Exactly how to do shadow work (an easy

6-step process)
by Suzanne Heyn September 3, 2020
Even considering years of therapy, a much-regretted stint of medication in college,
hours upon hours of mindset work in my journal (affirming positive thoughts and
beliefs), nothing has healed me more than shadow work.

Shadow work refers to the process of understanding (and loving) the rejected
pieces of ourselves, our darkness.

This includes emotions viewed as negative like hatred, anger, jealousy, greed and

neediness.

It also includes the most pained, injured parts of ourselves, the parts most
vulnerable, those we wish didn’t exist and that we often pave over with facades of
toughness that often end up sabotaging our happiness.

As a love-related example, think of a woman who longs for a very masculine man
to love, but interacts with men from a place of masculine energy because of
unhealed trauma.

Unhealed trauma increases a woman’s masculine energy because she feels she has
to protect herself. She doesn’t feel safe.

In this example with love, the woman would lead from her masculine energy,
therefore repelling masculine men while attracting more feminine men, (or pulling
feminine energy out of a man she's already with).

Attraction requires polarity, and a masculine woman will always attract a more

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feminine male.

(I realize there’s a lot of gender descriptions in here that may offend some people,
but that’s not my intention. I’m speaking very specifically to one type of
relationship, understanding that not everyone desires that type of relationship.)

These unhealed wounds would ultimately compel this hypothetical woman to

continue protecting herself or mothering the man, which results in her never
receiving the kind of love she so deeply desires.

This is one example, but unhealed inner pains and the ways we have adapted in
response in order to feel safe affect every area of our lives, including love and
romance, work, money, friendships and health.

Another example, one common reason that people struggle to lose weight is
because they are protecting themselves from past painful experiences. A sexual
assault survivor may pack on pounds in a subconscious effort to feel unattractive
and less targeted.

Of course sometimes people eat to avoid feeling, but I’ve often heard of people
who can’t lose weight even if they’re ‘doing everything right.’

If a part of you feels unsafe in receiving the thing you most desire, your
subconscious will not, under any circumstances, let yourself create it.

Science has discovered the our decisions are mostly made by our subconscious
minds and rationalized by our logical minds.

This is how unconscious, unhealed pains affect our decision making, behaviors,
attitudes, and ultimately our lives. This is also why shadow work is in my view
non-negotiable, not only so you can feel happy, but also so you can achieve your
goals.

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Shadow work helps you release past pain so you can
feel positive about the future in two main ways:

1. Healing requires feeling the original pain

When you were young and felt shame, fear, anger or sadness, you didn’t have the
tools to process that pain.

We idolized our parents and saw them as the source of everything. When bad
things happened, or we felt painful emotions, our natural response was to blame
ourselves.

Unfortunately, when pain isn’t processed, it stays in your nervous system. (This is
why some people cannot relax. They're constantly guarding themselves against
unhealed past pain.)

I’ve heard it said that we continue re-creating similar experiences in an effort to

close the loop, that is to properly process the emotion and release it.

Either way, unhealed pain causes us to spend our lives stuck in trauma responses
disguised as seemingly unsolvable problems. The problems become solvable once
we heal the original pain.

For example, in high school I feel very isolated after my dad and sister died. This
opened the door to a very toxic friendship my senior year during which I allowed a
woman to isolate me from my other friends. She eventually hurt me very deeply.

In my adult life, I often veer toward solitude. I’ve also had problems making
female friends, mostly because I’ve turned into a hermit.

And I am introverted...

But not too long ago I realized that I’m continuing to act out the trauma of my
youth by staying home so much. A part of me was still that teenage girl, shut
inside, feeling alone and unworthy of friendships.

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After doing shadow work around this, I found the courage to contact one of my old
friends, and the conversation was so healing!

Healing the original pain through the shadow work processes I’m going to teach
you was DEEPLY painful.

These are pains I’ve avoided for 20 years. But it was also incredibly freeing.

Aftewards, I felt weightless and connected to my worthiness in a whole new way.

I know that as things calm down with the pandemic, I will be really excited to go
out and meet new people because unhealed past pains are no longer keeping a part
of me stuck in the past, subconsciously replaying it.

This is one reason why talk therapy isn’t always effective. Talking about our
problems doesn’t necessarily solve them.

Feeling the pain at the root of our problems is what solves them.

Exploring your inner mysteries, working to unravel them and understand yourself,
is the adventure of a lifetime. Which brings me to the next reason why shadow
work is so powerful —

2. The soul speaks in symbols, not logic

We often try to figure things out: ourselves, our problems, why we do or don’t do
certain things. But the only time things make sense is when we look backward,
after knowing the reasons why.

We must feel our way into understanding ourselves and our problems. Figuring
things out leaves us at the mind level, the world of logic and reason, but the soul
speaks to us through symbols and emotion.

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Shadow work allows you to follow the trail of emotion to the source of your
problem. This is what I'm going to teach you how to do.

After unhealed painful experiences, the resulting beliefs and behavioral patterns
invade every corner of our psyches like a weed, impacting our ability to realize our
desires.

The problems these pains cause can be understood symbolically, but not logically.

Look back to my example with my problems with making friends. For a long time,
I worried I had trouble making friends because I was a bad person.

After healing that, I still felt nervous around new people, wondering if I was doing
or saying the right thing. Deep down, I still didn’t feel worthy of friendship.

One could easily have said I had social anxiety, but that would be a symptom, and
not the cause.

Even after realizing that I had problems with female friendships because I had a
troubled relationship with my mother (just like troubles with male relationships
typically reflect issues we have with our fathers), that awareness in itself wasn’t
enough to make me feel confident around other women.

It took going back and feeling into the pain, doing the shadow work processes I
teach, to understand what specific events in my life were affecting my ability to
make friendships and — most importantly — to feel and heal the original pain.

After you heal things within, things outside change — fast.

Just the next night, my husband and I went to dinner with a couple, and I enjoyed
making an amazing connection with a possible new friend.

There is a very targeted, powerful way of working with the shadow that I'm going

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to teach you.

First, why is my shadow work process so effective?

It just so happens the brain stores memory and emotion in the same place in our
brain, the amygdala.

Part of the reason the painful past sticks around so long is because emotion has
literally encoded it into our brains.

But this is a good thing, too.

The shadow work process I’ll teach you rides this association so you can identify
(and heal) the true source of your suffering.

This is powerful because as mentioned earlier, the soul speaks to us in symbols

rather than logic.

You may be experiencing a problem that’s a symbolic representation of an earlier

pain that you cannot, for the life of you, ‘figure out.’

With shadow work, you don’t have to. There’s nothing to figure out, only to feel. If
you can follow the trail of emotion and work with your original pain, you can heal.

During this process, you'll discover a lot about yourself. As you do shadow work,
the reasons why you're experiencing suffering or roadblock after roadblock while
trying to acheive your goals will become obvious.

Our addictions, bad habits and other frustrating patterns all exist on some level to
keep us safe.

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As you discover your inner self's reason for keeping you safe in this way, you give
yourself the freedom to find that safety in other ways, freeing you from being held
back by things that don't make any logical sense.

As soon as you release a past pain, you will feel so weightless and at peace. Your
energy changes, how you move and hold yourself changes. What you do changes.
And then your results change.

Because everything is related in the deep, symbolic recesses of our inner

worlds, healing one thing often creates positive changes in unrelated areas.

For example, I've been doing a lot of shadow work on self-worth, especially related
to friendships, and it's helped me own the value of my gifts more.

It’s not always this effortless of course, but the true hard work is in excavating
deep in your soul and feeling very painful things. It will not be fun.

Some people avoid it, but that's no good because then you never expand beyond
your current problems. You can either face your pain or allow it to control you
forever. Either way it's painful, so you may as well face it head on.

Shadow work is the true work that will change your life.

Here is my signature 6-step shadow work process to

heal original wounds:

As a beginning access point (the shadow work workshop gives you four different

ways to enter the work), identify a difficulty you’re having that you want to work
with.

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1. How does it feel? Sit and breathe into that emotion.
Anchoring into the present-day feeling will help you follow the trail of that feeling
to its origin.

2. What word, memory or image first comes to mind?

Don’t push yourself too heavily here to come up with something that feels overly
meaningful. Just notice the first thing that comes up. Whatever comes up has
meaning.

Sometimes multiple things show up.

In the Shadow work workshop, I tell you exactly what to do when that happens. It's
important to know this because it's common to spin around in circles and never get
anywhere.

3. Go into that memory or image. Connect with your

inner child.
Simply set the intention and energetically reach out to the essence of whatever
appears in your inner awareness.

4. Allow her to speak to you and you to speak to her.

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A lot of people skip the step of allowing your inner child to speak to you. But I
love having back and forth conversations. It’s very healing.

Here is another place where people tend to get stuck a lot and potentially churn in
circles without making progress.

In the Shadow work workshop, you'll learn what those mistakes are and what to do
instead.

5. Continue this dialogue until you feel a sense of

completion.
Follow your intuition on this! A lot of times people want specific guidance, but it’s
truly different every time.

Sometimes people hit a wall here, too. They're still at the level of their inner child
and don't know how to move beyond this, or how to see it differently.

In the Shadow work workshop, I give you exact guidance for moving past that
roadblock to healing and transformation.

6. Sit with any residual feelings and allow them to

dissolve.
(Sometimes simply feeling your feelings is enough to create healing.)

This is SO powerful. Sensitive people in particular NEED to have a daily feeling

practice.

In the Shadow work workshop, you'll receive extras including a 20-minute Feeling

Awareness meditation to process your emotions. I recommend doing this daily if
you're processing a lot, or as needed whenever you feel emotional.

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Just like you need to sweep the floors often, you also need to clear emotional
debris from your being. The FA meditation is the technique I recommend to do
this.

Within the workshop extras, I also share my favorite yin yoga practice to move
painful emotional energy through your body, based on the chakra system. This is
SO healing.

Problems you may encounter along the way:

You can definitely do shadow work on your own, but many people encounter
situations they aren't sure how to navigate through.

What do you do if multiple memories pop up?

What if you can't tap into a memory at all?

What happens if you don't know what to say to your inner child, you get stuck
and you don't know how to proceed?

How does the process really work? It'd be helpful to hear an example of an
actual session.

The most difficult time for me is to find the entry point. Could you give some
suggestions about that?

You will find the answers to all of these questions and a ton more inside
the Shadow work workshop.

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This workshop gives you a complete and total system to let go of the past and
feel more hopeful about the future — even if you've tried other methods and
they haven't worked.

This is the main work I do on myself all the time, and what helped me heal
from trauma and depression to feel worthy and love myself.

It's time to let go of the past and feel more positive about the future.

The video workshop is on sale right now, so check it out!

Shadow Work The Ultimate Guide +

Free Psychological Test
by Aletheia Luna · Mar 6, 2021 · 224 Comments

All of us carry demons inside.

Sometimes we catch fleeting glimpses of them, sometimes we witness

them in full frontal chaos, but for the most part, we ignore and bury
their existence either out of fear, guilt or pure shame. However,
discovering and owning our demons is a vital part of our spiritual
journey .

As authors and psychotherapist Steve Wolf noted:

Beneath the social mask we wear every day, we have a hidden shadow
side: an impulsive, wounded, sad, or isolated part that we generally try
to ignore.  The Shadow can be a source of emotional richness and
vitality, and acknowledging it can be a pathway to healing and an
authentic life.
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In other words, the Shadow isn’t just the wounded part of us, but it is
also the path towards a more authentic and fulfilling life. In order to
repair, heal, and grow on a mental, emotional, and spiritual level, we
need to practice Shadow Work.

Shadow Work is a practice that helps us to become whole again. It

works on the premise that you must 100% OWN your Shadow,
rather than avoiding or repressing it, to experience deep healing.

This daunting and often frightening task is a requirement of every

person. But you don’t have to go at it alone.

In this long and detailed guide, I will offer you a helping hand. Having
studied and worked with the Shadow for years, I’ll share with you some
of the best tools, insights, and advice that I have gathered thus far.

Please note: Shadow Work exercises should not  be undertaken if you

struggle with low self-esteem. Exploring your demons will likely make
you feel a million times worse about yourself and may spiral into self-
hatred. Before doing Shadow Work, I strongly and
emphatically encourage you to work on Self-Love . Shadow Work
should only be undertaken by those who have healthy and stable self-
worth, and a friendly relationship with themselves. See this article
on how to love yourself  for more guidance.

T a b le o f c o nte nts
 Why Focusing Only on the Light is a Form of Escapism

 What is the Human Shadow?

 What is Shadow Work?

 Do We All Have a Shadow Self?

 How is Our Shadow Side Formed?

 What is the Golden Shadow?

 What Happens When You Reject Your Shadow?

 The Shadow and Projection (a Dangerous Mix)

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  Twelve Benefits of Shadow Work

 Seven Tips For Approaching Shadow Work

 How to Practice Shadow Work

 Shadow Work Q&A

 Shadow Self Test

 Own Your Shadow and You Will Own Your Life

W h y Fo c u s i ng O nl y on t he Li gh t i s a
F or m o f E s c a pis m
For most of my life, I’ve grown up firmly believing that the only thing
worthy of guiding me was “light” and “love.” Whether through the
family environment I was raised in, or the cultural myths I was
brought up clinging to, I once believed that all you really needed to do
in life to be happy was to focus on everything beautiful, positive and
spiritually “righteous.” I’m sure you were raised believing a similar
story as well. It’s a sort of “Recipe for Well-Being.”

But a few years ago, after battling ongoing mental health issues, I
realized something shocking:

I was wrong.

Not just wrong, but completely and utterly off the mark. Focusing only
on “love and light” will not heal your wounds on a deep level. In fact,
I’ve learned through a lot of heavy inner work, that not only is focusing
solely on “holiness” in life one side of the equation, but it is actually a
form of spiritually bypassing  your deeper, darker problems that, let me
assure you, almost definitely  exist.

It is very easy and comfortable to focus only on the light side of life. So
many people in today’s world follow this path. And while it might
provide some temporary emotional support, it doesn’t reach to the

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depths of your being: it doesn’t transform you at a core level. Instead,
it leaves you superficially hanging onto warm and fuzzy platitudes
which sound nice, but don’t enact any real change.

What DOES touch the very depths of your being, however, is exploring
your Shadow.

W h a t is t he H uma n Sh a d ow?
In short, the human shadow is our dark side; our lost and forgotten
disowned self. Your shadow is the place within you that
contains all of your secrets, repressed feelings, primitive
impulses, and parts deemed “unacceptable,” shameful,
“sinful” or even “evil.” This dark place lurking within your
unconscious mind also contains suppressed and rejected emotions
such as rage, jealousy, hatred, greed, deceitfulness, and selfishness.

So where did the Shadow Self idea originate? The concept was
originally coined and explored by Swiss psychiatrist and
psychoanalyst, Carl Jung. In Jung’s own words:

Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the

individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.

When the human Shadow is shunned, it tends to undermine and

sabotage our lives. Addictions, low self-esteem, mental illness, chronic
illnesses, and various neuroses are all attributed to the Shadow Self.
When our Shadows are suppressed or repressed in the unconscious
long enough, they can even overtake our entire lives and causes
psychosis or extreme forms of behavior like cheating on one’s partner
or physically harming others. Intoxicants such as alcohol and drugs
also have a tendency to unleash the Shadow.

Thankfully, there is a way to explore the Shadow and prevent it from

devouring our existence, and that is called Shadow Work.

W h a t is S ha do w W or k?

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Shadow work is the process of exploring your inner darkness or
“Shadow Self. ” As mentioned previously, your Shadow Self is part of
your unconscious mind and contains everything you feel ashamed of
thinking and feeling, as well as every impulse, repressed idea, desire,
fear and perversion that for one reason or another, you have “locked
away” consciously or unconsciously. Often this is done as a way of
keeping yourself tame, likable and “civilized” in the eyes of others.

Shadow work is the attempt to uncover everything that we

have hidden and every part of us that has been disowned and
rejected within our Shadow Selves. Why? Because without
revealing to ourselves what we have hidden, we remain burdened with
problems such as anger, guilt, shame, disgust, and grief.

All throughout the history of mankind Shadow Work has played a

powerful yet mysterious and occult role in helping us discover what is
causing us mental illness, physical dis-ease and even insanity resulting
in crimes of all kinds.

Traditionally, Shadow Work fell in the realm of the Shamans , or

medicine people, as well as the priests and priestesses of the archaic
periods of history.  These days, Shadow Work falls more commonly in
the realms of psychotherapy, with psychologists, psychiatrists,
spiritual guides, and therapists.

D o W e Al l Ha ve a S ha dow S e l f?
Yes, we ALL have a Shadow Self (see our Collective Shadow  article for
a deeper explanation).

As uncomfortable as it may sound, there is a dark side

within every human being. Why is this the case? The reason why all
human beings have a shadow is due to the way we were raised as
human beings, often referred to as our ‘conditioning.’ (We’ll explore
how the Shadow is formed next.)

“But I’m a good person! I don’t have a ‘shadow’ side,” you might be
thinking. Well, the reality is that yes, you might be a good person. In
fact, you might be the most generous, loving, and selfless person in
the entire world. You might feed the hungry, save puppies, and donate
half of your salary to the poor. But that doesn’t exclude you from
having a Shadow. There are no exceptions here. The nature of

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being human is to possess both a light and a dark side, and we need to
embrace that.

Sometimes, when people hear that they have a Shadow side (or when it
is pointed out), there is a lot of denial. We have been taught to perceive
ourselves in a very two-dimensional and limited way. We have been
taught that only criminals, murderers, and thieves have a Shadow side.
This black and white thinking is one of the major causes of our
suffering.

If the thought of having a Shadow side disturbs you, take a moment to

consider whether you have developed an idealized self. Signs of an
idealized self include attitudes such as:

 “I’m not like those people, I’m better.”

 “I have never strayed.”

 “God is proud of me.”

 “Criminals and wrongdoers aren’t human.”

 “Everyone sees how good I am (even so, I have to remind them).”

 “I’m a role model.”

 “I should be validated and applauded for my good deeds.”

 “I don’t have bad thoughts, so why do others?”

Such perceptions about oneself are unrealistic, unhealthy, and

largely delusional. The only way to find inner peace , happiness,
authentic love, self-fulfillment, and Illumination is to explore our
Shadows.

H ow is O ur S ha do w Si de F or me d?

Your Shadow side is formed in childhood and is both (a) a product of

natural ego  development, and (b) a product of conditioning or
socialization. Socialization is the process of learning to behave in a way
that is acceptable to society.

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When we are born, we are are all full of potential, with the ability to
survive and develop in a variety of ways. As time goes on, we learn
more and more to become a certain type of person. Slowly, due to our
circumstances and preferences, we begin to adopt certain character
traits and reject others. For example, if we are born into a family that
shows little interpersonal warmth, we will develop personality traits
that make us self-sufficient and perhaps standoffish or mind-oriented.
If we are born into a family that rewards compliance and shuns
rebellion, we will learn that being submissive works, and thus adopt
that as part of our ego structure.

As authors and Jungian therapists Steve Price and David Haynes write:

But, as we develop our ego personality, we also do something else at

the same time. What has happened to all those parts of our original
potential that we didn’t develop? They won’t just cease to exist: they
will still be there, as potential or as partly developed, then rejected,
personality attributes, and they will live on in the unconscious as an
alternative to the waking ego. So, by the very act of creating a
specifically delineated ego personality, we have also created its
opposite in the unconscious. This is the shadow. Everyone has one.

As we can see, developing the Shadow Self is a natural part of

development.

But you also formed an alter ego due to social conditioning, i.e. your
parents, family members, teachers, friends, and society at large all
contributed to your Shadow.

How?

Well here’s the thing: polite society operates under certain

rules. In other words, certain behaviors and characteristics are
approved of, while others are shunned. Take anger for example. Anger
is an emotion that is commonly punished while growing up. Throwing
tantrums, swearing, and destroying things was frowned upon by our
parents and teachers. Therefore, many of us learned that expressing
anger was not “OK.” Instead of being taught healthy ways to express
our anger, we were punished sometimes physically (with smacks or
being grounded), and often emotionally (withdrawal of love and
affection).

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There are countless behaviors, emotions, and beliefs that are rejected
in society, and thus, are rejected by ourselves. In order to fit in, be
accepted, approved, and loved, we learned to act a certain
way. We adopted a role that would ensure our mental, emotional, and
physical survival. But at the same time, wearing a mask has
consequences. What happened to all the authentic, wild, socially taboo
or challenging parts of ourselves? They were trapped in the Shadow.

What happens as we grow up?

Through time, we learn to both enjoy, and despise, our socially-

approved egos because, on the one hand, they make us feel good and
“lovable,” but on the other hand, they feel phony and inhibited.

Therapist Steve Wolf has a perfect analogy that describes this process:

Each of us is like Dorian Grey . We seek to present a beautiful, innocent

face to the world; a kind, courteous demeanour; a youthful, intelligent
image. And so, unknowingly but inevitably, we push away those
qualities that do not fit the image, that do not enhance our self-esteem
and make us stand proud but, instead, bring us shame and make us
feel small. We shove into the dark cavern of the unconscious those
feelings that make us uneasy — hatred, rage, jealousy, greed,
competition, lust, shame — and those behaviours that are deemed
wrong by the culture — addiction, laziness, aggression, dependency —
thereby creating what could be called shadow content. Like Dorian’s
painting, these qualities ultimately take on a life of their own, forming
and invisible twin that lives just behind our life, or just beside it …

But while the Shadow Self may be portrayed as our “evil twin,” it is not
entirely full of “bad” stuff. There is actually gold to be found within the
Shadow.

W h a t is t he G ol de n S ha do w?
Jung once states that “the shadow is ninety percent pure gold.” What
this means is that there are many beautiful gifts offered to us by
our Shadow side if we take the time to look. For example, so much
of our creative potential is submerged within our darkness because we
were taught when little to reject it.

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Not everything within our Shadow is doom and gloom. In fact, the
Shadow contains some of our most powerful gifts and talents,
such as our artistic, sexual, competitive, innovative, and even
intuitive aptitudes.

The ‘Golden Shadow’ also presents us with the opportunity for

tremendous psychological and spiritual growth. By doing Shadow
Work, we learn that every single emotion and wound that we possess
has a gift to share with us. Even the most obnoxious, “ugly,” or
shameful parts of ourselves provide a path back to Oneness . Such is
the power of the Shadow – it is both a terrifying journey, but is
ultimately a path to Enlightenment or Illumination. Every spiritual
path needs Shadow Work in order to prevent the issues from
happening that we’ll explore next.

W h a t Ha ppe ns W he n Yo u R e je c t Y ou r
S ha do w?

When shadow-work is neglected, the soul feels dry, brittle, like an

empty vessel. — S. Wolf

Rejecting, suppressing, denying, or disowning your Shadow, whether

consciously or unconsciously, is a dangerous thing. The thing about the
Shadow Self is that it seeks  to be known. It yearns  to be understood,
explored, and integrated. It craves to be held in awareness. The longer
the Shadow stays buried and locked in its jail cell deep within the
unconscious, the more it will find opportunities to make  you aware of
its existence.

Both religion and modern spirituality  have a tendency to focus on the

“love and light” aspects of spiritual growth to their own doom. This
over-emphasis on the fluffy, transcendental, and feel-good
elements of a spiritual awakening  results in shallowness and
phobia of whatever is too real, earthy, or dark.

Spiritually bypassing one’s inner darkness results in a whole range of

serious issues. Some of the most common and reoccurring Shadow
issues that appear in the spiritual/religious community include
pedophilia among priests, financial manipulation of followers among

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gurus, and of course, megalomania, narcissism, and God complexes
among spiritual teachers.

Other issues that arise when we reject our Shadow side can include:

 Hypocrisy (believing and supporting one thing, but doing the

other)

 Lies and self-deceit  (both towards oneself and others)

 Uncontrollable bursts of rage/anger

 Emotional and mental manipulation of others

 Greed and addictions

 Phobias and obsessive compulsions

 Racist, sexist, homophobic, and other offensive behavior

 Intense anxiety

 Chronic psychosomatic illness

 Depression (which can turn into suicidal tendencies)

 Sexual perversion

 Narcissistically inflated ego

 Chaotic relationships with others

 Self-loathing

 Self-absorption

 Self-sabotage

… and many others. This is by no means a comprehensive list (and

there are likely many other issues out there). As we’ll learn next, one of
the greatest ways we reject our Shadows is through psychological
projection.

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T he S ha do w a nd P ro je c t io n ( a Da n ge r ou s
M i x)
One of the biggest forms of Shadow rejection is something
called projection . Projection is a term that refers to seeing
things in others that are actually within ourselves.

When we pair projection and the Shadow Self together, we have a

dangerous mix.

Why?

Because as psychotherapist Robert A. Johnson writes:

We generally seek to punish that which reminds us most

uncomfortable about the part of ourselves that we have not come to
terms with, and we often ‘see’ these disowned qualities in the world
around us.

There are many different ways we ‘punish’ those who are mirrors of
our Shadow qualities. We may criticize, reject, hate,
dehumanize, or even in extreme cases, physically or
psychologically seek to destroy them (think of countries who go
at war with the “enemies”). None of us are innocent in this area. We
have ALL projected parts of our rejected self onto others. In fact,
Shadow projection is a major cause of relationship dysfunction and
break down.

If we are seeking to bring peace, love, and meaning to our lives, we

absolutely MUST reclaim these projections. Through Shadow Work, we
can explore exactly what we have disowned.

T w e lv e B e ne fi ts o f Sh a d ow W o rk
Firstly, I want to say that I have the highest respect for Shadow Work.
It is the single most  important path I’ve taken to uncover my core
wounds, core beliefs , traumas , and projections. I have also observed
how Shadow Work has helped to create profound clarity,
understanding, harmony, acceptance, release, and inner peace in the
lives of others. It is truly deep work that makes changes on the Soul

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level targeting the very roots of our issues, not just the superficial
symptoms.

There is SO much to be gained from making Shadow Work a part of

your life, and daily routine. Here are some of the most commonly
experienced benefits:

1. Deeper love and acceptance of yourself

2. Better relationships with others, including your partner and

children

3. More confidence to be your authentic self

4. More mental, emotional, and spiritual clarity

5. Increased compassion and understanding for others, particularly

those you dislike

6. Enhanced creativity

7. Discovery of hidden gifts and talents

8. Deepened understanding of your passions and ultimate life

purpose

9. Improved physical and mental health

10. More courage to face the unknown and truly live life

11. Access to your Soul or Higher Self

12. A feeling of Wholeness

It’s important to remember that there are no quick fixes in Shadow

Work, so these life-changing benefits don’t just happen overnight. But
with persistence, they will eventually emerge and bless your life.

S e ve n Ti ps Fo r A pp roa c h in g Sh a d ow
W o rk

Before you begin Shadow Work, it’s important for you to assess
whether you’re ready to embark on this journey. Not everyone is
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prepared for this deep work, and that’s fine. We’re all at different
stages. So pay attention to the following questions and try to answer
them honestly:

 **Have you practiced self-love yet?** If not, Shadow Work

will be too overwhelming for you. I have starred this bullet point
because it is essential for you to consider. Shadow Work should
not be attempted by those who have poor self-worth or
struggle with self-loathing. In other words: if you struggle
with severely low self-esteem, please do not attempt Shadow
Work. I emphatically warn you against doing it. Why? If you
struggle with extremely poor self-worth , exploring your Shadows
will likely make you feel ten times worse about yourself. Before
you walk this path, you absolutely must establish a strong and
healthy self-image. No, you don’t have to think you’re God’s gift to
the world, but having average self-worth is important. Try taking
this self-esteem test  to explore whether you’re ready (but first,
don’t forget to finish this article!).

 Are you prepared to make time? Shadow Work is not a

lukewarm practice. You are either all in or all out. Yes, it is
important to take a break from it time to time. But Shadow Work
requires dedication, self-discipline, and persistence. Are you
willing to intentionally carve out time each day to dedicate to it?
Even just ten minutes a day is a good start.

 Are you looking to be validated or to find the truth? As

you probably know by now, Shadow Work isn’t about making you
feel special. It isn’t like typical spiritual paths which are focused
on the feel-good. No, Shadow Work can be brutal and extremely
confronting. This is a path for truth seekers, not those who are
seeking to be validated.

 Seek to enter a calm and neutral space. It is important to

try and relax when doing Shadow Work. Stress and judgmental  or
critical attitudes will inhibit the process. So please try to
incorporate a calming meditation or mindfulness technique into
whatever you do.

 Understand that you are not your thoughts. It

is essential  for you to realize that you are not your thoughts for
Shadow Work to be healing and liberating. Only from your calm
and quiet Center (also known as your Soul) can you truly be aware
of your Shadow aspects. By holding them in awareness, you will
see them clearly for what they are, and realize that they ultimately

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 don’t define you; they are simply rising and falling mental
phenomena.

 Practice self-compassion. It is of paramount importance to

incorporate compassion and self-acceptance  into your Shadow
Work practice. Without showing love and understanding to
yourself, it is easy for Shadow Work to backfire and make you feel
terrible. So focus on generating self-love and compassion, and you
will be able to release any shame and embrace your humanity.

 Record everything you find. Keep a written journal or

personal diary in which you write down, or draw, your discoveries.
Recording your dreams, observations, and analysis will help you to
learn and grow more effectively. You’ll also be able to keep track of
your process and make important connections.

H ow t o Pr a c tic e Sh a d ow W o rk
There are many Shadow Work techniques and exercises out there. In
this guide, I will provide a few to help you start off. I’ll also share a few
examples from my own life:

1. Pay attention to your emotional reactions

In this practice, you’ll learn that what you give power to has power
over you. Let me explain:

One Shadow Work practice I enjoy a great deal is paying attention to

everything that shocks, disturbs and secretly thrills me. Essentially,
this practice is about finding out what I’ve given power to in my life
unconsciously, because:

what we place importance in – whether good or bad – says a

lot about us.

The reality is that what we react to, or what makes us angry and
distressed, reveals extremely important information to us about
ourselves.

For example, by following where my “demons” have taken me –

whether in social media, family circles, workspaces and public places –

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I have discovered two important things about myself. The first one is
that I’m a control freak; I hate feeling vulnerable, powerless and weak .
. . it quite simply scares the living hell out of me. How did I discover
this? Through my intense dislike of witnessing rape scenes in movies
and TV shows, my negative reaction to novel experiences (e.g. roller
coaster rides, public speaking, etc.), as well as my discomfort
surrounding sharing information about my life with others in
conversations. Also, by following where my “demons” have guided me
I’ve discovered that I’m being burdened by an exasperating guilt
complex that I developed through my religious upbringing. A part of
me wants to feel unworthy because that is what I’ve developed a habit
of feeling since childhood (e.g. “You’re a sinner,” “It’s your fault Jesus
was crucified”), and therefore, that is what I secretly feel comfortable
with feeling: unworthy. So my mind nit-picks anything I might have
done “wrong,” and I’m left with the feeling of being “bad” – which I’m
used to, but nevertheless, this is destructive for my well-being.

Thanks to this practice, I have welcomed more compassion,

mindfulness, and forgiveness into my life.

Paying attention to your emotional reactions can help you to discover

exactly how your core wounds  are affecting you on a daily basis.

How to Pay Attention to Your Emotional Reactions

To effectively pay attention to your emotional reactions (I call it

“following the trail of your inner demons”), you first need to cultivate:

1. Self-awareness

Without being conscious of what you’re doing, thinking, feeling and

saying, you won’t progress very far.

If, however, you are fairly certain that you’re self-aware (or enough to
start the process), you will then need to:

2. Adopt an open mindset

You will need to have the courage and willingness to observe

EVERYTHING uncomfortable you place importance in, and ask “why?”
What do I mean by the phrase “placing importance in”? By this, I mean

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that, whatever riles, shocks, infuriates, disturbs and terrifies
you, you must pay attention to. Closely.

Likely, you will discover patterns constantly emerging in your life. For
example, you might be outraged or embarrassed every time sex
appears in a TV show or movie you like (possibly revealing sexual
repression or mistaken beliefs about sex that you’ve adopted
throughout life). Or you might be terrified of seeing death or dead
people (possibly revealing your resistance to the nature of life or a
childhood trauma). Or you might be disgusted by alternative political,
sexual and spiritual lifestyles (possibly revealing your hidden desire to
do the same).

There are so many possibilities out there, and I encourage you to go
slowly, take your time, and one by one pick through what you place
importance in.

“But I DON’T place importance in gross, bad or disturbing things in

life, how could I? I don’t care for them!” you might be asking.

Well, think for a moment. If you didn’t place so much importance on

what makes you angry, disgusted or upset . . . why would you be
reacting to it so much? The moment you emotionally react to
something is the moment you have given that thing power
over you. Only that which doesn’t stir up emotions in us is not
important to us.

See what you respond to and listen to what your Shadow is trying to
teach you.

2. Artistically Express Your Shadow Self

Art is the highest form of self-expression and is also a great way to
allow your Shadow to manifest itself.  Psychologists often use art
therapy  as a way to help patients explore their inner selves.

Start by allowing yourself to feel (or drawing on any existing) dark

emotions. Choose an art medium that calls to you such as pen and
pencil, watercolor, crayon, acrylic paint, scrapbooking, sculpting, etc.
and draw what you feel. You don’t need to consider yourself an ‘artist’
to benefit from this activity. You don’t even need to plan what you’ll
create. Just let your hands, pen, pencil, or paintbrush do the talking.

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The more spontaneous, the better. Artistic expression can reveal a lot
about your obscure darker half. Psychologist Carl Jung (who
conceptualized the Shadow Self idea) was even famous for
using mandalas  in his therapy sessions.

3. Start a Project
The act of creation can be intensely frustrating and can give birth to
some of your darker elements such as impatience, anger, blood-thirsty
competitiveness, and self-doubt. At the same time, starting a project
also allows you to experience feelings of fulfillment and joy.

If you don’t already have a personal project that you’re undertaking

(such as building something, writing a book, composing music,
mastering a new skill), find something you would love to start doing.
Using self-awareness and self-exploration during the process of
creation, you will be able to reap deeper insights into your darkness.
Ask yourself constantly, “What am I feeling and why?” Notice the
strong emotions that arise during the act of creation, both good and
bad. You will likely be surprised by what you find!

For example, as a person who considers myself non-competitive, that

assumption has been challenged by the act of writing this blog. Thanks
to this project, the Shadow within me of ruthless competitiveness has
shown its face, allowing me to understand myself more deeply.

4. Write a Story or Keep a Shadow Journal

Goethe’s story Faust  is, in my opinion, one of the best works featuring
the meeting of an ego and his Shadow Self.  His story details the life of
a Professor who becomes so separated and overwhelmed by his
Shadow that he comes to the verge of suicide, only to realize that the
redemption of the ego is solely possible if the Shadow is redeemed at
the same time.

Write a story where you project your Shadow elements onto the
characters – this is a great way to learn more about your inner
darkness.  If stories aren’t your thing, keeping a journal or diary every
day can shine a light on the darker elements of your nature.  Reading
through your dark thoughts and emotions can help you to recover the
balance you need in life by accepting both light and dark emotions
within you.

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5. Explore Your Shadow Archetypes
We have a number of  Shadow varieties, also called Shadow
Archetypes. These archetypes  are sometimes defined as:

 The Sorcerer

 The Dictator

 The Victim

 The Shadow Witch

 The Addict

 The Idiot

 The Trickster

 The Destroyer

 The Slave

 The Shadow Mother

 The Hag

 The Hermit

However, I have my own Shadow Archetype classification, which I will

include below.

13 Shadow Archetypes

Here are my thirteen classifications which are based on my own self-

observations and analysis of others:

1.  The Egotistical Shadow

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This Shadow Archetype displays the following
characteristics: arrogance, egocentricity, pompousness,
inconsiderateness, self-indulgence, narcissism, excessive pride.

2.  The Neurotic Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following

characteristics: paranoia, obsessiveness, suspiciousness, finicky,
demanding, compulsive behavior.

3.  The Untrustworthy Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following

characteristics: secretive, impulsive, frivolous, irresponsible,
deceitful, unreliable.

4.  The Emotionally Unstable Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: moody,

melodramatic, weepy, overemotional, impulsive, changeable.

5.  The Controlling Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following

characteristics: suspicious, jealous, possessive, bossy, obsessive.

6.  The Cynical Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following

characteristics: negative, overcritical, patronizing, resentful,
cantankerous.

7.  The Wrathful Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: ruthless,

vengeful, bitchy, quick-tempered, quarrelsome.

8.  The Rigid Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: uptight,

intolerant, racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, obstinate,
uncompromising, inflexible, narrow-minded.

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9.  The Glib Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following

characteristics: superficial, cunning, inconsistent, sly, crafty.

10.  The Cold Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following

characteristics: emotionally detached, distant, indifferent, uncaring,
unexcited.

11.  The Perverted Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following

characteristics: masochistic, lewd, sadistic, vulgar, libidinous.

12.  The Cowardly Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: weak-

willed, passive, timid, fearful.

13.  The Immature Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: puerile,

childish, illogical, simpleminded, vacuous.

Keep in mind that the above Shadow Archetypes are by no means

exhaustive. I’m sure that there are many others out there which I have
missed. But you are free to use this breakdown to help you explore
your own Shadows. You’re also welcome to add to this list or create
your own Shadow Archetypes, which I highly encourage. For example,
you might possess a judgmental and dogmatic Shadow who you call
“The Nun,” or a sexually deviant Shadow who you call “The Deviant.”
Play around with some words and labels, and see what suits your
Shadows the best.

6. Have an Inner Conversation

Also known as “Inner Dialogue,” or as Carl Jung phrased it, “Active
Imagination ,” having a conversation with your Shadow is an easy way
to learn from it.

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I understand if you might feel a twinge of skepticism towards this
practice right now. After all, we are taught that “only crazy people talk
to themselves.” But inner dialogue is regularly used in psychotherapy
as a way to help people communicate with the
various subpersonalities  that they have – and we all possess various
faces and sides of our ego.

One easy way to practice inner dialogue is to sit in a quiet place, close
your eyes, and tune into the present moment. Then, think of a question
you would like to ask your Shadow, and silently speak it within your
mind. Wait a few moments and see if you ‘hear’ or ‘see’ an answer.
Record anything that arises and reflect on it. It is even possible to
carry on a conversation with your Shadow using this method. Just
ensure that you have an open mindset. In other words, don’t try to
control what is being said, just let it flow naturally. You will
likely be surprised by the answers you receive!

Visualization is another helpful way of engaging in inner dialogue. I

recommend bringing to mind images of dark forests, caves, holes in
the ground, or the ocean as these all represent the unconscious mind.
Always ensure that you enter and exit your visualization in the same
manner, e.g. if you are walking down a path, make sure you walk back
up the path. Or if you open a particular door, make sure you open the
same door when returning back to normal consciousness. This practice
will help to draw you effortlessly in and out of visualizations.

7. Use the Mirror Technique

As we have learned, projection is a technique of the Shadow that helps
us to avoid what we have disowned. However, we don’t only project the
deeper and darker aspects of ourselves onto others, we also project our
light and positive attributes as well. For example, a person may be
attracted to another who displays fierce self-assertiveness, not
realizing that this quality is what they long to reunite with inside
themselves. Another common example (this time negative) is
judgmentalism. How many times have you heard someone say “he/she
is so judgmental!” Ironically, the very person saying this doesn’t
realize that calling another person ‘judgmental’ is actually
pronouncing a judgment against them and revealing their own
judgmental nature.

The Mirror Technique is the process of uncovering

our projections . To practice this technique, we must adopt a mindful

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and honest approach towards the world: we need to be prepared to
own that which we have disowned! Being radically truthful with
ourselves can be difficult, so it does require practice. But essentially,
we must adopt the mindset that other people are our mirrors. We must
understand that those around us serve as the perfect canvas
onto which we project all of our unconscious desires and
fears.

Start this practice by examining your thoughts and feelings about those
you come in contact with. Pay attention to moments when you’re
emotionally triggered and ask yourself “am I projecting anything?”
Remember: it is also possible to project our own qualities onto another
person who really does possess the qualities. Psychologists sometimes
refer to this as “projecting onto reality.” For example, we might project
our rage onto another person who is, in fact, a rage-filled person. Or
we might project our jealousy onto another who genuinely is jealous.

Ask yourself, “What is mine, what is theirs, and what is both

of ours?” Not every triggering situation reveals a projection, but they
more than often do. Also look for things you love and adore about
others, and uncover the hidden projections there.

The Mirror Technique will help you to shed a lot of light onto Shadow
qualities that you have rejected , suppressed, repressed, or disowned.
On a side note, you might also like to read about a similar practice
called mirror work  which helps you to come face-to-face with your own
denied aspects.

S ha do w W or k Q &A

Here are some commonly asked questions about shadow work:

What is shadow work?

Shadow work is the psychological and spiritual practice of exploring
our dark side or the ‘shadowy’ part of our nature. We all possess a
place within us that contains our secrets, repressed feelings, shameful
memories, impulses, and parts that are deemed “unacceptable” and
“ugly.” This is our dark side or shadow self –  and it is often
symbolized as a monster, devil, or ferocious wild animal.

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How to do shadow work?
There are many ways to practice shadow work. Some of the most
powerful and effective techniques include journaling , artistically
expressing your dark side (also known as art therapy ), using a mirror
to connect with this part of you (mirror work ), guided meditations,
exploring your projections, and examining your shadow archetypes.

What is the spiritual shadow?

There is light and darkness within all areas of life, and spirituality is
not exempt. The spiritual shadow is what occurs when we fall into the
traps of spiritual materialism  – a phenomenon where we use
spirituality to boost our egos and become arrogant, self-absorbed, and
even narcissistic.

S ha do w Se lf Te s t
As passionate proponents of Shadow Work, we have created a free
Shadow Self test on this website for you to take. Like any test, take it
with a grain of salt and use your own analysis to ultimately determine
how ‘dominant’ your Shadow is in your life. Please remember that tests
online cannot be 100% accurate, so see it as a fun self-discovery tool.
And note: those who receive a “small Shadow Self” answer still need to
do Shadow Work. No person is exempt. ;)

Here’s our free Shadow Self test .

Shadow Work Journal:

Go on a journey through the deepest and darkest corners of your
psyche. Embrace your inner demons, uncover your hidden gifts, and
reach the next level of your spiritual growth. This is deep and powerful
work!

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O w n Y ou r Sh a d ow a n d Yo u W i ll O wn
Y ou r Li fe
If you are looking for some serious, authentic and long-lived healing in
your life, Shadow Work is the perfect way to experience profound inner
transformation.

Remember that what you internalize is almost always externalized in

one form or another.

Own your shadow and you will own your life.

Here are some final inspiring words:

The secret is out: all of us, no exceptions, have qualities we won’t let
anyone see, including ourselves – our Shadow. If we face up to our
dark side, our life can be energized. If not, there is the devil to pay.
This is one of life’s most urgent projects. — Larry Dossey (Healing
Words )

If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we are not really

living. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security. — Gail
Sheehy

Who has not at one time or another felt a sourness, wrath, selfishness,
envy and pride, which he could not tell what to do with, or how to bear,
rising up in him without his consent, casting a blackness over all his
thoughts … It is exceeding good and beneficial to us to discover this
dark, disordered fire of our soul; because when rightly known and
rightly dealt with, it can as well be made the foundation of heaven as it
is of hell. — William Law

To confront a person with his own shadow is to show him his own
light. — Carl Jung

Inner Child Work: 5 Ways to Heal

Deep-Rooted Trauma
by Mateo Sol · Feb 13, 2021 · 60 Comments

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No matter how big or small, we’ve all experienced some kind of trauma as
children.

These traumas can vary from having your favorite stuffed toy thrown
in the trash, to being abandoned by your best childhood friend, to
being physically or emotionally abused by your parents.

Inner child work is a vital component of the spiritual awakening

journey because it reconnects us with a wounded element of ourselves:
the child within. When we reconnect with this fragmented part of
ourselves, we can begin to discover the root of many of our
fears, phobias, insecurities, and sabotaging life patterns. This is
where true healing and liberation happens!

I can almost guarantee that you’ll be shocked by what you discover

through the process of inner child  work. Instead of simply looking at a
symptom of your pain, you’ll go right to the core to reveal when a
fear, phobia, or certain life pattern first  began.

T a b le o f c o nte nts
 15 Types of Childhood Trauma

 Inner Child Work and Spiritual Awakening

 What is Inner Child Work?

 5 Simple Ways to Work With Your Inner Child (to Heal Trauma)

1 5   Ty pe s o f C h il dh oo d T ra um a

Firstly, it’s important to understand that there are many different

types of childhood trauma. These include the physical (including
sexual), emotional and mental variety.

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Also, when childhood trauma is severe or repeated enough, it can
result in what psychology calls dissociation  and shamanic philosophy
calls soul loss . The solution to retrieving and integrating these
fragmented parts of our being is called inner work  (and soul
retrieval  forms a part of this process).

However, not all childhood trauma results in soul loss — but it can
result in a wounded psyche. This can trigger issues such as
depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, phobias, destructive behavioral
patterns, and even chronic illnesses.

Fifteen common examples of childhood trauma include:

1. Being hit or smacked by your parents/grandparents

2. Having an emotionally unavailable parent who withholds

affection

3. Being “punished” by kicking, shaking, biting, burning, hair

pulling, pinching, scratching, or “washing out the mouth” with
soap

4. Being the recipient of molestation, shown pornography, or any

other type of sexual contact from a parent, relative, or friend

5. Being the child of divorce

6. Being given inappropriate or burdensome responsibilities (such

as caring for your parents)

7. Not being fed or provided a safe place to live from your parents

8. Abandonment (your caretakers leaving you alone for long periods

of time without a babysitter)

9. Emotional neglect, i.e., not being nurtured, encouraged, or

supported

10. Being deliberately called names or verbally insulted

11. Denigration of your personality

12. Destruction of personal belongings

13. Excessive demands

14. Humiliation
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 15. Car accidents, or other spontaneous traumatic events

There are many more examples of childhood trauma, but I just wanted
to provide you with a few to give you an idea of what inner child work
deals with. It’s also important to remember that our parents weren’t
the only ones responsible for provoking childhood trauma — our
grandparents, brothers, sisters, extended family members, family
friends, and childhood friends may have also played a part.

I nn e r C hi ld W or k a nd S pi ri tu a l
A w a ke ni ng

Why is working with the inner child essential on the spiritual

awakening journey? The answer is that our deepest wounds are
carried by the child within. These wounds create tensions,
blockages, or contractions  within our hearts, minds, and bodies. And
when we’re contracted, we become trapped in a tightly-bound separate
self, also known as the ego . (This can also later contribute to triggering
a Dark Night of the Soul .)

As you may (or may not) already know, the ego is the source of our
suffering as it creates the illusion that we’re cut off from our True
Nature . When our inner child is stuck in pain, it fuels this contracted
ego. And so, inner child work is a vital practice on the spiritual
journey, for, with it, we heal, evolve, and awaken.

W h a t is I nn e r C hi ld W or k?

This leads us to explore the definition of inner child work:

Inner child work is the process of contacting, understanding,

embracing, and healing your inner child. Your inner child represents
your first original self that entered into this world; s/he contains
your  capacity to experience wonder, joy, innocence, sensitivity, and
playfulness.

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Unfortunately, we live in a society that forces us to repress our inner
child and “grow up.” But the truth is that while most adults physically
“grown-up,” they never quite reach emotional or psychological
adulthood. In other words, most “grown-ups” aren’t really adults
at all. This leaves most people in a state of puerile fears, angers, and
traumas that fester away in the unconscious mind for decades.

When we deny and snuff out the voice of the child within we
accumulate heavy psychological baggage. This unexplored and
unresolved baggage causes us to experience problems such as mental
illnesses, physical ailments, and relationship dysfunction.

In fact, it could be said that the lack of conscious relatedness

to our own inner child is one of the major causes of the
severe issues we see in today’s society. From the brutal way we
treat the environment, to the cruel way we talk to ourselves, we have
become completely separated from our original innocence.

5 S im pl e W a ys t o W o rk W it h Yo ur I nn e r
C hi ld  ( to He a l T ra um a )

One thing: learning to work with your inner child isn’t about becoming
childish again, it is about reconnecting with your childLIKE side.

In other words, there is a big difference between being childish and

childlike.

Being childish can be thought of as behaving in an immature or naive

way. Being childlike on the other hand can be thought of as a state of
purity and innocence.

We all have the capacity to experience our original

innocence; that period in our lives when we saw the world with
openness and wonder.

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To remove the guilt, shame, fear, hatred, self-loathing , and anger that
we carry within us, we have to heal the child within. To do this, we
must earn the trust of our inner child through love and self-nurturing.

Here are 5 of the most powerful ways to perform inner child work
(please note: for grammatical consistency, I will be referring to the
inner child with the pronoun ‘she’ – although this term applies to all
genders or lack thereof):

1. Speak to your inner child

Acknowledge your inner child and let her know that you’re there for
her. Treat her with kindness and respect.

Some self-nurturing things you could say to your inner child include,

for example:

 I love you.

 I’m here for you.

 I’m sorry.

 Thank you.

 I forgive you.

Make a habit of talking to your inner child. You could also

communicate through journal  work by asking your inner child a
question, then writing down the response.

2. Practice the mirror gazing technique

Also known as mirror work , the mirror gazing technique is a simple

but powerful way to reconnect with your inner child. This is a superb
healing path to take alongside the previous point (or speaking to your
inner child) as it allows you to open your heart in an
extremely direct way.

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To try this practice, ensure that you have some privacy. You need a
fairly neutral state of mind (i.e., don’t attempt this when you’re
depressed or stressed). Find a mirror, place a gentle hand on your
heart, and gaze softly at yourself. Do this for at least five minutes.

You’ll notice that thoughts and even unexpected emotions come to the
surface at first. Just let them pass. Don’t attach to them. See them as
clouds in the sky. And remember, it’s okay to hold yourself,
especially if feelings of grief emerge. Then, once you feel ready,
call on your inner child. You may do this by speaking out loud or
quietly in your brain.

Once you sense the presence of your inner child emerge in your eyes,
say something kind and loving to this vulnerable part of you. For
example, you might say “I see you,” “I’m so proud of you,” “I think
you’re brave and strong,” or whatever appeals to you. Notice what
feelings arise inside of you. Most essentially, take this as a key
opportunity to practice self-love  and compassion – particularly if
difficult or intense feelings arise.

To finish this practice, give yourself a hug, and let your inner child
know anything else on your heart and mind. Journal about your
experience.

3. Look at pictures of yourself as a child

Go through old photo albums and rediscover what your younger self
looked like. Let that image be burned into your brain because it will
serve you well throughout the rest of your inner child work. You might
even like to put photos of yourself next to your bedside table, in your
wallet, or around the house just to remind yourself of your inner
child’s presence.

4. Recreate what you loved to do as a child

Sit down and think about what you loved to do as a child. Maybe you
liked climbing trees, playing with toy blocks, cuddling toy bears or
eating warm porridge. Make time to include whatever activity you
loved to do as a child in your present life.

Through inner child work, people have told me that they’ve connected
to sides of themselves that they never even knew existed as
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adults. This discovery is truly life-changing. It’s important that
you make a habit of this “playtime” and explore any embarrassment or
silliness you feel towards it. It’s completely normal to feel a bit foolish
at first, but it’s important to keep an open mind.

5. Do an inner journey

One of the most powerful ways to reconnect with your inner child to
heal childhood traumas, is to do an inner journey.

For beginners, I recommend two types of inner journeys: those done

through meditation, and those done through visualization.

To do these inner journeys, it’s important that you first gain the

trust of your inner child through the previous activities. Once
you have developed a strong connection to your inner child, you
can then ask her to reveal what earlier life circumstances created the
trauma you’re struggling with today.

How to do a meditation journey:

Connecting to your inner child through meditation is a passive

process: simply breathe deeply, relax, allow yourself to witness your
thoughts, and ask your question. For example, you might like to
ask, “Dear inner child, when was the first time I experienced trauma
in my life?”

Allow yourself to witness the thoughts that rise and fall within your
mind. Your inner child may or may not decide to reveal the answer to
you. Remember to be patient, loving, and accepting. If your inner child
doesn’t want to reveal the answer, embrace that. It’s important that
your inner child feels safe, secure, and ready.

You might like to repeat your question every now and then if nothing
of significance arises inside of your mind. This process could take
anywhere from a couple of minutes to 1 hour or more.

Tips — To successfully do the inner child meditation journey, you’ll

need to have experience meditating. Learning to witness your thoughts

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can take a lot of practice, so if you’re not used to meditating, you might
struggle with this technique.

How to do a visualization journey:

A more active way to connect with your inner child and earlier life
traumas is through visualization.

To connect with your inner child through visualization, you must

create a “power place ” or safe place. To do this you must visualize a
beautiful garden, or any type of place in which you feel safe,
empowered, and whole. After entering your power place, you can then
invite your inner child to speak with you.

Here are a few steps:

 Relax, close your eyes, and breathe deeply.

 Imagine you’re walking down a staircase.

 At the bottom of the staircase is your power place or safe place.

In this place, you feel strong, safe, and supported.

 Spend a bit of time in your power place. Soak it in. What does it
look like, smell like, and sound like?

 After you have acquainted yourself with your power place,

imagine that your younger self has entered, perhaps through a
door or waterfall.

 Hug your younger self and make them feel at home.

 When you’re ready, ask your inner child your question, e.g.,
“When was the first time you/I felt sad or scared?” You might like
to phrase the question in child terminology.

 Await their response.

 Make sure you hug them, thank them, and tell them how much
they mean to you.

 Say goodbye to them.

 Leave your power place and ascend up the stairs.

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  Return to normal consciousness.

These are very basic steps, but they provide a good outline for how to
perform an inner child visualization journey.

Inner Child Journal:

Go on a journey through the mountains and caves of your heart.
Befriend, heal, and nurture the broken child within. Go to the root of
your pain and transform old patterns. This is intense and powerful
work!

As children, we perceived the world very differently from our adult

selves. Because of this, many of the things we presently assume never
hurt us as children may have left deep scars. This is why it’s
important to never make assumptions about your inner child.

Through inner child work, you can learn to grieve, heal, and resolve
any sources of trauma you’ve been unconsciously holding on to
for years. This can liberate you to live a life of true adulthood,
emotional balance, spiritual maturity , and wellbeing.

If you need more in-depth guidance, I highly recommend checking out

these inner child healing exercises  in our Inner Child Journal. You can
also take our inner child test  for more insight.

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