The Road Less Travelled: Discipline (Chapter 1)

“Life is di cult.” Thus begins the popular book ‘The Road Less Travelled’ by M. Sco Peck
(1936-2005), an American psychiatrist. First published in 1978, the book’s simple language lends
to easy understanding. Peck draws considerably from his daily clinical prac ce as evidenced by
the innumerable examples sprinkled across the book. In a four part series I brie y explain the
tools Peck writes about to achieve mental and spiritual growth; at the outset he men ons he
does not dis nguish the two. The four tools are discipline, love, growth-religion and grace.

A vital aspect of rising above the rigors of life is knowing, understanding and accep ng that life
is di cult. Peck states life is a series of problems and the sooner we realise this, the be er. He
o ers four tools to deal with life’s issues. This post highlights the role of the rst tool,
discipline. What is the cause for our di cult life? According to Peck it is our avoidance of
confron ng and solving problems. We deter from this crucial step due to its painful nature;
some mes the emo onal and mental pain of facing problems mirrors a physical one. The
tendency to avoid problems is the basis of human mental illness. Therefore, we need to develop
the discipline required to address our issues.

The rst step to discipline is delaying gra ca on. This means “…scheduling the pain and
pleasure in such a way that pain can be dealt with rst and enhance the pleasure by doing this.”
A simple example would be a person comple ng her chores before se ling down to watch a TV
series. By delaying the pleasure of watching TV the person enhanced the pleasure of the ac vity
by freeing her mind of work.

In addi on, we have to accept responsibility for a problem before solving it no ma er how
painful or di cult it is. However, valuing oneself precedes the ability to accept
responsibility. Valuing oneself is an essen al step towards mental health and is the “…
cornerstone of self discipline”.

Another aspect of establishing discipline is to be con nually involved in our lives. This means we
wholeheartedly par cipate in life and dedicate ourselves to reality. We have to ac vely
construct a working view of the world rather than clinging to outdated views. People ignore
reality as it is burdensome. According to Peck, most people give up their quest for truth and
meaning in their lives by the end of adolescence and by middle age most have given up trying.
This sounds rather dire but when we re ect on how most live life it is not far from the truth.

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 Peck also points out our tendency to avoid challenge is so high it can almost be considered part
of human nature.

At this juncture the author is cri cal of psychiatrists who encourage openness to challenge and
self examina on in their clients but themselves spend li le me contempla ng. He writes, “The
life of wisdom must be a life of contempla on combined with ac on.”

Withholding truth is another weed to be uprooted. While we all accept lying is bad Peck
underlines the fact that white lies are equally harmful as they hold back informa on. Those who
indulge this habit frequently will sooner than later invite problems.

Balancing is one more tool Peck o ers to achieve discipline in our lives. We must learn when to
give up certain aspects of ourselves in pursuit of a be er future. He gives a personal example of
playing chess with his daughter one school night. While Peck’s daughter is sa s ed spending
me with her father and ending the game halfway, Peck himself is determined to complete the
game despite the late hour. The end result is an argument and sour feelings between the two.
Peck admits his obsession to complete the game led to upse ng his daughter and this could
have been easily avoided if he had given up a bit of his compe veness and seriousness.

Furthermore, Peck expresses that depression can actually be healthy. It is part of the process of
giving up the old self in order to grow mentally and spiritually. Depression only becomes a
problem when it is prolonged and is not resolved by the process of growth. This reminded me of
an interes ng ar cle I read by Dr Neel Burton. Burton not only suggests depression can be good
but the idea of it is in uenced by socio-cultural factors.

Finally, there is bracke ng, the act of balancing our need for stability and self asser on with the
need for new learning and growth. For new material to be incorporated into our lives we must
set our self aside temporarily. The author encourages the reader to reach for higher levels of
consciousness to avoid pain.

Here are some of the condi ons, desires and maladap ve a tudes one must give up during a
life me to lead a successful and ful lling life:

•The fantasy of omnipotence

•The dependency of childhood
•Distorted images of one’s parents

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 •Authority over one’s children

•The independence of physical health
In summary, the steps to achieving Sco Peck’s idea of discipline are delaying of gra ca on,
acceptance of responsibility, dedica on to truth and balancing.

The Road Less Travelled: Love (Chapter 2)

While discipline is the rst step to achieving a full life what is the mo ve or the energy for
discipline? Love, says Sco Peck. Peck de nes love as, “The will to extend one’s self for the
purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” He clari es self love and love of
others go hand-in-hand and are ul mately indis nguishable. Love is not just a desire but a
combina on of ac on and inten on. Peck dedicates a major part of his book to love and the
length of this post re ects that.

Peck rst tackles the misconcep ons related to love. The rst misconcep on is the idea of
“falling in love” which he says is more a sexual intent. Eventually couples who “fall in love” will
fall out of love and ego boundaries (discussed in Part 1) snap back in place. This is when a
couple must either work on ‘real’ love or fall apart. Peck states, “…falling in love is a trick our
genes pull on our otherwise percep ve mind to hoodwink or trap us into marriage.”

Peck contemplates the myth of roman c love popularised by famous fairy tales probably exists
to propagate human race, i.e., to ensure the survival of the species. In saying so he
acknowledges the role “falling in love”, however temporary, plays in the larger idea of true love.

The second misconcep on about love is dependency. Love involves the ability to recognise the
separateness of two individuals. “Love is the free exercise of choice” and is not parasi c.
Dependency or requiring another person for one’s very survival is unhealthy. This dependency
can occur between a parent-child, husband-wife or two friends and is a recipe for disaster. Peck
beau fully writes, “Two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living
without each other but ‘choose’ to live with each other.”

We all experience feelings of dependency but it becomes a problem when we let it rule our
lives. People who de ne themselves solely on their dependency based rela onship o en su er

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 from a passive dependent personality; such people o en have no iden ty of their own and are
afraid of solitude. The source of this problem is a lack of love and a ec on in childhood.
Children who grow up with inconsistent pa erns of love and a ec on o en grow up with a
deep sense of insecurity. Dependency ul mately destroys rela onships rather than build them.

Thirdly, Peck addresses the habit of a aching the term ‘love’ to anything we cathect to, in other
words any object or person we a ach ourselves to. We o en say we ‘love’ our car or our house.
Real love, Peck says, is between people who respect each other’s strength, independence and
individuality and not with objects. It is not based on condi ons. He gives the example of
mothers who nurture their children with abundance of love but stop loving the same children
when they grow up and exert their independence or disobey her. This type of a mother
‘decathects’ herself from the child.

The fourth misconcep on about love is self sacri ce. Many people equate love with picking up
a er others. This is misguided love, a perversion equivalent to masochism. Genuine love is a self
replenishing ac vity and aims at spiritual growth.

The nal misconcep on is love being a feeling. Peck states love is an ac on. The misconcep on
of love being a feeling arises from cathec ng (a aching) to objects or people we give
importance to whether they help us or not. They can be ee ng and momentary. Genuine love
on the other hand involves commitment and wisdom and transcends the ma er of cathexes.
Love is more of a voli on than an emo on and is a commi ed and though ul decision.

A er confron ng the misconcep ons of love Peck shi s to what love involves. First and
foremost, love involves e ort. The primary form of e ort that love includes is a en on or a shi
in consciousness towards another. The most common form of a en on is listening. The type of
listening we undertake depends on the age of the person we love. A toddler o en cha ers away
while an adolescent has few words to o er to his parents. An adult too requires the need to be
listened to. In all cases listening takes on di erent forms but is of utmost importance.

Next, love involves the risk of loss and hence courage. Some people avoid risk and devote their
en re lives to not a ach to people. Love requires a achment for a beginning. With a achment
comes the risk of loss. But if we have to avoid the pain of loss we will have to do away with
many thing, e.g., having children, ge ng married, friendships etc. But these are the very things
that contribute to a full live. To live a full life we must risk loss. Emo onal problems arise when
we avoid legi mate su ering that comes from risking loss.

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 The more loving we are the more risks we have to take. Growing up is one such risk. It is the
shi from childhood to adulthood. Simple as it sounds many do not psychologically grow up and
remain children right through adulthood. They do not separate from their parents. The process
of growing up takes me and involves several steps into the unknown. These are usually taken
in adolescence but can happen at any age. What does independence have to do with love?
Growing up is an act of self love and of forging change in our lives. When we value ourselves we
allow change. Psychological independence requires growing up.

Another risk love encounters is commitment. Commitment is the founda on of any loving
rela onship. Problems with commitment form a major part of psychological disorders.
Commitment involves an extension of selves. With commitment the risk of confronta on also
exists. In a rela onship we have to risk exercising power. Cri cising or confron ng those we love
is not easy and is o en seen as arrogant. Before confron ng those we love we must exercise self
scru ny and humility. To confront means to guide or change the course of person’s life. For that
to happen that person should be ready for change and the confronta on should not prove
detrimental to her.

Another facet of love is it is disciplined. Uncontrolled emo ons are not necessarily any deeper
than a disciplined feeling. One should not be a slave to one’s feelings.

Lastly, Peck points out professional literature in the West ignores the importance of love in
psychotherapy. According to him this is due to the confusion between roman c love and
genuine love. Psychotherapy is o en reparen ng. Just as a parent loves his child it is not wrong
for a therapist to show respect and a ec on towards a pa ent. However, at no point must the
therapist use his pa ent for his personal bene t. It must be recalled that love is achieving
spiritual growth.

Several ques ons arise about the origins of love or how some people overcome lack of love and
a ec on in childhood to live ful lling lives. Peck deals with these ques ons in his nal two
sec ons on religion and grace.

The Road Less Travelled: Growth & Religion (Chapter 3)

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 As we grow in discipline and love (discussed in Parts 1 & 2) so does our understanding of the
world. Sco Peck explains our comprehension of what life is about is our religion. Religion is not
necessarily a belief in God or rituals, although it can encompass those as well. He says, “…
everyone has an explicit or implicit set of ideas and beliefs as to the essen al nature of the
world.” These ideas form our religion. Our religion must be wholly personal and not dictated by
others.

Not everyone is conscious of their world view or may have only a par al understanding of it.
Much of our world view is developed within the microcosm of our family. Our idea of life is
shaped and guided by the behaviour and ac ons of our parents, more so than by what they
convey verbally.

Since much of our world view is determined by our childhood experiences Peck men ons the
rousing of a central problem, namely, the rela onship between religion and reality. In order to
have a realis c world view, “…we must constantly revise and extend our understanding to
include new knowledge of the larger world.” The author men ons failing to rise above the
in uence of our par cular culture leads to a world full of con ict. Each person tends to believe
her par cular world view is correct.

“The path to holiness lies through ques oning everything.” Peck urges us to give up old ideas
and thoughts, transcend our limi ng microcosms and kill our narrow vision of the world. He
suggests a scien c way to do so. We have to become scien sts and ‘examine’ our ‘reality’ by
broadening our ‘knowledge’ with healthy ‘distrust’ through ‘experience’ and ‘discipline’. The
words in quotes highlight the key scien c terms involved in spiritual growth.

To explain the e ect of religion in our lives Peck peruses three case studies from his clinical
prac ce. The rst example is of a neuro c woman with gross feelings of sin and punishment.
She grew up in a household where religion was used to create fear and discipline. The second
case is of a woman who grew up with atheist parents who provided her with all material things
but despite a comfortable life she is le extremely joyless. The third case is of a man who
suppresses his belief in God due to constant rebuke and teasing by his family and friends. He
eventually develops an intellectual snobbery against spirituality. I recommend a more thorough
reading of the case studies from the book itself.

These case studies are interes ng since they show what extreme views of religion lead to. All
three individuals overcame their outmoded views of religion through therapy. Peck disagrees
with therapists who view religion itself as being a neurosis. He feels therapy need not guide

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 people away from religion but rather help them develop healthy world views and experience
religion along a middle path.

However, while exploring our ideas in scien c ways Peck warns of falling prey to idolatry
involving the no ons of science themselves, of ‘scien c tunnel vision’. A neophyte scien st, he
says, can be as fana cal as a religious person. Many scien sts do not acknowledge the evidence
regarding the reality of God because it is hard to measure and due to a staunch belief in natural
laws. In the same vein he denounces the extreme views of religious people sta ng, “…our
cri cal facul es and capacity for scep cism (should) not be blinded by the brilliant beauty of the
spiritual realm.”

Sco Peck envisions a future where hopefully religion and science merge to form a true genuine
religious reality rather than being at loggerheads with each other.

The Road Less Travelled: Grace (Chapter 4)

In this nal sec on, Sco Peck details the role of grace in a human’s life. Just as in earlier parts
of the book, case studies, anecdotes and even Greek myths are employed to illustrate the
importance of grace and its rela on to mental health. This ar cle a empts to present a
condensed version of the last, yet profound, segment of the book. While I try my best to avoid a
piecemeal approach, the subheadings are an endeavor to unite various ideas.

Coincidence, or not?

There are many instances in life when we have unconsciously been saved from accidents. There
are personal pa erns of survival that are not a result of conscious decision making. Some may
call it survival ins nct. But naming it does not explain the phenomenon. Our tendency towards
survival is something more than ins nct, something miraculous, something unconscious.

But how does our unconscious mind communicate with us?

In psychoanalysis, dreams or ‘Freudian slips’ of the tongue are ways our ‘personal unconscious’
manifests. The meaning of many dreams is incomprehensible. But on some occasions the
message we decipher is always designed to further our spiritual growth.

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 A large part of what is unconscious can also be received. Jung’s theory of ‘collec ve
unconscious’ is useful in understanding this concept be er. It is the idea that we inherit our
ancestors’ wisdom and experience without having direct personal experience of the same. Peck
states that research shows it is possible to inherit informa on stored within cells as a chemical
code that is passed on from previous genera ons.

Spiritual Growth is the Evolu on of Consciousness

Peck de nes grace as, “A powerful force origina ng outside of human consciousness…” Grace
has been recognised by religious people for centuries. We do not know where it resides. Our
human tendency to categorise and conceptualise things in terms of discrete en es interferes
with our understanding of this phenomenon.

Grace is at the root of spiritual growth and in Peck’s words, “Spiritual growth is the evolu on of
an individual.” Peck further explains that this act of evolu on is love. While love is evolu on in
progress, the purpose of evolu on is God. God, according to Peck, is unconsciousness.

For those skep cal of this idea Peck borrows Jung’s analogy of a rhizome. The root of the
rhizome is hidden from view but the visible part withers and dies every summer. This can be
compared to life and death of human civilisa on where underneath the obvious, a deeper,
eternal spirit lives on.

Science is yet to explain many facets of ‘psychic phenomena’. But, Peck adds, it is not a reason
to ignore human experience altogether.

Mental Health and Spiritual Growth

The word ‘conscious’ is derived from La n and means ‘to know with’. To know with what is the
ques on that arises. To know with our unconscious is the conclusion Peck arrives at.

Majority of thinkers place mental illness as arising from the unconscious, very o en due to the
tumultuous nature of dreams. Peck strongly states that the opposite is true – mental illness is
rooted in consciousness – the resistance of unconscious wisdom by the conscious self.

The ul mate goal of spiritual development is to become one with God, to recognize
unconsciousness. This does not mean merging consciousness and unconsciousness.

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 Consciousness is the medium through which God is manifested in the world. Instead of a
merger, we must think of a mature and conscious ego.

Types of Power

Poli cal power overtly or covertly involves coercing people. It usually resides in kingships,
presidencies and money.

Spiritual power on the other hand is found within oneself and does not have persuasive
inclina ons. It makes decisions with more awareness but with more awareness comes the
challenge of indecision – when you are aware of what the outcome might be you are more
hesitant to take a call. But one must persist in gaining more knowledge and experience the “…
joy that comes with mastery.”

Spiritual power can be terrifying. It leads to aloneness (opposed to loneliness) which is not
having anyone to communicate at your level of awareness. But this burden itself is a path to
being closer to God.

The Greek Myth of Orestes and the Furies

Orestes kills his mother to avenge his father’s death. But he is consumed by guilt and begins to
be tormented by three ‘Furies’ who torture his mind with rebuke and cri cism. Orestes nally
requests the Greek Gods to relieve him of his misery. A trial is held in which Orestes takes full
responsibility for his ac ons although they were caused by a curse on his family. The Gods rule
in his favour and li the curse. Orestes is relieved of the ‘Furies’.

Peck details this myth to point out Orestes’ role in curing his own mental torment. Mental
illness can be a family a air, but Orestes did not blame anyone. He made the e ort to heal
himself by recognising his issue and seeking assistance. This, Peck elegantly underscores, is the
purpose of therapy. While a therapist is present to guide a pa ent, it is only the pa ent who has
the ability to make a full recovery with the right inten on. It is up to the pa ent to use the tool
of psychotherapy.

Grace and Mental Health

Whatever the level and depth of mental illness, a person can heal herself if she can rise above
the resistance to grace, i.e., laziness and ‘original entropy’, through a will to grow.

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 Many are fearful of healing as it comes through hard work and is a “call to a life of e or ul
caring, to a life of service and whatever sacri ce seems required.”

We ins nc vely reject responsibility.

But there s ll is no explana on as to why some people heed the call to grace while others do
not. Nevertheless, Peck reassures the reader that there is no doubt that every single person is
blessed with grace.

The Welcoming of Grace

Many are not seeking spiritual growth but are confronted by circumstances that bring them
face-to-face with grace. Yet s ll, some are looking for it and do not nd it. In either case, we can
only will ourselves to be open to the miracle of grace.

Serendipity, “…the gi of nding valuable or agreeable things not sought for” is a beau ful word
to describe the openness to grace.

Peck reiterates that an “invisible hand” guides us and its wisdom is far more accurate than our
unaided conscious will. Grace helps hasten the journey of spiritual growth.

But we must s ll take the necessary steps and not be consumed by laziness.

Some seek to be shown every step of the way. But spiritual growth requires “…the courage and
ini a ve and independence of thought and ac on.”

Peck informs his pa ents that the human race is in the midst of an evolu onary leap. It is each
individual’s choice and responsibility to take that leap.

“The universe, this stepping stone, has been laid down to prepare the way for us.”

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