Report writing

SCQR format (Situation, Complication, Question, Recommendation)

Formal reports should start with an SCQ (Situation, Complication, Question).

Example:
XYZ Ltd has recently doubled its employee strength from 50 to 600 in the last two years
(situation). As a result of this expansion the original founders have found it difficult having face to
face communications with the new employees and they are concerned that short term sales driven
decisions are being taken that are not in line with the ethical values of the company
(complication). XYZ has requested Stillwater Consulting to provide recommendations regarding
how the values of the company can be defined clearly, communicated effectively through the
organization, as well as how the adherence to these values can be measured and evaluated
(question).

The SCQ is to provide a summary of the brief that was provided to the consultants. Its purpose is to
demonstrate a succinct understanding of the brief and also to start from ‘common ground’ that both the
client and consultant have agreed on. The length of the SCQ can vary from a paragraph to a few pages
depending on the size of the report and the context. In emails, for an example, an SCQ could simply be
as short as ‘With respect to our conversation last evening…’

Immediately after the SCQ we have the R (Recommendation). The recommendation comes up front in
formal communication to prevent wasting time of busy clients who may just want the bottom line and
who may not want to wade through all the details.

Example:
“Our recommendation is that we adopt the following measures with respect to the culture
dissemination initiative:
1. A two day facilitated discussion for the executive committee in which the values are decided
2. Three leadership + coaching workshops for the next sixty managers (3 batches of 20)
3. An internal communication campaign to raise awareness of XYZ values
4. Measurement of progress on key metrics decided (customer retention, NPS score, etc.)
5. A two-day retreat six months later to review progress on metrics and finalize next steps
The Pyramid Principle

Clients will have questions regarding the recommendations and so the next step is to anticipate the
questions they will ask, and then to answer them. To each answer there will be further client questions and
they also need to be anticipated and answered.

This can be mapped diagrammatically using a pyramid structure with the recommendation at the top of
the pyramid and the expanding list of questions and their answers forming the rest of the pyramid below.
This diagram can then be used to structure the final written report. Please refer to the lecture slides for
examples on how to structure the questions and answers in the form of a diagram.

The diagram needs to be prepared before the writing. If the thinking is clear, the writing will be clear.

As your level of familiarity with the approach becomes internalized, you may not need to prepare
the diagram. Your thinking itself will be automatically be ‘pyramided’. Practicing writing all
reports this way for the rest of the year is therefore a great way to prepare for interviews
(especially Consulting interviews) that look to examine your ability to think analytically.

The key to clear writing is to:

1. Slot your ideas into the pyramid form
2. Test them against the rules below before you begin to write
3. If any of the rules is broken, find the flaw in your thinking.

Pyramid Rules

1. Ideas at any level must be summaries of the ideas grouped below them

o The point at the top summarizes its sections

o The point of a section summarizes the points of its paragraphs
o The point of a paragraph summarizes its sentences

2. Ideas in each grouping must be logically the same

o All steps in the same process

 Ex: If making the value chain more streamlined is the main point, sub points
might relate to - Sourcing, Manufacturing, Marketing, Distribution, Post-sales
support)

o All reasons for the same thing

 Ex: If poor customer care is the main point, sub points might relate to – High
attrition of experienced staff, poor training of new staff, change in metrics that
focus on sales rather than customer service.
 Ex: A sub point related to economic slowdown would be out of place. It would
be better placed in a section on ‘Sales slowdown’ where the sub points could
include ‘Poor customer care’ and ‘Economic slowdown’
3. Ideas in each grouping of sub points must be in logical order

o It must be clearly apparent to the reader why the first item comes before the second
item and why the second item comes before the third, etc.

o Typically, sensible orders are Time order, structural order, degree order, and logic
order
 Example of time order: Step 1; Step 2; Step 3
 Example of structural order: London office; New York office; Rio office
 Example of degree order: Most important problem; Second most important
problem; etc.
 Example of logic order: The first choice of degree for many in India is
Engineering; Engineers sometimes forget holistic thinking; There is a lack of
new ideas in products; Diversity students from non-engineering backgrounds
have improved the number of innovative products in the divisions they are in;
etc.

MECE (Mutually exclusive, Cumulatively exhaustive)

MECE.is a way of structuring your thinking and communication in a way that ensures that all the
issues have been covered (cumulatively exhaustive) and that there is no repetition (mutually
exclusive). This ensures crispness and clarity.

Example of MECE communication:

We will explore the chances of the teams competing in this year’s football world cup:
 European teams
 South American teams
 Rest of the world

Example of non MECE communication:

We will explore the chances of the teams competing in this year’s football world cup:
 European teams
 Possession football teams
 Popular teams

We can see that the MECE example will cover all the teams in the world under its categories and
that no team will be repeated under two different categories. However, in the non MECE example
there could be repetition (Spain could be regarded as a European team, possession football team,
and a popular team) and there could also be teams that are completely left out (Brazil might be a
popular possession football team that does not fit under any category).

Non MECE communication can come across as lacking in rigour because it misses important
details or rambling because it is repetitive.
Basics of formatting

o Structure your writing to mirror the same logic as your pyramid

o Too much dense text is hard to read and assimilate. Ensure there is plenty of white space between
paragraphs so that the content can ‘breathe’

o Use the structure and headings to give a ‘skimmer’ an immediate overview of what is being
discussed. Then they can ‘zoom’ into the details of the text on those parts they want more
information on. (Note the difference between the sample group reports that scored high marks and
those that scored low marks)

o Use headings, fonts, italics, indents, etc. consistently throughout your document
Appendix 2: Pyramid
 Crucial conversations

Sharing vs Judgement & Advice

Sharing is a way of communicating your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, points of views, information, etc.

The point of using the ‘sharing’ technique is to increase the chances that you will be perceived as
confident, honest, grounded, and open and reduce the chances that you will come across as arrogant or
abrasive on the one hand or tentative and sugar coated on the other.

The critical distinction in sharing is that the speaker ‘owns’ their own thoughts and experience. They
are not embarrassed for thinking or feeling what they do, nor do they imply that it is the only way to see
things and there are no other legitimate perspectives.

Usually sharing uses the words ‘I’ or ‘my’ or ‘me’, etc.

Examples of ‘sharing’
I notice, I observe
I conclude, I think
I feel, the impact on me, etc.

Judgement is when someone assume assumes that their subjective experience of something is the way
everyone sees it or the way everyone should see it. When someone reaches a judgement they are not
very open to seeing things from other perspectives. The advantage of judgement is that can lead to
decisiveness and action. The disadvantage is that it can come across as closed, arrogant, or judgemental.

Often judgement laden phrases use words like ‘You are’ or ‘it is’ or ‘it will’ or ‘it won’t’

Advice is usually any statement which includes ‘you should’ or ‘you shouldn’t’. Again it implies that
there is one right way to do something and the speaker knows what that right way is and the listener
doesn’t.

Advice is effective when both the following conditions are fulfilled:

1. the speaker actually does know more than the listener

2. when the listener acknowledges that the speaker has more knowledge.

If the above conditions are not fulfilled, then the advice given may come across as condescending or
arrogant.

Examples of Judgement vs. Feedback:

Judgement: That is a stupid idea

Sharing: I don’t think that idea will work because…

Judgement: You are a terrible listener

Sharing: I feel like you’re not listening to me
 Judgement: You don’t spend any time with me
Sharing: I would like to spend more time with you

Judgement: That was a great performance (note: judgement can be positive or negative)
Sharing: I really enjoyed your performance

Judgement: That project is going to fail

Sharing: My concern is that the clients will reject this initiative because…

Another advantage of sharing is that you can express yourself more directly and confidently because
your focus is on honesty rather than being right. If you are concerned about whether what you are
saying is right or wrong, you can second guess yourself and wonder if you should speak. But if you
focus on honestly sharing what you think and feel, you can’t be wrong because you’re not saying how
the world is, but what you’re thinking and feeling… and you can’t be wrong about that.

So for example if you make the judgemental statement ‘That project is going to fail’, you could be
proved right or wrong because you’re stating it as if that’s a fact. But if you share ‘My concern is that
the clients will reject this initiative because…’ you CAN’T be wrong because that IS your concern and
you’re simply sharing what your concern is. You can only be honest or dishonest about what you think
and feel.

Examples of Advice vs. Sharing

Advice: You should do an MBA

Sharing: I think that an MBA would be the best option for you

Advice: You shouldn’t tell your boss that you’re applying for an MBA
Sharing: I wouldn’t tell my boss that I was applying for an MBA if I were you

Sharing doesn’t presume that you have the right answer and know better than the listener like advice
does. Sharing communicates your perspective on an issue but leaves the choice for the listener to make. It
is less prescriptive.

Feedback

Feedback is a specific form of Sharing. Sharing communicates your perspective and Feedback
communicates your perspective specifically related to what you think is working or not working from a
point of view of effectiveness of somebody or something.

Example of sharing: ‘I am feeling happy’

Example of feedback: ‘I feel your presentation would have been better if it had been shorter’

The two important points to note about feedback are:

1. Feedback is neither positive, nor negative. It is neutral information

2. Feedback doesn’t aim to label a person or thing. It is information regarding its effectiveness or
ineffectiveness in achieving its targeted results (usually about actions).
‘Your zip is open’ is an example of neutral information. The listener could get angry or embarrassed or
laugh, but the information itself is neutral. Even ‘I don’t like your shirt’ is neutral information. The
listener could get angry or embarrassed or laugh or ignore it but it is just information about how someone
else experiences the shirt. In itself it is neither good news or bad news. It could be labelled by the listener
as good news (my friend is telling me what would look good on me) or bad news (he is trying to destroy
my confidence) based on their belief systems but the information is neutral, for them to decide what to do
with.

If you think of feedback as positive or negative, then you will feel comfortable giving positive feedback
but shy away from giving what you have decided is negative feedback. Similarly, you may enjoy getting
what you call positive feedback but get angry at getting what you call negative feedback.

Our point of view is that it is most productive to simply see feedback as neutral information that the
listener can use to make decisions based on their priorities and goals. That will help us listen to feedback
with greater openness and also to give it with less trepidation.

Listening (interpretations)

Another skill of communication is how to translate what other people are saying into neutral information
that can be used for decision making. Other people may often use judgement and advice or even abuse but
that doesn’t mean we can’t use the neutral information embedded in it to create value for ourselves.

Examples of effective and ineffective interpretations

Boss: ‘This is the crappiest report I’ve ever seen. What are you? Stupid?’

Effective interpretation: ‘This report does not meet my expectations’

Effective response: ‘What needs to be changed?

Boss: ‘How many times do I have to explain before you get it?’

Effective interpretation: ‘I feel like I’ve explained the requirements before and you
didn’t listen and I’m feeling very frustrated about that’

Effective response: ‘I’m sorry boss, I’ll write it down this time and make sure I get
it corrected and back to you in the next 45 minutes’

Boss: ‘Fine, but please don’t goof up this time’

Effective interpretation: ‘I’ll forgive you if you correct it in 45 minutes’

Effective response: ‘I’ll make sure it’s exactly what you’re looking for this time’

Keeping your composure in the face of such abusive behavior is not easy and we are not recommending
you put up with it in the long term of course, but re-interpreting what people are saying in such a way that
you can hear the underlying neutral information hidden in the communication allows you to respond with
a depth and maturity to situations that other people would not be able to handle. It is a higher order
leadership skill that will allow you to bring focused effectiveness to your professional (and personal life)
and create a high degree of credibility and respect.

The question that a great communicator asks himself or herself (unconsciously once the skill has been
internalized) is ‘what is the most useful way to interpret this communication that would allow me to build
relationships and make good decisions to produce the results I’m looking to achieve’).

Questions

Asking great questions is one of the most important skills for a senior executive. The information that a
CEO receives comes through many layers of hierarchy and the CEO is often removed from ground level
data and shop floor realities. He or she will need to therefore ask questions that cut to key issues and lay
bare problems and generate solutions that are not apparent to others with more data.

Obama does not have more knowledge than his generals with respect to military strategy or a better grasp
of economics than his economic advisors. His ability to make good policy decisions that he will ultimately
be held responsible for depends on his skill in asking his advisors the right questions.

There are different types of questions:

Open questions
These are questions that could have a very wide range of possible answers. For example, ‘What do
we need to do to improve sales?’ or ‘Tell me a little about yourself’. Open ended questions are
useful in exploring issues and options at the beginning of a conversation. Often time pressed
managers rush into trying to find solutions without asking a sufficient number of open ended
questions to understand the situation comprehensively enough.

Closed ended questions

These are questions with a very narrow range of possible answers. For example, ‘How old are
you?’ or ‘How much will the project cost’ or What is the earliest date that you can commit to
completing this by?’. Closed ended questions are useful for getting specific information during the
conversation and also towards the end of a conversation when you want to move towards next
action steps and clear unambiguous agreements.

Leading questions
These are questions where the asker has already decided what the answer is that the listener should
give. It can be useful as a teaching tool to encourage students to reach a conclusion for themselves
but can be manipulative and a dominating power strategy. For example, ‘Don’t you think this is
impractical?’ really means ‘I don’t think this will work’ and ‘Do you think that your recent
performance is really up to the mark’ really means ‘I am not satisfied with your recent work’.

Direct communication is often seen as far more transparent and honest rather than manipulative
leading questions but people stay away from direct communication because they haven’t learnt the
art of giving feedback. Instead of giving feedback they often give judgement or advice and then
when that doesn’t work, they conclude feedback doesn’t work (not realizing that they weren’t
actually giving feedback) and then they end up trying leading questions instead, which are
probably even worse than judgement/ advice because in addition to coming across as
condescending, it can seem dishonest as well.
 Why questions
Why questions can be useful in getting to the root cause of a problem. However, we need to be
careful that we don’t overuse it, especially with more sensitive people because they can be
experienced by some as ‘grilling’. For example, ‘Why is the project behind schedule?’ or ‘Why
didn’t you call me when the client sent that email to you?’ may be a neutral request for information
that will help you understand a situation more fully but the listener may feel attacked and start
coming up with excuses. Why questions are often directed at the past, the problem, and can sound
accusing. Often it is advisable to use ‘What, How, Who, When, Where’ questions.

What, How, Who, When, Where questions

These questions, unlike Why questions, are usually focused on the future, the solution, and have a
less accusatory feel. For example, ‘What do you think is the best way forward?’ or ‘How can we
ensure that this doesn’t happen again? Or ‘Who is the best person to assign the task to?’ or ‘When
will the project be completed’, etc. are questions that are often perceived as less threatening than
Why questions and are also more forward moving.

The advantages of asking questions rather than simply giving an information or instruction download are:

1. When people come up with their own solutions they are more committed to them and take more
ownership for ensuring their successful implementation than when they are just ‘following orders’
2. People learn to think for themselves and that creates a higher level of capability in the team
3. New ideas may emerge that fully leverage the skills of the team
4. Questions are a great way to get more information and understand the situation better. Quite often
people lower down in the organization have a better understanding of ground level realities and
questions allow this wisdom to seep up to the top of the organization.

The biggest short term disadvantage of asking a number of questions compared to downloading
information is that it takes a longer time initially. However, as the benefits above accrue, the team
becomes more efficient and capable and the investment in time pays off.

Learning how to ask good questions is a critical skill that takes managers from being micro-managers to
true leaders.

Requests

A leader is someone who inspires followers towards a mission. A coach is someone who develops the
capability of a person. A manager is someone who organizes resources to achieve organizational result
(often, in a specific role, a person may need to be all three at different times).

The key skills of a manager are to make clear requests of others, get unambiguous commitments and hold
people accountable to those commitments.

The format of a request is ‘Would you please do X for me by time Y?’

If someone says ‘yes’, then they have now given a commitment.

Feedback is different from a request in that feedback is for the receiver’s benefit while a request is for the
maker’s benefit. The other difference is that people are under no obligation to act on feedback. If I give
feedback to someone ‘I don’t like your shirt’, there are under no obligation to change their shirt. It is
completely up to them what they do with that information. However, if I make a request ‘Would you
please wear formal clothes for her wedding reception?’ and the other person says ‘yes’, now they have an
obligation to do so because they have made a commitment.

Sometimes managers get upset and say things like ‘I have given the person the feedback so many times
and they keep doing the same thing’. Well they don’t have to do anything on receiving feedback. If you
actually want someone to do something different then you need to make an explicit request and get a
commitment.

There are seven elements to a complete request:

1. Explicit request rather than an unspoken expectation

Sometimes we expect people to behave in certain ways and when they do not meet our
expectations in this regard we get angry as if they have broken a commitment, but they
haven’t because we never made the explicit request. The usual reason that we don’t make an
explicit request is because we think ‘I shouldn’t have to tell them this, they should already
know’ or we’re afraid of rejection or because we think it’ll come across as too picky or pushy.
But then we are setting ourselves up for failure. Great managers convert unspoken
expectations into explicit agreements so that everyone is on the same page.

Example: ‘Guys, could you make sure you’re there by 9am at the latest please? I’d like to
start the meeting on time because we have a lot to get covered before our client arrives for
lunch’.

2. Committed listener rather than a distracted listener

In order for the request to be effective we need to make sure that the target has actually
received the message. If we send an email and we don’t get a confirmation, we need to call up
and check if they’ve received it (for important messages only), otherwise our assumption that
they have might create a breakdown.

Similarly, in verbal communications if people have objections or problems that we have not
addressed then they may not be fully listening to us when we are asking them to do
something. We need to ensure we have their full attention before making a request.

3. Context
Explaining why you need something means that an agreement is far more likely to be
honoured than a simple instruction.

Example: ‘Can you send me the ppt by Wednesday end of day please? I have a meeting with
the CEO on Thursday morning and I’d like to review it on Wednesday before I present it to
him.’ is much more likely to be effective than ‘Please send the ppt to me by Wednesday, end
of day’.

4. Clear conditions of satisfaction vs. ambiguous request

If the request is not clear, then the ambiguity means that people are likely to argue about
whether the request was met or not and the debate will make it harder to hold people
 accountable.

Example: ‘Can you send me the comparison of last year’s costs to this year’s costs. If there
are any costs that have gone up by more than 30% or increased by more than Rs 1 Crore,
could you provide a note on why. Thanks’ is much better than ‘Can you send me the cost
comparisons please. Thanks’

5. Specific time rather than ASAP

The structure of a request includes a deadline. If there is no time element, it is not a request
by definition because at the other person can always say ‘I was just about to do it’ and there
would be no point in time where they had actually broken a commitment. So a request
without a deadline is empty and you cannot hold anyone accountable to it. A clear deadline
also allows the other person to manage their time more effectively given their other
commitments, rather than constantly wondering when you’re going to get angry at the fact
that your ‘request’ has not yet been honoured.

Example: ‘Could you please send me the report by Wednesday 5pm please?’ is much better
than ‘Can you please send me the report ASAP?’

6. Check understanding / competence

Sometimes people will say yes to a request even if they haven’t understood what you want
from them. If a manager ever finds himself or herself saying ‘This was not what I expected’,
then the problem is not with the person who did not deliver. The problem is that the manager
had not checked whether the other person had understood the requirements and that is the sign
of a mediocre manager.

The best way to check understanding/ competence is to ask a series of questions about how
the person will handle the task that will provide some reassurance that they have understood
it. In some cases explicitly asking them to repeat back what they have understood may be the
easiest mechanism to ensure they have understood. Sometimes this can seem like you’re
insulting the other person’s intelligence so you can ‘declare yourself a beginner’

Example: ‘Could you repeat back once how you’re going to handle this please? I’m sorry to
sound so anal about it, but this is my first project with this client and I’m a little nervous so I
want to make extra sure that nothing goes wrong’.

By declaring yourself a beginner, you reduce the chances that they think you’re questioning
their ability or intelligence.

7. Option of declining request rather than threatening/ begging

If you force someone to say ‘yes’ to a request you may have extracted a ‘yes’ but that doesn’t
mean they have given you a commitment. They will simply say ‘yes’ and then fail to deliver.
If you can’t hear a ‘no’ then you can never rely on a ‘yes’ because… well what else could
they have said if you weren’t willing to hear a no?

Sometimes we can force a person to say ‘yes’ using threats or we can force a person into
saying ‘yes’ by pleading and begging, but in either case, the ‘yes’ was extracted under
compulsion and it’s not a commitment.
 If the person is not willing to give a free ‘yes’ then you, need to find a solution that works for
both parties if you are to get a genuine commitment

Example: ‘I know you have a lot on your plate and this is quite a stretch that I’ve asked of
you, what do you think is the probability that you won’t be able to finish by the deadline and
what can I do to help you if it’s too hard?’ is usually (though not always) better than ‘I want
this by the deadline and I don’t want to hear any excuses about why it can’t happen so don’t
even try them’.

In some exceptional cases, you may want to be uncompromising, if you’re convinced that
they actually can achieve the target and are just building in buffers but beware of using this as
a regular tactic. It’s better to figure out what is getting in the way of open and honest
communication and to handle the trust issues that are at the bottom of the hedging on their
part. A lot of energy, friction, and wasted time can go into this game of you trying to see
through their fake excuses and they coming up with fake excuses. Far better to handle the
underlying trust deficit.

Commitments are not usually broken on non-deliverance of an agreement. They are usually compromised
in the request conversation upfront because one of the seven elements were missing. We only get to find
out that they were compromised on non-deliverance. Any time somebody breaks a commitment to you,
you would probably need to revisit the initial conversation and figure out which of the seven elements
you missed out on.

Most of us will probably get 5 to 6 elements of a complete request right (not every element is required in
every single request) but each of us is probably a little weak on one or two of them. To get a sense of
which one you might miss out on, a good exercise would be to go through your email sent box and look
at your last 10-15 mails and see which elements you have covered and which ones you have missed. By
consciously making sure that you include the missing element in your future requests you are likely to
sharpen up your managerial effectiveness considerably.

How to say ‘No’

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful
people say no to almost everything.”

Warren Buffet

Average managers automatically say ‘yes’ to every request that comes their way because they are afraid if
they say ‘no’ then people will think they are lazy, overwhelmed, incapable, inconsiderate, not
collaborative, etc. But in saying ‘yes’ to all the requests they get diverted from focusing on the most
important critical factors and get sucked towards mediocrity.

Think of this example…. A client asks you to complete an assignment by Wednesday. You know it will
take till Thursday but in trying to please your client you end up saying ‘yes’. But you actually only deliver
the work by Thursday. Now the client is upset because you broke a commitment and figures that since you
deliver the work one day late, if they want it by Wednesday they should actually ask for it to be delivered
on Tuesday. Your confidence is low because you broke your commitment and you’re on the back foot so
to try and make up you say ‘yes’ again under pressure. Again, you break your commitment and deliver on
Thursday. Your client is even more upset and figure that since you gave the work two days after you had
committed, in order for them to get the work on Wednesday they need to ask you to deliver on Monday.
They start building in buffers because they lose their trust in you, you start losing confidence in yourself
and feel stressed out, you start setting unrealistic targets for your subordinates and will not listen to their
protests leading to them thinking you’re a task master and attrition rises. You end up doing more work
yourself and spending later hours at work putting your spouse, kids, health and hobbies on the backburner,
etc, etc.

All because you didn’t know how to say ‘no’.

Saying ‘no’ is a critical skill for a great manager and there is a best practice technique from the book by
Harvard Business Professor William Ury in his book ‘The power of a positive no’.

The technique can be summarized as the Yes – No – Yes technique

Yes
Anytime you say no to something you are also saying yes to something else. The first step is being
clear what you are saying yes to. For example, if it’s your mother’s birthday part on Saturday and
your client asks you to work on the weekend, when you say no, you’ve got to be clear on what
you’re saying yes to that is more important – letting your mother know that you care about her and
appreciate everything she’s done for you. If you’re not clear on this then you will sound apologetic
and defensive instead of clear and assertive.

No
When you do say no, it needs to be said unambiguously. ‘Let’s see’ or ‘I’ll try’ or ‘I’ll do my best’
is going to lead to expectations being set. You may not have said yes explicitly, but the listener
will hear what is convenient for them to hear and try to hold you accountable to that. You will
spend a lot of time trying to explain that you never really made a real commitment. Everybody will
be upset.

Yes
The final yes is where the genius of the model comes in. You say no the initial request but you say
yes to what you’re actually willing to do.

Examples of Yes-No-Yes

o ‘I can’t come in on Saturday because it’s my mother’s birthday but how about I come in on
Monday morning 8am and have the report to you by 12pm? Does that work for you?’

o ‘I can’t come in on Saturday because it’s my mother’s birthday but how about I get Anil to
send you the report directly. I’ll have a quick conversation with him to just check it’s in the
right overall area and then I’ll give you the final version on Monday by the end of day’
Does that work for you?’

o ‘I can’t come in on Saturday because it’s my mother’s birthday but how about I give you a
summary of the main points on Friday that you can discuss in your Sunday meeting and I’ll
give you the full report on Monday by the end of the day? Does that work for you?’
What happens when you apply the Yes-No-Yes technique is that you communicate clarity of
priorities that people respect and you also show that you are willing to be co-operative and flexible
to find a solution that works with all parties. By consistently practicing this technique, you can
soon learn to say no in an effective way that builds respect and trust in the relationship and allows
you to work on your most important priorities.

There is another technique of saying no and it is called the Yes-But technique.

Example of Yes-But technique:

Boss: ‘I need that project delivered one month early’
Manager: ‘Sure boss. But I’ll need two more men transferred to the project’

Effectively the manager presents his boss with a choice:

You can:
a) not provide me the men and have the project on original schedule
b) provide me two men and have the project delivered one-month forward
c) which of these two options would you prefer?

The manager has said No to the boss’ original request but it sounds like a Yes.

Sometimes of course you just need to be willing to say No. There may be short term prices but in
the long term your credibility and performance and career depends on your willingness to pay
those short term prices.
Managing agreements

If you make a request and someone says yes, then they have now given you a commitment (or vice versa).

You will not be able to keep all your commitments because if you deliver on all your commitments people
will keep giving you harder targets until at some point you break a commitment. The only person who
consistently delivers on every single commitment is someone who plays safe with the commitments they
make, which may work in the short term, but in the short term can lead to mediocrity. Not only that but
sometimes unexpected events will happen that make it impossible to keep your commitments. Sometimes
you will need to break commitments consciously in order to focus on something else that has now taken a
greater priority (for example missing a meeting if you find out that your father has been admitted to
hospital after an accident).

Keeping all your commitments is going to be impossible however what great managers and their teams do
extremely well is they ‘manage their agreements’.

Managing your agreements means the following:

1. If you realize that the request being made is impossible to honour, instead of saying ‘yes’

a. Say ‘no’ using the Yes-No-Yes technique

b. Negotiate using win-win principles to find a solution that works for both parties
c. Tell them you’ll need to check if it’s possible and definitely give them a time when you
will get back to them.
 2. If you realize that you are going to break an agreement you have made
a. Inform the other party immediately
b. Renegotiate or cancel the deadline or agreement
c. Make amends that you feel are appropriate
d. Move on and don’t feel guilty if you’ve done the above steps.
e. If someone tries to make you feel guilty, even after you’ve done the above steps, then
that is manipulative and you need to be stand your ground firmly rather than keep
apologizing forever and get taken advantage of.

Holding someone accountable for broken commitments

Often managers don’t have a clear definition of what it actually means to ‘hold someone accountable’.
They think it means ‘shouting’ at someone or firing them or making them feel guilty or uncomfortable or
giving them a low rating.

This is our definition of holding someone accountable:

1. Check if you actually have a broken commitment. There may be a misunderstanding

2. Understand why the commitment was broken
3. Understand why the fact that commitment was going to be broken was not communicated to
you in time
4. If the answers to 1-3 are reasonable, simply create a new agreement
5. If the answers to 1-3 are not reasonable, point out that a commitment was broken and explain
the consequences it has had. Make a request for reparations if required.
6. Make a new request and have a deeper discussion to ensure that between the two of you, you
have found a solution that gives you both confidence that the factors that prevented the
previous agreement from being kept have been addressed and that the next one will be met.
7. If you do not get the assurance you are looking for and breaking commitments without due
care occurs repeatedly even after these conversations, it means you cannot rely on them. Our
recommendation in this case would be to end the relationship. It may have a short term impact
but in the long term it’s faster and more efficient working with people you can trust. Based on
their commitment to you, you are giving your word to other people and putting your long term
credibility in jeopardy.

Note: All these skills are as relevant in the areas of personal relationships as they are in professional ones.
 Executive Presence and
Personal branding

Principles of Leadership Effectiveness

Leadership, as we define it, is showing up in a way that builds trust and credibility in people such that
they want to follow you. Leadership is not about being right – you can be right, but if no one is
following you, then it’s not leadership. Leadership is also not about authority. Anyone can be a leader
irrespective of their position. For example, people followed Gandhi for the Dandi march not because he
had any authority over them but there was something about Gandhi that people trusted.

Effectiveness is about producing results. There are two things which determine if you’re going to be
effective at producing your results: one is all the things that are internal to you like your capability,
strengths, personality etc. and the other is all the external factors like competition, policies, market etc.
that determine the level of challenge you will face while producing your results. If your internal
capability is higher than the external challenge you will be effective, if not you will fail.

There are five principles of leadership effectiveness in the Stillwater model – Clarity, Honesty,
Ownership, Win-Win, Commitment:

1. Clarity:

Clarity is being clear on four things:

 what do I want to achieve?

 why is it important to me?
 the prices I need to be willing to pay?
 by when I want to achieve it?

Example, ‘I want to be fitter’ is not clarity. Clarity would be ‘I want to run 5km in 30 minutes
by 31st December 2016. It’s important to me because I’ve lost many people in my family due to
ill health and I want to live healthily and be able to enjoy going on holidays. The prices I’m
willing to pay are spending an hour and a half less with my wife and kids three times a week.

When people have not reached Clarity they will use words like:

 ‘I should’
which actually means ‘intellectually it makes sense but I’m not going to do it’

 ‘I have to’
which actually means ‘I’ll do it but grudgingly’

 ‘I can’t’
which actually means ‘I’m not willing to take ownership for not doing it’
 When people have weighed up the prices and benefits and made a decision they will use the
phrases:

 ‘I will’
if the benefits are more than the prices

 ‘I won’t’.
if the benefits are less than the prices.

These words indicate the person has probably got Clarity.

2. Honesty:

Clarity is knowing what I want to happen and honesty is looking at what is actually happening.
It’s looking at the situation in an unbiased way: neither overreacting nor underreacting.

Example, if I get a B minus on my report, an overreaction would be feeling like this a disaster
and an under reaction would be telling yourself it doesn’t matter. Honesty would be saying
‘I’ve got B minus on my report’.

3. Ownership:

If there’s a gap between what I want to achieve and what’s actually happening, under pressure
people sometimes attribute it to external factors. However, ownership is focusing on the
choices within my control instead of focusing on things outside my control and blaming other
people, situation or even myself.

It’s a blameless focus on my choice of action and interpretation.

I may or may not have control over the results. But I always have choices and at the very
minimum, I can choose my attitude.

Examples of Helpless vs. Ownership

Helpless: You’re not understanding what I’m saying

Ownership: I don’t think I’ve explained myself clearly

Helpless: He broke my heart

Ownership: I felt hurt

Helpless: I’m unable to find time to exercise

Ownership: I haven’t been creating the time to exercise

Helpless: The downturn in the economy was the reason my startup failed
Ownership: My lack of planning for the possibility of a downturn in the economy
contributed to the failure of my startup
4. Win-win:

This principle is about understanding your stakeholders’ considerations and reaching a deal that
works for both of you. It’s not about being a martyr and giving up things that you want to
achieve. It’s also not about taking advantage of people. It’s understanding that people will only
give you what you want if you give them what they want.

Example, if I want to go for a run after coming back from work in the evening, but my family
wants to spend time with me, win-win would be looking at options such that you can achieve
both – some options may be to go for a run early in the morning instead of evening or it could
be involving the family in the exercise routine.

5. Commitment:

Commitment is about doing whatever it takes to produce the result you say you want. Phrases
such as ‘I’ll try’ or ‘I’ll try my best’ are not considered as commitment as per this definition
because, if I say ‘I’ll try to get the report on Monday morning’ and I don’t succeed I can simply
say I tried.

So you could put in a lot of effort and not produce the result and as per this definition of
commitment, that would not be commitment. Or you could put in hardly any effort and produce
the result and that would fulfill this definition of commitment.

A commitment is “I’ll do it”

Self-Awareness

Self-awareness can have various definitions. In this course, when we use the term, what we are referring
to is an understanding of how the way we look at the world influences our results, relationships,
perceptions people have of us, and our experience of life itself. In the paragraphs below, we will define
these terms and clarify the links between each of them.

Beliefs:

We form beliefs from our past experiences – through our direct personal experiences, from the
information we have received or things we have absorbed from our surroundings. Since all of us have a
slightly different past, all of us also have slightly different beliefs.

The function of beliefs is to make quick decisions. For example, if you were to buy a carton of milk
from a super market, some of the beliefs you would have to make when you buy it might be that it’s not
expired, the expiry date you do check is the right date, the price is right, the milk is good for you, the
quality is good, it hasn’t gone bad etc. Now if you were to check each belief every single time you
wanted to purchase a single item, it would just take a whole lot of time. So beliefs allow you to make
quick decisions in the face of uncertainty based on your past experiences.

That’s the advantage but the disadvantage is that the past experience may not be a good guide. The
current situation may be slightly different from the past experience or the beliefs we may have formed
from early experiences may be poor conclusions. And therefore, when we interpret reality through the
lens of our beliefs, our interpretations may not be an accurate map of the reality.

Therefore, the advantage of beliefs is that they allow you to make quick decisions and the disadvantage
of relying on them blindly is that they might, on occasions, lead to suboptimal results.

Reality and Interpretations.

There are certain statements of objective reality and certain statements are about subjective
interpretation. So if I said the outside temperature is 28 degrees Celsius, that is a statement of reality.
It’s a statement of fact and I’m either right about this or I am wrong which I can check by using a
thermometer.

But supposing someone from London comes here and I say 28 degrees is a normal day in Mumbai and
he says it’s really hot here, those are both statements of interpretation and we both are right about our
interpretations. In fact, you can’t be right or wrong about interpretations. He’s got some beliefs based on
his past experience, he’s grown up in London and he has different beliefs about what is a hot day or
normal day. I’ve grown up here and I have different beliefs about what’s a hot day. We have the same
objective reality and we have slightly different interpretations of that reality. And both of them are
legitimate. Neither of them is right or wrong but both are legitimate. I can’t say to him no you cannot be
feeling hot. But I can say it’s 28 degrees or that the average temperature in Mumbai is 28 so for this
standard it’s not an unusually warm day or that I’m not feeling hot.

The reason this distinction is important because quite often the arguments we have are when we mistake
our interpretations for reality. Most of the arguments we have are not about statements of reality. People
don’t usually argue about whether you’ve achieved 95% of your target or 103% of your target, that’s a
statement of objective reality. But if someone says to me ‘you’re not a team player’ - that’s a statement
of interpretation, which is neither right or wrong, that’s just how I am coming across to him based on
that person’s belief of what a team player is. You’re assertive. That person has potential. These are all
statements of interpretation. But when somebody shares his statement of interpretation that mismatches
our interpretation, we get angry and start having arguments.

To illustrate the diagram above with an example, suppose your experience with the first few bosses you
had was really bad. They didn’t give you any guidance, they blamed you for everything, they made you
work crazy hours, had no consideration for anything about you, took all the credit themselves, the belief
you might form about them is bosses are terrible. If now (reality) a new boss comes in and says he needs
you to work on the weekend and deliver the report on Monday, based on your belief that bosses are
terrible, your first few thoughts (interpretation) might be - here we go again, he’s the same etc. Our
interpretations have an impact on our experience – emotions, thoughts and body sensations. Given your
first thoughts, you are likely to generate further similar thoughts and feel anger, frustration and low
motivation and your muscles might become tight and tensed. Our experience has a further impact on our
actions and conversations. If you’re experiencing all those negative emotions and thoughts, you’re
unlikely to put in a lot of effort or speak respectfully to your boss, which has a further impact on your
results and relationships. If you put in less effort you’re unlikely to achieve the results, the boss is not
going to trust you next time, he’s going to micro manage you further and that’s going to reinforce your
belief that bosses are terrible.

However, supposing the first few bosses you had are really friendly, helpful, look after you, care about
your work life balance, mentor you, guide you, give you all the credit, you’re might form an
interpretation that bosses are great. Now supposing the reality is a new boss comes in and he says I need
you to work on the weekend and deliver the report on Monday. Your interpretation might be ‘it must be
important work’, which leads to further thoughts like ‘he must trust me’, ‘this might be urgent’, etc. and
you are more likely to feel trusted, determined, motivated and therefore you’ll have more rigour in your
actions and you will be more likely to produce the results which will have your boss trust you and give
you more important work and that’s going to reinforce your belief that bosses are great.

So whatever beliefs you form with your initial experiences is likely to set off a chain of events that
reinforces your beliefs and this cycle keeps reinforcing itself whether it’s a virtuous cycle or a vicious
cycle until you stop seeing your beliefs as just beliefs and start seeing them as reality.

Difference between beliefs and reality.

Gravity is reality. So when I drop a pen, it’s going to drop. It doesn’t matter what your belief is, this is
going to happen because gravity is reality. So, the one thing you can do with beliefs that you cannot do
with reality is change them. But if you think your beliefs are reality, you can’t change your beliefs and
you end up going in the same cycle over and over again, even if it’s not working for you. We think it’s
the reality that’s causing the result but actually the way we’re looking at the situation also contributes to
it.

So Honesty in the way it is defined in this course, is four things:

a) understanding the difference between reality and interpretation

b) acknowledging the results without justifying them away or pretending they don’t exist
c) listening to feedback and acknowledging different interpretations, not saying they are right or
wrong
d) listening to your own emotions and understanding the messages embedded in them.

Once we are honest we can see the links and become aware of this cycle – this is what we call self-
awareness.

Distorting beliefs create unhelpful interpretations, negative experiences, criticism of actions and
unwanted results. Questioning all our beliefs will paralyze us because they do help us take quick
decisions but we might want to question our beliefs in the following four situations:

a) when the reality we face is very evidently different from the past experiences we’ve had
b) we are consistently having negative experiences
c) we are getting feedback that our actions or conversations are not effective
d) we are consistently not producing the results that we say we want to produce.

Once we become aware of this cycle and we see our beliefs as just beliefs and not reality, we realize
there is nothing we can do about reality but we can do something about beliefs, it gives us a choice. So
for example, when we notice our negative experiences or unwanted results or criticism of actions,
instead of automatically going and doing what we do and producing the results that we produce, we can
do something different.
Range model of leadership development

The range model looks at how we can work on our development areas without losing our own authentic
leadership style.

We recommend you review your Range report and watch the associated videos before you do the
Leadership effectiveness check with your study group

To get your own Range report that will help you identify and hone your ‘personal brand’:

1. Go to www.stillwater.co.in and click on ‘Range’ next to the ‘Home’ tab on the top left
2. Use the password ‘Nbsdi’ (case sensitive) and fill out the questionnaire (10-15mins)
3. Download the report and watch the three explanatory videos at http://tinyurl.com/gojm2db

Leadership effectiveness check

The leadership effectiveness check can be done in study groups. Each member of the group answers the
following ten questions. Group members ask questions and give feedback until they feel their team
member has reached a place of Clarity, Honesty, Ownership, Commitment, and Win-Win in their
understanding of the situation.

At the end of the questions each group member shares their feedback related to the speaker’s
communication so that the speaker can see how his or her thinking is interpreted through the lens of
other people’s belief systems.

The ten questions are:

Clarity
1. What I want to create…

Honesty
2. The natural strengths I have that I can use…
3. The areas that I have not been effective…

Ownership
4. The ineffective choice I have been making in these areas…
5. The distorting belief that tricked me into making this choice…
6. A more empowering belief I could adopt is…
7. What I notice about how I have been communicating (in this exercise)…

Commitment
8. The strength I’m committed to consciously developing in this year at ISB is…
9. The prices I’m willing to pay in the coming year are…

Win-Win
10. The support I would like from you is…
 Notes -Real conversations: 7 Skills
Sharing
- Expressing objectives, thoughts, concerns, emotions, ideas and recommendations etc. in a direct and sensitive way
- Conflict between expressing oneself and avoidance. End result: You do not get across what you really want to say
- Do you come across as rude or abrasive?
- How to express authentically, accurately, and effectively in a way to maximize our chance of getting heard.
Sharing: How to give feedback)
- ‘I don’t like the way you have…’ – this is clear feedback
- Must make a distinction between feedback, advice and judgement
- Advice
o Any sentence that starts with ‘you should or shouldn’t’
o Message conveyed: “I know more than you do about what you should do”; should only be given when
you actually know more
o Often taken negatively – feels like you are talking down to them
o Only works when you DO know more than someone else and they agree you are the expert. Peer advice
often backfires, leads to defensiveness and aggression
- Sharing
o ‘I notice/think/see/believe’
o Sharing uses the word ‘I’ and not ‘you’
o E.g.: You’ve been more than half an hour for last 3 minutes even though I requested for you to be on time.
I am starting to feel you are not concerned. I am feeling annoyed.
 They can’t tell you what you feel. Can’t deny/dispute what you feel
o Facts (People usually do not get into arguments about facts) – so start sharing by stating facts
o But follow facts with what you are thinking and what you are feeling and why you are thinking and
feeling that way
o Share your internal experience – which is personal to you and cannot be disputed
o ‘You’ statements are like accusations.
o ‘You are lazy’ is a judgement and means labelling someone
o ‘Your performance is not up to the mark’/ ‘this initiative won’t work’ – judgement
o ‘I am disappointed in your performance’ – sharing feedback
o Your way of seeing the situation is not the only way to see it. When you are sharing, nobody can tell you
that what you are feeling is wrong
o When you say an opinion as a fact, then you end up passing an advice – and people won’t react positively
unless they see you as an expert
o Honesty > Being right or wrong
o Shift from telling what is right to do, or right way to be to actually how you are feeling – it allows you to
share
o Sharing allows you to be honest, humble, open. Practice using sharing as a means of communication until
it becomes natural
Listening
- Like a superpower; Allows you to hear things that others may not
- What is really important for the other person? Why are they saying what they say? Why are they saying what they
are not saying?
- Boy in a wheelchair example
- Four fundamental elements – words, emotions, body language, intentions
- Words
o Which words are habitual and unique and stand out in some way?
o ‘Sure’ – conveys confidence, ‘sort of’ – not so much
o As a listener, learn to pick up on these words
- “Couldn’t, didn’t, couldn’t” – One-word difference but can be interpreted in multiple ways
- Words are different when speaking at an intellectual vs. emotional level
- As a listener, Look for patterns in words (Do they convey amusement? Fear?)
- Emotions
o Neutrality, laughter, confusion, sadness
- Do all four elements match each other? If they do not, something important may not be being said
- Listening can only help us make a hypothesis
- Only a relationship of trust can help us actually know what a person is thinking
- Body language
o look at things like eye contact
- Intention
o why is someone saying what they are saying and not saying what they are not saying?
o Doesn’t want to be too sad, doesn’t want to be so happy (wants to be grounded)
o Uses anyway to shift away from a serious conversation
- Emotions and words: Are strong emotions followed by the word ‘anyway’ to neutralize them?
- Listening gives us the power to direct the conversation a lot more skillfully helps you build trust and connect with
people
- What should the listener do? Words like ‘I see’ convey neutrality, just listens empathetically and non-
judgmentally
o If he offered pity – might close up; if he said its not so bad – might feel doesn’t understand
o Tries to subtly make him feel better – “you’re mighty strong” and “able to talk about it”
- Listening will help you hear things that others cannot
- Sometimes you can get so comfortable with people that you do not listen to them intently
o Parents, spouse, children
- Just listen for five minutes to one component of listening everyday to hone your listening skills

Understanding
- Confirming that the two people in the conversation have ‘got’ each other
- We use our own lens to interpret people’s thoughts. That often means that we have not understood each other
- Understanding and agreement isn’t same, but it allows you to “get” where the other is coming from;
Understanding does not mean agreement
- You are able to summarize someone’s point of view in a way where they feel – “yes exactly what I meant”
- Maternity leave example – Husband does not understand the wife’s actual reason for getting back to work
- Sometimes when we listen to people, we end up conveying on our beliefs and biases. And we believe we can
distort other people’s POV and present it in a way that makes them feel guilty
o Are subconscious feelings conveyed during a conversation? Probably not. This usually leads to
misunderstanding
- Our own beliefs and biases usually block us from understanding people
- Understanding the other person helps you move forward in the conversation.
o For productive conversation – need to understand each other.
- Impatience often happens because we think that listening to someone will make them think we agree with them.
Understanding does not mean agreement, but agreement cannot happen without understanding
- We can listen to each other without agreeing with each other – but important to listen and understand each other to
find a common ground.

Questions
- Get to the root cause without conflict
- Questions create options, which bring us closer to solutions working for all parties
- Quality of questions –> quality of answers –> quality of decisions –> quality of life
- Why questions
o root causes of different problems and how things fit together
o Japanese technique – the five whys (To understand anything, you need to ask five ‘why’ questions)
o BUT why questions can come across as accusatory – “ why didn’t you do this and that etc.” even if you
ask them genuinely
o Usually, they lead to just one outcome – excuses as people feel attack and misperceived
- Alternative – non-why questions.
o ‘How do you think…’, ‘When is the best time…’, ‘Which solution is best…’
o All solution oriented, no element of blame
o So why questions shouldn’t be overused
- Open vs. closed questions
o Closed questions elicit a narrow range of answers. For e.g.: Do you think we can achieve this target.
Answer can only be yes, no, or I do not know
 Closed questions better for establishing facts and moving to action
 When can we start? Who will work on this project?
o Open questions elicit a wide range of answers. Eg: How do you think we can achieve this sales target?
 Open questions more important as seniority increases and problems become more complex
 More relevant when you move from leading juniors to coaching seniors
 Open questions also help create more engagement
 We often use under use open questions
- Learn how to transform closed to open questions
o Do you want hire him/her vs what are the pros and cons of hiring them/ why to hire them
o Do not delegate just the actions, also delegate the result – ‘How would you like to go about achieving this
target’? What risks do you foresee?
o Creates ownership and buy-in – “monkey on shoulder”
- Leading vs. genuine questions
o Leading questions: you have decided what you think the answer should be
 ‘Don’t you think this is impractical?’ is not really a question. These are subconsciously designed
to put the other person on the back-foot. Leads to someone mentally checking out
 Don’t you think you could have informed me earlier?
 Puts other person on the back foot – makes people feel manipulated and they feel eventually
check out of the conversation
o Leading questions are okay to spark thinking when there is a theoretically correct answer
o Genuine questions are more solution oriented and encourage a more two-way conversation
 I feel your potential is much higher vs don’t you think you could have done better
 What do you think you could have done better?
- Summary:
o Be careful on asking why question
o Be conscious of using open/ closed questions – don’t miss out on open questions
o Ask solution-oriented questions rather than giving solutions
o Honest sharing and genuine questions are much more helpful than leading questions

Requests
- Clear expectations
- Delegating well, sharing tasks, setting expectations upfront
- Request: Would you do x for me by y? If someone says yes – it’s a commitment.
- When do commitments breakdown? Usually at the time requests are made
- 7 elements to a complete request
o Explicit request – implicit requests not fulfilled do not mean a broken commitment
 Difference b/w breaking a commitment and not living up to your expectations
 if you’re not open about what you want then you’re mad about them not living up to you
o Open listener
 do not make a request when someone is distracted or upset
 don’t assume they go the message
 don’t simply order and not hear concerns and counterpoints
 Instead of repeating yourself, listen to them
o Context
 why is your request important? (For example, why do you need something done by a certain
time?)
  Send report by Thursday vs I need to send it to client by then
o Unambiguous
 be specific
 Clean up ppt vs run a spell check, make fonts consistent (time, date, purpose)
o Check understanding
 does your team seem clear on your request?
 Is your request clear to you or to the team?
 Your responsibility to make sure team understands.
 Ask open questions
o Deadline
 if there is no deadline, there is no request. They can always say – I was just about to do this and
not break a commitment.
 Do not say ‘I need this done ASAP’.
 Calling lots of things urgent creates pressure without clarity – if you say its urgent w/o deadline
you are creating unnecessary panic.
 If it is very urgent – give a deadline to it. Ensures minimal follow up, their job to get it done.
o Option to say no
 Otherwise it is an order, demand, threat
 Sometimes you end up making a commitment on other’s behalf
 If someone says I’ll try – they’re not making a commitment to you and you can’t be mad if they
break it.
- A commitment is NOT the same thing as a target. A target is aspirational number that you aim for.
- Given what you know of your own personality, which element are you most likely to miss out on?

Saying no effectively
- Minimises bad impressions
- Saves relationships from being damaged
- What happens when you don’t know how to say no?
o You often say yes to a request under pressure
o When you do not meet the commitment, you end up feeling defensive and guilty and your confidence
goes down
o leads to a vicious cycle where your manager does not trust you ultimately
o You also lose on your self-confidence, health and personal life
- We are afraid that if we say no, we will be seen as lazy, incompetent etc. But critical to learn how to say this for
personal and professional happiness
- Warren buffet: most important word for a business leader –“no”
- Three ways to say No
o Yes-no-yes technique
 anytime you say no to something, you are saying yes to something that is more important (First
Yes)
 Eg: Asked to come to office on Mom’s birthday. What are you saying yes to? Mom being
important.
 If you say no to an unrealistic deadline, you are saying yes to work-life balance
 You need to be clear on your priorities in life to know what you are saying yes to. If you’re
unclear then saying no is tough
 The no is the request we are saying no to. The no is an unambiguous no to a request – don’t say
I’ll try and I’ll see.
 The final yes is a yes to the relationship – a willingness to offer something else that could be of
value to the person making the request (like a counteroffer) Eg – Mom’s birthday on Saturday,
but I can come on Monday and do it earliest by noon, is that okay?
 Counteroffer makes a person feel you are trying to find a solution
o The ‘yes and’ technique
 Yes I can meet an earlier deadline, and this will require more people…
  No to original request of meeting early deadline with same people
o Final technique – simply say no
 No justifications required at times
 You have the option to say no always.
- Two caveats
o First: Saying no is honest and upfront about not making false commitments. You want to say no, but do
not say it because you don’t want to disappoint. But if you say yes, you’re making a false promise.
 Committing a false promise and saying no to come across as uncompetitive are different
 missing a target is not the same thing as making a false promise
 Saying no to a target that you feel you cannot meet is playing it safe, and that may not be well
received
 Do not say no because YOU think something is impossible and other people think it is possible
o Second: If you say no because its not possible to achieve a particular target, have data to back it up with
granular details
 Say no after doing homework so you’re sure of what you’re sayin

Managing agreements
- We live in a world of agreements and commitments
- How to handle this in the best manner? Especially when people break commitments
- How to hold people accountable to their commitments and what to do when they break it?
- The sign of a great team is not achieving all targets – are targets too easy?
- The sign of a great team is one in which everyone manages their agreements.
o Different ways of managing agreements: Say no if required
o ‘Let me check and I will get back to you’ – give time on when you will get back. If you don’t give time,
they might feel you are procrastinating
o Inform if you are taking a break from your commitment, keep people aware – if you realize you can’t
commit then inform the team ASAP
o Renegotiate if you cannot meet the commitment
o You may not be able to keep all commitments, but you can manage most of their agreements.
- Holding people accountable
o Is there an actual broken commitment? – Check and make suree
o If yes, then ask why the commitment was broken. Listen with 100% empathy – listening and
understanding doesn’t mean agreement. Hear them out.
o Ask why they didn’t inform when they realized they will have to break a commitment?
 If there is an answer and they informed as soon as they could then move on and create a new
agreement
 If the answers are not reasonable, point out what the impact of breaking the agreement is and
share the consequences. Analyse the root cause of break-down and make a new agreement
 Last resort – terminating the person’s employment (track record of breaking agreements,
or no solutions exist)
- First step – you need to keep your own commitment as a leader. You need to make complete requests and be
100% honest and empathetic
o Lead by example, always
o Hold yourself accountable the same way you hold others accountable
- Summary
o Keep yourself accountable; keep your own commitments
o Make complete requests
o Have honest conversations
o Terminate work relationships when required

Which is the most important skill for YOU as a person to become good at?
 Notes -Leadership Effectiveness
Leadership – Why would someone follow you?
- For someone to lead there must be someone to follow; Leadership is about developing credibility in a way that
inspires people to follow you.
- You can force people to follow you, but followers CHOOSE to follow leaders. Why?
o Compelling vision
o Passionate articulation
o More integrity – actions are consistent to words
o Why do some people have clarity of thought and others not?
- Introspection translates life experience into learning and clarity
o Leaders introspect two fundamental questions – What is important and what is not?
- Introspect to gain more Clarity – > conviction –> integrity –> commitment –> results
- This clarity shows up in all areas of life – professional, spouse, parent, partner.
- Imagine you didn’t have your degree, network – if you walk towards something you believe in, would people
follow you?

Principles of leadership effectiveness

- 5 principles of leadership: Clarity, honesty, ownership, win-win, commitment
- Clarity
o being clear on:
 what you want
 why is it important
 the prices you are willing to pay for your goals
 the timeframe in which you want to achieve them
o Having clarity transmits clarity to others
o Clarity vs. confusion can be determined by words people use
- Honesty
o Being honest with yourself, looking at a situation without biases (as it is)
 Neither over nor under reacting
o 4 things:
 Separating facts from beliefs
 Listening to your emotions
 Listening to feedback
 Looking at results neutrally without going into denial
- Ownership
o not blaming externalities for the situation
o Looking at choices available to us
- Win-win
o People will only give you what you want, if you give them what they want
o Understanding the objectives and constraints of your stakeholders
- Commitment
o Not necessarily used to mean hardworking
o ‘I will do it’ not ‘I will try’; Commitment = results
- Summary:
o Leaders get clear on what they want (Clarity)
o They honestly look at situation (honest)
o What they can do about it (ownership)
o Who they need to get on board and how (win-win)
o They make a commitment to get it done (commitment)
- Simple – not easy.
 Clarity
- Four elements
o What do I want and what will I do to make it happen?
o What is the timeline?
o What are the prices I am willing to pay?
o Why is it important to me?
- Red flags
o I do not know (NOT in reference to facts or the future. This is about things that lie within your control) –
its okay if you don’t know if brazil will win world cup
 “I don’t know how I feel about him” – Who does?
 Usually due to lack of clarity – also can come from a space of fear
o Being vague – another way to avoid our fears
 I’d like a nice job – Who doesn’t?
 I want a sales job in London – Clarity – you made it real.
 You need courage to reach a place of clarity – usage of words like ‘maybe’ and ‘I guess’ convey
the fear that may stop us from reaching that place
o Qualifiers
 “I guess”, “Maybe”
 Not giving full commitment
- Ask yourself – do I want to go on a journey where my beliefs are challenged? Answer cannot be I don’t know.
o Clarity also implies knowing how you will achieve what you want - What are you going to do specifically
to make it happen? When you do not have that clarity, you will use the phrase I’ll try instead of I will or I
want
- I’ll try – shift it to I want, and I will
o Sometimes we say I will try when we don’t know what we will do to achieve our target
o ‘I will’ alone may indicate fake confidence – break it into I want and I will
o I want – my goal, I will – plan to achieve that goal
- Do not miss out on the time element
o also obscures clarity
o I want to spend more time with family – not a statement of clarity
- Benefits and Prices of Clarity
Matrix (clarity on why vs. clarity on prices required)

- Intellectual x Intellectual – ‘I should’ (guilt)

o Intellectually I Should, clarity isn’t so deep that I would do it. Should puts an imperative on you and
makes you feel guilty about it.
 o Guilt: don’t do what you should, or do what you shouldn’t
 I’m aware of what I need to do, but I don’t
o Often leads to consequences – leads to regret; moves to have to (next quadrant)
o Awareness exists, action is lacking
- Intellectual x internalized – ‘I have to’ (pressure)
o Why do we say we have to do something when we choose to do it? Forgotten the why we have to do it.
o I have to exercise vs I choose to exercise
 When you forget the why, you feel pressure and stress
- Internalized x intellectual - I can’t (allows you to stay in your comfort zone, helpless)
o You know why we want to do something, but the prices you have to pay for it are not identified
 Want to leave at 6 pm, but I can’t – you can
 Prices: Might be seen as less committed than someone who stays beyond 6 pm
o I can’t say no – you can, just know the price of saying no.
 Allows you to stay in your comfort zone and not pay the price
- Internalized x internalized – I will, I won’t (THIS is clarity)
o If the prices > benefits – I won’t
o If the prices < benefits – I will
- Why do we use words like can’t?
o Internalized since we grew up
o You can’t stay out later than 10 pm, you have to study
o As an adult, it is important to break from these, particularly as a leader – use will/ won’t
 Reflects sense of clarity
- The words we use are not accidents (practice linguistic yoga)
o Reflects the way we think
- You don’t need to have clarity on everything in life, not important enough
o Too stressful to want clarity on everything in life
o Not all those who wander are lost :)
o But important to have clarity on things that truly matter you
- Summary
o I want A
o So I will do B
o By time C
o I’m willing to pay price D
o Because what’s really important to me is E

Honesty
- Honesty requires:
o Honesty about what the facts are – the way we see it is not necessarily how the world is
 Keep our biases and beliefs away from facts to interpret the situation objectively
o Listening to our emotions
 First sign: our intuition tells us when something isn’t working
 If you suppress your intuition when you know things are not going right – you will reach a space
where others will criticize you
o Listening to Feedback
 Need not always agree, but need to acknowledge that others are seeing us this way
o Looking at results without going into denial
 Results (have we succeeded or failed?) Acknowledge without making excuses, overreacting or
underreacting
 Don’t deny or minimize
- If we are honest about these 4 things we will see
o How are past experiences shapes us and determine how we see the world
o This influences the results we produce and how we are perceived by others
o Seeing how this all fits together: Self Awareness
  Helps us realize beliefs are different from facts
- Two ways to live life
o We can believe that our past will determine our future
o determine our vision for the future
 Work backwards – go from relationships, actions and experiences to interpretation and then re-
examine your beliefs
 To do this we need to look at our past in a way that serves us – may require us to change our
beliefs and how we see our past story

The self-awareness cycle

- Beliefs
o Ultimately determine how our life turns out – results we produce, how we are seen, how we see life
o How are they formed?
 Personal experiences
 Information (books, classes, education)
 Surroundings (Society, culture, peers)
o Need beliefs to function on a day-to-day basis
o Beliefs become so implicit they become unconscious
o When faced with a new situation, our beliefs help us interpret our surroundings and form opinions and
respond to it (which may or may not be true)
 Eg: Have terrible bosses in the beginning; belief: Bosses sucks. If your new boss asks you to work
on weekend, your past beliefs will make you believe here is another bully
 If you’re feeling lazy, demotivated etc (due to emotions generated). your deliverables will be bad,
making your boss angry at you and hence they will push you even harder reinforcing your belief
that bosses = bad.
o Interpretations also generate our emotions (even our bodily experience – high blood pressure, fast
heartbeat)
o What we experience in terms of thoughts or emotions will determine our actions
o Initial experiences – belief – chain of events – reinforces beliefs – beliefs start being seen as reality
 Self-fulfilling prophecy
 As this cycle continues, beliefs are reinforced multiple times. They start becoming a reality where
the problem arises.
 We can’t change reality, but we can change our beliefs
o Distinguish between helpful/empowering and unhelpful (distorting beliefs) such as ‘I am not good at
math’
o Empowering beliefs: Help you – I am a good problem solver, I’m good at making friends
 o Unhelpful beliefs (distorting) – Hold us back – ‘im not good at math’
 Produce emotions like sadness, anger, frustration, anxiety
 These beliefs lead to actions and results which are unhelpful, but we can’t change these beliefs
because we start seeing them as reality
 Distorting beliefs are often thought of as facts
o When we start questioning our beliefs, we slow down or get paralyzed
 Confusion – always gotten feedback that we are honest, someone asks you to be diplomatic; now
you are confused on what to do
 To question or not to question is the main question
o Question your beliefs when
 reality is completely different from the past (Past beliefs won’t work in the new situation)
 consistent negative experiences
 when people give you critical feedback on actions and conversations (pattern exists)
 when you are not producing the results/relationships you want to

Reality
- Before we change things we can do, let’s talk about what we can’t do (too deep, can’t deal)
- Reality is something that is not usually in our control; your beliefs are irrelevant here
o Bosses will decide your rating basis their assessment – you may not agree with it but its still the reality
- You can either accept reality or go into denial
o Denial often leads to you getting upset and resentful (but it won’t hurt them, it will hurt you)
- Acceptance instead makes you seem open to feedback
o When you accept the mountain, you navigate it more easily
o It leads you to put in the work to change your behaviour and navigate situations more easily
- Why do we not accept reality?
o People find it hard to accept reality because they think if they accept it they are also accepting something
else (usually negative)
o Accepting I have a low rating = Accepting I have low potential; this is not true – rating isn’t
- Acceptance does NOT equal to resignation
o Resignation: You accept nothing will change in future
o Acceptance: What just happened, just happened – you can always see it from an improvement lens
- Denial often leads to blame instead of figuring what you should be
- There is no should be; only how the world is right now and what the world could be
o Accept the former to reach the latter
- Focus on what you need to do by clearing your mind of things you can do nothing about

Choosing interpretations
- A key skill to be effective is the ability to tell the difference between reality and our interpretations
- Reality is:
o Tangible
o Measurable
o Demonstrable
o Provable
o Objective
- Reality is true or false; Interpretations are not so binary
o E.g.: its really hot vs someone saying its cold – its an interpretation of temperature. However, saying its
28 degree is reality.
o Asking who is right is not sensible – statements of interpretation do not fall in the realm of right or wrong
o They are subjective and dependent on individual belief systems
o When someone says “you felt a aggressive to me in the meeting” – I cannot say I was not aggressive since
its an interpretation. What I can say – “I didn’t mean to come across as aggressive”, “what was aggressive
in my behaviour”
- When we believe our interpretations are facts, we see everyone else as wrong. This stops us from seeing other
people views.
o Thinking interpretations are reality means dismissing other perspectives
o This hinders complex strategic decisions
- Interpretations can be helpful or unhelpful but never true or false
o Choose the interpretation that serves you well – this is a crucial life-skill
o Not easy – the first interpretation that gets generated is usually automatic created by beliefs built up over
lifetime
 If you’re consistently experience negative emotions, you will realize you have chosen an
interpretation which is not helpful for you. In this case you can go back and choose another
interpretation that serves you better.
- Changing interpretations will take a lot of effort but changing beliefs associate with those interpretations can help
us towards interpretations more helpful for us
o Changing beliefs often leads to a change in that automatic interpretation
- Two different types of statements:
o Statement of Reality – Assertions: Delhi is capital of India
o Statements of Interpretations – Declaration: I love you; I forgive you, I am good at math
 Help us change our beliefs

Emotions
- The greatest leaders have learnt how to harness their emotions
o Most of us suppress our negative emotions, however; corporate world has a shared belief that emotions
are irrational
o As children we learn to suppress our emotions rather than listening to them
o Belief that emotional people are weak
o We lose the ability to listen to our emotions
o How are you? Okay (are you really?)
- Different emotions
o Frustration – when we are not achieving what we want, even if we are putting in the efforts
 Suppressing this leads the frustration to build up until you either explode or collapse
o Guilt
 You do something you shouldn’t have done, and need to get in line with your own principles
o Anger
 Someone is violating your boundaries, and you need to reinforce your boundaries
o Resentment
 Need to have a conversation with someone about something
o Anxiety
 An outcome will happen which I don’t want to happen – need to plan out more
- Listen to the emotion when it is just emerging
o Emotions – first sign we get that something is working or not working
o If we listen to what our emotions are telling us, then we can get a handle on them and decide what is
working and what is not
o Next warning will be other people pointing this out
- We should allow ourselves to feel a full range of emotions
- Figure out at the onset what each emotion is telling you – Tiredness: Body needs to sleep
- Controlling emotions leads to explosion or collapse, which reinforces are beliefs that we have to control our
emotions
o Do not wallow in your emotions, but experience them
- One way to start listening to your emotion: Replace sentences you speak with emotions you feel. Eg: Saying you
feel weird – weird is not an emotion, so what do you feel?
- Which emotions do you get comfortable in? Stuck in? Rarely experience? What is the fear that gets in the way of
an emotion?
 How to create value from feedback
- All of the world’s best players have coaches. What is the value of a coach?
o External perspective
o A player cannot observe themselves when he or she is playing
o The coach is an outside point of view
- Feedback may not match our Xs (It is an O)
o Xs – What we feel about ourselves
o Os – External person’s belief about us (feedback)
- We often react to beliefs and value different from ours by dismissing them
o Include the Os in your box (feedback) – it may create patterns and possibilities
o If O doesn’t stick, then you can drop it if you still feel its not valid
o However, if O (feedback sticks), the size of your box has grown
- What makes feedback hard to listen to? Judgement (by self of self)
o Example: If someone calls you chubby, you might feel hurt because you mind your own weight.
o If a feedback hurts you, important to introspect on how you’ve been judging yourself and how to be
gentler to yourself.
o If someone says your report sucks you are stupid –
 If I’m calm, I can say – what in the report doesn’t work for you
 If I’m judging myself, I would say ‘Who are you to call me stupid’?
 Only leads to defensiveness or confrontation
o HEAR the feedback no matter how abusive and extract neutrality from it
- Develop the ability to hear any kind of feedback
- Say thanks to feedback. It is the breakfast of champions

Ownership
- Story-telling exercise: three rules (write about an incident when you felt helpless)
o Convince the reader there was really nothing else that can be done
o The story should be factual
o YOU do not have to believe there was nothing else that could be done
- Two ways of telling a story: Helpless and Ownership
- Helpless:
o There is nothing that I could do, I tried my best
o Three things we blame: other people, situation or ourselvers
o No matter who you blame, you lose power
 Other people – resentment
 Myself – helpless
 Situation – powerless
- Alternative: Ownership story – take responsibility instead of blaming; what could you do differently to fix this
story?
o Immediately leads to the question – what do we need to do?
o Response leads to ability
o How to fix it? What is our learning?
- In ownership story:
o We feel calm, optimistic when we tell an ownership story.
- In helpless story:
o We feel negative and frustrated when we tell a helpless story
o Why do we tell the helpless story?
 Subconscious benefits – getting sympathy, making excuses, protecting your image etc.
 Helpless story = defensive story (we usually tell this story when we feel like we are under attack)
 Helpless – avoiding your fears
 If my subordinate makes a mistake and Im scared it will look me bad and I believe failing
= being a failure, I’ll blame my team to not feel like a failure
- Ownership story
o Need to come out of comfort zone and take risks; can be looked down upon and be judged
o accountability, taking risks, willingness to attack
- While both ownership and helpless story have pros and cons, ONLY the ownership story leads to results
o Ownership – chasing your dreams
o In ownership story – you always have a choice and can always achieve results
- ‘Not everything is under my control but I always have choices’
- Do the things that you fear and then develop confidence, not the other way around
- Its not that when you build confidence, you do the things that you fear. Its as you do the things that you fear that
you build confidence
o If you keep waiting for the right time, you will be waiting for the rest of your life
- Conclusion: Ownership story gives result which helpless story cannot; you pay the price and achieve your results

Win-win
- Kanishka’s story
o Kanishka wanted to set up an office for TWP
o They were willing to pay him a % of sales and not a fixed salary
o He could have either gone back to the corporate world or go with TWP and convert his variable salary
into a fixed one
o Went to his client, Aditya Birla. Needed to propose a win-win situation
o Led to him starting his own company (I will give you this…if you give me this)
o He started thinking about mutual benefit, which led him to start thinking like an entrepreneur
- Ultimate result – every stakeholder in this story got something
- To achieve win-win negotiations
o Have deep conversations to understand what each stakeholder wants
o Win-win is not about altruism or charity, or winning or losing
o Do not see negotiations as win-lose – you will either be dominant or be a martyr
Commitment
- Intention + Mechanism + Externalities = Results
o What % of the result is determined by each of this? What is not?
o Mechanism and externalities are almost irrelevant
o The formula is actually intention = result.
 This takes away the legitimacy of any excuses we may have
o We can also flip this formula – result = intention
 every single result in your life (good or bad) was created by intention
o Confusion due to:
 Defensive Intention: Fear of being a failure, making a mistake, fear of being disappointed, fear of
rejection
 Creative intention: Things you are conscious of - Results, Experience, Principles, and relationship
 Often, we mess up due to defensive intention. Our creative intention is driven by results,
experience, principles etc. however our defensive intentions make us conscious of our fear of
failure, disappointment etc. which may stop us from pursuing our goal actively
o A lot of our intentions are subconscious.
 If we want to know what they are, we should look at our results
o If we like our result, we say it is our intention to produce it. However, if we don’t like the result, we say it
was not our intention.
 We are likely to own our intention if we like the result and not otherwise
- Commitment is always producing the results you say you want (more creative intention)
- The building blocks of commitment
o Ask
o Learn
o Try
 The leadership effectiveness check
- 10 questions
o What do I want? How do I make it happen?
 Consider all areas of life, be specific, push yourself to use numbers
o What are the natural strengths I can use?
 Strengths that show up in all areas of your life
o The area where I am not being effective…
 consistent negative experiences, critical feedback
o The ineffective choice you are currently making in this area
 What you are doing or not doing
o Why are you making this choice?
 distorting belief tricking you into making this choice
o What would be a more empowering belief?
 Different ways to look at this to make it more helpful
o What I notice about the way I have been thinking just now…
o What strength do I consciously want to develop?
 On top of existing natural strength
o What price am I willing to pay?
 No free lunches; emotional prices
o Feedback (actively request feedback from people you trust)

The Range Model of Development

Part 1
- People are told that they need to be themselves and ALSO transform themselves
o This is often contradictory
- The range model of development:
o Light (yellow) – the natural effortless strength you
have (things that come very easily to you) Eg:
Logical
o Burn (red) – when your natural strengths become a
weakness (when taken too far, their ineffective range)
Eg: Cold
o Shade (grey) – extending the effective range of your
strength (for example if you are logical, you can try to
develop your more empathetic side). This is hard
because you often see that shade as a weakness (you
are afraid it will go into the shadow stage)
o Shadow (black) is once again an ineffective range
- These ranges can be flipped around and still
make sense (different for different people)
- Assertive (light), pushy (burn), considerate
(shade), pushover (shadow)
- You find it hard to tell the difference
between shade and shadow
- As you experiment, you will slowly find the
right balance. Your centre of gravity
(average behaviour), however, will not
change that much
- Only those who risk too far know how far
they can go. Do not be afraid to go to the
shadow phase

Part 2
- Steve Jobs (innovative – light)
- He did not deliver his own shade but hired John Sculley (outsourced)
- Sculley was not willing to enter his shadow
- Soon, all Steve Jobs’ lights became burns (his micromanagement became control, for example) and he was sacked
- At Pixar, he was forced to enter his shadow (he was not an expert here, had to delegate)
- When he came back to Apple, he had both the shade and the light (extended effective range)
- Your light is your accelerator and your break is your shade
- How to enter your shadow? Find the people you hate, identify their characteristics and develop a little bit of that!
(You may hate them because you are resisting their characteristics)

Part 3
- Reading the questionnaire
- Dominant strengths are in lighter yellow, bright yellow ones are what you are remembered for
- Strengths taken too far can become burns. Darker orange means more of a weakness, lighter orange means less
- If you develop strengths in the shade column, the weaknesses in the burn column are LESS likely to show up
- The darker the cell is in the grey column, the less dark the corresponding orange cell is likely to be
- Hard to develop shade because you are afraid you will start displaying shadow behaviours (these are the
behaviours you really avoid in yourself and others)
- Because you run away from them, you end up in the burn column
- These skills can be broken down according to the 5 principles of effective leadership – clarity, honesty,
ownership, win-win and commitment