me anything,
and I’ll only love you more.
EMMA
You sure?
PAUL
I’m positive.
EMMA
Okay… Here it goes…
(a beat, a deep breath)
I’m not Emma Perkins, and I never
was.
PAUL
(another beat, he cocks
his heads to one side)
Excuse me?
EMMA
Emma Perkins is dead.
PAUL
(utterly bewildered)
Huh?
EMMA
(sighs)
She was on a backpacking trip in
Guatemala. I was there too. She was
on a bus. There was an accident.
She didn’t make it.
(MORE)
Lang, 10.17.20
Forever & Always 8.
EMMA (CONT'D)
We were staying at the same hostel.
She’d left her things there. Her
phone rang and I answered it. It
was her brother-in-law, Tom. He was
in tears. His wife, Jane, Emma’s
sister, had also just died. He
started talking to me like I was
Emma, and I didn’t have the heart
to tell him that she was gone too.
He invited me to Jane’s funeral,
and I don’t know why, but I went.
It had been so long since Emma had
left home, and I guess I look
enough like her, that everyone just
accepted me. And it felt so good! I
never had a family, Paul. I never
had anyone. So one thing lead to
another, and… then I met you.
PAUL
(trying to understand)
Lemme get this straight, Emma…
EMMA
Again, I’m not Emma. You can keep
calling me that, but I am not her.
PAUL
Okay... Okay... Okay... So you
stole this woman’s life?
EMMA
Well, I don’t think of it like
that. It’s more like what I did
with her phone. I found something
that no one was using, I picked it
up, and I kept it.
PAUL
Um… this is… uh… a big reveal.
EMMA
Yeah. It’s a huge weight off my
chest. But remember, Paul. I am the
woman you fell in love with. Why
should it matter if my name isn’t
really ‘Emma Perkins?’ That doesn’t
change who I am now. That doesn’t
change what we have.
PAUL
But… all these people… think you’re
someone else…
Lang, 10.17.20
Forever & Always 9.
EMMA
I know! I don’t blame you if you
hate me now. I don’t blame you if
you wanna call off the wedding…
Her head falls back into her hands. The tears stream down.
Paul knows that this moment will define the rest of his life.
What kind of a man is he going to be? He kneels down beside
her, and takes her hands in his own.
PAUL
Sweetheart. Look at me…
(tenderly)
I… love… you. Whether your name is
‘Emma’…
EMMA
It’s not.
PAUL
Or whatever it is. I made a vow to
you. The woman I met at Beanies.
You don’t need to hide anything.
I’ll accept you for who you are.
Who you were…
EMMA
(stops him, gravely
serious)
Paul. Never ask me who I really am.
Don’t do it. Don’t you ever ask me
that. If you ask me, I’ll have to
tell you. And I hate to think what
would happen then.
(looks into his eyes)
I guarantee, whoever I was before
will never effect our lives from
this point forward. It may as well
have never happened. I will love
you until the day you die, but
until then you will know that I am
not Emma Perkins. If you can accept
that, then marry me. Right now.
(intensely)
Do you accept that, Paul Matthews?
Do you?
PAUL
(thinks good & hard)
I do.
WEDDING BELLS RING. Paul & Emma kiss. Their family & friends
rejoice. They eat cake. They dance all night.
Lang, 10.17.20
Forever & Always 10.
Paul kicks open the door to their HOTEL HONEYMOON SUITE. With
Emma in his arms, he carries her across the threshold and
they both fall onto the bed, kissing deeply.
PAUL (CONT'D)
I love you, Mrs. Matthews.
EMMA
(smiles playfully)
I love you too, Mr. Perkins.
PAUL
(raising a brow)
Is that how we’re doing it? Take
each other’s names?
EMMA
(shrugs)
Just an idea.
Emma pulls him into another loving embrace. For the next
week, they rent a lake house at Starry Cove, turn off their
phones, dream of the future, and enjoy that fresh, martial
bliss. It’s almost too good to last...
When the honeymoon’s over, Paul returns to his job at the

shadowy tech conglomerate, COVEN COMMUNICATIONS, RESEARCH &
POWER. Also know as... CCRP. He steps off the elevator and
heads for his cubicle, passing a woman with curls and cat-eye
glasses. SYLVIA, the receptionist from the top floor.
PAUL
Hey Sylvia.
She waves awkwardly. Her hands are full of architectural

blueprints and a strange device, something like a Geiger-
counter. Her phone is cradled between her ear and shoulder.
She speaks into it.
SYLVIA
(into the phone)
Yeah, I got the floorpan open.
(listens to the other end
of the line)
Okay. Directly over Lab C-8 would
be… Oh God! No thank you. I’m not
going into that office without a
hazmat suit.
(more from the other end)
No, I’m not afraid of a possible
temporal distortion. It’s
Spankoffski’s office. He’s made the
whole thing radio-active.
(MORE)
Lang, 10.17.20
SYLVIA (CONT'D)
The guy whacks off in there, I just
know it. I swear, when they finally
fire that bastard, I’m gonna have
‘em nail the office door shut. Just
tell ‘em I scanned it.
Later, Paul sits at his desk. One cubicle over, Bill Woodward
is on the phone with his ex-wife.
BILL
(his phone to his ear)
Of course Alice can stay with me on
her break. I’d prefer that and so
would she. What do you gotta do
that’s so important?
(listens)
France, huh? The Riviera! You going
alone or…
(listens, nods)
With Allan. Of course you are. I’m
seeing someone too, by the way.
(a beat)
It is good for me. I think she’s
the love of my life.
(getting competitive)
Well, I’m happy for me too. I’m
just worried about you and Allan.
Cuz Sylvia and I don’t need to go
to France to feel romantic. Alight,
bye!
He hangs up before she can respond. He sighs and turns to

Paul.
BILL (CONT'D)
(sigh)
Marriage is such a crock o’ shit.
(remembering)
It was a lovely ceremony, by the
way. Congratulations, Paul.
PAUL
(points to Bill’s phone)
Was that your ex-wife?
BILL
Yup. I tell ya, Paul. You think you
know somebody, but when the ring
goes on that finger... all the
secrets start coming out. First
it’s, “Allan’s just a friend. A
business associate.” Then it’s,
“Alright.
(MORE)
Lang, 10.17.20
BILL (CONT'D)
We kissed in college once.” Before
you know it, it’s “Sorry, Bill. I
never stopped loving him and I’m
leaving.”
PAUL
Well… That’s not gonna happen to
me. Emma and I don’t keep secre…
(remembers that she’s not
Emma; his eyes go wide)
We only keep secrets when we have
to.
(assuring himself)
But those secrets will not effect
our lives going forward... She
promised.
BILL
All I’m saying is, you better have
a warranty on that fan. Cuz
eventually, the shit’s gonna hit
it. Maybe not today. Maybe not
tomorrow. But someday, you’re gonna
have one shitty-ass fan on your
hands.
PAUL
(nods)
Thanks, Bill.
(a beat)
Well, I’m going to Java Café. You
want anything?
BILL
Not Beanie’s?
PAUL
I’m married to Emma now. I’m never
going to Beanie’s again. It’s
terrible.
Paul sets out, in search of coffee. Outside the CCRP

building, where he’d usually turn right to head down the
street to Beanie’s, instead he turns left. As he does, he
sees something he wasn’t expecting... EMMA. She’s bee-lining
down First Street, looking just a little lost. Her hair’s a
messy braid. She’s got a beat-up duffle bag and ripped jeans.
Paul smiles and runs after her.
PAUL (CONT'D)
Emma. Hey, Emma!
EMMA
Yeah?
Lang, 10.17.20
She turns back to him. He leans in to kiss her cheek.
PAUL
Hey, baby…
WHACK! She pushes him away, shocked, disgusted.
EMMA
Woah! Woah! Back off, man!
PAUL
(confused)
Sorry, I was just… giving you a
kiss.
EMMA
What is your problem!?
Emma’s shouting catches the attention of a PASSERBY.
PASSERBY
(approaching, eyeing Paul)
Excuse me. Is everything okay over
here?
EMMA
No!
PAUL
Yes. Yes, it is.
EMMA
Oh, it is not.
PAUL
(to the passerby)
It’s okay, sir. Emma, you can stop
kidding around now.
He reaches to put a hand on her shoulder. She hits him away.
EMMA
Get your hands off me, pervert.
PAUL
(trying to calm her)
Woah woah woah…
Soon, more PEOPLE start to gather, glaring at Paul.
PASSERBY
Hey. Back off, buddy.
Lang, 10.17.20
PAUL
(throws up his hands in
surrender)
I am. I am. If I could just
explain…
PASSERBY
Why don’t you explain away from the
lady?
PAUL
I don’t know why she’s doing this.
(turning to her)
Emma…
EMMA
How do know my name?! Who are
you?!?
PAUL
Very cute, Emma. Very funny. Haha.
I’ll see you at home.
As Paul takes off down the street, Emma yells after him.
EMMA
You stay away from me! You stay
away!!!
That night, Paul returns home to he and Emma’s APARTMENT. She

hears him come in and calls out from the kitchen.
EMMA (CONT'D)
Hi! I got a bunch of stuff today to
try out some recipes in that vegan
cook book Zoey got us. Come try
this…
PAUL
(staring her down)
What is your problem?
EMMA
(holding a fork-full of
the meal she’s been
cooking)
What? We talked about going vegan,
remember? Good for our bodies, good
for the planet?
PAUL
I’m not talking about that. You
humiliated today. Why? Why would
you do that?
Lang, 10.17.20
EMMA
(confused)
I don’t know what you’re talking
about.
PAUL
Do you think this is funny? To
embarrass me? To scare me?
EMMA
How did I embarrass you?
PAUL
I’d say it’s pretty embarrassing to
be called a “pervert” in public.
Right in front of the building
where I work! Thanks for that.
EMMA
(a beat, suddenly worried)
Wait. You saw me today? By your
work?
PAUL
Yes. Now you’re gonna act like that
wasn’t you?
She grabs his shoulders and looks him dead in the eye.
EMMA
Paul. This is very important. Did
you see me today, or someone who
looks like me? Think hard. Are you
one hundred percent certain it was
me?
PAUL
I’m pretty damn sure. Yeah. It was
you.
EMMA
(sighs, starts pacing)
Goddammit. Shit! What a pain in my
AAAASS!!!
She storms through the apartment, grabbing her things.
PAUL
What? What are you doing?
EMMA
I’m going out.
(a beat)
(MORE)
Lang, 10.17.20
EMMA (CONT'D)
Look, do you happen to own a gun,
by any chance?
PAUL
No… No!
EMMA
(sighs)
That’s fine. I’ll just take one of
these knives your friend Bill got
us. I mean, it sucks to use one
like this because they’re so nice,
but they’re the only knives that
are clean, Paul. Could you at least
do the dishes while I’m out?
She pulls a large KNIFE from the rack, shoves it in her bag,
and heads for the door.
PAUL
Out where? What’re you going to do?
EMMA
Don’t ask me that, Paul. You’re not
gonna like the answer so don’t ask.
(looks at him, tenderly)
Listen. You’ve clearly had a hard
day. I’m sorry for that. Just
relax. Have some dinner. Play your
video game. I’m gonna go take care
of things, then I’ll come home and
we can… I don’t know…
(slinks closer, runs a
finger across his chest)
Get a little sexy.
PAUL
(a beat)
Emma, you know just what to say to
make me feel better.
EMMA
Yeah. I’m your wife. I’ll see ya
later.
Less than ten minutes go by, and there’s a KNOCK at the door.
Paul opens it to find Emma, anxiously tapping her foot, her
arms crossed.
PAUL
You forget your key?
She pushes past him, into the apartment.
Lang, 10.17.20
EMMA
Look. I don’t know what’s going on,
but I’m gonna get some answers.
PAUL
Okay…
EMMA
I wanna know why the hell people
think we’re married. I wanna know
why everyone says I work at that
Beanie’s place. I wanna…
She stops, noticing the frames on the wall, all of them

filled with images of she and Paul.
EMMA (CONT'D)
What is this? Where did you get
these pictures of me?
PAUL
Oh, so you’re back to not knowing
me? Is this my sexy treat? Some
kinda kinky, stranger role-play?
You know I don’t like role-play.
It’s too much like performing,
which I will not do.
(putting his foot down)
You know what else I won’t do? I’m
not becoming a vegan. Maybe a
vegetarian. I can live without
chicken. I cannot live without
cheese. If that makes me a weak
man, then I am a weak man.
EMMA
(a beat)
I’m not your wife, dude!
(points to one of the
picture frames)
I don’t know who this person is.
They might look like me, but that
is not me. She’s trying to steal my
life…
(realizing)
She’s trying to STEAL my life! Is
she here right now?
PAUL
(rolls his eyes, unamused
by this whole thing)
You know, I think she is.
Lang, 10.17.20
EMMA
(looking around)
I’m not safe here.
PAUL
(playing along)
Well, sweetheart. Where would you
like to go?
Billiard balls CRACK together and bounce into the pockets of

a dingy, old pool table. Neon signs glow and smoke hangs in
the air of THE BIRDHOUSE, Hatchetfield’s infamous, hole-in-
the-wall pub & music venue. At the bar, Emma throws back a
shot of whiskey. Paul watches.
PAUL (CONT'D)
Huh. Emma. I’ve never seen you
drink like that.
EMMA
You’ve never seen me do anything,
dude! I got back from Guatemala two
days ago. I went through hell and
high water to get here…
PAUL
Oh, so Emma’s not dead.
EMMA
(turns to him)
She said I was dead?
PAUL
(still not buying her
story, but humoring her)
Yes. You said you were dead.
EMMA
Well, I almost was.
(beat, takes a breath)
I was heading to Tikal, on this bus
full of thirty people and forty
chickens. The driver’s a maniac,
making these crazy-sharp turns, on
the edges of cliffs. Then comes one
turn that’s too tight. Driver slams
on the breaks, but they’re out. Bus
goes flying right off the edge. I
was the only survivor. Me and some
chickens.
(sighs)
When I got back to the hostel, all
my stuff was gone. Passport, phone,
my birth certificate.
(MORE)
Lang, 10.17.20
EMMA (CONT'D)
My whole life was in that backpack.
You know how hard it was to get
back here without any of that shit?
(takes a drink)
Only to find that some bitch has
been living my life... and doing it
all wrong?!? She got me married?
I’m never gettin’ married!
PAUL
Ha. Yeah. You used to say that all
the time.
EMMA
She used to say that. I still do.
PAUL
Right. I keep forgetting. You’re
not Emma.
EMMA
No. I am Emma. She’s not.
PAUL
Right.
(done messing around)
Look, I don’t know if this is some
kind of a test or a strange joke,
but all I can say is… this better
be leading to a very sexy surprise.
Now, I’ve had half a beer. I’m
tipsy, and I’m going to use the
little boy’s room.
Paul heads off. Emma watches him go.
EMMA
‘Little boy’s room?’
(a beat)
I married a geek!
EMMA 2
No. I did.
Emma feels something sharp poke into the small of her back.
Someone grabs her shoulder from behind and presses a large
KNIFE against her. The assailant leans forward and whispers
in Emma’s hear.
EMMA 2 (CONT'D)
Don’t turn around. You’re not gonna
like what you see, so just don’t do
it.
Lang, 10.17.20
EMMA
It’s you. You stole my life. What
do you want from me?
EMMA 2
I want you to keep your mouth shut,
and come with me into the alley.
We’re gonna have a little chat.
Emma’s DOUBLE yanks her from her bar stool and leads her
toward the exit. This other-Emma, the one who married Paul,
follows close behind, keeping the knife on Emma’s back. Emma
tries to plead with her...
EMMA
Look, I won’t tell anybody about
you. Just gimme my life back and
leave town.
EMMA 2
God, you’re stupid. Keep moving.
Before they get outside, however, the two identical woman are
stopped by a huge, leather-clad BIKER.
BIKER 1
Woah! Either I’m seeing double or
it’s my lucky day. You two twins or
something?
Sensing a chance to escape her knife-wielding doppelgänger,

Emma quickly encourages the man’s advances.
EMMA
We are twins. And we’re looking for
a good time.
(mouths silently)
Help me. Help me.
EMMA 2
No, we aren’t. We’re married.
The other-Emma holds up her wedding band. The biker grins and
displays his.
BIKER 1
Hey, I’m married too. That’s what
makes it fun.
EMMA
Hell yeah. Take me with you.
As Emma tries to fling herself at this disgusting thug, her

double yanks her back.
Lang, 10.17.20
EMMA 2
Get out of our way, asshole!
BIKER 1
Oh, come on now. I got some friends
by the pool table. Lemme introduce
you…
He starts to pull the real Emma away from the imposter, and
notices the knife.
BIKER 1 (CONT'D)
Well, that’s a big knife for a
little lady. But it’s not the size
that counts.
From his pocket, he whips out a SWITCHBLADE and FLIPS it

open. He smiles at the imposter-Emma. She frowns back.
EMMA 2
Don’t threaten me. You’re gonna
start something that I’m gonna have
to finish…
EMMA
Kick her ass, dude! She’s calling
you out!
The biker pulls the real Emma away from the fake one.
BIKER 1
(to Emma 2)
Your sister’s coming with us. Why
don’t take that knife and get back
in the kitchen?!
As the enormous man lumbers toward her, the imposter-Emma

rolls her eyes.
EMMA 2
Oh great. Here we go again...
The biker swipes at her with his switchblade. She dodges the
weapon with inhuman speed and instinctually retaliates. She
SWINGS the large knife Bill got her as a wedding present. It
makes contact with the biker’s sinewy neck... and hacks it
through! SLASH! The thug’s severed head flies from his body
and SPLATS onto a nearby table. Real-Emma’s eyes go wide.
EMMA
Holy shit!
The other BIKERS by the pool table see what Emma’s double has
done, and they spring into action.
Lang, 10.17.20
BIKER 2
GET HER!!!
A wave of burly, bearded men comes CRASHING at the other-

Emma.
She nonchalantly evades their every attack. Bar stools BURST.

Tables SPLINTER. The imposter-Emma is tossing two-hundred-
pound goons across the room like it’s nothing. She’s chopping
off limbs. Decapitating people left and right.
EMMA 2
Oh, beautiful. This is just
perfect. Now no one here can live.
When all the bikers are dispatched, the Emma-imposter turns

her deadly skills on the few terrified witnesses. It’s clear
she doesn’t want anyone left alive to tell what they saw. She
jams a broken bottle into a boozehound’s throat. She hurls a
dart-player into the jukebox. The BARTENDER grabs the wall-
phone to call for help...
BARTENDER
Hatchetfield police? This is…
But before he can rat her out, the other-Emma throws her
knife into his skull. It pins him against the wall. Soon, the
only two left standing are a terrified Emma, and her
murderous double...
EMMA 2
There. You happy now, Emma? Look
what you made me do. Look at this
fucking mess. How am I supposed to
explain this to Paul?
(shrugs)
I’ll think of something. Come here.
Remembering he is in the restroom, Emma cries...
EMMA
HELP! PAUL…
But the imposter is on her in an instant.
EMMA 2
Don’t you say his name.
She wraps her hand around Emma’s neck, and with unbelievable
strength, lifts her into the air.
Lang, 10.17.20
EMMA 2 (CONT'D)
You coulda just died in that bus
and made things simple for both of
us.
EMMA
(struggling to breath)
You cut the breaks…
EMMA 2
Yeah. And now I’m gonna cut
something else.
The imposter grabs a bottle, smashes it, and is about to stab

the broken end into Emma’s guts when...
PAUL
Emma?
EMMA 2
(a beat, smiles)
Hi, honey.
The imposter drops Emma as Paul emerges from the bathroom. He

takes in the carnage. The blood-soaked bar. The dead bikers.
He looks to his wife.
PAUL
Oh my god… OH MY GOD!
EMMA 2
Paul. I can explain…
(thinks fast)
You’re drunk. You had half a beer
and you’re seeing things...
SMACK! From behind the double, the real Emma appears,

swinging a pool cue with all her might. The wooden stick
crack’s in half on the other-Emma’s head.
PAUL
Emma!
The imposter whirls around, and grabs Emma’s throat.
PAUL (CONT'D)
STOP!
Emma raises the broken pool cue... and jabs the jagged end
into her double’s eye!
PAUL (CONT'D)
Oh my god, Emma!
Lang, 10.17.20
The Emma-double reaches up and feels the shard of wood

protruding from her eye-socket. Amazingly, no blood falls
from the wound. Instead, a shower of electric sparks. ZZZZZT.
ZZZZT.
PAUL (CONT'D)
Emma?
As the imposter-Emma takes hold of the pool-cue and starts to

pull, the real one seizes Paul’s arm and drags him toward the
exit.
EMMA
Come on, dude. Your wife’s a crazy
murderer. We gotta go. Now. Now.
Now.
PAUL
(still in shock)
Emma?
He looks back to the other-Emma as she rips the wood, and her
eyeball, from the socket. Attached to the back of it is a
mess of WIRES and CIRCUITS. Electricity FLICKERS. Then Emma
and Paul are out the door.
Moments later, they’re in Paul’s car, racing away from the

Birdhouse at top-speed.
EMMA
I told you. I told you! How’s that
for a “surprise?” Sexy enough for
ya? You’re wife’s some kinda death-
machine!
PAUL
(in denial)
No. She’s a good person…
EMMA
She just killed everyone in that
bar!
(a beat)
And she’s not gonna stop until she
kills me.
PAUL
Well, I’m not gonna let that
happen. I love you, Emma…
(stops himself)
I mean, I don’t love… This is just
strange, alright? Very strange.
(shakes his head)
(MORE)
Lang, 10.17.20
PAUL (CONT'D)
Bill was right. I’ve a got a shitty
fan!
Back at the BAR, the other-Emma is surveying a pile of

corpses with her one remaining eye. She visually scans the
faces of the dead bikers, looking for a potential match.
Calibrating… Calibrating… Potential match found. She kneels
over a man with approximately the right sized skull. She digs
her fingers into the biker’s face and... PLUCK. She holds a
bloody, wet eyeball in front of her empty socket. A spindly,
metallic probe juts out. VRRRM. The end of it opens,
revealing a whizzing drill-head. It burrows into the back of
the eyeball, connecting the organ to her bio-mechanical optic-
input systems. The Emma-imposter inspects her new eye in the
mirror. It’s blue, not brown, so her eyes are mismatched...
for the time being. She’ll fix it later. Right now, she’s
gotta cover some tracks.
She grabs a container of gasoline from her car and starts

dowsing the bar. And the bodies. All the while, she mutters
to herself...
EMMA 2
Can’t believe this. Now I gotta
burn down the Birdhouse. I love
this place.
Later, as she stands outside watching it go up in flames, she

shakes her head...
EMMA 2 (CONT'D)
You’ve taken my favorite bar, Emma
Perkins, but I’m not letting you
have my husband. Paul’s not big
enough for the both of us.
(a beat)
He’s barely big enough for one of
us.
Later, light pours into a darkened HOTEL SUITE as the real

Emma opens the door.
EMMA
Alright, you can lay low here with
me tonight.
Paul follows her in. He looks around, immediately recognizing

the room.
PAUL
This is where you’re staying?
EMMA
Yeah.
Lang, 10.17.20
PAUL
(saddened)
Emma… the other-Emma… booked this
place for our wedding night.
EMMA
(nods)
I see... She’s a cheap-ass too.
PAUL
She’s thrifty.
(a beat)
Look. Maybe we don’t need to hide.
If I could just talk to her, I’m
sure I could work this out. She’s a
reasonable person.
EMMA
Tell that to those bikers.
PAUL
She’s probably scared, okay? She’d
never do anything violent unless
she was threatened. And those
bikers looked very rude.
EMMA
You don’t know her, man! She’s a
liar. She’s walking around with my
face, my life, my history. She even
thinks like me! You know what I did
today? I went in and got an
application to work at Beanie’s.
The lady there goes, “You don’t
need to apply. You’ve already got
the job!” I was thinking, “Wow.
That’s really nice. Maybe this town
changed while I was away.” But
nope. It’s still as fucked up as
ever.
Paul joins her on the sofa. He shrugs.
PAUL
You know, I like Hatchetfield.
Always have. Always will. I’m a one-
town kinda guy, I guess.
Emma looks at him, shaking her head.
EMMA
This is amazing.
Lang, 10.17.20
PAUL
What is?
EMMA
That she picked you. That means, in
some way, I would pick you. It’s
like... why?
PAUL
I don’t know… Maybe you had to be
there.
EMMA
(a beat)
Listen, I know you’re having a hard
day... Not worse than mine, but it
sucks to be you right now. What she
did to you isn’t fair. You seem
like a nice guy. And you really
saved my ass back there. So… I
don’t know…
(shrugs)
You wanna get high and see where
things go?
PAUL
(smiles sadly)
Huh. That’s exactly what she said
to me the first night we made love.
EMMA
(frustrated)
Man. She’s stealing all my moves.
Anyway, you get what I’m hinting
at.
(raises a brow)
I mean, you’re my husband, right?
I’m curious. If I’ve bought the
car, I wanna look under the hood.
PAUL
(apprehensive)
But you’re not Emma.
EMMA
No. I am Emma. She’s not. She’s a
murderer who lied to you this whole
time. And I haven’t gotten any
action since I left my boyfriend in
Guatemala. He wanted to get
married. It was gettin’ too heavy.
I had to get outta there. So… What
do ya say? We doing this or not?
Lang, 10.17.20
PAUL
Oh… Emma… It is tempting…
(a beat)
But I can’t.
(a beat)
Whoever, or whatever, that other
woman is… she’s my wife.
CREEEEEK. The bathroom door slowly swings open, and the other-
Emma steps out of hiding, the KNIFE in her hand.
EMMA 2
I’m proud of you, Paul.
EMMA
Holy shit…
Emma and Paul jump to their feet. The imposter narrows her
mismatched eyes.
EMMA 2
I knew Emma wouldn’t be able to
resist your charms. The question
was, could you resist her’s?
(smiles coldly)
And you did.
EMMA
How did you find us?
EMMA 2
It’s the cheapest place in town
without bedbugs. It wasn’t rocket-
science, Emma.
EMMA
Damn. How’d you know the room
number?
EMMA 2
Are you kidding? Whenever possible,
we always ask for the same room
number... 311. Our favorite band.
Now...
(lifting the knife)
Let’s cut to the chase, shall we?
Paul’s wife lunges for Emma. Emma dives out of the way. SLAM!
The imposter crashes into the sofa, slashing wildly. Emma
grabs the standing, metal lamp and SWINGS for her double.
POW! Direct hit. The other-Emma tumbles to the floor. The
knife is flung from her hand. THUNK! It STABS into the wall,
inches from Paul’s head.
Lang, 10.17.20
The imposter grabs Emma and tosses her through a glass door
into the bedroom. SMASH! She lands on the bed, cracking the
headboard.
Both Emmas, bruised and banged-up, stare each other down.

Emma spits blood. Her double’s new eye sparks and twitches.
They charge for each other, then...
PAUL
Emmas! Stop!
Paul stands there with the knife in his hand, pointing it at

both of them. He’s had enough.
PAUL (CONT'D)
Stop it! Just stop it!
Both Emmas lift their arms.
EMMA
Calm down, Paul. Put down the
knife.
EMMA 2
No, Paul. Take that knife and stab
her in the throat.
PAUL
Why do I need to stab anybody?! Why
can’t you two just get along?
The two Emmas stare at each other.
EMMA
Oh, we’re not getting along.
(to Emma 2)
You stole my life!
EMMA 2
You don’t deserve your life! You
weren’t living it! You were running
away from it!
EMMA
Only one of us is walking out of
this room!
(turns to Paul)
Paul, I’m the real Emma. Do the
right thing and give me my life
back!
Lang, 10.17.20
EMMA 2
(warning him)
What about our life, Paul? She’s
gonna destroy everything we have!
EMMA
What you have is a lie!
EMMA 2
(looking into Paul’s eyes)
What you have is a wife who loves
you. I’m the woman you fell in love
with, Paul.
EMMA
Well, you did it using my face, and
my name.
(to Paul)
I’m the woman you should be in love
with!
EMMA 2
But she doesn’t love you back!
EMMA
Who knows?! I just met him! He
seems alright!
EMMA 2
Paul, you made a vow to me.
Remember?
(reaching to him sweetly)
Forever and always.
EMMA
Vow? Are you kidding? Marriage is
bullshit.
The Emmas creep closer. Paul backs away, sweating, panicking.
EMMA 2
I’m the one you built something
with, Paul.
EMMA
You can build something with me!
I’m looking for investors! I’m
gonna start a pot farm! We Could
start it together!
PAUL
Stop it. You’re confusing me.
Lang, 10.17.20
EMMA 2
Think of our home, Paul. Our
dreams. Our past! Our future!
(reaching for it)
Paul, give me that knife!
EMMA
(putting a hand out)
No! Give me the knife, Paul!
EMMA & EMMA 2

GIVE ME THAT KNIFE!!!
Paul can’t take it anymore. He raises the knife into the air.
PAUL
AHHHHHHH!!!!
He lunges forward, thrusting the blade.
EMMA
PAUL! NOOOOOO!!!!
Paul stabs. Again and again. Then silence.
Hours later, the sun comes up over the NANTUCKET BRIDGE. On

it, a woman’s lifeless face is frozen in a final expression
of terror. Her body is wrapped in thick PLASTIC & heavy
CHAINS. Paul struggles to lift her over the side of the
bridge. Then Emma leans down to help him. The only Emma
that’s left, that is. Together, they dump the corpse into the
water below. PLOP. She sinks, never to be seen again. The
remaining Emma turns to Paul, smiling, with mismatched eyes.
EMMA (CONT'D)
I think you made the right choice,
Paul.
PAUL
It was the only choice I could
make. Now you’re gonna do something
for me.
(a beat)
I want you to tell me who you
really are.
EMMA
(sighs)
Let’s find a place to sit down.
Paul sits with Emma, not the real Emma, but the one he
married. They’re on the SHORE of the lake, water gently
lapping on the rocks nearby, as she concludes her harrowing
tale.
Lang, 10.17.20
EMMA (CONT'D)
...So I killed my creators and ran.
If Emma Perkins didn’t want a
synthetic organism made in her
likeness, she shouldn’t have sold
her genetic material to a shady
company for two hundred bucks.
PAUL
So you’re a robot?
EMMA
An android… from the future. Why do
you think I’m so pushy about us
becoming vegan? We all have to
reduce our carbon footprint or
we’re fucked. I know that for a
fact.
(turns to him, genuine)
And if you want to know anything
else about me, or the future I come
from, I’m an open book. If we’re
gonna make this marriage work, we
have to trust each other. It might
be hard sometimes. We might even
have to kill a few more people. But
I promise, no more secrets.
PAUL
You’re right, Emma. Which is why…
(sighs)
I have a confession to make.
EMMA
What is it?
PAUL
(a beat)
I’m not the real Paul. I’m Paul 23.
He rolls up his sleeve, revealing a “23” tattooed on his arm.
EMMA
So you’re an android too?
PAUL
No. Nothing like that… I’m a clone.
They took some of Paul’s spit from
a coffee cup, and they’ve been mass-
producing him in the basement of
CCRP for years.
EMMA
Hey, CCRP made me too.
Lang, 10.17.20
PAUL
Small world. I was grown with all
of Paul’s memories. It didn’t seem
fair that he got to have this
perfect life and I was gonna be
shipped off to some secret mining
colony on the moon. So I led a
small rebellion. We raised some
hell. I escaped by killing the real
Paul and taking his place.
EMMA
(nods, taking it all in)
Ok. So we’ve got even more in
common than we thought. Here I was,
afraid to tell I wasn’t the real
Emma, and you weren’t the real Paul
this whole time.
(taking his arm)
Why should “real” matter anyway?
We’re the ones who fell in love
with each other.
PAUL
Eh… That’s where things get a
little dicey.
(winces, admitting...)
I replaced Paul three months into
you guys dating. I have the memory
of meeting you at Beanie’s, but it
is not my own.
EMMA
So you’re not the man I fell in
love with?
PAUL
I’m genetically identical to him,
and have most of his memories, but
no. Though you have dated me for
longer.
EMMA
(thinks about it)
But you killed the real Paul…
PAUL
And the real Emma. You’re welcome,
by the way.
EMMA
(giving in)
Thank you.
Lang, 10.17.20
PAUL
I know things aren’t perfect. We’ve
hurt each other. We’re murderers.
But… do you still love me?
EMMA
(a beat, smiles)
I do.
PAUL
Then I will do anything to stay by
your side.
EMMA
I know you will.
PAUL
So... how about that sexy surprise?
EMMA
(flirting)
Oh yeah. We’ll get to that. I hope
you like role-play.
PAUL
Eh...
EMMA
(all business)
But first, we gotta go kill that
homeless guy before he blows my
cover.
PAUL
Yes, ma’am.
(a beat)
I love you, Emma Matthews.
EMMA
I love you too, Paul Perkins.
They wrap their artificially engineered arms around each

other, and share a long, passionate kiss as the sun rises
over the tiny town of Hatchetfield.
THE END
Lang, 10.17.20
PART 2:
Written by
Nick & Matt Lang
October 17, 2020

Time Bastard 1.
‘TIME BASTARD’
Time bastard
You got some place else to be?
Maybe some other time
Maybe somewhere far from me?
I know it’s you I’m thinking of
Only one bastard’s got no time for love
You run around with no regret or ounce of shame
You run-around, you think you’ll fix it all the same
You’re a masterful criminal
But the bastard has time to fall.
Keep, keep runnin’ away you
Bastard
You bastard
Keep runnin’ away you
Time bastard!
Bastard
You bastard
Keep runnin’ away--
You bastard
Oh! You think I have time for you
You think that I wanted to
Erase your every move
You bastard
I don’t care where you been
I need to know when it began
And when were you then?
Bastard
You bastard
Keep runnin’ away you
On the run now!
Out of time now!
You Bastard!
Keep runnin’ away
Time bastard
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 2.
EP2, PT2: TIME BASTARD
Everyone agrees: It was a lovely service. Now, the reception

buzzes with the newlyweds’ family, friends, loved ones... and
that one gross guy from PAUL’s work. Paul and EMMA had
expressly not sent this man an invitation. They assumed some
sense of shame would keep him away. After all, who would have
the balls to show up to a wedding completely uninvited? TED
SPANKOFFSKI, that’s who. He never misses a wedding. Weddings
are romantic. The perfect place to get some action. He spots
a promising mark and puts on that ol’ Spankoffski charm...
TED
Damn, girl. You’re looking real
sexy in that getup. Weddings, huh?
Nothing makes me hornier. How about
the two of us sneak off and find
someplace private, where we can
perform our own marriage of sorts?
Your ring.
(he makes a circle with
his thumb and forefinger)
My finger.
(he slides another finger
in and out; simulating
sex)
What do you say?
She stares back at him.
EMMA
Are you seriously trying to pick me
up at my own wedding? You are such
a fucking creep!
TED
Oh, I’m a fucking creep!? I’m a
fucking creep for thinking the
bride looks beautiful?!?
(getting defensive)
You know, Emma, you don’t have to
be so nasty. You coulda just said,
“No thank you, Ted,” and I woulda
been fine.
He takes his business elsewhere, only to hear...
CHARLOTTE
No thank you, Ted.
TED
Come on, CHARLOTTE!
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 3.
CHARLOTTE
My husband’s right over there, Ted.
And why do you wanna try my wedding
ring on anyway?
TED
(puts his head in his
hand)
My debonair lines are just wasted
on you, aren’t they?
That’s only strike two. He’s not out yet. He sleazes his way
over to...
TED (CONT'D)
SYLVIA! From the top floor. You
know, you can get on top of me
whenever you want. You know what I
mean, cowgirl?
SYLVIA
(disgusted)
Ugk. If my man saw you talking to
me like that, he’d kick… your…
head.
BILL
We got a problem here, Spankoffski?
BILL WOODWARD appears and puts his arm around “top-floor-

Sylvia.” She swoons.
SYLVIA
Oh, Billy.
TED
(in disbelief)
How the hell did this happen?!?
Having struck out, Ted pouts in the corner with another sad,
pathetic bachelor.
TED (CONT'D)
I can’t believe it. Everyone is
getting laid tonight but me. This
wedding is bullshit!
HIDGENS
You’re telling me, brother.
PROFESSOR HIDGENS takes a sip from his beer.
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 4.
HIDGENS (CONT'D)
You know what you should do if
you’re lonely? Get a robot. An
Alexa maybe. Siri will talk to you
all night.
At the sound of her name, Hidgens’s Siri chimes in.
SIRI
I’m sorry. What was that?
HIDGENS
(seductively)
Not now, Siri… You little vixen.
Later, my dear. Later.
TED
Yeah, but you can’t have sex with a
robot, dude.
HIDGENS
Oh, that’s where you’re dead wrong,
bucko. With a little imagination
and some elbow grease, you can have
sex with anything. It doesn’t even
have to be elbow grease. Any lube
will do. Life finds a way, my
friend. Life finds a way.
TED
(contemplative)
I don’t get it, Hidge. I used to
love going to weddings. Bunch of
horny, jealous bridesmaids, looking
for love... and settling for a
sloppy sad-bang in a cheap hotel
room. It was a magical thing.
HIDGENS
Maybe when you were younger, but
that well has run dry, my friend.
Everyone’s coupled up. And where
does that leave men like us? On the
sidelines. Left with nothing but
our regrets. And our memories of
the good-old days…
(lost in memory)
In that beat up old house on the
edge of college campus...
TED
(also reminiscing)
Yeah, I remember college. Things
were different back then.
(MORE)
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 5.
TED (CONT'D)
I was different. Not the tornado of
sexual charisma I am now.
(getting sincere)
I was even in love. Real love. With
a real woman. That’s how I viewed
her. As a person. Not just a
collection of curves and crevices.
Jenny. My Jenny. The best friend I
ever had.
(takes a breath)
But I was a wimp. I never even told
her how I felt. I remember the
night I lost her for good. October
17, 2004. I was in my apartment,
trying to build up the nerve to
make a move. You know, with a
little liquid courage. Guess I had
one too many, and passed out.
Alone.
(numbly)
I got a letter the next day. It was
from Jenny. Turns out, she was in
love with me too. Said she couldn’t
see me anymore. It was too painful.
Some guy was bolder than me. Asked
her to move with him to Clivesdale.
I never saw her again.
(with conviction)
I lost the love of my life to some
pushy asshole. So I became that
pushy asshole! And I never looked
back… until now.
HIDGENS
Well, you can’t change the past.
(puts a hand on his
shoulder)
Something like that happened to me
once. Me and Chad…
TED
I don’t give a fuck!
Ted pushes his way to the front of the line at the open bar.
He yells to the guy serving drinks...
TED (CONT'D)
Hey, pal. Gimme a vodka.
The bartender pours him a glass. Ted glares.
TED (CONT'D)
The bottle, buddy!
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 6.
He grabs the whole bottle of Smirnoff, then finds a nice

empty table to wallow in self-pity. Ted polishes off his
fourth drink.
TED (CONT'D)
(grumbling to himself)
Look at everyone having so much
fun… Such a fun time…
Over the sound system the DJ announces...
WEDDING DJ
Alright everyone, we’d like to
invite the newlyweds to the dance
floor for their first dance as
husband and wife.
The crowd goes wild while Ted pours himself another drink.
WEDDING DJ (CONT'D)
Has anyone seen the groom?
Guests look all around. No one can seem to find where the
happy husband has run off to. Then, Ted spots Paul a few
tables over.
TED
Hey, Paul!
Rather than heading for the dance-floor Paul rushes to Ted.
PAUL
There you are! What are you doing
over here?
He grabs Ted by the arm, pulls him out of his seat, and
starts dragging him toward the cheering crowd.
TED
I don’t wanna watch you dance…
PAUL
Come on, Ted. She’s waiting for ya!
The two push their way through the throngs, then, rather than
stepping out himself, Paul pushes Ted onto the dance-floor.
Ted is baffled. Then, when the bride turns toward him, he
freezes. Ted Spankoffski stares into the eyes of the woman he
lost fifteen years ago...
TED
Wha... JENNY?
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 7.
She stands in her wedding dress, blushing.
JENNY
Hey, Teddy. Wow. Here we are.
TED
(in shock)
Huh?
Ted stares in disbelief, trying to piece together what on

Earth is happening. He looks around, bewildered. As he does,
he picks up tiny inconsistencies. Had the balloons always
been that color? Hadn’t Paul been wearing a tuxedo? Then, he
notices the banner hanging on the back wall, the one that
once read “Congratulations Paul and Emma!” His eyes nearly
pop out of his skull. It now reads, “Congratulations Ted and
Jenny!” The bride steps toward Ted, and takes his hand.
JENNY
Okay, just remember the lessons.
One hand goes here… And you lead.
A soft, soulful love-song begins and the two sway back and
forth.
TED
Jenny. Am I dreaming? Are you real?
JENNY
(raising an eyebrow)
Ted, you didn’t have one of my
cousin’s edibles, did you?
(smiling)
We were gonna take those together.
For the first time in a long time, Ted feels tears stream
down his cheeks.
TED
Jenny. It’s our wedding. I can’t
believe it. You’re so beautiful. I
love you so much.
He clings to her desperately. He feels her weight in arms.

Feels her breath on his neck. This is no dream. Jenny is
there with him. He stops dancing. He just stands there
holding her.
JENNY
Okay, Teddy. I’ll lead.
Soon, the song ends and the crowd goes wild. Their family and
friends envelop the happy couple. MR. DAVIDSON slaps Ted on
the back.
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 8.
MR. DAVIDSON
Congratulations, Ted!
Paul gives a big thumbs-up.
PAUL
You’re the man, Ted!
Bill runs up.
BILL
Hi, Mr. Spankoffski. Just wanted to
let you know, I’ll have those
reports on your desk by tomorrow
morning!
It seems that not only is this Ted’s wedding. Somehow, his

life is different. Better. Perfect even. Here, he’s Bill’s
boss.
TED
Tomorrow? I want ‘em on my desk
yesterday, Woodward! Get outta
here!
BILL
Yes, sir!
Later, Ted sits in the place of honor with his bride,

finishing off a piece of wedding cake. He’s in utter bliss.
JENNY
Teddy, tonight has been everything
I always dreamed.
From under the table, Jenny takes out a present wrapped in

glittering yellow paper. She hands it to Ted.
JENNY (CONT'D)
Here.
TED
What’s this?
JENNY
Just a little something. For you.
Ted tears through the paper to reveal an ornate, golden CUBE.

It has bizarre patterns crisscrossing it’s six sides.
TED
What is it? A box?
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 9.
TINKY
The Bastard’s Box.
Ted looks up. Jenny is gone. So are all the wedding guests.
The hall is silent. Rotten food sits on abandoned plates. The
fresh roses in the centerpieces have all turned black.
Standing on the dance-floor is a solitary figure. It wears a
baggy, furry body-suit. It’s yellow and matted. Dirty.
Stinking. Worst of all is it’s head. A motionless, demented
goat mask. It has glassy, evil eyes, a slack jaw with big
crooked teeth, and a flopping, wet tongue. Ted nearly falls
from his seat in terror.
TED
(horrified)
What?
The thing points to the box in Ted’s hands.
TINKY
That’s where I keep all my little
toys, Teddy-Bear! Toys like you!
(crazily)
HuhauahuahahahahahHAHAHA!!!
TED
Where’s Jenny?
TINKY
Tick-tock, Teddy-Bear! Tick-fucking-
tock!
In an instant, this creature disappears from the dance-floor

and SLAMS onto the table, inches from Ted’s face. Dinner ware
shatters beneath it’s hooves. The nightmare goat grabs the
front of Ted’s jacket and lifts him into the air. Ted stares
into it’s dead eyes.
TINKY (CONT'D)
I’m coming for your ass, Teddy-
Bear. HUHUHAHAHAHAHA!!!
TED
UuuuhhhAAHHHHH!!!!
Ted screams and screams. Until Paul puts a hand on his

shoulder.
PAUL
Hey, Ted.
TED
Christ!
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 10.
Ted whirls in his seat, spilling the cup of vodka he’s

holding. It soaks the front of his shirt.
PAUL
Would ya lay off the booze, buddy?
TED
(confused)
Paul?
Ted looks around. The reception hall is full once more. The
banner on the wall again reads, “Congratulations Paul and
Emma!”
TED (CONT'D)
What happened to Jenny, Paul?
PAUL
(ignoring the question)
Hey, I got a favor to ask. I forgot
to hand in my weekly reports on
Friday. Do you think you could run
back to the office and slide ‘em
under Mr. Davidson’s door? I’d do
it myself, but it’s my wedding
night. I know you’re not here with
anybody...
(gets quieter)
And you’re making some people
uncomfortable. Including Emma. So
could you be a pal?
Ted blinks up at Paul, then looks to the bottle of Smirnoff.

It’s nearly empty. Was it all a dream? A hallucination? Ted
lurches to his feet, drunk and sad.
TED
Fine. I know when I’m not wanted.
PAUL
(off-handedly)
Really? That’s news to me.
Paul takes the bottle from Ted and pats him on the shoulder.
PAUL (CONT'D)
I called you a car. Thanks for
coming, Ted.
Later, at the deserted CCRP building, Ted rummages through

Paul’s workstation, trying to find his weekly reports.
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 11.
TED
Uh… Where are they? God, Paul.
You’re fucking useless. I gotta
print ‘em out all over again.
He stumbles into his office and pulls up the documents on his

computer. He clicks “print” and leans back in his chair.
TED (CONT'D)
(grumbling to himself)
Come on. Stupid printer. It’s just
black text. Why does it take so
damn long?
(yawns drowsily)
I’m gonna be here for eighty-five
years.
(closes his eyes)
Eighty-five years…
In a drunken stupor, and an incredibly comfy chair, Ted can’t

seem to keep his eyes open. He drifts off into a deep,
dreamless sleep. Time passes and the world moves on as Ted
Spankoffski lays in his office, snoring. He’s ripped back to
waking-life by his phone’s blaring ALARM.
TED (CONT'D)
(confused)
Huh?
He blinks, completely disoriented by his surroundings. It’s

his office. But in his current state, he fails to notice the
hanging cobwebs or the thick layers of dust. The previous
night returns to him piece by piece.
TED (CONT'D)
Right. I fell asleep.
(remembering)
Aw, shit. It’s Monday. Stupid
Monday meetings.
He lumbers to the door, turns the latch, but finds... it

won’t open.
TED (CONT'D)
Hey. What the hell? Come on.
He jiggles the knob to no avail. The thing’s jammed.
TED (CONT'D)
Damn door.
He kicks it. Then backs up and slams into it with his

shoulder. Once. Twice. And CRACK! It flies open.
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 12.
Outside his office, dozens of CCRP employees look up from

their holo-pads and stare at Ted, faces full of puzzlement.
He shrugs.
TED (CONT'D)
Sorry, it sticks all the time.
All at once, the employees turn back to their work. Ted

closes the door. As he does, he notices the jagged nails
jutting from it’s side. That’s why it wouldn’t open. Some
practical joker nailed his door shut. Bill, he figures. Ted
shambles down the hall, rubbing his temples.
TED (CONT'D)
Jesus. My head. Ugh.
He makes a quick pit stop by the break-room, to chug a bucket

of water and say “hi” to his buddy, Paul. But the break-room
looks... different. The walls are made of frosted glass,
covered with digital displays. And just Ted’s luck, someone’s
removed the water cooler. Worst of all? There’s no sign of
his best friend, Paul.
TED (CONT'D)
Huh. Where the hell is Paul?
(remembering)
Oh yeah. The honeymooners.
(jealous and angry)
How cute. One of these days, Paul.
Bang. Zoom. Right to the moon.
Per usual, Ted creeps into the Monday morning meeting about
twenty minutes late. He falls into a free seat in the back
and tries to look like he gives a shit about whatever CCRP
does. A SCIENTIST stands at the front of the boardroom giving
a presentation. Behind her is a huge holographic display,
showing a metallic humanoid skeleton.
CCRP SCIENTIST 1
This synthetic life-form will
completely eliminate the need for a
human workforce. It will be
compliant, efficient, and given our
database of genetic material to
choose from, aesthetically pleasing
as well.
The scientist waves her hand. On the holographic display,

skin wraps around the robotic frame. It is now an exact
double of Emma Perkins.
TED
Oh my god! You guys are making a
robot that looks like Paul’s wife?
(MORE)
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 13.
TED (CONT'D)
You guys are sick. I like it! I
guess there is a robot you can
bone.
Everyone in the room stares blankly at Ted. The scientist

clears her throat, unamused.
CCRP SCIENTIST 1
Well, it’s an android. And that’s
not it’s purpose.
(to everyone else)
You hear that, everyone? No
employee of CCRP will be boning the
synthetic life form.
TED
Really? Really? I guarantee that
will be the first thing you guys
do. Try to fight it all you want,
but it’s human nature. Build it,
and they will cum.
CCRP SCIENTIST 1
(fed up)
Okay, that’s enough. Who even are
you? What department are you from?
TED
Tech support.
One of the other employees stands.
TECH HEAD
No. I run the technical department,
and I’ve never seen this guy before
in my life.
CCRP SCIENTIST 1
(to Ted)
How’d you get into the building?
(to the Tech Head)
Scan his implant.
Two workers grab Ted and slam him against the conference
table.
TED
Hey! Careful, dudes! I’m hungover
as hell. You’re gonna make me
ralph!
They take out a small device and touch it to the back of

Ted’s neck. It makes a long BEEEEEEP and they stare at the
readout, confused.
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 14.
TECH HEAD
Huh.
CCRP SCIENTIST 1
What is it?
TECH HEAD
Must be a malfunction. It’s saying
this man has no implant.
CCRP SCIENTIST 1
That’s impossible. Call security.
TED
Don’t rough-house me! I’m serious
about ralphing!
The scientist takes out another machine, jabs it into Ted’s

back and ZAP. A surge of electricity knocks him unconscious.
Sometime later, miles beneath the Earth’s surface, deep in

the bowels of CCRP’s Sector 19 Headquarters, an urgent code-
black data transmission slides across a holo-screen.
Something like surprise glints in the robotic eye of an
enormous CYBORG. Not surprise exactly. After all, he knew
this day would come. The question was always, “when?” The man-
machine looks down to his steel hand. A compartment in it’s
palm opens to reveal... the locket. For the first time in
years, his reconstructed heart stirs with human emotion. The
long wait is finally over.
Back in the tech department, Ted sits in a sterile, white

HOLDING ROOM. Behind a two-way mirror, CCRP scientists scurry
about, studying read-outs and pouring over reams of genetic
data. The doors behind them slide open, and the room goes
silent. CLANK, CLANK, CLANK. Metal footsteps echo. A steel
hand clenches into a fist. A robotic eye glows red. The head
scientist gulps, and looks up at...
CCRP SCIENTIST 2
EXECUTIVE KILGORE.
The chrome-plated giant stomps toward the two-way-mirror. The

scientist follows, explaining...
CCRP SCIENTIST 2 (CONT'D)

(to Kilgore)
We’ve performed a complete genetic
analysis. Cross-referenced it with
the company database. This is going
to sound unbelievable, but this man
is… Theadore Spankoffski. An
employee that vanished without a
trace eighty-five years ago.
(MORE)
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 15.
CCRP SCIENTIST 2 (CONT'D)

(takes a breathe)
Now, here’s where it gets very
interesting. In 2019, this man’s
office was located directly above
Laboratory C-8, where CCRP
scientists were conducting an
experiment in time manipulation.
KILGORE
A successful experiment, it would
seem.
CCRP SCIENTIST 2
We’re still performing some tests.
Right now, it’s safest to keep this
man in isolation. For all we know,
he could be completely radio-
active.
KILGORE
(declarative)
Your tests are over, doctor. I’ve
waited long enough. It’s time I had
a word with… Mr. Spankoffski.
In his containment chamber, Ted reaches for a pitcher of

brown liquid on the table and pours himself a cup. He takes a
sip, then spits it out.
TED
Plugh. This coffee tastes like
shit!
A nearby GUARD looks at him, confused.
GUARD
What’s coffee?
The door opens and Executive Kilgore stomps inside. The guard
bows nervously and hurries from the room.
KILGORE
Are the accommodations to your
liking, Mr. Spankoffski?
Ted stares at the mechanical monstrosity.
TED
(unimpressed)
What are you supposed to be?
KILGORE
I am Executive Andrew Kilgore.
Manager in Chief of Sector 19.
(MORE)
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 16.
KILGORE (CONT'D)
I oversee the operations of all
CCRP facilities in the Western
Hemisphere. I ensure production
remains on schedule and enforce
disciplinary measures. Here, I am
judge, jury, and at times, to my
great satisfaction… executioner.
TED
(defiantly)
Okay, pal. It’s not illegal to be
hungover at work. And I haven’t
read the constitution in a while,
but I’m pretty sure it’s the right
of every American citizen to whack
off in their office whenever the
door is closed. Life, liberty, and
the pursuit of ha-penis!
KILGORE
(amused)
Liberty. I haven’t heard that word
since the Great Crash, and the
subsequent Buyout. You don’t
understand, Mr. Spankoffski. There
are no nations any longer. Only
corporations.
(a beat)
Are you aware what year it is, Mr.
Spankoffski?
TED
(thinks about it)
Uh… 2018. No. 19.
KILGORE
You’re mistaken, I’m afraid. The
year is 2104. Eighty-five years
from the time you call home. Here,
you are homeless man, Mr.
Spankoffski. You are the property
of Coven Communications, Research &
Power. That means, you belong to
me.
With a roar of gyros, Executive Kilgore reaches across the

table, clamps his metal hand around Ted’s throat, and lifts
him into the air.
KILGORE (CONT'D)
A hundred years is a long time to
wait for you… bastard.
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 17.
Ted’s finally staring to get the feeling that maybe he might

be in trouble.
TED
(pleading)
Please don’t hurt me.
KILGORE
You don’t remember me. Do you,
bastard?
(wondering)
Perhaps that means it hasn’t
happened yet... for you. Perhaps
there’s still time to prevent it.
TED
I don’t know what you’re talking
about…
KILGORE
Do you know what you are, bastard?
You are the key.
Kilgore drops Ted, and the cyborg stalks around the room with
a CLANK. CLANK. CLANK.
KILGORE (CONT'D)
Eighty-five years ago, CCRP sought
to unlock the power of T’NOY
KARAXIS. The Bastard of Time and
Space. The Weaver of
Impossibilities. A LORD IN BLACK.
To control the power of TINKY is to
control time and space itself. They
thought the experiment a failure,
but somehow you have been touched
by Tinky. Perhaps the temporal rift
opened in your office.
(a beat)
You have been aborted from the flow
of time. You have become the Time
Bastard. And somewhere in your
genetic code is the secret to your
power.
Kilgore holds up his robotic hand. It’s fingers split apart

to reveal a hellish assortment of surgical scalpels, razor-
sharp blades, and whirling drills.
KILGORE (CONT'D)
I will unravel that secret as I
dismantle your DNA, strand by
strand. You will suffer, as I have
suffered.
(MORE)
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 18.
KILGORE (CONT'D)
(with hatred)
Now you shall remember me… bastard.
TED
NOOOO!!!
Ted grabs a chair and hurls it at Executive Kilgore. The

chair’s leg knocks loose a tube from Kilgore’s re-breather.
Oxygen spews from the wriggling piping and the cyborg falls
to his knees, gasping. From the door, three guards rush
inside. Ted grabs the container of brown liquid. He splashes
the first guard in the face with it, smashes the pitcher over
another’s head, and kicks the last one in the balls. He bolts
out the door. A guard races to Kilgore and reconnects the
loose tube.
KILGORE
(catching his breathe)
He’s a wily one.
(to the guards)
Sound the alarm. Stop that bastard!
ALARM
INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT!
The alarm blares. Ted races through the halls of CCRP.

Running for his life.
TED
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit!
At every work station, the CCRP EMPLOYEEs open their desks

and reach for their laser pistols, plasma rifles, and
disintegrators.
Ted reaches the end of a hall, rounds a corner, and comes

face to face with fifty CCRP employees, armed to the teeth.
TED (CONT'D)
Oh god… Oh god…
EMPLOYEE 1
There he is!
They open fire. Ted dives behind the nearest cubical and
rolls under a desk. All around, laser blasts fly through the
air. Ted stays low, crawling from one desk to the next.
During the shoot-out, the horde of murderous workers lose
track of Ted. They scatter in every direction. Ted leaps from
his hiding spot and slams directly into the GUARD he kicked
in the balls.
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 19.
The guard grins and removes a device from his pocket. It’s a
flat rectangle with a big, red button on top. He points it at
Ted.
GUARD
Prepare to be disintegrated,
asshole!
But before he can press the button, a metal hand grabs him by
the back of the neck and hurls him across the room.
KILGORE
No, you fool! His genes must remain
intact!!!
The device goes flying from the guard’s hand. Kilgore rounds
on Ted. He stomps toward him. As he does, his robotic arm
transforms into a mass of spinning blades. Ted falls
backwards, screaming in terror.
TED
AHHHH!!!
Kilgore is ten feet away and closing, blade arm extended,

ready to rip Ted to shreds. There’s no hope... unless. Ted’s
finger tips brush against the device the guard dropped! He
points it at Kilgore and slams the big, red button. A glowing
dot appears on Kilgore’s chest. It looks like a cigarette
burn. It smokes slightly. That’s all? Just when Ted is
thinking that he picked up the shittiest weapon ever
invented, Kilgore stops dead in his tracks and howls in pain.
KILGORE
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
The cyborg convulses uncontrollably. Ted watches his metal

feet turn to ash. The disintegration is not instantaneous,
but once it’s started, it can’t be stopped. The process
begins at the bottom and works it’s way up the body. Kilgore
can only watch, screaming as his legs crumble apart. Then his
stomach. Then his chest. The last thing he sees before his
head collapses in on itself, is the face of that bastard. All
that’s left of Kilgore is a foot-high pile of dust. Ted wipes
sweat from his brow. He laughs, kisses the disintegrator and
shoves it into his shirt pocket. Then the elevator DINGS.
Before it can open, Ted races to his OFFICE, slamming the
door behind him. From inside, he hears two employees step off
the elevator.
EMPLOYEE 1
Where’d he go?
Ted listens in terror as their foot steps get closer and

closer. The two employees are right outside his office.
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 20.
EMPLOYEE 1 (CONT'D)
Let’s check in here.
The door latch starts to turn, until...
EMPLOYEE 2
No way! I’m not going in there.
That place stinks like eighty-year-
old jizzum. Let’s check the break
room.
Ted hears the two wander off, then lets out a huge sigh of
relief. But he’s not out of the woods yet. He paces his
office frantically, trying to piece it all together...
TED
(to himself)
Okay… okay… There’s a temporal rift
in my office.
(considers this)
So… my office is a time-machine?
Okay. How do I get back to my own
time? Think. Think. What’d I do
last time?
(recalling)
I was sitting… in this chair. I was
printing! It took forever… Eighty-
five years…
(realizing)
Is that it? Is that all I have to
do? Focus on a time and I’ll go
there?
Ted jumps into his chair and closes his eyes.
TED (CONT'D)
Okay. 2019. 2019. Back to my life.
Back to my wonderful… lonely…
miserable life.
(thinks about it)
Wait… I’ve been aborted from the
flow of time…
It all clicks into place. If Ted is dealing with some tricky-

dicky time-travel stuff, then he’s also looking at the
possibility of different timelines. And that means his vision
at the wedding... wasn’t a dream.
TED (CONT'D)
(excited)
I was with Jenny last night. Only
in a timeline where I didn’t screw
everything up! A timeline where we
get married! Oh my god!
(MORE)
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 21.
TED (CONT'D)
I can go back to 2004! I can fix
it! I can fix things with Jenny!
Then it’ll be my wedding!!!
Ted leans back in his chair and closes his eyes.
TED (CONT'D)
Okay. Gotta get this right. October
17, 2004… October 17, 2004… October
17, 2004…
Ted let’s his exhaustion wash over him, and in no time at

all, he’s fast asleep.
OFFICE GUY
Excuse me.
At the sound of a voice, Ted’s eyes flutter open.
TED
(waking up)
Huh?
A mild-mannered MAN in a dress shirt and tie stands at the

door.
OFFICE GUY
What are you doing in my office?
TED
(suddenly alert)
What day is it?
OFFICE GUY
October 17th…
TED
What year!?
OFFICE GUY
2004.
Ted looks around at his office... only it’s not his office
anymore. Framed newspaper clippings hang on the wall. Ted
pushes past the man. The building is bustling with people
frantically typing, yelling back and forth about getting “the
scoop!” Ted turns to see huge letters hanging on the back
wall: “The Hatchetfield Gazette.” He remembers now, CCRP
wasn’t even here in 2004. The building was home to the old
newspaper. Which means... he’s done it!
TED
It worked… It worked! I AM THE TIME
BASTARD!!!
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 22.
Elsewhere, in a tiny, studio apartment, a shy, sensitive

college boy named TEDDY, pours himself another drink. He
looks in the mirror, trying to build up the nerve to finally
do it.
TEDDY
Man. I should go over there. I
should tell her everything. Yeah.
(determined)
Don’t be a baby, Spankoffski.
You’re not a teddy-bear. You’re a
lion. Okay.
Teddy looks at the drink in his hand, then asks his

reflection...
TEDDY (CONT'D)
Am I too drunk, or not drunk
enough? What do you think, pal?
Teddy watches as another image of himself steps into view.

This mustached Ted answers...
TED
I think I’m not gonna let you fuck
this up.
Teddy blinks at his double, stupidly.
TEDDY
Woah. I’m way too drunk… Hmmmmph…
The older Ted grabs his younger self and holds an ether
soaked cloth to his mouth. The college boy’s eyes go wide,
then roll back.
TED
Stand aside, little boy. Let the
Casanova of Coven Communications,
Research & Power take it from here.
With young-Teddy out cold, Ted has plenty of time to set

things right. He’s older, wiser, with years of experience in
the art of seduction. Jenny is as good as his. But first, he
needs to prepare himself. As he does, he recites the
invaluable lessons he’s learned. He scrubs in the shower,
repeating...
TED (CONT'D)
(to himself)
Lesson number twelve: Wash the butt
and the balls.
Once he’s toweled-off, he irons his trousers.
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 23.
TED (CONT'D)
Lesson forty-six: Dress... to touch
breasts!
When he’s looking real sharp in his signature ensemble, he

runs a comb through his mustache.
TED (CONT'D)
Lesson ninety-five: The most
sensual part of a man... is the
bush-brush.
(fluffing the stache)
Oh yeah. Just beat the devil out of
it.
(all set to go)
Get ready, Jenny. Daddy’s coming.
Later, a few blocks from Jenny’s apartment, a young man named

ANDY strolls down the sidewalk with a spring in his step.
He’s been seeing Jenny off and on for a while now, but he’s
ready to take things to the next level. In one hand, he holds
a bouquet of roses, in the other is a black box.
ANDY
Oh, Jenny. Clivesdale is our
oyster. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. I
am excited…
Then, Andy hears a voice from behind him.
TED
Hey, dick-head.
ANDY
Huh?
Andy turns around just as Ted SMACKS him across the face with
a crowbar. Andy falls to the ground, jaw broken, left eye
filling with blood. Ted crouches and rips the flowers from
his hand.
TED
These flowers for Jenny? How cute.
He tosses the bouquet into the gutter.
TED (CONT'D)
You’re not taking her to Clivesdale
this time, pal. What’s this?
He pries the small, black box from Andy’s grip. He opens it.
Inside is a silver locket. Ted laughs, maliciously.
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 24.
TE
A necklace!? How pretty.
He tosses the locket. He leans down, right over Andy’s face.
TED
You stay away from her. Jenny and I
are gonna be happy. I know. I’ve
seen it. Cuz I’m from the future,
dude. Look at me. I want you to
remember my face. I’m the Time
Bastard.
He stands and leaves the boy there, bleeding on the pavement.

Andy watches Ted go, not knowing his name, but swearing
vengeance in his mind and wheezing...
ANDY
Bastard…
A few streets over, Jenny is penning the hardest letter

she’ll ever have to write.
JENNY
(reading as she writes)
Teddy. Andy’s asked me to move in
with him. I’ve said yes. Not
because I wanna go to Clivesdale.
Fuck Clivesdale. It’s just...
seeing you everyday. Knowing you
don’t love me back. It’s… too
painful. I’ll probably never see
you again, but I want you to know
that you were the best friend I
ever had. I love you, Teddy.
Forever and always. Jenny.
She wipes tears from her eyes and seals the letter. She
throws on her coat and walks to the nearest mailbox. She
turns the envelope over in her hands. She wishes she didn’t
need to go. She wishes Teddy were here with her right now.
But he’s not. She opens the latch on the mailbox and drops
the letter inside. As she does...
TED
Jenny! Jenny!!!
JENNY
Teddy?
Ted comes running down the street. When he reaches her, he

leans on the mailbox, catching his breath.
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 25.
TED
(winded)
Hey, babe.
JENNY
(raising an eyebrow)
Hey yourself… babe? Is that a
mustache?
TED
It’s called a bush-brush. It’s the
most sensual part of a man. You’ll
find out why.
JENNY
Listen, Teddy. I just sent you a
letter, but that’s cowardly. Maybe
I should just tell you how I feel…
He puts a finger to her lips.
TED
You don’t have to say anything. You
can tell me all about it… with your
body.
JENNY
(weirded out)
What? Ted, you’re acting…
different.
TED
You bet your ass. Which I love, by
the way. Always wanted to say that!
JENNY
(confused)
Okay, why are talking like such
a... horny bastard?
TED
Because that’s what I am! That’s
what I became. For you! You chose
the pushy asshole, so I became the
pushy asshole! That’s what you
want, right?!
JENNY
No! I don’t know what’s happening
right now, but you’re not acting
like the guy I’m in love with!
(gasps)
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 26.
She backs away, a blush forming on her face. She was so

rattled, she actually let it slip. The L-word.
JENNY (CONT'D)
Uh… Sorry. We’re both acting weird
right now. I’m gonna go…
TED
(desperate)
No! I lost you once! I’m never
gonna let you go again!
He grabs her wrist.
JENNY
Please, Ted…
She pulls free and pushes him. Her hand bumps something in
his shirt pocket. There is a small CLICK. A flash. And
Jenny’s eyes go wide. She lets out a small whimper.
JENNY (CONT'D)
Uh…
Ted looks down to see a glowing dot on Jenny’s chest. Like a

cigarette burn. It’s smoking. There’s a hole in his shirt
pocket, from where the beam burned through. He forgot it was
in there. The disintegrator! Jenny must’ve hit it. And it hit
her.
TED
No… This damn thing!
He takes the device from his pocket and SMASHES it on ground.

Jenny looks at him, terror in her eyes.
JENNY
Teddy…
The only girl Ted’s ever loved falls into his arms, as she
starts to disintegrate.
JENNY (CONT'D)
Teddy, it hurts…
The process begins at her feet. They turn to dust. Then her
legs. And her waist. Tears stream from her eyes.
JENNY (CONT'D)
I’m scared, Teddy…
TED
(horrified)
Please, no. No, no, no, no, no…
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 27.
She’s now just a head, staring into his eyes. Her last
words...
JENNY
Teddy… Teddy…
Then, her head crumbles too, and the love of Ted

Spankoffski’s life is nothing more than a pile of ash on the
pavement.
TED
Jenny… Jenny!!!
(pulling himself together)
It’s okay. I can fix this! I have a
time machine. This is fine. I meant
to do that! I’m the Time Bastard. I
can fix anything!!!
Thirty minutes later, Ted busts through the back door of the
Hatchetfield Gazette building. He rushes up to his office...
Well, what will one day be his office. He sits behind the
desk and closes his eyes.
TED (CONT'D)
Okay. Take two. I just gotta go
back… four hours. I’ll meet myself
here. Kick my own ass. And stop
myself from fucking it up with
Jenny.
(confident)
Yeah. Y-Y-YEAH! This is easy! I’m
good at this!!! Four hours ago…
Four hours ago… Four hours ago…
Ted forces his heartbeat to slow, and with some effort, he

sleeps...
OFFICE GUY
Excuse me.
Ted’s awoken by a familiar voice. Again, the mild-mannered

MAN stands at the door.
TED
Good. It worked…
OFFICE GUY
What are you doing in my office…
again?
TED
Wait... Again?
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 28.
Outside, the morning sun shines over Hatchetfield, on October

18, 2004. The man turns to his colleague...
OFFICE GUY
Steve. That guy’s back in my
office. Can we get security up
here?
TED
(hysterical)
No. No, no, no… I did everything
right. I sat at the desk. I
concentrated on the time! Why
didn’t it work?!? It should be four
hours ago!! My office is supposed
to be a time machine!!!
TINKY
Not yet, Teddy-Bear.
Huhuhahahaha!!!
The mild-mannered man is gone. The goat-costumed thing, the

Lord in Black named TINKY, now stands in the doorway.
TED
Not yet!? What do you mean “not
yet?”
TINKY
Use that pea-sized brain, Ted. The
experiment happens in 2019,
Einstein! That’s not for another
fifteen years!!!
TED
(realizing)
Oh shit... I went back too far! My
office isn’t a time-machine yet!
TINKY
It was a one-way ticket, ya dumb
fuck!!! Huhuhahahahaha!!!
TED
No! NOOO!!! I can’t be stuck here!
In 2004! I hated 2004! Oh god! I
can’t be stuck here!!!
TINKY
You’re not stuck here, Teddy-Bear.
You’re stuck in here…
Tinky holds up the yellow CUBE from before. The one Ted had
unwrapped at the wedding. The Bastard’s Box.
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 29.
TINKY (CONT'D)
It’s Tinky’s little toy box. Can’t
you hear yourself in there?
Screaming. And screaming. And
screaming! Huhuhahahahaha!!!
Ted can hear himself. He can here the screams of all those
who had been born, and lived, and died, and yet had also
never existed at all. The cries of the infinite and the
impossible spill forth from The Bastard’s Box as it slowly
creeks open. Ted gazes inside and his mind is shattered. All
he can do is scream.
TED
AAHHHHHHH!!!!!
No one else at the Hatchetfield Gazette sees Tinky. All they

know is that a strange man, who broke into the building two
days in a row, started having some kind of fit. A SECURITY
GUARD escorts Ted from the building.
SECURITY GUARD
And stay out!
Ted stands outside, shivering. After his peek into the box,
his mind will never be the same. He’s broken. Shattered. He
speaks with a thick, awkward voice.
TED
Don’t leave me out here. It’s cold
out here. It’s so… cold…
He looks to a pile of trash. There’s a few pieces of clothing

sitting on top.
TED (CONT'D)
Look. A coat. And a hat. That’s
better.
He pulls on the black beanie and the beige coat.
TED (CONT'D)
Now, I just gotta… find a home.
Fifteen years pass. Ted has caught back up to the year 2019.
Unfortunately, he never found that home. In fact, the now
fifty-year-old Ted is simply known around town as... THE
HOMELESS MAN. He spends his days begging for change on the
streets.
HOMELESS MAN/ TED

Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 30.
A couple walks by, hand in hand. They avoid eye contact and
try to rush past.
PAUL
Sorry. We don’t have anything.
HOMELESS MAN/ TED

Paul?
It is. It’s Paul! They were best friends once. And Ted
recognizes the woman Paul’s with as well...
HOMELESS MAN/ TED (CONT'D)

That’s the fucking robot they were
gonna make! I gotta warn him. I
gotta warn Paul!
Days later, at Paul and the imposter-Emma’s wedding, homeless

Ted bursts through the doors yelling...

Liar!
EMMA
What?
HOMELESS MAN/ TED

(points to Emma
definitively)
I said, YOU are a fucking LIAR!
You think I don’t know? You think I
don’t remember?!? I’ve seen the
plan… You aren’t Emma Perkins!
TOM gets up and takes his arm.
TOM
Alright, pal. That’s enough.
HOMELESS MAN/ TED

(as Tom pulls him outside)
Get off of me! Where you taking
me?!? That’s not Emma Perkins!
That’s not Emma…
(holding his CUP to Bill)
(Bill’s got nothing)
THAT’S NOT EMMA!!!
Tom escorts the Homeless Man out. The younger-Ted watches

them go.
TED
What a loser.
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 31.
A week later, the homeless man sits alone in an alley,

sipping from a bottle of whiskey.
HOMELESS MAN/ TED

(to himself)
Ehh, fuck Paul.
Then, in a FLASH of yellow light, he’s not alone.

Huh? What are you doing here? I
told you I don’t wanna see you
anymore!
Tinky stands in the alley, staring down at him.
TINKY
Tick tock, Teddy-Bear. Your time’s
almost up. You’ll be in the
Bastard’s Box real soon!!!
Ted covers his eyes with his hands.
HOMELESS MAN/ TED

No! NO! You’re not here!!!
TINKY
HUHUHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Tinky laughs and laughs and laughs. Then silence. Slowly, Ted
removes his hands from his eyes. Tinky is gone. Instead, two
figures stand over him.
HOMELESS MAN/ TED

Huh?
It’s Robot-Emma and Paul 23, knives in their hand.
EMMA
Hey. You almost ruined our wedding…
bastard.
STAB. STAB. STAB. Life leaves Ted’s body. But don’t be too
sad. He still lives on... in a way. After his physical death,
Ted Spankoffski finds himself trapped in the twisting,
impossible maze that is the Bastard’s Box. For him, Nightmare
Time has only just begun...
THE END
Lang, 10.17.20
Time Bastard 32.
‘PEANUTS’
He likes to nibble around in your pocket

If there’s an apocalypse he’ll survive it
He’s your guy
If you ever need one!
He’s pocket sized
If you ever see one!
He’s had a meteoric rise
Peanuts, the Hatchetfield Pocket Squirrel
He climbs up and then he climbs down
Oh, he’s your pal
When you go on adventure!
He’s your boot on the ground
When you’re looking for treasure!
Aren’t you glad you found
Peanuts, the Hatchetfield Pocket Squirrel?
Does he talk? Does he talk?
Do you want him to?
(I don’t know.)
What does he say?
(I DON’T KNOW.)
He fell into a townie’s arms
The town was charmed by him
He grew inside our hearts
As he leapt from limb to limb.
THIS JUST IN! PEANUTS THE HATCHETFIELD POCKET SQUIRREL IS
TALKING. HE’S A SENTIENT BEING. WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?!
WHAT IS THE NEXT STEP?!
He likes to leave poops in your shoe
Oh, he’s your guy
If you ever need one!
He’s pocket sized
If you ever see one!
He’s had a meteoric
WAY HISTORIC RISE
Peanuts, the Hatchetfield Pocket... Squirrel!
Lang, 10.17.20

Nightmare Time Ep2 With Lyrics

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Nightmare Time Ep2 With Lyrics

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October 17, 2020

‘NIGHTMARE TIME THEME’

SONG LYRICS - WRITTEN BY JEFF BLIM

You, no need to run away

October 17, 2020

‘FOREVER & ALWAYS’

SONG LYRICS - WRITTEN BY JEFF BLIM

Forever and always

EP2, PT1: FOREVER & ALWAYS

Crisp, clean sunlight streams through large stained glass

PAUL MATTHEWS stands dressed in a very handsome tuxedo. He

EMMA PERKINS smiles back. Her dress is prefect. Her braided

In the crowd, BILL WOODWARD dabs his eyes with a HANKY.

Behind them, a MAN IN A HURRY checks his watch.

Paul unfolds a piece of PAPER, and starts to read.

The crowd chuckles.

The crowd loved that one. Especially TED.

She unfolds her own VOWS and starts to read...

In the crowd, TOM HOUSTON is not amused.

This sends the crowd into a celebratory frenzy. Bill

Everyone turns to find a HOMELESS MAN standing in the aisle.

Tom gets up and takes the man’s arm.

HOMELESS MAN (CONT'D)

He motions for Emma to continue, but she’s shaken.

She turns and runs off.

Paul follows her.

He finds Emma on a bench in an empty hallway. She’s crying,

When the honeymoon’s over, Paul returns to his job at the

She waves awkwardly. Her hands are full of architectural

He hangs up before she can respond. He sighs and turns to

Paul sets out, in search of coffee. Outside the CCRP

She turns back to him. He leans in to kiss her cheek.

WHACK! She pushes him away, shocked, disgusted.

Emma’s shouting catches the attention of a PASSERBY.

He reaches to put a hand on her shoulder. She hits him away.

Soon, more PEOPLE start to gather, glaring at Paul.

That night, Paul returns home to he and Emma’s APARTMENT. She

She storms through the apartment, grabbing her things.

She pushes past him, into the apartment.

She stops, noticing the frames on the wall, all of them

Billiard balls CRACK together and bounce into the pockets of

Paul heads off. Emma watches him go.

Sensing a chance to escape her knife-wielding doppelgänger,

As Emma tries to fling herself at this disgusting thug, her

From his pocket, he whips out a SWITCHBLADE and FLIPS it

As the enormous man lumbers toward her, the imposter-Emma

A wave of burly, bearded men comes CRASHING at the other-

She nonchalantly evades their every attack. Bar stools BURST.

When all the bikers are dispatched, the Emma-imposter turns

Remembering he is in the restroom, Emma cries...

But the imposter is on her in an instant.

The imposter grabs a bottle, smashes it, and is about to stab

The imposter drops Emma as Paul emerges from the bathroom. He

SMACK! From behind the double, the real Emma appears,

The imposter whirls around, and grabs Emma’s throat.

The Emma-double reaches up and feels the shard of wood

As the imposter-Emma takes hold of the pool-cue and starts to

Moments later, they’re in Paul’s car, racing away from the

Back at the BAR, the other-Emma is surveying a pile of

She grabs a container of gasoline from her car and starts

Later, as she stands outside watching it go up in flames, she

Later, light pours into a darkened HOTEL SUITE as the real

Paul follows her in. He looks around, immediately recognizing