3 poor jesypiddy uensiyo enisusyescduog y SAldVaSHL ANAS sii9g ‘N sewer B aSNOUEA “WW EN14 Attending to Marital Conflict Love consists of this, that two solitudies protect and touch and greet each other. Reiner Maria Pike A crucial component of family theory and practice is to focus on the * family core, the adult couple that through marriage, conception and adoption forms and directs families. Within the context of systems theory, itis the couple, working as a team, that successfully integrates health and maturity in the family life. Kids don't typically make ma~ ture and healthy families happen, parents do. Toward this idea, Weeks (2989) states, “it is the quality of the marital relationship that greatly influences, and may in fact determine the quality of the total nuclear family” (p. vil). ‘The Importance of Marital Conflict to Family Therapy Given the impostance of marriage on the health of the family, it should not be a surprise that focusing on conflict between spouses is a frequent reason for therapy. Donavan (1995) found that marital conflict accounts for 40% of all mental health referrals. The major motive for couples to utilize mental health services and professional therapists is relief from re- lational conflicts (Todd, 1985; Worthington & DiBlasio, 1990). ‘Atonding to Marital Confct 3a But what is a surprise is how often professional therapists and pastoral counselors dislike working with couples, particularly conflicted couples. ‘Worthington (1999) offers the opinion that “most counselors dread deal- ing with troubled marriages even though troubled marriages often form the majority of their caseload” (p. 20). Counselors meeting with conflicted partners can easily be pushed or pulled into the role of judge or referee— adjudicating marital violations, sending each “fighter” to his or her respec tive comer. It is easy to be blindsided with the intensity of anger displayed by one or both partners because we lack the historical antecedents in the relationship. Furthermore, it is possible for counselors to become an ar tifact used in the conflict by either partner as a triangulating attempt for power and control. ‘The dread of couple therapy can also be explained by its frequent lack of effectiveness. While marital interventions are important in sys- tems thinking and are frequently utilized by couples, sadly, they are often unsuccessful. A Consumer Reports survey indicated that marital therapy and addictions counseling have the least favorable outcomes in the mental health field (1995). About two-thirds of the couples who come to therapy to address a conflict can expect to experience significant improvement in their relationship—but one-third of those who improve report falling back to previous patterns within two years of the treatment (Jacobson & Adis, 1993). ‘In spite of the challenges the research also suggests powerful indicators that predict success in marital therapy. Jacobson and Christiansen (1996) consolidated research findings and found five couple factors that predicted success and failure, ‘The first predictor of success was couple commitment. Couples who had dedication to remaining in the marriage regardless of the outcome of ther- apy were more likely co improve than those who used marital change as the factor in the decision to divorce. Couples who are in the marriage “for the long haul” are more likely to be open to facing the difficult challenges of ‘therapy than couples who are actively maintaining the option of divorce. The age of the couple was the second predictor for couple success. ‘Younger couples were more successful than older couples in changing patterns in their selationship. 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