Speaking Their Truths

A Flash Memoir
English 2010
Natalie Sheppard
 It was a perfect day, the kind of day that rejuvenated me and brought to me a life

source in the form of the golden sun. The floral perfume that Spring brought to the air wafted

gently, and I was spending a wonderful day in the Veteran’s Memorial Park in West Jordan,

Utah. It was the peak of Pokémon Go popularity, and my brother and I were looking for raids

for legendary birds. 

We saw a woman standing under the shade of a lush green tree. She had bright red

shorts and a white tank top, her brown curly hair pulled back to ward off some of the heat. She

was with a young girl, and they were both watching their phones without blinking. My brother

and I approached quickly, excitement clearly shining through our voices as we asked, maybe a

little too eagerly “are you guys waiting to join this raid?” They nodded, and we joined them

under the tree, enjoying the unexpected coolness after the blaze of the sun was beating down

on us. We had some small talk about Pokémon Go, and the conversation naturally ended as we

waited for more people to come and join us.

“You know…I don’t see color.” 

I jerked my head up from my phone stifling a laugh. Interesting how out of nowhere this

woman decided to declare to me, a black woman, that she does not see color. I sarcastically

thought to myself “what could have possibly sparked that comment?”. I glanced at my brother

who hid his bemusement through the guise of focusing on his phone. It was just another day in

the life. 

If you are ever wondering what ridiculous monologues an individual can improvise, just

ask your token black friend living in a predominantly white community. We will have stories to
fill your curiosity the brim and curb that hunger. And while some while some of it is well

meaning, like this woman at the park, a lot of times it is shameless and ignorant. 

When I was a little girl, I was bursting with confidence. I never felt uncomfortable with

my blackness, this brown glow was a part of me that I was forever proud of. While other people

would hide from the sun, I would be charged by it, overjoyed at the prospect of becoming a

richer tone. I remember the moment that my confidence was shaken for the first time.

I was wearing a pastel pink top, and I loved it because it was my favorite color. I was sitting at

the long brown lunch table in the small elementary school cafeteria, the laughter and voices of

happy children bouncing off the yellow tiled walls. I looked across the table and saw two girls

whispering. I stared at them, and they turn to me. 

“Black people shouldn’t wear pink.” one of the girls stated. “It looks really bad with your

skin.” 

I froze. Like I said, I had always been quite comfortable in my own skin. But I loved that

shirt, its cotton candy color, and the perfect fit. Honestly, I do not remember my reaction. I just

remember wishing that someone had come to my defense and crying alone in a dark bathroom

stall through recess.

There were a couple of small incidences throughout my school years. Someone once

told me that I was not allowed to touch their desk because it is a white person's desk, I was also

once told that my voice was too “R&B” to be cast in Fiddler on the Roof. That same teacher had

cast me as Cinderella in another production and wanted me to be “sassy with attitude”,

basically encouraging me to exude every black girl stereotype in the book.

 There were many experiences throughout my life, but I would try to shake them off.

There are only a few times where I felt like my personal sense of self came into question. 

When I was in high school, I had become interested in learning how to sew. I do not

even remember what sparked it, I think I wanted to start making costumes. I met some like-

minded people in a sewing class who also told me about conventions where we can show off

the costumes that we made. I was not the best seamstress by any means. I remember our first

project was a pillowcase and everyone was moving along nicely as I continued to rip out the

tiny imperfect stitches like it was my job. My friends in the class became interested in one

particular show and said that we should all dress up as characters from it. I knew the character

that I wanted to be. She had fiery red hair, a sleek black outfit, and an attitude to boot. I was

ready.

“You can’t cosplay that because you are black.”

And just like that, shattered again, my excitement crashing to the floor like a fallen

mirror.

I tried again, some years later after high school by dressing up as a character from the

show Sailor Moon. As I walked through the parking lot to enter the convention hall, someone

driving by yelled “there are no black characters in Sailor Moon!” and drove away laughing with

their friends. I think I only stayed for about an hour after that before the emotion took over and

I went back home. I have another black friend who told me years later that that very experience

was the reason that she stopped wearing making and wearing as well.

The list of situations just goes on and on. From comments to my hair, to people joking

about how they can say racial slurs now that they have a black friend. Sometimes it seems as if
people open their mouths, and the word IGNORANCE just slides out in a disgusting slimy heap.

People always claim that they would had they been there, but I have never been defended in

any of these situations.

In the article Racism in Utah: In the workplace, on social media, and inside schools a

teacher states that “Making a safer community for all ethnicities in Utah requires people to

take a step or two out of their comfort zones” ( 1.Havens, E. (2017, January 27). Racism in Utah:

In the workplace, on social media, and inside schools. Https://Www.Thespectrum.Com/.), and I

do not know how much faith I have in individuals doing that anymore. I even have a situation as

early as this week in my workplace that would blow some individuals minds.

Unless, of course, they are also black in Utah.

Sources:

1. Havens, E. (2017, January 27). Racism in Utah: In the workplace, on social media, and

inside schools. Https://Www.Thespectrum.Com/.

https://www.thespectrum.com/story/news/2018/01/30/racism-workplace-social-

media-inside-schools-utah/905356001/