School of Languages & English

Intermediate: Reading & Writing

Writing Feedback Cover Sheet 1: Second Draft

Student
Name: Nguyen Ngoc Phuong Thao S3914327
number:
Brandon
S32105A July 8,2021
Class: Teachers: Thompson Date:
Word
320
Count:

Click on the box to cross it
I have used Arial.
I have used font size 12
I have double spaced
☒ I would like my teacher to give me feedback about this
☒ essay and point out my mistakes in detail to help me
have many experiences and try to improve better.
☒ Moreover, I hope I can pass level 3 easily due to the
☒ many lessons that you taught me 10 weeks ago.

Student self – assessment: Select Good OK or need to improve for each area

Response & Revision Grammar

A full description OK Range of structures OK

Correct sentence
Used peer feedback to OK
structure, subject verb OK
improve agreement and
punctuation
Structure & Planning Vocabulary
Logically ordered,
cohesive (linking words, OK New vocabulary OK
pronouns)
Made and followed a OK
Spelling & Word OK
plan. Forms

I confirm this is my own work………………………………………☒

January, 2017
School of Languages & English
Intermediate: Reading & Writing

Name Nguyen Ngoc

Phuong Thao
Student Number
S3914327
Class Code S32105A

How can people in your country be encouraged to live healthier

lives?

One of the most important aspects of human life is health. According to researchers in
Vietnam, the medical problems are seriously increasing. The number of people who have life
expectancy in recent years has decreased significantly. This essay discusses the causes of
this situation that affects people’s health and gives some advice to improve the quality of
people’s health and life.

So, what’s the cause of people’s poor health? New studies show that people presently
spend all of their time doing daily activities such as learning, working and traveling resulting
in forgetting their health. This is the main problem leading to bad health situations. Another
problem to consider is that many people have slow economic conditions to take care of their
health. Everyone’s life in Vietnam is still facing many difficulties, so it is not possible to
guarantee everyone's living conditions. In addition, there are many other factors, such as
genetic diseases from parents or family members, that have an impact on people's health
and life expectancy.

Researchers have found that physical activities and having a balanced diet are the best
choices for great health. In terms of physical activities, they have a variety of activities
relying on the preferences of each person. For example, some people take part in gym, yoga
or meditation classes and they play sports such as football, basketball and tennis. This
solution not only supports good health by reducing the risk of serious illness but also
improves emotion. Moreover, we should mix physical activities and have a balanced diet that
includes many vegetables, fruits to promote mineral health and supplement necessary
nutrients like vitamins, dairy products and carbohydrates.

In summary, I believe that as citizens of a nation, we have a responsibility to work together

with the government to help develop a healthy country. Remember that when you look after
your health, you are also looking after the health of your family and the community.

Words: 320

January, 2017