1

00:00:06,560 --> 00:00:08,756

THEY LAUGH

2
00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:11,056
I thought I wouldn't see you again
unless you were in trouble.

3
00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:12,799
Oh, I am in trouble.

4
00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:14,479
Oh, you mean this kind of trouble?

5
00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:16,791
SHE LAUGHS
- Isn't he great?

6
00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:17,910
He's so great.

7
00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:19,872
He's funny, he makes jokes.

8
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,296
She turned around
and it was the golden one.

9
00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:22,754
THEY LAUGH

10
00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:24,136
You sort of needed to hear the top bit.

11
00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:26,197
I love wordplay.
- Oh, he's clever.

12
00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:28,516
Shakespeare uses wordplay.
- He says things like...

13
00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:31,359
I've got a big case tomorrow.
- He's little bit controlling...

14
00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:32,776
Don't eat that.
- But it's manageable.

15
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:33,800
I'm going to.
- OK.

16
00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:35,439
He's a feminist.
- I have a sister.

17
00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:37,756
He's unpredictable.
- I'm just gonna go for a shit.

18
00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:38,950
I'm ignoring that.

19
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:40,840
Actually...

20
00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:43,152
You wanna go and have sex?
- That's better.

21
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:44,873
I'm really good at it.
- He won't be.

22
00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:46,679
I'm really good at it.
- He won't be.

23
00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:48,276
He's really good at it.

24
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,070
Oh, my God...

25
00:00:58,240 --> 00:00:59,356
I'm not gonna be sick.

26
00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:02,196
I'm not gonna be sick.

27
00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:07,039
Hi.
- Hi.

28
00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:10,112
Uh, do you need a hand with any of...?

29
00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:11,958
No, no.
- I can at least take the bassoon...

30
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,196
I am perfectly balanced, thank you.

31
00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:17,432
Big night last night?
- Is it obvious?

32
00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:19,560
CLAIRE:
Well, at least someone's having fun.

33
00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:23,136
FLEABAG: Wait, I can get the bell...
- No, no. I've got it.

34
00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:24,913
OK.
- DOORBELL RINGS

35
00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:31,159
Are you going to be sick?
- Nope.

36
00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:33,474
She better be quick today.

37
00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:35,951
I've got a serious appointment later.
I can't miss it.

38
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:37,912
It's very important.
- What kind of appointment?

39
00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:40,636
A serious one. Can't miss it, OK?
40
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:42,720
Well, do you need me to...
- I don't need you

41
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:44,559
to do anything, thank you.

42
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:47,629
Unless you can find a way

43
00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:49,876
to stop this horrendous wedding
from happening.

44
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:51,149
Girls!
- Hi!

45
00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:52,594
Come in, come in. Oh.

46
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,160
HE CHUCKLES
Oh, look.

47
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:56,192
Just leave these things there for now, yeah?

48
00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:58,576
You like a quick cup of tea before you...
- Oh, actually, yeah.

49
00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:00,536
Um, I have to be pretty quick today.
- It's already in a pot.

50
00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:01,856
Some water, or some gin...
- Come through.

51
00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:04,270
We've got a tray of lovely,
sweet chocolate-y things

52
00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:06,710
and our lovely friend has just dropped round.
- Hi.

53
00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:08,190
GODMOTHER:
Hello, darling.

54
00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:10,760
Hello.

55
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,234
Uh, I'm gonna be sick.

56
00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:14,400
You alright? You look horrendous.

57
00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:16,113
Oh, thanks. Just a big night.

58
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:17,960
Hello.

59
00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:20,880
Hey. I only meant to be quick, I wasn't...
Didn't need to...

60
00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:22,960
Wasn't expecting the whole family. Wow.
- THEY LAUGH

61
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,640
They're being painted. Isn't that fun?
- Oh, so fun.

62
00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:28,116
Um, I can come back later?
- No, no.

63
00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,834
No. No.
- So, come on, fill us in.

64
00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:33,200
Probably better actually
that we should all hear the plans.

65
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:34,470
Right.
- PRIEST: Right.

66
00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:37,319
Well, I just wanted to pop in actually
to say that, um...

67
00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:41,673
I've been called away
this weekend and I'm afraid

68
00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:44,713
I won't be able to officiate
at the ceremony tomorrow.

69
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,400
Oh, Christ.

70
00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:53,680
Why?

71
00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:55,680
My brother is ill.

72
00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:57,994
So I have to go and see him.

73
00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:01,112
Well, what's he ill with?

74
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:02,760
A lorry.

75
00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:07,072
Accident.
- Right.

76
00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:09,120
Oh, God.

77
00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:11,479
Is he alright?
- He's... he's...

78
00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:14,752
he's in a bit of a state, to be honest.

79
00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:16,680
But, uh...

80
00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:20,149
I just can't do it.

81
00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:22,320
Can't do it.

82
00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:24,720
GODMOTHER:
Well.

83
00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:26,920
Well.

84
00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:31,639
Oh, this is gonna be spectacular.

85
00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:34,440
You...

86
00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:36,516
poor man.

87
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:38,800
Well, of course you must go.

88
00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:41,473
Really?
- Uh, really?

89
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:43,598
GODMOTHER:
Of course. Family first.

90
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:44,676
Always.

91
00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:45,956
Family first.

92
00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:49,352
You must go, get straight to him.
Just send me through the details

93
00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:51,576
of what you've worked out so far
and we'll sort something out.

94
00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:53,680
Oh, I've put out the feelers
for somebody else and...

95
00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:56,360
Well, uh, I think we might have to...
- Don't even think about it.

96
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,357
This is much more important.
You must go.

97
00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:00,909
Go, go, go.
- OK. Well, thank you so much

98
00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:03,350
for your understanding.
- DAD: Oh, well, sure, sure, sure.

99
00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:07,136
PRIEST: And all the best, and, uh,
I'll see you again. I'm sorry.

100
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:08,416
GODMOTHER: Oh, goodbye, darling.
- Have a great day.

101
00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:09,616
GODMOTHER: Good luck.
- PRIEST: Bye, bye.

102
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:10,869
DOOR SLAMS

103
00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:13,397
GODMOTHER:
What... a...

104
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:15,200
SHE SCREAMS:
Cunt!

105
00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:17,200
What a cunt!
- DAD: Look, don't, please...

106
00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,436
GODMOTHER: Bastard! Fucking ba...
Don't touch me!

107
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:22,553
Christ, I need to paint! I need to paint now!
Send them away!

108
00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:23,640
I...

109
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,917
I think you should, uh...
- Yes. OK.

110
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:32,037
Bye, Dad.
- Bye, Dad.

111
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:39,793
Well, that solves that problem.

112
00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:41,674
Well, I'm relieved for him.

113
00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:44,876
You alright?
- Yeah, I'm just late for the caf�.

114
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,439
Right.

115
00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:49,477
IMAGINARY CHOIR SINGS

116
00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:03,390
Oh, my God!
- Oh! Sorry.

117
00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:04,510
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

118
00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:07,678
Jesus! How long were you there?
- Literally, three seconds.

119
00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:10,430
SHE SIGHS

120
00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:12,936
You can't just cancel a wedding.
- I don't have a choice.

121
00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:15,475
But you have the dress.
- THEY CHUCKLE

122
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:18,240
I ca... I can't.

123
00:05:18,241 --> 00:05:19,936
I can't. I can't.
- Listen, I just need to say...

124
00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:21,296
No, no, I know what you're...
I don't want to know.

125
00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:23,080
I don't think you do know
what I'm gonna say.

126
00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:36,633
Please don't come to the church again.

127
00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:42,120
I mean that...

128
00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:45,679
with the greatest of compliments.

129
00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:59,433
IMAGINARY CHOIR SINGS

130
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:01,590
SHE GROANS

131
00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:06,080
I'd strongly advise
taking out the insurance.

132
00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:08,158
Er, the problem is...
- I can deal with it.

133
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,696
The, um, er, if you took a seven foot tall...
- I can deal with it.

134
00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:13,633
A very large armchair, so he couldn't...
- Can't deal with it.

135
00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:15,990
...even feel the chinchilla, so, you know

136
00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:17,296
suffocating underneath him.
- Mm!

137
00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:18,436
It's Tuesday, Joe.

138
00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:21,471
No, it's Chatty Wednesday.

139
00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:23,477
No, it's Quiet Tuesday.
It's Chatty Wednesday.

140
00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:25,656
Well, it was a very small chinchilla...

141
00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:28,115
No, can we just stop chatting,
just for a second please, Joe?

142
00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:30,152
IMAGINARY CHOIR STOPS
- CHATTER STOPS

143
00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:31,440
Joe, I...

144
00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,517
CHATTER RESUMES
- BELL RINGS

145
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:39,440
Hi.

146
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:42,351
You OK?
- Uh, yeah.

147
00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,296
Are you OK?
You look like something bad's happened.

148
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,755
Do I?
I thought I was looking jolly.

149
00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:49,237
Oh. Um, why?

150
00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:50,960
I've been offered a new job.

151
00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:53,430
Oh. Congratulations.

152
00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:56,116
Well, I just wanted to say goodbye.

153
00:06:57,440 --> 00:06:59,113
And to give you this.

154
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,000
Thanks.

155
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:05,112
It's a guinea pig.
- It's a hamster.

156
00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:06,719
Thanks.
157
00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:08,279
PHONE BUZZES

158
00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:12,480
Oh, sorry, it's my sister.
She's a bit mental. Do you mind if I...?

159
00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:14,438
Sure. I wasn't gonna stay, so...

160
00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:15,816
Claire?
- CLAIRE: <i>Something's happened.</i>

161
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:17,638
SHE SOBS:
<i>Something awful has happened.</i>

162
00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:19,638
What?
<i>- I can't...</i>

163
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,216
Where are you? Do you need me to come?
<i>- I can't breathe.</i>

164
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,038
<i>No, no, I just... I fucked it up!</i>

165
00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:26,595
<i>I fucked everything up! Can you come?</i>

166
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:29,560
I mean, I have to close the caf�,
but I can... Just tell me where you are.

167
00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:32,195
<i>No, no, don't close.
I'm so sorry, but... but...</i>

168
00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:34,311
I-I can look after the place if you like.
- Really?

169
00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:35,714
Well, I don't start till Monday.

170
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:36,920
Wait, why...?

171
00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:38,440
I just like it.

172
00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:39,639
Well, OK...

173
00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:42,030
<i>Are you talking to me?</i>
- Could you give Hilary and, um...

174
00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:43,719
<i>No, don't bring Hilary.</i>
- Stephanie.

175
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,917
...Stephanie,
some cucumber at 2:30?

176
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:47,599
<i>Who's Stephanie?</i>
- Great, thanks.

177
00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:49,416
Um, Claire, just tell me where you are.

178
00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:51,840
What the hell has happened?
<i>- No, just come! I need you to...</i>

179
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:56,190
SHE EXHALES

180
00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:57,720
Tell the truth.

181
00:07:57,760 --> 00:07:59,433
It's horrendous.
- It's horrendous.

182
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:01,153
It's modern.
- Don't lie!

183
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:03,510
I'm not!
- I look like a pencil.

184
00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:05,035
You...
SHE LAUGHS

185
00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:06,799
you don't look like...
- Don't laugh!

186
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:10,152
It's OK!
- It's not OK! I'm gonna lose my job.

187
00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:12,032
You won't lose your job. It's cool.

188
00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:13,839
It's not cool!
- It's edgy.

189
00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:15,599
Oh, fuck off!
- No, it's chic.

190
00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:17,672
It's unsalvageable!
- Claire, it's French.

191
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:21,719
Really?
- Yes.

192
00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:26,516
Have you been drinking?

193
00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:30,510
Oh, he gave me champagne
before he ruined my life.

194
00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:32,070
That's how they get you.
195
00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:34,395
Did you go to Anthony?

196
00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:37,559
Claire.
- I know.

197
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,069
What? You remember what happened to me?

198
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,555
I honestly thought it was the last time
I was gonna see him.

199
00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:45,679
Um, I mean, that's awful, but if I...
- His little face was just...

200
00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:46,720
Anthony!

201
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,350
Is this what you asked for?
- No, of course not.

202
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:50,629
He's just a bastard.

203
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,000
Right, fuck it.

204
00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:56,440
What?
- Come on.

205
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:58,678
No, no! It's alright!

206
00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:01,997
FLEABAG: Come on.
- CLAIRE: Oh... slow down!

207
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:06,800
Hey!

208
00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:08,390
No.
- Anthony.

209
00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:11,000
No! That is exactly what she asked for.

210
00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:13,157
No, it's not. We want compensation.
- Claire?

211
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:16,279
I've got two important meetings
and I look like a pencil.

212
00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:18,556
No! Don't blame me for your bad choices.

213
00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:20,080
Hair isn't everything.

214
00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:21,400
SHE SCOFFS:
Wow.

215
00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:23,640
What?

216
00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:25,917
Hair is everything.

217
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:27,516
We wish it wasn't

218
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,296
so we could actually think
about something else occasionally

219
00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:30,320
but it is.

220
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:33,156
It's the difference between
a good day and a bad day.

221
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,936
We're meant to think
that it's a symbol of power

222
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:36,016
that it's a symbol of fertility.

223
00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:38,496
Some people are exploited for it
and it pays your fucking bills.

224
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,432
Hair is everything, Anthony!

225
00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:43,274
Show her the reference.

226
00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:47,834
Claudia, bring me the bin.

227
00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:06,356
If you want to change your life,
change your life.

228
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:08,754
It's not gonna happen in here.

229
00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:11,160
Sorry, Anthony.
- Sorry, Anthony.

230
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,840
Didn't mean for it to turn out like that.
- I'll see you next week.

231
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:15,680
FLEABAG SIGHS

232
00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:17,396
You got any cigarettes?

233
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:18,750
No.
- Good.

234
00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:23,996
Thank you for being there.
- It was cathartic.

235
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,316
At the hospital.
- Oh, it's OK.

236
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:29,590
Shame you didn't get to keep that doctor.
- Mm...

237
00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:33,756
I'm sorry you lost it.

238
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,793
I just felt...

239
00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:40,076
relief.

240
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,677
I didn't want my husband's baby.

241
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:47,476
Isn't that awful?

242
00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:54,471
I haven't even asked you how you are.

243
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,391
How are you? What's going on with you?
- SHE CHUCKLES

244
00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:00,554
Um... I met someone.

245
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:02,834
What? Really?
- Yeah.

246
00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:05,276
Oh, my God. That's amazing.

247
00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:06,320
What does he do?

248
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:07,960
He's a priest.

249
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:11,238
IMAGINARY CHOIR SINGS

250
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,000
Is it...?

251
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:26,760
Yeah.

252
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:28,673
Oh, my God.
- Yeah.

253
00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:31,114
You are joking.
- No.

254
00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:33,831
SHE LAUGHS

255
00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:36,552
THEY LAUGH

256
00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:39,431
I'm sorry.
- I know.

257
00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:40,756
It's just...

258
00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:43,349
I'm sure it's very complicated.
- Yes.

259
00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:45,312
But it's just...
- It's very painful.

260
00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:47,233
You're a genius.
- SHE LAUGHS

261
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:48,600
You're my fucking hero.

262
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:50,360
Claire?

263
00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:52,634
Is that you?
- Oh, God.

264
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,109
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.

265
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:55,475
Claire!
- Klare!

266
00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:57,159
Hi.
- Oh, my God!

267
00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,476
Claire, I love your hair!
- Oh!

268
00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:00,954
HE LAUGHS
Claire!

269
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:04,198
It's so cute and edgy and cool.

270
00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:07,312
Oh, thank you.
- Like superstar. Pop star.

271
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:08,840
THEY LAUGH

272
00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:14,998
Listen, these penguins are taking me
to this new, amazing London music thing.

273
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:16,320
Are you free?
- Oh.

274
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:17,600
Yes.
- You wanna come?

275
00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:21,274
Oh, I... I have to take my step-son
his bassoon.

276
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:23,118
I mean, I wish I could.

277
00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:26,520
Well, I leave tomorrow.

278
00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:28,080
So...
- Oh.

279
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:31,238
I'll take the bassoon. I've got it.

280
00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:32,839
I'll take it.

281
00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:35,799
Oh, um, no, he's expecting me to.
- No, no.

282
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:37,797
No, just tell Jake
it's with me at the caf�.

283
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:38,910
Honestly, it's fine.
- Oh.

284
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,469
Hey, I don't want to get in the way
of your family day.

285
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:42,960
THEY LAUGH
- No, I'll take it.

286
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,798
Please get in the way of her family days.
287
00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:46,840
Just tell Jake I've got it.

288
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:49,800
No biggie.

289
00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:51,560
Bye, Claire.

290
00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:52,880
Bye, Klare.

291
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:54,360
Bye, Claire.

292
00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:57,072
I can't believe your hair.

293
00:12:57,120 --> 00:13:00,431
THEY LAUGH
- It's so chic and cute.

294
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:01,994
It's all the things.
- CLAIRE: Really?

295
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:04,430
KLARE SPEAKS FINNISH
- THEY LAUGH

296
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:06,320
Goes so well with your top.

297
00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:08,159
Oh, thank God. That's so sweet of you.

298
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:11,280
Honestly, I've had such a day with it.
- KLARE: Yeah, oh, right?

299
00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:12,993
CLAIRE: Yeah.
- THEY LAUGH

300
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:15,236
FLEABAG:
Oh, fuck.

301
00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:21,240
Sorry.

302
00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,119
Well, that was exhausting.

303
00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:26,797
The new guinea pig...
- Hamster.

304
00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:28,075
...is in with Hilary.

305
00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:31,633
They shared the cucumber, OK?
Which was quite sweet.

306
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:33,034
Oh. Thanks.

307
00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:36,314
Well, I'd say anytime but, uh...
- You have a new job.

308
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:38,120
I will be back, though.

309
00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:40,598
My wife would love Chatty Wednesdays.

310
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:43,474
Love them.
- Oh.

311
00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:46,870
Ahem. Oh, you have a visitor.

312
00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:48,736
He said he knew you,
so I let him wait in there.

313
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:49,760
Oh.
314
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:50,800
Oh.

315
00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:54,800
Pleasure doing business with you.

316
00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:56,720
Bye.

317
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:02,120
He took the pinny.

318
00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:05,710
BELL RINGS

319
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:07,914
Ugh.
- Hey!

320
00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:11,000
He's gonna make a bassoon joke.
- Is that a bassoon in your hand

321
00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:12,520
or are you just pleased to see me?

322
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:14,434
Would you say that to your son?

323
00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:16,473
When he has his bassoon, sure.

324
00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:18,280
But...
- HE LAUGHS

325
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:22,155
He's never pleased to see me, so...
- It doesn't even make sense.

326
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:24,954
Why would a bassoon in my hand...
- Like a dick in your hand.

327
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,816
Oh, right, so if I was walking towards you
with an amputated dick in my hand

328
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,016
you'd think I was horny?
- Well, I'd assume that you had been.

329
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:32,509
Certainly wouldn't put it
past you to chop a dick off.

330
00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:35,311
SHE SIGHS
Put the guinea pig down.

331
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:37,679
Where is she?
- Why?

332
00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:40,875
Well, she was meant
to have dropped that off

333
00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:43,216
and she's not at the office.
- Well, I don't know where she is.

334
00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,357
So you just... found that, huh?

335
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:47,512
Mm. Please don't hurt the guinea pig.

336
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,159
I would never hurt the guinea pig.

337
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:54,200
I wouldn't do that.

338
00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:58,556
Here we go, sweetie. Go in here...

339
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,000
MARTIN:
Oh, that's fucking adorable.
340
00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:05,176
Are you sure we should even be talking?

341
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,520
Aren't you supposed to be
getting me arrested or something?

342
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:08,960
Wow.

343
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,230
She really tells you everything,
doesn't she?

344
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:14,430
Cute tables.

345
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:17,710
Oh, Jesus, Martin.
- Fuck off!

346
00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:25,355
You... are the problem,
you know that?

347
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:30,555
You are the problem
in my perfect, awful life.

348
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:32,793
I haven't seen you in a year.

349
00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:37,357
And yet still, off she runs
into the night, for you.

350
00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:43,231
I can't even get the woman pregnant,
and then you come in

351
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,511
showing off about your miscarriage.

352
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:47,472
Like, you didn't even want
the one you had.
353
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:50,429
I was just trying to make her feel better!

354
00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:52,910
SHE SCOFFS

355
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:56,553
PHONE BUZZES

356
00:15:57,760 --> 00:15:58,760
Give me your phone.

357
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,395
No.
- Give me your phone!

358
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:02,440
No.

359
00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:03,989
PHONE BUZZES

360
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,150
Is she leaving me?

361
00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:08,516
I hope so.

362
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,075
Don't let her leave me.

363
00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,153
Don't let her leave me, please.

364
00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:24,073
I hope she doesn't come home tonight.

365
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:27,357
HE LAUGHS

366
00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:29,792
Ah! Cashmere, cashmere, cashmere...

367
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:34,079
I will take you down, fucker.

368
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,640
HE SCOFFS

369
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:38,359
Fuck you!

370
00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:42,309
Fuck you!
- Fuck you!

371
00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:44,756
You better start sleeping with a lawyer!

372
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:48,350
I'm already sleeping with a lawyer!
- Yeah? Lucky lawyer!

373
00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:51,794
BELL RINGS
- Shit.

374
00:16:57,880 --> 00:16:59,519
SHE SIGHS
I better call my lawyer.

375
00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:03,456
You know that feeling
when the Hot Misogynist

376
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:05,176
who might not be a misogynist
is turning up at your house

377
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:08,079
for the second time in 48 hours
to give you nine orgasms you don't want

378
00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:09,736
just to do something
to get your head out of the fact

379
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:11,296
that the only person
you want to see in the world
380
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:12,936
is the priest that you...
- DOORBELL BUZZES

381
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:14,235
SHE SIGHS

382
00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:16,480
So you pick yourself up,
cover yourself in coconut oil

383
00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:18,656
and hope he hasn't noticed
that you haven't shaved your...

384
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:20,433
THUNDER RUMBLES
- Hey.

385
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:25,200
Your sister gave me your address.

386
00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:28,270
Are you on your way out?

387
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:30,794
Oh, no, I just... I just got in.

388
00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:32,640
I've only got underwear under this coat.

389
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:34,873
OK, good. Can I come in?

390
00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:36,555
Yeah. Sure.

391
00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:43,990
It's nice.
- Oh, thank you.

392
00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:46,880
Uh...

393
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:52,954
Water?
- No, thanks. I wanna keep a clear head.

394
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,838
Uh, I've changed my mind
about the wedding.

395
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:57,240
I can't let them down like that.

396
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,632
And apparently no one else
will wear the outfit.

397
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,354
Oh, that's good of you.
- You gonna take off your coat?

398
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:04,400
Oh...

399
00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:06,239
no, no, I'm good. I'm a bit chilly.

400
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:13,149
I've sacrificed a lot for this life.

401
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,197
You know?
I've given a lot of things up.

402
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:19,479
Um, so, uh...
- DOORBELL BUZZES

403
00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:23,839
DOORBELL BUZZES

404
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,150
Do you want to get that?

405
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,675
Oh, no. I don't like opening the door
to people I don't know.

406
00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:33,871
DOORBELL BUZZES
- HOT MISOGYNIST: I'm back!

407
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:35,513
DOORBELL BUZZES

408
00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:37,836
Look, if-if... if there's someone

409
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:40,270
you need to see or-or let in, or...

410
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:41,720
No, honestly, honestly, it's fine.

411
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:47,870
HE SIGHS

412
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:51,790
When I was a child, I...
- DOORBELL BUZZES

413
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,456
HOT MISOGYNIST: Little lady!
- I'm just...

414
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,517
DOORBELL BUZZES
- I'll just be, um...

415
00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:00,256
HOT MISOGYNIST:
So, you're in trouble again, huh?

416
00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:03,512
Oh, my God, listen. You can't come in.
- OK, you wanna do it on the doorstep?

417
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:06,678
Uh, no, my priest is here,
and he really needs some guidance.

418
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,273
What? Is he OK?

419
00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:11,816
FLEABAG: No, I'm hoping
he's having an emotional crisis.

420
00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:13,536
HOT MISOGYNIST: Shall I wait?
You said you wanted to see me.

421
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:15,920
Yes, I did want to see you,
but now I don't want to see you.

422
00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:18,336
HOT MISOGYNIST: Did I do something wrong?
You seemed to like what I did.

423
00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:20,113
FLEABAG: I did.
- I'm really good at it.

424
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,416
FLEABAG:
Yes, I know you are. Yeah.

425
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,272
I'm really good at it.
- Yeah, I know you are.

426
00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:24,896
I'm really...
- OK, you're really good at it.

427
00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:27,296
Well, clearly I'm not, if you don't want it.
- Oh, for God's sake.

428
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,755
You're the best sex I've ever had.
- What?

429
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:32,436
You're the best sex I've ever had.
- Really?

430
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,600
Honestly, you...
you made me come nine times.
431
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:38,474
Honestly?
- SHE CHUCKLES

432
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:42,111
Cool. Do you want me to go?

433
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:43,435
Yeah. OK.

434
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:46,040
I could take this somewhere else.
- Oh, OK, good. Good for her.

435
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:48,680
Nine times.

436
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:49,960
You're a saint.

437
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:55,314
DOOR CLOSES

438
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:57,519
I'm sorry.
- That's OK.

439
00:19:57,520 --> 00:19:58,715
That was...
- I won't ask.

440
00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:03,237
Nine times?
- I just had to get rid of him.

441
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:04,320
Sure.

442
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,351
I can't be physical with you.

443
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:13,189
What, we can't even wrestle?
- THEY LAUGH

444
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:18,598
No, priests have sex, you know.
A lot of them actually do.

445
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:20,393
They don't burst into flames, I Googled it.

446
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,235
I can't have sex with you
because I'll fall in love with you.

447
00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:25,794
And if I fall in love with you

448
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:27,433
I won't burst into flames, but...

449
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:30,469
my life will be fucked.

450
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:34,275
We're gonna have sex.

451
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,551
I'm supposed to love one thing.

452
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:39,593
Oh, my God, we're gonna have sex.
- For fuck's sake! Stop that!

453
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:45,616
I don't think you want to be told
what to do at all.

454
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:47,176
I think you know exactly
what you want to do.

455
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:50,096
If you really wanted to be told what to do,
you'd be wearing one of these.

456
00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:52,999
Women aren't actually allowed...
- Oh, fuck off! I know!

457
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:54,156
SHE SCOFFS

458
00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:05,954
We're gonna have sex, aren't we?

459
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:14,680
Yeah.

460
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:16,400
Yeah.

461
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,000
OK.

462
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,798
I...
- Oh, whoa, OK.

463
00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:46,913
Uh...
- Listen, I had a...

464
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:48,792
No, no, no, no. Shh, shh, shh.

465
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:01,592
IMAGINARY CHOIR SINGS

466
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:16,235
SHE GASPS

467
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:20,633
SHE PANTS