INT.

AN OFFICE - DAY
Jan, Donna and Kurt sit before Leo, who's behind a
table/desk. Each has a script open on their laps; Leo's
script is open on his desk.
KURT
The second act is very static.
They all contemplate that a quick moment.
JAN
It is... it's too static.

LEO
What do you mean?
DONNA
It lacks organic conflict.
JAN
Very little subtext.
KURT
Shit...
LEO
I hate when people use the whole
"organic" argument. It's not a
fucking garden.
DONNA
But it doesn't work.
LEO
What doesn't? Be specific.
KURT
Helen chasing Oliver to London
right after her miscarriage seems
contrived.
DONNA
She loses Justin's baby and a day
later she hops on a plane to chase
down Oliver?
KURT
Is that even possible? I mean, I
don't know... I've obviously never
had one.
 2.

DONNA
It's possible, but is it probable?
I don't believe it.
A beat, while they think.
JAN
Katie Cornish had a miscarriage
last year.
LEO
Really? Poor thing, I didn't even
know she was pregnant.
JAN
She was pregnant when she started
"Hour of Darkness".
DONNA
No shit... I didn't know that.
KURT
I thought she looked a little plump
at Gina and Charlie's wedding.
JAN
Oh, for God's sake, she wouldn't
have been plump yet, she would have
only been a few weeks pregnant at
that point.
KURT
She looked a little plump to me.
DONNA
Oh, you're ridiculous.
LEO
So, how can we get Helen over to
London without it seeming
contrived?
JAN
I don't know why she has to go to
London.
DONNA
She needs to catch Charlie with
Melissa.
KURT
You mean Oliver.
 3.

DONNA
What?
KURT
You mean Oliver. She needs to catch
Oliver with Melissa.
DONNA
That's what I said.
KURT
You said Charlie.
DONNA
No, I didn't.
KURT
Yes, you did...
DONNA
Why would I say Charlie?
JAN
You said Charlie...
LEO
You did... I heard Charlie.
DONNA
Okay, well fuck off, you knew what
I meant. The point is we need to
get Helen to London so she can
catch Oliver with Melissa.
JAN
I do like the scene after Helen
catches them.
LEO
That's a great scene, and Harry
loves that scene, he worked his ass
off on that.
DONNA
I agree, we can't lose that scene
so we have to figure this out.
A beat.
JAN
What if... what if... what if we
foreshadow that Helen knows, or
strongly suspects, that Melissa has
already tried to seduce Oliver.
 4.

LEO
She does, that's foreshadowed
backstage when he was doing
Glengarry.
JAN
Did she see that for sure?
LEO
Yes, yes... she already suspects
Melissa wants to screw his brains
out.
KURT
Did you hear that Linda Hudson's
been banging the shit out of
Rupert?
DONNA
Peterson?
JAN
No way...
LEO
Everyone knows that...
KURT
It's true...
DONNA
I heard rumors...
JAN
I didn't know that...
LEO
She's been screwing his brains out
since Wally's party.
JAN
Does Meg know?
LEO
She's fuckin' oblivious... that
woman is dumber than driftwood.
DONNA
Why would she fuck that creepy
little fucker? What's he ever
going to do for her?
 5.

KURT
Sonofabitch must be hung like a
horse.
LEO
She's trying to get herself
packaged into that Pitt and
Gyllehaal cop thingee.
DONNA
What are you talking about?
KURT
Oh, oh... that's the uh...
JAN
The uh... the James Gray thingee?
KURT
Yes! Fuckin' love him.
DONNA
Peterson's producing that? That
little fuck.
KURT
He's got his greasy little dick in
everything, doesn't he. Fuckin'
dwarf.
DONNA
Well she's dreaming. She is not a
James Gray kind of actress... what
is she thinking...
JAN
You don't like her?
DONNA
God no. She has no real depth...
James would never hire her skanky
ass.
KURT
Peterson gets more skanky ass in
this town... what the hell...
LEO
Linda Hudson would fuck a gorilla
if she thought it would help her
career.
 6.

JAN
Oh, so what? So would you. And so
would Kurt.
LEO
Me?
JAN
Yes, you!
LEO
Why would I even need to for one,
and I'm happily married for
another.
DONNA
Like that matters on location.
LEO
I've never on location...
DONNA
(to Kurt.)
And don't you even try to deny it.
KURT
I didn't say anything.
DONNA
Because you're one of biggest sluts
I know.
KURT
I like women, what can I say.
JAN
Kurt tried to get into my pants
once.
LEO
Really?
DONNA
You pig.
KURT
But I certainly wasn't doing it to
get ahead in my career.
JAN
I was working for Kathleen at the
time, I totally could have helped
your career.
 7.

KURT
That's not why I tried to get in
your pants.
LEO
You just wanted to fuck Jan.
KURT
Yeah, pretty much. I just wanted to
fuck Jan. What's wrong with that.
I bet Jan's a sweet fuck.
JAN
You bet your ass.
DONNA
Okay, that's enough... we are
definitely not solving our act two
problems.
KURT
I got pretty close too.
JAN
I was drunk.
KURT
So was I.
DONNA
That's no excuse.
KURT
I don't even remember why we didn't
end up doing it.
JAN
Because Cynthia called and it
pissed me off.
LEO
It's when you were with Cynthia?
KURT
So you would have done it!
JAN
I didn't say that...
KURT
You didn't deny it either! Ha-ha!
 8.

DONNA
Hey, hey... come on... We gotta get
Helen over to London.
JAN
You guys are so juvenile...
LEO
Does Evan know Kurt tried to get in
your pants?
JAN
Probably... who knows, who cares.
He's not the jealous type.
KURT
Hey, I think I figured it out!
They all look at Kurt.
KURT (CONT'D)
Okay, dig this... What if... what
if Oliver and Melissa still meet up
in London, but Helen doesn't go
immediately after the miscarriage?
Why does she have to go
immediately? What if we have Harry
write a scene where she is at home
after getting out of the
hospital... with Justin, who's all
upset, and he's trying to console
her. But... but... Helen isn't
upset. She's... I don't know...
strangely indifferent, perhaps, or
something like that.
DONNA
It's all in her behavior.
LEO
Harry will love it, he'll kill that
scene.
JAN
It will infer that maybe Helen is
actually relieved she had a
miscarriage.
KURT
Because she realizes she's really
been in love with Oliver all along!
LEO
Yes! Brilliant!
 9.

DONNA
Then, we can cut to London...
KURT
And it can seem like maybe a week
has passed, and then we have the
scene where Helen shows up, but
she's not all frazzled and upset
from the miscarriage...
LEO
No, she's composed and looking
ravishing... excited about
surprising Oliver, not suspecting a
thing, and bam!
JAN
There she is... Melissa.
LEO
Fucking A, that's genius.
DONNA
It also means there is much more
inner conflict from the moment
Helen learns she's pregnant.
JAN
Those scenes will be much less
static. Especially with Justin,
but also with Oliver. So much more
subtext.
KURT
And... organic conflict.
JAN
Yes. Kurt... you little fucker...
LEO
Bravo, man! You did it.
JAN
(to Kurt.)
You shock me sometimes.
Jan, Kurt and Donna get up and gather their things.
KURT
Do I?
Jan mouths the words, "Yes, you do", to Kurt.
 10.

LEO
I'm going to go run this idea by
Harry and get him working on it
immediately.
Jan, Kurt and Donna head to the door.
DONNA
I gotta go to Paramount, anyone
wanna Uber with me?
KURT
I'm heading to my office.
JAN
Me too.

LEO
Good meeting everyone, great job,
very productive. See you Thursday.