7 Shockingly Simple

Flirting Secrets
 7 Shockingly Simple Flirting Secrets

Here’s a quick test on your flirting skills.

All you have to do is answer YES or NO to the next three questions:

1. Do you know how to make a man imagine what it would be like to undress you
in the first five minutes of conversation?

2. Have you ever made a man feel entranced and solely focused on just watching
your lips as they form the words coming out of your mouth?

3. Was there a time when a man picked you especially out a group of you and your
friends just because he felt some unexplained magnetic pull towards your energy?

If your answer is ‘NO’ to all three, don’t worry. Your training begins now.

If the above questions seem as though they would require some bizarre
superpower to pull off in the real world, there’s a very good chance you haven’t
been awakened to the shockingly simple flirting techniques that desirable women
use everyday to ensnare the men they desire.

We need to break down flirting and make it simple again.

Most people tend to think they are great flirts, when really they just have clumsy
conversations that somehow once in a while end up in a date without them
knowing how or why the guy was attracted to them. Most people don’t really
know what they are doing, which is why everyone will tell you their own little
secrets and all the advice will be contradictory or downright bizarre.

This short guide is for anyone who has ever felt confused about how to go from
casual conversation to attraction, or how to get guys to see you as more than a
friend, or how to get a guy desperate to grab and kiss you at the next available
opportunity, and be the girl he wants to show off at the party as his girlfriend.

So let’s start with the obvious: What is flirting? And do you even notice when
you’re doing it?
Many people think flirting is just talking with a guy they like: But it’s not. That’s just
talking.

Many people think flirting is just being REALLY SUPER NICE to a guy and giggling a lot
and agreeing with everything he says: But it’s not. That’s just being an admirer.

Many people think flirting is outright propositioning a guy, using cliché sexual innuendoes
and cheesey come-ons they’ve picked up from a movie: It’s not. That’s just being too obvious
and weird.

Ok, so we know what flirting is not.

So what is it then?

What is that elusive power that certain women possess as though they owned a
magic dog whistle that pricks the ears of every nearby man when she calls? That
power that belongs to the woman who just know by instinct how to turn it on and
command a man’s attention, leaving him as wide-eyed and persistent as a puppy
begging its owner for more treats?

The truth is, flirting is not a power game. The essence of great flirting is fun. It’s
creating a world of excitement, intrigue and fun that a guy wants to spend time
in.

You don’t need to possess special tricks to do this. But master the techniques I’m
about to share with you, and it will look to others like you are capable of weaving
magic out of thin air.

Luckily though, I’m not a magician. So I don’t have to feel bad about revealing
these secrets.

Let’s delve behind the curtain...

 The Rules of Flirting That Will Get You Inside Any Guy’s Head

Do you feel like you’ve forgotten all of your moves? Do you feel like you never had
any moves in the first place?

It’s easy to feel stale and out of the game if you haven’t been used to flirting in a
while.

Perhaps you’ve recently come out of a long relationship and feel unusual going
through the traditional courtship dance that happens when you meet someone new.

Perhaps you’ve been so engrossed in your career, or hobbies, or intellectual

pursuits that you just don’t know how to ‘switch on’ that flirtatious side of you
when you meet someone you’re attracted to because you feel stuck in one zone.

Perhaps you have never in your life felt like the sort of person who is even capable
of flirting! Perhaps you’ve always ended up with as the ‘buddy girl’ with men who
see you as just sweet and fun, but you don’t push those attraction buttons that
make him want to take you out, hold your hand and try to seduce you.

Wherever you are right now doesn’t matter. Why? Because flirting is one of the
most learnable skills on the planet, and anyone can learn how to get noticed, be
charming, make a guy laugh, and make a guy feel special in one conversation.

But unfortunately, there is a myth that goes around which says: Men are just visual
creatures. They see what they like or they don’t, and nothing you can do will affect that.

The rules I’m about to impart prove time and time again that this reductive,
ridiculous belief is complete bulls**t of the most insidious kind.

But first thing first. I will not lie to you. It’s true: Men are visual creatures. But guess
what? ALL human beings are visual creatures. Everyone has to feel that initial tug
of visual attraction in order to find someone initially appealing enough to even
want to flirt with them or pursue them romantically.

But does that mean that looks are everything? NO!

Does it mean that visual attraction is solely based on the looks you were born with,
and has nothing to do with the playful energy you give off, or how sexy you are to
a guy? Of course not.

VISUAL ATTRACTION on its own does not mean you will get noticed, have guys
approach you, have guys want to spend time with you, have guys find you sexy, or
have guys want to pursue a relationship with you.

Because to get noticed sexually and create deep attraction you must be able to
flirt. There is no way around it.

So now we know what you need to do, let’s look at how you can do it.

Rule No. 1 – Learn to be in the moment and embrace who you really are

Flirting is like acting. Not because it’s fake, but because it is about embodying a
character and expressing a clear identity.

It’s about comfort with who you are, what you say, and how you feel inside.

Most of all: it is about learning to let go and be in the moment.

It’s believing that what you have to say is fun, interesting, and exciting for anyone
to hear. It’s about believing that you deserve to command the attention of the
person listening.

So whether right now you feel neurotic, insecure, unattractive, uncool, boring, or
shy, I want you to see and understand that these feelings are holding you back from
who you truly want to be.

You might think ‘I’m an introvert, I can’t let go and be flirtatious’. I get it. I still
think of myself as an introvert, but that doesn’t mean I let that define my identity. I
sometimes feel shy (though no-one believes me), but time and time again I have
come to realise that shyness is just an emotion I sometimes feel, and it’s not who I
am deep down in my heart.

Deep down I’m someone who wants to connect with people, who loves sharing
ideas and gets a kick out of great conversation, who loves being inspired and
making people laugh.
Most people are all of those things I just listed, but they suppress them. They
suppress them because they have constructed an identity that builds a wall around
them. It protects them from any vulnerability. It stops them from having to take
risks and put themselves on the line.

This is why we have to re-frame the entire way we see flirting. From this moment
on, your mindset should be this: You’re not flirting because you want something
from the guy, but rather because you love being able to play, express yourself
and be who you are.

When you re-frame flirting in this way you aren’t really taking any risks. You have
nothing to lose! You will feel like you can speak to people effortlessly because you
aren’t placing all of your anxieties and self-worth on the outcome of a single
interaction. Your mindset is just: I am a human being and want to express myself
and have fun. I want to be in the moment, be spontaneous and understand
others.

This is the complete opposite of that neurotic mindset where you are constantly in
your head, analyzing your mood and always mentally replaying every
conversation, instead of directing your attention where it should be: IN THE
MOMENT.

If you ever want to be a great flirt, you have to learn to give your full attention to
the guy you are talking to.

See, here’s the big secret: It doesn’t actually matter one jot if you’re shy, because
most guys won’t even notice. The only thing a guy thinks when you speak to him
is: “A girl is speaking to me, this is great!”. Even if you sound a little shy, he’ll just
see that as you being coy or feminine and gentle. The only thing that matters is
that he feels your full attention. And the only way to give him your full attention
is to be completely present and in the moment.

Most people make the mistake of approaching flirting like a boxer. They think they
need to learn a perfect set of punches (metaphorical punches, that is!) so that they
can deliver the winning combo that will leave a guy dumfounded and putty in
their hands, thus winning the battle of seduction.

But flirting isn’t a battle. Seduction is more like dancing, or being a great chef. A
great chef loves to make people enjoy what he brings to the table, but more
important is his pure joy in being able to cook and experiment. In other words, he
gets pleasure out of the process.

The same is true of a dancer. A dancer delights the people who watch her dance,
but the true value is what she feels when she moves her body and expresses herself
in new ways.

So flirting should feel like something you do just because you enjoy letting go and
having fun for its own sake. Learn to re-frame flirting this way, and you’ll never get
lost in nerves or self-defeating negative talk again.

Remember, you are not trying to win. You are trying to create delight for yourself
and others around you.

Rule No. 2 – Master the art of showing DESIRE without DEPENDENCE

Now we have our mindset and understand that the essence of flirting is being able
to relax, let go and have fun, let’s look at the nitty gritty of what makes a good flirt.

Flirting is creating and showing desire. But there is a balance to be struck. You can’t
just come on to someone and be too obvious about it. Otherwise you risk looking
desperate, or you make a guy feel weirdly suspicious.

This is a balance many women find difficult to strike. Some women go too far in the
direction of DESIRE, and fail to present any kind of challenge to a guy.

Other women do the exact opposite: they play too-cool-for-school, wearing an aloof
supermodel attitude. They create an icy armor so thick that no man can even be
bothered to try and crack her impenetrable shell.

So how should you play it, if both of these extremes are poison to great flirting?

The trick is to master the subtle art of showing DESIRE WITHOUT

DEPENDENCE. This is the ultimate sweet spot that makes guys crazy for you, and
when you hit it’s like you’ve struck gold.

How does this technique work? It’s simple.

You show a guy you are enjoying his company. You even throw a compliment or
two his way. You can tell him, “What is that aftershave you’re wearing, it’s so
good!” then lean in a bit to smell it and say, “wow, I can’t resist that smell on a man,
we’re going to have to keep away from each other for the rest of the night!”. You
say this in a playful way, and what he hears subconsciously is that (a) he is
desirable, but also that (b) he hasn’t earned you yet.

You desire him, but you are not dependent. You are not looking for a specific
reaction, nor are you worrying about how he is going to respond. A guy can tell
when he’s with a woman who just says what’s on her mind and doesn’t worry
about his response, and he loves it.

He wants the woman who wants his company, but doesn’t need it to have a good
time. She can come and show him lots of attention, then go have fun back with her
friends.

So never be afraid to show a guy you enjoy having him around. All he needs to see
is that you want him, but don’t need him.

You desire him, but you are capable of having fun without him.

Rule No. 3 – Use ‘lightness of touch’ to drive him crazy

There’s no way around it. If you’re not comfortable with touching, you’re not
comfortable with flirting.

While it is possible to flirt without touching a guy, by not using touch you are
denying yourself one of the most powerful and effective ways to be memorable,
express warmth, and add a hint of sexuality to your interactions.

Here’s the crucial thing to remember though: Touch does not always mean sexual
touch. Touch is just a way of establishing a quick connection with a guy.

Let me give an example of just how effective touch can be.

A recent study into the behavior of customers in restaurants aimed to discover

which factors made customers more or less willing to tip the waiter or waitress who
served their food. One of the factors they looked at was touch. They wanted to
discover if the amount of money paid in tips would be higher when the server
lightly touched the customer on the shoulder when they handed them their check
at the end of the meal.

The results showed that on every occasion, a waiter or waitress could expect higher
tips if they touched the customer lightly, even if the touch as light as a one second
shoulder tap. So even in a non-sexual situation like tipping in a restaurant,
touching people in any way makes them much, much more well disposed toward
us.

If you’re not a tactile person, this all might make you groan.

You might say “I’m just not the touchy type”. I’m here to tell you that those days
are over. Because here’s thing: you don’t need to touch someone much at all. All
you have to do is lean into a guy a bit closer when you want to listen in close, or
lightly touch the top of his arm when you make a point, or slightly touch his back
when you move next to him at the bar. And believe me, guys are so grateful to be
touched by a woman at all that they won’t care how strange you feel about doing
it! Touching adds the crucial element of femininity to your interactions, and it
makes a guy feel like a man around you.

Make it a game with yourself (because flirting always has to feel fun!): Next time
you’re at a social event, see if you can introduce yourself to a guy and touch him
two times before you finish your conversation (start with a handshake, and end by
touching his arm as you say “it was so great to meet you”).

If you do this, the results will shock you, and believe me, you’ll want to be a more
touchy person.

Rule No. 4 – Mix up the energy

There is no one style that makes a great flirt. In fact, one of the most incredible and
simple tricks to attracting a guy is simply to mix up the energy and embody many
different characteristics.

What this means is simple.

Sometimes you want to be excitable, high energy and tons of fun. You’ll be making
jokes, high-fiving, sticking your tongue out in a cheeky schoolgirl way, and
generally making him feel relaxed.
But sometimes you’ll slow it down, be more intense and give him attention in a
more focused way.

Use phrases like: “you know what’s really cool about you…” then pause. He’ll say
“what?”, then cock your had slightly, as though you’re thinking about what to say,
then give him a compliment, like “you have a way of making someone feel really
relaxed and open around you” or “you have this really intelligent look in your
eyes”. Just make it something that you actually feel (so that what you say isn’t just
meaningless ego-stroking!), and make sure that it delivers some insight into his
personality.

Guys are attracted to women who show many different qualities. Which is why you
want to be able to be able to be shallow and deep, slow and fast, intense and then
playful. The best way to do this is to make everything as natural as possible. The
more ‘in the moment’ and spontaneous you feel, the easier it will be for you to
transition between these different modes. For example, one minute you could be
messing around, laughing like crazy and acting like two children, and then
suddenly, you make full eye contact and ask him about his dreams and plans for
the future. When you get good at this, you can get to know someone more in ten
minutes than most people do in ten hours.

Mixing up the energy is a great way to get a guy to open up to you, because it
makes him feel relaxed and just like he’s having fun, instead of feeling like he’s
being interrogated. Bad flirts tend to go for obvious questions like “what do you do
for a living?” or “where do you live?”, both of which make a guy feel like a woman
is trying to scope out how much money he makes, usually putting him on the
defensive.

The best thing you can do is create a world where the guy can see many different
parts of your personality and have fun around you, which again, is the essence of
great flirting.

The better he feels around you, the more he wants to be around you. Simple as that!

Rule No. 5 – Build anticipation and give him something to live up to

We all know that guys are attracted to the idea of a challenge (not to be confused
with playing hard-to-get). But what does that really mean?
It categorically doesn’t mean just play hard to get, which is a sure-fire way to lose
many great guys who decide to move on to someone who gives them more
attention.

What being a challenge really means is giving him something to aspire to, and making
him feel like he wants to be his best around you.

And two of the best ways to do this are (1) make him feel inspired, and (2) show
him you have standards.

Part of the way you do this is by what we call the compliment-and-inspire model,
which goes like this: You tell him something cool about him, then tell him he needs
to do it more – e.g. “That shirt makes your arms look hot. You should wear those
more”. Or when he tells you about his plans for the future, say “that sounds so
cool, you have to do that, I could totally see you being a writer/owning a business/
adventuring in Asia”.

Another way you can build anticipation is by showing you’re attracted to him, but
without giving him everything up front. Be suggestive of what he could get if he
played his cards right. For example, let’s suppose a guy gets a bit too sexually
suggestive in a text, and you want to build his anticipation without killing the
flirtatious vibe you’ve got going. How do you do it? Easy. You give him a
compliment whilst also showing that you have standards. You just say, “As hot as
you are I don’t move that fast : ). But I’m looking forward to seeing you again.
Maybe next week? x” This one text achieves everything: It builds anticipation, gets
him to aspire to ‘win’ you (so it keeps him motivated), and it offers him a window
in which he can see you again (thus showing desire for him).

Why is it so important to give compliments to guys and inspire them in this way?
Because guys are desperate to impress you.

This is why if a guy would be instantly turned off if after telling you about all of the
exciting things he sees in his future, you just shrugged it off or seemed
unimpressed. Because he gets turned on by seeing you impressed.

Of course, if a guy is genuinely NOT impressive, that’s fine, you don’t have to
pursue him. But even with that guy you should strive to make him feel good,
because he may have friends who you do want to get to know better. This is why
we have to learn to flirt with anyone, because every social interaction has the
potential to lead us to someone or something incredible. This is why the best flirts
are able to charm everyone (even other women), rather than only saving their best
self for the one guy they actually feel attracted to. Just get used to practicing being
flirtatious and making others feel good as much as you possibly can, and it will feel
natural when you do meet that amazing guy.

Rule No. 6 – Unpack his mind

Guys really want to be understood. And they aren’t used to getting this from most
of their male buddies. Male bonding usually consists of joking around, competitive
behavior and talking a LOT about women. But it doesn’t really involve a whole lot
of sharing feelings and opening up about their personality.

Which is why you have a golden opportunity to turn a guy on by being someone
who understands him. The quickest and easiest way to do this is to ask questions
that SEEK VALUES, INSTEAD OF FACTS.

When he tells you about a challenge he overcame, you can ask: “Wow, what was
the most difficult part of achieving that?” or simply ask “How did you do that?”.

Another great way to engage a guy in this way is to ask for his advice (Pro Tip:
Guys LOVE to be asked for their help and advice). If he has done something that
seems cool or was a big success, such as traveling around Europe or acquiring his
PhD, just ask him “what would your best piece of advice be for someone trying to
do that?” – and you’ll instantly be unique by giving him permission to open up
with all the things he learned and wants to share.

Moreover, you are fulfilling one a guy’s most natural needs, which is to feel
significant.

Rule No. 7 – Use your greatest weapons – Smile and Laugh

Let me just avoid all the clichés and say this: Smiling is really important. Really,
REALLY important.

People often overlook the power of the smile because, along with the advice to
make more eye contact, it’s probably the most frequently given piece of advice for
improving your social skills. But here’s the thing: Just because something is
obvious, does not mean everyone does it. And the reason it is repeated so often is
because it has been repeatedly proven to make so much difference!

A broad smile, along with making eye contact has been found in every
psychological study to make a guy much more likely to approach a woman. What
makes this great is that it gives you a way to flirt and get a guy’s attention when
you’re not even talking to him.

It’s also important to smile to give a guy encouragement during conversation to

show him that you’re enjoying his company. And when you laugh, make sure you
look directly in his eyes so that he feels connected to you.

Many people think they have to be cool and try not to smile and laugh too much.
They think being flirty means acting super serious and sophisticated, like a femme
fatale from a 1950’s gangster movie.

If you’re one of those people, remember this maxim: Being sexy is way more about
being fun than it is about being cool. And the best way to be fun is to seem like
you’re having fun.

This is true of guys and girls by the way. Most of the time people who try and be
too cool come off as cold, boring or unfriendly. When a guy wants to introduce a
girl to his friends, it’s usually because he thinks she’s going to bring life to the party
and bring a great energy.

Guys are big kids. They love attention and they want to see that they are
pleasing you. So show him that you enjoy having him around!

Be the girl that a guy describes as fun and someone who is always in a great mood,
and he’ll always want you around.

And finally…

Here’s the bottom line.

You are a woman.

That in itself already makes you interesting and sexy to a man. Even if you feel
neurotic or in your head, or feel a little silly, always remember - men are just happy
to be talking to you. Men aren’t worried about what’s in your head or your
hangups. He’ll only remember the things you did (e.g. when you told him he had a
cute smile, that way you smelt when you leant in close, that touch on his arm that
he wished you would do again, the way you’re eyes locked onto his...).

You don’t have to be an absolute perfectionist or worry about getting everything

right to flirt like a pro.

All you have to do is give a guy the chance to be himself around you, have fun, and
feel like a man in your company, all of which you can do easily with the techniques
in this document.

And remember, flirting isn’t about being easy, or being overly seductive, or giving
everything away immediately - it’s just about giving him your best so that he wants to keep
pursuing you.

And he will. Believe me.

Matt x