BY DAVID L.

KENNEDY

ET'S TALK ABOUT SEX. S-E-X. SEEING THIS TOPIC HERE IN THE SACRED PAGES of the Review may surprise
you. Sex! How could we mention such a word in a spiritual journal? If we had been at the movies, such a
thing would be expected. If watching an episode of Friends, we'd be surprised if the topic of sex didn't
come up at least a dozen times. While watching a normal television commercial, we're used to seeing
sex sell anything from beer to chewing gum. But sex in a church periodical?

You may think the topic of sex inappropriate for the Review. But friends, it's time we as Christians start
talking openly and comfortably about this all-consuming issue. Think about it. Everywhere we turn,
we're inundated with pictures on billboards, images on television, sounds on the radio, and stories from
Hollywood. We are each being filled with ideas from the very pit of hell that seek to persuade us, "This is
how it's supposed to be. If you're not doing it like this, you're not normal. This is what will bring
happiness and fulfillment in your life."

Realizing the power of sex, Satan has been using popular culture to lead men and women away from
God and into bondage. As we look at our culture we need not look hard to see that Satan is winning this
battle over the minds of men and women. Sex has become the end rather than the means in which to
express intimacy and love to the one (emphasis on one) we've committed to spend our entire lives with.

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And while popular culture continues its 24/7 marketing blitz on our minds and hearts, the church
remains largely silent on these pressing issues. The result? Consider the article that was recently
published in my hometown paper, the Denver Post, entitled "Evangelism Between the Sheets?"

"Church people have a name for what happens when young believers get romantically involved with
unbelievers. They call it 'missionary dating,' usually with one eyebrow raised in skepticism. . . . Times
have changed. According to new research, a surprising number of females have graduated from
'missionary dating' to 'missionary cohabitating.' . . . What is fascinating is that women who say they are
deeply religious are just as likely to live with men before marriage as women who are not. . . . They seem
to think that they can evangelize the men in their beds" (Terry Mattingly, in Denver Post, Aug. 17, 2002;
italics supplied).

Evangelize men in their beds? Does the New Testament church know of such a thing? No way! This is a
trend that is clearly being led by popular culture. Will we as a church allow ourselves to be drowned out
by popular culture? Can the church still have any redeeming influence in the world?

If we are to be the church as the church was intended to be, then we as a church must speak, and speak
loudly. Think about it. Who is more qualified to talk about sex than followers of the One who created it?

What Does God Say?

You may wonder, What does God have to say about sex? Sure, there are a few "thou shall nots," but is
there anything really said in the Bible regarding "how to"? I have to admit that I didn't think God had
much to say regarding "how to" until I was challenged to preach a series of sermons on the Song of
Solomon. What an eye-opening experience!

This fascinating yet often misunderstood book tells the story of a young couple from initial meeting,
through the dating process, to engagement, and eventually to the wedding and wedding night. It
continues by looking at the couple's first fight and concludes by painting a picture of the couple growing
old together.

The steamiest portion of the book, the wedding night (chapter 4), gives us several principles of divine
sex. What is God's opinion of sex? How did He intend for this incredible gift to be enjoyed? Put your
bashfulness aside, forget everything you've been taught by popular culture, and get ready for a picture
of sex straight from the Word of God.
Divine sex is sensitive to the needs of the other. "How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!
Your eyes behind your veil are doves. Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Mount Gilead.
Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of
them is alone. Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely. Your temples behind your veil are
like the halves of a pomegranate. Your neck is like the tower of David, built with elegance; on it hang a
thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors" (S. of Sol. 4:1-4, NIV).

Satan has always conducted a campaign that tells us sex is all about self-gratification. We're led to
believe "It's all about me." For the longest time he's been targeting men, brainwashing us into believing
that women are simply objects for our enjoyment. He's succeeded in persuading most men to look at
the woman in the advertisement and see only an object to be conquered rather than a daughter of God
who is in need of knowing she is loved and cherished by her Father in heaven. Yes, we men have bought
into this lie for some time. Yet this isn't the picture we see in Song of Solomon.

On their wedding night we see a man who is wooing this woman-a woman who has already made
herself available to him. We see him proceeding lovingly, gingerly, making his way slowly down her
body. He has realized, long before author Gary Smalley, that men are like microwaves and women are
like Crock-Pots. And so, sensitive to her needs, he begins slowly. He comments on her eyes, then her
hair, then her teeth, then her lips, then her neck. He is considering her emotional needs before his own
physical needs. He puts her first.

Wholesome sex is gentle. "Your two breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse
among the lilies" (verse 5, NIV).

The enemy of humanity is seeking to sell an image of sex that is anything but gentle. I'll never forget
going to an R-rated movie with my mother when I was 13 years old. It was a ghost story, and she
supposed it would be R-rated only for the "scary" content. But as the obligatory sex scene began she
was horrified (and

I was somewhat confused by it all!). As the silhouette of this couple thrashed around the room they
knocked over lamps and broke picture frames. My mother leaned over and whispered in my ear, "That's
not the way it really is."

Really? That's the image of sex the world has been trying to sell me ever since! And so as young couples
begin to experiment with intimacy, they feel they have to mimic the world or miss out on some
incredible experience. And in the meantime what they miss out on is the blessing God intended, for He
meant for sex to be a gentle (although certainly exhilarating) experience.
Divine sex is a safe place. "All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you" (verse 7, NIV).

Where else will anyone ever find themselves more vulnerable or more exposed than in the act of sex? In
sex we completely open ourselves up to the other person. We open ourselves physically. We open
ourselves emotionally. Indeed, we open ourselves spiritually to the other. The damage that can be done
to our hearts and minds during this time is unimaginable. Emotional scars from rejection or broken
relationship or disapproval from the other are slow to heal (if they ever do!). Divine sex is a safe place
because it is entered into slowly, after a long friendship and courtship. It is safe because we have
learned to trust the person we're opening ourselves to. It's safe because it's entered into after a lifelong
commitment has been made. As this maiden in Song of Solomon stands completely exposed before her
groom, he is able to say to her, "You are beautiful in every way, my love, and there is no spot or blemish
in you." She is safe to be herself because he loves and accepts her as she is.

Divine sex is union. "Come with me from Lebanon, my bride, come with me from Lebanon. Descend
from the crest of Amana, from the top of Senir, the summit of Hermon, from the lions' dens and the
mountain haunts of the leopards" (verse 8, NIV).

Popular culture tells us it's best to have as many partners as possible. Experiment. Kick the tires before
you buy the car. After all, what if you make a lifelong commitment and find you aren't sexually
compatible? But God has created sex to form a bond, a oneness, between a man and a woman. Sex is
like glue. If you glue two pieces of cardboard together and then try to rip them apart, what will happen?
You will have ripped pieces of one still sticking to the other, even after they're separated. Joshua Harris,
in his book I Kissed Dating Goodbye, tells the story of the girl who had a dream about her wedding day.
As the bride stood at the altar with her groom a girl stood up in the middle of the congregation, walked
quietly to the altar, and took the groom's hand. Another girl approached and stood next to the first,
followed by another, and another. Soon a string of six girls stood by him as he repeated his vows to her.
"Is this some kind of joke?" she asked, lips quivering as she tried to hold back her tears. "Who are these
girls?"

"They're girls from my past. They don't mean anything to me now, but I've given my heart to each of
them."

The bride asked indignantly, "But I thought your heart was mine!"

"It is! It is!" the groom replied. "Everything that is left is yours!"
Solomon understands that sex was created to build a union, to make two individuals one flesh. And so
before they consummate their marriage, he asks one more time whether she's willing to leave her home
in Lebanon and live with him in the palace. He knows that once they've consummated, a lifelong union
will be formed.

Divine sex is reserved for marriage. "You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring
enclosed, a sealed fountain" (verse 12, NIV).

Based on the past two points, this one is pretty much a no-brainer. However, we still fight it and seek to
justify sex before marriage. I was recently talking with a woman who found herself in this position. I had
been counseling with her boyfriend, sharing these principles about dating and sex. As a result, he took
some big steps backward in their physical relationship and set up some high boundaries. Although she
has been a Christian her whole life, she wasn't too pleased! She told me she had spent the better part of
a week scouring Scripture, looking for justification for their physical relationship. She finally confessed
that she continued to hit brick walls.

The Bible is clear. Sex is reserved for marriage. If you have any doubts about this couple in the Song of
Solomon, if you have any question as to what they have or haven't done prior to their wedding night,
verse 12 makes everything clear. "A garden enclosed is my sister, my spouse, a spring shut up, a fountain
sealed" (NKJV). She has brought the beautiful gift of her virginity to their marriage, and what an
awesome gift that is!

o Divine sex is pleasing to God. "Eat, O friends, and drink; drink your fill, O lovers" (S. of Sol. 5:1, NIV).
This is the one most of us have the hardest time accepting. "OK, I can believe He allows sex (although He
probably turns His face or leaves the room!). But He's pleased by it? Come on!" But indeed, when we
follow His plan and take His advice on issues of sex and intimacy, not only is our pleasure multiplied; so
is His! And so He says to this newly married couple just after the sex act, "Eat, O friends, and drink; drink
your fill, O lovers." God rejoices in our intimacy! He encourages us! He cheers us on to enjoy each other.
What a gift! What a God!

Where Are You?

I don't know how these principles will affect you. I suppose it depends on where you are in this journey
called life. If you are single, it means not buying into the world's propaganda regarding issues of sexual
intimacy. It means proceeding prayerfully, cautiously, and with all purity in every relationship.
If you're married, it means following the golden rule with your spouse. Treat him or her as you want to
be treated. Put their needs first. Be sensitive. Be gentle. Just be for the other! Enjoy this beautiful gift as
it was intended to be enjoyed.

Regardless of your marital status or your position in life, let me urge you to join with me to combat the
constant barrage of popular culture. Let's proclaim loudly, and comfortably, the truth about sex.
Because God's way is the only way to have truly safe and satisfying sex!

_________________________

David L. Kennedy is pastor of the Seventh-day Adventist church in Franktown, Colorado.