LOVED ONES’ BEHAVIOR TOWARDS AN ADOLESCENT

COMMITTING SELF-HARM

PRESENTED TO:

MRS. JUZY LAYGO SAGUIL

BY:

KIRSTEN JULIA P. TING

As part of the Activities Required for Reading, Analyzing, and Writing Various Texts for

Research

Philippine Pasay Chung Hua Academy

2020 – 2021
 Abstract

Self-harm is a more common problem than people might think, and it’s a problem rarely

acknowledged. How the loved ones of a self-harming individual cope and react to the act is even less

talked about, and there is a lack of studies and research papers expounding on this topic. The

purpose of this research was to contribute and help others understand this specific topic.

This study explored the perspective of peers and parents of self-harming adolescents through

one-on-one interviews with 5 people with a relation to an adolescent with self-harm habits. An in-

depth analysis of these interviews revealed that while both peers and parents both care for the

individual, more often than not they react and behave differently and have different perceptions to the

self-harm. The results of this study can give further information and awareness as to what the loved

ones go through, and how this can affect the self-harm habits of the adolescent.
 Acknowledgements

I would like to thank the following people that helped complete this research study:

First, Mrs. Juzy Saguil, our Research teacher, for her guidance and teaching of what needs to

be done and fixed in this paper.

To my friends who supported and assisted me in doing my research. Especially to Kruschev

Acedera, Khrysz Rivera, and Paul Catindig for their moral support.

To the respondents of this study, who shared and recounted their experiences and took the

time to assist in this research.

And to my mom who was relentlessly supportive and understanding while the research mas

being made, and buying me food to help reduce my stress.

 Table of Contents

Chapter 1: The Problem and its Background -------------------------------------------------------------- Page

1
Chapter 2: Review of Related Literature and Studies -------------------------------------------------- Page 8
Chapter 3: Methodology ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Page
16
Chapter 4: Presentation, Analysis, and Interpretation of Data ------------------------------------ Page 20
Chapter 5: Summary of Findings, Conclusions, and Recommendations --------------------- Page 30
References ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Page 34
Appendix: Raw Data from Interviews ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Page 36
Curriculum Vitae -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Page 47
 Chapter 1

THE PROBLEM AND ITS BACKGROUND

This chapter presents the introduction of the study, theoretical and conceptual framework, the

statement of the problem, scope and limitations, significance of the study, and definition of terms.

Introduction

Whether we acknowledge it or not, self-harm is a common occurrence, with more and more

individuals succumbing to their desire to hurt themselves. The focus is often on the person committing

self-harm, and although that is the right response, the perceptions and views of the surrounding

people are also worth digging into. The term ‘self-harm’ is defined as “an act with non-fatal outcome,

in which an individual deliberately initiates a non-habitual behaviour that, without intervention from

others, will cause self-harm, or deliberately ingests a substance in excess of the prescribed or

generally recognised therapeutic dosage, and which is aimed at realising changes which the subject

desired via the actual or expected physical consequences” (Platt et al., 1992). It’s behavior that’s,

more often than not, hidden from other people because it’s considered to be taboo. People who don’t

self-harm don’t really understand why others do it. Based from an online article, acts of self-injury are

so often bloody and horrifying that it makes it harder for people to be thoughtful about what these acts

mean. There is a tendency to panic when you see someone you care about bleeding from self-

inflicted wounds, or covered with scars. Such panic interferes with thinking, and makes it harder for

people to understand the motives behind self-injury.

Parents usually exhibit feelings of shock and disbelief upon finding out their child self-harms;

this is an obvious reaction. But what exactly goes through their minds at this time? The one self-

harming wouldn’t think to ask that, wouldn’t think about it at all. It is known that the majority of

literature about self-harm in adolescents, as it relates to the definition of self-harm in this study, does
1
not acknowledge or address parents, neither does it position self-harm within the context of family life.

This could be due to a pervasive belief that young people who self-harm come from ‘dysfunctional’,

abusive or chaotic families. While there is evidence that frequently this may be so, the reality is that

not all self-harm can be linked to abusive family members or family dysfunction (Meekings and

O’Brien, 2004). The aim of this research was to provide more information on how parents and peers

react to and perceive an individual’s self-harming. This topic was chosen because of the researcher’s

personal experiences and curiosity about mental health in general. As the researcher knew of

adolescents committing the act of self-injury, there were more than enough constituents for the scope

of this study. Since according to the research paper, “The impact of self-harm by young people on

parents and families: a qualitative study”, little research has explored the full extent of the impact of

self-harm on the family, as well as Arbuthnott and Lewis (2015), to date, no single paper has

consolidated the literature on parents of youth who self-injure, so this study might somehow provide

more information on this matter. The researcher had made a few observations from their experiences

and encounters with self-harm. The usual response of a loved one is that of anger and sadness,

asking “Why are you doing this?” over and over again, and sometimes even bargaining with the

person; buying material possessions they know that person likes in hopes that they’d stop hurting

themselves. As having been on the receiving end of these behaviors, the researcher had only recently

stopped to think about how self-harm had impacted loved ones, and thus, conducted this study for

that reason.

Theoretical Framework

A concept that can be compared to the behavior of loved ones upon finding out about an

individual’s self-injury is the Kübler-Ross model or the “Five Stages of Grief”. In 1969, Swiss

psychiatrist Kübler-Ross first introduced her five-stage grief model in her book On Death and Dying.

Kübler-Ross’ model was based off her work with terminally ill patients and has received much
2
criticism in the years since. Mainly, because people studying her model mistakenly believed this is the

specific order in which people grieve and that all people go through all stages. Kübler-Ross now notes

that these stages are not linear and some people may not experience any of them. Yet and still,

others might only undergo two stages rather than all five, one stage, three stages, etc.  It is now more

readily known that these five stages of grief are the most commonly observed experienced by the

grieving population.

The five stages of grief include:

 Denial - Denial is the stage that can initially help you survive the loss. You might think life

makes no sense, has no meaning, and is too overwhelming. You start to deny the news and, in

effect, go numb. It’s common in this stage to wonder how life will go on in this different state –

you are in a state of shock because life as you once knew it, has changed in an instant.

 Anger - Once you start to live in ‘actual’ reality again and not in ‘preferable’ reality, anger might

start to set in. This is a common stage to think “why me?” and “life’s not fair!” You might look to

blame others for the cause of your grief and also may redirect your anger to close friends and

family. You find it incomprehensible of how something like this could happen to you.

 Bargaining - When something bad happens, have you ever caught yourself making a deal with

God? “Please God, if you heal my husband, I will strive to be the best wife I can ever be – and

never complain again.” This is bargaining. In a way, this stage is false hope. You might falsely

make yourself believe that you can avoid the grief through a type of negotiation. If you change

this, I’ll change that. You are so desperate to get your life back to how it was before the grief

event, you are willing to make a major life change in an attempt toward normality. Guilt is a

common wing man of bargaining. This is when you endure the endless “what if” statements.

 Depression - Depression is a commonly accepted form of grief. In fact, most people associate

depression immediately with grief – as it is a “present” emotion. It represents the emptiness we

feel when we are living in reality and realize the person or situation is gone or over. In this
3
 stage, you might withdraw from life, feel numb, live in a fog, and not want to get out of bed. The

world might seem too much and too overwhelming for you to face.

 Acceptance - The last stage of grief identified by Kübler-Ross is acceptance. Not in the sense

that “it’s okay my husband died” rather, “my husband died, but I’m going to be okay.” In this

stage, your emotions may begin to stabilize. You re-enter reality. You come to terms with the

fact that the “new” reality is that your partner is never coming back – or that you are going to

succumb to your illness and die soon – and you’re okay with that. It’s not a “good” thing – but

it’s something you can live with. It is definitely a time of adjustment and readjustment (Christina

Gregory, 2020).

Statement of the Problem

This study explored the loved ones’ behavior towards an adolescent committing self-harm.

Specifically, it answered the following questions:

1. What was the initial behavior of the loved ones toward the person?

2. What were the changes in the loved ones’ approach to the person? (If there were

any)

3. What were the differences and similarities between the behavior of friends and the

behavior of parents towards the self-harming individual?

4. What methods and attitudes could be adopted by the loved ones to somewhat help

in lessening the person’s self-harm habits?

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Conceptual Framework

Figure 1 shows a key point, the respondents or loved ones of adolescents committing self-

harm, which the study revolves around, figures 2 and 3 show if there were changes or no changes in

the behavior of loved ones upon the discovery of the adolescent’s self-harm, frames 4 and 5 show

that if there were changes in the behavior of loved ones, they would either be positive or negative

changes, and frames 6 and 7 show the results of those changes, which would either lessen or

increase the adolescent’s self-harm habits. Figure 3 which shows no changes in loved ones’ behavior

could lead to either figure 6 or figure 7, depending on what the initial behavior may be.

5
Scope and Limitations

This study focused on the loved ones’ behavior towards an adolescent committing self-harm,

and thus only involved friends and family of adolescents committing self-harm. The participants of this

study are 5 people, who are related or close to a self-harming adolescent, that live in areas across

Luzon, Philippines.

This study was limited to the areas of Makati City, Pasay City, and the Province of Cavite,

Philippines and was not applicable in other areas and countries. It did not cover the individuals

committing self-harm themselves, and did not include other problems related to them.

Significance of the Study

This study is significant to the following:

Loved Ones of adolescents who self-harm. The results of this study will benefit relatives and

friends of adolescents who self-harm by enlightening them on their behaviors towards the individual

which could make the self-harm habits either better or worse.

The General Public. This study would be beneficial to the general public by providing a better

understanding of how families of self-harming individuals feel about the aforementioned habit, which

would lessen the stigma and accusations that it’s the loved ones’ fault, because this is not always the

case.

Health Professionals working with mental health of adolescents. This study could aid

health professionals who work with the mental health of adolescents, in a way where they can give

the appropriate advice to the parents of self-harming adolescents on what they should do and how

they should act.

6
 The Future Researchers. The outcome of this study will be useful for future researchers who

decide to further explore areas related to the topic.

Definition of Terms

The following terms were defined based on the context of this study:

Self-Harm is the act of hurting one’s self for reasons that may not be easily understood by

other people and will change relationships and perceptions between individuals.

Adolescents who self-harm is people between the age of 14-18 who partake in the act of

self-harm that their loved ones know about, who reside in the Philippines, where this study took place.

Loved Ones is close friends and family of adolescents who self-harm located in the areas

Makati City, Pasay City, and the Province of Cavite, Philippines, where this quantitative study was

conducted.

7
 Chapter 2

REVIEW OF RELATED LITERATURE AND STUDIES

This chapter presents the related literature and studies that will help in familiarizing information

that are relevant and similar to the present study, which is the loved ones’ behavior towards an

adolescent committing self-harm.

According to Fisher et al. (2017), friends are often the support resource of choice during times

of emotional distress. It was suggested that high levels of secrecy desired by adolescents engaging in

self-harm were maintained in the parental relationship rather than with friends. There is a good deal of

evidence supporting the claim that many young people are aware of peers engaging in self-harm.

Studies show that peers commonly provide emotional support in the form of talking and listening while

showing understanding, sympathy, and offering companionship.

The support that peers provide range from minimal interventions to those that were assertive in

connecting an individual to a source of adult help. Beliefs about why an individual required assistance

or if they indeed deserved it, can promote or prevent help being offered. Peers may make judgements

about who was genuine and who was only self-harming for attention. Most friends show interest and

empathy toward the adolescent, but communicate their disagreement with the self-injury.

Relationships between peers usually change after the disclosure of self-harm. Some report cutting

ties with other friend groups in order to give more attention to the self-harming individual, and some

felt as if they couldn’t partake in other activities in fear of upsetting the person. Most, if not all, peers

display reluctance to involve an adult who could provide more specialized help, as it may breach the

trust that the adolescent has for them.

Similarly, Arbuthnott and Lewis in 2015 mention that self-harming youth often seek help from

friends first, and less often from parents. This may be because the younger generations are more
8
open-minded and knowledgeable when it comes to the topic of mental health, and so there is no fear

of being judged by friends when the topic of self-injury comes up, in some cases, the habit of self-

harm has even been normalized. In the same paper, it was stated that youth with a history of self-

harm were less likely to know how parents and teachers could help, more likely to suggest that

nothing could be done by them.

Meanwhile, McDonald, O’Brien, and Jackson (2007), cite that the discovery of an adolescent’s

self-harm habits leaves parents with feelings of being inadequate as parents, in the sense that they

lacked knowledge and understanding of their child’s experience. Other feelings and reactions such as

embarrassment, blame, and hypervigilance when it came to their child were also shown.

In addition to this, Ferrey et al. in 2016 states that parents may re-evaluate their approach to

an individual when they find out about said individual’s self-harm habits. This can include the amount

of support and warmth they provide and changes to the extent in which they control and monitor the

individual. Parents’ reactions to self-harm often depend on how they perceive the situation. They may

see it as a “phase” that their child is going through, as a serious mental health issue, or as a form of

rebellion.

The initial reaction of parents is most commonly shock and horror. There is a feeling of

frustration and anger with the thought that their child would hurt themselves. Parents described

considerable stress and anxiety as an ongoing impact on their emotional and mental state. Several

reported feelings of guilt, shame, or embarrassment associated with their child’s behavior. Depression

was common among the parents as the self-harming behavior continues. In some cases, the stress of

coping with the child’s self-harm habits caused physical symptoms such as headaches, chest pains,

and physical exhaustion in the parents.

The stress associated with an adolescent’s self-harm can also affect relationships between

family members, sometimes leading to marriage difficulties. Some parents reported their marriage

9
being put under a colossal amount of strain, with some having to have separate holidays to cope with

the stress. In some cases, even hiding the extent of their child’s self-harm habits from their partner.

The impact to the adolescent’s siblings may vary. With some displaying fits of rage, showing anger

and frustration, becoming verbally abusive to the adolescent, and feelings of jealousy and resentment

with the amount of attention the adolescent gets from their parents, while some show support and

overprotectiveness. Parents and siblings may feel responsible and try to avoid conflict with the

adolescent lest they self-harm because of it.

In the study of Hughes et al. (2016), the discovery of an adolescent’s self-harm comes as a

shock to many parents, and may lead to feelings of confusion and worry that may have contributed to

this behavior, which in turn alter their behavior towards their child. Self-harm in adolescents has been

linked to different styles of parenting.

Initially, many parents tried to exert control over the self-harm by, for example, removing

access to means. There was a tendency for the parents to keep a closer eye on the adolescent, as

well as checking the child’s phone and diary. Though most parents also tried to increase supportive

parenting strategies such as affection and being more open with the child. Sometimes parents noticed

patterns in self-harming behavior that might explain the child’s actions, which could affect how

supportive they felt they could be. Some situations could lead to the use of relatively less supportive

parenting behavior, such as being stricter and more controlling.

The research of Teufel et al. in 2007 pointed out that the adolescents who reported parents as

a source of stress had more frequent self-harm habits, and that family problems are the usual cause

of their self-injury, they tend to believe that self-harm offers relief or an escape from these problems.

Furthermore, Cranab and Raja (2015) declare that perfectionism exacts a great toll on

individuals who think that only through perfection will they be able to gain fulfillment, success, love,

and acceptance of others. Perfectionism may be something that a person develops by themselves,

10
but usually stems from high parental expectations and criticism. Parents who want their children to be

perfect often withhold approval, which practically forces the child to perform well in order to satisfy

their need for approval. In most cases, the child will strive to fulfill the high expectations the parents

have, even if the child derives no pleasure in doing so. The harmful effects of parental criticism on the

child’s emotions, academic achievements, peer relations, and physiology, are potentially damaging to

brain development. As perfectionists have the tendency to react negatively to mistakes and failure,

perfectionism poses as a risk to self-harm.

On the report of Baetens et al. in 2015, self-injury in adolescents has an effect on parenting

behaviors over time. Their study shows that the initial reactions of parents are negative and tend to be

less supportive. The understanding, accepting, and dealing with self-injury is usually an ongoing

gradual process. There is a significant effect of both positive parenting and controlling parenting

behaviors in the presence of self-harm. Parenting has been identified as an important predictor for

self-harm in adolescents. Positive parenting, or behavior characterized by warmth and support, is

associated with less frequent self-injury, and controlling parenting, or behavior involving harsh

punishments and rule setting, gives way to more frequent self-harming habits in the adolescent. The

risk for the continuation of self-harm increases when less supportive parenting behaviors are shown.

Adolescents may be more likely to seek help from parents when they feel as though their

parents authentically care for them, and they are able to openly discuss their self-harm habits, and

may be more likely to seek professional help, as parents and relatives have an essential role in

initiating and supporting treatments for self-harm. There is a bigger chance for adolescents to accept

professional treatments if parents are supportive of this (Arbuthnott and Lewis, 2015).

How loved ones treat self-harming adolescents as they discover the self-harm habits are

significant, as this plays a big role in how the individual’s self-injury habits will go on. In the study of

Klineberg et al. in 2013, most participants reported negative experiences when their self-harm habits

11
had been discovered, reinforcing the desire to maintain secrecy. Shocked reactions from others

illustrated attitudes lacking emotional understanding, focusing on the physical injuries.

In some situations where the adolescent’s self-harm habits were discovered and passed on to

other people without their consent, they mentioned changes in how surrounding people treated them,

with some avoiding them and treating them as if they had a disability, which made the adolescents

angry and feel weak and exposed.

Some participants wanted others to view their self-harm, cutting themselves with the purpose

of being seen, but there’s a difference between those who simply want attention and those who

genuinely need help but don’t know how to voice it out. They described self-harm as a means of

communicating and seeking help. Adolescents who sought help hoped for confidentiality and respect.

Most adolescents who self-harm describe it as private, inwardly focused expressions of distress, often

with a reluctance to disclose and seek help. This was reinforced by comments about self-harm as

attention seeking from participants who had not self-harmed. Such perceptions may contribute to

fears about response from others, particularly where social support may be variable or lacking. Self-

harm habits being discovered by others was often viewed as a negative experience. This fear of

seeking help may cause the adolescent’s mental health to worsen, which could lead to more severe

self-harming habits, and could even lead to suicide.

A few parents reported having read their child’s journals or looked through their phones, as

well as listening in to conversations in an attempt to supervise their child’s activities more thoroughly.

They showed measures of removing televisions from bedrooms, removing internet access and

computer use, and keeping their child at home (Mcdonald et al., 2007). These parenting strategies

could backfire, making the adolescent more reserved and hide more things, as well as cause feelings

of resentment towards their parents.

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 On the other hand, positive changes toward the adolescent greatly improves not just the

relationship of the adolescent with the loved ones, but also their self-harm habits and mental health.

Family members and peers who are supportive and make an effort to comfort the individual tend to

become closer with each other (Hughes et al. 2016), and parents who increase supportive parenting

strategies such as an increase in affection, and working out healthier coping mechanisms with their

child reported an improvement in behavior. Changes in parenting strategies, namely, high parental

expectations and criticism, as well as strict and controlling forms of parenting, can also greatly

improve the adolescent’s mental health, and may lessen their self-harm.

These reactions could be related to the Kübler-Ross model or the “Five Stages of Grief” in

1969, wherein the act of self-harm in an adolescent may cause feelings of grief similar to when a

loved one dies, or other disastrous events in life, with the negative impacts being denial, anger,

bargaining, and depression, and positive impacts being acceptance, and essentially support, warmth,

and love.

As stated by Gregory (2020), Kübler-Ross noted that her model of the stages of grief are not

linear, and some may not experience any of them. This is due to the criticism the model has received

because of the mistaken belief that the five stages of grief were the specific order in which people

grieve, and that everyone experiences all the stages.

At the discovery of an adolescent’s self-harm, the initial feelings of shock, embarrassment, and

disbelief of a loved one can be associated with the first stage of grief, which is denial. In this period of

time, parents and friends may refuse to acknowledge and talk about the person’s self-injury, and

refuse to come to terms with it, in some cases, even avoiding the person. The second stage of grief,

which is anger, can be associated with the negative changes in behavior towards the adolescent. The

loss of warmth towards the person, the judgement and stigma, as well as the stricter and more

controlling parenting strategies, fall under this stage. The third stage, bargaining, is when loved ones

try to talk the adolescent out of their self-harming habits. Where they try to give or do whatever the
13
person wants in hopes of getting them to stop with the self-injury. This stage is sometimes abused by

the adolescent, as they may use self-harm as a threat to get what they want. The fourth stage is

depression. This stage often lasts the longest, and may be experienced by most, if not all, of the loved

ones of a self-harming adolescent. With this stage, parents and peers experience the stress and

anxiety that comes with dealing with the adolescent’s self-harm. They may blame themselves for not

knowing sooner, or for not being able to prevent it. The loved ones’ mental, emotional, and even

physical health are affected the most in this stage. Finally, the fifth stage, which is acceptance. This is

where the positive impacts show. As the loved ones display love and support toward the adolescent,

and suggest therapy or other forms of help, their acceptance can be seen.

The study of Russel in 2017 about the experiences of parents of self-harming adolescents

somewhat explains this concept and how it relates to the behavior of loved ones in relation to an

adolescent’s self-harm habits. The study mentioned feelings of denial, blame, guilt, and anxiety from

the participants, who are mothers of self-harming adolescents.

Synthesis

There’s a significant difference in how parents and peers react to an adolescent’s self-harm,

which is the reason for why friends are often the support resource of choice during times of emotional

distress, and why youth seek help from friends first, and less often from parents (Fisher et al., 2017;

Arbuthnott and Lewis, 2015).

Peers tend to provide support in the form of interest and empathy toward the adolescent. The

initial reaction of peers upon the discovery of an adolescent’s self-harm are often positive, showing

understanding, sympathy, and offering companionship (Fisher et al., 2017).

As opposed to parents, who’s initial reactions lean towards the more negative side, with the

initial reaction most commonly being shock and horror. Considerable stress and anxiety as long-term
14
impacts on their emotional and mental state have been described, and depression is commonly

reported among the parents. In some cases, the stress of coping with the child’s self-harm habits

causes physical symptoms such as headaches, chest pains, and physical exhaustion (Ferrey et al.,

2016). The positive reactions that peers initially showed mostly manifest over time for the parents.

The understanding, accepting, and dealing with self-injury is usually an ongoing gradual process

(Baetens et al. 2015).

There are distinguishable changes in loved ones’ behavior towards self-harming individuals as

well. Parents report changes in their parenting strategies toward their child; becoming stricter, more

controlling, and breaches in trust and privacy being the negative changes, and an increase in

affection, warmth, and support being the positive changes (Baetens et al., 2015).

While negative changes are more common among parents, they may manifest in peers as well.

Most participants in the study of Klineberg et al. (2013) reported negative experiences upon the

discovery of their self-harm habits, and a lack in emotional understanding. In some cases, their self-

harm habits were spread to other people without their consent, and behaviors such as avoidance,

judgement, and unfair treatment were displayed among peers.

These changes in behavior play a fundamental role in the future of an adolescent’s self-

harming behavior, as negative changes cause feelings of resentment and anger from the adolescent,

which could lead to more severe self-harming habits, as well as suicide (Klineberg et al., 2013), while

positive changes greatly improve bonds and relationships between the loved ones and the

adolescent, and also lessen the amount of self-harm (Hughes et al. 2016).

The reactions and behaviors shown may be compared with the “Five Stages of Grief”,

specifically, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Each stage displays different

types of behavior upon the discovery of an adolescent’s self-harm.

15
16
 Chapter 3

METHODOLOGY

This chapter discusses the research design, research locale, participants/respondents of the

study, sampling technique, research instrument, data gathering, and ethical consideration.

Research Design

In order to understand the behavior of loved ones toward an adolescent committing self-harm,

a qualitative research design was used. According to Creswell in 1994, qualitative research is an

inquiry process of understanding based on distinct methodological traditions of inquiry that explore a

social or human problem. The participants of the study were given the freedom to answer the guide

questions in their own way, and these answers were used to further grasp the concept of this study.

Research Locale

The study was conducted in Philippine Pasay Chung Hua Academy. A private, non-sectarian

school located in 2269 A. Luna St., Pasay City.

Participants/Respondents of the Study

The study involved five individuals located in different areas across Luzon, Philippines, namely

Makati City, Pasay City, and the Province of Cavite, who are all involved and familiar with an

adolescent committing self-harm.

17
 Two of the respondents are mothers of adolescents committing self-harm. The first respondent

is a 45-year-old mother of a senior high school student from Makati City. The second respondent is a

44-year-old mother of a senior high school student from Pasay City.

Three of the respondents are senior high school students and are close friends with an

adolescent committing self-harm. The third and fourth respondents are both 17-year-old STEM

students studying in Philippine Pasay Chung Hua Academy. The third respondent, a male, is from

Pasay City, and the fourth, a female, is from Makati City. Lastly, the fifth respondent, a female, is a

16-year-old STEM student studying in De La Salle University of Dasmariñas, from Dasmariñas,

Cavite.

Sampling Technique

In order to gather data needed for this study, the researcher used a sampling technique called

purposive sampling. Purposive sampling, according to Patton (2002), is a technique widely used in

qualitative research for the identification and selection of information-rich cases for the effective use of

limited resources. This involves identifying and selecting individuals or groups of individuals that are

especially knowledgeable about or experienced with a phenomenon of interest. This technique was

chosen by the researcher to be used because the topic of this study required participants with certain

and specific experiences that not all people have, thus, the qualified participants had to be identified

and selected by the researcher.

Research Instrument

The researcher conducted one-on-one interviews with the respondents as the main instrument

in gathering the essential information for this study. A semi-structured interview was the method

18
chosen to be able to personalize more questions, and to further discuss the information given by each

participant with regards to their specific situations and experiences. As stated by Hitchcock and

Hughes (1989), “the semi-structured interview allows depth to be achieved by providing the

opportunity on the part of the interviewer to probe and expand the interviewee’s responses…some

kind of balance between the interviewer and the interviewee can develop which can provide room for

negotiation, discussion, and expansion of the interviewee’s responses.”

The researcher prepared fifteen guide questions for the interviews. Throughout the interviews,

the researcher either asked more or less questions depending on the answers of the respondents.

The follow-up questions consisted of clarifications on the interviewee’s answers and experiences.

Data Gathering

Four of the one-on-one interviews were done by the researcher through private messages with

the respondents, due to the COVID-19 pandemic wherein it was impossible to do the interviews in

person, and one interview was done face-to-face due to the respondent being in the vicinity of the

researcher.

The researcher followed a set of guide questions, which were customized and adjusted

depending on the respondent and how they answered. There were also follow-up questions given for

the researcher to further understand the ideas, experiences, and perspectives of the respondents. All

interviews went on for approximately an hour, depending on how long it took for the respondents to

answer and how many follow-up questions the researcher had.

As the interviews were conducted through chat, the respondents’ answers were copy-pasted to

be used for this study, though were slightly edited to fix mistakes in spelling and to better understand

the context of what the respondents were saying, and the researcher made sure to type and take note

of everything the respondent has said in the one face-to-face interview.

19
Ethical Consideration

The subject of the interview was discussed with the respondents beforehand, and it was made

known that the information they give will be used in this study. The interviews were arranged at times

when the respondents weren’t busy, and were in no rush to answer the questions.

As the subject of the interview concerned a sensitive matter, the respondents were given the

choice to back out if they were not comfortable with the topic. The researcher made sure to inform the

respondents that their identities will remain anonymous, and that their privacy will be protected. Some

information from the interviews was edited, to protect the identity of either the respondent or the self-

harming adolescent that the respondent is talking about.

The researcher guarantees that all the information to be shared are protected by the Republic

Act 10173 or the “Data Privacy Act of 2012”, which protects the fundamental human rights of privacy,

of communication while ensuring a free flow of information to promote innovation and growth.

20
 Chapter 4

PRESENTATION, ANALYSIS, AND INTERPRETATION OF DATA

This chapter presents the analysis and interpretation of all the data gathered that has been

organized according to the sequence of the problems of the study.

1. The initial behavior of loved ones towards an adolescent committing self-harm;

behavior before finding out about person’s self-harm habits

At the start of the interview, the respondents were asked about how they treated the adolescent

before finding out about his/her self-harm habits. The first three respondents, the peers, described

their relationship with the adolescent as a true friend, a close friend, and a normal friend, respectively.

The last two respondents, the parents, showed similarities in behavior; somewhat strict, but wanting

their child to be open with them. This style of parenting fits under the “Authoritative” style of parenting

from Baumrind’s descriptions of parenting styles (1996). Parents who use this style have high-but

reasonable-expectations for their children’s behavior, and are supportive and show interest in their

kids’ activities. The Authoritative style of parenting has been found to be the most effective parenting

style in academic, social emotional, and behavioral ways. Though this shows that positive parenting

styles on a child’s upbringing doesn’t necessarily lessen the chances of the child hurting themselves,

and that parents and family matters aren’t always the reason for a person’s self-harming. This can be

linked to the study of Meekings and O’Brien (2004) that was mentioned earlier on in this study, which

states that while there is evidence that young people who self-harm frequently come from

‘dysfunctional’, abusive or chaotic families, not all self-harm can be linked to abusive family members

or family dysfunction.

21
 R4: First, bago ko madiscover yung incident medyo strict, open naman sa

gustong sabihin. As much as possible gusto ko yung open. Ayoko ng may secrets

between (X) and sakin.

R5: As a mother, I’m kind of strict in some ways I think. Somehow trying to play it

cool din when it comes to bonding. They seldom share secrets. Most of the time it was

me. I’m open with my feelings, but I think they are not but if they only knew, I’m trying

my best for them to open up.

2. The changes in the loved ones’ approach to the person, if there were any

As the interview went on, the respondents were asked if their views or thoughts about the

person changed; if they started seeing that person as weaker, or a bad person, for having self-harm

habits. All the respondents stated that their view of the adolescent did not change, but instead they

became more aware and understanding of what that person was going through.

R1: Nothing changed and nothing will. I believe that a person who is in hurt or

pain, they do not need sympathy they need love, support, and most especially you, their

friend.

R2: At first I was taken aback, kasi nga the reason was pretty weird for me. But

then I got used to it so it became normal nalang for me. As a friend I don’t think that

made that person weak and I don’t think it made him a bad person.

R3: Nagbago lang in a way na aware na ko sa situation niya, syempre people

that deals with those in my personal opinion needs to be taken care of. Fragile kumbaga

but never weak.

R4: Hindi, but instead parang, more ko siyang inunderstand. Parang hurtful kasi

feeling ko nagfail ako as a mother. Pero I tried to understand yung emotions and yung

22
 feelings ko. Kasi inisip ko maybe mas kailangan nya ako sa mga moment na yun…

naisip ko na parang, siguro nga I missed something. May hindi ako naprovide.

R5: Not weak, not bad. I don’t look at the person that way. I will be the most

affected, hurt, I will feel helpless. Nothing changed, but how it made me realize I’m not

doing my best pa pala kasi diko alam may pingdadaanan pala sila na diko alam. The

way I look at them and feel for them will not change.

The respondents were asked to name which emotions among the “Five Stages of Grief” they

felt in regards to the adolescent’s self-harm. All the respondents answered differently. R1 and R5 felt

immediate acceptance, R2 felt bargaining before acceptance, and R3 as well as R4 felt a range of

emotions before settling on acceptance. A common factor here is that they all felt acceptance at some

point in time.

R1: Acceptance. All flaws and pains of my friends I genuinely accept them and

move forward. Their status right now does not define who they are…so I accepted it and

do my part as their friend…ff they need me I’ll be here…anong magagawa ng galit ko or

lungkot ko eh kung may pinagdadaanan sila?

R3: Anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance…like galit ka sa sarili mo kasi

hindi mo nga alam pano sila tulungan. Di mo man lang napipigilan. Di mo man lang

nahalata. Syempre malulungkot ka seeing that person resort to that. Hindi ko maaatim

na ginagawa niya yun kaya hangga’t kaya tutulong ako…as much as possible kasi

iniiwasan kong magdictate or kahit advise ng gagawin nila, ano bang alam ko sa hirap

nila to tell them what to do? More on I try hard to let them feel na they’re not alone and

as a friend I’m always there by their side. Di ko tanggap in the sense na hindi ko

hahayaan na ganun lang sila. Pero tanggap ko namang ginagawa na nila yun.

23
 Regardless of who the respondent was, whether a peer or a respondent, they all stated that

they felt that they were lacking in some way in relation to the person’s self-harming behavior.

R1: Yes. Everybody does but we could not help it eh. I have to stay in my

position. I do not want to cross over the line. I’ll be selfish if that happened.

R3: Yes. Kasi nga like I said I don’t think I did enough to say na they stopped

entirely because of it.

R5: Oo, kasi I don’t know what to do when I see them commit self-harm.

When asked if their behavior or approach towards the adolescent changed, R1, R2, and R3 all

made it clear that how they treated that person did not change, while on the contrary, R4 and R5

stated that there was a change in their approach.

R4: Oo nagchange. Kung strict ako nung una, siguro, ano, binawasan ko

pagiging strict ko. Mas gusto ko na makasama sya parati, gusto ko na

makapagkwentuhan kami, and ayun…binigay ko talaga lahat ng pwede kong ibigay,

lahat ng effort ko. Kung pwede, na pag may gusto, may hinihingi, may request,

binibigay ko agad…

R5: I’m kind of strict in some ways I think, but compared to how my parents are

naman I think I’m not that harsh to them. After I found out about their behavior, I just

gave them more understanding and time.

As expected, due to the related literature and studies mentioned beforehand, there were not

that many changes in views or behavior when it came to the peer respondents, and there were more

noticeable changes with the respondents who were parents; namely, a change in strictness and

understanding for their child.

24
 3. The differences and similarities between the behavior of friends and the behavior of

parents towards the self-harming individual

The respondents were asked about how they felt when they found out about the person’s self-

harm habits. Regardless of their closeness with the adolescent in question, R1 and R3, who

described the person as a true friend and a normal friend, respectively, expressed relatively same

levels of worry and concern for the person and took the matter seriously,

R1: When I first found out about self-harm habit, my first response was I really

should take this matter seriously because, this habit is caused by our unstable mental

health. I cannot stop them.

R3: Syempre worried, friend mo and I can’t help but to think na pano ako

makakahelp sakanya, pano ko mapapagaan man lang loob niya?

Whereas R2, who described the person as a close friend, showed only minimal concern and slight

judgement over the person’s reasons for self-harming.

R2: I felt like it was pretty stupid, and little bit concerned…well I’m more used to

the reason kasi na depressed, angry, punishment and such, but that person's reason

was it felt good...

Both R4 and R5 conveyed feelings of hurt and sadness upon the discovery. Both mentioned

questioning the adolescent’s motives and reasons.

R5: Hurt. Initial reaction would be, asking why? Have I done or said something

wrong? So have to reach out. I hope my kids will open up.

Upon discovery of a certain adolescent’s self-harm habits, the peer respondents had initial

reactions of worry and concern, and even a little nonchalance, on the other hand, parent respondents

had initial reactions of hurt, sadness, and shock.

25
 Comparing the answers of the respondents who are peers and who are parents on the

interview questions stated above, specifically the questions asking about the loved ones’ views and

approach towards an adolescent upon discovery of his/her self-harm habits, there is a noticeable

difference in their perspectives and approach with the person regarding his/her self-harm habits.

Similar to the contents in the study of Arbuthnott and Lewis (2015), which mention that younger

generations are more open-minded and knowledgeable when it comes to topics concerning mental

health and self-harm, and in some cases, even normalizing these matters, the answers of the peer

respondents of this study showed how composed they were on the topic; they felt worry and concern,

but in the end treated the person as they normally would.

R4 and R5, who had perspectives and behaviors different from the peer respondents, though

similar to each other, can contribute to the research of Ferrey et al. in 2016, which states that parents

may re-evaluate their approach to an individual when they find out about said individual’s self-harm

habits, which can include the amount of warmth, support, and understanding the parents give to their

child. R4 and R5 expressed that their views and thoughts on their child did not change, and the

change that occurred was more focused on themselves as parents; if they were lacking or doing

something wrong. These two respondents also declared that their approach towards their child

changed, being more understanding, less strict, etc.

In regards to how the peer respondents reacted upon the discovery of the adolescent’s self-

harm habits, this can be supported by the study of Shepherd (2020), where it is indicated that friends

provide support by being directly there for young people, providing distractions, and taking

responsibility. Peers consider the adolescent’s perspectives more, and spend more time with them.

While for the parent respondents, the study of Oldershaw et al. in 2018, could be related to

their answers. Their study brought up that an instinctive response for parents upon the discovery of

self-harm habits was to question their child’s motives behind it, and that several emotions were

recalled by the respondents, including shock, disappointment, guilt and fear, sadness, and hurt.
26
 4. Methods and attitudes loved ones could adopt that could somewhat help in lessening

the person’s self-harm habits.

All respondents answered that they’ve tried to help the adolescent stop with self-harming; R1

and R4 stated that they noticed the habit somewhat lessening, but not completely stopping.

R1: I did. because their choices changes every time I give them will to choose.

R4: Nagwork naman sya for quite some time, pero may mga times na ginagawa

niya parin.

R3 and R5 were unsure if there was a change in the person’s habits, but expressed feelings of

hope that it did.

R3: I don’t really know kung meron. More on hoped. Sabihin na natin siguro I

gave comfort. Pero I don’t think it’s enough to say na they stopped because of it.

R5: I’m not sure if it was because of me, I hope so. Pero I think nakatulong

naman.

And R2 stated that he tried to help but it didn’t work.

R2: I tried bargaining but it didn’t work.

The respondents were also asked if they’ve told the adolescent to get professional help, and if

they think it would’ve helped. All the respondents, except for R2, stated that they’ve mentioned

professional help to the adolescent in question, though all of them acknowledged the fact that

professional help could lessen the self-harm.

R1: Yes. I am not knowledgeable and not worthy to discuss some health issues,

so it’s better to seek help

R3: Oo, personally I think it would’ve helped.

27
 R5: I gave my son a phone number of someone. I also looked for professionals in

Facebook, because I really think it would help a lot.

Though the reason why R2 didn’t mention professional help to the person was because he knew the

person wouldn’t bother with it.

R2: I didn’t and I think the person wouldn’t even bother thinking about it…well I

think it would depend on the person committing self-harm. But yeah it would help even a

little.

All five of the respondents declared that they kept the matter private, though R4 and R5, the

parent respondents, have mentioned it to professionals, and R4 has also mentioned it to her mother,

as she needed support and advice.

R1: No. It’s between the person who did that and me. Of course it’s not my right

to tell others

R3: No. Privacy matters for me.

R4: Kay lola niya lang, kasi kelangan ko ng ano eh, kelangan ko ng advice, kasi

baka mauna pa kong mabaliw sa kanya. Saka dun sa therapist niya.

When asked about what behaviors and instances they thought affected the person’s self-harm

habits, they all answered differently. R1 mentioned giving affection, R2 and R4 kept the person busy,

R3 stated that attentiveness helped, and R5 acknowledged that the adolescent’s friends helped.

R3: Attentiveness helps. Listening to them hopefully helps. When things go hard

oo ginagawa niya.

28
 R4: Parang kinekeep ko na maging busy siya. Kung may gusto siya kunyare sa

musical instruments, kahit papano binibigay ko naman. Para lang makalimutan niya

mga nagbbother sa kanya.

The respondents were questioned about how self-harming people should be treated, to not

make their habits worse; in general, and not thinking of specific people. Again, all five respondents

answered similarly; R1 mentioned support and love, R2 mentioned spending time with the person, R3

answered gentleness and care, R4 and R5 answered continuous reaching out and understanding for

the person, as well as giving unconditional love.

R2: Spend time with them. Let them not have enough time to think of wanting to

harm themselves.

R3: Gentleness and care or if wala silang care sa tao edi they should learn how

to shut up and not make others feel worse.

R4: Kelangan talaga silang kausapin, intindihin, as much as possible ano,

kelangan mo silang mahalin ng hanggang kaya mo.

The final question in the interview was about if the respondents thought that negative

behaviors such as forcing the person to stop and being more controlling, would affect his/her self-

harm habits. They all declared that those kinds of approaches toward a self-harming individual would

make their habits worse.

R1: Yes. Cause you do not let them to stop when they want to na eh. You are

giving them hard time lalo.

R2: Yeah. I think it will make the person want to retaliate making the person

commit self-harm more often.

29
 R5: Yes. Binawasan ko nga yung pagiging controlling ko because I think mas

lalayo sila sakin. Controlling them or forcing them to stop will make them feel more

distanced.

It is clearly shown in the respondents’ answers that positive behaviors warrant positive

changes in the adolescent’s habits. In the study of Hetrick et al. in 2020, they explore the factors and

triggers of self-harm in the youth, as well as the helpful strategies. Distressing emotions, relationship

difficulties, and school/work difficulties were described by their participants as the primary triggers for

their self-harm. Instances such as failing to meet parental expectations, not having supportive and

open families in terms of mental health and problems, and being exposed to the self-harm of others

were also reported as factors.

In their study, it was stated that different things work for different people, and at different times

as well as different situations. This could be proven by the responses from this study about questions

involving what behaviors and approaches helped in the specific adolescent each respondent was

referring to. All the respondents had different answers, which could mean that the approach of R1

might not work with the adolescent that R5 is referring to, and vice versa.

The respondents in the study of Hetrick et al. mentioned that distraction techniques such as

drawing, going for a run, or watching movies, helped them. They also described the importance of

connecting with others, such as speaking to friends or family, as well as online forums where they felt

that they were understood. Being in a public environment in the presence of others helped as well in

preventing self-harm. The helpful strategies that were described in their study correlate with the

answers of the respondents in this current study.

30
 Chapter 5

SUMMARY OF FINDINGS, CONCLUSIONS, AND RECOMMENDATIONS

This chapter presents the summary of the findings, conclusions, and recommendations of the

study.

Summary of Findings

From the data gathered and analyzed, the findings of the study are as follows:

1. The peer respondents described the self-harming adolescent they were each referring to as a

true friend, a close friend, and a normal friend, respectively. Whereas the parent respondents

fell under the “Authoritative” style of parenting of Baumrind’s description of parenting styles

(1996), wherein they are somewhat strict with their child and have high expectations, but also

want their child to be open and honest with them.

2. All the respondents made it clear that their thoughts and view on the adolescent in question

didn’t change. As for the behavior and approach, the peer respondents stated that though they

showed worry for the person, they treated him/her as they normally would, and the parent

respondents stated that they became less strict and more understanding when it came to their

child. When relating the “Five Stages of Grief” to the emotions the loved ones felt in regards to

an adolescent’s self-harm, the respondents’ answers differed. While some felt immediate

acceptance, other felt a range of emotions before feeling acceptance. All the respondents felt

as if they were lacking something to help the adolescent stop self-harming.

3. There was a noticeable difference between the behavior of the peer respondents and the

parent respondents. The initial reaction of the peer respondents was worry and concern, while

the parent respondents felt hurt and sadness, as well as questioning the adolescent’s reasons

31
 for self-harming. The peer respondents continued treating the adolescent as they usually

would, and the parent respondents changed their parenting approach.

4. All five of the respondents tried to help the self-harming adolescent, but the results varied; for

some it somewhat worked, for others it didn’t. They all responded that professional help would

indeed help the adolescent’s self-harm habits, though some wouldn’t be willing to get it. The

respondents kept the matter private, aside from the parent respondents who confided in mental

health professionals. The respondents all answered differently when asked what they thought

affected the adolescent in question’s self-harm habits; affection, distractions, and attentiveness

were among the answers. On the other hand, the respondents had similar answers when

asked about their opinion on how self-harming people should be treated to not make their

habits worse; generally, and not thinking of specific people. They all responded with positive

behaviors such as giving support and unconditional love, as well as spending time with the

person. All the respondents share the same outlook that negative views and behaviors will

badly affect a self-harming individual.

Conclusions

Based on the aforementioned results of the study, the following conclusions were drawn:

1. As there are various reasons for why an adolescent may commit self-harm, how well one is

treated by friends or by parents does not necessarily lessen the possibility of that person self-

harming.

2. Peers are less likely to change their views and behaviors towards a self-harming individual,

though this depends on the person. On the other hand, parents are more likely to change how

they treat their child, as they may feel that it’s their fault why their child self-harmed in the first

place, even if that may not be the case.

32
3. It is more common for parents to have positive changes in views and behaviors in regards to

their self-harming child such as an increase in affection, support, and understanding, but it is

still possible for there to be negative changes.

4. A loved one may feel a large range of emotions in regards to an adolescent’s self-harming

such as, worry, concern, sadness, hurt, guilt, and anger, but at some point in time, will learn to

feel acceptance; some may take a shorter time than others, and vice versa.

5. Even if a loved one has tried their best in helping a self-harming person, they may still feel as if

they are lacking.

6. A person, whether a peer of a parent, may try to help a self-harming adolescent, but this isn’t

guaranteed to work.

7. Many seem to think that professional help would help a self-harming individual, but not all self-

harming people are willing to get it.

8. Different strategies work for different people. Just because a certain approach works for one

self-harming adolescent, it’s not guaranteed that it will for work for another, as people could

have different situations, different triggers, and different reasons for self-harming. One should

not assume that a certain strategy would work for everyone.

9. Positive behaviors towards a self-harming adolescent will, more often than not, help in

lessening his/her self-harm habits, and negative behaviors will always worsen a self-harming

adolescent’s habits.

10. Common triggers for self-harm are: distressing emotions, relationship difficulties, failing to meet

parental expectations, and a lack of support.

11. The most common strategies that are helpful are: drawing, going for a run, watching movies,

connecting with others, and being in public environments.

33
Recommendations

The following recommendations have been made based on the findings and conclusions of the

study:

1. Loved ones could try to be more patient and understanding with the self-harming adolescent,

and work on developing positive and supportive behaviors in dealing with him/her.

2. Loved ones could look into therapy which could help the adolescent, talk to a professional for

advice on how to deal with the adolescent, or even get family therapy, which could encourage

the adolescent to be more comfortable in talking about his/her problems.

3. Since the scope of this study is too small for there to be significant conclusions and results,

future researchers should further explore this topic on a larger scale, in order for the results to

be more accurate.

4. There should be more studies expounding on this topic and other similar topics, as it was made

clear in related literatures that there is a lack of study on this matter.

34
 References

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Scotland with experience of self-harm. Educational Psychology in Practice.
https://doi.org/10.1080/02667363.2020.1772726

2. Ferrey, A.E., Hughes, N.D., Simkin, S., Locock, L., Stewart, A., Kapur, N., Gunnell, D.,
Hawton, K. (2016). Changes in parenting strategies after a young person’s self-harm: a
qualitative study. Child Adolesc Psychiatry Ment Health. https://doi.org/10.1186/s13034-
016-0110-y

3. Russell, S.N. (2017). Experiences of Parents of Self-Harming Adolescent Children.

Walden University ScholarWorks.
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article=5356&context=dissertations

4. McDonald, G., O’Brien, L., Jackson, D. (2007). Guilt and shame: experiences of parents
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5. Klineberg, E., Kelly, M.J., Stanfeld, S.A., Bhui, K.S. (2013). How do adolescents talk
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6. Arbuthnott, A.E., Lewis, S.P. (2015). Parents of youth who self-injure: a review of the
literature and implications for mental health professionals. Child Adolesc Psychiatry
Ment Health. https://doi.org/10.1186/s13034-015-0066-3

7. Oldershaw, A., Richards, C., Simic, M., Schmidt, U. (2018). Parents’ perspectives on
adolescent self-harm: Qualitative study. British Journal of Psychiatry.
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8. Fisher, K., Fitzgerald, J., Tuffin, K. (2017). Peer Responses to Non-Suicidal Self-Injury:
Young Women Speak About the Complexity of the Support-Provider Role. New Zealand
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191a85f36ce9e20de2e2fa3869197735/2018/08/Peer-Responses-to-Non-Suicidal-Self-
Injury_oa.pdf

9. Cranab, A.L., Raja, B.W.D., (2015). Perfectionism: A Risk to Self-Harm.

https://doi.org/10.26634/jpsy.8.3.3100
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Among Early Adolescents: A Brief Report. The Health Education Monograph Series

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Model. https://www.psycom.net/depression.central.grief.html

13. Ferrey, A.E., Hughes, N.D., Simkin, S., Locock, L., Stewart, A., Kapur, N., Gunnell, D.,
Hawton, K. (2016). The impact of self-harm by young people on parents and families: a
qualitative study. BMJ Publishing Group Limited. doi: 10.1136/bmjopen-2015-009631

14. Hetrick, S.E., Subasinghe, A., Anglin, K., Hart, L., Morgan, A., Robinson, J. (2020).
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15. http://www.devpsy.org/teaching/parent/baumrind_styles.html

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 Appendix

RAW DATA FROM INTERVIEWS

1. What was your initial behavior towards the person? How did you usually treat him/her

before finding out about the person’s self-harm habits?

R1: My initial behavior was very the same since I met (X). I always treat my true friends as my family

that is why when I learnt about (X)’s situation, I did not really care on the changes that might occur. I

kept in mind that (X) is still my friend that I chose to continue loving (X) and supporting (X) since day

one.

R2: Well I was close with person. I would say I spend a lot of time with the person.

R3: A normal friend lang. Like nothing really special kasi same way ng pagtreat ko sa ibang tao.

Ganun din ako sa kanya.

R4: First, bago ko madiscover yung incident medyo strict, open naman sa gustong sabihin. As much

as possible gusto ko yung open. Ayoko ng may secrets between (X) and sakin.

R5: As a mother, I’m kind of strict in some ways I think. Somehow trying to play it cool din when it

comes to bonding. They seldom share secrets. Most of the time it was me. I’m open with my feelings,

but I think they are not but if they only knew, I’m trying my best for them to open up.

37
 2. How did you feel when you found out about the self-harm habit?

R1: When I first found out about self-harm habit, my first response was I really should take this matter

seriously because, this habit is caused by our unstable mental health. I cannot stop them.

R2: I felt like it was pretty stupid, and little bit concerned. “Why stupid?” Well I’m more used to the

reason kasi na depressed, angry, punishment and such, but that person's reason was it felt good...

R3: Syempre worried, friend mo and I can’t help but to think na pano ako makakahelp sakanya, pano

ko mapapagaan man lang loob niya?

R4: Sad. Parang ano, failed as a mom.

R5: Hurt. “Can you elaborate po?” Initial reaction would be, asking why? Have I done or said

something wrong? So have to reach out. I hope my kids will open up.

3. Did your view or thoughts about the person change? Did you start seeing this person as

weaker, a bad person, a bad kid, etc.?

R1: Nothing changed and nothing will. I believe that a person who is in hurt or pain, they do not need

sympathy they need love, support, and most especially you, their friend.

R2: At first I was taken aback, kasi nga the reason was pretty weird for me. But then I got used to it so

it became normal nalang for me. As a friend I don’t think that made that person weak and I don’t think

it made him a bad person.

R3: Nagbago lang in a way na aware na ko sa situation niya, syempre people that deals with those in

my personal opinion needs to be taken care of. Fragile kumbaga but never weak.

38
R4: Hindi, but instead parang, more ko siyang inunderstand. Parang hurtful kasi feeling ko nagfail ako

as a mother. Pero I tried to understand yung emotions and yung feelings ko. Kasi inisip ko maybe

mas kailangan nya ako sa mga moment na yun. Mas kelangan ako kasi parang ano, naisip ko na

parang, siguro nga I missed something. May hindi ako naprovide. May kulang ako as a mom.

R5: Not weak, not bad. I don’t look at the person that way. I will be the most affected, hurt, I will feel

helpless. “Pero did something change po with how you thought of the person? or wala naman

po?” Nothing changed, but how it made me realize I’m not doing my best pa pala kasi diko alam may

pingdadaanan pala sila na diko alam. The way I look at them and feel for them will not change.

4. Did you behavior/approach towards the person change after finding out about the self-

harm?

R1: -

R2: Nope. It didn’t.

R3: I don’t think I did. Para sakin I treat that someone well na. And I just reminded that person again

na kung kailangan niya ko nandito ako. I don’t want him/her to think na nagbago tingin ko sakanya

dahil lang sa nalaman ko.

R4: Oo nagchange. Kung strict ako nung una, siguro, ano, binawasan ko pagiging strict ko. Mas

gusto ko na makasama sya parati, gusto ko na makapagkwentuhan kami, and ayun, pero kasi ano, di

na sya nagoopen up. Di na nagkkwento. The more na tinatanong ko si (X), the more na iniiwasan

ako, and tapos parang yun talaga, binigay ko talaga lahat ng pwede kong ibigay, lahat ng effort ko.

Kung pwede, na pag may gusto, may hinihingi, may request, binibigay ko agad, pero the more na

ginawa ko yun, the more na lumalayo sakin. So naghanap ako ng other way, mga taong pwede kong

kausapin tungkol dun para maintindihan ko behavior ni (X). Tinanong ko teachers niya nun kung

ganun rin ba siya school, loner, mabilis magalit, di malapitan, sabi nila hindi naman daw. So, I looked
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for a person na pwedeng makausap ni (X), someone who knows what she’s doing. Na pwede niyang

makausap about dun kasi di talaga healthy yun ginagawa niya na yun.

R5: I’m kind of strict in some ways I think, but compared to how my parents are naman I think I’m not

that harsh to them. After I found out about their behavior, I just gave them more understanding and

time.

5. If you could choose among the “Five Stages of Grief’, namely, denial, anger bargaining,

depression, and acceptance, which of these emotions did you feel in regards to the

person self-harming?

R1: Acceptance. All flaws and pains of my friends I genuinely accept them and move forward. Their

status right now does not define who they are. Because they are having a severe pain or sadness that

even I could not heal them. So I accepted it and do my part as their friend. Wala nagchange over

time. If they need me I’ll be here. Ganun lang. anong magagawa ng galit ko or lungkot ko eh kung

may pinagdadaanan sila? Accept and move forward sa path nIyo as friends. You got friends that can

carry you until you can move your feet na.

R2: I would probably choose bargaining and acceptance. Was bargaining at first, then decided to just

accept it. At first, I was telling the person to just a punch a wall or something instead of cutting your

arm if you just want pain lang rin naman. But since the person wasn’t listening. I just thought, "Well if

that’s what you want".

R3: Anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Is confusion under anger? Like galit ka sa sarili mo

kasi hindi mo nga alam pano sila tulungan. Di mo man lang napipigilan. Di mo man lang nahalata.

Syempre malulungkot ka seeing that person resort to that. Hindi ko maaatim na ginagawa niya yun

kaya hangga’t kaya tutulong ako so siguro bargaining toh no? “How did you act on the bargaining

part?” I think kung may kaibigan akong marereveal na nagseself harm I would be stuck sa bargaining

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part. As much as possible kasi iniiwasan kong magdictate or kahit advise ng gagawin nila, ano bang

alam ko sa hirap nila to tell them what to do? More on I try hard to let them feel na they’re not alone

and as a friend I’m always there by their side. Di ko tanggap in the sense na hindi ko hahayaan na

ganun lang sila. Pero tanggap ko namang ginagawa na nila yun.

R4: At first anger, di ko matanggap na magagawa niya yun sa sarili niya, and then parang, siguro kasi

parang diko maisip na saan ako nagkulang, parang diko matanggap, parang lahat naman binigay ko,

sometimes nagsisinungaling na ko sa daddy ni (X) para pagtakpan siya, and yet nagagawa niya parin

yung mga bagay na ginagawa niya, and yun, nakakasakit sa akin, nakakagalit sa akin, pero diko yun

pinapafeel sa kanyang nagagalit ako kasi ayokong magtrigger pa. Ayokong maulit niya yun. Kasi

parang alam ko na naguguluhan siya, may di siya naiintindihan sa sarili siya, may di ka naiintindihan

sa environment, and sa kapatid niya. Kasi feeling ko di niya talaga sya matanggap. Siguro naisip niya

na di na naming siya mahal o nabawasan pagmamahal naming kasi nagkaron siya ng kapatid. Yung

bargaining, naisip ko na ano, ipakausap si (X) sa parang “coach” kasi ayaw nya naman na patawagin

syang psychologist, parang therapist lang siya. Kelangan lang nyang kausapin si (X) para bigyan siya

ng advice kung di siya komportable makipagusap sakin.

R5: Acceptance. Kasi ayun na yung situation eh. Nasaktan ako as a mother syempre but I cannot

help but just accept it. “How did you act po sa feeling of acceptance? For example po did you

give emotional support, more understanding, etc.” I gave them more understanding nalang. I

made them feel that I am here whenever they need me

6. Did you ever try to help the person stop? If yes, how did you try to do it? If no, why not?

R1: Yes. Every friend wants their friends to be okay or good in health. I tried but I do not push them to

stop like, you have to stop. Instead, I show them love and give them choices if they are telling me if

they will do it. I let them choose because, their choices matter the most

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R2: No, because I was harming myself as well back then so I thought it’ll be hypocrite of me.

R3: Oo naman I tried. Sa gantong posisyon ko sa buhay nila siguro listening and staying na ang

pinakanagawa ko

R4: Yung isa nga dun sa finorce ko. Pinilit ko talaga na baguhin siya saka pagalingin kung pwede

lang. Pinakausap ko pa nga siya sa therapist, pero natigil yun kasi nagbigay siya ng assessment

sakin na ok na daw siya na kaya nakampante ako. Pwede na daw, di na daw magagawa mga bagay

na yun. Tapos ano, as much as possible pinapalayo ko kapatid niya sa kanya kasi alam kong ayaw ni

(X) sa kanya. Minsan mabigat sa loob ko na sinisigawan niya sya, na naaaway sya, pero iniintindi ko

yun

R5: I tried to make them stop. I tried asking them kung ano bang mali. if I was lacking in something

ba. I kept reaching out.

7. If you tried to help the person, did it work? Or did you notice a difference?

R1: I did. because their choices changes every time I give them will to choose. I am happy especially

for (X) because (X) conquered it. (X) chose a path that they know will be very hard for them to escape

yet every time (X) wanted to, they weigh things and decide what is best for them and their health.

R2: I tried bargaining but it didn’t work.

R3: I don’t really know kung meron. More on hoped. Sabihin na natin siguro I gave comfort. Pero I

don’t think it’s enough to say na they stopped because of it

R4: Nagwork naman sya for quite some time, pero may mga times na ginagawa niya parin. Na diko

na alam yung reason kung ano yun. Parang nag ano siya eh. Nagclose ng ano sakin. Di na

nakipagkkwentuhan sakin. Wala. Pag tinatanong ko kung may problema siya pinapaalis niya ako.

R5: I’m not sure if it was because of me, I hope so. Pero I think nakatulong naman.
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 8. Did you ever tell the person to get professional help? Do you think it would’ve helped?

R1: Yes. I am not knowledgeable and not worthy to discuss some health issues, so it’s better to seek

help

R2: I didn’t and I think the person wouldn’t even bother thinking about it. “Do you think professional

help would help though? In general.” Well I think it would depend on the person committing self-

harm. But yeah it would help even a little.

R3: Oo, personally I think it would’ve helped.

R4: Naghelp naman siya ng konti I think? Pero yun nga lang di sya long-term, kasi nagawa niya

padin.

R5: I gave my son a phone number of someone. I also looked for professionals in Facebook, because

I really think it would help a lot. “Did they get professional help po?” I don’t think so. Ako nalang

yung tumawag to ask how should I approach my son.

9. How do you feel whenever you see fresh cuts, if you’ve ever seen them?

R1: I feel sad of course, but I do not share my sadness them. I do not want to make them guilty

because of me. I want them to love their bodies because they love them truly na. They will oath na

they will not do it again or they will let those heal because they want na to move forward.

R2: Nothing? As I’ve said earlier I also self-harm so I was pretty used to it. If anything more, I would

say it’s pretty exciting you know? Cause he used a blade that’s not so sharp while I use the pretty

sharp ones. it’s like a different thing from me.

R3: Malungkot questions keep coming. Like, bakit niya nagawa yun?
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R4: Masakit. Painful. Very painful. Sobrang masakit kasi parang feeling ko parang, ano yung nga,

sobrang masakit, kasi yung pakiramdam mo na yung pinakamamahal mong anak, yung mundo mo sa

kanya lang, tapos nakakagawa sya ng bagay na di ko maisip kung bat nya nagagawa.

R5: Ako yung nasasaktan. Ni lamok nga ayaw kong madapuan sila what more if I see fresh cuts in

their arms?

10. How do you feel whenever you see the scars?

R1: It’s like I see them but I don’t. Di ko kasi kaya magalit kaya dedma. Saka aask ko lang if okay

siya.

R2: -

R3: If I know na naovercome na niya I think would feel relieved.

R4: Painful parin. And regret? Na kung pwede ko lang mabalik yung past, gagawin ko.

R5: Pag magaling na I’m hoping na sana wag nang magkaroon ng bago. Wag na sanang bumalik

yung depression ng tao.

11. Did you feel that you were lacking in some way?

R1: Yes. Everybody does but we could not help it eh. I have to stay in my position. I do not want to

cross over the line. I’ll be selfish if that happened.

R2: Well I was definitely lacking. I’m not the type of person to ask if you have a problem or something

after all, nor am I the type of person to help much cause I felt like I’ll just make it worse.

R3: Yes. Kasi nga like I said I don’t think I did enough to say na they stopped entirely because of it.

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R4: Lacking ng ano, yung drive na pilitin siyang makipagusap sakin, makipag open up sakin. Kasi

everytime tatanungin ko si (X) kung may problem siya ganun, nilalayo ako, pinapalayo ako. Ayaw

makipagusap sakin

R5: Oo, kasi I don’t know what to do when I see them commit self-harm.

12. Have you ever talked about the person’s self-harm with other people? Why?

R1: No. It’s between the person who did that and me. Of course it’s not my right to tell others

R2: No, I thought it was a private matter between me and that person. Well of course excluded tong

interview dyan noh.

R3: No. Privacy matters for me.

R4: Kay lola niya lang, kasi kelangan ko ng ano eh, kelangan ko ng advice, kasi baka mauna pa kong

mabaliw sa kanya. Saka dun sa therapist niya.

R5: To a professional lang, but to other people hindi. I think it should be private kasi.

13. What approach, attitudes, or events do you think affect that person’s self-harm habits?

For example, does self-harm increase when bad things happen? Does self-harm

decrease when good things happen?

R1: Affection. But keep in mind that you should not give them more. Give them right affection. Too

much love can kill you.

R2: Hmmm I would say if he's bored he does it? Maybe to make him feel something, I don’t know.

“So if he wasn't bored he does it less?” Yeah. Since if we play or do some stuff he doesn’t do it

naman “So I can make an assumption that keeping him busy and entertained lessens it?”

Yeah.
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R3: Attentiveness helps. Listening to them hopefully helps. When things go hard oo ginagawa niya.

R4: Parang kinekeep ko na maging busy siya. Kung may gusto siya kunyare sa musical instruments,

kahit papano binibigay ko naman. Para lang makalimutan niya mga nagbbother sa kanya.

R5: Siguro nung panahon na maingay ako. there are times when I am tired and stressed and I can’t

help but sometimes shout at them. “Naglelessen po? Or nagiincrease?” increase. “What helps po

in lessening?” Help from their friends siguro.

14. How do you suggest people should treat those who self-harm to not make it worse? In

general; not thinking of specific people

R1: Be there for them. It does not have to tell them what to do, sometimes you just have to love them

by actions.

R2: Spend time with them. Let them not have enough time to think of wanting to harm themselves.

R3: Gentleness and care or if wala silang care sa tao edi they should learn how to shut up and not

make others feel worse.

R4: Kelangan talaga silang kausapin, intindihin, as much as possible ano, kelangan mo silang

mahalin ng hanggang kaya mo, para malay mo, bumalik yung pananaw nila.

R5: Siguro keep reaching out for them. Continuous yung pangangamusta, because there are people

who wants to open up and those who doesn’t. So siguro let them feel you love them.

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 15. Do you think that behavior like trying to force them to stop, being more controlling, etc.

will make it worse?

R1: Yes. Cause you do not let them to stop when they want to na eh. You are giving them hard time

lalo.

R2: Yeah. I think it will make the person want to retaliate making the person commit self-harm more

often.

R3: Di naman siguro make it worse sadyang wala lang siyang kwenta. In general ayoko ng namimilit.

I don’t think it really helps lalo na mas sensitive pa tong topic na toh. Pwede pang mainis yung tao.

Pero giving comments na basta inappropriate sa self-harming people kahit pa intentions ay ipastop

sila would make it worse.

R4: Yes, oo.

R5: Yes. Binawasan ko nga yung pagiging controlling ko because I think mas lalayo sila sakin.

Controlling them or forcing them to stop will make them feel more distanced.

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Curriculum Vitae

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