SIX: THE MUSICAL

SCRIPT

CAST:
Catherine of Aragon:
Anne Boleyn:
Jane Seymour:
Anne of Cleves:
Katheryn Howard:
Catherine Parr:

Lights up. The Queens emerge, one by one, and arrange

themselves in order, heads down.
SONG – EX-WIVES

ARAGON:
DIVORCED

BOLEYN:
BEHEADED

SEYMOUR:
DIED

CLEVES:
DIVORCED

HOWARD:
BEHEADED

PARR:
SURVIVED

ARAGON:
And tonight, CH, we are…

ALL:
LIVE!

ARAGON:
LISTEN UP, LET ME TELL YOU A STORY

BOLEYN:
A STORY THAT YOU THINK YOU’VE HEARD BEFORE

SEYMOUR:
WE KNOW YOU KNOW OUR NAMES AND OUR FAME AND OUR FACES

CLEVES:
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE GLORIES AND THE DISGRACES

HOWARD:
I’M DONE ‘CAUSE ALL THIS TIME, I WAS JUST ONE WORD IN
A STUPID RHYME

PARR:
SO I PICKED UP A PEN AND A MICROPHONE

ALL:
HISTORY’S ABOUT TO GET OVERTHROWN

ARAGON:
DIVORCED

BOLEYN:
BEHEADED

SEYMOUR:
DIED

CLEVES:
DIVORCED

HOWARD:
BEHEADED

PARR:
SURVIVED

ALL:
BUT JUST FOR YOU TONIGHT
WE’RE DIVORCED, BEHEADED, LIVE
WELCOME TO THE SHOW, TO THE HISTOREMIX
SWITCHING UP THE SHOW AS WE ADD THE PREFIX
EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT WE USED TO BE SIX WIVES
RAISING UP THE ROOF ‘TIL WE HIT THE CEILING
GET READY FOR THE TRUTH THAT WILL BE REVEALING
EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT WE USED TO BE SIX WIVES
BUT NOW WE’RE EX-WIVES

INSTRUMENTAL
 ARAGON:
ALL YOU EVER HEAR AND READ ABOUT

BOLEYN:
IS OUR EX AND THE WAY IT ENDED

SEYMOUR:
BUT A PAIR DOESN’T BEAT A ROYAL FLUSH

CLEVES:
YOU’RE GONNA FIND OUT HOW WE GOT UNFRIENDED

HOWARD:
TONNIGHT WE’RE GONNA DO OURSELVES JUSTICE, ‘CAUSE
WE’RE TAKING YOU TO COURT

PARR:
EVERY TUDOR ROSE HAS ITS THORNS, AND YOU’RE GONNA
HEAR ‘EM LIVE, IN CONSORT

ARAGON:
DIVORCED

BOLEYN:
BEHEADED

SEYMOUR:
DIED

CLEVES:
DIVORCED

HOWARD:
BEHEADED

PARR:
SURVIVED

ALL:
BUT JUST FOR YOU TONIGHT
 WE’RE DIVORCED, BEHEADED, LIVE
WELCOME TO THE SHOW TO THE HISTOREMIX
SWITCHNG UP THE SHOW AS WE ADD THE PREFIX
EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT WE USED TO BE SIX WIVES
DANCING TO THE BEAT, ‘TIL THE BREAK OF DAY
ONCE WE’RE DONE WE’LL START AGAIN
LIKE IT’S THE RENAISSANCE
EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT WE USED TO BE SIX WIVES
BUT NOW WE’RE EX WIVES

ALL BAR ARAGON:

DIVORCED

ARAGON:
MY NAME’S CATHERINE OF ARAGON
WAS MARRIED 24 YEARS
I’M A PARAGON OF ROYALTY
MY LOYALTY IS TO THE BATICAN
SO IF YOU TRY TO DUMP ME..
YOU WON’T TRY THAT AGAIN

AL BAR BOLEYN:
BEHEADED

BOLEYN:
I’M THAT BOLEYN GIRL
AND I’M UP NEXT
SEE I BROKE ENGLAND FROM THE CHURCH
YEAH, I’M THAT SEXY
WHY DID I LOSE MY HEAD?
WELL MY SLEEVES MAY BE GREEN
BUT MY LIPSTICK’S RED

ALL BAR SEYMOUR:

DIED

SEYMOUR:
JANE SEYMOUR
 THE ONLY ONE HE TRULY LOVED

ALL BAR SEYMOUR:

RUDE

SEYMOUR:
WHEN MY SON WAS NEWLY BORN, I DIED
BUT I’M NOT WHAT I SEEM
OR I MIGHT STICK AROUND
AND YOU’RE SUDDENLY SEE MORE

ALL BAR CLEVES:

DIVORCED

CLEVES:
ICH BIN ANNA OF CLEVES

ALL BAR CLEVES:

JA

CLEVES:
WHEN HE SAW MY PORTRAIT
HE WAS LIKE

ALL BAR CLEVES:

JA

CLEVES:
BUT I DIDN’T LOOK AS GOOD AS I DID IN MY PIC
FUNNY HOW WE ALL DISCUSS THAT
AND NEVER HENRY’S LITTLE-

HOWARD:
PRICK UP YOUR EARS
I’M THE KATHRYN WHO LOST HER HEAD

ALL BAR HOWARD:

BEHEADED

HOWARD:
 FOR MY PROMISCUITIES OUTSIDE OF WED
LOCK UP YOUR HUSBANDS, LOCK UP YOUR SONS
K-HOWARD IS HERE
AND THE FUN’S BEGUN

ALL BAR PARR:

SURVIVED

PARR:
FIVE DOWN, I’M THE FINAL WIFE
I SAW HIM TO THE END OF HIS LIFE
I’M THE SURVIVOR, CATHERINE PARR
I BET YOU WANNA KNOW HOW I GOT THIS FAR
I SAID I BET YOU WANNA KNOW
HOW I GOT THIS FAR

ALL:
DO YOU WANNA KNOW HOW WE GOT THIS FAR THEN
WELCOME TO THE SHOW, TO THE HISTOREMIX
SWITCHING UP THE TRUTH AS WE ADD THE PREFIX
EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT WE USED TO BE SIX WIVES
GET YOUR HANDS UP, GET THIS PARTY BUZZING
YOU WANT A QUEEN BEE? WELL THERE’S HALF A DOZEN
EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT WE USED TO BE SIX WIVES
BUT NOW WE’RE EX-WIVES

INSTRUMENTAL

ALL:
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE
SIX!

Song ends.

ARAGON:
CH, how you doing tonight?

BOLEYN:
We said, how you doing tonight?
 SEYMOUR:
We are

ALL:
SIX!

SEYMOUR:
And welcome to our divorced, beheaded, live, tour!

BOLEYN:
CH, we got a whole lot in store for you tonight.

ARAGON:
That right girl, we got the wrists to ruffle your
ruffs and a whole lot of history.

PARR:
Or as we like to call it, herstory.

They all obnoxiously laugh, the abruptly stop.

CLEVES:
Obviously, you know who we are. So you came here
tonight to party with us old-school.

SEYMOUR:
Really really old-school.

Everyone glares at her.

SEYMOUR:
You’re gonna have fun.

ARAGON:
We got a serious score to settle.

HOWARD:
‘Cause, you see, CH, the problem with us there’s
 ALL:
SIX!

HOWARD:
Of us. And we know you’ve all got your favourites.

ARAGON:
And everybody always wants to know, who’s the most
important wife?

CLEVES:
And they’ve been arguing about it for centuries.

PARR:
We’ve heard it all.

ARAGON:
Who lasted longest was the strongest.

BOLEYN:
The biggest sinner is obvs the winner.

SEYMOUR:
Who has the son takes number one.

CLEVES:
Who was most chased shall be first place.

HOWARD:
The most inglorious is victorious.

PARR:
The winning contestant was the most protestant!
Protestant.

ARAGON:
But tonight, we’re gonna answer your questions once
and for all.
 BOLEYN:
And tell you what you want, what you really, really
want!

SEYMOUR:
That’re right, we’re here to help you figure out
which one of us is…

CLEVES:
The queen of the castle.

SEYMOUR:
The rose amongst the thorns.

HOWARD:
The Thomas Cromwell amongst the royal ministers
between 1532 and 1831.

ARAGON:
But how are we gonna choose our leading lady?

BOLEYN:
Well hold up. If this is gonna be a fair competition,
they’re gonna have to judge us by the one thing we
have in common.

SEYMOUR:
The queen to take the crown should be the one who has
the biggest…

HOWARD:
The firmest…

PARR:
The fullest…

CLEVES:
…Load of BS to deal with from the man who put a ring
on it.