Download as docx, pdf, or txt
Download as docx, pdf, or txt
You are on page 1of 4

School of Languages & English

Advanced: Reading & Writing

Writing Feedback Cover Sheet 2: SECOND DRAFT

Student
Name: Nguyen Pham Thien An S3818385
number:
Mathew D
Advance 18/08/2021
Class: Teachers: Occhio Date:
Word
549
Count:

Click on the box to ☒ Changes I made after feedback:


cross it
I have used Arial. ☒ Response - ideas ☒
I have used font size 12 ☒ Organisation ☒
I have double spaced ☒ Grammar ☒
Vocabulary ☒

Student self – assessment: Select Good OK or need to improve for each area

Response & Revision Grammar


A full description Click here to select Range of structures Click here to select

Correct sentence
Used teacher Click here to select
structure, subject Click here to select
feedback to improve verb agreement
and punctuation
Structure & Planning Vocabulary
Logically ordered,
cohesive (linking Click here to select New vocabulary Click here to select
words, pronouns)
Made and followed a Click here to select
Spelling & Word Click here to select
plan. Forms

I confirm this is my own work I tried my best to improve my second draft in writing
School of Languages & English
Advanced: Reading & Writing

Name : Nguyen Pham


Thien An
Student Number :
s3818385

Hoi An ancient town

Hoi An ancient town is one of the popular public locations are foreign tourists want

to visit in Vietnam. Furthermore, Hoi An has beautiful places that many people

have known, such as small souvenir places for many years. On the other hand,

many problems cause controversies, such as traffic congestion, plastic waste, and

noise pollution. This essay will outline Hoi An ancient towns characteristics and

recommend suggestions to deal with the problems as soon as possible.

Firstly, Hoi An is in Quang Nam province. The town includes old complex

architecture structures, frame buildings, religious buildings, such as churches,

pagodas during the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries. Japanese bridge is a

sculpture meticulously with different shapes of red dragons with long tails.

Furthermore, the beautiful lotus flowers symbols marveled by marble stones.

There are many yellow shiny houses with brownish roofs. These houses are used

by wooden and houses are side by side together along the street. Lantern stores

are displayed many traditional colorful lanterns by the shoppers, which bring

attractive Hoi An old town at night.

Secondly, Hoi An old town has problems with traffic congestion, plastic waste, and

noise pollution that need to tackle the issues to protect the environment, travelers,

and community's health. Traffic congestion due to the number of vehicles of


School of Languages & English
Advanced: Reading & Writing

domestic tourists and local visitors is increasing. It also includes buses

transporting international tourists by encroach on the roadside because there is

not enough parking space for buses inside the town. Besides, the plastic waste

around the street. Because there are only a few recycle bins to put the trash into it.

Many bars, restaurants, and cafe shops play music loud or use loudspeakers to

have the attention of travelers cause noise pollution that brings headaches,

discomfort for other people around.

Thirdly, it is the recommendations with many solutions to help Hoi An ancient town

has a clean environment, improve the quality of entertainment lifestyle for the

tourists. There will be three solutions to deal with the problems. The first solution

for traffic congestion is to rent vacant ground near the ancient town that can divide

into three areas for different types of vehicles, such as cars, buses, and

motorbikes for tourists. The second solution for plastic waste by increase the

recycle bins to make it simpler to divide the waste storage to preserve the

ecosystem. Hence, install cameras to watch any indiscriminate and inattentive

littering. The third solution for noise pollution in many different third places is to set

up patrols at night to check restaurants, bars with other places. The patrols have

to ensure that the noise pollution can decrease as much as possible. Moreover,

the patrols need to have strict punishment for the third places that break the law.

In conclusion, Hoi An ancient town is a cultural heritage, and it is accepted by

UNESCO. Additionally, the old town contributes as a vital role not only for the
School of Languages & English
Advanced: Reading & Writing

national culture of Vietnamese people but also as an crucial image when foreigner

talks about Vietnam. . Although many problems impact the ancient town, many

solutions for the recommendation to tackle the issues. These solutions are vacant

ground to prevent traffic congestion, increase the recycle bins to reduce plastic

waste, and set up patrols to decrease noise pollution. These resolutions are key to

solve the issues.


Word
s:

You might also like