April 20, 2021 annoying, but it causes unnecessary tension in the relationship

Complementary Forms of Conflict Management between boss and employee.

Traditional Complementary 2. “I am disappointed because …” – Talk about how you feel

➔ Imperative ➔ Individual If you think you have been wrongly accused of making a mistake,
➔ Issue-related ➔ Integrated
you should definitely address the issue. Do not simply absorb
everything, but talk about what is bothering you, and why, in a
The Difficult Boss
How to Manage your Boss (Video) clear and measured way.

Step 1: Listen & Learn 3. “Next time it will be better” – Deal with mistakes
Truly listen, Pick up on what he’s not saying constructively
Mistakes are completely human, and happen to all of us. It is
Step 2: Become Self-Reliant
important to explain them without putting yourself down.

Step 3: Get better at communicating Explain errors confidently, and make suggestions for
Bring up the awkward subjects, Talk about your poor results, improvement. This way, you demonstrate a proactive attitude,
Show the boss your initiative required to do your job. This builds
and the ability to learn from your mistakes.
trust over time.

Step 4: Choose your battles
Good leaders will test your logic, reasoning, and sense of
flexibility to commit. If you’ve lost a battle, let it go. Don’t keep
track on who’s winning or losing.
4. “Today I should just leave him alone” – Sit out tantrums
Sometimes even the best strategy simply doesn’t help. If the
boss is steaming with anger, it is not a bad idea to wait, and
tackle the situation when he has calmed down.

Step 5: Act of Random Kindness (ARK)

Develop rapport with your boss - find a common interest; ask a
few genuine questions; try to get to know them better
10 tips for dealing with difficult bosses (Video)
5. “Can I have that in an e-mail” – Get agreements in writing
Trust is good, control is better. Try to have important agreements
or promises in writing. You are then on the safe side, and you can
avoid arguments. With a difficult manager, this can only be an

1. “I didn’t know that” – Avoid lack of clarity advantage!

Do you have the feeling that instructions from your manager are
6. “It’s my boss, not my family” – Don’t take things personally
unclear or even incomplete? It is better to address such issues
clearly and immediately. To work at cross purposes is not only
Is your boss is being difficult again? Try not to take it too much to
Managing a difficult boss is essential in conflict management
heart. You shouldn’t just put up with it but, every now and then, of the workplace. Communication is important. As long as you
not taking everything too seriously can be calming. do your job, don’t take what they say too much to the heart. Try
to avoid and create conflict with your boss. You can apply these
tips in the video.
7. “I recognize that from somewhere” – Study the behavior
patterns of your manager
True to the motto ‘knowledge is power’, you should study the Basic Complementary Forms of Conflict Management
1. Mediation
typical behavior of your boss and draw your own conclusions
2. Moderation
from it. If you know in advance that, with your manager, after 3. Supervision
point A often comes point C, you can prepare accordingly. 4. Coaching
5. Team Development
8. “How do you see the whole picture?” – Listen to the
assessment of your colleagues One should know when which method is appropriate

Do you have a problem with your manager, and don’t know what
Mediation
to think about the situation? Ask a colleague that you trust for an The word “mediation” is derived from the Latin “mediare”. The
assessment. The opinion of a third party can often be very goal of mediation is that conflict participants autonomously
develop a sustainable solution for the future which corresponds
valuable.
to their interests and needs.
➔ goal oriented,
9. “He has a sense of humour” – Find something positive
➔ structured phase model,
about your manager
➔ by need-oriented discussions, and
Even if the boss is difficult, there is usually at least one thing that ➔ by modification of the parties’ communication patterns.
is, on reflection, not so bad. Try to find something positive about
your manager – even the little pleasures in life can make the day Neutrality/Impartiality, ensure openness and transparency. All
easier. parties participate equally.

Employed in managing partnerships, relationships, conflicts in

10. “Now I’ll switch off” – Clear you head in your free time
the public arena
Of course, stress with the boss can’t always be completely
avoided. At home, it is therefore important not to think too much Moderation
about work and your boss. Try to switch off and enjoy your free The moderator is responsible for the process and acts as
time, and the time with friends and family. impartial discussion leader.
 ➔ ensures that all participants are equally involved, that
participants’ contributions are clearly explained and that
results are documented.
➔ may draw on resources such as discussion rules, methods
using flashcards, feedback or paraphrasing.
➔ developing and expanding their capabilities
➔ helps make people aware of the social
➔ institutional and subjective conditions associated with a
professional occupation, and
➔ effects on professional actions

Working process of the groups What differentiates supervision from mediation?

➔ structuring,
➔ visualisation and Mediation is not to improve professional capability or to analyse
➔ other techniques. institutional relationships.

Areas of application include task Mediator accompanies the parties through the process from
➔ coordination, dissent to consensus.
➔ planning,
➔ strategy development, Coaching
➔ problem analysis and Coaching is goal-oriented counselling given to an individual to
➔ problem solving. help them reflect on and deal with an existing problem.
Coaching is consequently an interaction between two people,
Facilitates the working process
where the client is an expert in matters pertaining to him
(problem) and the coach is an expert in the process (questions,
Moderators may draw on resources, such as methods
structure, etc.).
When you say moderation, it enables a group to structure and
This equality between the positions of coach and coachee (the
efficiently deal with the topic. The moderator ensures optimal
client of the coach) is of central importance, as the coaching
utilization of existing synergy potential and goal. Management
process should be viewed as a dialogue between partners.
of conflict is not the priority but the achievement of an
objective.
The coach agrees on the goal with the coachee. Both work
In mediation, Amicably resolve a conflict between 2 or more together on a strategy to achieve the goal.
people with the help of a neutral 3rd party (Moderator).
Opposition and obstacles are identified and courses of action
Ex: Moderation - A team plans and implements a new product are agreed on.
rollout
The coach works as a discreet adviser. A coach also guides the
coachee through the process and provide feedback
Supervision
Supervision is the specialist support of a team or a person by a
trained supervisor
Excessively used of coaching today and in a way open to
misinterpretation, “the boss as coach”
This phrase goes against the principle of coach neutrality. We
can’t say that the coach is a boss.
Coaching here is different from a basketball coach who is the
boss.
Coaching can make a valuable contribution to conflict
prevention.
What differentiates coaching from mediation?
Mediation, there are always at least two parties to the conflict
and two different positions.
Mediator works on bringing the two parties together, a coach
focuses on the interests of his client and assists him in
understanding and dealing with conflicts.
An example of coaching: A department head establishes that his
whole team suffers due to conflicts between employees. He
seeks the expert advice of a coach to determine how to best deal
with it.
Team development
Team development presents a multitude of problems (power
struggles, formation of coalitions, conflicts of customs...), which
can paralyse or even destroy a group before they become a team.
In team development, the process is managed by a professional
advisor to quickly get the team fit for work
Team development has a purpose of transforming a group of
people into a team. To achieve this goal, a process driven by
group dynamics takes place.
Reasons for team development:
➔ Improvement of Communication
➔ Cooperation and working relationship between the
team members
➔ Development of team identity or clarification of
functional roles
Team Development is used when a company or department
merges or when new teams are put together.
What differentiates team development from mediation?
Team development enables a group to work together and deal
with conflicts.
Team development is a means of conflict prevention, as the team
is brought into a position that enables it to independently deal
with and resolve conflicts.
At this point a word of caution: If a conflict already exists within a
team, it is better to use mediation, as in certain circumstances
team development can exacerbate a conflict.
Ex: A new working team is put together and supported by an
expert adviser in its initial phase in order to optimize
cooperation within the group,
Organisational development versus Mediation
Organisational development (“OD”) is a long-term process aimed
at the further development and transformation of an
organisation or part of an organisation.
Objective: ➔ Improve the information flow
➔ simultaneous improvement of the performance of the ➔ Take the conflict skills(!) of candidates into consideration in
organisation (efficiency and effectiveness) and the employee selection process
➔ the quality of working conditions ➔ Create promotion and career opportunities along with
opportunities for personal and professional development
OD is concerned with ➔ Direct training not only towards professional skills, but also
➔ strategic social skills.
➔ structural and/or cultural problems.
Mediation is Complementary to Organisational development
April 22, 2021 OD has found few answers to conflict management. As the
Continuation frequency of conflicts in society increases, a universal, clearly
structured method of conflict management was long overdue.
Organisational development and Conflict Management
In the context of organisational development, conflict This can also explain why mediation as a “new” method spread
management plays a decisive role in successful change so quickly and is met with so much interest.
management.
Organizational Development
Phenomenon of conflict is important in organizational
➔ The affected parties become participants and are
psychology.
included in all phases of the process.
➔ The advisor (change agent) is responsible for the process
There is still a gap of literature regarding this issue. and not for the outcome.
➔ The process is managed by neutral change agents /
advisors.
A review of conflict literature shows that today there are only a
➔ The goal of OD is to improve the problem-solving and
few empirical studies of conflict and conflict management in transformation processes in the organisation and
organisations thereby initiate ongoing learning processes.
➔ The OD advisor encourages focus on solutions, resources
and future possibilities, instead of problems and
Often assumed that within the scope of OD, the differences of
difficulties
conflicts can be settled by addressing and resolving it
Mediation
Organisational development provides some indications as to how ➔ All participants in the conflict are included in the
conflicts can be avoided: mediation process.
➔ Make clear agreements about objectives and targets ➔ The mediator is the manager or director of the
➔ Involve your employees in the decision making process negotiations. He is not responsible for the content or the
➔ Reduce the dependency of employees on supervisors outcome.
➔ Arbitration by neutral or impartial third parties, the
➔ Give employees more individual room for manoeuvre
mediators.

➔ Constructive learning processes are initiated.
Participants learn how to deal differently with conflicts
going forward.
➔ Mediation is not concerned with problems from the
past, but with how the parties want to shape the future.
April 27, 2021
Conflict Prevention
Conflict Prevention
➔ Everyday Disputes in the Office
➔ Productive and Unproductive Conflicts
➔ Conflict Prevention Through Self-Reflection and Personal
➔ Development
Everyday Disputes in the Office
“Kirsty Norman meets regularly with her friends from student
days. Mostly they talk about books, politics or other current
affairs. Lately she has noticed that the others complain more
frequently about problems at work. Sabine, for example, handed
in her notice, as she could no longer endure the constant
arguments with her boss. She’s been looking for a new job for
more than 2 months now. Joseph’s long-term issue is his
“favourite colleague”. If he can avoid him, the day is saved. But if
they can’t escape another in a meeting, it’s a disaster. Then there
is trouble ahead. Derogatory remarks are the norm. Recently a
heated argument erupted. His boss appeared overwhelmed by
the situation and changed the subject. Mark is now waiting for
an opportunity to take revenge. Paul reports with a wry smile
that the internal communication in his company has become
contaminated, as it’s now common practice to answer enquiries
or information emails with everyone in copy. Everybody is on
their guard and a culture of justification and blame has evolved.
Kirsty herself is happy in her job, although that makes for a less
interesting topic of conversation. She works as a project manager
for a PR agency. She has become proficient in what she does, but
still frequently feels challenged. The teamwork with her
colleagues runs smoothly. When there are differences of opinion,
they sit down together and discuss the problem. While her boss
has his faults, everyone knows what to expect of him. If
something doesn’t go well occasionally and there is trouble with
customers, he can always be counted on to back his team. A
team meeting takes place once a week. This ensures that
everyone has the same information and issues can be openly
discussed. Only the offices are slowly becoming too small, but
that’s a different story.”
Productive & Unproductive Conflicts
1. What differentiates Kirsty’s working environment from
that of her friends?
2. Why is there a much better atmosphere at her company?
3. Is it just luck? Or is there more to it?
➔ Conflicts, disagreements, and issues/problems
➔ Dispute
Conflict prevention – a constructive process to manage conflicts
or tensions not to magnify.
Conflict prevention does not mean generally stopping conflicts
from taking place or suppressing them. Surprisingly, there are
circumstances that management requires to incite conflicts, in
order to set changes to established habits in motion.
Conflict prevention consists:
➔ avoiding unproductive conflicts
➔ promoting constructive debate
Productive Conflicts
➔ aimed at change
➔ means to an end.
➔ Examples
◆ strategic decision
 ◆ allocation of resources
◆ new hiring or outsourcing of workforce
➔ Every conflict, no matter how common, can turn out to be
productive.
➔ Most have a positive core. In a conflict, differing
interpretations of information clash.
➔ Systems theorists speak about how meaning and
interpretations are negotiated in a conflict.
➔ Often only possible in retrospect to determine whether a
conflict had positive aspects and what these are.
Unproductive conflicts
➔ Misunderstandings
➔ Inadequate information or strong emotional reactions.
➔ End in itself or serves the purpose of asserting one point of
view over another
➔ Most conflicts are hybrid forms and contain both
productive as well as unproductive elements
3 Different Levels of Prevention
1. Structural - organised forms of communication within a
company
2. Communicative - identifies how and for which reasons
people in the organisation speak to one other or exchange
written communications.
3. Personal - relates to the way in which employees and
managers consider their own behaviour and how they
think about approaching tense situations.
In the communicative level, conflicts arise as a result of
insufficient discussion, needs, expectations are not met.
On a personal level, conflicts occur due to inner tension or
individual dissatisfaction or frustrations.
Conflict Prevention through Communication Structure
Configuration
The first fundamental aspect of conflict prevention is the
structural organisation of the team.
➔ Constructive teamwork - an “appreciative” communication
structure.
➔ Opportunity to frequently exchange ideas and information
◆ varying points of view can be aligned
◆ differences can be recognized
◆ and tensions can be eased by discussion before
they escalate.
Consequently, communication channels to facilitate regular
exchange of information need to be established.
Formal Communication Structures
Each has a role as part of a whole - opportunity to exchange
information
Ex. call centre; law firm.
There are organisations where employees suffer from an
excessive number of inefficient meetings. Boredom
non-attendance is the consequence. In other companies, there
are too few meetings and problems arise due to a lack of
information exchange.
For example, the communication structure in a company
➔ Regular weekly meeting with colleagues and direct
manager
➔ Quarterly or semi-annual personal review meeting with
direct manager
➔ Annual staff outing or informal team development
workshop for the entire team.
The role of a manager, team leader or departmental head:
 ➔ Regular weekly meetings with employees
➔ Quarterly or semi-annual personal review meeting with
direct manager
➔ Quarterly or semi-annual personal review meeting with
each employee
➔ Regular monthly team or department head meeting
➔ Annual staff outing or informal team development
workshop
Other Structural Forms of Communication
➔ Company structure
➔ Regulations laid out in the mission statement with respect
to dealing with one another
➔ Corporate culture or conflict culture.
➔ The organisational structure is the framework of the
company.
➔ Clear structures provide assurance and minimise rivalry
and power struggles.
➔ The mission statement is a well-established tool for
behaviour regulation and conflict prevention.
◆ Example:
● “Active customer service is at the centre of
our activities.
● We seek respect and trust. We are open to
innovations.
● We strive to fulfill our responsibilities with
expertise and independence, while working
in partnership as a team.”
The company culture is the product of all norms and values that
the company, either intentionally or unintentionally, has
developed over time.
The culture determines what is important within the company
and what is not. As a consequence, the culture has a strong
influence on the (conflict related) behaviour of its members.
Conflict Prevention through Discussion and Expectation
Management
Managing expectations is therefore an important function of
successful leaders. If employees’ expectations are kept at a
realistic level, their degree of satisfaction tends to be higher, and
unproductive conflicts are avoided.
What does that mean in practice?
➔ regularly seeking discussions with employees.
➔ creating opportunities to talk on an informal level, such as
over coffee or during lunch break, to address needs and
interests, and
➔ making time for the expression of personal concerns and
expectations.
A discussion about expectations does not automatically result in
an obligation to fulfill them. However, a clear statement should
be made. A clear statement can take five basic forms:
➔ Binding commitment - “I firmly commit to doing it.”
➔ Conditional commitment - “I will try to do it, but cannot
make a firm commitment because...”
➔ Conditional refusal - “I will probably not be able to do it
because...”
➔ Firm refusal - “I will not be able to do it because...”
➔ Deferral - “At this point in time, I cannot say whether I will
be able to do it because... let’s discuss it again at a later
date.”
Conflict Prevention through Self-Reflection and Personal
Development
Conflicts can arise as a result of inner tensions, discontent and
similar issues, which erupt into conflicts in the work
environment.
An older employee, for example, envies a younger one because
he has better qualifications and consequently better promotion
prospects. He treats him with excessive criticism and contempt.
This leads to an unproductive conflict for the company.
Models that try to explain why people’s inner problems lead to
conflicts with those around them.
➔ Psychology approach
➔ Decision theory approach
Depth Psychology
Conflicts arise as a result of the tension between biological
instincts, the “id”, and social nature (formed by parents and
upbringing), the “super-ego”. The “ego” stands between the two
and is supposed to bring both poles together. During the course
of socialisation of human beings, through upbringing and living
within the community, we learn to keep our instincts, the “id”
(aggression, sexual drive), under control and not to let them run
free unchecked. If however, the other pole, the “super-ego”,
becomes too strong, it causes instinct-driven, creative energy to
dwindle. Therefore, the (healthy) “ego” has to integrate both
tendencies, in order to mature into a productive collective entity
Decision Theory Approach
Decision theorists argue that we are confronted with
contradictory demands on a daily basis.
➔ Expectations can conflict with our values. Shall I go home
and have dinner with my partner, or finish my work?
➔ Or the search for pleasure clashes with the desire for a
healthy lifestyle. Shall I open a bottle of wine or drink
water?
This gives rise to dissonance, an inner conflict, which the person
must in some way resolve. This is achieved by information
selection, reinterpretation or re-evaluation. Sometimes it is done
by bringing the inner conflict into the outside world by way of
substitution.
Starting points for conflict prevention on a personal level are
training and development activities, coaching or supervision, and
also targeted employee selection measures.
Coaching can be helpful if the goal is to work out the extent to
which one has contributed to a problem oneself and which
possibilities exist to address it.
May 11, 2021
Special Applications of Interpersonal Conflict
Analyzing Conflicts
Focus on thinking analysis about conflicts in a reflective manner.
Micro-level analysis
➔ writing a paper on specific conflict
➔ Intervene in conflicts
➔ decide to think through intimate and family conflicts
Conflict can make misunderstanding and disorder.
Stimulated by emotions, “thinking while feeling” – harder and
difficult.
Analyze conflicts both macro and micro level.
➔ System dynamics (macro level) – figure out the system
➔ Micro-level – implicates usual state of communication
behaviour
Macro-Level Analysis
Systems Theory
1. Describing the workings of the overall system and how
those connect to.
2. Recurring communication patterns inside the system.
Informs regarding the workings of entire systems and
subsystems in organizations, small groups, and families.
 ➔ helps answer the question, “How does this work?”
Major theories of systems thinking
➔ Wholeness
➔ Organization
➔ Patterning
Systems Theory Principles and Practices
1. Selected principles derived from systems theory will help
you understand the holistic, or systematic, nature of any
conflict.
➔ Conflict in systems occurs in chain reactions.
➔ Circular causality
➔ Descriptive language
2. Each member develops a label and a specific role in the
system.
3. Cooperation among system members maintains conflicts.
4. Triangles form in systems when relationships are close and
intense (positive or negative).
5. Systems develop rules for conflict that are followed even if
they work poorly.
6. The conflict serves the system in some way
Complex Conflict Patterns
All recurring conflicts follow patterns – predictable actions of
communication and response. Even when you can not
determine when a pattern “starts”, system regularities pervade.
Often the structure of the conflict is only expressed indirectly or
implicitly so you can not just ask, “What is the structure of your
conflict?”
Inductive methods
1. Identifying specific system patterns,
2. Charting conflict triangles, and
3. Drawing coalitions.
Complexity refers to “ a high degree of system interdependence,
which…leads to nonlinearity, emergent order creation, other
surprising dynamics” ( Hazy, Goldstein, and Lichtenstein 2007).
Systemwide Patterns
We are all embedded within larger systems, thus whether a
conflict rages out of control or just simmers on the back burner,
there are system wide forces at work. Everyone affects everyone
else.
Micro-Level Analysis
Several methods to the micro-level analysis
➔ Describing triangles
➔ Coalitions
➔ Interaction rules
➔ Microevents
Conflict Triangles
If you experience a conflict with someone and you talk another
about it, you are joining in a conflict triangle.
“three’s a crowd”.
Three people find it difficult to maintain balance in a conflict
relationship.
Drawing Coalitions-Who is in, Who is out?
A coalition forms when some are closer to each other than they
are to others.
When someone is in a coalition, they include select people in the
information flow and not others.
In all organizations and families with more than three members,
coalition exist
People form coalition in order to
1. Share topic information
2. Get support and understanding
3. Have a sense of belonging
4. Gain power
Interaction Rules
Content – Outcome (e.g., forgetting, avoiding the issue, and
putting off a decision until something must be done).
“Rules” describe the underlying communications structure of
the interaction.
A more accurate definition of a rule is that it is “a followable
prescription that shows what behavior is obligated, preferred, or
prohibited in certain contexts@ (Shimanoff 1980, 57).
“Rules of Engagement”
The following are some examples of rules
➔ Rules are prescriptions for behavior stated in the following
form:
◆ “When in context X, Y must/must not occur.”
◆ “When father presents sadness or anger, mother
must soothe him.”
◆ “When the program director decides to assign a
case to a counselor, the counselor must accept the
case or convince the program director to reassign
it.”
Steps to elicit system rules:
1. List explicit and implicit rules that prescribe your own and
other’s behavior in conflicts
2. If you have trouble thinking of rules for your system, think
of times when the rule was broken. How did you know the
rule was broken? How was the violation communicated?
Write about the prescription that became obvious upon
breaking the rule.
3. Make sure you generate rules for both behavior that must
and behavior that must not be performed.
4. Go back over your list. Make each rule simple and
prescriptive. Write rules even for “obvious” communication
patterns. They may prove to be important possibilities for
change
5. Code each rule as to the following:
a. Whose rule is it?
b. What keeps the rule going?
c. Who enforces the rule?
d. Who breaks the rule?
e. What function does the rule serve?
6. Discuss how the rules help or harm the productive
management of conflict.
Microevents
➔ “repetitive loops of observable interpersonal behaviors
…with a redundant outcome” (Metcoff and Whitaker 1982,
253)
➔ Interactions that give information about other
interactions.
The following are some ways you can discover and describe
microevents:
1. Act as a qualitative researcher who uses observation and
interviewing to determine patterns.
2. Obtain a professional third-party description of common
conflicts.
3. Keep a journal of conflict episodes that seem repetitive –
those that have a “here we go again” theme.
4. Ask newcomers to a system, such as new employees, new
family members, or new committee members, to describe
what they have experienced so far.
Conflict Assessment Guide
➔ The Conflict Assessment Guide will help you map all of the
central elements of your conflict.
 ◆ Nature of Conflict ➔ Labor and management representatives negotiating a
◆ Orientation to the Conflict work contract
◆ Interests and Goals ➔ Diplomats meeting with great formality to resolve national
◆ Power disputes.
◆ Styles
◆ Conflict and Emotions Negotiation - to settle a dispute by discussion and mutual
◆ Analyzing Interactions and Overall Patterns agreement.
◆ Attempted Solutions
◆ Negotiation Approaches:
◆ Forgiveness and Reconciliation 1. “All efforts by individual disputants to resolve for
themselves, without any third-party interventions”
Conflict Assessment Guide (Bendersky 2003, 645)
➔ Brings forth the narratives (stories) that conflict parties tell 2. The process by which a third party assists primary parties
themselves and others. Useful for focusing on the in the conflict to settle their disputes
emotional component.
◆ What happened? What is my story? ➔ Focus shifts to argument, persuasion, and specific conflict
◆ What happened? What is the other’s story? strategies involving bargaining.
◆ The feelings conversation: My story ➔ Provides a process for conflict resolution when the topic,
◆ The feelings conversations: The other’s story relationship, identity, and process issues rise in importance
◆ The identity conversation in a conflict.

May 20, 2021 Outcome:

Continuation of Special Applications of Interpersonal Conflict a. Problem resolution
b. Partial resolution
Interpersonal Negotiation c. Impasse
➔ Negotiation in Everyday Life d. Additionally, may improve relationships as long as the
➔ Negotiation and Culture decisions reached are satisfactory.
➔ Constructive Argumentation: Test Ideas, Not People
➔ Approaches to Negotiation All layers of conflict issues (TRIP concerns) matter, no matter
➔ Competitive Negotiation what the form of conflict resolution is that is used. Negotiation is
➔ Integrative Negotiation just as embedded in emotional realities as any other form-but
➔ Seven Elements of Principled Negotiation emotion may be excluded from the table. Excluding feelings
➔ The Language of Negotiation seldom works for long.
➔ Competitive and Integrative Phases ➔ interpersonal skills
➔ competitive or integrative
Negotiation in Everyday Life ➔ formally structured, repeated, nor contain financial or
material outcomes
 ➔ Informal approach and range back and forth among
negotiation, ordinary problem solving, attempts at
listening, identifying core concerns, and every other
conflict skill you have learned so far.
Negotiation presumes the following:
➔ Participants engage in the conflict rather than avoiding.
➔ Parties resist using domination, or power-over tactics (if
they are using integrative bargaining).
➔ Parties use persuasive communication tactics in a variety
of styles.
➔ Parties have reached an active, problem-solving phase in
which specific proposals are traded.
Negotiation and Culture
➔ Each culture designates areas that are off limits to
negotiation and areas in which negotiation is acceptable.
➔ Negotiation itself is viewed differently in different cultures.
➔ We differ considerably from one another in our comfort
with negotiating and our willingness to negotiate in
different situations.
Constructive Argumentation: Test Ideas, Not People
➔ Skilled argumentation
➔ Same principles of adapting the argument to the situation
➔ The “rules of evidence” are different
➔ Relies on persuasion
Well-done argumentation you state what you are claiming and
present evidence for your claim. Arguers:
1. Use the principles of argumentation with compassion
2. Reaffirm your opponent’s sense of competence
3. Allow opponents to finish what they are saying
4. Emphasize equality
5. Emphasize shared attitudes
6. Show opponents you are interested in their views
7. Use a somewhat subdued, calm delivery
8. Control the pace of the argument
9. Allow your opponent to save face
Approaches to Negotiation
➔ Negotiation outside of the academic area show a limited
perspective.
➔ Popular authors see bargaining as a “game of managing
impressions and manipulating information.
➔ Limited view of the negotiation process is to conceptualize
it as a series of compromises.
Limitation of most literature on negotiation is that centers on:
1. Formal negotiation, between
2. Negotiating representatives, in which
3. The beginnings and endings of the negotiations are clearly
delineated.
Competitive Negotiation
Competitive or distributive, negotiations rest on the assumption
that what one person wins, the other person losses. Typically, the
distributive bargainer is not concerned about a future
relationship with the other party and is trying to maximize gain
and minimize loss.
The basic assumptions of distributive, or competitive.
Negotiation are as follows:
➔ The negotiating world is controlled by egocentric
self-interest.
➔ The underlying motivation is competitive/antagonistic.
➔ Limited resources prevail.
➔ One can make independent choices: tomorrow’s decision
remains unaffected by today’s decision.
➔ The resource distribution system is distributive in nature
(either/or).
➔ The goal is to win as much as you can
Communication Patterns in Competitive Negotiation
 ➔ Competitive assumes that the goals of the parties are in
direct conflict and that what you gain, the other loses, you
gain a competitive advantage by starting with a high or
extreme offer (Fisher 1985)
➔ Competitive bargainers withhold data from each other
and try to throw off each other’s ability to predict
responses, meanwhile learning as much as possible about
each other’s position (Putnam and Poole 1987
The competitive bargainer:
➔ Makes high opening demands and concedes slowly
➔ Tries to maximize tangible resource gains, within the limits
of the current dispute
➔ Exaggerate the value of concessions that are offered
➔ Uses threats, confrontations, argumentation, and forceful
speaking
➔ Conceals information
➔ Manipulates people and the process by distorting
intentions,resources, and goals
➔ Tries to resist persuasion on issues
➔ Is oriented to quantitative and material competitive goals
rather than relational goals (Adapted from Murray 1986).
Power Interacts with Gender
Women and Men view competition differently.
➔ Women are as oriented toward achievement as men are.
➔ Women often value self-in-relationship
➔ Women seem to maintain and advantage in collaborating
toward an agreement
➔ Women might consider asking for coaching from their
male friends when they are entering into a highly
competitive,single-session negotiation.
➔ Men tend to orient more toward status, especially with
other men.
➔ Me generally enjoy more favorable outcomes in
competitive negotiation settings.
➔ Men tend to maintain their advantage over women is
distributive negotiations
➔ Men might consider asking for coaching from their female
friends when they enter a highly interdependent,
long-term set of negotiations
Competition is popularly viewed as a practice that stimulates
productivity, but in fact collaboration increases productive ideas.
Competition only builds healthy self-esteem in the winners;
losers suffer lack self-esteem. Winning assumes there are losers.
Integrative Negotiation
➔ Negotiators attempt to settle a dispute in a way that
maximizes all of their interests, as opposed to creating a
winner and a loser (Lewicki and Tomlinson 2014).
➔ Integrative negotiation requires ongoing back-and forth
use of reflective listening and assertion skills by one or
both parties.
Management of Conflict through effective negotiation
➔ requires listening to the other party;
➔ indicating that you understand his or her concerns;
➔ expressing your feelings; stating your points in a firm but
friendly manner;
➔ linking your points to points expressed by the other party;
➔ working toward a joint resolution that builds on the ideas
of both parties and addresses all concerns (Unbreit 1995).
Assumptions
The process
➔ The negotiating world is controlled by enlightened
self-interest
➔ Common interests are valued and sought
➔ Interdependence is recognized and enhanced
➔ Limited resources do exist, but they can usually be
expanded through cooperation.
 ➔ The resource distribution system is integrative (joint) in
nature
➔ The goal is a mutually agreeable solution that is fair to all
parties and efficient for the community
Seven Elements of Principled Negotiation
“Negotiation on Merits” or Principled Negotiation
The seven elements of principled negotiation
1. Attend to the relationship
2. Attend to all elements of communication
3. Focus on interests, not positions
4. Generate many options
5. Find legitimate criteria
6. Analyze the “best alternative to a negotiated agreement”
(BATNA)
7. Work with fair and realistic commitments
What makes implementing the core concerns so difficult?
The concerns (appreciation, affiliation, autonomy, status, and a
satisfactory role) sometimes become very difficult to put into
practice, even when we want to.
The following obstacles are adapted from Riskin’s work:
➔ Excessively self-centered perspectives
➔ Strong negative emotions
➔ Automatic ways of thinking
➔ Insensitivity to emotions
➔ Insufficient social skills and lack of mental focus
The Language of Integration
Collaboration is both a mindset and a set of techniques. If one
does not believe that energetic cooperation will provide better
solutions than competitive techniques, all the language of
integration that could be memorized will not ultimately produce
a collaborative outcome.
➔ If you take a competitive approach, whether you are
negotiating about how to spend the evening with a friend
or how much to offer on a house, the negotiation process
will probably be a competitive, win/lose experience. On the
other hand, if you stick firmly to an integrative approach,
you will find creative options that someone with a
competitive approach simply would not find.
➔ Creative options are often available but unless the
negotiators believe them possible and work to jointly
produce those options, the negotiations will begin and
end on a win/lose footing.
Competitive and Integrative Phases
Cooperative and competitive phases of negotiation – returns to
collaborative phases when someone stresses the gains to be had
by both sides.
No matter how far down the wrong road you go, you can always
turn back.
The central finding from phase research
➔ successful negotiations eventually move toward
collaborative, or integrative, processes
➔ integrative and competitive processes can be seen as
intertwined
➔ the bargainers can be seen as moving from differentiation
Third-Party Intervention
➔ The Need For Third Parties
➔ Advantages of Using Skilled Third Parties
➔ Informal Help
➔ Formal Intervention
The Need For Third-Parties
Conflicts present lots of challenges that we turn to others for
help.
 ➔ not talking with your romantic partner, yelling at one
another
➔ arguing about rent payments
➔ enmeshed in a family dispute • endure a situation at work
where you continually struggle with your supervisor over
your job assignments
➔ conversation is sarcastic, indirect, or defensive
Situation such these:
➔ Your roommate stops paying her share of the rent.
➔ A friend keeps using your clothes without permission.
➔ Your sister won’t pick up or return calls or texts.
➔ You and your romantic partner are separating but neither
of you say you want to.
➔ You are a teacher and see your students fighting during
breaks.
➔ Your workgroup stops meeting and team members do not
reply to e-mails.
➔ An employee is injured on the job and wants health
benefits.
➔ Students are being harassed and bullied.
➔ A customer tries to return a defective product, but the
retailer refuses to accept it
Advantages of Using Skilled Third Parties
The transformation may take many forms. It may
➔ Change the style of expression in the conflict.
➔ Alter the degree of interdependence between the parties
➔ Change their perceptions or their goals so they are not
seen as incompatible.
➔ Balance the power
➔ Modify the actual or perceived scarcity of resources.
➔ Adjust the actual or perceived interference by the
opposing parties.
➔ Arrive at solutions to problems that caused the conflict.
Informal Help
Informal interventions serve “to interrupt a self-maintaining or
escalating malevolent cycle in one way or another and to initiate
a de-escalating benevolent cycle”(Walton 1969).
Conditions for Helping
➔ Are they ready for a third party?What evidence do you
have to indicate readiness?
➔ How do you know that they want you to help?
➔ What skills prepare you to help them? Can you best help
by referring them to someone else?
➔ Are you biased, committed to one of the parties, grinding
your own ax, or unable to help because of time, position, or
other matters?
➔ Can you say no? If not, then you are probably too involved
in the conflict to be an effective helper.
Cautions about Informal Intervention
1. Be certain the parties want help in managing their
conflict.
2. Avoid becoming “the enemy”.
3. You must constantly remain aware of conditions.
4. Once the work is completed, the third party exits from the
system.
Formal Intervention
The Intervene Continuum
➔ Formal intervention needs specific training or education
➔ Western culture, the formal third party is paid
➔ Other cultures use formal intervention to restore peace
and justice in the culture
➔ Some religious organizations use a form of unpaid
intervention i.e convening a group to decide or advise on
an issue
➔ Formal intervention differ based to the degree to which
conflict parties determine the outcome