Ignacio Rodriguez

English Composition 1

8/20/2021

Touchstone 2.2: Informative Essay Draft

 Redefining Family

Nick and Aaron come from very different families. There is a difference of more than 20

years between them. Aaron is African American and the middle child of three family

members. He spent his childhood in northern Colorado. Nick is also of Asian-American

descent. He is the youngest of five siblings and spent his childhood in Southern California.

They would not be considered siblings, but simply relatives, as the Wexler dictionary

definition suggests. However, if you ask any of them, they are sure to tell you that they are

siblings. According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, a family is "a basic social unit

usually consisting of two caregivers raising children" or "a group of people living under one

roof, usually under one head: a house." I recognize that family has a more distant meaning

and includes those with whom someone chooses to become family, such as those who bring

blood relatives.

If you ask yourself who belongs to your family, culture tells us that it includes those to whom

we are related by blood. I agree that family is more important than parents and young people,

if you have them. Maybe there are groups in your family that you didn't know existed. For

example, your biological guardian if you were adopted and raised by someone else, with or

without your knowledge. This may also be an alternative avenue. Think about caregivers who

place a child in foster care. They understand that the child belongs to them. However,

depending on the circumstances, they may not know whether the child is alive or dead. Just

as the child you may have unknowingly given birth to is still your child and therefore your

family.

There is also what society calls a more distant family; it is still excluded from the concept of

family, although for many people it is simply still family. This includes grandparents, aunts,

uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews. For some, these are the most dynamic family members
in their lives. In a family community, it is the grandparents who raise the grandchildren,

while the middle-aged people (caregivers) are around all day supporting them all. There are

also "family households" in which the whole family lives under the same roof and there are

several heads of household.

The most distant families are those formed through marriage. In any case, marriage is not

usually a stressful or intimidating affair. Not all married women regard their in-laws as

animals. In many societies, a married woman's new "family" is her spouse's family, and her

parents are not aware that they are part of her family. Just as some people seek more intimate

and genuinely loving relationships with their relatives, so they do with those to whom they

are related by blood. It is normal for a young single person to join the extended family; in this

line he has relatives he did not have before.

I think you too can decide who is important to your family. As mentioned earlier, Nick and

Aaron will sometimes be your family. This is the case when you develop a close relationship

with a partner, colleague, or leader who has familial status to you. This can mean, as in the

case of Nick and Aaron, that you consider yourselves family even though you know you are

not related and are not family by definition. It could also mean your partner taking on more

parenting responsibilities at work, especially if you feel your parents are overwhelming you.

I've even seen NICU nurses become aunts/uncles to their patients after a long period of

focusing on the new people in the world. They approach the baby as their patient, just as

nurses do during a long stay. They usually put more energy into the child than the caregiver

can or wants to put in.

Finally, I agree with the objection that the term "family" should be expanded to include the

person providing the kinship as well as the people who choose to join it. I really do not accept

any other view of this more distant family and those who are born or have been born. Just as
sometimes those who choose to be your family are the ones who are most present in your life.

To me, family should be characterized by people who support you when you hit rock bottom,

who never wonder how they could have done better and who share in your legacy.
1) When it comes to family, I think the vast majority of people would agree that the default

meaning of family is a distortion of the impact it has on them. It doesn't matter if they have

an extended family that they are very close to or, conversely, if they have a bad family. In

either case, for most people family means much more than parents and children.

2) I think my project would benefit greatly from basic improvements and benefits. I think

some of my sections are a bit confusing and need to be revised to stay on topic better.

3) I have unusual ideas about the theme and my theme suggestion came naturally to me.

However, I tend to go straight to the point and think more about what I think is needed for a

complete paragraph. off topic! I have to develop them and not let them flow from my

thoughts into my composition.

 Touchstone 2.2 Rubric and Feedback

Rubric Feedback Score

Category (acceptable, needs
improvement etc.)

Image Analysis Needs

OR Extended Defines a word or concept, although critical thinking and improvement
Definition thoughtful examination are largely absent; often relies too
much on the traditional or dictionary definition and does
not sufficiently explore a new or unique definition.

Working Thesis Has a working thesis, but it is not clear and/or focused
and/or it does not state a claim.

Needs
improvement
Organization
Is missing one of the required components of an essay or needs improvement
most of the components are ineffective; the sequence of
sentences and/or paragraphs is frequently illogical and
lacks flow.

Style and Tone Frequently includes poor word choices, and/or repetitive
sentence structures; primarily establishes a tone that is
needs improvement
biased, and personal observations and opinions are
expressed frequently.

Focus Details are predominantly relevant and generally support acceptable

the purpose of the essay, though some details may be
irrelevant and/or distracting.

Conventions There are occasional minor errors in grammar, proficient

punctuation, spelling, capitalization, formatting, and usage.

Think About Your Demonstrates thoughtful reflection; consistently includes

Writing insights, observations, and/or examples in all responses;
answers all reflection questions effectively, following or
exceeding response length guidelines. advanced

Overall Score and Feedback: 6/10

Hello Ignacio! The focus for the revision should really be clarity. Much of the
draft is unclear or confusing. I suggest using Grammarly on the revision to help
with some of that. If you have someone who can proofread your work, that
would be awesome, too. You get to the heart of the essay in the very last line of
your paper. Think about the qualities a family has (support, love, care,
reliability, shared experiences) and then come up with 2-3 groups outside of the
dictionary definition who can have those qualities (co-workers, neighbors,
people from church, friends) and explain how each of those groups can be
family. -Emily