Cartman There you are butters

Butters Uhuh, Eric.

artman Butters, I need your help.
Butters Not now, Eric, I'm ih I'm indecent.
The Chinese are gonna take us over, Butters! And we are the only people who see
Cartman
care!
Butters The Chinese?
I handed out fliers, called together meetings, but it's like... everyone's turning a blin
Cartman eye. The Chinese are taking over the world and nobody's doing anything! It's up to
and me, Butters. We have to stop the Chinese now.
Aw, I can't stop the Chinese tonight, Eric, uh I'm supposed to make a model car wi
Butters
my dad.
You don't get it Butters! Our lives are about to change! The Chinese outnumber us
Cartman
million to one. And when their army gets here, they're gonna kill your parents!
Butters Why are they gonna kill my parents?
Because the Chinese hate Americans! That's why I've started: the American Libera
Cartman Front. A group dedicated to freeing American from Chinese tyranny. [with
determination] Will you join me?
Butters I don't want my parents to die.
Cartman [hops onto the stool] So you'll join the American Liberation Front?!
Butters Well sure.
[cups Butters' right hand between his own two hands] You and me: we're going to
Cartman the brave little boys who fought back, Butters. We are not letting them take over ou
country. Fuck the Chinese.

Cartman All right Butters, we're here. [sets the duffle bag down] Are you ready?
Butters I'm scared, but I know my country needs me.
This is it, Butters. We have to be strong. We're taking down those God damned
Chinese right now. [points at something across the street - a P.F. Chang's China
Cartman
Bistro] Things could get ugly in there, Butters. We've got to infiltrate, and find out the
Chinese invasion plans. [opens the duffle bag and begins to search through it]
Butters But Eric, wu-why would the, Chinese tell us their invasion plans?
Because we're going to make them think... we're one of them. [pulls out a Chinese
peasant hat] Here, put these teeth in! [hands him some buck teeth] And just say "herro"
Cartman
and "prease" a lot. [puts in his own buck teeth and squints his eyes] "Oh, herro
prease." Ping pong ching chong.
Butters Ping ping. Herro. ...Prease.
P.F. Chang's, moments later. Cartman and Butters enter in Chinese costumes. Cartman now
has makeup on his eyes while Butters wears a fez and has drawn glasses around his eyes
Greeter [a woman] Uhh welcome to P.F. Chang's. I'll be right with you. [turns to other guests]
Butters [leans over] Hey, Eric, uh these people aren't Chinese.
Cartman [panics, voice rising] Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
Butters [walks up to him] What?
It's already started. White people in here working for the Chinese. They're selling out
Cartman
their own country!
Greeter Uh, can I help you?
Ah yes, herro prease. [puts his hands together and bows a bit] We are Chinese
Cartman
peopull.
Butters [also bows] Herro prease. Ting tao ding ling.
Uh yeah, why don't I seat you over here? [they follow her to their table and take their
Greeter
seats. She gives them their menus] Your waitress will be right with you.
Fruttar sheshar. [the greeter leaves] What the hell is going on here? We've gotta sneak
our back into the back Butters- uh huck! [goes into hushed tones and points] There
Cartman they are! Chinese people! There are Chinese people right over there! [Butters leans
over and looks back. Sure enough, a Chinese family of five is looking at them] Do you
see them?
Butters Yeah.
Cartman Oh my God the Chinese are here. Okay, okay I'm freaked out. I'm freaking out.
Butters Stay calm, Eric.
They're right over there, and they're gonna start screaming and banging on those
drums, and then they're go- [Butters smacks him, shutting him up] Thank you Butters.
Cartman
All right, we need to go over there and find out what we can from those Commie
rats. [they make their way to the family's table] Oh, herro, prease, herro.
Butters [bows a bit] Herro, prease.
So nice to see othaa Chinese peopull heeh. As you can see, we are Chinese peopull
Cartman
ourselves.
Butters Fing fong ting tong.
Cartman Ting ton teetong.
Mother 他们在干什么啊？[subtitled] What are they doing?
Father 诶，我真的不知道。[subtitled] I don't know.
Yeah, [gibberish] So, what are the plans to take over America again? I
Cartman
fohgot. [snickers. The family just stares at them]

All right, Butters, I think we've almost got the Chinese to trust us! Now as soon as they tell us
Cartman
their invasion plans, make a run for that door, okay?!
Butters Okay, okay.
Cartman Ho ho, that's a good one, Ping Ling. Hoho. So ah where were we? Oh yes, the invasion pran.
Butters Huh, invasion pran.
Cartman What day is American invasion again? I fohget. [snickers]
Father 'Scuse me, miss?
Greeter Yes sir?
Father These people won't leave us alone.
Cartman [thinks a bit] ...No no, it's okay. We are Chinese peopull.
Father You aren't Chinese.
Cartman Oh my God...
Butters We're busted! Uh what do we do??
Greeter Okay, why don't we go...
Stay- stay back! Nobody moves, you got that?! [moves into the main area of the
restaurant] Don't... touch us! We know what the Chinese are up to! We saw the Olympic
Cartman Opening Ceremonies! [a couple stops eating] The gig is up! Everyone just s-step over to that
wall! [points to his right] I mean it! Butters, hold this gun on them. [pulls a gun from a pocket
and hands it to Butters]
Butters A gun?
Cartman Hold the gun on them Butters!
Butters I don't want a gun, Eric!
Cartman They're taking over our country, Butters! This is life or death now! Help! Me!
Butters Oh jeez...
Everyone get up and go over to that wall! Do it! Move! [the guests rise from their seats with
Cartman their hands up and move over to the wall Cartman pointed to] We, are the American
Liberation Front! And you are ALL going to pay for betraying your country to the Chinese!
Patron This is stupid. I'm leaving!
Cartman Nobody is going anywhere until the police arrive!
Patron [walks towards the front doors] Screw you!
Cartman Shoot him, Butters!
Butters No!
You have to shoot him, Butters! He's gonna warn all the Chinese and they're gonna kill your
Cartman
parents! Do it! Do it!
Waah! [looks away with his eyes shut and shoots at the patron. The bullet hits the patron in
Butters the groin, which splatters all over his clothes. The patron puts his hands over his crotch in
pain]
Patron Ow! A-Ah! A-Ooowww!
Cartman Aw dude, you shot him in the dick.
Butters Huh?
Cartman That's not cool Butters. You don't shoot a guy in the dick.
Butters But I was just trying to stop him, and you said-
Cartman [faces him] It doesn't matter, Butters! You never shoot a guy in the dick. Everyone knows
that! Shooting a guy in the dick? That's just, that's just weak. I can't believe you, Butters.