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 A l so by Beth e n n y Fr a n k e l

N aturall y Thin

The Skinnygirl Dish

30049_PlaceOfYes.indd 2 2/9/11 1:29 PM

 A Place of Yes
10 Rules for Getting Everything
You Want Out of Life

Bethenny Frankel
with Eve Adamson

A Touchstone Book
Published by Simon & Schuster
New York  London  Toronto  Sydney

30049_PlaceOfYes.indd 3 2/9/11 1:29 PM

 Touchstone
A Division of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020

Copyright © 2011 by BB Endeavors, LLC

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof
in any form whatsoever. For information address Touchstone Subsidiary Rights
Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

First Touchstone hardcover edition March 2011

TOUCHSTONE and colophon are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

For information about special discounts for bulk purchases,

please contact Simon & Schuster Special Sales at
1-866-506-1949 or business@simonandschuster.com.

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For more information or to book an event contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers
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Designed Joy O’Meara

Manufactured in the United States of America

1  3  5  7  9  10  8  6  4  2

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Frankel, Bethenny.
A place of yes : 10 rules for getting everything you want out of life /
by Bethenny Frankel, with Eve Adamson.
p.  cm.
1.  Self-actualization (Psychology).  2.  Self-realization. 
3.  Self-defeating behavior.  4.  Success.  5.  Frankel, Bethenny. 
I.  Adamson, Eve.  II.  Title.
BF637.S4F723 2011
646.7—dc22 2010050090

ISBN 978-1-4391-8690-9
ISBN 978-1-4391-8692-3 (ebook)

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 This book is dedicated to you:
my passionate, fearless, inappropriate,
supportive, caring, hilarious fans.

You go for it, you want more, you believe in yourselves

and in the fight and you know that good enough
simply isn’t good enough.

You have come into my life and allowed me to come into yours.
Everything I do is to show you that anything and everything
is possible, and we will get there together.

Trust this book, love yourself,

and allow yourself to live the life
you always dreamed of.

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 Contents

Introduction
Who I Am, What This Book Is About,
and What You Need to Know Before You Begin  1

Rule 1
Break the Chain: Surviving Childhood  18

Rule 2
Find Your Truth: How I Finally Met My Match  64

Rule 3
Act on It: My Dream Evolves  114

Rule 4
Everything’s Your Business: Finding My Stride As an Entrepreneur  143

Rule 5
All Roads Lead to Rome: The Rise and Fall of BethennyBakes  174

Rule 6
Go for Yours: The Apprentice, Martha, and Me  201

Rule 7
Separate from the Pack: My Life as a “Housewife”  226

vii

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 viii Contents

Rule 8
Own It: Bethenny Getting Married?  253

Rule 9
Come Together: My Life Now  276

Rule 10
Celebrate!: The Business of Being Happy  311

Acknowledgments  323

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 Everything’s Your Business 151

Setting Priorities

Decide what you want, and decide what you are will-
ing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go
to work.

—H. L. Hunt, entrepreneur and oil tycoon

Making everything your business helps you set your priorities as it

helps you do your best. It is particularly helpful when you have to
make a big decision. Should you do something or not? Ask yourself
whether you truly want to do it, and whether you are willing to give
it all you’ve got. Will it feed into your plan for your life, will it move
you forward, is it in line with your goals and your values and who
you are? Will you enjoy it? Do you think it will be worth your best
effort? If it is, then commit to it fully. If not, then say no—because
in that case, saying no will be coming from a place of yes.
Here’s an example from my life. Recently, to my great surprise
and pleasure, I was asked to be on Skating with the Stars. Ice-
skating! I loved the idea, but my first thought was that I didn’t
have the time. In fact, I thought there was no possible way I could
do it. I was just beginning to film the second season of my show,
and we film four to five days a week. Bravo said there was no way
I could fit it in—I was still finishing up this book, doing frequent
appearances—it would be impossible. It would be insane. Plus, it
really didn’t have anything to do with my career. Would it be a ri-
diculous thing to do? I considered all the angles.
I knew it couldn’t compromise more important things, like my
family, and Jason would have to be on board with it. The show in-
volved a lot of early-morning practices at the rink. Would that cut
into our important family time? Would I be sacrificing time with
Bryn? I knew it would put a lot more pressure and responsibility on
Jason.
On the other hand, I love to skate! I thought it would be fun. I

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 152 A Place of Yes

thought I could set a good example for Bryn, and for women every-
where. If I could go on a show like that at the age of 40, when I
couldn’t even skate down the ramp on the first day, wouldn’t that
inspire women? Wouldn’t they see they could do anything, if they
want it enough? I wanted it enough.
Jason was behind me 100 percent. He came from a place of yes,
and said, “You can do this. I’ll get you through it.” He could tell how
much I wanted to do it, and to him, that meant we should make it
work. Someday we could show Bryn the pictures of Mommy skat-
ing in the pretty costumes. It could actually be fun, even a bonding
activity for our family.
I definitely wasn’t free from doubts, not to mention perfection-
ist noise. I love to roller-skate, but I hadn’t really ice-skated since I
was a kid, except for a few times at Rockefeller Center, maybe every
five years or so on a date. Could I do it? What if I fell? What if I
made a complete fool of myself ? A lot of those skaters took ballet,
and I didn’t. I’m more athletic and not all that graceful, and ice-
skating is ballet on ice. What if I looked ridiculous? What if, what
if, what if ?
But fear is a mindset, and so is the will to succeed. It’s all in
how you approach it. Don’t think of all the ways you can’t do some-
thing. Think of all the ways you can. I could have focused on how
hard this would be—many of the other people on the show are just
doing the show, while I’m simultaneously filming my show, writing
my book, managing my business, and at the same time, have a new
husband and a new baby. Add to that commuting from New York to
Los Angeles every week. I could focus on how hard it would be.
Or, I could focus on how much I wanted to do it.
It might even be great. I made something great for myself out
of the Real Housewives experience, which could have been a career
killer if I’d handled it the wrong way. Also, I’m a gambler and I like
to be in on the ground floor of things. If Bravo asked me to join
the Real Housewives franchise today, I would probably say no be-
cause it’s nothing new anymore. When I said yes to that show

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 Everything’s Your Business 153

(more about that story in a later chapter), it was the beginning of a

whole new era of television. The same applies to Dancing with the
Stars, which just finished its eleventh season. I could have gone on
that show, but I preferred the idea of doing a Season One, even if
I was taking a risk on a show that might or might not even have a
Season Two.
My agent said, “Why don’t you wait to see if it’s a success, and if
it is, you can go on the second season?” I thought about that, but it’s
really not my style.
I also considered that my show is on a specialized cable channel,
but Skating with the Stars is on network television. This would be a
much wider audience, and that alone has a lot of potential in terms
of getting my name and face out there and expanding my business
and my message. It could take me to the next level. (In actuality, it
also almost killed me! But that’s the nature of risk.) So I could see
benefits for my career. Ultimately, though, that is not why I did it.
My gut said to go for it.
So I said yes.
It was the most grueling, difficult, excruciating experience of my
entire life. But once I decided to tackle it, I knew I had to go all the
way with it. When you decide to do something that really stretches
your limits, you have to stand by your decision, not do it begrudg-
ingly or tell everybody you’re too tired or it’s too hard.
Even when it was hard and I was tired and stressed, I couldn’t
complain about it because it was my decision and nobody made me
do it.
One day, Julie looked at me and said, “Hey—we did it.” She was
right. We were surgically efficient and maximized every minute to
make it happen. I was never late for a rehearsal, and when I was
there, I was totally there, not thinking about what I had to do next.
Jason helped make it happen in every way he could, and I couldn’t
have done it without his help. I pushed my limits and embraced
something that wasn’t necessarily comfortable. In the end, I prob-
ably never should have done it. I’ve never done anything so difficult

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 154 A Place of Yes

in my life. Everything’s my business, but I had no business doing a

show like this. It was just so grueling—sometimes I wanted to crawl
into bed and never come back out. I probably cried every day.
But here’s the thing: I said yes, so I honored my commitment,
and I ended up making it to the finals. I improved so dramatically,
it still amazes me. I went from amateur to actually knowing how to
ice-skate. It was a true accomplishment for me.
I learned two important lessons from this experience. One:
know your limits! Women tend to take on too much and spread
themselves too thin. Perfectionist noise! You have to do what’s good
for you, girls. You don’t have to say yes to everything! Two: When
you do say yes, keep going. No matter how difficult it gets, plowing
through and taking responsibility for what you decided to do can
transform you. It builds character, and it helps you to push yourself
to accomplish what you never dreamed you could.
Although truth be told, if I had to do it over again? I would say,
“No, thank you.”

Know What You Stand For

A brand is a living entity and it is enriched or under-

mined cumulatively over time, the product of a thou-
sand small gestures.

—Michael Eisner, former CEO

of the Walt Disney Company

The next important element that can help you understand how to
make everything your business is to really decide what your busi-
ness is. Whether your business is technically a business or not, you
can’t make everything your business unless you have a clear vision
of what that means for you. Specifically, you need to have a mes-
sage, and you must know what you stand for.

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 Want more from Bethenny?
Order your copy of A Place of Yes today!

A PLACE of YES
New from Bethenny!
It’s easy to say no and “I can’t,” to expect
the worst and to doubt yourself. But your life
can be better than “not bad” or “good
enough”—it can be amazing.

In her new book, Bethenny opens up

and shares the obstacles she overcame and
the great success she has enjoyed while
discovering how to approach life from “A
Place of Yes.” By putting together Bethenny’s
ten rules for pursuing your goals with
authenticity and drive, you too can be more
successful, more fulfilled, healthier, and
happier than ever before. Click here to learn
more!

Available wherever books are sold.

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