TO BE BEAUTIFUL

Jecelie Claire De La Rosa

“Tonight everything about me changes.”

She whispers to herself looking at her reflection. Dana examines her face in the mirror, her skin

looks practically spotless thanks to the concealer and foundation her make-up artist patiently

dabbed on her face. She looks… fine. She looks down to her black gown, checking for spots missed

earlier when they made last minute adjustments. The whole dress was adjusted thrice since

Madame She, the tailor first took her measurements two months ago. Earlier today, Madame She

was stressed that she once again had to tighten the dress so that it won’t fall.

“This concerns more than it pleases me, Dana baby, ha.”

Dana heard her but she didn’t seem to care. She was still looking for missed areas that would be

loose. The idea of the gown after all should be form-fitting – to emphasize how thin she was now.

Thus the color choice of black, Madame She did tell her that black gives the illusion of a slimmer

body. She raised her arms to reveal the loose sleeves, dangling, like she was Morticia of the

“Addams Family.”

“sinisikapan natin to ng sinisikapan” Madame She comments as she picks a safety pin from

blue fanny pack, it was impossible to adjust the arm’s sleeves now.

“ nakakaloka ka! Kumakain ka ba? It’s a bit concerning.”

Dana didn’t answer she still looked at her reflection making sure every bit of her look tonight

looks great. She has been planning her prom dress since last year, a black mermaid cut dress with

long sleeves, and star-like silver beads sewn on the body of the dress forming curves that traced

her own., again to put an illusion of a beautiful body. This glamorous and body emphasizing dress
would surely make Joshua, her crush, ask her to dance. This was also her chance to make him

realize that she could be pretty too, now that she’s thinner maybe he could date her instead of that

pageant girl, Agatha he was chasing all year.

“Naku, Madame She, wag mo namang paringgan si Dana na sobrang payat ‘yan baka

tumaba ulit yan! She’s finally taking care of herself pa naman na!”

Dana’s Mother, Diana, was sitting at the back sipping a cup of coffee. Her brows were

faintly done, almost as if she just swiped a brown crayon on her browline. She had baggy eyes

from when she watches those beauty tips at night on how to reduce wrinkles and face yoga, she

was pretty, but no one can escape aging. She has wrinkles on her forehead, (explains the face yoga)

was wearing a plain yellow sheath dress, that she accents with a big pearl necklace, paired with

her staple pearl earrings. She was obviously pleased with Dana’s sudden weight loss, that she

agreed to all proposed designs Madame She and Dana gave her. The dress ended up twice more

expensive than what she originally thought she would have to spend for Dana’s prom, but Dana

weighs half of her original weight now too. Beside her was Danica, Dana’s elder sister. she was

equally beautiful as her mother and is still in the prime of her youth. Her beauty radiated even is

was wearing a pair of jeans and a white sleeveless blouse. However, she didn’t look like she was

impressed with Dana’s weight loss.

“Ma, tama naman si Madame She, nakakagulat nga ang pag-payat ni Dei.” She argues

with her mother while watching the tailor pin the loose sleeves.

Dana rolled her eyes, she figures her sister was jealous that she wasn’t the only sexy one in the

family now. She might even be scared that Dana herself joins pageants and steal the limelight from

her. Danica was a pageant girl too. She went to the same high school as Dana, and was awarded

prom queen during her prom night. She won the school’s intramurals pageant, the foundation day
pageant, the united nations pageant, and almost all the school pageants there were in high school.

After high school Mama She, her would-be handler met her in one of the pageants held in school.

Mama She was a judge, and Danica was passing her crown to the next University Queen. After

the pageant, she asked her if she was interested in competing for regional and even national

pageants, to which she agreed. She started winning city pageants and rose all the way to the

regionals pageants in two years, Mama She trained her hard and monitoring everything: from the

books she read to the food she eats for snack time. Of course, their family was proud of her

accomplishments, and her school too. It’s where her career started after all. Everyone was happy

to be associated with her, she might be the future Philippine representative for Miss Universe,

everyone, except Dana. She was nothing like her sister. her face was filled with pimples and big

pores, she was chubby and had no confidence. She didn’t like performing on stage. While her sister

was having trouble on rejecting suitors to focus on pageantry, Dana’s problem was getting Joshua’s

attention. She might die alone, she thinks at night. Once she even heard some of the teachers talking

when she happened to pass by the faculty room when they left the door opened, it was her adviser

talking to the math teacher

“Alam mo, nasa klase ko yung kapatid ni Danica…”

“parang hindi sila magkapatid no? magkaibang-magkaiba sila.”

Whatever the difference they were talking about, she was pretty they meant that she was the ugly

sister. They were just being polite. Even at home, she could feel the disappointment of her parents

on her. She practically ignores her. She was always on a fuzz trying to follow Madame She’s

recommended diet plan for Danica, she forces everyone in the family to follow the diet, not even

thinking about how she felt about it. Not that it matters, Dana thinks, it’s all about Danica. she
tried asking her mother if they not follow the guide for a night. She told her that she getting tired

of blanched broccoli and wanted fried chicken for tonight. Her mom smiled and told her.

“Kaya ka chubby,”

“Pero Ma, parang ang bilis, nakakatakot.” She insisted.

“Ano ka ba naman anak, parang hindi mo naman alam kung paano mag-diet, ‘pag nag

papageant ka nga ‘di ba? Sobrang liit na ng waistline mo ‘pag nasa stage na.”

“Oo nga, pero nakikita niyo naman yung diet at exercise ko, at hindi biglaan ang pag-payat

ko. Healthy, ito, parang nakakapag-alala eh.”

Dana was getting more annoyed, it was obvious that her sister was scared of a competitor, someone

to share the pageant scene with. She was not interested in any of that.

“Ayan, tapos na, basta Dana baby, if you need any help pa I’m just here at my room ha,

cinancel muna naming ng Ate mo yung training niya for today, just for you.” Madame She said.

“Oh.” That was the only reply Dana could give. No wonder her ate was pissed, she missed

her training because of her, she was already taking away Madame She and mom away from her.

Soon, she will take Joshua too, away from Agatha.

Dana was 15 minutes late to the event hall because of all the adjustments that Madame She

had to do. lucky for her the grand entrance did not begin yet. The grand entrance was a long-

standing tradition her school had. Before everyone could enter the hall to take their seats, students

had to line up outside and enter by pair. Each pair would then pick a spot on the dance floor and

wait for everyone to get in, the DJ plays a song and then the first dance commences. The first and

last are the two most important dances students will ever get in their high school lives.
 On the way to the hall, Dana felt her phone vibrating in her purse, she figured that it was

Kate, her best friend, wondering where she was, she didn’t have the chance to open her purse

because she was more busy trying to keep her balance while walking. Now she wished that he

didn’t decline her Mom’s offer to assist her to the hall, the stairs seemed like it went on forever,

and her 4 inched heels weren’t helping. In her hurry, she almost trips but was saved by a hand. She

looked up to see whose hand she was holding, it was Joshua’s.

Fate? Destiny? Whatever it was Dana could not help but to thank the universe, she was

right, things are going to change tonight, and it starts by letting Joshua see how pretty she has

become.

“oh, okay ka lang ba? Ang taas kasi ng heels mo!” Joshua says while assisting her as they

descended the stairs. Being this close, Dana couldn’t help but stare at him and look at his face, he

had pimples and was starting to grow some facial hair around his chin, but it didn’t make him any

less handsome. Her focus was then brought to his beautiful round eyes that was enhanced by his

bushy eyebrows, and realize that he was looking at him too from her shoes, to her gown and finally

their eyes met. After a few seconds, Joshua looked away and awkwardly let go of Dana’s hand.

“Grabe, Dana, halos hindi kita nakilala…” He said

“Ay masyado bang makapal ang make-up ko?” she asked trying to act like she didn’t know

what he meant, trying to make him point out the obvious.

“Ah! Hindi naman ang ganda nga eh… Maganda ka ngayon.” He said, almost rushing and

unsure. He was wearing a black coat, a blue polo shirt underneath, and a blue tie.

“thank you..”

“Okay ka naman? Hindi naman na-sprain ang ankle mo? Grabe ang tataas talaga ng heels

ng mga babae.” He asked making conversation as they walked to the hall.

She only nodded in response, he began talking about how he got an ankle sprain before when he

was playing badminton for the district meet, it was so bad that he had to be carried to get to the

PT. She lost track after that, she did slightly hoped that she had a sprained ankle too so that he

would carry her to the hall. She imagined how nice would it be: they would be late of course,

because they had to walk slowly, careful not to fall. They would miss the entrance and they would

make their grand entrance. She imagines the spotlight focused on them as the doors open, he

imagined everyone admiring Joshua’s strength, and be in awe of her beauty. “What a beautiful

damsel in distress” the teachers would think. The beads on her dress would shimmer from the

lights, everyone would see that they looked together. They would forget her sister, even for a few

minutes—

“Dana?” Her daydreaming was interrupted by Joshua’s voice.

“Sorry, ano yun?” She asked

“Ahh, late na kasi tayo, mukhang magiging partners rin tayo sa Grand Entrance, okay lang

ba sa ‘yo, baka may kausap ka na—”

“Ah, hindi! Sige, okay lang sakin, tayo na lang nga ang maging partner… ayoko rin naman

mapunta sa hindi ko kakilala, seatmate”

She smiled, and tried to act like she wanted it to happen. She and Joshua are friends, they are

seatmates in class, and during the free times, they talk a lot mostly about class lectures and

assignments. But one day, Joshua suddenly asked her about music and talked about how he was

making a song, from that time their bond leveled up from seatmates to friends. Her perception of

Joshua also changed from a classmate to a crush. The best part about all these is that Joshua liked

talking to her. It was as Taylor Swift said “A little taste of heaven.” It continued until the seating

arrangement was changed. Joshua would go talk to her during the lunch break about random things:
update her about the song he was making, how hard the math test was, and how his badminton

training was going. One day, he suddenly told her a secret: she had a crush on Agatha, the prettiest

girl in school. She was what the teachers called the “next Danica”. Due to her sister’s success in

pageantry, she became the standard for all the pageants in the school, and only one girl seemed to

achieve those standards and win in almost all of them, Agatha.

At first, Dana was devastated, the one thing that she thought she could love and love her

back is in danger of being taken away by not her sister, but a copycat of her. That’s when she had

it. She was determined to at least have Joshua and prom was her chance.

They were last in line, this entrance was not as grand as the one she imagined earlier, but it

was the next best thing, it’s like they were the finale, the most awaited. She was so nervous, and

her hands were cold. Joshua seemed to notice.

“Uy, Dana, kinakabahan ka?”

“Konti lang, baka kasi mahulog nanaman ako.”

“Hindi ‘yan..” he held her hand. “’Eto, alalayan kita okay ka na ba?”

She hoped that her face didn’t turn as red as she felt it would be.

“Okay lang.. t-thank you… ang lamig no?” she answered and trying to hide her giddiness

in feeling cold. Then, the music started. Their principal introduced their batch and called them and

announced their entrance. By pair, all the students entered and picked their spots on the dance

floor, everyone avoided the center. She saw Kate enter the hall with a random boy from the other

section as her partner. She felt bad for her. Kate looked good in a blue ball gown that somehow

reminded her of Cinderella, maybe that really was the inspiration? The theme of this year’s prom

was "fairytale", after all, Kate followed it too much, it works well though.
 Soon it was their time to enter. As they stepped in the hall, as if on cue, High School

Musical’s “May I have this Dance” played.

“’Wag kang kabahan, di ka mahuhulog, hawak ko ang kamay mo.” Joshua whispered.

She felt all their eyes glued on them, which made her more nervous, she tried to focus on the more

important thing: Joshua, but even the thought of Joshua holding her hand made her all giddy so

she looked at her surroundings. There were strings of fairy lights decorated on the ceiling. they

were walking on a red carpet that leads straight to a glittering fabric canopy on top of the dance

floor that also acted as the stage. It seemed like the only spot that was left was the very center, so

that’s where Joshua led them.

“Hanep, ang taas ng chance nating maging king and queen of the night dito.” The dance

started. Joshua was her first dance. It worked out after all.

AND IT SHOULD, she worked hard for this, she worked hard to be thin just for this prom

Dana realized that the only thing Agatha had that she didn’t was a slender body, in that case, she

had to lose weight.

For a month, Dana tried cutting her food, eating only a cup of rice during lunch, and eating

3 pieces of crackers for dinner. She skipped breakfast and went for an hour of jogging before she

went to school. after a month, she lost only a kilo. She had to do something else. Kate suggested

that she do more whole-body exercises at night time. So she looked up fitness exercises on the

internet and did those at night. She skipped dinner. She told her mom that she ate dinner with Kate

at a café near their school.

She was measured for her dress, and she told Madame She the kind of gown she wanted,

she told him that she wanted to look slender as much as possible, and Mama She did exactly that.
After another month, she weighed another kilo and a half, but she still felt fat. She looked on the

internet for more tips, and she found a slimming tea brand called “Natural Beauty.” She looked it

up and what it would do. She saw that it suppressed appetite and would make her pass bowels a

lot more than usual. It was unfortunately sold online. Kate was her savior there.

Kate suggested that if she was scared of her mom seeing the parcel, Dana should just get it

delivered to their house since she only lived with her grandmother who didn’t really care about

what goes in their mail. Kate brought it to school to her. The minute she received the box, she

opened a pack and prepared one in her tumbler. It tasted really bad: like grass blended then dropped

on hot water with a hint of rust, but she endured it all.

By the time, Madame She finished the base of the dress without the beads and laces, he

brought it to Dana’s house for fitting, seeing if he needed to loosen the gown or tighten it. To

everyone’s surprise, the gown was big for Dana by at least 3 inches in bust, waist, and arms. It’s

as if he had the measurements wrong the first time. Madame She was pleased at this, though the

dress would look better on her since it would emphasize her newly found curves. Diana was happy

too, but Dana looked at herself in the mirror, she was still not happy. She still felt ugly, and that,

she thought was because she still felt fat.

She bought more of the tea and got it delivered to Kate’s again. This time, Dana drank this

tea twice a day. She lost weight again that two months later, at another fitting day, Madame She

had to adjust the gown again by reducing two inches. Madame She then told her that her body was

at its perfect state and whatever she was doing she should keep doing it to maintain the state, but

Dana looked at the mirror, she still felt ugly maybe she was still fat.

She continued drinking the tea and reduced her 1 cup of lunch meal per day to half a cup

every day. She was really thin on her prom day, that the form-fitting gown was loose. There was
no way to adjust the fabric now, so Madame She sewed secret buttons in a rush for the body, and

put on safety pins for the sleeves. She looked at herself in the mirror, more questions came to her

than answers “Am I thin enough? Do I finally look beautiful? Am I as beautiful as my sister?” for

all these questions, it seemed like Joshua was going to give her all the answers.

At the end of the first dance, everyone clapped their hands and congratulated one another.

When it was time to sit down, she felt someone pull her from the crowd, it was Kate who had

saved a seat for them.

“HOY DANA JOY, HALIKA NGA MUNA DITO MAG-USAP TAYO.” She exclaims obviously

wanting a lot of explanations about how she ended up with Joshua for the first dance, she was so

excited that she couldn’t even wait until they were both seated before he posed the question:

“Paano? OMG? Did he specifically make sundo sa hotel room mo, bestie? I want details!”

“Hindi, bestie, muntik lang ako mahulog sa hagdan, tapos sinalo niya lang ako. Ayun, na-late

kami parehas, kami nalang naging partner…”

“TARAY! Parang fairy tale lang talaga, super bagay sainyo ng theme! Mukhang operation natural

beauty works well ah, I feel it, ikaw na rin ang last dance ni Joshua, aamin na yan for sure sa ‘yo

mamaya.”

A few more guys invited Dana to dance, even those who she didn’t really know, she danced

so much that she got a little dizzy. Everyone told her that she was pretty. Even the teachers who

passed by her as she was falling in line for the food line. After so many rounds of party dances and

slow dances in between, it was time for the awarding of the King and Queen of the Night. Joshua

was awarded King of the Night and was called to the front. She wasn’t surprised, he was so

dashing, and the spotlight that focused on him made it look like he glowed. After a few
photographs, the emcee opened the black envelope that had the name of the winner for Queen of

the Night. She froze and close her eyes, she got a little dizzy and felt really cold, she was nervous.

She wanted it to be her— it had to be her.

“Our Queen of the Night is… Dana Joy Fuentes!” Everyone clapped, she was scared that

the emcee would mention her sister, but thank goodness she did not. She felt happy, finally, a time

where she was beautiful, on her own, her sister was not mentioned. Joshua approached her table

to assist her to the front. They were each given a piece of paper and microphones, they lead the

ceremonial mocktail toast. It was a pre-written speech about youth, beauty, excellence, and the

school. After the toast, they were invited to sit at a table in front beside the student council officers,

the school MVP, and other important people. A PowerPoint presentation about the batch was

played.

“Sabi ko naman sa ‘yo magiging king and queen of the night tayo, nasa pinaka gitna ba

naman tayo.”

“Well, tama ka nga, congrats seatmate, hanggang dito seatmates tayo.”

“oo nga! Uy, ikaw na rin last dance ko ah, tutal ikaw na first ko eh, may isasayaw lang

akong iba mamaya pero, ikaw nalang rin last ko. Okay lang ba?”

Dana couldn’t believe her ears, was this really happening? It’s like she wrote this in a paper to

happen.

“ahh.. sige, okay lang! Congrats pala ha, king of the night ka.”

“Salamat, ikaw rin congrats, queen of the night ka. Pero alam mo, swerte talaga itong pagiging

king of the night ko, nagkaroon ako ng lakas ng loob, may itusra naman pala ako! Kailangan ko

ng pogi points para sa gagawin ko mamaya eh.”

Dana knew what it was, call it psychic powers or intuition, but Dana just knew that Joshua was

going to confess his feelings for someone tonight, and she had to be that someone. After the video,

the lights were turned on, she saw Joshua’s face more clearer, he was smiling, she smiled too. The

emcee announced that they were down to the last two songs.

“Last two na pala… teka lang Seatmate, may isasayaw lang ako, tapos tayo na ulit.”

“Sige mag C-CR lang ako.”

Dana was getting dizzier, but she still stood up and went to the CR to retouch her make up. She

wanted to pretty for her last dance with Joshua. Realizing that she was too busy to fix her lipstick,

she called Kate on the phone to help her. Luckily, Kate was also in the CR, in the cubicle. Once

she got out, she was surprised to see Dana holding on the sink.

“Bes, nahihilo ako, pwede mo ba akong lagyan ng lipstick?”

“Dana, stop. Hilong-hilo ka na. kumain ka ba?”

“Bes, dali na patapos na ang kanta, sasayaw na kami ni Joshua…”

“Dana, ‘wag ka na sumayaw.”

When Dana realized that Kate was not going to help her she went left the CR anyways to meet

Joshua for the last dance.

What happened next was the last thing that she remembered before everything blacked out:

She walked slowly, careful not to fall back to her chair, and sat down to wait for Joshua. Kate

followed her ang was arguing to stop dancing and take a rest, though Dana did not really

understand what she was saying. Her eyes scanned the dancefloor to see where Joshua was, at last,

she found him, not dancing, but sitting on a chair on table beside him. He was talking to Agatha.

She didn’t hear what they were saying but there were full of nods and smiles. It ended with Agatha

kissing him on the forehead. She stood up, and was able to mutter “no…” Then she fell.
 SHE WOKE UP in a hospital bed, wearing a hospital gown, she lifted her arms and realized

that she had an IV attached to her, her sister was sleeping on a sofa at the side of the room. She

fell asleep again.

Everyone was quiet at home, even Danica stayed at home to take care of her, but their

interactions were limited to Danica greeting Dana “Good Morning.” Dana did not answer back.

Her mother prepared regular food now, to help Dana regain her lost appetite, but she seems to

reject the food they bring to her.

Danica sneakily scans dana’s room every time she goes there to give food or snacks, making

sure that Dana isn’t sneaking any of the slimming teas anymore. Dana knew this, it annoyed her

but she didn’t want to talk about it.

One night, Dana miraculously left her room to go the kitchen, there she caught Danica

talking on the phone, talking about her screening for Bb Pilipinas.

“Madame She I know, next year na lang wala eh.. kailangan ako dito…” Danice then

realized that Dana was looking at her.

“Ahh, sige bukas na lang tayo mag-usap…” she hurriedly hang up the phone.

Dana didn’t speak, she just went to the refrigerator to get a pitcher of water. from what she

understood, Danica was missing her screening, and using her as an excuse for it? she hated it, it

angered her. Her sister was obviously scared of not getting in, and now she’s using her ridiculous

little sister who fainted because of slimming tea and starvation to get out of that mess? Pathetic.

Now she will be remembered as the sister to hindered Danica’s success.

Danica didn’t know what to do, this was the first time her sister left her room, so she tried

to make conversation
“You know, if gusto mo talagang magpapapayat, Dana, pwedeng sabay tayo mag workout, or

mag diet, alam mo may technique akong ginagawa its called—”

“Ano ba! Shut up, ate. Wala akong pake sa diet mo at sa workout mo. Okay na nga ‘di ‘ba? Na-

patuayan mo na, na I was doing it wrong ‘di ‘ba? Hindi na ulit maganda ang tingin saakin ng mga

tao, nakakahiya na ulit ako. Pwede bang ‘wag mo ng dagdagan”

Danica could not speak, she was shocked. She looked up and shook her head, she couldn’t believe

what she was hearing.

“Dana, I missed my Binibining Pilipinas Screening, tapos ganito ka pa umasta saakin?”

“Hindi naman kita kailangan, ha? bakit di ka umattend doon? Takot ka lang na hindi ka

matanggap, kasi mawawala na ang pagiging star mo ‘di ‘ba? So nagpaka-martyr act ka nalang,

missing an opportunity of a lifetime to help your little sister in need wow, such a queen talaga!

Ikaw nanaman ang paguusapan ng mga tao. Nasa school na ako, ako na nga prom queen, pero

pangalan mo pa rin nasa bibig ng ma tao. Ako ang nasa bahay pero ikaw pa rin ang mahal nila

Mama. Tama na! okay? I’m so tired of being your shadow, and I’m so tired of you using my

darkness to emphasize your shine!”

Danica who was teary-eyed at this time could not speak, so instead she stood up to embrace her.

“Dana, kung alam mo lang… mahal na mahal ka namin nila Mama, sobra-sobra… hindi

makapag-stay si Mama sa hospital kasi iyak ng iyak dahil sa ‘yo. Sorry, sa sakripisyo mo dahil

sa’akin, I never wanted you to feel this way, you’re my precious, beautiful sister… why would you

do something so risky to change yourself ‘ba kasi?”

Dana sobbed, and embraced her sister tighter. No one in her family has ever called her beautiful

before.

“Gusto ko lang naman maramdaman na mahal niyo ako… Ate..”

 The next day, Diana knocked on Dana’s room holding a wooden jewelry box that had black

carvings. “May I come in?” she shyly asked, Dana nodded.

Diana sat on the edge of her bed and presented the jewelry box.

“This is my gift for you, anak, I should have given this to you before the prom, pero ngayon ko na

‘lang ibibigay sa ‘yo.”

Dana took the box.

“Inside the box is what you need to be beautiful.”

Dana opened the box, nothing was there, but a handkerchief. She looked up to her Mom confused.

“Go on, pull out the cover.”

She took out the cover and saw her reflection. There was a mirror at the bottom of the box. She

started to tear.