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Girl Welcomed To Womanhood With 4-Page
Pamphlet
MARCH 8, 2010 | ISSUE 46•10

McMillan is ushered into menarche with flowers, rainbows, and bullet points.

CLEARWATER, KS—Sitting alone in the school nurse's office, local student Vanessa ARTICLE TOOLS
McMillan, 12, was welcomed to the most beautiful and special time in her life Tuesday by a
0
four-page educational pamphlet.

McMillan, who became a woman midway through a unit five geography test and, moments Like 71
later, rushed to see the school nurse, was reportedly congratulated by the three-color
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pamphlet at approximately 11:35 a.m.
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"Welcome to the wonderful world of womanhood," read the informational booklet, which
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was handed to the distressed sixth-grader just after she entered the white-walled office
and hesitantly explained the magical transformation that was taking place. "This is a time
of incredible change!" RELATED ARTICLES
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Over the course of the next 20 minutes, McMillan's passage into womanhood was Enormous Bra Found
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heralded by the pamphlet's front cover design of a yellow daisy in full bloom; a series of You need to be logged into Facebook to see
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your friends' activity
bold-type chapter headings, including "How Am I Different Now?" and "What To Expect There
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Each And Every Month"; explicit line drawings of a large, two-dimensional uterus; and the
Continued Existence Of Edible
deafening silence of school nurse Mrs. Howards, who had busied herself with checking e- Arrangements Disproves Central Tenets
mail and filing paperwork. Of Capitalism
13,205 people shared this.
"Cramps are a natural part of your new monthly visitor," a sentence halfway down the first page read, one of roughly
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a half dozen upbeat mentions of menstruation-related discomfort that greeted McMillan as she reached her amazing Only Gets Better After 40th Viewing
milestone. "Don't worry. In just a few short years, they won't hurt as much as they do now." 8,600 people shared this.

The pamphlet—with its monthly cycle charts, unexpectedly frightening illustration of a butterfly emerging from its Harry Connick, Jr. Dies In Piano Fire
cocoon, and repeated use of confusing terminology—wasn't the only thing to welcome McMillan to the newfound 14,665 people shared this.
joys of womanhood. Approximately six minutes after receiving the document, McMillan's breathtaking
Even Newt Gingrich A Little Depressed By
metamorphosis from little girl to sexually mature female was commemorated with a large absorbent pad, wrapped in Prospect Of Him Running For President
hospital white and handed to her by Nurse Howards. 16,908 people shared this.

"You'll have to wear this now," said Howards, placing the foreign device onto a chair next to McMillan. "And there's Facebook social plugin
some extra pants in that bin over there, if you need them."

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According to middle school sources, congratulations extended far beyond the nurse's office. Over the course of the
day, McMillan's budding womanhood was acknowledged by passing teachers who smiled sympathetically upon
seeing her; a group of sixth-grade boys who warned one another not to talk to her for fear she might suddenly
become pregnant; and Coach Dobbs, who suggested that she should maybe go ahead and sit out the afternoon's
gym class.

McMillan was also warmly received by her circle of friends, who demanded that she tell them everything that had
happened, including what it was like, how she was feeling, and whether or not she was going to ask Jeremy out to
the dance this Friday now that everything was different.

"Oh my God," best friend Rebecca Woolard screamed as she gave McMillan a hug that seemed to contain faint
traces of jealousy, competitiveness, and what almost felt like resentment. "You have no idea how lucky you are!"

"I so totally hate you right now," Woolard continued. "Totally, totally hate you."

Following a whirlwind day of firsts—including the first time in a long time that she felt scared and overwhelmed and
desperately wished that her mother had picked up the phone when she left midway through class to call her—
McMillan returned home at approximately 3:30 p.m.

At 3:37 p.m., the sixth-grader received one last, very special welcome.

Seated alone in her bedroom, McMillan was greeted by her own reflection in the vanity mirror, a reflection she
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examined for several minutes and searched endlessly for any sign of a change.
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