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Grow Your Mindset Ch.7

Tiffany Hartley

Brigham Young University - Idaho

FAML 220: Parenting

Brother Rarick

July 11, 2020

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Praising Style

When I praise others I am in the habit of praising in a fixed mindset. I usually comment

on external characteristics not on the process of development or their intrinsic motivations. For

example, when a little girl I’m babysitting comes up to me and shows me a cool trick she’s been

working I would usually say things like “wow that is really amazing! You are so great at doing

___” or “wow you are so talented! I don’t think I could do that. Can you show me how?” I asked

my brother what the most common form of praise is that I use and he says most of the time I just

say “Good job!” He says that most of the time he thinks I say it sarcastically and don’t actually

mean it. Although, sometimes I do say it jokingly but they aren’t able to tell when I’m honestly

telling them or when I’m joking. I can see how this type of praise could be damaging.

One of the main reasons I praised people is because I wanted to help boost their

confidence. I didn’t realize that most of the time I do it in a way that is more damaging. I usually

praised them because I wanted to make sure they felt good about themselves. I didn’t realize that

it has a negative effect and is damaging for children. Another reason why I praise people so often

is because I like receiving praise myself. I have a hard time recognizing my own strengths so I

try to help others see theirs. I wouldn’t want to be the cause of someone becoming more self-

centered just from what I say to others.

I have tried to be more sincere and growth minded in the praise I use. It has been really

hard to think of ways to praise someone in a growth minded way. So far it has been really

challenging and I haven’t seen any changes in the people I have implemented it with. I think it

will take time and practice. I have also tried to praise less and not give unnecessary compliments.

On my mission I had a sister living with me in my first area. She was really good at giving

compliments and praising other people. She focused mostly on unseen traits and was really good
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at encouraging people to try. She would say things like “I really love that you have tried so hard

in learning how to ____. I can really see how much you’ve progressed.” She would praise you in

a way you felt loved but that you also had a desire to keep trying. I would like to learn how to

praise in a way similar to this.

A strategy that I would like to implement in my life are focusing more on the effort they

put into something. I want to help them learn that they can do anything they put their mind to. I

have decided to also include asking kids how they feel. I want to help them to think about their

actions and why they do some of the things they do. I will say phrases like “you did a really good

job. I am happy you decided to challenge yourself to draw something new. What made you

decided to draw the sun like that? You are really improving.”

Faster is Better Fallacy

When I was in middle school in high school I had a really hard time believing that I can

improve. I figured that everyone was born with innate talents. I had a hard time seeing how

people could improve or learn. I always marveled at the other people that could learn different

skills and improve their talents. I did believe that if people struggled with something they

couldn’t improve either. I had a very fixed mindset.

While I was on my mission I saw how so many different people could change and grow. I

started to apply it to myself and try to see how I could change. I started working towards learning

how to be a good missionary. After I returned from my mission I stared to fall back into old

habits. I kept the belief that others can change but started to believe that I was stuck where I was.

For my future career I plan to work as an extension educator. I would be working in the

community teaching different classes. I have a hard time believing that I could be good at

teaching others.
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In order to improve this mindset I plan to change the way I view progression. I realize

that in order to have a growth mindset I should focus on the progression not just on the

destination. I should try to find joy in teaching and learning how to teach. One of the biggest

challenges that I need to overcome is learning how to overcome mistakes. I think it would be

beneficial to learn more about the atonement of Jesus Christ. I know that He is able to provide

strength when needed. One thing that is very important to understand is that in order to improve

you have to put in effort. It is important to learn how to find joy in the effort and find ways to

motivate yourself.