Parashat Ekev, 22 Av, 5781 | July 31, 2021
TheTorahAnyTimes
Rabbi Yaniv Meirov
Like You, Don’t Like You
T
he Torah tells us in Parshas
Pinchas how Pinchas, rec-
ognizing the illicit act be-
ing publicly committed by Zimri
and Cozbi, avenged G-d’s name and
killed them. How is it that Pinchas
had the courage to kill them, espe-
cially Zimri who was a leader of the
tribe of Shimon? What gave Pinchas
that inner strength and conviction?
The commentaries explain that
Pinchas looked at Zimri, who was
a leader in his own right and pub-
licly rebelling against God’s will and
said to himself, “If Zimri is putting
his reputation on the line, and not
caring what other people say, how
much more so should I do what is
honorable and right. With that,
Pinchas killed him, which brought
a halt to the plague decimating
24,000 people.
Second to this is that Pinchas
garnered criticism from what he
did, after which Hashem came to
his defense.
Reflecting on this prompts the
question as to how we can best deal
with criticism that we receive.
The mashal is told of the practice
The TorahAnyTimes Parashat Ekev 5781
from TorahAnytime.com
TheTorahAnyTimes is a publication of
that would take place for a couple
Compiled and Edited by Elan Perchik
who was about to get married in Ye-
men. A donkey would lead them to IN THIS ISSUE
their wedding, during which they
would wave to bystanders and wish Rabbi Yaniv Meirov 
each other well. However, the cave- Like You, Don’t Like You
at was that the donkey held only one Rabbi Uri Lati   
passenger at a time. Either the bride The Secret of 120 Years
or the groom could sit atop the don- Rabbi Moshe Tuvia Lieff   
key, but not both at the same time. The Store of Shabbos
So what were they to do? Rabbi Yitzchak Fanger   
For one couple, the groom sat on Be Like a River
the donkey, as the bride walked be- Rabbi Label Lam   
side him. But soon enough, people Obsessed with the Boo Boo
began rumoring that the couple is
not even married yet and the hus-
band is already controlling the wife.
So the future husband and wife de- DEDICATIONS
cided to switch places. The bride sat
L’iluy Nishmat
atop the donkey as the groom strode
beside. But, yet again, it was not long Meir Eliyahu ben Yaakov Dov
before people began whispering that Bechor ben Rivkah
they are not even married yet and
the wife is asserting her power and L’refuah Sheleima
trying to dominate the husband.
Deena bat Shoshana
Now they were at an impasse.
Yerachmiel Eliyahu Ben Esther Riva
So they both remained off the
donkey, walking beside it. But this Reuven ben Rochel
didn’t stop people from clamoring Menachem Moshe Ben Chana Gittel
and talking to one another about the
To add your dedication,
email info@torahanytime.com
1
absurdity they were witnessing right
before them. Here was a bride and
groom with a perfectly healthy don-
key right beside them, and neither of
them were sitting on it!
At this point, the bride and groom
had too much, and moreover, real-
ized what must be done. They each
climbed atop the donkey and sat
there together. But quicker than
ever did the comments begin. “How
could they be so thoughtless! Here
is this poor donkey who is carrying
them both!”
By now, the bride and groom were
exasperated and couldn’t take it. In a
moment of annoyance, they came up
with what they were going to do to-
gether. They together lifted the don-
key and placed in on their shoulders.
But that only drove the townspeople
wild with laughter!
And then they realized that what-
ever they would do, there would
always be criticism. Always. Never
Rabbi Uri Lati
The Secret of 120 Years
A
t the conclusion of Shem-
onah Esrei, we say, “N’tzor
le’shoncha mei’ra… - Let us
guard our tongue from evil…” We
bring home to ourselves the impor-
tance of staying away from slander-
Rabbi Moshe Tuvia Lieff
The Store of Shabbos
T
he Chofetz Chaim paints the
following analogy. You want
to purchase furniture, and so,
you head to a furniture store on a
Tuesday, only to find out that there
is a posted sign which says, “Closed
on Tuesday.” While today is off limits
for any purchasing, you are not de-
The TorahAnyTimes Parashat Ekev 5781
would they find the exact, perfect
way of being that would make ev-
eryone approve of them or like what
they were doing. So they decided
that they were going to make the
right choice: do what they believed
should be done and not look at any-
one else for approval.
In life, one of the biggest hin-
drances to success is living with the
intent for people to approve of you.
Being needy of other people liking
you and approving of you will result
in you leading a life of how other
people want you to live, and not how
you want to live.
You may begin by being a certain
way, and find that some people like
you and some people don’t. Realiz-
ing that you’re not getting every-
one’s approval and thinking that if
you change something about your-
self, you will gain that very approval,
you go about making that change.
But soon you discover, that yet again,
ous, degrading speech of others. No-
tably, the first letter of each of these
words (nun, lamed and mem) add up
to the gematria (numerical value) of
120. One-hundred-and-twenty is the
optimum life span we wish for oth-
flated, as you can still buy from the
store on a different day of the week.
You come to the store a few weeks
later at 12:15 p.m. and the sign says
that they’re closed. Now you know
that they’re closed during lunchtime.
So you decide that you won’t head to
the store on a Tuesday or any other
some people like you and some peo-
ple don’t. You can’t win. Either way
you go, someone doesn’t like you.
Pinchas looked as to what he need-
ed to do, and not what other people
thought about him or what they
thought he should do. Guided by the
principles and values of Hashem and
His Torah, Pinchas guided himself
to action with poise. In a close play
on words, it could be said that he
was worried about what the Shechi-
nah (G-d) wanted from him and not
what his sh’cheinah (fellow neighbor)
wanted of him.
And that is the great truth of life.
Whatever you do, what will always
remain the same is this: some people
will like you and some people won’t.
So don’t live your life for other peo-
ple. Live it for yourself, in the way
that stays true to who you are and
what values you stand for. And that
will ensure that, in your life, you
reach the success you are striving for.
ers and for ourselves. How do we get
there? What is the promise for lon-
gevity and a good, quality life?
Watch what comes out of your
mouth. Be careful with the words
you say to another, ensuring that they
come across with respect and care.
And you’ll be on your way to living a
life of 120 years.
day from 12 – 1 p.m. You then come
a month later, and you discover that
the store is closed yet again, and this
time, as the sign reads, it’s for a family
occasion for two weeks. So now you
know that as long as you don’t come
on a Tuesday or during lunch hours
or during these two weeks, you can
buy furniture.
But how do you know that you can
never buy furniture there? When the
sign comes down. When the store is
2
no longer there, the store is out of
business.
Shabbos is our store. It is our source
of blessing. When we are lax in our
observance of Shabbos, the store is
not open. It is ironic that Shabbos as
our store, as our source of blessing,
is open when we close our physical
stores and businesses.
When we keep Shabbos, it affects
everything. It holds the power of
opening or closing the entire store
Rabbi Yitzchak Fanger
Be Like a River
Y
ears ago, in the early years
of the Enlightenment Era, a
young man began degrading
one of the local rabbis studying in
the synagogue. But even with all the
taunts and jeers, the rabbi remained
unfazed and undeterred from break-
ing away from his studying. So the
young man amped up, raising his
voice to an even higher decibel and
adding even more ferocity to his
condescending remarks.
But the rabbi stayed still. Not a
word. Not a move.
At this point, the fellow grew ex-
asperated. “Rabbi, what’s going on?
Why are you not disturbed by what
I’m doing? Is it not bothering you?”
Hearing this, the rabbi picked up his
Rabbi Label Lam
Obsessed with the Boo Boo
T
here is debate among psy-
chologists if children are lit-
tle adults or if adults are big
children. Sometimes, it can seem as
if an adult just has more keys on his
ring and he is playing with bigger
trucks and bigger blocks from 5th
to 7th Avenue. And sometimes, kids
The TorahAnyTimes Parashat Ekev 5781
of our Jewish identity. When we are
Shomer Shabbos, it defines who we are.
When we describe ourselves as some-
one who is Shomer Shabbos, it speaks
to a whole array of behavior that we
are meant to carry ourselves in accor-
dance with. It is an inclusive, encom-
passing description of our identity, of
our lives as Jews.
Moreover, as much as keeping
Shabbos gives us our identity as peo-
ple, we in turn grow in our depth of
gaze. “If somebody wants to give you
a present and you decline the present,
the person who wanted to give the
present away still keeps it. You want-
ed to give me your words and I decid-
ed not to receive them. So you’re kept
with your own degrading words.”
The fellow walked away, ponder-
ing these words of the rabbi. He had
wanted to tell the rabbi off, and all
that happened is that he himself was
kept with the bad feeling of frustra-
tion. And it certainly didn’t feel good.
He wanted to get that off his chest,
and here he was, stewing in his own
emotional chaos.
The next day, the man returned
to the rabbi and said that he felt
ashamed. “Rabbi, can you please for-
are quite impish and know a lot. But
there is an aspect to our behavior to
focus on. It is what what children
call, “Boo Boos.”
I remember that for my daughter’s
fifth birthday, she received two box-
es of band aids. Boo Boos were a big
deal and band aids were used even on
Shabbos observance by virtue of ob-
serving Shabbos itself. Shabbos deep-
ens us as identified Jews, which as a
result deepens our future Shabbos
appreciation and adherence. When
we carry ourselves as Shomer Shabbos
Jews, it influences us completely. It
personifies and encapsulates who we
are. Shabbos defines us in totality, and
is the essence of a Jew.
give me…” The rabbi looked up. “The
truth is that I forgave you yesterday.
And in fact, I am not today who I was
yesterday.
“If, in example,” continued the rab-
bi, “you see a river and you throw
stones into the river, will you see any
remaining effect tomorrow? No, be-
cause they fell into the river and ei-
ther sunk or were washed away. A
person needs to be like a river. Let
things flow. Let things roll off you.
The person you are today is a differ-
ent person than you were yesterday.
What happened in the past is in the
past and doesn’t need to be carried
over into the future. It’s all up to you
how you want to react.
The events we experience in life
are shape and toned by our reaction.
And we can react in any way we want.
Choose your reactions and choose
your life.
clothing. Adults, too, tend to obsess
with boo boos in life.
I remember how I once scheduled
a meeting with a fellow, and had
parked my car next to a meter. After
I finished the meeting, and realizing
my time was running low, I darted
back to my car. But as I approached
it, I wasn’t too happy to see that an
officer was standing right beside,
readying herself to place a ticket on
my dashboard.
3
 I made it too late. As I swaggered
to my car, I grabbed the ticket and
looked at it. $85. I had just met some-
one as an act of chesed, I’m a teacher,
and between the two, this $85 ticket
wasn’t helping one bit. I was grinding
my teeth.
With nothing more to do, I started
driving down the West Side highway,
heading back to the George Washing-
ton Bridge. It took me until I arrived
at the bridge to catch myself. It’s cold
outside, but it’s warm in the car. My
house is a warm place and my wife
is baking challah, and my children
are in school and are healthy. Look at
how many good things I have in life,
and here I am obsessed about this lit-
tle boo boo.
This is human nature. The boo boo
eclipses everything that is going well
in our life. One little rip in the suit
or tear in the dress and it spirals us
downwards. No one would notice the
tear, but every time you look at it, it
feels as if you’re falling into the Grand
Canyon.
When my wife was in labor with
one of my daughters, she was being
helped by a nice and tender birthing
coach. She was soothing and calming
my wife during the process. But it
was carrying on and on.
There I was myself in the corner,
saying Tehillim. Suddenly then there
was a moment of pause, after which
the coach said, “One more push
and you’re going to have your baby.”
My wife looked up. “Baby?” she ex-
claimed. I remember thinking to my-
self, “What does she think we came
here for?”
Later I realized that it’s a psycho-
logical principle. A person can be in
the midst of the most obvious pro-
duction, the most valuable produc-
tion in the world – a child – and he or
she is arriving any minute. And yet,
when you are experiencing the pain,
it eclipses and blocks out even that
very best experience of a lifetime.
As humans, we obsess with what’s
going wrong. The whole house is per-
fect and one cabinet is not closing
well, and that’s all we can think about.
Don’t focus on the boo boo. Focus
on the good you have. It’s right there.
Just look.

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