Mind Twists

by Ian Rowland

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This is a free booklet from...

www.thecoldreadingconnection.com

The Cold Reading Connection is maintained by Ian

Rowland. The aim of the CRC is to bring you the best
information, training and resources about cold reading
and related fields.

This is a copyright document and all rights are reserved.

However, you can copy and distribute it as much as you
like so long as you keep it intact, give full credit, and
don’t make money out of it or use it to add value to a
publication or website.

— Ian

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Dedication
I dedicate this booklet to all the inspirational friends who have
helped to write it, whether they realise it or not. Thank you for
sharing with me your ideas, opinions and, sometimes, happily
rambling conversations!

Publishing Details
Mind Twists 2015

First edition.

Copyright © Ian Rowland Limited, 2015, London England.

All rights reserved.

Published by Ian Rowland Limited.

All rights reserved. This publication may not be copied or

reproduced in whole or in part by any means or in any way
whatsoever without the specific written permission of the
author.

This publication is free. It is supplied from this website:

www.thecoldreadingconnection.com

The author’s personal website is:

www.ianrowland.com

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Contents
Statement Of Values 8

Introduction 10

Two Questions And A Story 11

The Persuasion Business 12

How Can We Be Persuasive? 14

ELF and PEG 15

PEG Theory 18

Persuasive Impossibility 19

How Can We Be Happy? 25

A Story 32

The End: A Point Of View 39

The Cold Reading Connection 41

References 44

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Statement Of Values
This publication is supplied primarily from:
www.thecoldreadingconnection.com

Cold reading is sometimes used to give personal readings

with a psychic, psychological or mentalist flavour. In this
context, I only promote cold reading which is:

· positive, responsible and benign

· intended to help people to make sense of their life, as

well as providing entertainment

· intended to help people to feel relaxed and confident

about themselves, their potential, their relationships
and their future

Cold reading can also be used in other contexts, such as sales,

management and therapy. I call this Applied Cold Reading, or
ACR for short. When I teach ACR, I say its purpose is to:

· promote good communication, rapport and

understanding

· ensure that each conversation results in a positive

emotional gain for both parties

These are my values, and the values promoted via The Cold
Reading Connection.

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9
Introduction
Matt Kendall runs a meet-up group called ‘Interesting Talks —
London’. In October 2011 he couldn’t find any good speakers
to give a talk, so he asked me to step in.

I gave the talk at The Comedy Pub in London. For readers

outside London, I should explain that the three most
prestigious venues in the city are, in ascending order, the O2
Arena, Wembley Arena, and The Comedy Pub.

This document is not meant to be a transcript of the talk I

gave. It is a stand-alone document that covers a lot of the same
material. Some parts that were in the talk are not in this
document and vice-versa.

I have also taken the opportunity to include some references

and suggestions for further reading that I couldn’t include
during the live event.

About Me
I am a writer, entertainer and trainer. I’m based near London
but I run off and have adventures all over the world whenever
possible.

That’s all you need to know because this talk isn’t about me.
It’s about the fact that life is interesting, people are interesting
and the world is interesting. It’s also about the fact that the
world is full of joyful things to do.

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How The Talk Was Originally Advertised
This is how the talk was advertised on the ‘Interesting Talks —
London’ meet-up group website.

‘This talk is about cool and interesting aspects of your mind.

You’ll learn how to be psychic and how to persuade anyone to
do anything you want (almost). In addition, Ian will perform
one or two inexplicable mind miracles, to give you something
to talk about the next day. You’ll laugh, you’ll be amazed,
you’ll learn how your mind works (or sometimes doesn’t) and
you’ll also learn about success, wealth and happiness.

Ian Rowland was hired to teach persuasion skills to FBI

agents. The Ministry of Defence asked him to teach recruiters
how to spot terrorists at job interviews. The British Olympics
Team turned to him for help getting maximum performance
from their athletes. What else? Well, he taught Derren Brown
the art of ‘cold reading’ (how to look psychic when you’re not)
before Derren became famous, and he has trained the sales
teams of many top companies. He’s also a member of the
Inner Magic Circle, and used to perform sketches with his
friend Eddie Izzard. In short, he is an entertainer, writer and
trainer whose work has taken him around the world. He’s also
very funny, if that helps.’

Thanks
Thanks to Matt for running the group and organising the talk.

Thanks to everyone who turned up for staying to the end and

clapping when they realised, joyfully, that I was finally going
to stop talking.

Thanks to my friends John Morgan and James Tripp for giving

earlier talks in the same series that were better than mine, and
for telling Matt about me.

- Ian Rowland, London, 2011

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Two Questions And A Story
[ At the start of the talk, I performed a small miracle to prove
that anything is possible. I do this a lot. To save time, I haven’t
provided a description of the miracle here. Just trust me when
I tell you it was awesome, unique and very impressive. — IR ]

These events are called ‘Interesting Talks’. I’m okay with the
second part. I will definitely be talking.

It’s the first part that I have problems with. I think it creates
high expectations that could be hard to live up to. Maybe Matt
[‘Interesting Talks’ organiser] could set the bar a little lower.
Perhaps he could call these things ‘Rambling on a bit in the
pub’, or ‘One way to pass the time if there’s nothing much on
TV’.

But no, Matt calls them ‘Interesting Talks’. So I had to think,

what can I share with you that would be interesting? And I
came up with two interesting questions, and what I hope is an
interesting story.

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The Persuasion Business
The first interesting question I’d like to share with you is this:
how does persuasion work?

My first job was in creative media. I worked at a place that had

a graphic design studio, a sound studio and video production
facilities. We could create more or less anything.

The job offered plenty of variety. Companies came to us for

many different reasons, mostly to do with selling, marketing
and training. They might want a new sales brochure, an
advertising jingle or a series of training videos. We had clients
from every market and industry you can think of, from finance
to pharmaceuticals, from bakeries to heavy engineering. We
had small local businesses, national chains and huge
multinationals.

Although in one sense there was plenty of variety, in another

sense every project I handled was the same. It was always
about how to get a message from one mind to another, and
how to do it persuasively.

That’s the business I was in: the persuasion business.

I worked in this field for many years and over countless

projects, lurching clumsily and haphazardly from one stage in
my career to the next. Sorry, I mean, ‘…as I achieved a series
of shrewd and carefully planned strategic career moves
towards my personal and professional goals.’

Eventually, I realised something...

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All Of Us, All The Time
As the years went by, I realised that I wasn’t the only one in
the persuasion business. The fact is, we are all in the
persuasion business, all the time, whether we realise it or not.
Perhaps you don’t think this applies to you? Well, let’s see.

Ever been on a first date? Ever been for an interview to get a

job, or to get a better job? Ever tried to get a teenager to tidy
up his room, or to be back by midnight? Ever tried to get the
delivery man to actually call when you’re in, as opposed to
when you’re out?

You can see what I mean. We are all in the persuasion

business, all the time. And most of us would like to be a bit
more successful at it.

So, what actually works?

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How Can We Be Persuasive?
Persuasion is a big subject, and in the time I have this evening
I can’t go into a huge amount of detail. Let’s start with a few
simple points.

We know that if you want to be persuasive, short and simple

messages are good. Devising the right short and simple
message isn’t easy. You have to pay a lot of people a lot of
money to end up with ‘Coke adds life’.

We also know it’s important for the message to be memorable.

You have to find ways to make it sticky. One good way is to
use rhyme. In fact, I can use rhyme to take over your minds.
Tomorrow is Friday. I can make a thought pass through your
head as soon as anyone mentions the word ‘Friday’:

‘Friday is my favourite time

To think about this stupid rhyme.’

The thing is, you can’t forget this even if you want to.

‘Friday is my favourite time

To think about this stupid rhyme.’

Annoying, isn’t it? And the more I say it, the more sticky and
annoying it becomes.

‘Friday is my favourite time

To think about this stupid rhyme.’

By all means try really hard not to remember this annoying

rhyme. See what happens. I could mention several other
persuasion basics — using the right vocabulary / the
importance of a smile / the role of colours and emotive
imagery / using ‘yes’ questions… and so on.

However, there are two factors that matter more than all the
rest.

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ELF and PEG
The two words you need to remember are ELF and PEG. [ I
know these are acronyms, but in a live talk it’s easier to say
‘words’. — IR ]

Let’s look at them one at a time.

ELF stands for ‘Emotions Lead Facts’. In other words,

emotions count far more than reasoning and rational
arguments.

People can be rational when they have to be, such as when

compiling a tax return or trying to figure out how to program
the DVD. However, although people can be rational when
they have to be, they experience life emotionally, and it’s the
emotions that matter most.

You may think your views and opinions are based on sound
reasoning. In fact, most of us first decide what we want to be
true, and then we get very selective. When we notice a bit of
evidence that happens to support our opinion, we collect it.
When we notice a bit of evidence that contradicts our opinion,
we ignore it or assume it’s flawed and discredited.

This is also true of people who pride themselves on being very

rational. They may do it less obviously and less often, but they
still have their ELF quirks, just like everyone else.

Emotions drive opinions, and a lot of the time ‘reasons’ are

just self-serving wrapping paper. If you want to be persuasive,
you have to understand this and work with, or appeal to,
people’s emotions, rather than their rational and intellectual
faculties.

So that’s ELF: Emotions Lead Facts.

The next word I want to share with you is PEG. It stands for
‘Perceived Emotional Gain’. To see what it’s all about, we need
to delve into the murky and fascinating world of motivational
theory.

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Motivational Theory In Two Minutes
Motivational theory is all about why we make the choices we
do.

There are many models and theories of motivation. Some of

you may have heard of ‘Maslow’s hierarchy of needs’, and if
not you can look it up online. This is one good model of
human motivation, but there are many others. Here’s a very
simplified summary.

Inside your skull is a squidgy grey cauliflower weighing 2 or 3

pounds. This is your brain. We have a handy label for the
activity of the brain: we call it your ‘mind’. Your mind doesn’t
just exist — it is purposeful. It acts as if it’s programmed to do
certain things and pursue certain goals.

First of all, your mind is trying to survive.

Assuming it manages to survive, it’s trying to be safe and feel

comfortable. Some of this is taken care of consciously, some of
it unconsciously.

Your mind also wants to reproduce. Not all the time, of

course… I mean not right now, although you never know.
Those two over there are looking pretty darned friendly from
where I’m standing. [ This was a joke— IR ]

Your mind also wants to belong to a family, tribe or society. It

wants to belong to groups based on shared interests, such as a
particular sports team, or shared activities, such as scuba-
diving, playing chess or eating cake. (Not necessarily all at the
same time.)

Your mind also wants status, respect and recognition. And on

top of all that, when time allows, it wants a little bit of
pleasure, leisure and fun.

Your mind is constantly seeking all of these things that I’ve

mentioned. What has this got to do with persuasion?
Everything…

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PEG Theory
I’ve mentioned several things that your mind is trying to
achieve all the time. It never stops. Your mind regards any
step towards one of these goals as a Perceived Emotional Gain
(or PEG for short).

When you present your message to someone — a message that

you hope will be persuasive — you are making an offer.

If you do not offer a perceived emotional gain, then you will

not be persuasive. (In fact, you cannot be. It is impossible for a
human being to knowingly choose options that do not
constitute a perceived emotional gain.)

If you do offer a perceived emotional gain, it’s possible and

likely that you will be persuasive. It’s not guaranteed, because
people are complex and weird and persuasion is never an
exact science. But at least you stand a chance.

For example, if you are selling a car, you have to first of all
figure out what the person you are dealing with will regard as
a PEG. One customer may want to feel it’s a very safe car,
another just wants it to be fast and powerful. One wants to
know it will be economical to run, another just wants
confirmation that it’s the same car that his sporting hero
drives.

It’s a case of tuning in to the mind you are dealing with, and
seeing which PEG, which perceived emotional gain, it is
looking for and will respond to. Get it right, and you will
usually succeed. Get it wrong, and you never will.

By the way, notice that I say perceived emotional gain. This is

all that matters. The emotional gain might not be real. Many
people buy things that don’t actually work. Women buy
cosmetics that don’t actually make them look younger. Men
buy aftershave that doesn’t actually make them irresistible to
women. However, so long as the product offers the customer a
PEG, he or she will often buy it.

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Persuasion Summary
So, summing up… if you want to be persuasive, remember
that emotions matter more than reasons, and that you have to
offer a perceived emotional gain. ELF and PEG will get you a
long way in the persuasion business.

Of course, this is necessarily a very short and superficial

discussion of what is a vast and very interesting subject. See
the notes at the end of this document for further details.

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Persuasive Impossibility
After many years in the persuasion business, I developed an
interest in a very special kind of persuasion: persuasion in the
realm of the impossible.

If I am trying to sell you a car, it is at least possible that the car

is a pretty good car. But how do you persuade someone to
believe something that isn’t true, and isn’t even possible?

I’m a member of the Inner Magic Circle. I’ve performed as a

magician and mind-reader all over the world. I’m not famous
or anything, but I’ve had a lot of fun entertaining audiences
large and small everywhere from Los Angeles to Sydney, and
I’ve even been on TV a few times.

As a magician, I know how to persuade your mind to accept

an impossible conclusion, like the little demonstration I used
at the start of this talk. This is what magicians do. We play
with your mind and make it reach the wrong conclusion.

However, magicians do what they do in a theatrical context.

You see a performance on a stage, and you know it’s not real-
life. When you see an actor ‘die’ on stage, you know it’s just
stage blood and not a real death.

What about deceptive impossibility outside of a theatrical

context? How does that work? One very good and
widespread example would be psychic readings.

Psychic Readings: Why?

All of you have either been for a psychic reading or you know
someone who has. Some psychics read tarot cards or palms.
Some offer astrological or clairvoyant readings, while others
say they can relay messages from the dead. (Reading tea
leaves was very popular at one time. You don’t see it much
these days due to the emergence of that great dark nemesis of
psychic powers: the teabag.)

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The psychic industry is one of the oldest in the world. In one
form or another, it is found in every society, all over the world,
throughout history.

It’s also one of the most profitable industries. Let’s put it this
way: it’s more profitable than oil. To make money from oil,
you have to find it, drill it, refine it, distribute it and sell it. To
make money from readings… you just talk to people and they
give you money.

So, how does persuasion work in this context?

It’s clearly not based on an appeal to reason. There’s no

scientific evidence for psychic powers, as the sceptics never
tire of telling us. Then again, not everything is a scientific
question. There’s no scientific evidence I ate some broccoli last
Tuesday, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a real phenomenon.

However, even setting aside the science issue, common sense

tells you that a few tarot cards — some pretty pictures printed
on card stock — can’t have any specific connection to you or
events in your life.

So why do people pay for readings? You already know the

answer. It’s because readings offer a PEG, a perceived
emotional gain.

We all get frustrated sometimes by the fact that we can’t see

the future. It’s nice to think someone can see some of what the
future holds. It’s even nicer when they say, as they always do,
that the signs are generally positive.

Some people go to see psychics because they’re looking for

hope, comfort and reassurance of a kind they can’t obtain any
other way. Some people just go for fun. It’s a pleasant, relaxing
experience where you get told that you’re basically a good
person and your future’s going to be mostly okay. Many
people happen to think that’s worth paying to hear.

Okay, so that’s the ‘why’. Now let’s look at the ‘how’.

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Psychic Readings: How?
How do psychic readings work?

It’s a big subject and I can’t cover it in detail, but let’s take an
example. Let’s say John [ someone called John happened to be
in the front row — IR ] goes to see a psychic and says, ‘She
told me all sorts of things that she couldn’t possibly have
known. For example, she knew that my brother moved to
New York last year, and I got a call from him yesterday!’

It sounds impressive. However, if you could go back and be a

fly on the wall at that reading, you would see that’s not quite
what happened.

The psychic says something like, ‘I’m seeing a connection with

overseas, I’m getting the letter A for some reason, can you
understand this connection?’

Let’s consider this. Many countries contain the letter A, and

two very big ones start with it: America and Australia. The
psychic hasn’t said whether this connection is past, present or
future. She hasn’t said whether it’s personal, social or
professional. She hasn’t said whether it pertains to real events
or just dreams. The ‘connection’ could in fact be anything at
all.

Here’s the point: the psychic provides the statement, but the
client provides the significance. In this example, John might
say, ‘Well, my brother moved to America last year, to New
York, could that be it?’

The psychic says, ‘Yes, that’s what I’m sensing, a family

connection with New York. I’m also seeing communication —
maybe quite recently?’

What does ‘communication’ mean? It could cover dozens of

different possibilities. Once again, the psychic has offered a
statement, but the client provides the significance.

‘Well,’ says John, ‘as it happens he phoned yesterday’.

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The psychic says, ‘Yes, that’s what I was sensing, a recent call
from him.’

It can all feel very convincing. After the reading, John will talk
about it in a way that makes it sound far more impressive than
it really was at the time.

This process can never fail. If John can’t find any connection,
of any kind, with any country containing the letter ‘A’, the
psychic just says, ‘Well, if that doesn’t mean anything to you
now, it will do soon… will you look out for that? It’s going to
be quite a promising opportunity.’

This process is called cold reading and this is just one quick
example. There is a lot more to it! See the notes at the end of
this document.

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A Digression On Conflict
Having mentioned psychics and readings, I want to digress for
a moment.

There are many believers who are certain that psychic powers
do exist.

There are many sceptics who are certain that psychic powers
do not exist — or at least we don’t have any credible evidence.
Sceptics even have their own magazines, societies and
conferences. I’ve been to several and performed at a few. I
even went to Italy to perform at the World Sceptics Congress
— yes, there really is such a thing!

These arguments about whether psychic powers are real or

not have been going on for a long time. They never achieve
anything and never will.

Here’s the truth. I can give it to you in eleven words: psychic

powers are as real as you want them to be.

When we’re talking about psychic powers, we’re not talking

about something like a glass of water — something that either
does or doesn’t exist. We’re talking about something that is a
reality in terms of someone’s emotional perception.

If you want or need psychic powers to be real, they are real for
you. If you don’t, then they aren’t. That’s all there is to it.

The same goes for many other things in life: the brilliance of
Manchester United, the merits of drinking beer, the
desirability of buying clothing from a particular designer. All
these things are as real as you want them to be.

It’s the same with your relationship with a god of some

description. If you want or need him to be real, he’s perfectly
real to you. To the rest of us, not so much.

It would be great if we could all just learn these words: it’s as

real as you want it to be.

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Then we can all be friends, we can all love one another (which
is more important than anything else), get on with our lives,
learn from one another, help one another and stop re-hashing
the same old arguments.

When I look at the world around me, I honestly don’t feel we

need more conflict. I think we need more people to relax,
smile, shake hands and say, ‘Well, I guess it’s as real as you
want it to be. Let’s just leave it at that.’

(By the way, if there is a god, I believe he has a plan for me.
It’s a plan that involves travelling the world and enjoying
every second of it.)

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How Can We Be Happy?
Earlier on, I said that in very simple terms our minds are
always seeking various kinds of perceived emotional gain —
the need to belong, to feel safe, respected and so on.

Putting it in very simple terms, we’re all trying to be happy.

The obvious question is: how come we aren’t very good at it?

Why does happiness seem so hard to achieve? Why do we

spend billions every year on sedatives and anti-depressants?
Why is there no such thing as an out-of-work therapist? Why
does every guru gets swamped with people asking how to
understand life and achieve happiness?

The answer lies in the difference between two different kinds

of happiness, and in the patterns that play in our minds.

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Short Happy, Long Happy
There are two kinds of happy: short-term and long-term.

Short-term happy is what our bodies and minds can perceive

very easily. If I’m enjoying a fine Zinfandel, listening to
Sinatra singing Cole Porter, while my partner treats me to a
massage, I’m pretty sure I’m happy.

It’s also easy to plan for. If this is what I’ve got planned for
tomorrow evening, then I’m reasonably sure I’ll be happy
tomorrow evening.

Long-term happy is harder to perceive. Our senses aren’t

wired up to work on that timescale. Were you happy last year?
The question doesn’t even seem to make sense. You could only
say you were happy on some occasions more than others. As
we can’t readily perceive long-term happy, it’s also harder to
plan for.

Just to make things even more complicated, the world we live

in is really good at short-term happy because lots of people
have found ways to make money out of it. This is why we all
have a million entertainment options these days: pubs, clubs,
cinemas, theatres, restaurants and so on. We’ve all got a
hundred TV channels to ignore and we can carry every song
we know in a small box made of metal, silicon and magic.
That’s the entire history of mankind: from Eve with an apple
core to Steve with an Apple Corp.

Our amazing high-tech world is all about infinite choice and

instant gratification, and there’s money to be made catering to
this demand.

It’s harder to make money out of long-term happy, so there’s a

lot less emphasis on it. You never hear this sales pitch: ‘Sign
up to our entertainment service and you can watch any movie
you like, five years from now.’ Doesn’t really work, does it?

So that’s one part of why many people aren’t very happy: they
get distracted by short-term happy, and neglect the long-term.
There’s another good reason, and it’s about bad patterns...

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Patterns In The Mind
Your mind is constantly striving to be happy. To this end, it
runs what some people would call strategies but I just call
them patterns.

Your mind acquires patterns from many sources. Some can be

regarded as innate. You get other patterns from your parents,
authority figures, family, peer group and from your own
experience — both indirect (friends and the media) and direct.

Some patterns work very well. If you have a pattern that says
eat a well-balanced, nutritious diet, with the occasional
indulgence but not too much, and take regular exercise, you’re
probably going to be quite fit and healthy.

If you have a pattern that says avoid exercise, because it’s

boring and doesn’t feel nice, and eat junk food because it’s
quick, easy and tasty, then you will gradually diverge from
the words ‘fit’ and ‘healthy’, and will probably speed up your
divergence from the word ‘alive’.

The Patterns You See

I find that seeing and understanding people in this way is very
useful.

It’s quite common to hear people say, ‘So-and-so treated me

really badly.’ No, they didn’t. The person they are
complaining about did not get up one morning and think, ‘I’ll
go and treat someone badly today.’

The person they are complaining about is in the same boat as

the rest of us. They are trying to be happy, and running the
best patterns they have available. If they don’t seem to have
very good patterns, well, have some sympathy for them. Who
knows — maybe you can help them to find better ones?

When you see someone angry — what’s going on? You are
seeing a mind that is trying to be happy, but it has tried all the
patterns it knows and none of them have worked so it resorts
to making a noise.

28
An infant child can’t feed itself, so it makes a loud noise and
its mother comes along and feeds it. When we grow up, we
learn to do lots of things for ourselves. We learn some patterns
for getting what we want. If a mind runs all the patterns it
knows, and nothing seems to work, it resorts to a very early
one: it makes a loud noise. That’s what anger is — the sound
of someone running out of patterns to try.

29
The Patterns You Use
I think it’s also useful to apply this way of looking at things to
yourself.

There are times when it’s useful to stop and ask yourself,
‘What patterns am I running? Are they good ones? Where did
I get them? Whom did I get them from? Do they work? Could
I use better ones?’

Another good question to ask is, ‘The person I got this pattern
from… did they give it to me because it’s in my interests, or
theirs?’

If you reach for a cigarette, what pattern are you running?

Where did you get it from? Does it really work? Is it a good
one? Is it a pattern that serves your interests, or those of a
tobacco company executive with a big house?

If you repeatedly form relationships with someone who hurts

and abuses you, what pattern are you running? Where did
you learn it? Does it work?

If you stick with a job that leaves you weary and frustrated,
what pattern are you running? Why? Whom did you get it
from? Does it work? Is this pattern good for you, or good for
the people who profit from your talents but seem to have scant
regard for them?

We all run lots of different patterns every day. Some of them

will be good ones that work. See if you can improve them,
make them work even better. Some of them will be bad ones
that don’t work. Fix them or ditch them.

Of course, the ‘fixing’ part is difficult. Changing behaviour is

something many of us find difficult. There are people who can
help you with that, such as my friend James Tripp, but it’s a
separate subject. See the notes at the end of this document for
further details.

30
Happy Endings
We’ve looked at a few different aspects of happiness, and
some of the reasons why people find it hard to achieve
happiness. So, what’s the answer? How can we be happy?

I can’t give you the answer. I’m not that wise or enlightened.
However, I can share with you an answer. The best one I
know of, and here it is:

If you act to fulfil your potential, life feels good.

(And if you don’t, then it doesn’t.)

I say ‘act’, because taking action is important. I know a lot of

people who have something they’d like to do or try. They
think about it, talk about it, buy books about it, ask about it
online, dream about it, wonder about it, write out ‘To do’
lists… the only thing they never do is take action and do it.

I also refer to ‘fulfilling your potential’.

You do not get to choose what your potential is. Mozart was
writing symphonies at the age of eight. We can’t all do that.

You do get to choose how much of your potential you fulfil.

That’s down to you.

31
Four Types Of Potential
You can think of your potential in many ways. Here are four
that I think matter a lot.

· Your potential to develop whatever talents you have

· Your potential to help others fulfil their potential

· Your potential to give and receive love

· Your potential to experience joy

The ‘joy’ can be the joy of laughter shared with friends, raising
children, making love, making tea, watching Fawlty Towers,
seeing a great sunset, or slamming the door in the face of a
Tory MP.

So, that’s the best answer I can share with you:

· Respect the difference between short-term and long-

term happiness

· Focus on the long-term, and run patterns so you act to

fulfil your potential

Perhaps one day you will be kind enough to share your best
answer with me. I’d like that. We might both learn something.

32
A Story
I said this talk was about two interesting questions and a
story.

The first interesting question was how to be persuasive.

The second was how to be happy.

That just leaves the story. To tell the story, I have to talk a little
bit about myself. I know when I say that, all the women in the
audience will experience a moment of shock and disbelief…
‘No, really? A man who wants to talk about himself? I don’t
believe it, that never happens! I expect they’ll be covering this
on the news when we get home.’

33
Story Part 1: Living The Sleep
See if you can spot a pattern here.

When I was young, they said, ‘There are some very important
exams you have to take when you’re 16. If you pass them,
that’s okay. But if you don’t, you’re a failure.’

Being a failure didn’t sound great, so I tried to pass these

exams. This wasn’t easy because I’m not intellectually strong.
I’m not playing the false modesty card — it’s just true. So I did
a stupid amount of homework and burned lots of useless stuff
into my head, and I passed the exams.

After I’d passed them, I thought maybe I could feel good

about myself. But they said, ‘No! There are some other
important exams you take when you’re 18. If you pass them,
that’s okay. But if you don’t, you’re a failure.’

Being a failure didn’t sound great, so I spent another million

hours learning more amazingly useless stuff and I passed the
exams.

I thought maybe I could feel good about myself. But they said,
‘No! There’s this thing called a degree, and it’s important that
you get one. If you can get a degree, that’s okay. But if you
don’t, you’re a failure.’

This was back in the day when the taxpayer paid for it, so I
went to Sheffield University and I did a degree. It was a very
embarrassing degree. I don’t really want to mention it, but in
the interests of humility and full disclosure, I will tell you. It
was a degree in English Literature and Philosophy.

You might not be aware of how utterly useless that is, so I will
tell you. When this talk is over, go to the bins outside a burger
bar. Put your hand in and pull out something at random.
Whatever you have in your hand will be worth more than an
honours degree in English Literature and Philosophy.

So I got my degree, largely because it was the sort of degree

where you’d have to work hard not to get it.

34
I thought maybe I could feel good about myself. But they said,
‘No! What matters is whether you can get a job. If you can get
a job, that’s okay. But if you can’t, you’re a failure.’

So I got a job. Then they said, ‘Ah, but what matters is whether
you can get a better job. One that pays you more money so
you can buy more stuff!’

And I said, ‘What stuff? I’m okay, I don’t need more stuff.’

They said, ‘You don’t understand! You’ve got to get a better

job to earn more money to buy more stuff! Don’t argue! If you
can get a better job, that’s okay. But if you can’t, you’re a
failure.’

So I got a better job.

I thought maybe I could feel good about myself. But they said,
‘No! What matters is, can you get into management? Because
if you can, that’s okay. But if you can’t, you’re a failure.’

So I got into management.

Then they said, ‘Ah! But what matters is, can you get into
senior management? Because if you can, that’s okay. But if you
can’t, you’re a failure.’

So I got into senior management. I was the UK Head of Sales

& Marketing for a big, multinational internet technologies
company.

Then, in 1997, something happened. I realised I’d been told I

was living the dream, but I was actually living the sleep.

So I WOKE UP.

35
Story Part 2: What Are You Going To Do?
I realised that I wasn’t happy. I realised that I didn’t want to
go into the Monday management meeting and the Wednesday
planning meeting and the Friday team meeting. I wanted to
live my life for me instead of following other people’s ideas
about how I should spend my time.

So I just walked out. I said, ‘I’ve had enough. It’s boring and I
want more than this to look back on.’

People said, ‘Is this a mid-life crisis?’

I was 36. I said, ‘No, it’s called waking up.’

People said, ‘What are you going to do?’

I said, ‘I’ve no idea, but it has to be more interesting than this.’

People said, ‘How will you survive?’

I looked around the office and I said, ‘Do you call this
surviving? This isn’t surviving. It’s existing. Anyway, I don’t
want to survive. I want to live.’

People said, ‘Oh, it’s very brave — leaving the big salary, the
car, the perks.’

I said, ‘The brave people are the ones who can look ahead and
see more of the same — the commuting, the meetings, the
spreadsheets, the wretched company parties — and go
forward into that tunnel. I can’t do that. It’s just too scary to
think that’s all I’ll have to look back on.’

So I left my job and I went on an adventure called ‘Seeing

what happens next’. It’s a great adventure, I’m still on it and I
love every minute of it.

36
Story Part 3: One Thing I Did
One thing I did was write a book on cold reading. I wrote it for
my own interest, and just because I wanted to.

I offered it to publishers and in their infinite wisdom they said

no, there’s no market for it, there’s no point, you’re wasting
your time, don’t bother.

By rejecting me they did me a wonderful favour. I published

the book myself and learned how to sell it online. So far I’ve
sold over 40,000 copies to customers in 60 countries, and it just
keeps selling and selling.

I figured out how to run the business without spending a

penny on marketing or advertising of any kind, saving myself
a fortune. Since I publish and sell the book myself, all the
money comes to me instead of other people. Yay!

It’s an online business, almost fully automated, so there’s

virtually nothing for me to do. This means that 24 hours a day,
7 days a week, I can just sit and watch money pour into my
bank account. It’s quite likely I’ll never have to work again.

There’s an interesting twist to this story. Remember I

mentioned the importance of taking action? Last year I
prepared a small booklet. It explained how I built my online
business and showed the reader how to do the same and make
money online.

As an experiment, I gave this to about forty people around the

world from many varied backgrounds, just to see what would
happen. All of them read it and liked it. None of them put it
into practice. They are all great people and they all had their
reasons, of course — but it does make you think!

37
Story Part 4: Other Things I’ve Done
What else have I done apart from create a cash cow for life?

I love travelling, which is why I’ve included a few photos from

around the world in this document (all taken by me). I’ve seen
the sun rise over Ayer’s Rock, and the incredible Kilauea
Caldera in Hawaii. I’ve seen the stone city of Petra and visited
the giant Komodo dragons of Indonesia. I’ve been to the top of
the Petronas Towers, and seen the depths of the amazing
Postojna Caves in Slovenia.

I’ve taken a hot-air balloon ride at dawn over the mountains of

Cappadocia in Turkey, one of the strangest landscapes on
Earth. I’ve stood on a glacier at 5000 feet in Milford Sound in
New Zealand, looking out over scenery so stunning the mind
can’t take it in.

I’ve seen the Cathedral on Spilled Blood in St. Petersburg and

the Kiyomitzu temple of Kyoto — built from wood but
without using nails or tools. I’ve seen the awesome Hagia
Sophia, and stood next to the full-size Saturn V rocket at
Kennedy Space Centre. I’ve climbed the Leaning Tower of
Pisa, been in a jail cell in Alcatraz, flown a helicopter over
Sydney harbour and been to Vienna to see my favourite
painting, Breughel’s ‘Return of The Hunters’.

I’ve met scores of fascinating people. Some of them are

famous, and I could drop a few names but I won’t. Some of
them aren’t famous, but they are wonderful and incredible
people all the same.

There has been a lot of love in my life, because the world is full
of amazing and delightful women, all with this fascinating gift
of being able to think in extraordinary ways that we men just
can’t even begin to imagine. I am lucky enough to have found
my soul mate and the love of my life, and I’m pleased to say
we’re very happy together.

Most of all, I’ve had fun. I’ve lectured by invitation at both

Oxford and Cambridge. I’ve performed just about
everywhere, including places where they don’t normally have
performers, such as the Times Literary Festival.

38
I was hired by the FBI to teach their agents. I was an advisor to
the Ministry of Defence and I am an advisor to the sports
psychologists of the British Olympics team.

I’ve done all these things just by waking up.

If you went on a similar adventure, you wouldn’t do the same

things or go down the same paths as me. But I expect you
would have just as much fun.

39
The End: A Point Of View
To end, I don’t want to offer advice. You haven’t asked me for
advice and it’s not my place to give it. Instead, I want to share
a point of view.

No matter how well you look after yourself, there will come a
day when either your mind or your body will start to let you
down. That’s when some options start to be taken away from
you… and they never come back. That’s when you start to
realise all the things you wanted to do but never did, and now
you never will.

So here’s my point of view.

If there are things you want to do, do them.

If there are places you want to see, go and see them.

If there are people you want to meet, go and meet them.

If there are experiences you want to have, have them.

If there are things you want to try, try them. See what
happens. The alternative is that you’ll spend the rest of your
life wondering ‘What if…?’ Everything you try will either be a
success or a learning experience, and learning is great.

Do these things while you can, because life is very short

indeed and soon it will be too late.

Do these things because you’re great, and you deserve to have

a great life.

Understand that when you act to fulfil your potential, you will
always feel good, and if you do anything else then you never
will.

Most of all, love yourself, love other people and love life.

40
I also suggest you live as if anything is possible. I don’t know
if that’s actually true, but I know it makes life one hell of a lot
more fun.

Thank you. I hope it’s been interesting.

[ To end my talk, I said I’d do one more thing to show that

anything is possible. I proceeded to perform another small
miracle, which I won’t describe here because it’s just too good
to give away. But if you ever book me to give a talk, you’ll see
it for yourself! — IR ]

41
The Cold Reading Connection
The main idea behind The Cold Reading Connection is simply
that final word in the name: connection.

I want to help people with an interest in cold reading and

related fields to be able to connect with one another.

I want to explore how cold reading connects with a range of

other subjects, such as communication skills, persuasion,
counselling and entertainment.

I also want to explore how cold reading, in many ways,

connects with people’s personal, social and professional lives.

I hope that you will sign up for the website Newsletter. I know
that you are wary about signing up for things, but I won’t
send you any spam or pass your details to anyone else. The
Newsletter is my way to:

· give you a lot of free information about cold reading

and related subjects

· let you know about genuine discount offers from other

people that are worth knowing about

· help you to connect with one another

It’s true that I sometimes also tell you about new items I’m
offering for sale, and I’m not trying to hide the fact. But this is
only one, small part of what the Newsletter is all about.

42
Your Comments Are Welcome
This is a living document. I hope it will grow, develop and
evolve over time.

I welcome your comments. If there are other things you think I

should include, or if you have notes or corrections for me, I
would love to hear from you.

Please tell other people about this booklet, and encourage

them to visit www.thecoldreadingconnection.com and
download it for themselves.

Smiles and magic…

— Ian Rowland

ian@ianrowland.com

43
References

Interesting Talks
See www.interestingtalks.co.uk or
www.meetup.com/interesting-talks-london

Persuasion
‘Changing Minds’ by David Straker. The best book ever
written on all aspects of persuasion. See
www.changingminds.org .

‘Irrationality’ by Stuart Sutherland. A classic book, fun to read.

‘Influence: science and practice’ by Robert Cialdini. Regarded

by many as the standard ‘go to’ book on the subject.

‘Resistance and Persuasion’, edited by Knowles & Linn.

Excellent overview of academic research containing many
hidden gems.

Understanding People
‘Improv’ by Keith Johnstone. Though it was written for actors,
it’s a great book that provides wonderful insights into people
and communication.

‘Passages’ by Gail Sheehy. A guide to ‘the predictable crises of

adult life’.

‘The Developing Mind’ by Daniel J. Siegel. ‘How relationships

and the brain interact to shape who we are’.

44
Inspiration
‘Illusions’ by Richard Bach. This book changed my life.

‘The Battersea Park Road To Paradise’ by Isabel Losada. A

wonderful, funny account of the search for enlightenment.

Bringing About Positive Changes In Your Life

I myself am not a therapist and I don’t deal in ‘change work’.
If this is what interests you, I can recommend three people.

James Tripp. www.jamestripp.co.uk

John Morgan. www.jpmorganjr.com

Gemma Bailey. www.peoplebuilding.co.uk

Cold Reading
My book on cold reading is available from
www.thecoldreadingconnection.com .

Other books on the subject are available. They just aren’t as

good as mine. Alternatively, just tap ‘cold reading’ into
Google. You’ll find plenty of information.

Talks And Lectures

I’m always interested in speaking opportunities, especially if
they involve visiting new parts of the world. I look forward to
hearing from you!

45
Photos
4 Easter Island, Chile at sunset on Christmas Day
Kinkaku-ji, ‘Temple of the Golden Pavilion’, Kyoto, Japan
Venice, Italy

7 Jenolan Caves, Australia

9 Batu Caves, near Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

Ayers Rock, Australia
Joshua Tree National Park, USA

12 Crazannes at dawn, France

14 Spitzingzee, Germany

19 Iguazu Falls, Argentina

Bee, Penshurst Place, UK

23 ‘Mosque, wings and moon’, Istanbul, Turkey

25 Hagia Sophia, Istanbul, Turkey

Balloons over Cappadocia at dawn, Turkey

26 Bridgnorth, UK

29 Milford Sound, New Zealand

Lava flow seen from 50 metres above in an ‘open door’
helicopter, Hawaii, USA

33 Petronas Towers, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

39 Milford Sound, New Zealand

‘Wailing Wall’, Jerusalem, Israel

41 Scott Monument, Edinburgh, Scotland

43 Lake on Christmas morning near Ljubljana, Slovenia

46